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1
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:37,536
Alanis! Get out here. Big news!
2
00:00:37,752 --> 00:00:39,268
Hey, Judy.
What soothing yelling.
3
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,356
You're never gonna
believe what rad thing
4
00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:43,243
Kima and I are about to do.
5
00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:44,827
Dang. Are we
getting in some trouble?
6
00:00:44,902 --> 00:00:46,993
- Is it cocaine?
- What? No.
7
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,761
We are going to the...
8
00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:52,503
Alaska Student Summit at
the State Capitol in Juneau!
9
00:00:52,642 --> 00:00:53,900
The A.S.S.?
10
00:00:54,048 --> 00:00:56,215
Heh. We're about to get
a...
11
00:00:56,226 --> 00:01:00,136
front-row seat to learn about
how our state legislature works.
12
00:01:00,142 --> 00:01:01,308
Flying out in an hour, baby.
13
00:01:01,531 --> 00:01:02,973
And the conference
starts tomorrow.
14
00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:07,026
Wow, you and Kima
do a lot of school trips.
15
00:01:07,019 --> 00:01:08,518
Excuse us
16
00:01:08,532 --> 00:01:11,124
for being good at school so
we can go to college, Alanis.
17
00:01:11,267 --> 00:01:12,597
We can't all have a
singing voice that defines
18
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:13,780
an entire generation.
19
00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:24,245
You can't see it, but
I'm flipping you off.
20
00:01:24,978 --> 00:01:27,403
Love a hotel buffet.
21
00:01:27,414 --> 00:01:29,639
Why does cereal taste
better from a tiny box?
22
00:01:29,724 --> 00:01:32,150
Cool. They
have the Dutiful Dairy
23
00:01:32,294 --> 00:01:34,403
cottage cheese brand
with the racist logo.
24
00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:38,107
Native women are not here
to serve you curded cheeses!
25
00:01:38,246 --> 00:01:40,631
- Who are you talking to?
- Almost everyone.
26
00:01:40,775 --> 00:01:43,442
Morning, girls. Eat
up. This is all free.
27
00:01:43,452 --> 00:01:45,785
And I brought
plastic wrap from home!
28
00:01:45,930 --> 00:01:47,187
Thanks, Mr. Golovkin.
29
00:01:47,202 --> 00:01:48,517
Keep on chaperoning, bro.
30
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,183
All right, should we run
through our presentation?
31
00:01:51,193 --> 00:01:53,251
Hey, is this seat
taken? No? Okay.
32
00:01:53,338 --> 00:01:55,671
Wow. No.
Gosh.
33
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,700
Please sit, rebellious, strange
girl from a different school.
34
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,008
- Cool hair.
- Thanks.
35
00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:01,835
I got in trouble for
getting colored streaks,
36
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:04,503
but I'm like, "Keep your
laws off my hair, Mom."
37
00:02:04,645 --> 00:02:06,830
Have you guys
seen the schedule?
38
00:02:06,973 --> 00:02:08,139
We have to sit through a lecture
39
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:11,063
from Senator Bonnie
Bunch-Legg? Barf.
40
00:02:11,206 --> 00:02:12,981
Yeah, she's that
right-wing banana
41
00:02:13,126 --> 00:02:14,868
who always opposes Native stuff.
42
00:02:14,881 --> 00:02:16,622
My dad calls her
Bonnie Butt-Leg,
43
00:02:16,710 --> 00:02:18,544
which is pretty
harsh for Walter.
44
00:02:18,689 --> 00:02:20,372
So, which lectures
are you guys skipping?
45
00:02:20,535 --> 00:02:22,460
We're not allowed
to skip, right?
46
00:02:22,604 --> 00:02:23,846
Says who, the Man?
47
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,026
Well, I mean...
48
00:02:25,174 --> 00:02:27,842
Yeah, this whole
thing, like, sucks,
49
00:02:27,851 --> 00:02:28,891
but at the end of the day,
50
00:02:28,999 --> 00:02:30,498
Judy and I are
actually reenacting
51
00:02:30,495 --> 00:02:33,938
Elizabeth Peratrovich's
big speech to the legislature.
52
00:02:34,079 --> 00:02:35,445
- Who?
- She was a very cool
53
00:02:35,442 --> 00:02:37,000
Native activist who told honkies
54
00:02:37,147 --> 00:02:38,756
to shove it way
back in the '40s.
55
00:02:38,977 --> 00:02:41,902
- By getting an actual law passed.
- She's Kima's idol.
56
00:02:41,986 --> 00:02:43,986
Well, her and Chucky
from Child's Play.
57
00:02:44,073 --> 00:02:46,298
- I love his can-do spirit.
- Right.
58
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:49,126
Well, if you want to,
like, actually have fun,
59
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,969
I brought provisions.
60
00:02:51,115 --> 00:02:52,281
Ooh! Gummies.
61
00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:53,701
Kind
of you to share, ma'am.
62
00:02:53,776 --> 00:02:55,609
Um, I don't know
what that voice is,
63
00:02:55,738 --> 00:02:57,121
but it is kind of me.
64
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,602
'Cause these are
special gummies.
65
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:00,778
You know what I mean, right?
66
00:03:00,868 --> 00:03:02,368
- Kind.
- Totally.
67
00:03:02,589 --> 00:03:03,969
- I'm taking two.
- Three for me.
68
00:03:04,045 --> 00:03:06,103
they kick in quick.
69
00:03:06,264 --> 00:03:08,581
- What does?
- The, gummies?
70
00:03:08,592 --> 00:03:11,577
They're edible. Like, edibles.
71
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:14,178
Good, 'cause
I just ate them. What?
72
00:03:16,242 --> 00:03:17,391
Okay.
73
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,480
Wow, you guys really
are Goody Two-shoes,
74
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,551
and I am now realizing
that you have no idea
75
00:03:21,562 --> 00:03:25,047
what just happened and I don't
want to get in trouble, so bye.
76
00:03:25,055 --> 00:03:27,389
We are not
Goody Two-shoes.
77
00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:28,807
In fact, you know what?
78
00:03:29,029 --> 00:03:30,971
I'm gonna take that
racist cottage cheese tub
79
00:03:31,116 --> 00:03:32,691
- and throw it away.
- Yeah.
80
00:03:32,704 --> 00:03:34,537
Yeah, and I'll steal...
81
00:03:34,683 --> 00:03:35,790
this hard-boiled egg.
82
00:03:35,938 --> 00:03:38,122
Man did the
hotel lady see us?
83
00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:40,341
Run away. In a cool, edgy way.
84
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,761
But run!
85
00:03:41,775 --> 00:03:45,444
Okay, team, shall we
saddle up an early lunch
86
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,079
- at The Hoagie Pony?
- Hell yeah.
87
00:03:51,735 --> 00:03:53,401
What are you on about, Bob Dope?
88
00:03:53,416 --> 00:03:55,416
It's the jingle for
my signature sandwich,
89
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,636
or as I call it, my siggy swich.
90
00:03:57,647 --> 00:03:59,406
The Wet Wolf. Served
at the Hoagie Pony
91
00:03:59,569 --> 00:04:02,611
and named after
its creator: me, Wolf.
92
00:04:03,784 --> 00:04:05,374
It's a single slice
of Swiss cheese
93
00:04:07,366 --> 00:04:10,701
slathered with one
full cup each of mayo,
94
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,934
ketchup, mustard,
relish, hot sauce,
95
00:04:13,021 --> 00:04:15,446
and Thousand Island dressing.
96
00:04:17,086 --> 00:04:19,511
Everyone in the fam can't
get enough of the double-W.
97
00:04:19,523 --> 00:04:20,930
Right, guys?
98
00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:23,335
Yeah. Yum.
99
00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:25,998
One time, Dad's accidentally
fell in the trash can
100
00:04:26,008 --> 00:04:28,825
in his room, but I found
it and he loves it so much
101
00:04:28,910 --> 00:04:30,335
that he ate it anyway.
102
00:04:30,406 --> 00:04:33,241
Even I still cannot
believe that I did that.
103
00:04:33,325 --> 00:04:34,899
Don't worry, Dad.
104
00:04:35,046 --> 00:04:37,213
Tonight, we'll order you
two Wee-Wos just in case.
105
00:04:37,224 --> 00:04:39,374
Babe, if you say
Wee-Wo one more time,
106
00:04:39,385 --> 00:04:40,868
Wee-Wo-n't be
married much longer.
107
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,211
What in the Timoth�e
Chalamet's Dusty Dune?
108
00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:48,608
The Wet Wolf is gone?
109
00:04:48,698 --> 00:04:51,516
E-Excuse me, miss, what
happened to the Wet Wolf?
110
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,510
- We took it off the menu.
- But why? When?
111
00:04:54,518 --> 00:04:55,851
You got to ask my dad.
112
00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,695
But he's not here. He's
getting his hair plugs removed.
113
00:04:57,769 --> 00:05:00,753
He wanted bangs, but they
put in too many. He couldn't see.
114
00:05:00,837 --> 00:05:03,004
Well, I wish he could see this.
115
00:05:03,148 --> 00:05:05,257
Rise up, my Humid Hoagie Hive.
116
00:05:06,084 --> 00:05:08,084
Wait, are we supposed
to be the hive?
117
00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:10,654
Yes, my Moist Militia.
118
00:05:10,814 --> 00:05:11,980
That's also you.
119
00:05:12,128 --> 00:05:13,794
Are you
ordering anything or...
120
00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:17,475
Yes. I'll take one Salami
and Provo-Lone-Moose
121
00:05:17,557 --> 00:05:20,207
- with Mayor Pepper sauce.
- Ham, no.
122
00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:21,384
Now we're storming out.
123
00:05:21,531 --> 00:05:24,049
Right. I will take it to go.
124
00:05:24,874 --> 00:05:26,432
Whoa! Like, whoa.
125
00:05:26,445 --> 00:05:29,613
Wait, is that even a word? Whoa.
126
00:05:29,754 --> 00:05:31,588
Whoa? I feel weird.
127
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,600
Like I'm floating.
128
00:05:32,690 --> 00:05:35,691
And, like, this lamp is, like,
129
00:05:35,832 --> 00:05:37,407
looking at me.
130
00:05:38,344 --> 00:05:41,178
Kima,
something weird is happening.
131
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,153
I can't stop drying my hands.
132
00:05:43,224 --> 00:05:45,166
- Those hands?
- Yeah, these babies.
133
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:47,719
I keep thinking
they're dry but it's like,
134
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,713
"Nope, they are still wet."
135
00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:52,727
Well, Judy, I guess, just,
you know, like, keep at it,
136
00:05:52,869 --> 00:05:56,629
and, um, live, laugh, love
and dress for the job you want.
137
00:05:56,635 --> 00:05:59,786
Yeah, great advice. I'm
gonna get back in there.
138
00:05:59,795 --> 00:06:02,370
I forgot
to throw this away.
139
00:06:02,514 --> 00:06:04,122
Enjoy the bottom
of the trash can,
140
00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:05,784
offensive stereotype tub.
141
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:08,431
Boop.
142
00:06:08,516 --> 00:06:11,000
- Hey! Kima.
- Um, hello?
143
00:06:11,085 --> 00:06:13,603
What the hell? Who said
that? Am I hearing voices?
144
00:06:13,746 --> 00:06:17,098
Yes, you're hearing my
voice. Down here in the trash.
145
00:06:17,314 --> 00:06:19,422
Please take me
out of here. It stinks.
146
00:06:19,566 --> 00:06:20,807
Thanks, honey.
147
00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:22,563
Hey, you're Native.
148
00:06:22,651 --> 00:06:24,726
Yes, Athabascan and Suqpiag.
149
00:06:24,813 --> 00:06:25,904
Cool. I'm Tlingit.
150
00:06:26,127 --> 00:06:27,476
Elizabeth Peratrovich.
151
00:06:27,623 --> 00:06:30,791
Wait, wait, wait. Like, my
hero Elizabeth Peratrovich?
152
00:06:30,799 --> 00:06:32,966
- The very one.
- How did you end up
153
00:06:33,111 --> 00:06:35,202
- on a cottage cheese tub?
- Hell if I know, babe.
154
00:06:35,215 --> 00:06:38,441
But you are friggin' lucky,
because I'm here to take
155
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:41,599
a Native gal on a
very special mission.
156
00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:44,363
For real? Am I hallucinating?
157
00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:46,419
Depends. Did you
accidentally eat something
158
00:06:46,430 --> 00:06:49,023
that could make you
hallucinate this morning?
159
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:50,924
- No.
- You sure?
160
00:06:51,012 --> 00:06:53,179
- Yeah.
- Okay, girl, if you're sure.
161
00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:55,245
Judy, I have news: a
cheese ghost is talking to me,
162
00:06:55,318 --> 00:06:57,577
and it's Native hero
Elizabeth Peratrovich,
163
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,401
and she has a mission for us.
164
00:06:59,476 --> 00:07:02,911
Sounds extremely
reasonable. Let's friggin' go.
165
00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:09,476
Kima, please make this
white girl stop staring at me.
166
00:07:09,619 --> 00:07:12,044
Her eyes are Gigantor
and she is freaking me out.
167
00:07:12,189 --> 00:07:13,705
Damn, I wish this cheese ghost
168
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:15,626
- would talk to me.
- Sorry, Jude.
169
00:07:15,847 --> 00:07:18,606
I guess only I have the
power to see cheese ghosts.
170
00:07:18,616 --> 00:07:20,780
- All right, let's get in your car.
- We actually came
171
00:07:20,853 --> 00:07:22,035
from the airport in
that courtesy van.
172
00:07:22,091 --> 00:07:24,016
Hell yeah. Let's go in that.
173
00:07:24,162 --> 00:07:27,179
Like, take it?
Isn't that bad?
174
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,987
Ha! They stole our land.
175
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,151
We can borrow a friggin'
courtesy van, baby girl.
176
00:07:31,162 --> 00:07:33,737
Right, right. Judy,
we're taking the van.
177
00:07:33,823 --> 00:07:35,748
First I took a
hard-boiled egg,
178
00:07:35,892 --> 00:07:37,225
now I'm taking a car...
179
00:07:37,315 --> 00:07:39,240
I'm really escalating.
180
00:07:39,402 --> 00:07:40,643
Is that Judy?
181
00:07:40,732 --> 00:07:41,956
Kima? What in the wor...
182
00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:45,046
Where are they
going? Kima! Judy!
183
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:46,446
This is a nightmare.
184
00:07:46,535 --> 00:07:48,944
This mask is supposed to
stay on for 20 more minutes.
185
00:07:51,599 --> 00:07:53,708
Okay, so what's the
mission? We're gonna, like,
186
00:07:53,927 --> 00:07:55,702
go to the governor's
house and you scare him
187
00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:57,589
and everyone's
like, "Dang, Kima,
188
00:07:57,676 --> 00:08:00,102
you got that mansion
and that pool table, too?"
189
00:08:00,171 --> 00:08:01,929
Great idea. Love
where your head's at.
190
00:08:02,018 --> 00:08:04,256
But actually, we got to,
go to that restaurant first.
191
00:08:04,328 --> 00:08:07,496
Walk right in the front
door and sit our asses down.
192
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:09,321
That's it? For what?
193
00:08:10,498 --> 00:08:12,072
Ask
no more questions.
194
00:08:12,219 --> 00:08:15,328
All will be revealed!
195
00:08:15,544 --> 00:08:17,945
Okay. Judy, turn here.
196
00:08:19,478 --> 00:08:21,311
This all looks so good.
197
00:08:21,456 --> 00:08:22,806
Even though we
just had breakfast,
198
00:08:22,952 --> 00:08:24,952
I could, like, eat, you
know? It's like I have
199
00:08:24,966 --> 00:08:27,115
what I've heard
described as the munchies.
200
00:08:27,201 --> 00:08:28,960
Me too.
201
00:08:29,181 --> 00:08:31,939
I guess it's the excitement of
having a supernatural mission.
202
00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:34,115
Um. Yeah, guys?
203
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,018
Hello, there. Welcome.
204
00:08:36,106 --> 00:08:37,422
I'm your server, Paul.
205
00:08:37,512 --> 00:08:39,028
We, unfortunately, do not allow
206
00:08:39,025 --> 00:08:40,992
outside cheese
tubs at the table.
207
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:42,169
May I check yours?
208
00:08:42,317 --> 00:08:44,818
No! We, we
have to leave it here.
209
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:46,495
And you have to do what we say
210
00:08:46,641 --> 00:08:48,808
because I am Tracy Crabcakes.
211
00:08:48,893 --> 00:08:50,393
You must not
recognize me, but, like,
212
00:08:50,407 --> 00:08:52,799
my father owns this restaurant.
213
00:08:52,809 --> 00:08:55,810
Tracy Crabcakes? I
see what's going on here.
214
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,636
Got the munchies, do we, ladies?
215
00:08:57,782 --> 00:09:01,375
I just said that.
216
00:09:01,382 --> 00:09:02,956
- What you said.
- Okay.
217
00:09:03,045 --> 00:09:05,270
We will have the...
218
00:09:05,282 --> 00:09:06,932
appetizer sampler,
219
00:09:07,019 --> 00:09:09,704
and, three fish and chips.
220
00:09:09,864 --> 00:09:11,846
The filet mignon,
221
00:09:11,933 --> 00:09:14,192
the salmon Bordelaise,
222
00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:16,169
three Caesar salads,
223
00:09:16,182 --> 00:09:17,831
two blackout chocolate cakes.
224
00:09:17,845 --> 00:09:21,571
Hey, hey, why don't you go
ahead and throw in a baked potato?
225
00:09:21,578 --> 00:09:24,337
All right, I'll be back
with some bread.
226
00:09:24,479 --> 00:09:25,663
Can we get extra bread?
227
00:09:25,809 --> 00:09:28,052
You haven't even
gotten the main bread yet.
228
00:09:28,063 --> 00:09:29,880
Just bring us the bread, Paul.
229
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:31,058
Fine.
230
00:09:31,223 --> 00:09:34,691
Wow, you guys
played that very cool.
231
00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:36,953
Okay, thank you all
232
00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:38,783
for meeting on
such short notice.
233
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,780
As you know, I was pretty
bummed out about my siggy swich
234
00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:43,606
being ruthlessly
removed from the menu
235
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:45,453
due to it being my
legacy and all that.
236
00:09:45,598 --> 00:09:48,158
I mean, I thought our grandkids
would order it in the future
237
00:09:48,184 --> 00:09:49,683
on their mind chips or whatever.
238
00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:51,922
Aw, that's sweet. Now I'm
sad about the sandwich, too.
239
00:09:51,934 --> 00:09:56,178
Good, because I have a plan to
get my soaked sandwich back down
240
00:09:56,258 --> 00:09:58,833
the throats of hardworking
Lone Moosers everywhere.
241
00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:02,402
- Yuck.
- All we need to do is just flood The Hoagie Pony
242
00:10:02,411 --> 00:10:03,802
with orders for the Wet Wolf.
243
00:10:03,815 --> 00:10:05,632
Once they see how
much demand there is,
244
00:10:05,644 --> 00:10:07,811
they'll have to start
supplying it again.
245
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,714
Thanks for calling
The Hoagie Pony.
246
00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:11,468
How can I sandwich you today?
247
00:10:11,614 --> 00:10:13,556
I'd like to order a Wet Wolf.
248
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:15,051
Hi, Beef.
249
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,456
This is not Beef Tobin.
250
00:10:16,603 --> 00:10:19,454
This is Jennifer
Aniston, from Friends.
251
00:10:19,538 --> 00:10:22,947
Excuse me, sorry, this
is now the president.
252
00:10:23,088 --> 00:10:25,346
I-I'm with Jennifer. And Phoebe.
253
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,917
And we need to get
our hands on a Wet Wolf.
254
00:10:27,911 --> 00:10:31,670
My God, we have caller
ID. I know it's not the president.
255
00:10:31,678 --> 00:10:32,993
Okay, Lydia, sorry, yes,
256
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,399
that was Beef and Moon,
but we really do need
257
00:10:35,484 --> 00:10:36,739
a lot of Wet Wolfs
because, well...
258
00:10:36,815 --> 00:10:39,908
Phoebe wants them,
for her twin sister Ursula.
259
00:10:40,049 --> 00:10:41,399
I'm hanging up now.
260
00:10:41,546 --> 00:10:44,322
Everything
Everywhere All at Sucks.
261
00:10:44,464 --> 00:10:47,207
My legacy is in
tatters. Unless...
262
00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,291
No. Are you
having another idea?
263
00:10:49,304 --> 00:10:52,138
You bet your beautiful
butt cracks I am.
264
00:10:52,279 --> 00:10:53,759
- Ooh, yay!- All right,
265
00:10:53,852 --> 00:10:55,790
- four orders of fish and chips.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme.
266
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,180
- Two...
- That one's mine. - Hey!
267
00:10:57,194 --> 00:10:58,693
My God. Golovkin.
268
00:10:58,782 --> 00:11:01,524
- Wait, who's that?
- Our teacher chaperone. Crap!
269
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,605
Crap, that's The Man?
Time to dine and dash, girls.
270
00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:04,937
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
271
00:11:05,084 --> 00:11:06,839
- We gotta go. We gotta go!
- Gonna drop 'em.
272
00:11:06,913 --> 00:11:07,837
Too many dishes.
273
00:11:07,986 --> 00:11:08,986
Hello, sir.
274
00:11:09,075 --> 00:11:10,483
Now, we do have a dress code.
275
00:11:10,571 --> 00:11:11,588
I don't want to eat.
276
00:11:11,811 --> 00:11:13,007
I'm just here to
get those girls.
277
00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:15,158
Wonderful.
Now, if you could just
278
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,470
- wait right here.
- Here we go, here we go. - Judy, let's go.
279
00:11:17,481 --> 00:11:19,465
- Back door. - Aah! Sorry. Coming.
- Stop right there.
280
00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:21,306
- Hey, weirdos, you forgot me.
- - Aah!
281
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,064
You don't understand.
I'm their teacher
282
00:11:23,209 --> 00:11:24,634
and I took them out of town.
283
00:11:24,782 --> 00:11:25,797
I see, sir.
284
00:11:25,962 --> 00:11:27,036
I am dialing 911.
285
00:11:27,126 --> 00:11:29,276
Wait, no. They were...
286
00:11:29,362 --> 00:11:31,288
Girls! No!
287
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,357
I was supposed
to get a massage.
288
00:11:33,371 --> 00:11:36,187
Yeah, yeah.
it's an emergency.
289
00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:43,838
All right. Beth, now that
we ate, we got to complete
290
00:11:43,846 --> 00:11:45,070
this mysterious mission.
291
00:11:45,085 --> 00:11:47,569
Yeah.
On to our next stop.
292
00:11:47,579 --> 00:11:49,671
Just, head over
there, maybe. Can't hurt.
293
00:11:49,816 --> 00:11:51,666
- Judy, turn here.
- Okay, but real quick,
294
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,386
should we go get Froyo?
295
00:11:53,399 --> 00:11:55,307
So, the mission
296
00:11:55,321 --> 00:11:56,728
is getting a tattoo?
297
00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:58,299
Yeah, yeah.
298
00:11:58,388 --> 00:11:59,796
I mean, that's part of it.
299
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,201
You gotta trust me.
300
00:12:01,289 --> 00:12:03,287
'Cause of our special bond
across time or whatever.
301
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,527
My God. I'll get
in so much trouble.
302
00:12:05,613 --> 00:12:08,280
But I have always
really wanted one.
303
00:12:08,365 --> 00:12:10,774
Hey, how's it going?
You guys want tattoos?
304
00:12:10,785 --> 00:12:13,435
I can do anything
except portraits, dragons,
305
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,854
flowers, hearts,
anchors or cursive.
306
00:12:15,998 --> 00:12:17,164
Also, before we get started,
307
00:12:17,253 --> 00:12:18,920
I'll need you each
to prove you're 18.
308
00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:20,582
By giving me 50 bucks.
309
00:12:20,671 --> 00:12:22,930
Well, that hurt way more
than I thought it would.
310
00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:24,982
But now we're
tattoo twins for life.
311
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,903
Hell yeah. And it's so original.
312
00:12:26,915 --> 00:12:28,248
I don't know anyone else
313
00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:29,727
who has a dolphin
on their lower back.
314
00:12:29,742 --> 00:12:33,226
Hey, hey, Kima. Judy.
Did you get tattoos?
315
00:12:33,235 --> 00:12:35,826
- No! Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go! Wait, I'm the driver.
316
00:12:35,819 --> 00:12:38,151
- Hey! Hey!
- Run! Run, run, run, run, run! - Okay, here we go!
317
00:12:38,223 --> 00:12:39,347
Judy! Kima!
318
00:12:40,534 --> 00:12:42,676
No!
319
00:12:46,928 --> 00:12:48,203
So,
320
00:12:48,349 --> 00:12:50,533
where do we go next?
I'm having a lot of fun,
321
00:12:50,678 --> 00:12:53,087
but I don't really know
what this mission is.
322
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:55,672
Yeah. Beth, what's
this all adding up to?
323
00:12:55,683 --> 00:12:56,832
Great question.
324
00:12:56,922 --> 00:12:59,848
All
will become clear.
325
00:12:59,989 --> 00:13:01,565
We just
gotta do more stuff first.
326
00:13:01,562 --> 00:13:04,229
And it might seem like just a
bunch of random fun things,
327
00:13:04,238 --> 00:13:07,648
but I promise it has, like, a
very deep meaning, okay?
328
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,305
Okay, you're the boss.
329
00:13:09,319 --> 00:13:10,818
Lead us on.
330
00:13:22,348 --> 00:13:24,915
Whoa.
331
00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:34,431
Hi, guys.
332
00:13:34,578 --> 00:13:37,321
We love living near your butts!
333
00:13:52,887 --> 00:13:55,537
You
left the keys in here!
334
00:13:55,697 --> 00:13:57,105
I've got you now.
335
00:13:57,193 --> 00:13:59,358
- No getting away this time...
- Run, run! - Go! Go, go, go!
336
00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:00,278
Damn it.
337
00:14:00,428 --> 00:14:02,094
Stupid horoscope.
338
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,591
This is not, in fact, my day.
339
00:14:04,676 --> 00:14:06,768
Left, left, up that hill!
340
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:07,929
Left, Judy!
341
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:09,743
Is he still behind us?
342
00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:10,847
Don't look back.
343
00:14:10,921 --> 00:14:11,994
Just go. Go. Go!
344
00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:13,992
Ride, my bitches, ride!
345
00:14:14,006 --> 00:14:16,398
I can feel the wind in my curds!
346
00:14:16,408 --> 00:14:18,333
Guys, what are we doing here?
347
00:14:18,478 --> 00:14:20,403
I'm going, like,
three miles an hour.
348
00:14:20,548 --> 00:14:22,398
All right, the calls
were a no-go...
349
00:14:22,544 --> 00:14:23,741
Too impersonal...
But when Lydia sees
350
00:14:23,817 --> 00:14:25,633
how much people
dig this, we'll be back
351
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,127
in biz in a wet minute.
352
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,384
- Free Wet Wolfs!
- Hell yeah. I've never said no
353
00:14:30,468 --> 00:14:32,209
to free food in
my life.
354
00:14:33,685 --> 00:14:34,534
No.
355
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:35,958
Hello, ma'am.
356
00:14:36,104 --> 00:14:37,679
How would you
and your child like
357
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:40,026
to munch my brother's
hopes and dreams today?
358
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:41,445
Stay away from my baby.
359
00:14:41,592 --> 00:14:44,518
I called the police and my dad.
360
00:14:44,660 --> 00:14:45,584
Awesome.
361
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,083
Tell them to bring
their appetites.
362
00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:49,928
We're
at Indian Point.
363
00:14:50,073 --> 00:14:51,073
Native land.
364
00:14:51,237 --> 00:14:52,570
This must be where
we complete the mission.
365
00:14:52,584 --> 00:14:54,976
Makes so much sense.
Ask the cheese ghost
366
00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:56,469
- where we should go.
- Just,
367
00:14:56,484 --> 00:14:58,134
head down that trail over there.
368
00:14:58,221 --> 00:14:59,145
Down the trail!
369
00:14:59,236 --> 00:15:01,128
Guys, please do not run.
370
00:15:01,214 --> 00:15:02,230
I cannot chase you.
371
00:15:02,378 --> 00:15:04,954
The drag on these
palazzo pants is insane.
372
00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,031
Wow.
373
00:15:09,047 --> 00:15:11,547
This place is incredible.
374
00:15:11,741 --> 00:15:13,041
Beth, what's the mission?
375
00:15:13,187 --> 00:15:14,595
We already did it.
376
00:15:14,609 --> 00:15:15,867
What? But all we did was
377
00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:18,848
play hooky from a conference
and have a bunch of fun.
378
00:15:18,932 --> 00:15:20,098
Yes, we did.
379
00:15:20,247 --> 00:15:21,746
We walked in the front
door of a restaurant
380
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,502
and sat right down and went
to a bunch of other places,
381
00:15:24,512 --> 00:15:26,512
and nobody called us
names or treated us like crap.
382
00:15:26,656 --> 00:15:29,174
And frankly, that
kicked total ass.
383
00:15:29,392 --> 00:15:31,242
Both cheeks. Right
cheek, left cheek,
384
00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:32,662
down the crack, Kima.
385
00:15:32,884 --> 00:15:33,491
Whoa.
386
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,157
Yeah, all the stuff I fought for
387
00:15:35,303 --> 00:15:37,061
is flippin' real as hell now.
388
00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:39,299
Well, I'm really glad
you got to enjoy it.
389
00:15:39,386 --> 00:15:40,885
I'm glad you got to enjoy it.
390
00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:43,216
'Cause, honestly, y'all are
kind of Goody Two-shoes.
391
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,951
You need to rebel a little.
392
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,632
No, I think
we're pretty cool.
393
00:15:46,777 --> 00:15:49,177
You probably just don't know
that 'cause you're an old ghost.
394
00:15:49,272 --> 00:15:50,438
First of all, how dare you?
395
00:15:50,528 --> 00:15:52,178
Secondly, you
guys were too nerdy
396
00:15:52,265 --> 00:15:55,099
to know you've been massively
toasted on gummies all day.
397
00:15:55,109 --> 00:15:56,867
- What?
- Yes, that girl this morning
398
00:15:56,863 --> 00:15:59,998
with the cool hair... She
gave you special gummies.
399
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,338
Judy!
400
00:16:01,486 --> 00:16:03,002
Judy, Judy! Those gummies we ate
401
00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:04,924
were Mary Jane.
402
00:16:05,145 --> 00:16:06,327
My God.
403
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,250
Everything makes
so much sense now.
404
00:16:08,470 --> 00:16:11,914
The munchies, my wet
hands, our very good decision
405
00:16:12,053 --> 00:16:14,553
to get dolphin tattoos
on our lower backs.
406
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,623
Hey, over here. Listen up.
407
00:16:16,635 --> 00:16:18,482
Those gummies are wearing
off and I'm about to disappear,
408
00:16:18,556 --> 00:16:20,038
- but Kima?
- Yeah?
409
00:16:20,111 --> 00:16:22,553
If I'm really your idol, don't
just reproduce my speech.
410
00:16:22,771 --> 00:16:24,771
That's what this little voice
from the back of your head
411
00:16:24,782 --> 00:16:26,541
that sounds like
me is telling you.
412
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,775
Go back to that conference
and mess some crap up for me.
413
00:16:28,848 --> 00:16:31,032
- Okay, nerd?
- You got it, cheese ghost.
414
00:16:31,193 --> 00:16:33,843
Kima! Judy!
415
00:16:33,928 --> 00:16:36,170
Okay, what in the
world is going on?
416
00:16:36,182 --> 00:16:38,924
Also, how do people
wear this type of pants?
417
00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:40,884
Because I have
fallen over a lot.
418
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:46,642
So you're saying a
girl from another school
419
00:16:46,717 --> 00:16:47,991
- gave you the gummies?
- Yes.
420
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:49,880
And I know this
is hard to believe,
421
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,174
but we did not catch on
422
00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:53,373
that they were not
normal gummies.
423
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:56,143
- I absolutely believe that.
- Hey.
424
00:16:56,244 --> 00:16:58,028
I am sorry to say
this, but I'm afraid
425
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,615
today's modern marijuana edibles
426
00:16:59,629 --> 00:17:02,779
are way too powerful for
nerd teens like yourselves.
427
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,180
90% of nerds who take
marijuana gummies die.
428
00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:06,621
-Those are just
the facts, -Okay,
429
00:17:06,762 --> 00:17:08,613
you can't just keep
calling us nerds.
430
00:17:08,757 --> 00:17:11,442
Judy, I just spent so much
money chasing you in various Ubers
431
00:17:11,584 --> 00:17:12,984
and I had to pay
your restaurant tab
432
00:17:13,156 --> 00:17:14,413
and promise them we'd
bring these plates back,
433
00:17:14,487 --> 00:17:16,670
so I will call you
whatever names I wish.
434
00:17:16,757 --> 00:17:19,758
- Fine.
- So, are you gonna tell our parents?
435
00:17:19,975 --> 00:17:21,583
Are you kidding?
I lost two students
436
00:17:21,728 --> 00:17:22,911
on an out-of-town field trip
437
00:17:23,059 --> 00:17:25,059
because they took
edibles and got tattoos.
438
00:17:25,071 --> 00:17:26,720
This goes with me to my grave.
439
00:17:26,735 --> 00:17:28,455
- Thank God.
- But you do have detention
440
00:17:28,546 --> 00:17:30,472
- for the rest of high school.
- What?! - No!
441
00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:32,951
You can tell your parents
you're helping me grade papers.
442
00:17:32,961 --> 00:17:35,387
- Ooh, I do love to grade papers.
- Nerd.
443
00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:37,789
Well, here we are at the
state house. You feeling
444
00:17:37,858 --> 00:17:39,266
sober enough to do your speech?
445
00:17:39,354 --> 00:17:40,779
Wait, we didn't miss it?
446
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,439
My God, you've only
been gone a few hours.
447
00:17:42,514 --> 00:17:45,366
Wow, those gummies really
mess with your sense of time.
448
00:17:45,507 --> 00:17:48,100
Like, I totally thought the
weekend was completely over.
449
00:17:48,185 --> 00:17:50,018
Dry buns! No fun!
450
00:17:50,239 --> 00:17:52,072
Good Lord. Now what?
451
00:17:52,085 --> 00:17:53,659
- What do we want?
- Wet!
452
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,172
- When do we want it?
- Now!
453
00:17:55,394 --> 00:17:57,318
This is a non-violent sit in.
454
00:17:57,331 --> 00:17:58,997
But that can change
on a dime, sweetheart.
455
00:17:59,143 --> 00:18:01,402
The people demand
you return the Wet Wolf
456
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:03,656
to its rightful place
atop the menu.
457
00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:05,149
Mr. Hoagie.
458
00:18:05,295 --> 00:18:07,554
Hello, Tobins. What
are we doing here, Wolf?
459
00:18:07,642 --> 00:18:09,700
Well, sir, welcome back.
460
00:18:09,711 --> 00:18:11,953
You look beautiful,
bald and beaming.
461
00:18:11,964 --> 00:18:14,206
I need you guys to stop
bugging my daughter.
462
00:18:14,351 --> 00:18:16,776
We took the sandwich off the
menu because no one ordered it.
463
00:18:16,861 --> 00:18:18,694
But my family always orders it,
464
00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:20,507
a-and there's a lot of us.
465
00:18:20,519 --> 00:18:22,353
They never order the Wet Wolf
466
00:18:22,499 --> 00:18:23,348
unless you're with them.
467
00:18:23,497 --> 00:18:24,771
That can't be true.
468
00:18:24,977 --> 00:18:27,585
Humid Hive? My Moist Militia?
469
00:18:27,596 --> 00:18:30,154
- Sog Squad?
- Sorry,
470
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:31,405
but it is true, sweetie.
471
00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:33,087
We all hate that
friggin' sandwich.
472
00:18:33,232 --> 00:18:34,916
- Aw.
- But we love you.
473
00:18:35,062 --> 00:18:36,987
Which is why we wait
till you're not around
474
00:18:37,057 --> 00:18:39,800
to hurl the hoagies
deep into the woods.
475
00:18:39,884 --> 00:18:41,401
Wolf, I only put it on the menu
476
00:18:41,565 --> 00:18:43,469
'cause you ordered it every
day back in high school.
477
00:18:43,542 --> 00:18:46,043
But once it was up
there, it went to your head.
478
00:18:46,054 --> 00:18:47,220
Whatever do you mean?
479
00:18:47,442 --> 00:18:48,532
You always came in
through the kitchen,
480
00:18:48,549 --> 00:18:49,789
which is against health code,
481
00:18:49,936 --> 00:18:51,770
and you expected
the sandwich for free.
482
00:18:51,766 --> 00:18:53,599
Well, yeah. Do you
think the Hamburglar
483
00:18:53,611 --> 00:18:54,702
pays for Big Macs?
484
00:18:54,850 --> 00:18:56,759
Wolf, I'm sorry. We can't put
485
00:18:56,771 --> 00:18:58,679
your very awful sandwich
back on the menu.
486
00:18:58,766 --> 00:19:00,599
Okay, guys.
Let's, pack it in.
487
00:19:00,687 --> 00:19:02,762
Guess I'll just go
back to being a nobody
488
00:19:02,907 --> 00:19:06,184
with nothing named
after me except myself.
489
00:19:06,399 --> 00:19:07,414
Hold on.
490
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,987
How about I name
the water station
491
00:19:09,076 --> 00:19:11,484
"Wolf's water station"?
492
00:19:11,497 --> 00:19:13,238
Wow, that's what
the sign will say?
493
00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:15,883
Sign? No, it'll just
be the water station
494
00:19:15,969 --> 00:19:17,210
we already have as is.
495
00:19:17,299 --> 00:19:19,875
But you'll always
know it's yours.
496
00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:21,565
- That seems like nothing. We...
- Love it!
497
00:19:21,639 --> 00:19:23,455
Water is way more
important than food.
498
00:19:23,543 --> 00:19:25,210
I can't wait until
our grandchildren
499
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:28,448
see this projected on
their bionic ice creams.
500
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,458
Okay, Humid Hive,
let's head around back
501
00:19:30,678 --> 00:19:31,874
so we can walk in
through the kitchen
502
00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:35,118
and get our free glasses
of Wolf's wet water.
503
00:19:35,276 --> 00:19:37,350
No. Wolf, no
walking through the...
504
00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:39,437
All right, they're going.
505
00:19:39,582 --> 00:19:40,932
And here to recreate
506
00:19:41,078 --> 00:19:42,912
Elizabeth Peratrovich's
famous speech,
507
00:19:42,925 --> 00:19:45,426
two students who have
definitely been here all day
508
00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:47,902
and did not have any marijuana.
509
00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:49,395
And marijuana is bad.
510
00:19:49,484 --> 00:19:51,317
Actually, it's just
gonna be Kima.
511
00:19:51,406 --> 00:19:53,388
Okay, just Kima, who is sober.
512
00:19:53,475 --> 00:19:55,308
Thanks, Mr. Golovkin.
513
00:19:55,471 --> 00:19:56,787
Okay, look,
514
00:19:56,784 --> 00:19:59,001
I was just gonna
recreate a speech today,
515
00:19:59,145 --> 00:20:02,055
but something... maybe it was
a container of cottage cheese,
516
00:20:02,196 --> 00:20:03,996
doesn't really matter
how I got the message...
517
00:20:04,101 --> 00:20:05,859
Told me that
Elizabeth Peratrovich
518
00:20:06,021 --> 00:20:08,948
would want me to cause
a little bit of trouble instead.
519
00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:10,514
So, here it goes.
520
00:20:10,528 --> 00:20:13,696
Let's start by talking about
Senator Bonnie Bunch-legg.
521
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:17,080
Or as us natives call
her, Bonnie Bitch-Legg.
522
00:20:18,178 --> 00:20:20,160
Get her, Kima!
523
00:20:20,247 --> 00:20:22,340
God, I wish I had
some blood to throw.
524
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,335
And then we got kicked out
525
00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:25,904
and Golovkin took us
526
00:20:25,994 --> 00:20:28,250
straight to the airport and
we had to fly home right away.
527
00:20:28,322 --> 00:20:30,155
So guess what? Suck it, Alanis!
528
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:33,042
We are nerds no more.
529
00:20:33,052 --> 00:20:34,535
Okay, Judy, but you do realize
530
00:20:34,549 --> 00:20:36,549
marijuana is harmful
for teens, right?
531
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,207
And I'm not just saying
that because we have
532
00:20:38,281 --> 00:20:39,536
a standards and
practices department
533
00:20:39,612 --> 00:20:42,112
up here in the sky that
requires me to do so.
534
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:43,530
Okay, Alanis.
535
00:20:43,620 --> 00:20:46,679
You're still
super blazed, right now?
536
00:20:46,763 --> 00:20:47,670
Must be.
537
00:20:47,686 --> 00:20:49,185
You want some fries?
538
00:20:49,274 --> 00:20:51,423
God!
There's a fry in my eye.
539
00:20:51,510 --> 00:20:53,752
I'm blind!
no, wait, no, I'm fine.
540
00:20:53,802 --> 00:20:58,352
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