All language subtitles for Bernie.2011.1080p.BRrip.x264.YIFY

I'm very honored to introduce

our guest lecturer today.

He graduated from here
about 15 years ago.

He's gone on
to a fabulous career.

I can't think of a single
person who's more qualified

or more adept
at the final procedures

you've been studying lately.

Now you've learned the science,

now's your chance
to learn the art.

Students, Mr. Bernie Tiede.

Thank you, Professor.

Thank you.

It's always an honor
to be asked back

and I do it gladly
because I feel...

if even one thing I say
or demonstrate today

helps you in any way as you
embark on your careers,

then everyone
will have benefited.

You, those who are grieving,

and the deceased.

The nails have to be clipped,

shaped and brought
back to life.

And you must cast
the nails to the person.

You wouldn't want a mechanic

to have the nails
of a flight attendant.

Would you?

It is very important to
remove any unwanted nasal,

ear, or facial hair.

We can never be too vigilant

in the lookout for that
one stray rogue hair.

The eyes are often
a minor problem

because they usually
want to stay open.

It's almost like they want one last
look at this miraculous world.

But with some Super Glue...

a little dab will do you...

and it's no more peeking.

Even though the features have
been set during the embalming,

you have to reassess
and readjust

because of continuing
emaciation and dehydration.

Perfect expression of the mouth

would be relaxed, natural,
with a little bit of a smile.

Can't have him looking
unhappy to be there.

And we must always be on guard
for the mischievous lip drift.

Even the slightest hint of
teeth can be disastrous.

You cannot have grief
tragically become a comedy.

Then, after a foundation

mixed with massage cream
to prevent dehydration,

even out coloration,

then apply highlights.

Do not over-cosmetize.

Most of those who service the
deceased apply far too much blush.

J ust a note
to always remember:

Too much color does not
make one look more alive.

The last detail to be managed

is the deceased's
body position.

Left hand over the right,

over the umbilicus,
in an attitude of ease,

of repose, of retirement.

The position of the head
is oh so important.

Neither star gazing

nor navel gazing,

but perfectly centered,

turned ever so slightly
to the right...

in greeting.

He's now been cosmetized,

he's ready to be dressed,

and casketed.

♪ Love lifted me! ♪

♪ Love lifted me! ♪

♪ Looove lifted meee! ♪

♪ I was sinking Deep in sin ♪

♪ Off on the peaceful shore ♪

♪ Buried deeply
Staying within ♪

♪ Sinking to rise no more ♪

♪ But the master Of the sea ♪

♪ Heard my despairing cry ♪

Bernie was a very
charismatic man.

A loving person.

And he had the ability to
make the world seem kind.

♪ Love looked at me ♪

♪ When nothing else
Could help ♪

♪ Love lifted me ♪

♪ Love lifted me ♪

Real good with people,
a real people person,

always had his hand out,
ready to shake it,

never met a stranger,
good with names,

good with questions.

He could remember if your
daughter was at Texas,

and your son was at A&M.

He'd remember that and he'd ask
you questions about those kids.

J ust made you feel real
good about yourself.

♪ When nothing else
could help now ♪

♪ Love lifted me ♪

♪ Souls in danger Look above ♪

♪ Jesus completely saves ♪

♪ He will lift you
By his love ♪

♪ Out of the angry ways ♪

♪ He's the master of the sea ♪

If the people in Carthage were

to make a list of those people

that they thought
would get to heaven,

I am sure that Bernie would be
right at the top of the list.

♪ Love lifted me ♪

♪ When nothing
Else could help ♪

♪ Now love lifted me ♪

His personality was,
just, like, magnetic, okay?

So people were drawn
to him all the time.

And because of that,
that personality,

before too long, he was the
most popular man in Carthage.

♪ Love lifted me
Love lifted me ♪

♪ Looove lifted meee ♪

Carthage is in east Texas.

And it's totally different
from the rest of Texas,

which could be five
different states, actually.

You got your west Texas out there
with a bunch of flat ranches.

U p north, you got them Dallas
snobs with their Mercedes,

and then you got Houston,
the carcinogenic coast

all the way up to Louisiana.

Then down south, San Antonio...

that's where the Tex
meets the Mex.

Like the food.

And then in central Texas,

you got the People's
Republic of Austin

with a bunch of hairy-legged
women and liberal fruitcakes.

Of course, I left out the panhandle,
and a lot of people do, but...

Carthage... this is
where the south begins.

This is life
behind the pine curtain.

And, and, and truth be
known, it's a good place.

Carthage has such
a good reputation

that it's listed in The Best Small
Towns of America, Volume Two

as the best small
town in Texas.

That's right. Page 157.

Oh, hell, most people live in
Carthage because they were born here.

Carthage sits on what was once one of
the biggest gas fields in the world.

Back in the gas
boom of the 40s and 50s,

a lot of people
got rich around here.

Well, as I recall,

we were gonna get a lot of
the older people in town

leaving for
the sweet hereafter,

and we got a little
backed up in the cold room,

frankly, I was
looking for some help.

Bernie must've seen
an ad or something.

He called from Louisiana and
I hired him over the phone,

not fully knowing
what to expect.

These are our viewing rooms.

Oh, look at that, you've
got these partitions.

That's so nice.

So, you got your associate's degree
in Mortuary Science at State?

Yes, sir.

Play any ball over there?

U h, no no, sir.

I wanted to concentrate
on my studies,

as much as I loved
football and whatnot.

Now here's our sanctuary.

It'll seat one twenty five.

Look at these green benches.
I love them.

Yeah, we changed those.

We had them normal
brown for so long

and I was a little worried about this green.
I don't know.

People don't complain.

I... I don't either,
I think they're great.

Oh, I hit the jackpot
with that guy.

He's the most qualified
young man I ever met.

He was excellent at removals,

an artist in
the embalming room,

could fix hair like
nobody in the business.

Waited well on the families
in the morning parlor,

could sing like a bird.

He ran a funeral
like a professional,

any aspect of
the funeral business:

Eulogizing, scripture reading,

singing... man, he could do it.

But most of all,

we're gonna remember
Fred as our friend.

Our... really... close... friend.

♪ Amazing grace ♪

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

♪ That saved a wretch ♪

♪ Like me ♪

I'll walk you to your car.

You poor thing.

This is so hard.

It's just so hard.

You're very brave.

Here now.

Oh, honey,

he was a magician.

He made all of us
just look beautiful.

I mean, he could make your
wrinkles all just go away,

and he would, if, if
you had a overbite,

he'd fix it so it wouldn't
be so sticky outie.

And he would take a bouquet
of small white roses

and put it in your hand.

I mean, he just made
everybody look so beautiful.

Except too bad you were dead.

It seemed like no matter
what happened to us,

whether it was car
wrecks or heart attacks

or household poisons, or guns left
locked and loaded around the house,

or choking on a little
piece of meat,

in the end, he always
made us look good.

Oh, you name the song,
he'd sing it.

If country folks came in requesting
an old gospel, he'd sing it.

Or trailer trash came in
requesting Loretta Lynn,

he'd sing that, too.

But as great as Bernie
was at performing a service,

he was even better at sales.

If you pardon my reach,
Mrs. Thompson,

this is a memory drawer.

It wasn't bullshit,
he really believed

that all those little
touches were necessary.

He even came up with this idea:

For 150 extra...

"Oh, that I had
wings like a dove,

I would fly away
and be at rest."

At this moment, as the casket
descends into the ground,

we now release a white dove

symbolizing
Mr. Callahan's soul...

passing on to the next world,

to the mystery
of the great beyond.

Yes, I agree,

that is a lot of money
to put down in advance.

But there's a right way and a
wrong way to approach this.

It was his idea to put up
more crosses on the wall

and change the lighting,

make it feel more like a
church or a sacred place,

less like a business
or an office.

Were you thinking
interment or cremation?

I beg your pardon?

He means buried or burned.

Buried. We already
have the plots.

I am so happy for you.

Can I tell you, I am not
fond of cremations.

I just don't like the idea
of someone spending eternity

in something the size
of a motel ice bucket.

I'd just soon drop
you in a ditch

by the side of the road.

Hey.

I want to keep it simple.

Yeah, this is... this is fine.

- I see.
- Yeah.

Now, these composite wood with
cloth we sell mostly to the county

to bury the unclaimed,
the indigent,

and also no
warranty, of course.

Warranty?

Oh, with our better caskets,

we guarantee that your remains

will be untouched by
rainwater, pesky insects,

burrowing animals
searching for food...

Also, now tall
are you, Mr. Eccles?

About 6'2".

Oh, dear.

These economy boxes
are not very large.

We may have to make a leg
adjustment to get a proper fit.

Leg adjustment?

Well, not necessarily break
the legs but definitely

- bend the feet...
- No! No,

I... I won't have it.

Then may I suggest...

the Corinthian.

♪ J ust as I am ♪

♪ Without one ♪

I'm pretty sure the first
time Bernie met Mrs. Nugent

was at the time
of Mr. Nugent's funeral.

♪ Was shared for me ♪

♪ And that thou be come ♪

Her husband, Dwayne,

he was just a tough
old typical old man.

And he liked to do business
just a handshake,

He would say things like...

I'll guaran-damn-tee yah...

He was some kind of exploration
guy with a big oil company

and he made a whole lot
of money back in the 60s.

He was too tight
to spend any of it

but he liked to invest his
money in everything he could.

♪ To thee who's blood
can cleanse ♪

♪ Each spot o' land ♪

As a matter of fact, he even
bought a bank here in town.

I believe it was '87,
he bought the bank.

He run that sucker
with a hard fist.

Just, I mean, he was kinda...

abrupt, and the way...

I appreciate it.

The way he done
business and stuff.

Of course, then after he died,
well, then she took over

and she started having
a position that he had

and if it was said
that he was kinda

disliked in the way
he did business,

you'd have to say that
she was literally hated,

'cause that old heifer,

she turned down loans
just for a hobby.

She was just a mean
old hateful bitch.

Hey. There's just no
other way to put it.

She wasn't friendly.

She... she really wasn't,

and she probably... there
are people in town, honey,

that woulda shot her
for five dollars, ya know?

I mean, when you live
in a small town,

you've got to be friendly
and nice to folks.

She would chew your ass
at the drop of a hat.

I mean, she'd rip
you a brand new

three bedroom two bath double
wide asshole. No problem.

I n the fourteenth chapter
of the book of John,

Jesus said, "Let not
your heart be troubled."

Well, I heard that
she hadn't talked

to her sisters in over 20 years

but when the mother died,

she was right in
there fightin' them

over quilts and chairs.

Can you believe that?

And one of the sisters even wanted
to donate land to the church,

but she interfered

because she didn't want
the church to have it.

She didn't like that pastor.

He wore Bermuda shorts
on his day off.

Friends and loved ones...

Everybody in town

knew that Mr. And Mrs. Nugent
weren't exactly friends

with their son Dwayne
Junior and his family.

He was a doctor out in Middleton,
almost never came to visit.

One of his daughters had
actually sued her grandparents

trying to get at
the money in that trust.

That made her so mad she never
spoke to any of them again.

Let us pray.

Marjorie Nugent. She was...

not a very nice lady and
her nose was so high

she'd drown in a rainstorm.

Mrs. Margy, she was
the kind of person

that I believe
she was born old.

She was just born
with this prune face.

That's pretty much the
impression people got from her.

I got a buddy of mine, Louie.

He's a decent fellow
I work for.

Mrs. Nugent took a broom
to his ass one day.

Would you like me to get up
and do the back in there?

Get out.

Oh.

- Beautiful service.
- Thank you.

- I'll see you on Sunday.
- Thank you very much.

He was great with the D-L-O-Ls.

That's what we all called
the "dear little old ladies."

All the widows in town
had crushes on Bernie.

J ust thought
I'd bring you a hankie.

Oh, yeah, old Bernie.

He loved to hug and kiss
on those older women.

At his age now, they were lucky
to get the time of day from him.

Hi.

Hi, Mrs. Nugent, I just...

wanted you to know
I was thinking about you.

- These times can be hard.
- Oh, thank you.

Okay.

I never asked him
to do this and

he wasn't getting
paid to do it,

but he would always stop by
and check on the widows

after he'd done
their husbands' funerals.

He just really
cared about them.

I mean, that guy was
just a sweet guy,

and they just
loved him to death.

Room service.

Hi, I'm just dropping
by again, Mrs. Nugent,

to pay my respects.

I brought you some soaps

and a little bubble bath
to soothe you in the tub,

and some chocolate cupcakes
for a late night snack.

Come in.

That... would be my pleasure.

I n high school I wanted
to be an evangelist

to save the souls
of my fellow students.

A lot of them were starting
to drink and smoke

and ride motorcycles

and have premarital sexual
experiences and all that.

- Oh, yes please!
- Here you go, Bernie.

Thank you, Esmeralda.

When.

Miss Marjorie?

One time I got four teenagers

to re-dedicate
their lives to Jesus,

but eventually I realized I was meant
for other equally important things.

Oh, please, Bernie,

touching all those cold
bloated bodies. Please!

Don't you think you were
meant to do something more?

No, no, no, no, Mrs. Nugent.

It isn't bad at all.

Their souls are already with the
Lord by the time I'm involved.

It's just my way to serve

and show respect
for the lives they led

and comfort all the loved ones

that they leave behind.

Well.

And some day, if I'm lucky,
many many years from now,

I will give you such
a beautiful funeral...

with all the roses
in East Texas.

I know it'll be the event
of the season in Carthage.

You know, I think that
Bernie was the one

that got Marjorie back to
church after her husband died.

Well, I know the Bible says

Jesus turned water into wine,

but it didn't say
liquor store wine.

It had to have been
non-alcoholic wine,

because it didn't
have time to ferment.

If Jesus could
walk on the water,

he could make any kind
of wine he wanted to.

Fermented or not.

Right on the spot.

Morning, ladies.

Sorry to interrupt.

Mrs. Marjorie, it is so good to
have you with us this morning.

I just want to put
a bug in your ear now.

Many of you know we're
hoping to start construction

on our new prayer wing soon.

Well, I'm hoping I can
count on a few of you

to join the fundraising committee.
Okay?

Think about it, now.
God bless you.

♪ This is my story
This is my song ♪

♪ Praising my savior
All the day long ♪

♪ This is my story
This is my song ♪

♪ Praising my savior
All the day long ♪

♪ Perfect submission
Perfect delight ♪

♪ Visions of rapture
Now burst on my sight ♪

♪ Angels descending
Bring from above ♪

♪ Echoes of mercy
Whispers of love ♪

♪ This is my story
This is my song ♪

♪ Praising my savior
All the day long ♪

No, we'll take my car.

No, I insist.

Don't be silly, Bernie.

Good, I'll see you
Saturday afternoon.

I'm... I'm looking
forward to it, too.

Okay, Mrs. Nugent, bye.

Oh, so sweet.

That was Bernie Tiede, the
assistant funeral director.

He's very sweet
and very nice to me.

Can't think of anyone who's been
that nice to me in 50 years.

Now, you!

You've got two minutes to
explain these accounts to me.

Or three minutes from now

I just might get myself
another stockbroker.

I can explain everything,
Miss Marjorie.

It's a very simple case of them
changing their accounting statements.

They changed their formatting,
it's re-formatted...

in a different format.

Hey, listen.

I couldn't help but hear
the end of that conversation.

I gotta tell you, Bernie,

you have got to be about the
bravest man in this town.

She isn't all that mean
like everyone says.

Now you sure about that?

Well, she doesn't
have anyone, Don.

She's a very lonely person.
She needs someone.

I've asked her to accompany
me this Saturday

to the Van Clyburn Piano
Competition in Fort Worth.

Well, have fun.

Ain't like she's the
richest widow in town.

Hell, maybe she'll
even pay for everything.

- Don!
- Hey...

And if she does offer
to pay for everything,

order up a couple of them
bottles of Dom Perignon.

You get her liquored up,

You might get lucky.

No, Don!

He sincerely believed that...

it was better to give
than to receive.

Well, Bernie had
a problem with money.

He was generous. Some folks
say overly generous.

What he was was a buy-aholic.

And... hell, he'd
walk into a store,

seen something he liked,
he'd buy the store

out of every goddamn
item he wanted

and give the shit away.

And that's crazy.

But that Bernie, he liked
to make people smile.

He wanted friends.

Acceptance, I guess,
is what you call it.

And Bernie could do
just about anything.

I mean, he could hang
wallpaper in people's houses,

and I've never seen
any man do this,

but he could make
curtains for people

and he was the head honcho

for the Chamber of Commerce

Christmas decorating committee.

That's a big thing in
Carthage, too, a big thing.

Bernie was really smart.

He helped people do their
tax returns, you know,

financial counseling...

Anything that you
pay for on the job

that the company,
the oil company

doesn't reimburse you for,
that's a tax deduction.

So, for instance, Toby,
these work coveralls,

did the company
provide you with these?

No, we got to buy our own.

Bingo. That is a tax deduction.

And how about
your lunch buckets

and your steel toe workboots,
they give you those?

- Why, hell no.
- That's what I thought.

You kidding me?

That's tax deduction
number two and three.

Thank you, Sheriff Huckabee.

You're listening to KGAS,
the heartbeat of East Texas.

Now before we get to the
school cafeteria menu,

and the wedding
anniversaries for the week,

here's Bernie Tiede
from Leggett Funeral Home.

Thank you, Jerry.

As some of you
are already aware,

Mr. Harvey Gunnolds left
this world all too soon

this past Wednesday after
a brief hospital stay.

I used to love having
him on the air.

I mean, every Friday people would
tune in just to hear Bernie.

And when he did the obituaries,

it wasn't like a so-and-so was
survived by so-and-so kind of thing.

It was... let's see
if I can remember...

Left in sorrow to mourn the passing
of the beloved Mr. Gunnolds

are Mima Gunnolds,
his mother, Georgia...

And the way he would make
them "look good" in death,

well, he'd make
them sound good, too.

Like Gunnolds was a drunk,

always startin' shit
wherever he went.

He finally got himself
killed in a pool hall.

Now how do you say something
nice about somebody like that?

Well, to Bernie,
it was, "He was known..."

for his social
engagements and his...

conversational abilities...

A kid would wrap
his car around a tree

and with Bernie it was...

and yet, death slipped
up on young Mr. Shotwell,

as gentle as a fallen mist.

What happened?

I regret to inform you

that four of your classmates
have just been killed.

Now this is gonna happen to you

if you drink and drive.

Is this what you want
to happen to you?

It didn't make no
difference what it was

or who ask it, if it was
good for the community,

Bernie'd give it all he had.

All the time.

He was very serious about
his commitment to Carthage.

Life is so beautiful,

every moment a miracle,

and yet in a blink it's gone.

Too young.

Too young!

Oh, he really had a way of
bringing the community together.

Not just at the funerals
and at the church,

he organized
a "Beautify Carthage" campaign,

and he put on the very first
East Texas art festival

and invited artists from
all around the region

to display their works.

Are these all...?

I'm sorry to stop you, are
these all done with that...

the what's that called?

It's all chain saw.

How do you do that?

I wake up in the morning
with an idea

and cut away everything
that ain't that idea.

Can I talk to you at some time?

- Do you have a card?
- Yeah.

Because I have an idea I
would love to commission.

I don't know if you
work that way, but...

Look at that card, he put
it on a piece of wood.

- I'm gonna call you.
- Alright.

- You're a gem.
- Thank you.

Thank you. Okay.

- See you later.
- Bye.

Oh, yeah, Bernie
took her everywhere.

He took her to the
Van Clyburn Competition,

took her up to
the junior college

to see some of
the rehearsals of shows

that he was working on.

Oh, yeah, he always
had Mrs. Nugent.

♪ I've never
Been in love before ♪

♪ Now all at once it's you ♪

♪ It's you forever more ♪

♪ I've never been
In love before ♪

♪ I thought my Heart was safe ♪

He had come to a production
in a local theater,

and he thought
it could be better

so he volunteered to help out

and pretty soon he was the
musical director for one show,

a director in another one,

and an actor in
almost all of them.

He just had a real
knack for drama.

♪ Please forgive this
Helpless haze I'm in ♪

♪ I've really never been ♪

♪ I n love before ♪

♪ I've never been
In love before ♪

♪ Now all I want to be ♪ ♪

I saw them at
a restaurant one time.

They was out to lunch together, and he
reached over and kissed her on the cheek.

But it wasn't a kiss like you
give your momma or your grandma.

It was more of a romantic,
sexual kiss to me, you know?

He had that graoning sound in the back of his voice.
It was kinda strange.

It just didn't
look right to me.

The word was it wasn't a
week after the funeral.

Mrs. Nugent gave Bernie
Mr. Nugent's $ 12,000 Rolex watch.

Hell, for that kinda money,
I bet he did kiss her.

I n a small town,
people will always

suspect the worst of someone.

But they'll also
suspect the best.

So we just thought
they were companions.

Look, it was widely assumed

that Mrs. Nugent
was paying Bernie

to "accompany her" places.

Oh, I'd estimate they spent

nearly a hundred thousand
a year on vacations.

They went to Russia,
Acapulco, New York City.

They went to Europe
on the Queen Mary,

always first class,
always some spa,

some resort,
some... sittin' in some

hot spring mineral
peeling water bath.

Margy looked so much better.

You see pictures of her on
these trips with Bernie.

She had nice hair,
she looked good,

she seemed happy,

and she had Bernie
to thank for that.

Marjorie realized she had
everything in front of her.

She could do anything
she wanted in her life,

and she wanted to travel.

Money was no object

but unfortunately, she
had no friends or family

that she wanted to travel with.

Until she met Bernie.

Hey, I'll tell you
one thing for sure.

On that trip to Belize,

they stayed in the same room.

And you know damn right well

they saw each other
in their underwear.

And I know for sure

that when she
went to Shreveport,

to get some sexy lingerie
at Doris' lingerie shop,

she got herself
a see through nightgown

that showed her breasts.

I mean, give me a break.

What is a woman her age

wanting to do
showing her boobs?

Seriously.

Disgusting.

Bernie was a little effeminate.

I mean, an unmarried
man in his late 30s,

going to all the musicals with
a bunch of old blue-hairs...

You know, I heard
that he was gay,

but he was such
a good Christian man,

everybody thought, you
know, how could that be?

That dog don't hunt. Nah.

There was always talk
about Bernie being

a little light
in the loafers but...

I always thought
he was celibate.

He was a nice-looking man and there
were lots of girls in the community

who would've loved to
have a date with him,

but he never seemed to show
much interest in that.

He stayed busy all the
time and was working.

He had a tendency to hold on

to another man's hands, touched
too long after shaking it,

and he had a subscription
to men's fitness magazine.

Now if you've ever seen Bernie
Tedie, you know darn well

it wasn't for the workout tips.

And when you
see him around town,

if he wasn't at the church or
at work in the funeral home,

he would always be where we these
doggone hemmed, starched shorts.

With his belt line...
above the navel.

And the kicker is
he always wore sandals.

Our Lord and Savior
always wore sandals

and he never married.

And he had 12 disciples

and I don't think
any of them ever married.

And the apostle Paul,
he was a lifelong bachelor.

And you never heard anybody
in the New Testament

say that they was
a bunch of queers.

No.

No, he had homosexual relations.
I know that for a fact.

This ain't San Francisco,

so around here we got a
lot of "closet homosexuals."

And I know of at least two men
that he had relationships with

that were heterosexual.

Were.

Now one of the main things
and why I have this job,

and why I feel like
I'm good at it is,

you see, I'm
naturally suspicious.

Sometimes I find myself waking
up in the middle of the night.

I'll be staring off

out through the backyard
into the woods and I...

I'll be thinking about
all the crime and mayhem

happening out there,

and that's... that's when I start
putting it together in my mind.

I stop the criminal.

I wait, I watch,

and I listen.

When the time's just right...

That's when I pounce.

Ain't nothing I enjoy more

than the sound of a criminal
that's just wriggling

on the end of my
hook, hey, you know,

and folks like to see
the D.A. At work.

But no county
ain't gonna hire a D.A.

Who doesn't know that
this is a full time job.

All the time.

One thing Danny
Bucks is good at

is getting Danny
Buck re-elected.

And he gets his little
photo ops in the paper,

busting up the copper rings
or the hub-cap rings,

or the meth labs,
but in slow times,

Danny Buck be out
digging up some shit.

Let me show y'all something.

You're gonna love this.

I call this
my wheel of misfortune.

Now what I've done is,
I've assigned numbers

to all the suspected
drug dealers around here.

If your number comes up,

number eight, Danny Buck's
come to get you first.

And not one of you dope
pushers is gonna get away.

Not one.

The best trick I ever pulled

is the time I arrested
five deadbeat dads

all at the same time.

You see, I was having
trouble finding them.

Actually, what I did is I used the
annual hands on a hardbody contest

the one at the Dodge
dealership on 79?

People were standing around
for days and days

with their hands
on the pick up truck,

and the last one with their
hand on the truck wins it.

What I did, is I got a rig

where they invited these five dads
who aren't paying child support.

I figured the idea
of a new truck

might get 'em to come
out of hiding.

Did it work?

You bet your butt it did.

Hey, get him!

I think we'd like to move
some out of financials

and into technologies,
maybe a little more Apple.

And we'd like to get a thousand
shares of Tommy Hilfiger.

I got a sneak-a-peek
at the new line for the...

What is this "we'd
like to" part, Bernie?

What do you know about
stocks and investing?

You bury people.

You're a mortician. You're
not an investment advisor.

No one uses the word
"mortician" anymore, Lloyd.

It's "funeral director."

Or in your case
assistant funeral director.

We just thought you were being a little
conservative with Marjorie's account.

Hello? Lloyd?

He hung up.

No.

Something crawled up his butt.

This is Lloyd.

Lloyd! Don't you ever, ever speak
to Bernie like that again,

or I'll be moving my account.

I'm sorry, I got a little
frustrated and I...

Don't be sorry,
just don't do it.

Well.

I have a son and
four grandchildren

some of whom have
threatened to sue me

and have actually sued me

and none of them visit or
appear to care about me.

Also my son is a physician

and amply provides
for his family.

For the reasons stated,

I am not including them as
beneficiaries under my will.

I give, devise and
bequeath my entire estate,

real, personal and mixed,

onto Bernhardt Tiede the
Second, outright and simple.

To life.

Oh, thank you, Crystal.

Here you go.

Cheers.

Give pills, give
me my pills, Bernie.

Pardon me?

You know I have to take
my pills before eating.

You were supposed
to bring them,

so where are they?
Give them to me.

I'm sorry, Marjorie, there must have
been a little misunderstanding.

I'd be happy to go to
your room and get them.

Excellent!

Okay.

She put his name
on all her bank accounts,

and then she gave him
a power of attorney,

which meant he could spend her
money any way he wanted to.

And he did.

Been on the line for a while.

Won't let go.

Hello, Marjorie, I...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I thought I told you

what I was doing this morning.

Well, I don't have my phone on

while I am up there.
You know that.

I'm sure we won't
be late for lunch,

but I'm on my way.

Okay. Bye-bye.

- This is my life.
- Okay.

Somewhere along the way,

Mrs. Nugent convinced Bernie to go
to part time at the funeral home

and go working
full-time for her.

She got rid
of all the usual help

and it was just Bernie.

He was her business
manager, travel companion,

her servant.

Bernie! You should've
been here hours ago!

But we still have time. We'll
be there on time, Marjorie.

I need you to go by the
cleaners and pick up my dress.

Now I've got
to wear something else.

You fooling around with those
damn planes all the time, Bernie.

I told you I was going to be...

Okay, you told me. What
good does that do me?

Things change
and I needed you here.

And because you never leave your
cell phone on all the time,

this is a pager.

You're going to wear it on your
person at all times, correct?

- Correct.
- Go get me a dress.

- Okay.
- Hurry. Hurry.

Hurry, hurry. Hurry, hurry.

Marjorie, please.

I can understand chewing
each bite of some food

25 times like
chicken fried steak,

but I don't think
you have to chew

your refried beans
that many times.

It doesn't really make sense.

It's unnecessary additional
work for your jaws.

Think of your poor TMJ muscle.

It can't be good for it.

It's inefficient.
Think about it.

You this drives me crazy.
Please stop.

This is like nails
on a chalkboard.

Okay, go ahead, chew like
that, chew like that all day.

Well, Bernie was so nice,

so accommodating,

so willing to keep from hurting
other people's feelings,

he just couldn't tell
anybody to piss off.

Bernie, I'm still waiting.

Would you rather hear
"Drama in Real Life?"

"Tips for Better
Summer Tomatoes" or...

Tips for Better
Summer Tomatoes.

"The best summer tomatoes..."

She was demanding,

condescending,

even conniving.

And she had intentionally put
him in a dependent position.

She was jealous of his time,

envious of his
community status,

and... overly generous to him.

So as to make him stick around.

So you just show
people around the boat?

All around the boat?

Yeah, I give tours.

And I bartend
in the captain's cabin.

- Oh, you have a lot of jobs.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're a jack of all trades.

It's good though.
The money's good.

Not bad. And you get to
see the world, right?

- Yeah, we do.
- That's cool.

- Yeah.
- Marjorie?

This is Kevin who works here.

Hello, Mrs. Nugent.

Bernie, we're scheduled
to be there now.

- I'm ready. Okay.
- Be still.

Okay. Do you want
me to get this?

- Stop asking questions.
- Okay, you got it.

- Thank you.
- Good, good.

- Let's go.
- Thank you.

- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Nice talking to you.

- See you, Bernie.
- Yeah. Okay, bye-bye.

Okay, you want to look
right down the lens

and say "Egypt."

Egypt.

Okay.

Okay, everybody, let's work on the
arrival of the Wells Fargo Wagon.

This wagon has all of
our instruments on it

so we're very
excited about it...

U h-oh, hold on.

Grrr. So I want to have
a pulse on each beat,

and I want to have everybody's
eyeline on the horizon

going like this and I want
some people to do this

because everyone's
doing this right now.

It's looking a little
too uniform, okay?

One, two, three, four and oh!

And ho! That's it. Okay.

Very good, relax the pose.

This is only going
to take a second.

If I don't call her, she
will give me living hell.

Hello, Marjorie, how are you?

Can I bring you anything?

Can it wait till
right after rehearsal?

We got another 40...

Okay, right away.
I'll be there.

Bye-bye.

Can you clean this up?

I have to go right away.
Thank you.

How's it going, Carl?

Old Mrs. Nugent just fired me.

What happened?

She said I stole a lawn mower.

Snuck it out to my
place in Niggertown.

What?

Why does she think that?

Oh, she saw me leave with it,

I was taking it
to get it fixed.

Let me talk to her, okay Carl?

Don't go getting
a new job just yet.

Okay. But I ain't
going back up there.

Not today anyway.

I don't blame you.

I will get to the bottom of it
and I will call you back. Okay?

So sorry about this.

Alright.

Oh, you just pop up whenever
it's convenient for you!

J ust when you think
it's fine for you,

you come! Well, fine
fine, fine, fine!

What happened with Carl?

I got rid of him! I
caught him red handed!

God knows what else he's been
stealing from me, Bernie!

He says he was
gonna get it fixed.

- That's what he says.
- Well, I don't think Carl...

And those flowers
he's supposedly planted,

they were supposed
to bloom two weeks ago.

He's a lazy good fer nothin'.
The man's never done anything!

I don't think that he would
ever do anything like...

Why are you stickin'
up for his kind?

Marjorie, you're making it
very hard to be your friend.

I'm gonna come back
some other time.

Oh, just go ahead, desert me.

J ust like everybody else, go ahead,
go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

Go, go, go! You hate me!

Marjorie, I am not
going to take part

- in this argument.
- You know.

- I know you hate me!
- No!

Like everybody else!

Oh.

Basically, it was like
Bernie became her property.

You'll never leave me. Never.

He was her sole source
of entertainment,

had to do everything for her.

I truly believe the guy felt
he was smothered, choked,

unable to get his wind.

I don't know how the guy stood it.
Well.

Come on, just pull
the damn trigger.

I don't think I can. It
doesn't feel aimed right.

Look, look, all I want

is for you to
shoot that armadillo

that is digging
up my garden, okay?

I mean, is that too
much for me to ask,

for you to be a man
for once in your life?

Fine.

Now I'm holding you responsible

for anything getting
dug up in my garden.

Okay? You go out and
fix those holes yourself.

Dig one you can fit in.

Let me see.

Did you go by the cleaners
to pick up my dress?

Yes, earlier.

Did you lysol
my kitchen counters?

Did you pick up the Preparation
H from the pharmacy?

No, but I figured
we'd go by there

on the way to lunch. Do you still
want to go to Jalapeño Treat?

- I guess.
- Okay, hold still.

Jeez.

Will you be attending

our dress rehearsal tonight?

No.

Marjorie?

Marjorie, are you okay?

Marjorie, say something to me.

Marjorie, can you talk to me?

Marjorie, can you
say something?

Oh no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, Jesus, no, no,
no, what have I done?

Oh, God! What have I done?

Please tell me what to do!

I'll do whatever
you want me to do!

♪ Seventy six trombones
Led the big parade ♪

♪ With a hundred and ten
Cornets close at hand ♪

♪ They were followed by Rows and
rows of the Finest virtuosos ♪

♪ So is the cream
Of every famous band ♪

♪ Seventy six trombones
Hit the counterpoint ♪

♪ While a hundred and ten
Cornets blazed the way ♪

♪ To the rhythm
Of march! March! March! ♪

♪ All the kids began to march ♪

♪ And their marching
Still right today ♪ ♪

Great job, everyone.

It seemed like the flags
were a little late,

also I want to make sure that
those fleahops are right.

Now I got off that time

but I feel like I got off
because one of you got off.

But it was a really great job.

Take five, we're gonna take
it again from the top.

I don't think too many of us

ever asked very many questions

about Mrs. Nugent,
and if we did,

he would always have
a very plausible explanation.

Hello, Billy,
this is Bernie Tiede

calling on behalf
of Mrs. Nugent.

Yes, yes, she missed her
holiday haircut appointment

but she's asked me to tell you
that she won't be coming back in.

She wants to try someone else.

Well, I'm sorry to say this

but she says that you take too
long and charge too much.

Billy, I'm sorry, but
I'm just the messenger.

I was rather devastated
at the very idea

that she was not coming
anymore after 30 years

of being her
friend, hairdresser,

confidante sometimes,

and she just was gonna vanish.

It was easy
for her to disappear.

Nobody was looking for her.

Not her son,
not her two sisters.

One of them
lived here in Carthage.

They hadn't spoken
in about 10 years.

You want to sign
this for Mrs. Nugent,

our generous benefactor?

Only person looking for
her was her stockbroker.

Oh, God.

Hello?

Bernie? Bernie!

Wh... where's Marjorie?

I... I... I haven't spoken
to her in over five weeks,

I've left 11 messages.

She's with me right now, Lloyd,

and I'm sorry I couldn't
tell you earlier

but she's had a series
of small strokes.

I've been meaning to call you
and let you know her situation.

No, she should
not be attempting to talk. No.

No, you can't talk.
The doctor said...

She's indicating for me
to tell you hi from her.

He sends you all his best.

Okay, well,

we'll be in touch
when she's feeling better.

I n the meantime, let me know

if I can help you
with anything. Okay.

Okay, bye-bye.

Bernie knew better
than touch my accounts.

But he was going after what
would go into her bank accounts

because that's where
all the royalty checks went.

It's usually 50,000 a month.

Now he really started
being generous.

He paid 5,000 dollars for the Shreveport
orchestra to come over play the Messiah.

He bought a high dollar
harpsichord for school.

He paid for the choir
to go to Russia.

Well, yeah, he hired me
back for more money,

which is fine with me.

Oh, he bought jet skis,

he bought nine cars,

he bought
struggling businesses,

he paid 40,000 dollars
for Carthage Awards.

That's a trophy shop.

He loaned the money
to the Yokums over here,

that opened up Boot
Scootin Western Wear.

I guess that was Carthage's
answer to Neiman's.

Bernie just told everybody to
pay him back when they could.

You know, pay me when you can.

But they never did.

Bernie knew my twin girls'
birthday was coming up,

and he thought they should have

a big nice playhouse, you know?

Little girls.

Bernie bought this
playhouse for my girls.

Oh.

Thank you.

I just feel like I need to say,
Bernie Tiede, God bless you, son.

You've done more to transform the
town of Carthage than anyone else.

- Oh, thank you.
- God bless you, Bernie.

Bernie could've bought a mansion
for himself with the money.

But he kept that little house

worth, maybe, 50,000.

Now he bought cars
for folks that needed it.

And he paid cash for those.

But that old Lincoln
he was drivin'?

He had it financed.

And he was usually
behind on his payments.

No, there really wasn't
any greed in him.

Almost everything he
got from Mrs. Nugent,

he gave to somebody else.

Lloyd seems to be
pretty concerned.

He thinks the family
should get involved.

Oh, good lord, you
gotta be kidding me.

I don't know why
Lloyd is so paranoid.

It's like I told him.

She's at the Scott White
Nursing Home in Temple.

She didn't want
everyone to know,

'cause she's afraid the
family would come in

and try to take
over her affairs.

That sounds just like Marjorie.

That's Marjorie alright.

One hundred percent.

You know, Bernie,
she's my sister,

and I guess that
I should love her.

But she's just mean.

She's just hard down mean.

Mm. Well, there's some
goodness in there, too.

She used to tear up my toys,

she pulled the heads
off my dolls,

she used to tear up
my homework.

And next up is Mrs. Ida Parker.

Ida says she does not
like knitting, crocheting,

gardening, cooking fancy food,

excessive housework,
or artsy hobbies.

She's planning on doing these
things when she gets old.

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Queen of my song ♪

♪ List while I woo thee ♪

♪ With soft melody ♪

♪ Gone are the cares of ♪

♪ Life's busy throng ♪

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Awake to my song ♪

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Awake unto me ♪

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Awaken to me ♪

Thank you.

So you saw Mrs. Nugent
in April of this year?

You know, I believe
it was April.

With your own eyes?

Well, you know, I didn't actually...
see her that day, I...

I came to her house to get
her to sign some documents.

Bernie comes to the door,
says she's feeling poorly.

J ust then, he takes the documents
back and she signs them.

I go on about my business.

Okay. It confirms a pattern.

I appreciate it.

Well, it sounds like
Lloyd Hornbuckle

called Wayne J unior
up in Amarillo,

and got him all riled up.

Oh, boy.

You know, I think
Lloyd's just upset

because he's losing commissions
during her illness.

He can't move Mrs. Nugent's
money around

and keep taking his commissions
the way he's used to, so...

It may be so, but Dwayne
J unior says his money

comes in every year for his
kids from his dad's will.

It hadn't come in this year.

And it won't until Mrs. Nugent's
in better condition

to take care of such things.

The poor lady's in the hospital

having suffered a major stroke.

She simply doesn't
want to be disturbed.

Tell everyone
for heaven's sake,

to please have
a little more patience.

Well, that's fine with me.

I don't want her disturbing me,

if you wanna know the truth.

I'm sorry you had to get
wrapped up in all this.

Oh, forget about it, Lloyd
Hornbuckle's just a busybody.

- I'll see you later, Bernie.
- Thank you, Sheriff.

Hello.

You are living
in a wold of guilt.

All the police have to do is
find one shred of evidence

and it's off to hell you go.

Lloyd, is that you?

Lloyd? Hello...

Bernie, are you okay?

Yeah, I just...

Can I ask you something?

Of course.

It's so strange.

Do you believe a person
could be capable of...

an action...

and yet to them it feels like

it's not even them doing it.

Almost like Jekyll and Hyde?

Bernie, stop worrying,
it's okay.

Someone's personal proclivities
are nobody's else's business.

We all love you like you
are, Bernie, no matter what.

♪ Shackled by a heavy burden ♪

♪ B'neath the load
Of guilt and shame ♪

♪ Then the hand
Of Jesus touched me ♪

♪ And now I am
No longer the same ♪

♪ He touched me,
Oh he touched me ♪

- God bless you, Bernie.
- God bless you, Mr. Brown.

- That was beautiful.
- Thank you.

- You have a blessed weekend.
- God bless you too.

Thank you.

As always, Bernie,
I love the songs.

- Thank you.
- My sympathies.

Thank you, Mari Belle, it's
always great to see you.

I'm so sorry
Marjorie didn't hear that,

I hear she's doing better.

Yes, some days it seems she's
starting to feel better but...

I'm still afraid...

I'm gonna lose her soon.

Finally.

Nine months since I had last
laid eyes on Mrs. Nugent,

we got into her house.

Grandma?

Mrs. Nugent?

Grandma?

Nothing.

There's nothing.

Why would she tape
her freezer shut?

Oh, my God.

Sheriff!

Sir, I'm a reporter
for KCMchannel.

Ma'am, hold on.

Would you care to make a
statement about what's going on?

- Sheriff?
- Hey, Danny.

- I n the freezer?
- Yeah.

All in one piece or chopped up?

- All in one piece.
- Holy shit.

Frozen like a Popsicle.

Be careful.

Alright, get rolling,

straight to Dallas,
no stopping for coffee.

- Alright.
- No sir, we ain't stoppin'.

We had loaded up the freezer
with its contents intact

for transport to the Dallas
Medical Examiner's office

where the forensic
experts over there

are gonna study it.

At this time, are there any
suspects in the murder?

Oh, there's one man in
particular I can think of

I sure would like to talk to.

Hey, Sheriff, did you
actually find him yet?

We're still looking for him.

He wasn't at Carthage aviation,

Carthage Awards or his house.

Alright, look...

we're gonna throw a net over
the entire tri-county area

to find our number one suspect.

We might be dealing
with a madman here,

a bonafide deranged killer.

Achieving goals,
mastering skills,

the opponent
isn't the other team,

it's really just yourself.

And if you've worked hard,

and done the absolute
best that you can,

then no matter what
the scoreboard says,

you are the winner
in the game of life.

You can hold your head high...

Mr. Tiede, may we
have a word with you?

Of course. Right now?

Sure.

I'm gonna go talk
to the police.

Gentlemen, you have
earned yourself...

a great dessert. Go, Rattlers.

I'm so proud of you.

This way.

How long you been thinking
about killing her, Bernie?

I never thought of me
killing Mrs. Nugent.

I'd... I guess I fantasized
about her death,

but I was never
the one responsible for it.

She always died
accidentally like...

in a car accident or falling down the
escalator at the mall in Longview.

I was always the one weeping
by her open casket.

Comforting others,
being comforted myself.

Why'd you want
her dead, Bernie?

Mm, she had become so mean
and possessive of me.

I... I couldn't face being
around her any longer.

And then it just... happened.

I don't know. I shot her!

I shot poor
Mrs. Nugent four times.

With the armadillo gun.

Then what?

Well, then the Lord
called her Home.

I know I done wrong and I
must atone for my sins. Oh!

Elizabeth, I just heard Bernie
killed your sister Margy.

Oh, honey, no.

Marjorie's in a nursing
home over in Timble.

No, no, she is in a deep
freeze going to Dallas.

Nobody in a million years

could've imagined that
that could've happened.

Shock! I could not
believe Bernie did this.

No way.

Well, it was fucking unbelievable.
Nobody could believe it.

You know, I could see somebody
wantin' to do that to her,

but Bernie Tiede's the last
person I woulda thought done it.

I mean, we were just shocked,
just shocked. J ust disbelief.

The Bernie I knew
was somewhat of a sissy.

And it just ain't no way

I can see him
ever killing anybody.

I thought they'd
made a mistake.

You got this sweet guy,
you got Bernie,

who's just the nicest
fella I'd ever met,

and I've known him
for a little while,

and then you got... Mrs. Nugent

who is not nice,

not nice to a
large degree, just evil.

So you got this sweetness
and you got this evil,

and they're kinda battlin'
each other...

and you know that something
at some point's gotta give,

something's gotta break

and she was justs more evil
than he was nice, I guess,

and he just exploded.

We're all capable
of that dark moment.

If we ever get angry enough.

He must've wanted
to get caught.

All he had to do
was put her body

in one of his airplanes,

fly her out over the Gulf
and push her right out.

No body, no arrest.

A woman like that
with a bad heart...

he shoulda just shoved the
pillow right over her face.

Then they probably wouldn't
even done an autopsy.

A few days later, he'd
be doing her funeral.

Oh, I just started
shaking my head

going, "Oh Bernie,
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie."

Who in their right mind
would kill their meal ticket?

It was crazy around here.

People were on Danny Buck
like ticks on a coon dog.

Yeah, Danny Buck, you
know Bernie didn't know

anything about
shooting a rifle.

He didn't go huntin',

he wouldn't know a deer
blind from an outhouse.

That he wouldn't.

There are not enough
nice men in this town.

Leave poor Bernie
alone, Danny Buck.

We don't even think he did it.

He confessed.

Danny Buck,

you knew Mrs. Nugent as
well as any of us did.

Did you ever stop to think

maybe, just maybe

Bernie did it in self defense.

Self defense.

Maybe it was a
forced confession.

They could've
beat it out of him.

He's too sweet to stand
up under interrogation.

Look, there was
no interrogation.

He walked in, sat down
and told us everything.

Simple as that.

Well, hell.

Even if he did do it,

she was so mean and ornery,

she had it coming to her.

It's not as bad as
people say it is.

He only shot her four
times, not five.

You know what?

You people are
as crazy as a coot.

I like Bernie Tiede
as much as you do.

He did shoot her though!

I tell you what.

I don't claim to
know what Bernie did

or did not do.

I figure that's between
him and God Almighty.

And the way I figure it,

that's where it should stay.

Man, I hope I'm on that jury.

Yes, we need to be able to forgive
someone who's done something wrong.

And no matter what
the truth is,

Bernie is going
to need our prayers.

So, folks, we
need to understand

that tragedies are simply
tests of our faith.

And right now,
Bernie needs to know,

especially during this
testing of his faith,

that God and this congregation

have not abandoned him.

Good to see you,
thanks for coming.

Good to see you.

God bless you for everything.

Reverend. Now listen,

I understand you going all
New Testament on him but...

you got to at least
take him off the prayer list.

Hey, I gotta stay neutral,
everybody needs a preacher.

Neutral?

Reverend, basically you were
supporting a criminal act.

You know, all I hear
is poor Bernie.

Nobody's talking
about poor Marjorie.

Hell, everyone seems
to be forgetting

that there's a lady,
a member of this congregation,

shot in the back four times

and put in the freezer.

Danny, the Bernie
you're talking about

is not the Bernie
this church knows.

The heck it isn't.

It sounds like the only Bernie
you're choosing to remember

is the one that donated 100,000
dollars to your church. Reverend.

Danny, look, I'm sorry
you feel that...

It's been hard on everyone.

Alright, kiddos.

All the good that Bernie
had done for everybody,

or for us around here,
it just...

they come in, and then
it was gonna get all.

Mrs. Nugent's money back
that Bernie had spent.

We lost our airport,

we lost our best store,

cars, some people
lost their houses,

jet skis.

He spent 600,000 dollars
of Mrs. Nugent's money.

No paperwork, anything?

A receipt?

I don't know, I mean...

he just gave it to me,
said I could have it.

Well, you know, at least
they could've left

some money for the church.

Hell,.

Here they come!

Although rumors have
been circulating

about a possible plea bargain

to lesser charges
or a probated sentence,

District Attorney
Danny Buck Davidson

has shocked East Texas

by filing first degree murder
charges against Tiede,

which could result
in a life sentence.

Clearly, the tiny town
of Carthage is buzzing

with opinions over the murder.

He didn't shoot
Mrs. Nugent in the back.

He didn't do it.

Bernhardt Tiede
ain't no monster.

Ain't no jury gonna convict
Bernie of first degree murder.

In fact, I don't know

if a jury's gonna
convict him of anything

and I'll say this, if a
jury as to convict him,

they'll probably gonna
give him probation.

They ain't gonna send him
to the penitentiary.

I n the meantime, Bernie
sits in the county jail

where he's reportedly
already become

a popular inmate

leading a Bible study group

and cooking meals
for the staff.

Now, we are going
to line the bottom

of the pie dish with cheese

to provide a barrier between
the liquid and the crust.

Now a lot of people
use grated cheese,

but I found that if you cut it
in little quarter inch cubes,

it does a better job of keeping
the crust from getting soggy.

Now, we are going to sauté the
broccoli lightly in olive oil

till it's just bright green.

That keeps the flavor in.

If you put it in raw,
it's completely flavorless.

I'm not saying we want
the case totally dropped,

but isn't there some way to keep
Bernie from getting punished too much?

That's $ 14.74.

So let me ask you
something, Mrs. Beck.

If someone came along and shot
you in the back four times,

would you still be fine with me not
letting them get punished too much?

If I'm on that
jury, Danny Buck,

I'm votin' to acquit.

As far as convicting Bernie,

I feed you straight. I mean, even
with the confession in my pocket,

I was a bit trepidacious.

I mean, it's like he cast a
spell over the entire area.

All the little old ladies,

Methodist church people,

anybody he'd ever
given anything to.

With Mrs. Nugent's money.

All the closet homosexuals.
Everybody.

Everybody thought he
was gonna get off.

But I had one
card left to play.

And I went all in.

Trials are generally moved
when the judge determines

that the defendant can't get
a fair trial locally.

And that's usually because the crime
is so egregious and so well known

that everybody in the community
has already convicted

the poor son
of a bitch accused of it.

But in all the years I've
been doing this for a living,

I have never heard of the state

seeking a change of venue

because the defendant
was so well liked

that they couldn't
get a conviction.

So when I heard that the judge had
actually agreed to move the trial,

giving in to Danny Buck's
harebrained request,

my first thought
was, "Oh, shit."

Our donkey's in a ditch."

Bring in the freezer.

Let the jury be able to see

where Mrs. Nugent spent the first
nine months of her afterlife.

A poor excuse for a casket.

Boys, make sure it
opens up to the jury.

There's some wild shit on
both sides of the courtroom.

But, you know,
this was the big stage

the big town, the big show
they'd been waiting for

and they pulled
out all the stops.

They wheeled in
the actual deep freeze.

They projected pictures of
frozen dead Mrs. Nugent.

And then they started bringing out
the crying weeping relatives.

And then I went to the freezer.

And I saw

underneath her corn
and her steak and...

her pot pies was...

the top of her head.

It was so horrible.

No further questions,
Your Honor.

When was the last time you
talked to your grandmother?

U m, I don't remember.

Isn't it true that
you and your brother

sued your grandmother
almost four years ago?

We were advised to by a lawyer.

A lawyer?

You mean, just some old boy
come in off the street?

Or are we talking
about your lawyer?

I guess he was working for us.

I'll say he was
working for you.

He was trying to get your
grandmother's money, wasn't he?

Did you ever speak
to her after that?

I don't think so.

Oh, you don't think so.

Well, you know you didn't.

But you told us earlier that you
were real close to your grandmother.

Now was that the same woman
you were suing for money?

Is that the same woman

that you have not spoken
to in four years?

I felt in our hearts
we were still close.

I knew he was in trouble

when I saw that jury.

And Bernie was just gonna have to
get up there and explain himself

to a bunch of Saint Augustine
cousin-countin' rednecks over there.

I mean, they got more
tattoos than teeth

and there ain't no brain
in the whole dozen of 'em,

and they're supposed to decide

big things like this?

I mean, shoot, I wouldn't
let 'em work on my car.

Now, Bernie,

after you were arrested you
gave a confession, correct?

Yes, sir.

How did you feel
about Marjorie Nugent?

I cared for Marjorie deeply.

I loved her very much.

And I've sent letters
from jail to her family

asking their forgiveness
for ruining Margy's life

and the pain I've caused.

Well, if you cared for her,

even loved her,

why do you reckon
you killed her?

I could probably describe
it like being in prison

to some degree.

She wouldn't allow me
to have any friends,

and I'm a people person. I
got to have my friends.

She was very jealous
and possessive of my time.

She had become so hateful.

I don't even remember picking
up the gun that day.

It was like someone
else was doing it.

So why did you
leave the body there?

It would seem to me that

if you didn't
want to get caught,

you'd find some way
to dispose of it.

Oh no, no, no.

I could never do that.

That was never my intention.

Everyone deserves
a proper burial.

And I was...

I was just waiting for my
chance to give her one.

Thank you, Bernie.

I'll pass the witness.

So help me out here, Bernie.

On this trip with Mrs. Nugent
to New York City,

did you fly first class?

Yes, I believe we did.

Tell us the difference between
like the first class seats

and the regular old seats
in the back of the plane.

I... I've never been up there.

I'd say the seats
are a little larger maybe.

More comfortable.

Don't they have people waiting'
on you and stuff too, you know?

I mean, people
bringing you fancy food,

and serving you whatever you want
to drink and stuff like that?

Yes, the service
is probably a little better.

Oh, so you like the
first class treatment.

First class lifestyle, the
best that money can buy.

I was accompanying Mrs. Nugent

who usually preferred these
things when she traveled.

So.

Now, on that
New York City trip,

it says here that
you and Mrs. Nugent

stayed at the...
the Ritz Carlton?

That's a fancy hotel near
Central Park, isn't it?

Yes, I believe that
is where we stayed.

It also says here that while
you were in New York City,

you saw an opera.

And a Broadway play.

I think it's called
"Les Miserables."

Les Miserable.

That's impressive.

What?

So culture is important to you.

I n what way?

Well, you seem to know all
these fancy words and such.

Well, that one's
not very difficult.

Not for you.

You know all about the high
class life, don't you?

I... what... like what?

Like, I don't know,
say for instance what...

what kind of wine are you
supposed to have with fish?

No, I don't... white usually.

That takes a lot of money

to have so much
culture, don't it?

To... to enjoy the finer
things in life

that you love so much.

The ritzy hotels, first class
flying off to the big cities.

I mean, it takes a lot of money

to live that way, don't it?

No, I... left
to my own devices,

I would not have been traveling
in such an expensive...

But left to someone
else's devices, you were!

And after you killed
Mrs. Nugent,

you kept on spending
her money, didn't you?

A lot of it!

And if you wouldn't
a been caught,

you'd still be spending
her money today.

Wouldn't you?

Wouldn't you?

Ladies and gentlemen,

after listening to
all the evidence,

I'm sure that you will agree

that the defendant
is a liar, a coward

and a backshooter.

Now, come on.

That's got to be
about the lowest thing

a man could ever do, ain't it?

Shoot a little old
lady in the back?

Four times.

There is no doubt in my mind

Bernie Tiede is a
calculating evil actor.

He fooled a whole town

for nine months.

Now if he can do that,

there ain't no telling
what he'll do

if you let him
back on the streets.

That poor woman stayed frozen
stiff for nine whole months.

I n a freezer.

It took two days
to thaw her out.

J ust so they could
perform a proper autopsy.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

Your honor, counsel, ladies
and gentlemen of the jury,

all Danny Buck Davidson
wants to do in this trial

is get you to believe that
Bernie is some kind of monster.

That he is something other
than a fellow human being.

Look at him,
ladies and gentlemen.

There is not one hint of
premeditation in this case.

If there was, he'd have
done it a lot differently.

He mighta gotten away with it.

Did he try to poison
her slowly? No.

Did he burn down the house?

Say it was an
accidental fire? No.

He still knew he done wrong.

He knew he was gonna
get found out.

He just didn't have the courage

to tell on himself.

But like a good
funeral director,

he preserved the body so that
she could have a proper burial.

And in the meantime he did a lot
of good for a lot of people.

Till he finally got caught.

He just doesn't sound like any kind
of monster I've ever heard of.

Thank you.

That doesn't excuse
the crime that was committed.

Now look, everybody's describing
Bernie Tiede as such a great guy.

"Oh, he's so wonderful.
He's an angel."

Let me tell you,
he's an angel alright.

An angel of death.

Thank you.

Bernie Tiede, please rise.

Mr. Foreman, it
is my understanding

that the jury
has reached a verdict.

Yes, sir, we have, Your Honor.

Is it unanimous?

Yes, sir.

Would you please
read the verdict?

We, the jury,

find the defendant
Bernie Tiede,

guilty of murder as charged.

They gave me life.

I won't even be up for
parole for 50 years.

I'll be 89 years old.

Danny Buck, you gotta
hand it to him.

What he did,
is two groups, you know.

It was the high-falutin'
first class livin'

Bernies of the world,

and then there was
the, you know,

let's dig a hole in the backyard
and cook something, you know?

Put another tire on the fire, George.
I'm cold.

It was just two different
worlds he created there

and Bernie wasn't
of their world.

It's not as bad as you think.

I'm the choir director,
teaching four classes.

I'm in the craft shop
most of the day.

I miss my freedom.

Well, sure you do, hon.

I'm making the best of it.

Got a lot to live for.

You do. You do.

I wanna help people here.

Well, I have to tell
you what I've done.

I wrote the warden a letter.

Yeah, I did.

I told him that he had to
give you a work release

or something like that

so that you could
sing at my funeral.

Now, I'm not sick or
anything, but now Bernie,

you promised me that
you would do that.

And I totally mean wear
those chains or whatever

if it made them
feel better so...

That is awful sweet, Lenora.

And it would be an honor
but don't count on it.

I don't think they're letting
me out of here for nothing.

Oh!

Sure they will. I told him that
you went temporarily insane.

And we're all going
insane sooner or later.

I mean, that's the way
I look at it.

U h-oh. He's telling
me our time is up.

I cannot tell you how
much it means to me

that I'm still in your prayers.

And that I'll
always be with you.

Yes. And you know
how much we love you.

And I will tell you,
I look around here.

You need to take
care of yourself

and be real careful
because I think

this could be
a dangerous place.

- You think?
- I do.

And we'll come back
in a couple of weeks.

Take care. I love you.

I love you, baby.

You take care of him.

I don't care what he did.

Yes, I do care.

It was wrong.

But I believed that if Bernie
were truly sorry for what he did,

and would ask
God's forgiveness,

God would forgive him.

And after all, that's all
that really matters.

I will miss him.

All of us will.

I'll never believe

till the day God calls me home

that Bernie Tiede
killed Mrs. Nugent.

And... and that's
just the way I feel.

And my husband told me, "Daisy,
when you go up there",

"you don't change your mind if
you see some of those people"

"standing out there in the
courthouse that you love,"

"that's your friends too."

I said, "Hey, I don't think
Jesus could change my mind."

That's just the way I
feel from day one.

And I will always
feel that way.

Bernie was a good man.

Bernie had a great heart.

We need more Bernies
in this world.

Murderers come along once
in a blue moon over here

and typically,
they're family related,

I mean, it's just
how it works out,

we don't have strange killings,

it's just some family member
got upset with the other

and shot him, killed him dead,

and they know they gonna go

to penitentiary for a while.

Now we even have
less murder trials

'cause most of 'em plead out.

So this thing
becomes a media circus,

we got people coming in from
all across the U nited States.

Old Danny Buck, we caught
him with a stiff neck,

he... he got kind
of stiff neck,

kinda get your neck
a little stiff,

he got a stiff neck, he
was like a pig in shit

when all this was going up.

Talking about what
wine to drink with fish,

I mean, those people drink
warm beer with fried mudcat

and he's trying to say...

I took one look at the
jury and I said, U h-oh.

Scrappy, you ain't
gonna do it, buddy.

I mean, you ain't gonna do it.

You don't have enough
equipment to bring

these people outta their
dang hovels over there.

Jesus, he's my daddy,
he's my cousin.

It's like, some of them people

shouldn't be allowed
out of the county

and we took the whole damn
trial over there, you know?

What are they asking for?
I don't get it.

I don't get the legal system.

♪ He put her in the freezer ♪

♪ And pulled down the lid ♪

♪ Didn't even move it ♪

♪ J ust made sure
It was plugged in ♪

♪ He gave a lot of parties ♪

♪ Kept her packed on ice ♪

♪ No one suspected anything ♪

♪ 'Cause Bernie Was so nice ♪

♪ Oh, Bernie, oh, Bernie, ♪

♪ What have you done ♪

♪ You killed poor Mrs. Nugent ♪

♪ You never even ran ♪

♪ Oh, Bernie, Oh, Bernie ♪

♪ What have you done ♪

♪ You killed poor Mrs. Nugent ♪

♪ You never even run ♪

♪ After all those months ♪

♪ No one had seen her face ♪

♪ The local law decided ♪

♪ They should
Search the place ♪

♪ And when the search
That ended ♪

♪ To everyone's surprise ♪

♪ They found her
Shot and frozen ♪

♪ As Bernie took her life ♪

♪ Oh, Bernie, Oh, Bernie ♪

♪ What have you done ♪

♪ You killed poor Mrs. Nugent ♪

♪ You never even run ♪

♪ Oh, Bernie, Oh, Bernie ♪

♪ What have you done ♪

♪ You killed poor Mrs. Nugent ♪

♪ And never even run ♪

♪ You killed poor Mrs. Nugent ♪

♪ And you Never even run ♪ ♪

I ran out of air on that one.