All language subtitles for Hochmat HaBeygale (Ilan Heitner, 2002).english

Is my nose red?

A little.

I'm sorry, sweetie.

I can't manage to say
one sentence without crying.

I love you.

What am I supposed
to say to her?

For 7 years she's been
living in New York,

for 7 years he's been telling me
that she's the one for me,

that we'd be
the perfect couple.

Why does he want to set me up
to fuck his sister?

The chances that something serious
would develop between me

and Guy's sister
are close to zero.

You're a wuss.

I bet your sister's a wuss too.

But Guya wouldn't give up

and while scraping the crud
from his girlfriend's feet,

he managed to trap us
both at home.

So I arranged to meet her that
weekend, just to get him off my back.

I was looking for loads
of stuff at that time.

An apartment,

a job,

but more than anything, I was
looking for "the one and only".

But there was a slight problem.

Every girl I didn't know
seemed really cool,

but once I got to know her,
she didn't seem so cool anymore.

Bye.
- Bye.

Do I lose interest because
they spread their legs too fast?

It drove my grandpa crazy.

He didn't understand
what the problem was.

There are so many girls
in the world,

all you need is one.

That's precisely the problem,
Grandpa. There are so many.

Only one?

My dad told me that the secret
to life is combining things.

So here's my combination.

I'd take the love of life
from the girl I met up north,

and plant it in the babe who
spread her legs at the gym.

I'd give her the brains of the girl
who beat me in chess,

add the adoration
of my ex-girlfriend...

I'm crazy about you,
you're my hero!

And top it off with the loyalty of
that West Bank settler I saw on TV.

I ask for too much, eh?

Meet my friends, so you'll see what
it looks like when you stop dreaming.

You already met
my best friend, Guya.

After serving in an elite combat
unit, he chose a spiritual life,

which means annoying everyone
around him with his serenity.

He had a bummer of a relationship,
as if he'd been married 20 years,

but a nice job that enabled him to
receive emails of pastoral pictures

and forward them onto
the next faggot on the list.

You guessed it - Guya was
a high-tech project manager.

Here's another clown who's
trying to fit into society.

Yos.

A successful lawyer, married
to an uptight French woman

who worked at
the Tel Aviv Museum.

Like in every bunch, there's
always a successful loser.

Yosef!

He was sure everyone
had already gone home.

But his boss wasn't the only one
who surprised him that day.

I don't care if you
jerk off on the Internet,

but when you fuck me,
think only about me.

Get it?

He even became a partner
at the law office.

And then there's Batzal.
He's my consolation.

But he's such
a screwed-up loafer,

that his laziness
isn't very encouraging.

Of course, he thinks
he's a genius filmmaker.

In his last project, he installed
a camera behind an elevator mirror,

to explore human behavior
where it is most natural,

where no one can see it.

Except for Batzal.

Here's a cute couple.

Even though he enjoyed exploring
relationships more than anything,

Batzal himself still had
a long way to go.

Batzal-professional loafer

I'm meeting Guya's sister
in half an hour.

I'm meeting your sister at 7.

When you're on a blind date, more
than wanting to charm your date,

you don't want to disappoint
the person who set you up.

So like a good boy, I shaved,
put on a white shirt,

and arrived relatively on time.

Where is she?

Excuse me, what time is it?

7:15. - Thanks.

I hope that's not her.
I'll mutilate him if that's her.

Would falling in love

with an ugly girl mean I'm mature?

People always kiss passionately
at the beginning of a relationship.

A few months later all they do

is try to avoid it.

What's with her?

20 minutes late,
she must be a babe.

No way she's a babe,
I bet she's a real nerd...

Dikla.
- Hi. I'm Golan.

You scared me.
- Nice to meet you.

Where to?

Drive to Lilinblum Street.

I'm parked over here.

God, am I lucky or what?

The bar is right here.

No way
I'm parking on the sidewalk here,

that's a 360-shekel fine for sure.

So, 7 years in New York?

Yeah, 7 years.

With or without
the Twin Towers.

Great city.
- The greatest.

C'mon!

Is it hard coming back?

No, it's cool.

Are you vacating this space?

What did you say? It's cool?

What stupid stuff I'm saying.

Shut up, you wuss,
and where's the parking space?

God, give me a parking space!

Fuck it.

It's a 360-shekel fine here
for sure.

It's OK, the parking inspectors

don't work this late.

What a great song.
I love this song.

The best songs always come on
once you've parked.

C'mon.

WISDOM OF THE PRETZEL

C'mon, let's go.

So you live with
Guy and Galit?

Galit lives with me
and Guy, yeah.

Oh, good, they left
their lighter. - Yeah.

Thanks.

How do you get along with her?

Fine.
- Really?

Yeah, great.
- Yeah? -Yeah.

Do you know her?

Yeah, they visited me in NY

and that pest wouldn't stop
picking her feet on my sofa...

I can't believe
she did that to you too.

It drives me crazy,

how does he get along with her?

How do you get along with her?
- I don't, I can't stand her.

Really? -As you can see,
I stick to what I say.

Another drink?
- I'll finish this one first.

Every time I visit my grandma,

I pass through
the real pathetic unit,

you know,
the ones with the catheters,

who sit in their wheelchairs
in the hallway, half-dead.

Like this.

I know this may sound sick,
but it really perks me up.

It puts things into proportion.

Go out, have fun, because
the only thing you have at that age

are the memories of all the crazy
stuff you did when you were young.

That reminds me of a crazy story.
- What?

One day I went with my ex
to visit his grandma.

You know, for the inheritance.

She was in one of
those gross old-age homes,

she could hardly see or hear.
We walk into the place,

and everything was dead.

I look to the right-death.
To the left-death.

Everything was death, death, death.

I felt like I had to get laid
right then and there.

So I said to my boyfriend:
Ron, sweetie, listen,

you're gonna fuck me like you've
never fucked anyone before.

Ron knows how to do the job,
or rather knew how to do the job,

and with all that death around,
we created life.

What were you saying
about your grandpa?

How come guys with
big motorcycles are always...

Bald and short.
- Short and bald.

They want power, attention.

Everyone wants attention.
- Everyone.

Check her out.

I bet she took piano lessons
and was a devout Girl Scout,

that's how she got noticed.

See that fatso?

He got laughed at
his entire life.

He decided to laugh at himself
and developed a sense of humor.

What do you think about that girl
coming down the stairs?

All she ever had to do was
take her beaver out of the house,

that's all. Take it out for
a walk, and everyone wanted her.

No one else in the world
has a neck like this.

You smell so good.

It's been a long time.

Hey, hey, what is this?
What are you doing?

What are you, my father?
- No,

I'm your brother's
best friend, you bitch!

Jack Daniels.

Double.

You remember.
- Everything.

Can I have one?

Son of a bitch!

Did you miss me?

Check, please.

Thanks.

I'm outta here.
Are you coming?

I think I'll stay.

OK, cool, great.

We'll talk.

Bye, it was nice.

Bye. - Bye.
- Thanks, I had fun.

That fucking bitch!

And that motherfucker,
son of a bitch!

That damn faggot,
what kind of sister is that?

Did I say something wrong?
Even so, that's no way to act!

She's a professional ho!

She's worse than a street ho,
for fuck's sake!

What was that?

Are you gonna make a big deal
out of it? C'mon.

You're never going
to talk to me ever again?

I'll keep you for a month,
then dump you.

"I'll keep you for a month,
then dump you"? I'll show her.

What nerve.

The problem was that
it turned me on,

and when something turns me on,
I start losing it.

What's up? It's Golan.

How are you? It's Golan.

Eventually, after another
depressing meeting with my dad...

You're getting your degree in less
than a month, when will you decide?

I realized I had to find a job.

What are your drawbacks?

It's your job to find out,
that's why you're here.

You ask a guy about his drawbacks
and expect to get the truth?

When that didn't work,
I couldn't stoop any lower.

And when I have nothing
to lose, I'm at my best.

Hi Dikla, it's a nice day,
I thought we'd go visit my grandma

and puts things into
proportion and stuff.

What do you say?
- This isn't Dikla,

she's busy now,
call back later.

OK.

I promise,
I won't give it to anyone,

I'll go straight to the Xerox machine,
photocopy it and bring it back.

I don't give my notes
to anyone.

I won't give it to anyone or even
tell anyone you gave it to me, OK?

What do you say?

OK, but I want it back
in 10 minutes,

and don't give it
to anyone else.

No one, I swear.

And no coffee stains
or earwax or anything.

Yuck.

I'm clean.

Thanks.
You won't regret it.

Hey man, you got the notes.

Yeah, but she'll kill me if
she sees me giving it to you.

Don't worry, I'll photocopy it
and bring it back.

Hey, man.

You said today was "Babe Day".

It's supposed to be.
Hasn't anything passed by?

Nothing.

Seriously? Wait till
the 2 o'clock break.

Dude, I'm in the middle of work.

What work?
I thought this was your work.

Where's the Philosophy Dept.?

I heard all the babes are there.
Why did you bring me to Economics?

Next thing you'll be
taking me to Computers.

I've gotta call that bitch.

You're actually gonna call her?
After what she did to you?

Thanks so much.
- 10 minutes, my ass!

C'mon, she didn't mean any harm.

And don't forget,
she's Guy's sister.

I won't call her, you're right,
I'm no sucker. - You're no sucker.

Let's go to Philosophy.

Dude, look at that pile of shit.

Pile of shit?

You don't know
why you're such a jerk.

In philosophy class, I learned that
the boundaries of your language

are the boundaries of your world.

Yeah, man, your language
is your world.

You'll never have
a serious relationship

if you keep relating to them like that.
- What are you talking about?

She's a ho,
cut the crap.

She's just insecure,
trying to get noticed.

A guy goes to work,
sees something like that,

and is distracted
for the whole day.

You take Economics, you should know
that it distracts the entire economy.

Religion makes sense,
you dress them properly,

and go to work
in peace and quiet.

Must be something
in their education.

Thanks, man.

Aren't you coming to the beach?
- No,

I have to study like crazy
for my final exam.

Hello? Hello?

Hey, how's it going?

No way.
- No, I'm totally free.

Yeah, cool. I'll be at
your place in half an hour.

OK, bye.

Dude! Dude!

Can I go like this?
- Yeah, but dude...

Have fun at the beach, man.
- Bye.

It won't work.

It's very problematic.

Hold on one minute.

Yes? -Yosef, you have
a call on the other line.

I'm busy now, Aviva.

Veksler, listen,
we're missing a few details

and the trial starts on Tuesday.
So if I don't... Just a minute.

Yes, Aviva.

There's a Dr. Meir Rectum
on the line, it sounds important.

Put him through.

I'm putting you through,
Dr. Rectum.

Hello?
- What's up, idiot?

You have to come to the beach,
it's like paradise here.

I can't, man, I'm swamped.

Paradise, man.
- OK, bye.

Veksler, I'll call you back,
something urgent came up.

She's pretending to read.
- Yeah, right.

She hasn't read a single page,
a single word.

The book is upside down.

Look at those legs.

I like the combination
of the flesh and bones.

Do you think she's comfortable?
- No way.

Her neck must be killing her.
- Check out her friend.

Hello, friend. Kiss.

C'mon, take it off.

A G-string, dude.

What an ass.

Did you see how she
laid down her towel?

First she takes the towel out...
- Then she...

She's a slag.
- She's a slag.

Yes, you're a slag,
you want our dicks. Now.

I'd do a "frozen chicken"
on her.

Frozen chicken? -You don't
know what that is? -No.

Lie down, lie down.

No...
- C'mon, lie down.

On your back,
with your arms like this.

You idiot!

My phone's ringing.

Hello? -Mon cheri.
- Oui.

What's up? -How are you?
- Great.

I'm sitting here with
Batzal at the beach.

There's a babe
in a G-string here,

remember that hot chick
at Shelley's party?

She's nothing
compared to this one.

OK, leave me alone, I'm busy.
- OK, bye. - Bye.

Dude, what's going on
with you two?

I don't know.
Women, go figure.

How's school?

Thank God,
my last exam is on Sunday.

Shouldn't you be studying?

It's OK, I know the material.

Your Guy's friend, how could you
not know all the material?

Yeah, whatever.

Look at the sea.

About 7 years ago, Guya and I
were on our way home from somewhere,

it was a crazy winter day,

cold, rainy, windy,
the sea was black and stormy.

We drove past the beach

and your brother asks me
if I want to go for a swim.

I knew he just wanted to show off
his navy commando past,

so I said sure. We took
our clothes off in the car,

ran to the beach and
went into the water,

it was awesome. I can't
even describe the feeling.

The following year,
same day, same time,

Feb. 22 at 2 o'clock,
it's easy to remember,

I call him up and ask him:
Got a towel? He says: What?

I said: So, you're
a tradition-breaker, eh?

You know him,
when he heard that,

he dropped everything
and met me at the beach.

We do it every year now. Feb. 22
at 2 o'clock, no matter what,

we're at the beach.

That was delicious.
Thanks.

What's the matter?
You saved the last sip

for the end of the meal
and now it's gone?

Order another one, sweetie.

That last sip
is exactly what you need.

But you don't feel like ordering
a glass of cola for one sip.

Is it worth ordering a whole glass
for one tiny sip?

To order or not to order?
10 shekels for one sip,

but it's the last sip,
so it's priceless.

But on the other hand,
it's immoral and a waste of money

to spend 10 shekels
on one sip.

So I'll drink the whole glass.
But then I'll suffer.

Can I have another
glass of cola?

My dad says that if you don't pick up
10 cents you're not worth 10 cents.

My dad says that if you pick up
10 cents, you're worth 10 cents.

Why is it that
those great sentences

always have contradicting sentences
that sound right too?

Draw us.

You're touching me.

No, I'm not.
You're touching me.

It felt good, don't stop.

Are you crying?
Caricatures make you cry?

No.

Don't you get emotional
from things like this?

I get emotional
from different things.

Besides, I never cry.

Tough cookie.

I don't know.

Shit, why did you tell that idiot
I'd get him a job at the museum?

We already discussed it.

Yes, and I told you that I'll
get blamed for all his foul-ups.

What foul-ups?
He'll be a museum guard,

all he has to do is
sit there and do nothing.

We'll see about that.

He's a good guy, he just
wants to earn a few bucks

so that he can keep
making his stupid films.

I'm sick of you and
all your friends. I've had it!

What's wrong, honey?
- What do you care?

Go to your babe from the beach.
- But honey...

Move.

Take that.

Stop playing that stupid game,
c'mon, it's 8:20.

OK, I'm ready.
- Hurry up. - Just a sec.

Shit!

Don't sweat it, man.

How could you two
be siblings? Huh?

How could it be?

Let go, man.
- No. - C'mon.

No. What are you
gonna do about it?

Great, you broke the vase.
I knew this would happen.

Guy, would you grow up?
I've had it with this crap.

What's so funny?

We're late for the movie,
so get your act together.

Thank you.
- I'll be downstairs.

Oh, Golan,
I'm so glad to see you.

Last night I was telling
my darling Ziva about you.

She's a wonderful girl,
you should meet her.

I'll give you her number,
give her a call,

if it works out, it works out,
if it doesn't, it doesn't.

What do you have to lose?
She's free tonight.

Thanks.

Pull over, dude,
I want to stop at the ATM.

No, we're late. Guy will pay
for you, you can pay him back.

When you walk into
the cinema late,

do you walk with your butt or
your front facing the people?

My front.
- Yeah?

It's just the right height.

Why didn't Dikla come along?
- He can't call her,

he has to wait
for her call.

You're so full of shit.

She's just under
a little pressure.

Finally, someone's
giving you a hard time.

And Golan loves a hard time,
don't you, Goulash?

I hope that's not the only thing
you like about her.

It's mine.

Hello?
- Are you alone?

Yes. What's up?

Are you busy?

No, I'm at home,
making something to eat.

I'll be at your place
in 2 minutes. - OK.

I have no choice,
do me a favor and get out.

I have a situation here. Here's
cab money, please, let me go.

You're kidding me. - Why didn't
you tell her to come along?

C'mon, Guya, do me a favor.

Just you wait. One day
I'll strand you in the desert...

Don't get upset, Galit.
- "Don't get upset, Galit."

Thanks, dude.

Hello.

Hi.
- How's it going?

Great.

That smells amazing.
- Yeah?

Great dress.

Just a sec.

Thanks.

It looks good, doesn't it?

What?
- You smell good.

You think so?

Could you get me a carrot?

I'd love to get you a carrot.
- Great. - I love carrots.

Yeah?

Here it is.

"I wanted to touch,
but I lost sense

"Something broke inside of me

"I don't remember..."

That was great.
- I'm stuffed.

So, sweetie,
wanna go to sleep?

What are you doing?
Are you crazy?

Have you gone mental?

So I smashed a glass on the wall.
What's with you?

You smash a glass on the wall
and ask what's with me?

Shit, what's with you?
That's a new set from my mother.

Who told me about living life,
about going crazy, sweetie?

Was that you?

About collecting memories
for the old-age home.

What kind of memories
will you have if you think

10 steps before
doing anything?

Fuck it!

Is that yours?
- Yeah.

Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.

How's it going?

No, I'm at a friend's.

Seriously?

Wait, where are you?

Cool, I'm on my way.
OK, sweetie, bye.

I had a great time.

You were awesome. Bye.

What?

Hi, Dikla,
how's it going?

Great. I gotta run. Bye.

What is this?

Answer me.

I don't believe it.
Are you crazy?

Guya, do you have anything to say
about this? I don't believe it.

Golan, answer me,
what is this?

You're not the only one
who lives here, you know.

What were you doing?
- Get her away from me.

I'll clean it up, OK?

Dude...

I can't handle her, she...

She's killing me.

One minute I'm on the top
of the world, the next minute...

I'm sorry.
- Forget about it.

I'm a jerk, this should've
never happened.

Are you cut out for working
in an organization? -I dunno.

I've never worked
for an organization.

What I need is freedom of action.
If I'm given that,

I can contribute a lot
to any organization.

You haven't kept any job
for an extended period. Why?

I get fed up.
- Then what are you doing here?

What's going on?

Why doesn't anything
go right?

I don't know,
I'm trying.

You think you'll find a job that
you'll be happy with all the time?

There's no such thing.

You're not doing anything
or getting anywhere,

everyone else is running ahead,
you'll end up all alone.

They run ahead,

like little kids
learning how to walk.

They run fast so that they
don't fall, and that sucks.

Your philosophies won't
get you anywhere.

Unless you want to
impress some girl.

Where am I supposed to
want to get to?

What do you mean?

Are you on drugs or what?
What's with you?

For your information, the money
you saved working in Australia

is almost gone.
- I know.

Mom is pressuring me to stop
helping you with the rent,

she says we're spoiling you.

So you have one month
to find a job,

or else no more rent money.
Is that clear?

Batzal.
- Hey, Dina.

How's it going?
- Fine.

Well? -Well what?
- Well, bring him in.

Don't talk like that,

you must make a good impression,
he's a very important man.

Behave, my job means a lot
to me and I recommended you.

"Museum Director"

Thank you.
- It was my pleasure.

It's OK, just leave
a check with my secretary.

Good afternoon.

Firstly, thank you very much,
your wife got me a job.

Batzal is now a museum guard.

Secondly, I have a great idea...

A cigarette for every situation.

A "together" cigarette,
a "good news" cigarette,

a "me against
the whole world" cigarette...

Wait, give me that one back,
it's still being developed.

"Depression"

A cigarette for
every situation,

so you can keep track
of your day.

I'm in negotiations with Marlboro
and other foreign companies.

You can't argue rationally
with a woman.

You just can't.
It's all emotional with them.

You build things up
and everything seems fine,

then she explodes in your face.
- It's good for sex.

You gradually become able to look
at other women with your wife,

and that's awesome,
as if she's your buddy.

Totally.

It's alright with her,
she gets into it,

she'll even say something like:
"Look at that chick."

And you're loving it,
it's totally cool,

then all of a sudden,
you tell her to look at some babe,

and boom, she explodes.

She's not secure enough
about your love, that's all.

Show her how crazy you are
about her. That'll patch things up.

You're so sweet.
Hump her brains out,

that'll solve everything,
believe me.

I can't do that, she's my wife,
not some street hooker.

Wanna hump a street hooker's
brains out? -Of course.

Then hump your wife too,
she needs it, don't you get it?

You can stay,
Guya should be back soon.

Sit down, have
a "see you later" cigarette.

"Bite me" cigarette.

Great, number 10.
"Bite me". With a hyphen?

We'll start working
on that one. Thanks.

Hello!

Wow, thanks.

But my birthday isn't for another
2 months, you got mixed up.

No I didn't.
- Then what?

Is today Valentine's Day?
- No.

Mother's Day?
- No.

Cambodia's Independence Day?
- No. - Then what?

I just wanted to tell you
that I love you.

Now, baby...

What are you doing?
- I'm gonna hump your brains out!

Always at the good part...

Where've you been all week?
- Nowhere.

Come have lunch with us.
- No, I don't feel like it.

Are you whacking off?
- Let me go.

Then come later.

C'mon, people, gimme a break!

What's up?

Hey, how's it going?
- Great. What's new?

Nothing much, nothing much.

You sound weird.
Is something wrong?

No, nothing.

How're you doing?

Great, I was looking for you
last night, did you go out?

No, not really.

I'll call you later.
Are you at home? -Yeah, talk to me.

Thank you!

Look.
- What's with him?

He's gone wacko.

What's with you, dude?

I'm tripping, dude.

You're screwed up...

She asked me if I went out
last night, get it?

Finally.
- Welcome to the club, man.

Wanna double-date?
- With all due respect,

don't forget your friends, OK?

Here you are.

Since when do you drink
mineral water, man?

Soft drinks and juices
are too sweet.

My grandpa thinks so too.

All he thinks about is who'll come
to his funeral, what they'll say,

who will cry the most...

Have you thought about
how I'll cry?

"Oh, Yos is
no longer with us..."

I want Dikla to choke
on her tears at my funeral.

I want 5,000 babes
crying hysterically,

stretched out over my grave.

I don't want anyone to be sad,
I want them to wear smiley t-shirts.

Knock it off, OK?

Smiley t-shirts...

I'm going to ask Dikla to go
to Sinai for the weekend.

I've gotta go to
Sinai with her.

See?
We said we'd go in 2 weeks.

Chill out. Have you asked
for time off from the museum?

I'm just afraid she won't get
into the Sinai mindset.

Shit, this is scary.

Do you know how many topless babes
in G-strings are on the beach there?

She'll spoil it for you.

Asshole.

Where does she think
she's going? Paris?

This is Guy's car.

Yeah, his company pays
for the gas.

Let's go, sweetie, we don't
have all the time in the world.

Hello.

Excuse me,
where's the restroom?

Excellent question.

First, I'd like to say that
I'm very happy you're here,

and you're dressed so nicely,
What are your names?

Rachel.
- Rachel.

Ella. - Ella.
Regarding your question.

Down the hall...

To the left, 3 stairs,
mind your step,

there's a yellow sign,
"restroom".

Thank you.
- You're welcome.

What a nice fellow.
- So courteous and polite.

Look what I found.
Look at that girl.

We're going to Sinai,
first time one-on-one.

I just hope she digs it.

She's such a nut, look what
she's wearing to Sinai...

She'll lie on the beach like
a Bedouin princess, she'll love it.

How do you know?
Look at her.

The pretzel.

The pretzel never lies, man.

It came out expensive.

Down, down.

Right face!

Gum?
- Yeah.

I didn't know
they still make these!

I buy 10 every day
from different stores

just to maintain demand so that
they don't close down the factory.

You're a real saint.
- I think so too.

You do such noble deeds,
it's amazing.

Someone once said, I think
it was in World War II:

"When they came to take away
the Communists,

"I didn't resist,
because I wasn't a Communist.

"When they came for
the workers' leaders,

"I didn't resist, because
I wasn't a workers' leader.

"When they came for the Jews,
I didn't resist, I wasn't a Jew.

"When they came for me,
there was no one left to resist."

My hero.

What an awesome sentence.
- I've got more.

We mustn't remain indifferent,

we must fight for our principles,
I'm joining the union.

Yeah?
- Yeah, I wanna be the CEO...

You can't. - Why not?
- I'm the CEO.

Then I'll be the chairman.

Don't tell me you already
have a chairman.

OK, you're the chairman.
- Yeah!

I'm the chairman of the Alma
Chewing Gum Union,

for the preservation
of good ol' Israel.

Are you the guard?
- Yes. Can I help you?

This is what
a guard looks like?

Yes, sir.

Where's the restroom?
- Left and right.

Go, go, go!

Look at all the stars,
it looks like a planetarium.

Like a planetarium.

Everything's upside-down, eh?

What do you wanna be
when you grow up?

I have no idea.

As time goes by, I feel
as if I know less and less.

At this rate, by the time I'm 30,
I won't know anything.

You're dying to find someone
to ask him all the questions...

But he's hiding...

You suddenly find yourself asking
questions you thought were crazy,

like: Who am I,
what am I, what do I want.

And no one has the answer.
It just gets more complicated.

Have you noticed that
your lip goes up like this...

And your neck.

Barbur (swan).
Barbur.

"Barbaleh"...

Hello?
- Baby, you're still asleep?

C'mon, your dad's gonna
turn off the faucet, remember?

You're right, baby.
Damn it...

Should I call back
to make sure you got up?

No, it's OK, I'm up.

Good luck, baby.
- Bye.

Baby? -Yeah.
- Thanks.

Don't forget, you've gotta
pass those tests. - Bye. - Bye.

Stop.

You're two competing teams

with the same mission -
to build an apartment building.

You have 12 minutes.
The winning team is the one

that builds the highest building.
Good luck.

Wait, let's...

Let's compare all the lengths.

Simi, you're in charge of that.
- OK.

We don't have much time.
Let's go.

We're doing fine.

There's a huge hole here.
Try to fill it in...

There's one missing here.

Can I put one here?

Danny, keep working on this...
- We're in the lead, so far.

The colors are unimportant,
I've already done these tests.

OK, stop.

OK, people, each group must
choose a representative

to tell about their work process.

Where are you going?

To the restroom,
I'll be right back. - No,

there will be
a recess in 5 minutes.

I'm just going to...
- Please sit down, thank you.

I've had it
with this fucking Lego!

This will determine if I can work
or not? Gimme a fucking break!

You loser! This is your job?

Standing there like a jerk,
watching people play Lego?

And you look like
the back of a bus!

What a nutcase.

Why do they do this to us?

Must I humiliate myself
just to get a frigging job?

And what for? Money?

To be stuck in traffic
in the world's fastest car?

To eat nothing when
you're starving?

To live in some crazy house
and be lonely and scared,

and people only like you
for your money?

Who said this pot-head has less fun
than the suit in the Mercedes?

What's it worth if
you're never satisfied

and just want more and more?

After all, we all wind up
in the same place.

And what are we left with there?

Money?

Prestige?

Respect?

You gotta live life,
enjoy every moment.

Enjoy the simple things.

Barbaleh used to enjoy life,

but not anymore.

What happened?

That stupid, ugly Galit
was promoted and no one asked me,

or notified me,
or consulted with me

they just said:
Galit is the events manager.

And if that's not enough,
Eizenman got stuck in an elevator

and delivered rotten flowers.
So I'm going absolutely crazy.

I'm stinky,

I'm stinky and
I'm not taking a shower.

Good night.

Dude, I've gotta talk
to you about her. - Not now.

It's urgent. Why do you think
I came to this bullshit?

Can't it wait?

There are loads of things
about her that I can't live with.

You think Galit
doesn't have such things?

You think I enjoy seeing
her play with her feet all day?

That my friends
can't stand her?

That's how it is when you're
a couple, it's not perfect.

But she scares me.

It's not her that scares you,
it's being in a relationship.

Don't tell me
what scares me.

She's unpredictable,
she gets laid around grannies,

I can't get that
out of my head.

And she never cries, how can I be
with someone who never cries?

Forget that,
it's just a facade.

She's become a worry-wart.
She wakes me up in the morning,

worries about our future,
I'm suffocating.

You're not gonna weasel
your way out of this.

You expect me to stay with her
just because she's your sister?

So that I don't hurt you?

You're not hurting me,
you're hurting yourself.

You're incapable of having
a real relationship with anyone,

every time it gets serious,
you weasel your way out,

which leaves you alone,
not me.

It's the same story every time.

You meet someone,
you fall in love,

you're on cloud-nine,
then you get into a routine,

start fabricating all kinds of
drawbacks she has and disappear.

Who gets screwed in the end, me?

I'm not asking you to stay with
her because she's my sister.

I just want you to give
something real a chance.

Jokes and buddies and sleeping
around are just an escape.

You're the one
who ends up losing out.

My job is to make sure the area from
the tree to the cafe is sterile.

What do you mean?

Hey, dude.

Check this out,
it'll blow you away.

Suspicious guys
who seem hesitant...

Hesitant.
This guy is a gem.

You can sense
they're hesitant,

the biggest hesitators are the ones
who try pretending they're not.

I'm going to Amsterdam,
for a week, to clear my head,

when I get back,
I'll edit this stuff,

and win first prize
at the Cannes Film Festival.

First prize.

Cannes, National Geographic,
whatever...

Barbaleh, what's the occasion?

What's the occasion?

We've been together
7 months today.

Today?

What do you mean, today?

How do you know?

I'm a woman, remember?

You're so sweet.

What did you make?

I tried making that chicken
your mom makes,

I called her for the recipe...

I want us
to take a break, sweetie.

What do you mean, a break?

I dunno.

I feel like things
are getting out of control.

I'd rather find a roommate,

go back to the way
things used to be.

Wait a minute.

What's going on here?
Wait...

This commitment is
too much for me.

I feel like I'm suffocating.

I need some time
to myself, alone.

You're a coward.

That's what you are.

A coward.

Let me go.
- Wait a minute...

Let me go.

Batzal.

Hey, Goulash.
Good to see you. - Goulash?

You have a friend
named Goulash?

What are Reuti's
3 favorite foods?

I'm Reuti,
nice to meet you.

Chocolate with "pop rocks",

a Spanish burger
at Burger Ranch, and...

goulash!

Do you like goulash, Goulash?

I'm over there.

Don't forget anything.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Today.

Today.

Who is she, dude?

Dude, that's Reuti.
She's great.

So, what's new?

I broke up with Dikla.

No way!

Too bad,
she was great.

Hi, Barbaleh, how are you?
No, Barbaleh's no good...

Hi, Dikla, how are you?

OK.

Listen, I realize
I made a mistake,

I love you,
I want you back.

She'll fall silent.
Then I'll say...

Could that be her?

Where were we?
Let's get together.

No, I'm busy.
C'mon, baby, we're adults.

Not again...

Hello?

Mr. Golan Holtzman, please.
- Speaking.

Hello. I'm Sarah
from Discount Investments.

You sent us your CV regarding
the financial adviser position,

are you still interested?
- Of course I am.

Did you you just call before?
- No, I didn't.

Come to 43 Rothchild at 2 PM
on Tuesday for an interview.

OK.

Thanks.
- Goodbye.

Senior financial adviser.

Hello?

Hello?
- Hi, Guya, it's me.

Hey, what's up?

How are you?
- Great.

Listen, I'm busy right now,

but you'll be getting
an invitation soon.

Seriously? You're
getting married? Great.

A guy's gotta make up his mind.

Anyway, I can't talk right now,
I'm in a meeting,

come dressed in white,
everyone's coming in white.

I'll talk to you, man. Bye.
- Bye.

Hello? -Hey, dude,
Guya's getting married.

No shit, dimwit.

You knew about it, you idiot?

Of course I knew.

Are you kidding me?

No, he told me a few days ago.
He didn't tell you?

Cut it out, Reuti...

Why didn't you tell me,
you turd? -Goulash...

I can't believe he just told me,
what if I hadn't called him?

I was sure you knew.
- Dude, what's going on?

Reuti, cut it out.
Reut, go to the kitchen.

I don't know, man, I thought he...
Reuti, cut it out.

The camera's here,
right in front of the sink...

Another crazy idea...

How much are you giving him?
- Dunno, how about you?

How much are you giving him,
Goulash?

Dunno.

We don't have to give the same
amount, I'm much closer to him.

You mean you were
closer to him.

Are you bringing Reut?
- No, Reut's bringing me,

she dragged me all over town
to buy some white trousers.

Great. So we'll give 500 as
a couple, and you'll give 500 alone.

She's amazing. I never knew
there were such girls. - What?

She's pretty, but grew up
as if she were ugly.

Only girls from the countryside
are like that nowadays.

She's unaware of her beauty.
It's amazing.

She wasn't raised on MTV, cafes,
after-parties, make-up...

5 AM she was in the cowshed,
then the kitchen,

then all kinds of environmental
activities, Greenpeace and stuff.

She's not preoccupied
with her pussy.

Goulash, she can take us
on a trip to the countryside

and fix you up with someone too.

What's going on?

OK.

Let's call him, tell him
we're picking him up, poor guy.

Is he in contact with Dikla?

No, not at all. He's not
in contact with Guy either.

Poor guy, he's so sweet.

You have a huge zit right here.

It's not ready to be popped.

Why did he break up with her
anyway? I don't get it.

Neither do I.

I don't think
he knows why either.

Dude, we'll pick you up at 7.

I'm telling you,
it's ready to be popped.

Good morning.

I'm Golan,
I'm here for the interview.

You have to fill out your CV.
- I already have.

You have to fill it out again.

I already have, that's why
I was summoned for the interview.

Those are the rules,
you have to fill out your CV.

I already have.

I told you, those are the rules...
- Thank you.

Hey man, get me the number
of the blonde from the wedding.

I finished the army,
did my SAT's,

and decided not to waste any time,
I'm not the traveling type anyway,

I'd already been to
the States and Europe,

so I started school.

Very good.
Do you like it?

It's OK, it's very practical.
What choices did I have?

Either Psychology
or Accounting,

so I preferred Law.

What a nice song.
I love it.

What kind of music do you like?

Anything except jazz.

That's funny, I don't
like jazz either. - Seriously?

You don't seem
very focused today.

Why do you say that?
You don't like jazz,

you preferred Law to
Psychology or Accounting,

I heard everything.

Here, it's a gift.

Thanks.

What?

What's wrong?

Did I say something wrong?

Everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

This turns you on?

It has no future.
- Of course it does.

We'll get a few more
ideas together,

we'll get the grasshopper and
the giraffe, those geniuses,

the university guard,
we'll get real people,

in real situations,
in real moments.

The ideas are great,
I'm not saying they're not.

But it has no future.

You have to think about
not only having fun now,

but about our future.
How will we get by on this?

Patience.

It's OK as a hobby,
but as a profession, get real.

But baby, I love it.

But baby, I love you.

So you broke up?
- Yeah. It's no big loss.

It's not because of me
or anything, is it?

Of course not,
I hardly know you.

OK, that's cool.

Why, does that stress you out?

Having a relationship end
because of you isn't so nice.

Especially when you're not so sure
what you want out of life.

You don't know
what you want?

Let's just say I'm recovering
from... a painful story.

Oh, your girlfriend left you?
- No, actually, I left her.

Then what's so painful?

It's more complicated than that.

I want to tell you something.
- What?

My foot fell asleep.

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.

It's OK,
sit on the other one.

2 minutes.

Golan?

Your sandwich.
- Thanks.

I like organizations.

I like being told what to do.

I like doing as I'm told.

I'm just a pawn
that obeys orders.

A little pawn.

That's all I am.

What are your drawbacks, Golan?

Firstly, I'm over-motivated.

When I work, I don't see my
girlfriend, my parents, no one.

A real workaholic.

If I don't work 18 hours a day,
I get sick, really.

Nothing interests me
but work, hard work.

What else?

I'm very stubborn.

But needless to say,
I know when to compromise.

Son of a bitch.

Would you stop hiding it?

Did we receive Shmuelov's fax?

Yes, yes, my friends,
that's me.

I gave them the answers they
wanted to hear, and I'm in.

Deep in the circle of lies.

I have a job that I hate.

I live with a woman
I don't love

and I have longings...

When I was a kid, I jumped out
of bed every morning with joy.

Why did it become so hard
to get up?

Everyone dies,
but not everyone lives.

That sentence is so true.

When are you
coming home, baby?

I don't know, sweetie.
I messed up today.

My boss caught me loafing around,

so I'm waiting for him to leave,
I don't want to leave before him.

If my wife knew how much
it cost, she'd kill me.

Come home, I miss you.
- OK. Bye, sweetie.

Fuck this.

This was your idea.

Sit down, we brought chairs
from the neighbors,

make yourselves at home.

Tzembi says happy birthday,
he's overseas, of course.

I'm stuck at work and
you're filming movies...

Not anymore. Do you know
what Butzi started studying?

Computers.

Congratulations.

What's it called? SPP?
- C++...

First we learn C++,
then... - 3 years.

They guarantee you a job too,
and a white car with a sticker.

So we have two happy occasions.

Cheers, everybody!
Congratulations!

Wait for me.

You're so sweet.

One, two...

C'mon.

"Many happy returns!
May you live to be 120!"

Is this Mt. Hermon wine?

At our house...

Who's driving home?

Is this from France?

Did you visit your parents?
How was it?

"Ronen and Dikla aren't at home,
leave us a message."

Hi.

Sweetie.

Is everything OK?
You look sad.

No, I'm OK,
squaring accounts with myself,

it's my birthday, after all.
Give me a hug.

I want the recipe,
in writing.

It's a secret.

Just take off two eggs, add more
spinach and give her the recipe.

You rascals,
what were you doing in there?

I'll walk you to the door.
- Regards to Uri.

Now I can sit on the sofa.
She took up the entire space.

She doesn't shut up.

"I want the recipe..."

She always asks for recipes,
no matter what it is...

By the way, Dina, the quiches
weren't so great this time.

Yossi, can't you
give me a hand?

Here...

No, it's OK.

"Hi, you've reached Guy.
I'm on reserves duty.

"If it's urgent,
contact me through the office..."

Did you see the movie about
the crocodiles on Friday?

Fantastic! The way
they devour the zebras...

Yeah, boom, by the neck...
- It's so scary.

I like snakes.

Snakes.

Yeah, they're scary...

Change the channel.

Breaking news: Two navy commando
soldiers, First Sgt. Roni Meidan

and reserves officer Guy Kahana,

were killed in a military exercise
accident in Haifa Bay.

What a guy.

He came to the beach
even though he was mad at me.

Stop it.

We have a flat tire.
- What?

For fuck's sake!

Hold on,
I have to do something.

"Guy Kahana"

Guy Loel as Golan

Osnat Hakim as Dikla

Benny Avni as Batzal

Yoram Sachs as Guy

Shay Werker as Yos

Written and Directed by:
Ilan Heitner

Co-Producer: Shay Werker

Director of Photography:
Oded Kirma

Editor: Joelle Alexis

Original Score: Ophir Leibovitch

Goodbye, everyone,
goodbye.

Have fun,

as long as you can.

Enjoy.

Life is short, kids.