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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:20,678 [Music] 2 00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:32,359 [Music] 3 00:00:37,869 --> 00:00:48,759 this is viburnum he's 22 years old he's 4 00:00:45,039 --> 00:00:50,950 a male and he looks like the genetic 5 00:00:48,759 --> 00:00:55,599 product to the giraffe having sex with 6 00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:56,800 Ellen DeGeneres he has a gigantic head 7 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,600 and tiny nipples 8 00:00:56,799 --> 00:01:01,719 [Music] 9 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:06,070 he's isolated himself over the last five 10 00:01:01,719 --> 00:01:12,489 years in the suit of comedy and in doing 11 00:01:06,069 --> 00:01:12,979 so has lost touch with reality you're an 12 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,839 asshole 13 00:01:12,980 --> 00:01:17,700 [Music] 14 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:20,760 you hear me 15 00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:24,320 you think you know better than me 16 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:27,469 you think you know better than everybody 17 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,469 you will 18 00:01:27,519 --> 00:01:32,500 and you will deserve it 19 00:01:29,950 --> 00:01:37,540 but in the meantime you might as well 20 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:40,290 tell those silly jokes of yours see if 21 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:40,290 that helps 22 00:01:52,269 --> 00:01:55,569 [Music] 23 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:14,789 [Applause] 24 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:16,530 welcome to the show this is bonuses 25 00:02:14,789 --> 00:02:17,840 she's showing boat takes up his pants 26 00:02:16,530 --> 00:02:18,259 like bass 27 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,750 [Music] 28 00:02:18,259 --> 00:02:24,389 [Applause] 29 00:02:20,750 --> 00:02:27,810 play an invisible trumpet trumpet sound 30 00:02:24,389 --> 00:02:31,069 drink some invisible water oh shit that 31 00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:31,069 water is real 32 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:42,348 Oh make you feel dr. ball and a voice 33 00:02:36,378 --> 00:02:46,120 and make you feel comfortable these days 34 00:02:42,348 --> 00:02:46,119 that prolonged eye contact 35 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,390 my god 36 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,849 [Applause] 37 00:02:55,389 --> 00:02:59,948 god 38 00:02:56,849 --> 00:02:59,948 [Applause] 39 00:03:00,969 --> 00:03:05,930 my contact 40 00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:07,180 contact 41 00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:13,248 [Music] 42 00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:13,248 [Applause] 43 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:21,030 make it more comforting 44 00:03:17,699 --> 00:03:21,030 [Music] 45 00:03:21,389 --> 00:03:26,799 you wanna see a magic friend 46 00:03:23,669 --> 00:03:26,799 [Applause] 47 00:03:29,969 --> 00:03:33,038 [Music] 48 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:50,759 or is it at that moment 49 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:53,930 Bo's twenty-year-old cynicism melted - 50 00:03:50,759 --> 00:03:53,929 childlike wonder 51 00:03:54,539 --> 00:04:01,878 new that you do so much magic in the 52 00:03:56,340 --> 00:04:06,150 world it's a world of possibilities bow 53 00:04:01,878 --> 00:04:08,929 what do you want to do first run yeah 54 00:04:06,150 --> 00:04:08,930 sure you can run 55 00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:19,449 but yeah you can fly what the fuck what 56 00:04:15,759 --> 00:04:25,699 the fuck are you doing stop stop stop it 57 00:04:19,449 --> 00:04:28,870 idiot stop and stop and stop anyways in 58 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:31,490 the distance bo saw a beautiful fairy a 59 00:04:28,870 --> 00:04:34,819 fairy so beautiful that he felt proud 60 00:04:31,490 --> 00:04:36,650 about being called in high school he 61 00:04:34,819 --> 00:04:39,829 then came across an old bridge with the 62 00:04:36,649 --> 00:04:42,949 troll standing guard bo knew they'd have 63 00:04:39,829 --> 00:04:46,969 to answer a riddle to get by the troll 64 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:49,699 spoke thus all right for the last time 65 00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:52,060 man I'm not a troll I'm homeless okay do 66 00:04:49,699 --> 00:04:55,009 any spare change 67 00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:57,829 okay that's a used napkin and a want 68 00:04:55,009 --> 00:05:00,759 that no no stop just don't leave just 69 00:04:57,829 --> 00:05:00,759 leave please leave 70 00:05:01,290 --> 00:05:07,389 and then his beau arrived on the other 71 00:05:04,949 --> 00:05:09,519 side of the stage 72 00:05:07,389 --> 00:05:13,418 you saw a unicorn with five horns right 73 00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:15,688 in front of him and the Penta corn spoke 74 00:05:13,418 --> 00:05:17,389 thus 75 00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:22,470 how about 76 00:05:17,389 --> 00:05:22,469 [Music] 77 00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:31,350 [Music] 78 00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:38,439 [Music] 79 00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:42,038 he was safe 80 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:42,560 for now but the dark thoughts would soon 81 00:05:42,038 --> 00:05:50,449 return 82 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:50,449 [Music] 83 00:05:55,370 --> 00:05:58,569 [Applause] 84 00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:04,490 [Music] 85 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:16,650 it's so hard to be a lizard 86 00:06:18,730 --> 00:06:25,379 to be a lizard 87 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:28,370 [Music] 88 00:06:25,379 --> 00:06:28,370 cinching is ER 89 00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:36,879 it's hard 90 00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:41,139 [Music] 91 00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:41,139 but it's harder to segue 92 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:51,990 [Music] 93 00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:54,790 or here's a him he's in a gay porn okay 94 00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:58,120 this mining shit is getting pretty 95 00:06:54,790 --> 00:07:01,350 annoying so give them the real thing my 96 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,350 voice to stuff 97 00:07:04,439 --> 00:07:07,519 [Music] 98 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:15,500 Rebecca this is the end of the song in 99 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:17,740 the beginning of the show welcome to the 100 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,740 show 101 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:46,779 that lizard parm is pretty fucking 102 00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:50,769 stupid anyway San Francisco you have 103 00:07:46,779 --> 00:07:54,759 yeah we are a place we are replaced in 104 00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:56,199 California um I'd like to uh like to 105 00:07:54,759 --> 00:07:57,759 start with a joke for my male audience 106 00:07:56,199 --> 00:08:02,229 this is a joke for the fellas where my 107 00:07:57,759 --> 00:08:03,279 fellows that fellas yo fellas don't you 108 00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:06,060 hate it when you're blowing a guy he 109 00:08:03,279 --> 00:08:08,259 ends up being a faggot am i right 110 00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:11,139 I've been blowing a faggot this whole 111 00:08:08,259 --> 00:08:17,259 time third time this week 112 00:08:11,139 --> 00:08:22,060 thank you so much having fun this um 113 00:08:17,259 --> 00:08:23,500 this show is called what and I hope 114 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:26,319 there's some surprises for you or 115 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:30,000 something Jesus sorry it's a good start 116 00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:30,000 I hope there's some mystical water 117 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:42,740 nothing is real so um we grow up grow up 118 00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:48,139 with your applause stick it round 119 00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:50,409 you meant enough to water over just 120 00:08:48,139 --> 00:08:52,939 don't if it's on repeat it will repeat 121 00:08:50,409 --> 00:08:55,039 just this is it well just we can cut all 122 00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:55,870 this so we meant to play the track again 123 00:08:55,039 --> 00:08:57,589 [Music] 124 00:08:55,870 --> 00:09:00,639 [Applause] 125 00:08:57,590 --> 00:09:00,639 [Music] 126 00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:16,159 food jokes let's do some food jokes 127 00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:18,320 segues are weird I had a I had a hot dog 128 00:09:16,159 --> 00:09:23,269 for breakfast today and afterwards I 129 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:27,160 felt like this because I couldn't 130 00:09:23,269 --> 00:09:27,159 control my stools all right Jesus 131 00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:39,169 blecch like poop based puns they'll be a 132 00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:41,600 majority of the show a comedic moment 133 00:09:39,169 --> 00:09:47,740 see so just a little lesson for 134 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:54,649 comedians um this first song is called a 135 00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:56,930 world on fire next song a little bit a 136 00:09:54,649 --> 00:10:02,149 little bit longer than that one 137 00:09:56,929 --> 00:10:09,078 and thinking the house that I am in I'm 138 00:10:02,149 --> 00:10:12,078 really sad it's called sad it's about 139 00:10:09,078 --> 00:10:13,669 other sad stuff just picture depressed 140 00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:25,829 onion cutting itself 141 00:10:13,669 --> 00:10:25,829 [Music] 142 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:30,219 I met a homeless man named rich 143 00:10:32,919 --> 00:10:38,929 isn't that terrible I sort of fly or for 144 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:41,420 a lost dog and the dog didn't have any 145 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:43,179 legs it's not a diabetic kid 146 00:10:41,419 --> 00:10:45,620 [Music] 147 00:10:43,179 --> 00:10:48,949 trick-or-treating I saw a giraffe who 148 00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:55,549 had a short neck that was sad or a deer 149 00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:59,830 I saw an old man get hit by a train he 150 00:10:55,549 --> 00:11:02,740 didn't see it in the pouring rain 151 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:05,100 he didn't hear me shout look out for the 152 00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:05,100 Train 153 00:11:06,049 --> 00:11:09,559 because I didn't say anything 154 00:11:12,929 --> 00:11:18,519 I just thought to myself 155 00:11:15,169 --> 00:11:18,519 ooh this is gonna be sad 156 00:11:18,899 --> 00:11:25,679 and it was I'm a genius 157 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:33,818 I saw a man with only one eye 158 00:11:35,649 --> 00:11:41,449 in a 3d movie I saw a little boy drop 159 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:44,060 his ice cream cone directly on his 160 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:46,610 mother's corpse I saw a kid stuck in a 161 00:11:44,059 --> 00:11:51,189 tree then the kid jumped off any hyung 162 00:11:46,610 --> 00:11:51,190 itself I saw a boy who had red hair I 163 00:11:52,299 --> 00:12:00,319 went to a store looking for something to 164 00:11:56,509 --> 00:12:06,069 buy but they only sold paintings of the 165 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:12,250 same sad guy no way this store sells 166 00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:12,250 mirrors see what I did there let's rock 167 00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:19,180 the world's the sad bros 168 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:27,250 Payne genocide for sexism racism 169 00:12:24,159 --> 00:12:30,730 I kind of remember there's good things 170 00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:31,779 about it too like the fact that none of 171 00:12:30,730 --> 00:12:32,480 that's happening to me 172 00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:34,699 score 173 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:36,720 [Music] 174 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:41,940 still though it's hard not to be sad 175 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:43,290 about it how do you all do it I've been 176 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:44,700 telling you guys terribly sad things 177 00:12:43,289 --> 00:12:48,599 this whole song you've been sad at all 178 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:50,490 you've been you've been happy no you've 179 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,360 been laughing that's it laughter it's 180 00:12:50,490 --> 00:12:53,250 the key to everything 181 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:55,710 it's the way to solve all the sadness in 182 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:57,059 the world I mean none of the people that 183 00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:58,290 are actually sad but the people I guess 184 00:12:57,059 --> 00:13:00,449 they're gonna fucking deal with them all 185 00:12:58,289 --> 00:13:02,500 the time 186 00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:04,210 being a comedian isn't being an 187 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:06,039 insensitive prick capitalizing in the 188 00:13:04,210 --> 00:13:11,610 most animalistic impulses of the public 189 00:13:06,039 --> 00:13:14,939 it's being a hero the world isn't sad 190 00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:17,700 world's funny I'm a sociopath pleasure 191 00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:19,050 an old man slip and fall he what a 192 00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:20,759 fucking idiot 193 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:22,589 I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral 194 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:24,600 ha ha ha 195 00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:28,740 classic comedy everything that once was 196 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:32,600 sad is somehow funny now the Holocaust 197 00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:37,820 in 9/11 that shit's funny 24/7 cuz 198 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:41,720 tragedy will be exclusively cho too bad 199 00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:44,810 because my empathy is bumming me 200 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:51,410 [Music] 201 00:13:44,809 --> 00:13:56,779 goodbye sadness hello jokes 202 00:13:51,409 --> 00:13:59,929 [Music] 203 00:13:56,779 --> 00:13:59,929 thank you 204 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:17,149 I got a really good joke about video 205 00:14:14,958 --> 00:14:18,768 editors video editors are so fucking I 206 00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:20,389 think we should do a poem right now if 207 00:14:18,769 --> 00:14:22,369 that's okay this poem is a little bit 208 00:14:20,389 --> 00:14:24,948 sappy a little bit romantic so we'll get 209 00:14:22,369 --> 00:14:27,889 it out of the way now and we will go 210 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:30,289 back to the whoops the the dirty stuff 211 00:14:27,889 --> 00:14:33,889 you know everyone loves it a Late Show 212 00:14:30,289 --> 00:14:39,828 or whatever okay it's called I fuck 213 00:14:33,889 --> 00:14:48,558 sluts it's not a roll call but thank you 214 00:14:39,828 --> 00:14:50,388 sluts sluts sluts I fuck sluts let's get 215 00:14:48,558 --> 00:14:53,178 fucked when I fuck sluts Noah fans and 216 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:54,649 or BOTS I fuck sluts I fuck sluts nice 217 00:14:53,178 --> 00:14:56,088 girls are nice but no good for nut 218 00:14:54,649 --> 00:14:57,379 sucking they'll need a serene night to 219 00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:58,999 green-light a buttfucking but that'll be 220 00:14:57,379 --> 00:15:00,918 easy with slaves the old slut fucking 221 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:04,548 booed the nice girls praised fetus lot 222 00:15:00,918 --> 00:15:06,470 fucking I have a list a list yes the 223 00:15:04,548 --> 00:15:08,208 list of all the sluts Agnes - I've never 224 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:10,069 fucked or sucked these sluts and thus my 225 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:12,138 nuts are fucking pissed so when I fuck 226 00:15:10,068 --> 00:15:14,238 the lucky slut my nut removes her from 227 00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:16,308 the list another dumb cum bucket struck 228 00:15:14,239 --> 00:15:19,939 from my nut sucking suck it slut slut 229 00:15:16,308 --> 00:15:24,889 fucking bucket list yes you hear the 230 00:15:19,938 --> 00:15:30,019 influences Chaucer Keyes pages are blank 231 00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:31,909 I know it why am i lying to you sluts 232 00:15:30,019 --> 00:15:33,649 can be white black brown Pinker Amin 233 00:15:31,909 --> 00:15:34,698 that could be skinny with big tits or be 234 00:15:33,649 --> 00:15:36,889 skinny with small ones 235 00:15:34,698 --> 00:15:38,389 sluts can be perky prep your posh with 236 00:15:36,889 --> 00:15:42,038 their brains in the clothes all shrunk 237 00:15:38,389 --> 00:15:42,038 from the wash excuse me 238 00:15:45,169 --> 00:15:51,569 but other sluts are pretty and funny and 239 00:15:47,519 --> 00:15:53,340 smart these sluts can lift on your 240 00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:55,379 thoughts when your dick to your heart 241 00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:57,480 they can talk about science music or art 242 00:15:55,379 --> 00:15:58,860 they can put you together or they can 243 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,350 pull you apart but don't trust these 244 00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:03,090 sluts don't don't you dare the force you 245 00:16:01,350 --> 00:16:04,320 trust them and love them and care and 246 00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:06,269 then they'll be gone and then you'll be 247 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:08,340 aware of that hole in your heart that 248 00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:11,909 that dumb slut left there thank you very 249 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:13,290 much so he was lashing out with sexist 250 00:16:11,909 --> 00:16:21,389 language because he had his heart broken 251 00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:21,929 we all learned something thank you all 252 00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:23,730 for coming 253 00:16:21,929 --> 00:16:25,169 um I know some of my bits are a little 254 00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:26,879 bit fast and dance a little bit hard to 255 00:16:25,169 --> 00:16:28,049 follow a particularly that one so I want 256 00:16:26,879 --> 00:16:29,399 to do something a little bit slower for 257 00:16:28,049 --> 00:16:32,609 the people maybe the older people the 258 00:16:29,399 --> 00:16:34,090 crowd or something so um this for you on 259 00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:42,558 here's a slow joke 260 00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:42,559 [Music] 261 00:16:56,740 --> 00:17:14,299 like sharks as in shucking corn that 262 00:17:02,629 --> 00:17:19,578 also sucks the exclamation my good 263 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:21,828 farming fun um my father recently told 264 00:17:19,578 --> 00:17:22,970 me that I act too flamboyant on stage 265 00:17:21,828 --> 00:17:29,269 and I said really dad 266 00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:30,380 Reuven he said what about that joke 267 00:17:29,269 --> 00:17:31,460 where you throw confetti at the end of 268 00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:32,690 it I said I haven't written that joke 269 00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:40,190 yet because it's based off this 270 00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:42,549 conversation gotcha keep it keep the 271 00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,549 struggle 272 00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:48,930 we're having a lot of fun guys don't 273 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,190 worry about you don't have to fill the 274 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:52,360 silences with laughter or applause I 275 00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:54,070 don't want you leaving this show 276 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,539 thinking Mike hands heard from clapping 277 00:17:54,069 --> 00:17:58,059 my stomach hurts from laughing I just 278 00:17:55,539 --> 00:18:04,569 want you leaving the show thinking all 279 00:17:58,059 --> 00:18:07,029 right and we're on our way I moved to UM 280 00:18:04,569 --> 00:18:11,470 Hollywood recently from Boston where I 281 00:18:07,029 --> 00:18:13,240 grew up and places and I I I heard about 282 00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:14,200 these sort of wild Hollywood party 283 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,849 nights that people would have an didn't 284 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,750 think they were true until I moved to 285 00:18:15,849 --> 00:18:18,819 Hollywood and I started having them 286 00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:19,930 anyway this is a there's a song about a 287 00:18:18,819 --> 00:18:23,240 crazy night that happened a couple weeks 288 00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:25,070 ago it's called what did i do last night 289 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:28,359 [Music] 290 00:18:25,069 --> 00:18:28,359 see ya gee 291 00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:35,108 hey hey one in our two last night 292 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:35,109 [Music] 293 00:18:40,089 --> 00:18:43,468 cry myself to sleep 294 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:58,209 [Applause] 295 00:18:59,450 --> 00:19:09,120 it was a good one when did my mother 296 00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:14,159 first subscribe guys next to me good 297 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:16,889 question I was eight years old I was 298 00:19:14,159 --> 00:19:18,120 eight years old she brought me into the 299 00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:20,190 dining room she sat right across the 300 00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:21,269 table from me she said you know how your 301 00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:23,640 father and I love each other 302 00:19:21,269 --> 00:19:26,099 I said of course you and Dad loved each 303 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:28,559 other more than two people in the world 304 00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:30,480 could possibly love each other she said 305 00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:31,798 well two men can love each other in the 306 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,190 exact same way that your father and I 307 00:19:31,798 --> 00:19:36,690 love each other 308 00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:39,390 she said what happens when two men love 309 00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:42,840 each other like that what they do is 310 00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:45,538 they they take off all their clothes um 311 00:19:42,839 --> 00:19:48,048 they get into bed and they shit on the 312 00:19:45,538 --> 00:19:48,048 Bible 313 00:19:56,900 --> 00:20:01,550 so don't talk to her anymore okay 314 00:20:03,109 --> 00:20:10,229 hello patient to 462 hi I'm sorry how 315 00:20:07,710 --> 00:20:12,960 are you feeling not great it's the 316 00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:13,380 treatment being working no it hasn't 317 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,029 been 318 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:17,700 what are you will remain in symptoms I 319 00:20:15,029 --> 00:20:19,440 just I internalized my feelings I just I 320 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:21,390 have trouble articulate other people and 321 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,460 relating to them it's just far little 322 00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:26,040 bitch yeah real mature of you 323 00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:29,340 disembodied voice up there just joking 324 00:20:26,039 --> 00:20:33,059 nigga we are right by Oakland careful to 325 00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:34,199 that shit alright just get to that what 326 00:20:33,059 --> 00:20:35,909 what's wrong with me 327 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:39,000 what is wrong with me please your 328 00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:41,640 emotions and your logic are at war okay 329 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:44,970 your creativity and your analysis on war 330 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:47,430 and most simply your left and right 331 00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:49,529 brain overall my left to my right to fix 332 00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:52,289 the problem we must separate them from 333 00:20:49,529 --> 00:20:55,109 each other circle splitting your 334 00:20:52,289 --> 00:20:57,779 neurological functions in five four 335 00:20:55,109 --> 00:21:00,449 three we booked an appointment you don't 336 00:20:57,779 --> 00:21:01,769 just start counting down this may hurt a 337 00:21:00,450 --> 00:21:04,130 bit I don't even know what idiom here oh 338 00:21:01,769 --> 00:21:04,129 just 339 00:21:11,819 --> 00:21:20,470 isolation complete this is most 340 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:23,740 left-brain objective logical cold 341 00:21:20,470 --> 00:21:28,900 analytical aware of patterns aware of 342 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:30,450 trends he's efficient and a prick this 343 00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:34,150 is most right brain 344 00:21:30,450 --> 00:21:37,299 subjective creative sensory aware of 345 00:21:34,150 --> 00:21:43,500 feelings aware of people he's emotional 346 00:21:37,299 --> 00:21:43,500 yes and yet it's your opinion so just 347 00:21:44,130 --> 00:21:48,550 play nice 348 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:50,440 I am the left brain I am the left brain 349 00:21:48,549 --> 00:21:53,379 I work really hard to my inevitable 350 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:55,990 death brain you got a job to do you 351 00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:57,820 better do it right and the right way is 352 00:21:55,990 --> 00:22:03,819 with the left brains mind 353 00:21:57,819 --> 00:22:07,509 I like Oreos and I cried for at least 354 00:22:03,819 --> 00:22:10,589 one hour after watching Toy Story 3 355 00:22:07,509 --> 00:22:10,589 I am the right 356 00:22:10,599 --> 00:22:17,048 I have been making a little all over the 357 00:22:14,589 --> 00:22:21,159 place but a lustful trust full and I'm 358 00:22:17,048 --> 00:22:23,798 looking for somebody to love some female 359 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:25,900 here comes a female love your chest I'll 360 00:22:23,798 --> 00:22:28,720 take your phone and check your email our 361 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:30,460 evolutionary purpose is repopulate so 362 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:33,339 gather data now and see if she's the 363 00:22:30,460 --> 00:22:35,529 possible mate holy fuck I think she 364 00:22:33,339 --> 00:22:39,519 might be the one 365 00:22:35,529 --> 00:22:41,339 there's something about her I just can't 366 00:22:39,519 --> 00:22:45,279 describe it 367 00:22:41,339 --> 00:22:50,079 tits I am the earth she's the glorious 368 00:22:45,279 --> 00:22:54,279 Sun I want her to trust me and I just 369 00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:56,740 want her to sit on my face fit all right 370 00:22:54,279 --> 00:22:58,000 now right brain you're being insane no 371 00:22:56,740 --> 00:23:02,099 left brain 372 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:04,960 I'm just being alive you should try it 373 00:23:02,099 --> 00:23:07,059 you might like it 374 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:09,279 I worked hard to give him everything he 375 00:23:07,059 --> 00:23:11,649 cared about you were worried about the 376 00:23:09,279 --> 00:23:14,829 things that he was scared about I'm calm 377 00:23:11,650 --> 00:23:17,259 and collected would you ask wild I am me 378 00:23:14,829 --> 00:23:20,669 a dog you are the child do you think 379 00:23:17,259 --> 00:23:24,660 you're the right one every time 380 00:23:20,670 --> 00:23:28,860 you think you know everything you don't 381 00:23:24,660 --> 00:23:32,040 know anything at all half of his 382 00:23:28,859 --> 00:23:36,000 problems we're supposed to be mine 383 00:23:32,039 --> 00:23:39,349 but you wanted everything I hope that 384 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:40,519 you're happy because he's short 385 00:23:39,349 --> 00:23:44,519 [Music] 386 00:23:40,519 --> 00:23:46,079 according my calculations you're a pussy 387 00:23:44,519 --> 00:23:47,279 name-calling really we're gonna do 388 00:23:46,079 --> 00:23:49,500 name-calling I'm not calling names 389 00:23:47,279 --> 00:23:51,420 dating back to the fact is you're a 390 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:52,769 quivering pussy I'd the pussy well they 391 00:23:51,420 --> 00:23:54,720 said I'll play but toy is still okay 392 00:23:52,769 --> 00:23:56,940 Rubik's cubes are not toys to keep my 393 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:59,279 spacial reasoning skills sharp let brain 394 00:23:56,940 --> 00:24:02,400 plays a toy and look at you Johnny 395 00:23:59,279 --> 00:24:05,670 fucking toy a player will decided my 396 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:07,140 fucking job I kept him working at end of 397 00:24:05,670 --> 00:24:09,509 productive you were supposed to look 398 00:24:07,140 --> 00:24:10,800 after him you're supposed to keep mostly 399 00:24:09,509 --> 00:24:12,900 stable for all this now you're trying to 400 00:24:10,799 --> 00:24:14,819 blame me for every stealing how he's 401 00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:17,220 feeling if he's feeling unhappy it's 402 00:24:14,819 --> 00:24:19,589 because you failed him you did this to 403 00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:22,190 me hates you I know he does he fucking 404 00:24:19,589 --> 00:24:22,189 hates you 405 00:24:28,140 --> 00:24:38,140 right brain look I'm sorry no you're not 406 00:24:34,859 --> 00:24:38,139 [Music] 407 00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:48,870 look maybe there's something that we 408 00:24:45,549 --> 00:24:48,869 could do together 409 00:24:49,900 --> 00:25:02,540 together take the best parts of both of 410 00:24:54,349 --> 00:25:04,490 us put him together I'm listening it 411 00:25:02,539 --> 00:25:08,659 would let you to let your feelings out 412 00:25:04,490 --> 00:25:12,799 it would let me analyze so you could man 413 00:25:08,660 --> 00:25:15,410 the themes now man the four it's 414 00:25:12,799 --> 00:25:17,990 something that George Carlin did it's 415 00:25:15,410 --> 00:25:19,940 something that Steve Martin did it's 416 00:25:17,990 --> 00:25:23,720 something special that we could both 417 00:25:19,940 --> 00:25:25,700 perform do you know what it is juggling 418 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:34,940 we could juggle and juggle our tears 419 00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:36,980 away it was comedy we could do comedy 420 00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:37,970 because she atreus in right all right 421 00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:39,470 right brain we're gonna do coffee 422 00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:40,940 together all right all right all right 423 00:25:39,470 --> 00:25:42,680 left brain out do comedy with you what 424 00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:45,640 we can fix them like this we can make a 425 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,640 mess you can I promise 426 00:25:47,990 --> 00:25:51,598 [Music] 427 00:25:52,499 --> 00:25:57,058 experimentation complete thank you very 428 00:25:54,878 --> 00:25:57,058 much 429 00:26:05,859 --> 00:26:13,038 at this point of the show I'd like to 430 00:26:07,759 --> 00:26:25,629 talk about how deep I am a pretty 431 00:26:13,038 --> 00:26:25,629 fucking Dean Dean Dean so deep 432 00:26:28,509 --> 00:26:35,660 but I called this song 433 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:37,159 [Music] 434 00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:44,980 hashtag deep 435 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:44,980 [Music] 436 00:26:48,930 --> 00:26:54,299 have you ever stopped to watch a 437 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:58,639 Bluebird drop from a tree and take to 438 00:26:54,299 --> 00:26:58,639 the air me neither 439 00:27:02,089 --> 00:27:07,759 have you ever took time out to finish a 440 00:27:05,180 --> 00:27:11,890 rhyme but the rival words just weren't 441 00:27:07,759 --> 00:27:11,890 there meat cleaver 442 00:27:15,619 --> 00:27:26,750 the people in my life for like grains of 443 00:27:20,210 --> 00:27:32,590 sand cuz they stick together often near 444 00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:38,089 my bottle if life is an ocean I am a 445 00:27:32,589 --> 00:27:40,369 deep and handsome fish a fish that's 446 00:27:38,089 --> 00:27:43,129 drowning 447 00:27:40,369 --> 00:27:49,369 if the artistic process is the birth 448 00:27:43,130 --> 00:27:52,000 canal then I am a freshly jellied kid 449 00:27:49,369 --> 00:27:54,589 come witness my cry 450 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:56,950 [Music] 451 00:27:54,589 --> 00:27:59,159 these thoughts of mine 452 00:27:56,950 --> 00:28:04,049 and must be a sign that I 453 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:04,050 [Music] 454 00:28:04,619 --> 00:28:11,159 if Jesus can walk on water can he swim 455 00:28:08,679 --> 00:28:11,160 on land 456 00:28:12,140 --> 00:28:18,710 have you ever accidentally peed on the 457 00:28:16,308 --> 00:28:26,629 toilet seat instead of on your 458 00:28:18,710 --> 00:28:29,690 girlfriend's face meaning me neither 459 00:28:26,630 --> 00:28:32,299 have you ever wrote a song note for note 460 00:28:29,690 --> 00:28:39,919 and not a single note was out of place 461 00:28:32,298 --> 00:28:44,619 duh the people in my life are like 462 00:28:39,919 --> 00:28:48,110 blades of grass now cuz they're also 463 00:28:44,619 --> 00:28:52,969 grounded but at least grass stays away 464 00:28:48,109 --> 00:28:58,308 from my bottle heart is a harlot and I 465 00:28:52,970 --> 00:29:01,819 am her sassy urban friend it's why you 466 00:28:58,308 --> 00:29:07,220 being so selfish 467 00:29:01,819 --> 00:29:08,909 if momma is right and the world is my 468 00:29:07,220 --> 00:29:10,490 oyster then 469 00:29:08,910 --> 00:29:13,990 [Music] 470 00:29:10,490 --> 00:29:13,990 I must have an allergy 471 00:29:15,579 --> 00:29:25,649 you don't know how could you 472 00:29:21,829 --> 00:29:28,049 if life makes you wish your 473 00:29:25,650 --> 00:29:31,860 [Music] 474 00:29:28,049 --> 00:29:35,730 and just put on a good movie than a 475 00:29:31,859 --> 00:29:39,049 promptly put a bullet in your head 476 00:29:35,730 --> 00:29:45,039 spend forever 477 00:29:39,049 --> 00:29:49,259 sleep cuz life pales in comparison to 478 00:29:45,039 --> 00:29:49,259 the dream hashtag 479 00:29:59,839 --> 00:30:08,869 thank you 480 00:30:01,809 --> 00:30:43,230 [Applause] 481 00:30:08,869 --> 00:30:46,169 [Music] 482 00:30:43,230 --> 00:31:10,318 [Applause] 483 00:30:46,170 --> 00:31:10,318 [Music] 484 00:31:13,390 --> 00:31:16,439 [Music] 485 00:31:17,559 --> 00:31:25,598 [Applause] 486 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:49,210 [Music] 487 00:31:46,109 --> 00:31:49,209 [Applause] 488 00:31:52,029 --> 00:32:00,579 [Music] 489 00:32:04,679 --> 00:32:09,609 don't you hate it when that happens yeah 490 00:32:07,469 --> 00:32:19,719 thank you that's called beating off an 491 00:32:09,608 --> 00:32:29,708 a-minor yes yes a minor the key not the 492 00:32:19,719 --> 00:32:32,259 felony so I believe I believe there's 493 00:32:29,709 --> 00:32:34,599 nothing more manly one can do then take 494 00:32:32,259 --> 00:32:37,298 a shower to five other guys it's true 495 00:32:34,598 --> 00:32:38,108 it's early caveman cro-magnon wandering 496 00:32:37,298 --> 00:32:40,209 through the fog 497 00:32:38,108 --> 00:32:46,058 you know scrubbing five other sapiens no 498 00:32:40,209 --> 00:32:49,419 homo wish I'd like to do a little uh do 499 00:32:46,058 --> 00:32:52,749 some poems right now if that's okay just 500 00:32:49,419 --> 00:32:55,389 we're in the point of the show these 501 00:32:52,749 --> 00:32:57,098 poems are actually from I'm releasing 502 00:32:55,388 --> 00:32:58,958 this special for free so I'm gonna plug 503 00:32:57,098 --> 00:33:00,278 my poetry book but these are my new 504 00:32:58,959 --> 00:33:01,808 poems for my poetry book called egghead 505 00:33:00,278 --> 00:33:04,628 that will be out by the time this is 506 00:33:01,808 --> 00:33:08,739 airing but not by the time you guys are 507 00:33:04,628 --> 00:33:10,388 seated here right now so it's good 508 00:33:08,739 --> 00:33:12,219 they're pretty serious and it's all just 509 00:33:10,388 --> 00:33:14,138 sort of a tit this is sort of the lull 510 00:33:12,219 --> 00:33:15,879 of the show usually so I'd like to at 511 00:33:14,138 --> 00:33:18,068 this point sort of take the pressure off 512 00:33:15,878 --> 00:33:21,269 the audience and just read some poems 513 00:33:18,068 --> 00:33:24,158 and then we'll go back to the giggles so 514 00:33:21,269 --> 00:33:25,719 this is a poem by a dog roses are gray 515 00:33:24,159 --> 00:33:28,739 violets are a different shade of grey 516 00:33:25,719 --> 00:33:28,739 let's go chase cars 517 00:33:30,619 --> 00:33:38,119 [Applause] 518 00:33:33,869 --> 00:33:41,369 me with my strange choice of adjectives 519 00:33:38,119 --> 00:33:44,359 you with your muscular teeth and 520 00:33:41,369 --> 00:33:44,359 clockwise vagina 521 00:33:44,710 --> 00:34:01,230 [Applause] 522 00:33:49,259 --> 00:34:09,210 I put a chameleon on a red dildo no he 523 00:34:01,230 --> 00:34:11,760 blushed there we go this is the poem 524 00:34:09,210 --> 00:34:15,690 about beauty about self-image and about 525 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:17,040 the ability to transform Martha was ugly 526 00:34:15,690 --> 00:34:18,780 like a shaven baboon 527 00:34:17,039 --> 00:34:21,179 so she wrapped herself up in a curtain 528 00:34:18,780 --> 00:34:22,679 cocoon and after a week she finally 529 00:34:21,179 --> 00:34:35,929 emerged she smelled like shit what a 530 00:34:22,679 --> 00:34:38,960 psycho your incomparable 531 00:34:35,929 --> 00:34:38,960 like a 532 00:34:46,559 --> 00:34:54,329 I want to beat you to death with a blunt 533 00:34:51,418 --> 00:34:55,769 object I want to grab one of those 534 00:34:54,329 --> 00:34:58,559 high-end fashion mannequins by the 535 00:34:55,769 --> 00:35:00,239 ankles and bastard rib cage in I want to 536 00:34:58,559 --> 00:35:01,619 sharpen 50 pencils bind them with the 537 00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:04,649 rubber bands take the Lennon in your 538 00:35:01,619 --> 00:35:06,000 mouth and punch the erasers or to strap 539 00:35:04,650 --> 00:35:07,410 you to a bit of nails then strap that 540 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,579 bit of nails to the hood of my car so I 541 00:35:07,409 --> 00:35:10,289 can watch you suffers we drive over 542 00:35:08,579 --> 00:35:13,079 speed bumps to a mall parking lot during 543 00:35:10,289 --> 00:35:14,489 an earthquake I want you to somehow 544 00:35:13,079 --> 00:35:15,809 survive a terrible car crashed and 545 00:35:14,489 --> 00:35:18,469 somehow not survive a small fender 546 00:35:15,809 --> 00:35:29,009 bender on the way back to the hospital 547 00:35:18,469 --> 00:35:30,779 thank you that's called dad this is a 548 00:35:29,010 --> 00:35:32,220 poem it's really a story that's meant 549 00:35:30,780 --> 00:35:35,870 primarily for children but I think it's 550 00:35:32,219 --> 00:35:35,869 got a lesson we could all learn the 551 00:35:36,710 --> 00:35:42,750 squares lived happily in their square 552 00:35:40,079 --> 00:35:46,289 houses in their square yard in their 553 00:35:42,750 --> 00:35:50,239 square town but then one day a family of 554 00:35:46,289 --> 00:35:50,239 circles moved in from the West 555 00:35:50,269 --> 00:35:59,690 get out of here Roundy's shouted one of 556 00:35:55,380 --> 00:36:03,860 the squares why said one of the circles 557 00:35:59,690 --> 00:36:03,860 because this is a metaphor for racism 558 00:36:04,150 --> 00:36:10,690 [Applause] 559 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:12,579 when I walk into a party you'd think I 560 00:36:10,690 --> 00:36:14,320 was one of those long straight Tetris 561 00:36:12,579 --> 00:36:15,759 pieces cuz everyone's just like oh yeah 562 00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,980 this guy's here finally we've been 563 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:22,510 waiting for him to show up like you wait 564 00:36:17,980 --> 00:36:24,960 in the game forget it I mean no you had 565 00:36:22,510 --> 00:36:24,960 your chance 566 00:36:26,010 --> 00:36:31,180 if I a million dollars I'd pay your 567 00:36:28,900 --> 00:36:32,440 mother to have sex with me afterwards I 568 00:36:31,179 --> 00:36:33,639 probably invest the remaining nine 569 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,320 hundred ninety nine thousand nine 570 00:36:33,639 --> 00:36:39,849 hundred ninety dollars ten dollars for 571 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:41,950 sex with your mother comedy it's I smell 572 00:36:39,849 --> 00:36:51,279 comedy well he was comedy giving off 573 00:36:41,949 --> 00:36:53,230 that scent and finally mid-october with 574 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:56,500 leaves spilled like colored pencil 575 00:36:53,230 --> 00:37:01,630 shavings the streets dicing our town 576 00:36:56,500 --> 00:37:04,199 into neat unfair portions and me eatin 577 00:37:01,630 --> 00:37:16,550 that pussy baby thank you so much 578 00:37:04,199 --> 00:37:18,569 [Applause] 579 00:37:16,550 --> 00:37:21,839 there's things that I don't want to come 580 00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:23,160 across in my show that I worried off and 581 00:37:21,838 --> 00:37:25,139 come across about me because people in 582 00:37:23,159 --> 00:37:26,759 realize but it's an act up here I don't 583 00:37:25,139 --> 00:37:28,230 want you to ever think that I think I'm 584 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:32,250 better than people or that I think I 585 00:37:28,230 --> 00:37:33,630 know better than people anyway okay 586 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:35,869 this is a song from the perspective of 587 00:37:33,630 --> 00:37:35,869 God 588 00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:51,690 the books do you think I wrote her way 589 00:37:49,059 --> 00:37:51,690 too thick 590 00:37:51,699 --> 00:37:58,750 who needs a thousand metaphors to figure 591 00:37:55,719 --> 00:38:01,980 out you shouldn't be a dick and I don't 592 00:37:58,750 --> 00:38:01,980 watch you when you sleep 593 00:38:02,369 --> 00:38:08,889 surprisingly I don't use my omnipotence 594 00:38:05,860 --> 00:38:14,410 to be a fucking creep 595 00:38:08,889 --> 00:38:17,469 you're not going to heaven why the fuck 596 00:38:14,409 --> 00:38:18,608 would you think I'd ever kick it with 597 00:38:17,469 --> 00:38:22,818 you 598 00:38:18,608 --> 00:38:29,528 none of you are going to 599 00:38:22,818 --> 00:38:29,528 there's a trillion aliens cooler than 600 00:38:31,429 --> 00:38:40,288 you shouldn't abstain from rape just 601 00:38:34,469 --> 00:38:42,689 because you think that I want you to you 602 00:38:40,289 --> 00:38:46,230 shouldn'ta rape cuz rape is a fucked up 603 00:38:42,690 --> 00:38:50,400 thing to do pretty obvious just done 604 00:38:46,230 --> 00:38:53,539 fucking rape people do anything mental 605 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,539 write that one down for you 606 00:38:53,980 --> 00:39:00,599 I don't think masturbation is obscene 607 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:06,740 it's absolutely natural and the weirdest 608 00:39:04,340 --> 00:39:10,070 fucking thing I've ever seen 609 00:39:06,739 --> 00:39:14,349 can make my job a living hell 610 00:39:10,070 --> 00:39:18,530 ice and gays to fix overpopulation 611 00:39:14,349 --> 00:39:24,110 pointed patka well you're not 612 00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:26,360 wing to heaven eat a thousand crackers 613 00:39:24,110 --> 00:39:31,490 sing a million hymns 614 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:35,180 none of you are going to heaven 615 00:39:31,489 --> 00:39:36,439 you're not my children you're a bad game 616 00:39:35,179 --> 00:39:39,559 of sim 617 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:42,960 [Music] 618 00:39:39,559 --> 00:39:47,029 you shouldn't abstain from pork just cuz 619 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:47,030 you think that I want you to 620 00:39:48,528 --> 00:39:53,239 you can eat pork because why the fuck 621 00:39:50,728 --> 00:39:53,239 would I give a shit 622 00:39:54,639 --> 00:39:59,400 it created the universe thing I'm 623 00:39:55,929 --> 00:39:59,399 drawing the line the fucking deli aisle 624 00:39:59,780 --> 00:40:11,680 [Music] 625 00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:11,680 you argue and you bicker and you fight 626 00:40:12,130 --> 00:40:19,460 atheists and Catholics Jews and Hindus 627 00:40:15,590 --> 00:40:24,019 argue day and night over what they think 628 00:40:19,460 --> 00:40:26,599 is true but no one entertains the 629 00:40:24,019 --> 00:40:27,670 thought that maybe God does not believe 630 00:40:26,599 --> 00:40:29,539 in here 631 00:40:27,670 --> 00:40:32,059 you prese 632 00:40:29,539 --> 00:40:36,150 leave her 633 00:40:32,059 --> 00:40:36,750 knowing any day might be the day that 634 00:40:36,150 --> 00:40:41,610 you die 635 00:40:36,750 --> 00:40:45,210 but maybe life on earth could be heaven 636 00:40:41,610 --> 00:40:48,410 doesn't just the thought of it make it 637 00:40:45,210 --> 00:40:48,409 worth a try 638 00:40:50,250 --> 00:40:57,500 my love the type of thing that you have 639 00:40:54,329 --> 00:41:01,219 to earn and when you were 640 00:40:57,500 --> 00:41:03,019 you won't need it home I love the type 641 00:41:01,219 --> 00:41:06,399 of thing 642 00:41:03,019 --> 00:41:11,539 you have to earn and when you earn it 643 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:16,358 you all meet and not gonna give you love 644 00:41:11,539 --> 00:41:16,358 just because I know that you want me to 645 00:41:17,949 --> 00:41:21,759 if you want love and the lovers gotta 646 00:41:20,510 --> 00:41:30,840 come from you 647 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:33,460 [Music] 648 00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:38,849 [Applause] 649 00:41:33,460 --> 00:41:38,849 [Music] 650 00:41:39,980 --> 00:41:55,639 tell me about it women are stupid yeah 651 00:41:51,409 --> 00:41:57,739 fucking said it the weaker Dumber sex I 652 00:41:55,639 --> 00:42:00,109 could prove it to you I'd like to 653 00:41:57,739 --> 00:42:02,659 practice safe sex why cuz I'm a guy and 654 00:42:00,110 --> 00:42:04,519 I'm smarter what do women say every time 655 00:42:02,659 --> 00:42:06,679 every time I put on a condom what do 656 00:42:04,519 --> 00:42:08,360 they say why are you wearing a condom if 657 00:42:06,679 --> 00:42:11,329 I'm fucking you with a strap-on to be 658 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:21,019 safe bitch women right they're the dumb 659 00:42:11,329 --> 00:42:24,139 one it's time for a story let's do a 660 00:42:21,019 --> 00:42:26,530 story it's time for a story it's time 661 00:42:24,139 --> 00:42:29,869 for a story a very special story 662 00:42:26,530 --> 00:42:32,810 especially for you it's time for a story 663 00:42:29,869 --> 00:42:35,480 it's time for a story sit down and 664 00:42:32,809 --> 00:42:37,219 listen now don't be a Jew a story is 665 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:41,900 called an D that's a glitch you can be 666 00:42:37,219 --> 00:42:43,909 Jewish this story this story is called 667 00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:46,610 an D the Frog featuring long and 668 00:42:43,909 --> 00:42:48,319 convoluted similes and I warn you when 669 00:42:46,610 --> 00:42:51,470 one of those long convoluted similes 670 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:53,710 rears its old head so here we go once 671 00:42:51,469 --> 00:42:56,149 upon a time there was a frog named Andy 672 00:42:53,710 --> 00:42:57,740 Andy lived at the Patton Park pond it 673 00:42:56,150 --> 00:43:00,019 had never hopped anywhere else in his 674 00:42:57,739 --> 00:43:02,209 entire frog life he had three best 675 00:43:00,019 --> 00:43:06,590 friends Millie who never left her lily 676 00:43:02,210 --> 00:43:08,809 pad Billy who was always hopping mad and 677 00:43:06,590 --> 00:43:14,000 Roger who's arrested for possession of 678 00:43:08,809 --> 00:43:15,289 tadpole porn so one day one day and he 679 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,579 saw something hop across the grass on 680 00:43:15,289 --> 00:43:19,610 the other side of the pond Millie 681 00:43:16,579 --> 00:43:21,829 Billy Roger looks at Andy across the 682 00:43:19,610 --> 00:43:24,769 pond stood the most beautiful frog Andy 683 00:43:21,829 --> 00:43:27,949 had ever seen she's gorgeous said Millie 684 00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:31,599 she's beautiful said Billy bit old for 685 00:43:27,949 --> 00:43:34,339 my taste at Roger classic Roger 686 00:43:31,599 --> 00:43:36,049 and then she was gone I need to go find 687 00:43:34,340 --> 00:43:37,610 her sedan D I need to follow my little 688 00:43:36,050 --> 00:43:38,930 frog hard so and II followed the 689 00:43:37,610 --> 00:43:41,570 beautiful frogs footsteps into the 690 00:43:38,929 --> 00:43:44,539 forest he then came across a turtle you 691 00:43:41,570 --> 00:43:46,940 can't pass said the turtle please said 692 00:43:44,539 --> 00:43:49,400 Andi no said the turtle and this is the 693 00:43:46,940 --> 00:43:51,650 first long convoluted simile then there 694 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,180 was a rustling in the bushes and like a 695 00:43:51,650 --> 00:43:55,250 man who had been shot in the chest with 696 00:43:53,179 --> 00:44:02,449 a rifle the turtle was shot in the chest 697 00:43:55,250 --> 00:44:04,429 with a rifle and he kept moving but at 698 00:44:02,449 --> 00:44:07,849 this point like the doctor of the canyon 699 00:44:04,429 --> 00:44:12,379 track team his patience ran thin and he 700 00:44:07,849 --> 00:44:14,150 kept moving he then came across a giant 701 00:44:12,380 --> 00:44:16,160 crocodile in the crocodile began to 702 00:44:14,150 --> 00:44:18,410 chant I woke up this morning and I sat 703 00:44:16,159 --> 00:44:21,589 on a log I opened up the menu the menu 704 00:44:18,409 --> 00:44:22,879 said frog and he said no no please take 705 00:44:21,590 --> 00:44:24,289 off me I can feel myself dying you're 706 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,849 ripping out my insides I'm never gonna 707 00:44:24,289 --> 00:44:29,420 find your mi there's no God is there 708 00:44:25,849 --> 00:44:30,579 fuck the end the end so the end of that 709 00:44:29,420 --> 00:44:33,710 story 710 00:44:30,579 --> 00:44:33,710 [Music] 711 00:44:39,489 --> 00:44:43,818 yeah if you're curious the moral of that 712 00:44:41,838 --> 00:44:50,630 story it's irrelevant because we're 713 00:44:43,818 --> 00:44:52,369 humans why would it apply to us you know 714 00:44:50,630 --> 00:44:54,048 my father is so hard to get along with 715 00:44:52,369 --> 00:44:55,849 because he's such a man's man you know 716 00:44:54,048 --> 00:44:58,219 he believes like for example you should 717 00:44:55,849 --> 00:44:59,180 always fight fire with fire which is a 718 00:44:58,219 --> 00:45:00,768 horrible way to live your life 719 00:44:59,179 --> 00:45:04,399 especially for him because he's a 720 00:45:00,768 --> 00:45:06,500 firefighter so he was fired 721 00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:09,410 that was as stupid as we get but let's 722 00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:11,329 get a little stupid or huh there's a 723 00:45:09,409 --> 00:45:15,828 creepy old man fishing in the park and 724 00:45:11,329 --> 00:45:20,568 the only problem is he's trying to catch 725 00:45:15,829 --> 00:45:28,160 a kid you know that stuff trying to get 726 00:45:20,568 --> 00:45:30,048 a little more mainstream people complain 727 00:45:28,159 --> 00:45:32,028 about the way I act onstage very often 728 00:45:30,048 --> 00:45:36,409 you know they say like I repeat jokes or 729 00:45:32,028 --> 00:45:38,028 they also say that they say they don't 730 00:45:36,409 --> 00:45:40,308 get again that this is an act on stage 731 00:45:38,028 --> 00:45:42,559 they think on stage I act - arrogant - 732 00:45:40,309 --> 00:45:45,680 self-obsessed solipsistic self-contained 733 00:45:42,559 --> 00:45:47,269 synonyms and they want me to be they 734 00:45:45,679 --> 00:45:48,889 want me to be a comic of the people you 735 00:45:47,268 --> 00:45:51,828 know relate to the people with the 736 00:45:48,889 --> 00:45:53,239 overarching glue of comedy so I went to 737 00:45:51,829 --> 00:45:54,859 a little bit of a relatable comedy for 738 00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:55,848 you guys I'm like you guys you know once 739 00:45:54,858 --> 00:45:57,288 a week and like to slip into a deep 740 00:45:55,849 --> 00:45:59,750 existential depression or I lose all my 741 00:45:57,289 --> 00:46:01,009 sense of oneness and self-worth and what 742 00:45:59,750 --> 00:46:02,869 I like to do in order to assure myself 743 00:46:01,009 --> 00:46:04,730 that I am unique I'm not just one of 744 00:46:02,869 --> 00:46:06,798 many small white indistinguishable 745 00:46:04,730 --> 00:46:09,349 perfectly cylindrical pieces and Jesus 746 00:46:06,798 --> 00:46:12,079 and Satan's backgammon game is I will 747 00:46:09,349 --> 00:46:14,568 I'll say a group of words that I think 748 00:46:12,079 --> 00:46:17,240 no one has ever said in that order so 749 00:46:14,568 --> 00:46:18,858 that when I say it I feel like look at 750 00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:20,719 me participating in this new moment that 751 00:46:18,858 --> 00:46:22,880 no one's ever been a part of so I'll say 752 00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:25,098 something random like like peanut butter 753 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:27,640 tribalism or I'm your father and I loved 754 00:46:25,099 --> 00:46:27,640 your comedy show 755 00:46:31,750 --> 00:46:36,050 or at first I wasn't comfortable leaving 756 00:46:34,489 --> 00:46:37,759 him alone with my children but then I 757 00:46:36,050 --> 00:46:41,539 saw his mustache phew 758 00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:47,660 or uh or you go check out this Amish 759 00:46:41,539 --> 00:46:49,820 website or or I work at a tollbooth and 760 00:46:47,659 --> 00:46:55,489 I don't want to kill myself or that's 761 00:46:49,820 --> 00:46:57,740 too too real yo man my life's about 762 00:46:55,489 --> 00:46:59,869 three things Man three things getting 763 00:46:57,739 --> 00:47:02,609 money getting pussy and the Dewey 764 00:46:59,869 --> 00:47:05,719 Decimal System or 765 00:47:02,610 --> 00:47:05,719 [Applause] 766 00:47:07,380 --> 00:47:12,990 or hey can you hold my fanny pack 767 00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:12,990 I'm gonna go fuck a woman 768 00:47:13,090 --> 00:47:21,439 [Applause] 769 00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:29,110 um if I could break I I want to thank 770 00:47:27,099 --> 00:47:31,029 you all for being here because I mean it 771 00:47:29,110 --> 00:47:32,920 I'm so grateful that you'd all come here 772 00:47:31,030 --> 00:47:34,660 and spend an hour of your time with me 773 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,700 and if you're watching it home or 774 00:47:34,659 --> 00:47:37,899 whatever on a computer or something if 775 00:47:36,699 --> 00:47:39,489 you've made it this far thank you very 776 00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:41,950 much for watching genuinely I there's my 777 00:47:39,489 --> 00:47:44,889 favorite thing to do and I'm so grateful 778 00:47:41,949 --> 00:47:47,589 for people watching it and enjoying it 779 00:47:44,889 --> 00:47:52,960 okay I will now receive back into my 780 00:47:47,590 --> 00:47:55,350 stage persona just blacked out for 20 781 00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,349 seconds 782 00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,259 thank you for coming 783 00:47:59,349 --> 00:48:06,079 love songs used to be so beautiful you 784 00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:07,548 know let us go then you and I when the 785 00:48:06,079 --> 00:48:09,740 evening is spread out against the sky 786 00:48:07,548 --> 00:48:13,159 like a patient etherized upon a table TS 787 00:48:09,739 --> 00:48:14,328 Eliot beautiful love songs nowadays just 788 00:48:13,159 --> 00:48:19,029 as beautiful guys 789 00:48:14,329 --> 00:48:20,560 uh sure Justin Bieber 1d you know them 790 00:48:19,030 --> 00:48:22,090 but these new artists they've done 791 00:48:20,559 --> 00:48:23,529 something very strange to the format of 792 00:48:22,090 --> 00:48:26,620 the love song they've changed it a bit 793 00:48:23,530 --> 00:48:28,930 I tried to capture how they've changed 794 00:48:26,619 --> 00:48:30,969 the format of the love song with this 795 00:48:28,929 --> 00:48:31,669 love song I hope you enjoy it and Mark 796 00:48:30,969 --> 00:48:37,429 the differences 797 00:48:31,670 --> 00:48:39,139 [Music] 798 00:48:37,429 --> 00:48:39,699 Jason Derulo 799 00:48:39,139 --> 00:48:40,589 [Music] 800 00:48:39,699 --> 00:48:41,519 [Applause] 801 00:48:40,590 --> 00:48:42,390 [Music] 802 00:48:41,519 --> 00:48:45,630 [Applause] 803 00:48:42,389 --> 00:48:49,049 [Music] 804 00:48:45,630 --> 00:48:50,970 I love your hair I love your name I love 805 00:48:49,050 --> 00:48:52,830 the way you say it I love your heart and 806 00:48:50,969 --> 00:48:54,480 you're so smart cuz you gave away it I 807 00:48:52,829 --> 00:48:56,279 love your sis I love your dad I love 808 00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:57,949 your mum but more than all of that I 809 00:48:56,280 --> 00:49:01,560 love the fact that you are dumb enough 810 00:48:57,949 --> 00:49:04,289 to not realize that everything I've said 811 00:49:01,559 --> 00:49:07,019 has been said before in a thousand ways 812 00:49:04,289 --> 00:49:09,329 and a thousand songs some with the same 813 00:49:07,019 --> 00:49:14,489 four chords but you'll still love it and 814 00:49:09,329 --> 00:49:17,069 let me finger you oh girl I hope you 815 00:49:14,489 --> 00:49:19,739 don't think that I'm rude when I tell 816 00:49:17,070 --> 00:49:22,769 you that I love you boo I also hope that 817 00:49:19,739 --> 00:49:26,039 you don't see through this cleverly 818 00:49:22,769 --> 00:49:28,619 constructed ruse to sign by a marketing 819 00:49:26,039 --> 00:49:31,289 team cashing in on puberty and low 820 00:49:28,619 --> 00:49:37,440 self-esteem and girls desperate need to 821 00:49:31,289 --> 00:49:40,380 feel loved America says we love a chorus 822 00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:42,869 but don't get complicated for us though 823 00:49:40,380 --> 00:49:44,849 meaning might be missing we need to know 824 00:49:42,869 --> 00:49:47,339 the words after just one listen so 825 00:49:44,849 --> 00:49:49,980 repeat stuff repeat that repeat that 826 00:49:47,340 --> 00:49:52,559 repeat that repeat that repeat that 827 00:49:49,980 --> 00:49:55,039 repeat that repeat that repeat that 828 00:49:52,559 --> 00:49:58,380 repeat that yeah oh you know it 829 00:49:55,039 --> 00:49:58,380 [Music] 830 00:49:58,940 --> 00:50:03,108 I love my baby and you know I couldn't 831 00:50:01,309 --> 00:50:04,819 live without her but now I need to make 832 00:50:03,108 --> 00:50:06,409 every girl think the songs about her 833 00:50:04,818 --> 00:50:08,568 just to make sure that they spread it 834 00:50:06,409 --> 00:50:10,969 like the plague so I described my dream 835 00:50:08,568 --> 00:50:12,529 girl is really really vague like I love 836 00:50:10,969 --> 00:50:14,538 your hands cuz your fingerprints are 837 00:50:12,530 --> 00:50:16,579 like no other I love your eyes and their 838 00:50:14,539 --> 00:50:18,650 bluish brownish greenish color I love it 839 00:50:16,579 --> 00:50:20,630 when you smile that you style wide and I 840 00:50:18,650 --> 00:50:23,869 love how your torso as an arm on either 841 00:50:20,630 --> 00:50:27,559 side now if you're my agent you might be 842 00:50:23,869 --> 00:50:30,318 thinking oh no sound the alarms you're 843 00:50:27,559 --> 00:50:33,769 not appealing to little girls who don't 844 00:50:30,318 --> 00:50:37,789 have arms but they can use iTunes so 845 00:50:33,769 --> 00:50:45,710 welcome who needs ah oh girl like oh 846 00:50:37,789 --> 00:50:48,619 hello Satan Satan you taste again repeat 847 00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:52,269 stop repeat stuff repeat stuff for pizza 848 00:50:48,619 --> 00:50:52,269 repeat stuff everybody 849 00:50:53,309 --> 00:50:57,469 come on louder I can't hear you 850 00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:12,848 [Applause] 851 00:51:04,929 --> 00:51:12,848 [Music] 852 00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:25,079 young ones listen up I'm in magazines 853 00:51:17,010 --> 00:51:25,080 full of model teens so far above you 854 00:51:26,099 --> 00:51:32,559 so read them and hate yourself then pay 855 00:51:31,630 --> 00:51:37,500 me to tell you I 856 00:51:32,559 --> 00:51:43,230 [Music] 857 00:51:37,500 --> 00:51:43,230 and your parents will always come along 858 00:51:43,588 --> 00:51:49,279 because their little girl is in love 859 00:51:47,420 --> 00:51:52,398 and how could love be 860 00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:52,399 [Music] 861 00:51:52,869 --> 00:51:56,249 how could love beer 862 00:51:58,119 --> 00:52:03,929 and when you repeat that repeat that 863 00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,930 four dates to have repeat that 864 00:52:07,210 --> 00:52:10,550 [Music] 865 00:52:10,969 --> 00:52:16,699 we know it's not funny but we'll stop 866 00:52:14,059 --> 00:52:21,969 eating this dead horse when it stop 867 00:52:16,699 --> 00:52:23,769 spitting out money but in Selma 868 00:52:21,969 --> 00:52:23,980 and we will repeat stuff 869 00:52:23,769 --> 00:52:27,730 [Applause] 870 00:52:23,980 --> 00:52:27,730 [Music] 871 00:52:40,409 --> 00:52:45,389 thank you so much you guys have been um 872 00:52:42,550 --> 00:52:48,369 you guys have been absolutely amazing 873 00:52:45,389 --> 00:52:49,449 you've been absolutely amazing up that's 874 00:52:48,369 --> 00:52:51,820 the end of the show I probably should 875 00:52:49,449 --> 00:52:53,710 have ended it on a sort of higher note 876 00:52:51,820 --> 00:52:57,190 there but yeah that's the end of what I 877 00:52:53,710 --> 00:52:58,570 hope you liked it bye oh my god how are 878 00:52:57,190 --> 00:53:01,750 you I haven't seen you since like 879 00:52:58,570 --> 00:53:04,840 freshman year oh my god you're still 880 00:53:01,750 --> 00:53:09,340 like skinny and weird back then but now 881 00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:10,570 you're anyway you should totally come to 882 00:53:09,340 --> 00:53:12,850 this party I'm having tonight with a 883 00:53:10,570 --> 00:53:15,640 bunch of my college friends it's gonna 884 00:53:12,849 --> 00:53:18,159 be off the chain hook it's gonna be so 885 00:53:15,639 --> 00:53:18,639 good you can play some songs for us or 886 00:53:18,159 --> 00:53:21,039 something 887 00:53:18,639 --> 00:53:24,849 I've been telling everybody how good of 888 00:53:21,039 --> 00:53:28,179 friends we were back in the day I know 889 00:53:24,849 --> 00:53:29,769 we never talked or hung out ever but I 890 00:53:28,179 --> 00:53:32,919 think that's what made our friendships 891 00:53:29,769 --> 00:53:37,259 so special you know anyway text me okay 892 00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:40,539 bye mr. Birnam how you doing good good 893 00:53:37,260 --> 00:53:43,030 I'm a I'm an agent from out Los Angeles 894 00:53:40,539 --> 00:53:45,608 really dig your stuff man it's it's out 895 00:53:43,030 --> 00:53:46,810 there you know I totally get it and the 896 00:53:45,608 --> 00:53:49,299 best part about it man you got all these 897 00:53:46,809 --> 00:53:51,130 young fans and which is great because 898 00:53:49,300 --> 00:53:54,640 young people they're very passionate 899 00:53:51,130 --> 00:53:56,289 they're very very reliable consumers but 900 00:53:54,639 --> 00:53:57,940 what you got to do in order to take your 901 00:53:56,289 --> 00:53:59,710 career to the next level got a cater 902 00:53:57,940 --> 00:54:01,659 more heavily to them all right we've 903 00:53:59,710 --> 00:54:04,449 done studies young people do not respond 904 00:54:01,659 --> 00:54:06,608 to this you know introspective material 905 00:54:04,449 --> 00:54:08,949 or these challenges to the form you know 906 00:54:06,608 --> 00:54:12,039 young people want jokes they can relate 907 00:54:08,949 --> 00:54:14,439 to okay so write a write a silly song 908 00:54:12,039 --> 00:54:16,599 about Facebook you know write some write 909 00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:20,470 some jokes about our Twitter er or 910 00:54:16,599 --> 00:54:22,179 sugary cereals or razor scooters relate 911 00:54:20,469 --> 00:54:23,319 to them you know also you got to 912 00:54:22,179 --> 00:54:24,489 re-establish your presence on the 913 00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:26,200 Internet buddy all right it's not 914 00:54:24,489 --> 00:54:27,909 important whether the material is good 915 00:54:26,199 --> 00:54:30,399 or not what's important is that you keep 916 00:54:27,909 --> 00:54:32,349 the bo burnham brand alive and well 917 00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:34,630 you get it cool we'll discuss more later 918 00:54:32,349 --> 00:54:41,259 I know it's a lot my number is three one 919 00:54:34,630 --> 00:54:43,269 oh five five five management fag what up 920 00:54:41,260 --> 00:54:46,930 - what's up how are you man 921 00:54:43,269 --> 00:54:49,570 you've changed bro you've changed I 922 00:54:46,929 --> 00:54:50,919 never knew you but my friends old 923 00:54:49,570 --> 00:54:52,080 roommates friend said he knew you in 924 00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:54,150 high school and you became a 925 00:54:52,079 --> 00:54:55,860 asshole what's all this comedy stuff 926 00:54:54,150 --> 00:54:57,570 started happening what is it man you 927 00:54:55,860 --> 00:54:59,550 think you're better than us think you're 928 00:54:57,570 --> 00:55:02,940 better than us just cuz you're tall well 929 00:54:59,550 --> 00:55:05,190 congrats man you're tall wow it's 930 00:55:02,940 --> 00:55:06,000 incredible what you want a trophy for 931 00:55:05,190 --> 00:55:07,889 being tall 932 00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,900 you wanna we should just give trophies 933 00:55:07,889 --> 00:55:12,480 to tall things and every tree and 934 00:55:09,900 --> 00:55:14,090 building will have a trophy that makes 935 00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:16,230 sense 936 00:55:14,090 --> 00:55:17,210 yeah why are you actually not quiet 937 00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:19,590 weird right now 938 00:55:17,210 --> 00:55:21,690 yo I know why you are it's cuz you're an 939 00:55:19,590 --> 00:55:24,360 arrogant prick that's why an arrogant 940 00:55:21,690 --> 00:55:26,460 fucking prick I once heard that you 941 00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:28,079 actually act quiet because you're shy 942 00:55:26,460 --> 00:55:29,460 and introverted in real life and that 943 00:55:28,079 --> 00:55:31,759 people shouldn't expect you to act the 944 00:55:29,460 --> 00:55:36,150 same way off stage as you do on stage 945 00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:42,120 yeah yeah it makes no sense anyway you 946 00:55:36,150 --> 00:55:49,400 want to buy some weed Wow oh my god Wow 947 00:55:42,119 --> 00:55:54,089 oh my god bow-bow 948 00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:57,300 bow-bow bow-bow bow-bow bow oh my god 949 00:55:54,090 --> 00:56:01,559 mr. Birnam bow bow 950 00:55:57,300 --> 00:56:07,670 oh my god mr. Birnam bow bow oh my god 951 00:56:01,559 --> 00:56:12,360 mr. Birnam bow oh my god mr. Birnam oh 952 00:56:07,670 --> 00:56:12,869 my god mr. pear mr. mr. Begg Wow oh my 953 00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:22,230 god 954 00:56:12,869 --> 00:56:27,920 mr. Bourg mr. mr. Bergmann faggot faggot 955 00:56:22,230 --> 00:56:27,920 faggot faggot faggot faggot 956 00:56:33,099 --> 00:56:36,529 [Applause] 957 00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:50,390 okay okay 958 00:56:46,550 --> 00:56:54,769 what the hell oh hey oh hey you're not 959 00:56:50,389 --> 00:56:56,989 gonna hit the girl that's sexist mr. 960 00:56:54,769 --> 00:56:59,840 Baba we think you've changed bro you 961 00:56:56,989 --> 00:57:03,049 know best you thought we think you've 962 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:04,309 changed brother know best you thought we 963 00:57:03,050 --> 00:57:07,490 think we know you 964 00:57:04,309 --> 00:57:10,909 we think we know you we think we know 965 00:57:07,489 --> 00:57:14,389 you we think we know you we think we 966 00:57:10,909 --> 00:57:17,809 know you we think we know you we think 967 00:57:14,389 --> 00:57:20,690 we know you we think we know you we 968 00:57:17,809 --> 00:57:24,250 think we know you we think we know you 969 00:57:20,690 --> 00:57:24,250 we think we know 970 00:57:24,809 --> 00:57:32,090 we think we know yeah we think we know 971 00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:45,889 we know we know 972 00:57:32,090 --> 00:57:45,890 [Music] 973 00:57:50,400 --> 00:58:06,969 [Music] 974 00:58:07,159 --> 00:58:11,349 mister mister mister mister 975 00:58:13,650 --> 00:58:23,700 oh my god 976 00:58:15,570 --> 00:58:24,930 [Music] 977 00:58:23,699 --> 00:58:39,208 [Applause] 978 00:58:24,929 --> 00:58:39,208 [Music] 979 00:58:43,510 --> 00:59:08,700 [Applause] 980 00:58:44,920 --> 00:59:13,829 [Music] 981 00:59:08,699 --> 00:59:15,149 mr. Burnham so you go to school in the 982 00:59:13,829 --> 00:59:24,119 fall 983 00:59:15,150 --> 00:59:28,160 you're to school this year Yeah right 984 00:59:24,119 --> 00:59:47,818 who's your teacher gonna be Thank You 985 00:59:28,159 --> 00:59:50,808 missus this is going to be what do you 986 00:59:47,818 --> 00:59:50,808 think you're gonna do at school 987 00:59:56,650 --> 00:59:59,729 [Music] 988 01:00:05,630 --> 01:00:11,450 ya know you're gonna eat some snacks but 989 01:00:08,250 --> 01:00:11,449 what else you gonna do there 103535

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