Original subtitles

- Catherine, Catherine.

The last time I saw you, you had this very pouch

in your delicate hands.

Oh!

No, no.

Musketeer never gives up, never, never!

- But Aramis, where are you going?

- To meet destiny.

- It's wonderful, Prudence.

They returned the necklace just like that?

- Oh yes my lady, it was just as I told you.

The musketeers were magnificent.

Cardinal Fallwell's men didn't stand a chance.

- And they found the necklace in a little pouch

around a dead man's neck?

How grotesque.

- Yes, my lady.

- Thank you.

Could I maybe see it in the mirror?

- Of course my lady.

- Well it looks alright.

I just don't understand why Fallwell

just didn't put up a fight.

- Well my lady I think we should be thankful

the necklace was returned in one piece.

Your bath is ready.

- Thank you.

- No, no, no, this stays until the banquet is over.

- As you wish, my lady.

Lady, lady, look!

Oh my goodness!

- It's a fake!

We've been deceived!

- What are we going to do?

My lady!

Do not worry, we forgot about the musketeers!

♫ There she was just a walking down the street

- That's not how it goes.

- It is so!

My father sung it to me when I was a boy.

Who goes there?

Come out, or we'll run you through!

- So it is a jester that we deal with.

- Tell me, are you guards of the king?

- The king?

That fairy doesn't deserve guards.

We answer only to the cardinal!

The true ruler of France.

- Silence!

Who answers these questions?

- Aramis of Orleans.

The king's musketeer.

- Then we are enemies!

- En garde!

- En garde!

- En garde!

Oh shit.

- Mercy, please!

I beg of you!

- Tell me one thing.

- Anything!

Spare my life.

- Where is she?

- Who?

- The maiden, the one they call Catherine.

- I know not who you speak.

- Alright, alright!

Cardinal Fallwell's got a fondness for soft warm things.

- Where is she?

- She's in the cardinal's bed.

- And you think that's funny?

- No, no!

- Just take this away!

I can't stand it, I never want to see it again!

- Oh my lady, try to relax.

- Relax?

How can I relax at a time like this.

The cardinal and Lady DeSummer, they're both

plotting against me.

And if the necklace is not returned

by the time the banquet starts, I'm gonna be ruined.

And they're gonna find out with my affair

with the Duke of Earl.

- Oh my lady, we, we have to have faith, my lady.

In the musketeers.

We have to believe that they're going to

get the real necklace back from the Duke of Earl,

as well as the stones from Lady DeSummer.

Oh my lady, they have to succeed.

They're the musketeers.

- This is so nice, Prudence.

- Anything that pleases you, my lady.

It smells so decadent.

- Yes, sesame oil spiced with musk

and a secret ingredient.

I keep it nice and warm by the fire.

Would my lady like to turn over?

- One and two and three!

- You idiot.

- Your majesty.

- You've been awfully testy lately, Lizzie.

Oh honey, don't cry.

Don't cry.

Your eyes will get all puffy and you'll get stuff

all over your dress.

Aren't you excited?

It's only a week away to our fabulous party.

By the way.

What are you gonna wear?

- I really haven't thought about it yet.

- Well Prudence is making me a fabulous frock.

I know, maybe she could make us matchings!

Wouldn't that be peachy?

- Majesty, I have some papers for you to sign.

Am I interrupting something?

- Oh, no, we're just talking about our grand banquet.

- Is the queen upset?

- Oh no, I'm fine.

- Sir, I think he means me.

No, Cardinal Fallwell, I'm fine.

- Well, I'm sure you'll be the belle of the ball.

No disrespect to you, your majesty.

- Ha!

- But wearing that priceless emerald necklace.

No star will shine brighter.

You do still have the necklace, don't you?

- Of course she does.

Don't you, sweetie?

- Well, if the lady has no objections,

I will take the bauble to my artisans

for a special cleaning and polishing.

- That won't be necessary.

- Oh?

- I just couldn't bear the thought of other hands

touching my necklace, it's just so dear to me.

- How sweet.

Oh, gimme that.

- Your majesty I just wanted to tell you

that I must go out of the country on business.

- Monkey business, no doubt.

You better be back for our banquet.

- Wouldn't miss it for the world.

- Now, about those dresses.

- The most luscious brocade just came in.

- Oh I can't wait, I can't wait.

- Brought you something.

Something a little more appropriate.

That'll be all now, you can go.

I think I can handle it.

Put it on.

- Here?

- Yes, here.

Come here.

Come here.

See, I can be nice too.

Very nice.

Captain!

Prepare her.

- Hold still.

- No one can hear you.

- This'll be a lot easier if you don't fight.

Relax.

- Captain, prepare her.

- Shh.

Later, it's not my turn yet.

- I want her good and ready, captain.

- Oh look at that, she's wet now.

- Relax, my dear.

I'm about to grant you complete absolution.

Cleanse your soul.

Penetrate your peasant parts.

- Catherine!

Aramis!

- The Duke of Earl?

- Yes, who are you?

- We have a message from the Queen of France.

- Not another one.

Quickly, the necklace, it's around my neck.

What's this?

The stones are missing?

What the hell?

- Well think back!

Think hard!

- Lady DeSummer.

- I will personally keep a close watch on this one.

Welcome to hell.

- Hell is not all it's cracked up to be.

Water?

- You speak.

- Here, have some water, man.

- Thank you.

So what did you do to deserve such a fate?

- I represented the face of freedom,

so they took away my face.

- But your voice.

It sounds so familiar.

- It's the voice of suffering.

- Can you see me?

- I can see nothing except injustice.

- Tell me, tell me something.

Do you have any fight left in those weary bones?

- A good man once told me never give up.

Never.

- Come closer.

I have a plan.

Come closer.

- Your majesty please try to be still.

- I can't.

I'm so worried, they've almost been gone for a fortnight.

- A fortnight?

- Yes, two weeks.

- Oh, as long as all that?

- Yes.

- Guard, come quickly, come quickly, he's dying!

- Already?

- He's trying to say something.

- Let him die.

- Something about emeralds, your eminence.

- Emeralds?

Guard, open the door, quick!

What's he saying?

- He speaks in tongues.

He needs the last rites, your eminence.

- The emeralds, what does he say about the emeralds?

Speak!

- That your death be as slow and as painful as possible.

May you look freedom in its face once again, my friend.

Athos!

Athos!

We thought you were dead!

- So did I, my good man.

So did I.

I could not let you know it was me.

I did not want you to have this last vision of me.

- But your death.

- Of all the dungeons in all the hamlets in all the world,

you had to walk into mine.

- How quaint.

- Now remove your clothing, quickly.

- Athos!

I see you haven't lost your touch.

- My sword is a bit rusty

having spent all those years in the dungeon.

But like I always say, once a musketeer--

Always a musketeer!

- Alright, take her!

- No Aramis, no more killing.

- Quickly Aramis, we must go.

- After them, they've got the cardinal!

- Whoa.

We've gotta go this way.

- Forgive me, Aramis.

I'm tired of this musketeer shit.

I'm going to retire.

- Retire?

But why?

- Well last night for one shining moment

I felt that old fire in me.

It's hard to believe but I came to my senses.

You can go on without me.

- But Porthos and D'Artagnan!

- Please, don't tell them I'm alive.

Let me go as they think I did.

- As you wish.

- Here's looking at you, kid.

- Farewell!

- Mother!

Mother!

Mother!

Mother!

- Is she here?

- She must have gone to the market.

It's just you and I.

- Well then I'll wait til she returns.

- I'd like that.

We can wait in the barn.

- We can sit right here.

Do you remember this?

I gave you one just like it.

- I wish to give you something too.

- But you're only a maiden.

- I wish to give my maidenhood.

- Maidenhood, but--

- Hush.

I'm a poor peasant girl.

I have nothing to give to show my gratitude but myself.

- Catherine.

If you surrender yourself, surrender yourself

not for duty, but for desire.

- I shall, for desire sir, a great deal.

- Yes, you are so beautiful.

Oh that's beautiful, Catherine.

This is really beautiful.

- Aramis said that he will be here

and he will be here.

A musketeer always keeps his word.

- Ha!

He's probably with that wench right now trying to--

- Whoa!

Did I hear somebody say prick?

- Aramis, my friend, how are you?

- It's about time.

- You better shut up.

- Hey, we all need our rest anyway.

Now that we're here.

You know something.

I've had this calling here ever since I left Chatham.

I've had to take the most wicked,

well you know what I mean.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

Do you mind?

- Men!

- Your majesty, is it bigger than a breadbox?

- Bigger, much bigger.

- Covered with skin, perhaps?

- You're getting warmer.

- And bumps.

- You're burning hot.

- I'm so bored with these stupid parlor games.

I'm sorry, I just have the nastiest headache.

- That's alright your majesty,

everything will be alright, just relax.

- We're back!

- Musketeers!

Musketeers!

Porthos, D'Artagnan, come on, we have work to do!

You're impossible, all of you!

Here you are, a respected group of the king's elite army.

You're nothing but a bunch of drunken randy fools.

I've had it with you!

- Aha, the missing stones.

- Aha.

I've been expecting you.

What took you so long, whore?

- Who are you calling a whore, you harlot?

- Give me those emeralds right now.

- You harlot!

- Lick me, fuck me.

Come on girl, use your tongue.

- Musketeers, I've retrieved the jewels.

Come on, to the palace we ride!

- Eh?

- Your highness.

- However did you get the necklace back?

- Oh, it was nothing.

What I mean to say is Alexandra did play a large part.

What I mean to say is without her we couldn't have done it.

- And what became of Lady DeSummer?

- Well let's just say your highness

that she'll be riding side saddle

for quite some time.

- But what of the missing stones?

- Fret not, your highness, they are amongst us.

- Well where are they?

- Lady, they are here.

- The banquet starts in a few hours!

Where are they!

Come on, come on, out with them!

- I'm trying!

- More prunes, perhaps?

No, please, no more prunes.

- Then push, push.

I am pushing!

- Well come on Alexandra, you can do it!

Push, push, push!

- My friends do you mind if I put this on her myself?

- By all means.

Now, may you wear the king's cross and the pride of France

go with you for you are now the fourth musketeer.

Arise!

Musketeers!

All for one!

And one for all!

- We fight for liberty!

- Equality!

- Fraternity!

And I, gentlemen, have something for all of you.

- Darling, I'm having such a wonderful time.

It's so perfect, it's so grand.

- You know what?

I have something for you that will even make it

more wonderful.

- What?

- Prudence.

- A surprise!

What is it?

A surprise, what is it?

- Open it.

- The necklace!

Oh queenie, it's gorgeous.

Oh, put it on, put it on.

Not on you, on me!

These did look better on me.

What a nasty smudge.

Ooh, tangy.

Perfect, I want everyone to look at my necklace.

Oh look at me, I just love it,

thank you so much.

- Sire.

Your majesty.

We your subjects and the people of the entire world

wish to celebrate with you your anniversary.

In honor of this festive occasion,

the king of Siam has sent his country's finest dancers

to entertain you.

- Dancing girls?

What's wrong with a few dancing boys?

- And from Rome, there is the most gifted musicians

from all of Italy.

They have composed a song just for this occasion.

- Oh, how sweet.

I couldn't possibly hear it right now,

it would be just too much for me to handle.

- And from the king and queen of Portugal

there are copious amounts of the finest wines

its fertile valleys have to offer.

For your approval, sire.

- Come closer, come closer.

Very good, very good.

Don't get any lipstick on it now.

Silence!

Silence!

Works every time.

Now let's let the real festivities begin.

Because I too have a present for you, my love.

I hearby proclaim that all prisoners imprisoned unjustly

shall be released this day.

Bring them in!

Where is Cardinal Fallwell?

Phillipe?

Where is your cardinal?

- Sire, he hasn't been seen in days.

- Well, stick around, you can do it.

Now.

Shh, be patient, everyone will have

their turn to speak.

Now, you, you wanted water.

Come forth.

Will you put a lid on it!

Here is your water.

Drink, quench your thirst.

Look, I said be quiet!

Now, you, you wanted food.

Come and get your food.

Will somebody shut that man up?

Eat, eat!

Look, I said be quiet and I'm only going to tell you

one more time.

And you, you wanted pussy!

Here, here is your pussy!

- I got me a wench I do!

I got me a wench!

- And as for you.

Back to the dungeon you ungrateful slimy

smelly little poo.

Maybe a few more years there will teach you some respect.

Take him away, take him away.

Oh now everyone party!

Party and drink and be merry!

Yeah, my job.

- What is he doing in here again?

What the fuck is he doing?

Would you get the hell out of there?

Jesus Christ!

That's it, that's it, get out of here, that's it.

No, get out of here.

Cut, hold the roll.

Cut.