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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO ๏ปฟ1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 2 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,395 [SNIFFS] 3 00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,903 [INHALES DEEPLY] Hmm. 4 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,619 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 5 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,545 [SMACKS LIPS] That's the one. 6 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,509 I have just found the perfect place to be murdered. 7 00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:54,428 Oh, are you still planning on playing that stupid game? 8 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,589 Absolutely. 9 00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:57,725 I see my birthday as the perfect chance 10 00:00:57,726 --> 00:00:58,891 for everyone to just come together 11 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,395 and have lots of fun within the terms of the rental agreement. 12 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,857 So you're feeling better about turning 50? 13 00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:08,277 Yeah. Yeah, I'm feeling very positive. 14 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,070 Very positive indeed, actually. 15 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,698 - Aw, well, good. - Hmm. 16 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,860 Goodness me. Look at this. 17 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,990 Oh, wow! 18 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,158 Why do you always drive? 19 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,166 Well, your dad's developed terrible road rage 20 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:00,661 since becoming a taxi driver. 21 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,998 It's embarrassing, Jase, just gesticulating to everyone. 22 00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:07,084 Well, you know what? Maybe if you gesticulated at a few more people, 23 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,462 I wouldn't have to. How about that, hey? 24 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,672 Oh, my Go... Honestly, that gets me every time. 25 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:12,840 [CAR HORN HONKS] 26 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,717 - Oy, oy. Here they are. - Yay! [CHUCKLES] 27 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,344 You made it then? You all right? 28 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,387 Sorry we're late by my standards. 29 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,473 [PRINCESS] Still getting used to my new car. 30 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,225 [JASON] How was she to drive? 31 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,186 Yeah. She's a good little runner. 32 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,979 I'm gonna take the engine apart when we get home. 33 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,731 - Why? What's wrong with it? - Nothing. 34 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,901 Please tell me you strip your engine down for monthly checks. 35 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,361 Oh, yeah. Definitely. 36 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:36,072 I mean, it's slipped a bit recently possibly, but... 37 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,198 Here. 38 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:40,744 - Princess was taking notes. - Oh, yeah? [LAUGHS] 39 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,622 - Head notes. - [JASON] Head notes. 40 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:45,665 - Hello! - This is nice. 41 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,124 - You all right? Yeah? - Yeah. 42 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,417 [JASON] Oh, yeah. There they are. 43 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,002 I'll tell you what, the drive's long enough. 44 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,379 - [NIKKI CHUCKLES] - How rich are you? 45 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,730 Oh, no. No. No, listen... [STAMMERS] 46 00:02:53,731 --> 00:02:54,831 ... it's just ours for the weekend. 47 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,445 Billiard room's actually quite cramped. 48 00:02:56,446 --> 00:02:58,386 And the peacock pictured online, 49 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,389 - he's rather conspicuous by his absence. - Okay. 50 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,557 - Happy birthday! [CHUCKLES] - Oh... [CHUCKLES] 51 00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:04,434 - [JASON] Happy birthday to you. - [CAR HORN HONKS] 52 00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:09,105 Oh, my. Why the hell have they brought that thing? 53 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:12,608 - Are there not enough rooms for everyone? - No, there's plenty of rooms. 54 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,443 They just prefer the caravan. 55 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,444 Hello! 56 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,488 Do you know they've got everything in that thing? 57 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:18,573 - Right. - No, no, I m... 58 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,951 Oh, no, I mean literally everything. 59 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,245 You can test it. 60 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:29,375 - Aw. Here she is. Hello. - Hello. [CHUCKLES] 61 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,460 Wow. 62 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,310 Yeah, so just wondering how the speech is coming along. 63 00:03:34,311 --> 00:03:36,258 For after dinner? 64 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,093 Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's all good. All good. [STAMMERS] That's all... 65 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,470 - That's all in hand. - Wonderful. And I... [STAMMERS] 66 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,930 - If it doesn't hem you in... - Hmm. 67 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,142 ... I do wonder if you might cap it at half an hour. 68 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,727 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean... [STAMMERS] 69 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,478 - Currently a squeak under that, but... - Right. 70 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,105 - So that's... - Yep, great. It's just... 71 00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:52,815 I only have three hours for the parlor games. 72 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:53,900 - Ah. - I mean, 73 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,110 there's barely enough time for one round of The Minister's Cat. 74 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,279 - Sure. - Let alone, uh, Are you there, Moriarty?, 75 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,615 Parson's Biscuits, or indeed, Call me Seamus. 76 00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:04,744 And don't worry. Yes, we will be ending on a round of Pass the Slipper. 77 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,579 - Don't want a riot on our hands. - [BOTH CHUCKLE] 78 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,581 - I know a good game. - Oh? 79 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,167 - It's called Does It Float? - Yeah? 80 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,962 You get a bowl of water and see what things float. 81 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,339 - Right. - Hmm. 82 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,715 Shall I repeat the rules again? 83 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:23,472 No. No, but let's do keep the dialogue open on that. 84 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,557 - Okay. Will do. - Here, mate. Here you go. 85 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,019 Dad, watch this. 86 00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,680 Uh, hi. Uh, sorry, I just wonder, 87 00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,400 do you have a hole punch in your caravan? 88 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,652 A3 or A4? 89 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:20,904 [STAMMERS] A4. 90 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,289 - [KNOCKING] - Unpacking then? 91 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,791 You missing your granny? 92 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:35,294 It's hard, innit? 93 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:40,716 When people were around and then they're not. [SIGHS] 94 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,013 Some people you carry with ya. 95 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:49,016 I know, but they're heavy. 96 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,643 Yeah, they are. 97 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,062 'Cause the card is quality. 98 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,109 Then one day, they seem lighter, 99 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:04,197 and you realize you're not carrying them anymore. 100 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,950 How do you know when it's time to stop carrying them? 101 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,286 I honestly don't know. 102 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:12,663 [SCOTT] It's time! 103 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,667 [CRASHING] 104 00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:17,377 It's time! 105 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,298 It's time! [CHUCKLES] 106 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,051 God, Scott. 107 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,137 Oh, no, no, no. [STAMMERS] It's the Lord of Slaughterbridge Manor. 108 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:33,017 Welcome! Welcome, everyone. Do come in, come in, come in. Come in guys. 109 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,936 - [STAMMERS, CHUCKLES] - [CHUCKLES] 110 00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:36,979 - The gong woke me up. [CHUCKLES] - Well, yes. 111 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,315 I had a tiny driving sherry on the trip down. 112 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,935 Right. When this is all over, I think... 113 00:06:40,936 --> 00:06:42,360 I think we should have a little chat. 114 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,404 Oh, yeah, okay. That'd be nice. 115 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,449 - [KAREN] Scott. - Uh, who's Scott? 116 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,201 Well, I will tell you who Scott is. 117 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:52,411 He's a man who won't listen to my advice when I tell him 118 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,747 - that nobody wants to play... - Hello! 119 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,543 And welcome to Slaughterbridge Manor. 120 00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:02,383 Shortly, your host, Lord Slaughterbr... 121 00:07:02,384 --> 00:07:03,631 That's me. I'm Lord Slaughterbridge. 122 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,758 Sorry, I have to... [STAMMERS, SMACKS LIPS] 123 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,501 Did ask Karen to, uh, read this bit, 124 00:07:07,502 --> 00:07:11,097 but she was... [STAMMERS] ... not keen. 125 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,557 - [CHUCKLES] - [SCOTT] Um, okay. 126 00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,725 So I am Lord Slaughterbridge, and I am inviting 127 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,979 you all here to solve a murder. 128 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:18,980 - [GASPS] - Ooh. 129 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:24,068 Yes, that's right. I am soon to be murdered by someone in this room. 130 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,153 - Yeah. I can see that for you. - [EXHALES SHARPLY] 131 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,989 - [JILLY CHUCKLES] - [NIKKI] Princess. 132 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:31,994 But who are the suspects? Hmm. 133 00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,581 - Take a prop. - Oh. 134 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:42,086 Ah, Slenderwell, the venerable vicar. 135 00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,255 - [NIKKI] Ooh. - [SCOTT] Hmm. 136 00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:46,716 Madame Rashevsky, 137 00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,676 - the eccentric spiritualist... - Hmm. 138 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,052 ... who can commune with the dead. 139 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:53,472 [GASPS] I've always felt a connection with the other side. 140 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,391 - [CHUCKLES] - Jason is... 141 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:58,561 - [GROANS] Come on. - ... Dick Malone, the hard-boiled PI. 142 00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:01,439 He can distill a man to his soul with a look. 143 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,523 [PRINCESS] Mmm. 144 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,692 Adept to using liquor to loosen tongues. 145 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,195 - M-Maybe we could pair up. - All right, Jill, love, yeah. 146 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,322 - [NIKKI] Bloody hell. - [SCOTT] Ah, the doctor. 147 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,866 Always trustworthy. Apart from the ones on the news. 148 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,327 Oh, okay. So the men are the detectives and the doctors. 149 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:17,246 Oh, my God. Can't we have an afternoon off? 150 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,332 Well... 151 00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,876 [SCOTT] Oh, Delilah Deville. 152 00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:26,047 Hot lips! The young, cunning femme fatale, corrupting any man she... 153 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,715 Right. Okay, all right. I think we got it. 154 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,910 Um... [SMACKS LIPS] ... works with, uh, 155 00:08:29,911 --> 00:08:33,137 respectfully, whilst earning equal pay. 156 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:36,389 - Better. - Langley Truman, ace newshound. 157 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,850 [NIKKI, KAREN CHUCKLE] 158 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,644 - Isabella and Isadora Slaughterbridge... - [NIKKI] Mmm. 159 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,981 ... granddaughters and heirs to the Slaughterbridge fortune. 160 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,650 - [NIKKI] Ooh. [CHUCKLES] - Interesting. 161 00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,620 - Karen. - And last but not least, 162 00:08:47,621 --> 00:08:50,613 - Carla Santiago... - [NIKKI] Aw. [CHUCKLES] 163 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,366 - ... assistant to the Spanish ambassador. - [NIKKI, PRINCESS CHUCKLE] 164 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,285 [SCOTT] How about that? They didn't have, uh, children's options. 165 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,913 But, um, don't worry, it's a largely ceremonial role. 166 00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:04,544 Now, once you have discovered my body somewhere in the house, 167 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:09,382 you will follow the clues that will lead you to the murderer among us. 168 00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:12,678 And you may start your search in one minute. 169 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,471 Actually, make it two, 'cause it's all the way down the corridor... 170 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:18,392 [SMACKS LIPS] ... or is it? 171 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,102 Look, we don't have to play this if you don't want to. 172 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:23,354 I mean, we can just go and have a drink on the... 173 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,815 All right. Well, he's gone already, so... [STAMMERS] 174 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,567 - [JASON] Nik, Nik, Nik. - [NIKKI] Yes? 175 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,652 Listen, we need to talk about Scott. 176 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,320 - What, like an intervention? [CHUCKLES] - No, 177 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,781 I mean this speech that he wants me to give after dinner. 178 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,700 - I haven't written it. What do I say? - I don't know. 179 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,369 - Just stuff you know about him. - I don't know anything about him. 180 00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,289 Jase, you've known him for years. You were best man at his wedding. 181 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:44,251 Just... I don't know, just draw on your shared memories. 182 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,753 - Dad. - Nikki. 183 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:48,880 Oh, yes? 184 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:51,341 Do you just wanna sack this off and go and eat all the canapรฉs? 185 00:09:52,034 --> 00:09:53,051 Yeah. 186 00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:57,388 Dad. Have you got any, um, observations about Scott, 187 00:09:57,389 --> 00:10:00,808 like memories, funny stories, anything for this bloody speech? 188 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,728 I try to block him out for the most part. 189 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,191 He's tall. I've noticed that. 190 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,862 Thanks very much. Yeah, that's... that's very helpful. 191 00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:14,907 [SIGHS] 192 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:25,584 Okay. Well, he's not in there, so I'm sort of done, really. 193 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,171 I think I need to move on. 194 00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:33,174 Well, we can try the drawing room, but I really CBA, TBH. 195 00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,010 No, not like that. 196 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:41,266 I, um... [SIGHS] I downloaded this dating app. 197 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:42,767 Oh. 198 00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:46,771 But I don't know what to do. I mean, it's a different world now. 199 00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:48,390 Well, it's not changed that much. I mean, 200 00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:50,149 how did you get together with Grandma? 201 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,862 We went for gimlets on Friday, and I wrote to her father on the Monday. 202 00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:58,282 Okay. [STAMMERS] Well, yeah, it's changed a bit. 203 00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:02,662 Right. We need a description of yourself for your bio. 204 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,790 - Here. What about this? - [SIGHS] 205 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,046 This is an alphabetized list of your medical issues. 206 00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:14,383 You think it should go serious to mild? 207 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,469 I'll put "health-conscious." 208 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,555 Okay. What about a profile photo? 209 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,267 Hmm. Oh, here. 210 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,353 - Yeah. - [PRINCESS SIGHS] 211 00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,605 [GROANS, CHUCKLES] 212 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,775 Aw, Granddad. [CHUCKLES] 213 00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,904 I think we may need some new ones. 214 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:43,494 - Shouldn't we be looking for Uncle Scott? - Well, we are, mate, in a way. 215 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:46,330 Look, if I don't find something to put in this speech, 216 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,583 then he's not going to be the only one dying. Trust me. 217 00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:51,210 And anyway, there's loads of people looking. 218 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,754 Someone else will find him. 219 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,314 I mean, the man's invisible. 220 00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:14,901 I put in "Scott Filbert" and it said, "Did you mean 'soft filters?'" 221 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,571 Then it takes me through to this cameras accessory website. 222 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,532 How're you getting on? You found anything? Let's have a look he... 223 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:25,453 Yeah, I don't know if I can weave 30 minutes of material 224 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:26,730 out of an air fryer review 225 00:12:26,731 --> 00:12:29,333 and an out-of-date listing on Companies House. 226 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,421 It may be time for some old-fashioned detective work, my friend. 227 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:36,589 Follow me. 228 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,466 Shouldn't we be looking for Scott? 229 00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,885 It's fine. There's loads of them. Someone else will find him. 230 00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,846 Okay. Push your lips forward like you're gonna give someone a kiss. 231 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,934 Slims the face. Now stand at a slight angle. 232 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,145 Okay, and lift your arms away from your body to create a gap. 233 00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,439 It makes you look thinner. 234 00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,111 Okay, forget that one. Just smile. 235 00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:01,532 Think of something that makes you happy? 236 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,451 Right. Remember before we left, 237 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,600 when we proved that mechanic wrong 238 00:13:06,601 --> 00:13:08,538 by replacing the distributor cap ourselves 239 00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:11,499 by first locating the cap, removing it from its housing, 240 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,668 being mindful of the spark plug wires 241 00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,587 and then carefully attaching the spark plug itself to the new cap? 242 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,713 Head notes. 243 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,049 There he is. 244 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:23,804 Okay. Good, but we're gonna need some more. 245 00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,268 All right, Princess? 246 00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:33,938 Hello. I just wondered, have you got champagne flutes, 247 00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:37,067 a straw hat and some reading glasses? 248 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,694 Ooh, and some golf clubs. 249 00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:40,946 Righto. 250 00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:43,447 Should we be going through his stuff? 251 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,742 Look, if you wanna know a man, then check his pockets. 252 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,787 - Come on, Scott. Give me something. - Library card. 253 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:53,125 Uh, when does it expire? [SIGHS] 254 00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:54,876 [SIGHS] Quite soon. 255 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,462 Is that good speech material? Lost my bearings. 256 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,799 Yeah. I'll get a couple of minutes out of that. 257 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,886 All right. Good. Good. Keep looking. 258 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:32,246 Sip from the glass. 259 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,707 Uh, maybe I'm too past it for this. 260 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,001 You look great, 261 00:14:36,002 --> 00:14:38,503 but there are things we can do to make you look younger. 262 00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:40,046 [GROANS, SIGHS] 263 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:43,008 We're down to mid-sixties already. Do up the top button of your shirt. 264 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,936 Hey, don't make me look too young. 265 00:14:44,937 --> 00:14:47,054 I don't want to attract younger women. 266 00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,347 I can't deal with that in-your-face, 267 00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:51,807 quick-talking sass of woman in their early sixties. 268 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,893 Got it. 269 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,193 I found someone, and I swiped right. 270 00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:04,279 You're supposed to swipe on lots of people. 271 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,656 That's disgusting. 272 00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:07,740 - [JILLY] Nikki. - Yeah? 273 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,116 - I'm worried. - Oh? 274 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,615 Ever since I put this hat on, 275 00:15:10,616 --> 00:15:13,121 I feel that I've awakened something within me. 276 00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:17,291 I-I think I saw a figure in the window upstairs. 277 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,752 Something not of this world. 278 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,673 Right. We're definitely gonna have that chat. 279 00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:25,509 - Here you go. - Uh... 280 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,094 - Spirit level? - Yes. 281 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,137 - Glue stick? - [CHUCKLES] Yes. 282 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,389 Some chalk for a pool cue? 283 00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:33,808 Be no point in bringing the pool cues without it. 284 00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:34,893 [SIGHS] 285 00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:37,311 Junior badminton set? 286 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:41,440 Y... Um, no. I don't think we do. 287 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,735 - Get in! [CHUCKLES] - [CHUCKLES] 288 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,781 Hang on. Ho... Hold on. Where's Scott? 289 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:10,512 Have you been... 290 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,807 there the whole day? 291 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:19,061 Well, we couldn't find you anywhere, could we? 292 00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,605 - [GUESTS CLAMORING] - I mean, we've been... 293 00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:22,356 - we've been worried sick. - [JASON] We were. 294 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,109 - [GROANS] - [JASON] Yeah. 295 00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:27,654 - Jason. - Hmm? 296 00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:29,780 Will you do your speech now? 297 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,200 'Cause he said after pudding. 298 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,787 [CLINKING] 299 00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:38,706 - [GUESTS MURMURING] - Hello, everyone. 300 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:42,002 Yeah. Thank you. Speech time... 301 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:49,551 Right. So, we are gathered here today 302 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:55,057 to celebrate 50 great years of Scott Filbert. 303 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,976 [GUESTS CHEERING, CHUCKLING] 304 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:02,648 I mean, what can you say about Scott Filbert? 305 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,568 He's a man. 306 00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,029 A tall man. 307 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,197 A married man. 308 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:15,617 A tall, employed, married man 309 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:19,289 with a house and a wife and a daughter. 310 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,306 Jase? 311 00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,192 He's a library member. 312 00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:51,071 But not for long. [LAUGHS] 313 00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:55,284 - [JASON SIGHS] - I'm really sorry. 314 00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:59,203 He is a man with very high standards. 315 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,663 Not for him, 316 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,082 an air fryer with long frying times 317 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:08,088 as opposed to the more conventional, uh, deep fat... deep fat ones. 318 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,591 Oh, Stevie's here, ladies and gentlemen. 319 00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:14,844 - [GUESTS APPLAUDING, CHUCKLING] - [JASON] Give it up for Stevie. Yep. 320 00:18:14,845 --> 00:18:16,138 Hello. 321 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,932 - [JASON] Um, big wallet fan. - [MOUTHING] You okay? 322 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,017 [JASON] Loves his wallets. 323 00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:23,562 Other famous Scotts include... 324 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,027 Uh, yeah. [STAMMERS] I think the reason he's, uh, struggling 325 00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,905 to say anything meaningful is, um... 326 00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:35,916 [INHALES DEEPLY, STAMMERS] 327 00:18:35,917 --> 00:18:37,491 ... there's really nothing meaningful to say. 328 00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,702 - No. - [SCOTT] No, no, no... Well, I mean, 329 00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:42,789 I was... I was, uh, dead for three hours. Nobody noticed. 330 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:46,210 Well, I think I died AS I LIVED: Unnoticed. 331 00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:51,381 A man of no consequence, admired only for his looks. 332 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,926 But I've been given a second chance at life today, 333 00:18:54,927 --> 00:19:00,432 a second chance to lead a life worthy of being missed. 334 00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:04,977 And the man I am today need not be the man I am tomorrow, after all. 335 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,022 So I've made a decision. 336 00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:13,362 And to raise awareness of rising sea levels... 337 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,532 something that's been on Stevie's mind... 338 00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:21,787 I have decided to single-handedly row the Atlantic Ocean. 339 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,380 [SMACKS LIPS] Okay. 340 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,385 Yeah, I'm just gonna... 341 00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:42,724 [CHUCKLES] 342 00:19:53,402 --> 00:19:56,196 Um, is everything okay? 343 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:59,240 - Very much so, yes. - Well, I only ask 344 00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:02,201 'cause you've just announced you're gonna row across an ocean. 345 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,496 That's right. I am. 346 00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:09,084 [LAUGHS] Okay, okay. Well, what's brought this on? 347 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,382 I've done very little with the time I've been given, Karen. 348 00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:18,191 And it turns out, the little I have done has been, um... 349 00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,636 [SMACKS LIPS] ... evil. 350 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,013 [CHUCKLES] What? 351 00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:23,514 Two years ago, I wrote a report 352 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:26,475 advocating the expansion of drilling rights in the Arctic. 353 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:30,771 And now they drill for shale gas in East Greenland, 354 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:34,943 which just happens to be the main breeding ground 355 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,196 of the Weddell seal. 356 00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:38,988 There he is. 357 00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:42,658 Yeah. Yeah, it's a seal with an annoying face. So what? 358 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:47,539 Well, since drilling began, the population has decreased by 40%. 359 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,875 I have all but killed off the Weddell seal, 360 00:20:50,876 --> 00:20:52,711 - one of the main sorts of seal. - Oh. 361 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:55,379 I didn't even know there were different sorts of seals. 362 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,590 I just thought there was one. Seal. 363 00:20:57,591 --> 00:20:59,300 Well, there probably is now, thanks to me. 364 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:00,384 Do you know what, Scott? 365 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,970 Maybe they need to be less fussy about where they have sex. 366 00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,933 I mean, I've seen seals. They're lucky they're getting laid at all. 367 00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:11,688 You know I've pretty much failed at everything I've done in life. 368 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,441 Except Stevie. 369 00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,694 I am not gonna fail her. 370 00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:21,697 I am not gonna actively destroy her future. 371 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:24,701 Oh, come on, Scott, you're 50 years old. 372 00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:27,537 I mean, you don't even go to the gym. 373 00:21:27,538 --> 00:21:30,164 Stevie loves you the way you are. 374 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,625 Listen, my dad died when he was 51 years old. 375 00:21:32,626 --> 00:21:34,419 That makes you think, doesn't it? 376 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,046 I mean, how much more time do I have? 377 00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:39,257 Well, he fell off the roof trying to fix a TV aerial. 378 00:21:39,258 --> 00:21:42,177 - I mean, that's hardly hereditary, Scott. - It makes you think. 379 00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:46,849 It's time for me to make my mark. 380 00:21:49,685 --> 00:21:50,686 Come on. 381 00:21:57,818 --> 00:22:01,070 That's why I was asking you about stories for it. [SHUSHES] 382 00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,156 - Oh, shall I ca... No? - No, not now. 383 00:22:04,950 --> 00:22:08,035 Okay. Well, if we're gonna play Parson's Biscuits, 384 00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,204 we best get started or we'll be here till midnight. 385 00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:12,623 So, everyone take off their left shoe, 386 00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:15,835 think of their favorite foreign secretary and don't tell anyone. 387 00:22:15,836 --> 00:22:18,088 - No, we don't wanna do that, Scott. - All righty then. 388 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,431 - I know a game. - Oh, no. Not now, love. 389 00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:29,641 It is fun. 390 00:22:33,187 --> 00:22:34,605 Oh, okay. What's it called? 391 00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:39,525 - It's called... - [ALL CHANTING] Does it float? Does it float? 392 00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:45,656 Does it float? Does it float? 393 00:22:45,657 --> 00:22:47,950 [GUESTS CLAMORING] 394 00:22:47,951 --> 00:22:50,494 - Sink. Sink. Sink. - Float. Float, Float. 395 00:22:50,495 --> 00:22:52,580 [JASON] Sink. Sink, sink, sink. 396 00:22:52,581 --> 00:22:55,291 - [ALL CHEERING] - He said float, yeah. 397 00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:58,503 [ALL CHANTING] Does it float? Does it float? 398 00:22:58,504 --> 00:23:01,923 Does it float? Does it float? Whoo! 399 00:23:01,924 --> 00:23:04,592 [ALL] Sink, sink, sink, sink! 400 00:23:04,593 --> 00:23:06,385 Sink, sink, sink, sink, sink! 401 00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:09,889 - Oh, you're all wrong. You're all wrong. - [ALL CHUCKLING, CLAMORING] 402 00:23:09,890 --> 00:23:12,642 [ALL CHANTING] Does it float? Whoo! Does it float? 403 00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:16,104 Does it float? Does it float? 404 00:23:18,148 --> 00:23:19,858 [ALL CHEERING] 405 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,656 Okay. 406 00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:29,785 Um, listen, sorry again about the speech. 407 00:23:30,619 --> 00:23:34,622 When a man wants a window, a friend offers him a mirror. 408 00:23:34,623 --> 00:23:37,542 Well, yeah. I mean, that's... that's what... that's what I thought. 409 00:23:37,543 --> 00:23:38,961 - [STAMMERS] Yeah. - Come here. 410 00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,046 Hey. Okay. 411 00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:44,258 [STRAINING] Here we go. 412 00:23:45,092 --> 00:23:47,386 - Okay. In you get. - [JILLY] Oh! 413 00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:55,560 All right, Mum? Seen a ghost in the window? 414 00:23:55,561 --> 00:23:57,228 I'm so embarrassed. 415 00:23:57,229 --> 00:23:59,189 It's been a real wake-up call for me. 416 00:23:59,690 --> 00:24:02,985 I won't be drinking again until we get home. [SIGHS] 417 00:24:03,986 --> 00:24:05,862 - [NIKKI] Love you. - You too. Bye. 418 00:24:05,863 --> 00:24:07,948 - See ya, Jill, love. Hang on. One more. - [JILLY] Bye-bye. 419 00:24:08,866 --> 00:24:10,242 - There you go. - Okay. Okey dokey. 420 00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,411 Please can I drive? Please. 421 00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:14,496 Please? 422 00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:16,289 Fine. 423 00:24:16,290 --> 00:24:18,374 All right, but Jase, one hint of road rage, 424 00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,919 - and we swap back. Really? Yeah? - Not gonna be. Yeah. 425 00:24:23,005 --> 00:24:25,173 - All right. You got everything? - Yeah. 426 00:24:25,174 --> 00:24:27,341 I've got everything I need. [CHUCKLES] 427 00:24:27,342 --> 00:24:28,427 [NIKKI] Come on. 428 00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:30,721 - Bye! - Bye! 429 00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:08,258 [CAR HORN HONKING] 430 00:25:11,595 --> 00:25:12,763 [SMACKS LIPS] 431 00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:15,265 Okay. 432 00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:47,256 [VIC] All right. 433 00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:49,716 Let's get out of here. 434 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:12,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 33968

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