Original subtitles

Good afternoon, dear passengers.

I hope you're having a good time

and enjoying your trip.

So you don't get bored on your journey,

please listen to a song by Valery Kipelov

"I am free".

Above me is silence

A sky full of rain

The rain is getting through me

But the pain's gone

In the cold whisper of the stars

We burned the last bridge

And everything went down into the abyss

I'm going to be free

From evil and from good

My soul was on the razor's edge

I am free

Like a bird in the skies

I am free

I forgot what fear is

I am free

Just like the wild wind

I am free

I'm awake and not asleep

Mister!

Mis-ter!

Your ticket.

-Are you deaf? -Hey, buddy! Are you deaf?

Your ticket.

-Deaf-mute. -What do we do?

Forget it.

Messing with these disabled is nothing but trouble.

Well, disabled, will we pay the fine?

We will not.

Hands off! Take your hands off!

I am free

Happiness is behind the mountains

Hello. Beer. And open it, please.

Thank you.

Happiness is not behind the mountains

Did you study somewhere?

Biology Department, Ural University.

Your last job?

Registrar, technical library at the ship repair yard.

And why were you made redundant?

No shipyard - no library.

Well, what subject can you teach?

Biology, botany, zoology, chemistry...

The thing is, we already have teachers in these subjects.

But we have no one to teach geography, Roza Borisovna.

For half a year now.

But we can not hire someone without

a teaching qualification and any knowledge on the subject.

Roza Borisovna, I'll be glad to familiarize myself with this subject.

Well, biology and geography are pretty much the same thing.

After all, you are the headmaster - you decide.

No, no! I'm just a manager!

And you are the deputy head teacher.

You're an effective manager.

Tell me, do you have any idea of ​​the teacher's job, of adolescent psychology?

I have a daughter.

And do you even know who discovered the North Pole?

...Nansen.

A...Amundsen.

Or, maybe, Andersen?

I'll learn, Roza Borisovna.

Hardly, because nobody knows.

For me, everything is clear, Anton Antonovich.

I think so too, Roza Borisovna, moreover, in one day before the beginning of the 2nd semester

you won't be able to find a geography teacher, especially a man.

Write an application, Victor Sergeyevich.

Thank you.

Can I have a pen?

Geographer drank away the globe

No, I counted.

If I don't drink, smoke, eat,

and put away all the money, i'll have enough to buy

a domestic car

in 152 years.

He's been fishing, you see. Breadwinner.

Been drinking all weekend, and now he's telling me he's been fishing.

And where's the fish?

Pudzhik ate everything, rascal!

Then let Pudzhik do your laundry.

The washing machine is a fossil. I'm embarrassed to invite people over.

Why are you silent?

Well, Nadezhda Vasilievna, Your misery is over.

I got a job.

At school. Not a janitor!

Geography teacher. It is noble.

Now we're going to live large. That's like 7 thousand? 8?

I'll buy forty pairs of tights

I'll recognize my sweetheart by the tights. (mimics a folk song)

You're a clown.

She wears them in summer and in winter too.

I do not understand... How did I marry you?

- For love, Nadya... - Sure? - I can remember.

And what I remember is getting knocked up.

Miserale looser! The rug fell down.

Mom, where do dinosaurs live?

Nowhere.

On our balcony.

And dad said they're all extinct.

One, unfortunately, remains.

- Mom, the phone. - I'm not blind.

- For you! - For us? Thank you.

Attentively.

Mr. Sluzhkin?

- Yes. Who is this? - Tax police!

Look to the right! To the other right! Blind!

It's me, just across from you!

Budkin!

Bastard!

Vitus! My boy!

Come on in.

Nadiusha, this is the Budkin. My best deskmate.

And now, the best housemate! Maxim.

Vitus, can I use you bathroom?

I'm having my plumbing changed.

Wait, a housemate? You moved to Moscow 100 years ago.

Moscow is not made of rubber.

I was taking over the classroom from the deputy head teacher today.

17 globes, Perm region map,

And a portrait of our commander-in-chief! That's all.

You don't need anything else.

Don't worry, Vitus. If they kick you out for incompetence,

well, I'll take you as my suckretary.

I hesitate to ask. What do you do?

I am a corrupt official.

Got it. The same idiotic jokes as my husband's.

He's not kidding, he's confessing. Budkin is a big figure now!

Assistant to the deputy of the region. He'll be in charge of our culture.

Plus a small construction firm in the stepfather's name.

- See? All pluses. - Not like us. Right, Viten'ka?

Hello! Budkin is a swindler and I'm to blame?

You're just a slacker, Vitus. All you do is babble. Tatochka, am I right?!

Uncle, I see you for the first time and you're alrady calling me Tatochka!

Look, Vitus, your genes. A copy!

God forbid!

You broke it again...

My God.

Yes, it's me.

I've missed you.

Listen.

I've long wanted to offer you...

Let's finish with this.

It'll be more fair.

It's not interesting to me.

I don't want you.

And I do want you.

Find a lover and 'want' her.

Just so I don't know.

I don't want to find nobody.

Yeah, you don't want anything in life! Absolutely!

And I don't need anything from you either.

And I do not love you.

And I do.

Please!

Vitya.

Go sleep on the armchair... I beg you.

Good.

The morning is wiser than the evening.

It's not.

- Guten Tag, Kira Valeryevna! - Hello.

- You see the new geographer? - You bet. - And what is he like ?!

I would!

New Mrs. Geography Teacher!

Well, hello 10 'A' !

People, look the geographer disappeared.

The geographer's gone! Holed up!

Get out!

I'll show you! Look! Ready, let's fly! Huhuu!

-Vitya... -Sasha...

Geography.

I've always been bad at geography.

The capital of China? Rome. It's probably because I'm a woman?

Geographic imbecility is not gender-specific.

If I could just get away from this imbecility.

I'm full of it up to here.

Get away then! I guess, there's no lack of suitors?

I'd kill them all!

What suitors, Vit'!

15 women per one watchman.

Actually, there's one guy hitting on me.

Who?

A cop.

What a disgrace!

Go to dad, Tata.

Alexandra Stepanovna, may I leave earlier today?

You may not!

Not all the children have been picked up!

I said!

I wrote a letter to Budkin.

And I am your carrier pigeon!

An owl!

I wanted over the Internet, but ... a real letter is somehow... Want me to read?

- No need. - Your opinion is very important to me.

Maxim!

I'm very tired without you. I think our quarrel

was just a misunderstanding, an accident.

It started over nothing. If you think I'm to blame -

then I agree, and I apologise. You're very dear to me and I need you!

I'll wait for you forever. Come!

What do you say?

Laconic, poetic.

Dracula would've burst into tears. But not Budkin.

You're very dear to me and I need you! I'll wait for you forever. Come!

- Tell me how he reacts? - Uhu.

No, Vitus. I need a different kind of woman.

Sashen'ka... Sashen'ka, you know...

She would love anyone. Even with a naked butt and in a shack.

Shows up at my place in Moscow.

"Maxim, I can't live without you!"

And I have 3 chicks on my balance sheet.

You know. Some hanky-panky at night.

And in the morning - "Come on!.. To Perm'... Home... By plane..."

But if I'm the one with a naked butt, I'll stop respecting myself.

Know what kind of woman I need?

That appreciates the worldly goods too.

But doesn't chase them.

But still appreciates them!

Then search!

For the eaten borsch...

O! By the way. Let's eat something, eh?

Thanks, man. Won't bite.

For baiting.

Nadyush, hi. When is the lunch?

Easy, easy! Is this a restaurant or something?

I didn't cook anything.

You know - I live alone.

Nobody to love me. To feed me, to do the laundry.

Why don't you bring me your socks.

Listen, Vitus. Do you have any dry socks? Mine are wet.

Look in the closet.

Hey, kid!

Stop digging in my underwear, you freak!

Nadyush, he had the wrong shelf.

Let him do it at home!

Nor shame, nor conscience.

- Come on, Nadyush. - Get the paws off. Get him out.

- Nad'... - Get him out, I told you!

- Nad'... - What "Nadya"?

In our own home: can't nor sigh nor fart.

He checked in here, eats like a horse.

There's no water anyway.

Okay... I'll step out for 20 minutes.

I'll be back for lunch.

If she breaks your skull,

at the Last Judgment I'll swear

you'd fallen and cracked it yourself.

What a hubby.

Someone is groping his wife,

and he's standing there like a lemon.

Doormat.

He'll be undressing me tomorrow and you won't even squeak.

I'll squeak.

Nadyush, don't be so upset.

All is not lost yet.

You are young, beautiful.

It didn't work out with me - it will with someone else.

Whom will I find in this hole...

- And with a child. - You'll find somebody.

Not a doormat.

Maybe I should look for a new husband for you?

I have no one. Except Budkin.

-Can't stand that bastard. -He's not a bastard, he's a good man.

Its just ... Money and girls spoiled him.

I do not understand. What do they see in him?

All the same: car, apartment, bed

Nice kit.

Nadyush,

you have it all now, excluding a car, at your full disposal.

I knew you would say so.

Guys, I'm back.

As an apology. Porto. Portuguese.

Straight from Barcelona.

Barcelona is in Spain.

You know better, you have a geographer for a husband!

We are having a wake for him,

and he turns up with a bottle!

Open the map!

Let's try to divide the territory of our coutry into economic zones.

Hey. What was that?

Imagine they gave you our country as a present

and you started to revive production.

Are we writing again?

We wrote in literature, we wrote in English, we can't take it anymore!

You ruined everything and we have to revive?

Surname?

Chebykin.

Chebykin, look in the textbook. Is my surname there?

Don't look up. It's not there. So you're asking the wrong person.

- Gradusov, you asleep? - I'm not interested.

- And who is interested? Maybe me? - Then quit.

Yeah? And you will feed my kids and my dear old mom?

I will.

Let's put it this way: you give me money,

everybody gets an A,

and is free to get the hell out of this lesson.

Yeah! Yeah!

Put out a grand per desk!

-What? -That's it!

Write down: an economic region

is a region where a specific branch of industry dominates.

And what is the dominant branch here?

Prostitution!

What do you know about that, Gradusov? Share your personal experience with us.

What are you grinning about, jerks?

What plant do we have on the Kama River?

Transport machine building.

Excellent! Bonus.

Are you new?

No, Victor Sergeyevich, you're new. And Masha has been here since the first grade.

What is your name?

Bolshakova Masha. I was ill.

Very good.

That time of the month!

Gradusov! F!

Awesome, isn't it?

And what's so awesome about it?

Naden'ka, what do you know, huh?

It's so beautiful in the summer. Greenery.

Me and the boys always swim here naked.

Wieners out, he-he.

Just smart enough for that.

Mind you - you start drinking vodka, I'm not going back with you.

There you go again?

You put meat on the skewers.

I'll be back in three second. Wood is ready.

Help mom.

You think I'm your housewife, Budkin?

What did you expect? Men hunt mammoths

and women keep the fire in the hearth.

Let's look at the ships.

Careful!

As if I've never cut wood.

Here we are.

Here Nadyush, I poured us one each.

We are so grateful to our cooks, For feeding us with tasty foods.

Take it.

Quiet!

Trimester is almost over and you all have lots of D's.

Then put us all A's!

- Gradusov! - What? - Get up. - Why? - Get up, I say.

And stand for the whole lesson. Write down the topic.

Main industries in the petrochemical complex.

- And how am I supposed to write? - With your butt upside down.

New technology!

Barmin, get up.

It's Barmin.

- F. - For what?

- It's unfair, somehow! - Get up.

Name?

- I forgot. - What is his name?

- Celentano. - Mitrofanova. - Vorobyov.

Vorobyov - F!

Don't give an F to Vorobyov, he's in the hospital. This is Chebykin.

- Shut up, hen! - You're a hen!

Chebykin - F!

- And maybe I should stand too? - You will.

-Lawlessness! -Gradusov! D. Put the diary on my table.

- I forgot it at home. - Go home, get the diary, idiot.

I'm fine here.

Open up, Geographer! It will be worse!

Write down the topic of the lesson.

Geographer drank away the globe!

May I?

Of course, Kira Valeryevna, come in.

But I should remind you that the teachers' council

starts for everyone at the same time.

I apologise.

Second. Systematic tardiness...

Victor Sergeyevich, I was talking to you.

Yes... Attentively...

Guess the riddle, Kira Valeryevna!

It opens and closes, a hat breaks.

My daughter invented it.

The minute has passed. Correct answer: umbrella.

- Not by car today? - You too.

Well, the trick did not work. Then, a direct question.

May I walk you home?

And your daughter won't cry?

She is not used to it. Do you have children?

You want to know if I'm married or not?

I want to know it so badly I just can't sleep at night!

Sleep tight, I'm not married.

I don't know why, but that's exactly what i thought. Now I won't fall asleep at all!

What subject do you teach?

German.

Optional course.

So that's why you're so elusive.

- And you teach literature? - Geography, forgive me, God!

I heard you were selling grades for one thousand rubles.

I tried my best, you know the rest.

You're self-critical, I admit.

To make fun of yourself means deprive others of this opportunity.

Want to hear my poems?

There's a green oak by the bay

-No, I don't, thank you. -As you wish.

- My name is Victor Sergeyevich. - I remember.

Well, here we are. Thank you.

Can I ask one more direct question?

I have neither tea nor coffee at home.

Martian...

Idiot!

I will never be late again!

Dad's word of honor.

Hello, Victor Sergeyevich!

See? You're getting better at it.

Yes.

Tell them we don't have another hall. Only Philharmonia. I've never even heard this name.

I got it. Easy, easy, easy!

All right, bye!

Ministry of Health warns: smoking leads to impotence.

Give up on this, Vitus

Otherwise it will hang at 'half past five'.

Soon tobacco will go up tenfold.

They said it from above.

I'll smoke dry leaves then.

Or tea. Remember in third grade? Nadyush,

Vitus and I in third grade smoked two packs of tea!

- Georgian? - Ceylon! And then vomited from the ninth floor.

And where is Tata? Tata! Let's go!

Yelisei, not loosing courage, To the Wind's abode now hurried.

"Wind, O Wind! Lord of the sky!

Herding flocks of clouds on high, Stirring up the dark-blue ocean,

Setting all the air in motion. Unafraid of anyone

Saving God in heav'n alone.

Surely you'll not grudge an answer? Tell me, did you ever chance to

See the Princess I revere? I'm her fiance". "O hear!"

Said the Wind in turmoil blowing.

Where a quiet stream is flowing... "

Turn off the light and quietly go to sleep.

"Stands a mountain high and steep."

I remember it without the light.

"In it lies the cavern deep.

In this cave in shadows dismal

Sways a coffin made of crystal.

Hung by chains from pillars six. "

-Victor Sergeevich... -Kira Valeryevna.

-What, again a direct question? -I'd like to invite you to my B-Day.

-Birthday? -Yeah. Saturday night. Will you come?

-Will anybody else from school be there? -Good morning, Victor Sergeevich.

-Just you and me. -What size is your head?

Not measurable.

So, will you come, no?

Victor Sergeyevich, want me to fetch you a brewski? Be back in a jiffy.

Next time. The topic of the lesson.

Get your stuff, we're going to the port.

/Topic: This is our homeland, son!/

Don't fall behind!

Victor Sergeyevich, have you been anywhere else outside of Perm?

I went here and there, but a long time ago.

Take us somewhere, for example, to the south.

- No, fathers. The south is not within our budget. - And what is within our budget?

-Can't you see it's winter now? -We'll go in the spring, on May holidays!

They'll let us go, they'll be only glad to get rid of us.

Deal. Your next essay will be on this topic.

Who gets an A, I'm taking them on a hike.

An A? That's a rip-off.

Today we’ll talk about navigation on the Kama.

I warn you, this is not in the textbooks.

What do we need your navigation for then?

-The reason is that we live here, Ovechkin. -In the ass of the world.

You live here if you like, and I'm out of here after school.

Ovechkin is going to Hollywood. Dreams of becoming Brad Pitt.

Will Smith.

Hollywood is, no doubt, a sacred ideal.

So, the Kama...

Last one is a fool!

The world's first steamboat was built on the Hudson River in eighteen hundred - something,

and only 10 years later

here, on the river Kama, the first Russian steamer appeared.

-Well, Mashen'ka, everyone run away? -Victor Sergeyevich...

No offence. They just don't care.

-And you? -Do you care about it yourself?

A river like a river. Sure, beautiful...

How can I explain, Masha?

You know,

you and I, we live here in the midst of a huge continent.

We can say, in its very heart.

Here on the river

you feel like you're kind of at the end of the world.

You could sit in this boat and sail down the river.

Sail, sail, sail.

And get

to Australia, for example. Get the picture?

What does it look like?

Like Sun.

Like eternal explosion.

What can I give you - I don't know. Your road of life has just begun!

With all my heart I hope you will Befriend yourself a decent girl!

-Happy birthday, Vityuha! -Thanks.

-You've had enough, drunkard. -Take care of your son, woman.

-Vitya, come on, get up, let's dance. -Wait a second.

-What? -Listen...

-That chick.. -Kira Valerievna.

And how about her?

Nothing. Won't put out.

Maybe you didn't ask properly.

I even asked in German. She's a German teacher.

Vitya!

Give it a try...

Shoo! Shoo!

-Little house. -We are in the house!

Guten Tag! We haven't been introduced...

Maxim Vadimovych. Maxim is fine too.

Shall we dance?

...we just stand there in the cold... minus 40... five hours in a row...

Traffic police... We are like samurai.

To us!

Your traffic cop doesn't waste time.

-Let him sleep here tonight. -Why? -You will walk me home

We will put Shurup to sleep and ...

What a funny spidey. Crocodile?

Vitus, remember in tenth grade we made a light organ?

-"We"? I soldered it while he watched. -And who brought filters, bulbs?

/"Vladimirskiy Central" by Mikhail Krug playing/

...When you get 11 and an ace.

Excuse me.

Give way to the rhino!

A toast has ripened!

Cheers!

And what kind of prostitute did you bring here?

She's not a prostitute, she's a German teacher.

I invited her for myself. I'm a lonely man. In my prime.

A woman is the best gift. Questions?

Sashulya!

-Nadya! Let's drink. -Let's drink!

-Remember I told you about my cop? -Yes.

Well, there he is - Kolesnikov.

You rock, mother! And what about Budkin?

No... He doesn't notice me.

Kids, be careful! Don't step on aunt!

Vitya, some pioneers came.

-Hello. -Hi.

-Happy Birthday! -Thank you, come on in!

-Victor Sergeyevich... It's a bit late. -This is for you.

-What's that? -A little hint.

-A hint at the hike? -You guessed it.

And what else did you get?

Let's see. Two globes. One from the traffic police family,

This one is from the kindergarten head.

The hat is from a German teacher.

And an album with contemporary art of Perm

from the representative of the legislative power.

Stop. Wait a sec! Don't go anywhere!

-Let's go, I'm uncomfortable. -Wait, he'll get us a drink.

Vova, me and Shurup are leaving.

Sleep here tonight if you like. Vit'ka will walk us home.

Nadia, will you let him go?

I'll be glad to!

A woman is the best gift!

-Go, if you are so itchy. -Nad', he'll just walk us home.

Get the f*** out

Wow! In front of the kids.

Your Nadyuha is too much!

For someone - too much, for someone - nothing.

She drove you to this kind of life, I'm telling you.

-Well, you coming in? -Yeah.

Forgot my cigarettes. I'll go to the kiosk.

-I have some at home. -I'm used to mine.

-Then I'll put Shurup to sleep. -Right.

O! Hi.

It's me, your baby.

I hope, your birthday is over now?

Completely.

Happiness is not behind the mountains.

District Electoral Commission of Electoral District No. 3042

-I'll drop in at the teacher's room. -I'll be in the car.

It's me.

-Hi! Where have you been? -O! Work ... Hi.

Not a sound from you for two months. I began to worry.

Work, Vitus, work.

We can't talk while we're sober. Shall we celebrate the meeting?

Well, I can't. I'm driving.

You can watch how good I am at it. Now that we ran into each other.

Alright.

Well, come on, tell me why you don't come by.

I told you. Work.

Lies have short legs. Because of Nadya?

Why because of Nadya?

No need to lie to me.

I can see it.

What do you see?

She fell in love with you.

Right?

And you're running away from her. It's not nice.

Love her too?

Much?

Very much.

Vitus, it'd never happened to me before.

-You know how I am with women... -Have you been with her yet?

-With whom? -With Nadya.

Yes.

I'm sorry, Vitus.

I just don't know what to do.

Can you help?

You are the commander here.

The commander drank his dress-coat.

Then keep her on a chain.

I'm bad at keeping on a chain.

You're just giving her to me like that?

Just take.

She doesn't belong to me.

I can't, Vitus.

You're my friend.

We walked, walked,

and didn't get anywhere.

To friendship!

Here our students prepare for hikes.

Study the rules of safety in the mountains and on the water.

They learn to navigate the rivers of Perm region.

Ledyanaya, Chusovaya, Usva. Please come in.

We have a renovation underway here

and some smell, probably from the street.

Let's go to the second floor and have a look at the classrooms of geography,

physics, chemistry, I'll show you the labs.

-Oh, a kayak. -Yes. Sports equipment: catamarans, paddles, helmets.

It's me.

Where are you? I've been waiting for half an hour by the car.

Listen, Kira... Go without me, get a taxi, okay?

What ?!

We're stuck here with Vitus completely.

I got it.

Got offended.

-What are we going to do? -We finish the vodka and split.

First of all, decide it for youself, and don't worry about me.

-Hello. -Hello, Nadyush, it's me,

-Your husband Vitya. -What's next, Vitya?

I've just had a heart-to-heart talk with Budkin

and I decided to tell you that he loves you.

Are you drunk again?

Only a drunk man can love you, or what?

You freak!

And tell Budkin he's a moron and a blabbermouth.

She made it clear that she's very happy.

Nad'

Nad', don't cry

Vit'

let me go to him.

Please.

Of course, just don't cry.

You fell in love, I understand it.

I'm also torn apart by love.

To who?

To you.

To Tata

To Budkin, to Pushkin...

Gross! Know what? Let's take revenge on them right away!

I don't want to take revenge on anyone.

Vityush, don't pretend to be so noble-hearted around me.

You think I don't get along with anyone because I can't or don't want to?

I want and I can.

But I'd like to live like a saint, kind of.

-No screwing? -No, not that. -But saints can't screw.

Stupid! It's monks who can't. And not all saints were monks, see?

I mean something like that,

some modern secular saint, sort of.

So no one's happiness depended on me

and my happiness didn't depend on anyone.

But I would love people and people would love me.

Kind of...perfect love... With a capital letter L...

Are we going to screw or not?

No!

Your holiness's stopping you?

C'mon, c'mon! Make an effort!

-I'm telling you serious things, and you... -Come on, come on, come on.

-Only now I'm starting to understand myself. -Come on...

All right, I can't any more!

What a stallion you are! I almost flew into space.

Where're you going, you're not done yet!

Screw this!

You're happy and I'm happy. Let's go eat dumplings.

-Too bad you didn't finish. -I'm fine.

It's actually good.

Do you see how life itself

makes me a saint?

"Peace to Thee with the saints".

-Our geographer is a total loser, I'm telling you. -Wuss. -Stinking drunk.

Even his wife doesn't sleep with him, I heard it myself.

-From whom? -My aunt is his neighbor.

But she is screwing his best friend.

Who would sleep with him? Sorry-ass...

Impotent!

Scientists have developed a number of global forecasts

about human development in the near

and a distant perspective.

There are two different approaches.

-Can you slow down? -I can slow down.

... which can be said to be pessimistic and optimistic.

The King!

Don't tear it. It took me two weeks to mark this deck.

-You're a bastard, Gradusov. -We don't owe you anything anymore.

Cheating on your own men, it's all you're good for.

I can beat anyone without cheating.

Bet I could knock you out in one round.

And if I knock you out, what's in it for me?

Until the end of the year we'll be sitting in geography class like angels.

Agreed. And if I lose?

You take us on a hike.

And no more promises and lame excuses.

Accepted.

Gradusov, komm zu mir.

Gradusov, you lose, you're dead!

-One hundred on Gradusov. -Two rubles on Sluzhkin!

-You scoundrels. -Watch it, we're still kids.

I'm tired of you infinitely.

If I had my way,

I would kick you out of all the classes.

And I would walk along the streets in a gas mask

not to breathe the same air with you!

Whatever suits you best.

Why are you cheating, Gradusov?

You think I have buttons instead of eyes?

-I made a mistake! -He made a mistake.

I don't believe you. I don't believe any of you.

-Because you don't respect yourself. -Why, I respect myself.

Really? I punch you in the face, kick you in the butt, and you don't give a damn.

Nice statement!

I'm telling the truth to your face, and you don't even blush.

I take it.

-Hey, it's my turn! -Go ahead.

Not that you're not personalities, you're not even humans yet.

Embryos.

You are dough.

Stupid, spiteful, smelly mass

Devoid of any spiritual filling.

Not just geography, you don’t need anything at all.

Except for cell phones, porn and drugs.

And I haven't sniffed glue for a whole year!

-And your jokes are stupid and idiotic. -Why so?

Because your sense of humor has not developed.

A sense of humor requires culture, which you don’t have at all!

Beaten.

You think I'm ashamed that I'm playing cards with you during the class?

Not a damn bit!

And we even less.

I can't stand seeing you anymore.

You play your monkey tricks on me,

you think it offends me? I don't give a damn!

Because I don't even see you!

And I don't respect you!

Clear?

Yes, yes.

You lose.

Victor Sergeyevich, when are we going on a hike?

I keep my word, unlike you.

Those who get an A for the test will go on a hike.

What?

Quite fair.

Get lost. Thank you for the lesson.

Nice trick!

Scam!

Go on your shitty hike, morons!

Screw this hike!

I resign!

-Gradus, hurry up! -Gradus, ready or what?

Hold on.

Let them in!

The cloth is pissed.

Well, fathers?

Today we're having a test.

Topic: The Kama.

Just the Kama?

Just the Kama, Ovechkin. Collect all mobile phones.

Who gets an A goes on a hike in May.

But you do not have a chance.

That's not fair, Victor Sergeyevich!

No one will pass, we all ran away from the port then!

Not my problem! Ovechkin, I don't see your enthusiasm!

Kama

Caspian Sea

Volga

We are here

Volga-Don Canal

Don

Azov Sea

-What's in it? -Nothing.

Black Sea

I strongly recommend that all truants

pay attention to this scheme.

By continuing it mentally,

any advanced humanitarian

will effortlessly connect the Kama

with an overall picture of the world.

I emphasize: not with the world map, but with the picture.

Go for it.

What are you doing?

You jerk, Geographer.

Are you crazy or what?

I'm not a dog.

Are you coming?

And you know, until the sixth grade

I asked my parents to send me to Hogwarts school.

In England? I've heard about it.

No, Victor Sergeyevich, it is from "Harry Potter".

Minus one. See how old I am?

No, you're not old.

You're experienced.

Experience, Masha, is the wisdom of fools.

When did you fall in love for the first time?

In school.

No, in kindergarten.

Me too. But, I mean, for real.

Every love is real. At least, we think so.

But then it goes away. Like a bruise. Dissolves.

And you and your wife... It dissolved too?

A curious twist of conversation.

How did you meet?

At the university.

She was my student. The most banal story.

A post-graduate and a student.

And then?

They kicked me out of the department because... Anyway, they kicked me out.

We came here. My home city. That's all.

-And she went with you? -Yeah, like a wife of a Decembrist.

At least, now we both know that I ruined her life.

And yours? Did you ruin yours?

No.

I am a very happy...

-Victor! Wait, please.

-... person.

Alright. From here, Ovechkin will accompany you. Ovechkin! Komm zu mir.

I really need you!

-Good-bye, Victor Sergeyevich. -Bye, Mash.

Have a nice evening!

Ovechkin, guard her with your life!

Can I ask you a direct question?

I've nothing to do with this girl, except geography classes.

I don't care, Vitya. Have you seen Budkin recently?

-He doesn't come by? -Rejects my calls.

-Does he have anyone? -Of course - my wife.

-Don't joke around. -I'm not kiddind, everyone knows he sleeps with her.

And you're saying this so calmly?

And what can I do? They love each other.

And does Budkin know you know?

Of course, we're friends!

Here, drown your sorrows.

Will you walk me home, please? I have great coffee.

So you haven't slept with your wife since God knows when?

-Temporarily suspended from the Body -Temporarily?

And how do you live without sex?

What?

Find a yourself a lover, Vit'. Why torture yourself?

Got the message.

And how about Budkin? The Great and Terrible...

Let Budkin sleep with your wife.

Admit it, you arranged it yourself?

No, I just didn't interfere.

You're lying.

If a wife refuses to sleep with you for a long time

the best way to show her your contempt

is to put her under someone else.

To get back at Budkin.

I guess you're tired of his little romances?

Promiscuity.

So you got your revenge.

Made him feel guilty.

And I got slapped upside the head for being such a shrew.

"You don't want to sleep with me?

You cant't have Budkin either, little bitch!"

Good job, Geographer! One shot - three bunnies!

Bravo!

You described me

as if I were Machiavelli.

Okay, Machiavelli.

Unfold the sofa, the linen is in the closet, I'm going to the bathroom.

Vitya! I know everything!

You hear me? I know everything!

Then tell me

the score of the 1978 game

between Spartak and Zenit.

What?

You say you know everything.

Budkin betrayed us.

Both you and me. He is with your Nadya now.

-I’ll be damned! -Can you be serious?

Sashulya, I'm trying, I'm trying my best.

Vitya, I really, really want you

to come to me today.

For the whole night, until the morning. Will you come?

Promise me you'll come. I'll die without you!

Can it be tomorrow?

Anytime, Vitia. I'm always waiting for you.

Go take a shower.

Like this. Easy, easy. More gently! Now release. See, it's going by itself.

Now press the accelerator a little.

Gently.

Look, Tatochka, our mom is a Schumacher, isn't she?

Victor! Victor!

Open! Vitya!

Steer up there. Yeah, like that.

Answer already. Slow down... Yes, here.

Yes.

Alive.

Wasted, bitch.

The eternal explosion

Just WATER

-What is it? -Nothing special.

They'll put him in prison They'll put him in prison

For the dead kids.

We're going on a hike!

No, but where's the food? -Hi, fathers!

Hello. You're late. We have 5 minutes left.

We thought you wouldn't come at all.

-Teachers always screw everything up. -That's for sure.

Form single rank!

It's not a PE class!

It's worse. I'm counting to one or we're not going.

One. Ok. Goodbye, have a good trip.

No, Victor Sergeyevich, wait.

We are ready!

Well...

Mitrofanova, where are you going, on a hike or to a nightclub?

And you, ignoramuses, what are you doing here?

I see. From now on...

we are under martial law. Girls too.

I appoint myself commander.

I'm the one who makes all the decisions.

And what are we, a herd?

You said it. Is it clear to everyone?

Jawohl, mein Führer.

What year were you born?

Well, '97.

-Like everyone else here, right? -Yes.

So if you don't listen to me

the second date will be the same for everyone too.

And I'd like to remember you

young, vibrant, healthy, blooming. Is it clear?

-Can't hear you! -Yes! All right!

May I?

Free vestibule, in a free country.

I guess, you hate me.

I hated you too.

But then I got used to you.

We are somewhat similar.

Anyway. I came to help you.

Because they're all whimps and loosers. Especially that Luska Mitrofanova.

Don't believe me? Then I'll get sloshed to spite you all.

Leave me some. I'll get sloshed too.

Really?

Cross my heart and hope to die!

To freedom!

We are just simple people.

Come on, no need to sweat it,

And things will get better.

Your wife will be a beauty.

And we live in Russia.

And we kind of like it.

We are just simple people.

Come on, no need to sweat it.

Said the Wind in turmoil blowing.

Where a quiet stream is flowing.

Stands a mountain high and steep.

In it lies the cavern deep.

In this cave in shadows dismal

A coffin-coffin-coffin!

Sways a coffin made of crystal.

And now, my fair maiden, I want to marry you!

Marry! Marry! Marry!

Victor Sergeyevich!

We've arrived.

Arrived?

Where are we?

Read.

Give me a light.

-Did I get very drunk? -Hardcore.

Anybody see?

Listen, Geographer,

we deposed you from the command for boozing.

We don't need drunken commanders, is it clear?

Uhu.

And now we'll be calling you simply "Geographer".

And we decide everything ourselves. Right?

No phone signal too.

Erotic.

One boy in our village also sailed, sailed...

and drowned.

Because he was a jerk.

-Paddle harder. -Geographer, feeling bad, huh?

And I'm all right. Like I ate some vitamins.

-Fathers, don't paddle deep. Save your strength. -Who are you?

-You're not our commander, don't boss around! -And who's the commander now?

Why do we need commanders? We're all commanders here! Anarchy!

-May I? No, you may not! -May I give an advice? -No!

We're gonna get killed now.

Jerks, paddle!

Pull right!

Pull left! Back right! Tyutin, don't sleep!

Tyutin, the paddle!

Catch the victim!

Come on, pull him.

To the bank! To the bank!

What do you mean "To the bank!"? Paddle on!

Tyutin is half-dead

He was drowning in the water

The stream took his paddle

But Sluzhkin, where is he?

On the stern!

But they'll put him in prison!

They'll put him in prison

They'll put him in prison

For killing the kids

They'll put him in prison

They'll put him in prison

For killing the kids

Lyusen'ka.

Why don't you get drunk?

Bite me, Demon, it won't work.

Mash, one drop of vodochka. To warm up.

One boy in our village got drunk on vodka. And died!

Good boy.

What shall we drink to?

Let's drink to Geographer.

He didn't wimp out and really took us on a hike.

Cheba, take it to Geographer.

Screw this alcoholic.

-Run, Cheba! -Okay, I'm going, I'm going!

Victor Sergeyevich. Please.

Thanks, Chebykin. Go Chebykin.

What are you laughing at?

Did you pour me one?

-Mash, let's walk a bit more? -No. I want to sleep.

-Mash, lie here. -No, not at the feet.

Lusen'ka...

Get your prostheses off, you jerk!

I'll smack you in the mincer,

you'll become Lusen'ka yourself. Dork.

Victor Sergeyevich, it's an A!

Oh, that is erotic!

Gradusov, take over the watch!

One minute.

Hand me my boots.

Take your hands off.

Mash, what's wrong?

Nothing, get your hands off.

-Is it because of the geographer? -None of your business.

I can't, it got caught.

Cheba, hold the girls.

Push off, push off!

Hold on!

Hold on! Hold on, I said!

Give me the axe! Who's got the axe?!

Egorov, give him the axe.

You fool! Where are you're going ?!

It's moving, all right! Ovechkin! Ovtsa, jump!

Ovchina, jump! Now!

Are you some kind of Pinocchio who doesn't sink?

Gradus, come on! Paddle! Paddle!

Ovechkin, komm zu mir.

Here's what I want to tell you, Alexei.

You shouldn't have taken the risk on the river today. It was stupid.

Masha is not Lyuska.

She doesn't need your heroic deeds.

And I don't need prison.

And you don't need a cozy coffin. Clear?

Lesson's over.

And what are you doing with an axe?

Come on.

Well, come on.

Just water.

Fathers!

People!

Geographer, goddammit.

Nit! Ran away, bitch! Ditched us!

Guys, we're all going to die here!

Don't whine, you fool. I see him, I'll kill the bastard.

Enough fussing around. We need to make a raft.

With what? All axes are on a boat.

With knives! Victim! Collect the knives.

Mitrofanova, get the scissors.

-Mitrofanova, harder! -I'm pulling!

This is some kind of bullshit, not a raft.

Bormann, go and gnaw down a fir-tree.

Geographer. Guys... It's Geographer...

I'll kill the bitch!

What are you grinning about, you moron?

Victor Sergeyevich, are you a prick?

I'm working towards that, Mitrofanova.

There’s more to come!

Don't grin! We'll write a report on you, you're going to the joint.

I agree. Just make a fire first. I'm a bit chilled.

Make it yourself.

You are under punishment, Geographer. Now you'll always be on duty.

And don't give him vodka!

At least give me a cigarette.

Yeah, right now!

Shush!

Well, fine.

You just have to repeat ten times that you are a jerk.

Dirtbag.

I'm a jerk.

I'm a jerk.

I'm a jerk.

I'm a jerk.

Hey, wait!

Catch Geographer!

-Moron, where are you going? -Jerk!

-Catch the jerk. -I'm a jerk!

I'm a jerk!

Quit strumming! This sucks enough as it is.

I'm not going on a hike anymore.

I thought I'd relax here

and we're like in a coal mine.

What's the use?

When I get home and tell my folks how it was,

they won't let me out the door anymore.

You get home first, and then talk.

Dolgan is ahead.

And the dead can't talk.

And Geographer is drunk every day.

He's just tired.

So tired, that you can smell his boozy breath three kilometers away.

Is he sleeping or simulating?

In the astral plane. Faker.

He just doesn't care.

He feels like drinking - he gets drunk, he feels like sleeping - he sleeps,

he feels like...

He thew us like puppies into the water. "Get out as best as you can!"

He is responsible for us, right?

Be responsible for yourself, pretty-boy.

-Piss off! -You piss off!

-What was here before? -A loo.

Too luxurious for a loo.

Great tribes lived here

which humanity has long forgotten about.

Some princes,

priests, warriors, poets.

They were building something, digging channels.

They fought, they loved, coused troubles to each other.

All kind of things. And everything's gone.

I found it!

No need to yell.

I found it! Check it out.

A tooth of a prehistoric animal.

(Picked up some shit again)

-Show me. -Saber-toothed tiger?

O! Congratulations!

Fossilized mammoth shit.

Which should not be mentioned at the table.

I told you it was a loo.

They shat across the country Many years ago.

Son-of-a-bitching mammoths Let them bugger off.

Our dear ancestors shat in our sneakers

We don't really care, We drive a motorcycle.

Victor Sergeyevich

Are you afraid of death?

I am.

Why?

I got used to life.

You know why it's mostly young people

who get sent to the army and to war?

Because they're young, healthy.

Because they're stupid and not afraid of death yet.

-Ideal cannon fodder. -But this is not fair.

Of course.

Life is not fair at all.

And what to do?

Try to be happy.

Are you trying?

Turning myself inside out!

Victor Sergeyevich,

how good it is just to sit here with you.

Look at the fire

It could've been like that from the start. Every evening.

And you're drunk all the time,

you say stupid things,

clown around with the boys.

You have to control yourself.

It'll be better for everyone. For you,

and for others.

And...

Good night.

On these rapids May 7, 1967 tourist Sergei Dolganov died tragically

So young.

Only 23.

Today is also May 7th.

I hope they won't put a second plate with our names.

Fear, Commander Bormann, forces a person to learn ardently.

Today's lesson: Dolgan rapids. Let's go.

Clear?

Victor Sergeyevich.

What?

I'm not sure.

Maybe you should run the catamaran?

Barmin, you will.

And remember, the commander's place is on the right side of the stern.

I'll be next to you. Fathers!

If anyone's scared they can walk along the bank.

Get ready for lunch.

I'm going to the village to arrange transport and will be back soon.

Tomorrow morning we're starting out for Dolgan.

Is the program clear?

Yes, Viktor Sergeyevich.

Anyone want to come with me for company?

- How long? - We'll be back in three hours.

Nah, we'll have nap time.

I'll go with you.

-Masha... -You don't have to, Masha.

Viktor Sergeevich, forgive me.

For what?

939

For what I told you yesterday.

And, you know... We're going home tomorrow

And I have a feeling that I wasted all this time.

Take ...Ovechkin.

He's doing everything right.

But I don't love him.

And I have realized that

it'd be easy for me to fall in love with you. You're a teacher.

And schoolgirls I guess always fall in love with their teachers.

Maybe you just felt bad,

and I started moralizing. Stupid.

The moral

of this fable is...

Victor Sergeyevich, you don't love me?

I do, Masha.

Very much.

I will not be able

to live without you.

You will.

WE SELL LARD, MILK, CHEESE, QUARK

Sorry, Masha, there is no village.

Everyone's gone.

Mashenka, get up. Get up, girl.

You'll freeze.

Heat... Masha... heat...

Undress.

We have to take off the clothes to warm up.

Masha! Masha, Masha!

Come on! Live!

Come on! Live! Live!

Victor Sergeyevich,

warm up yourself.

I won't die anymore.

I love you.

Get warm!

Warm up, Masha!

I love you.

I love you too, Masha. Sleep.

Everything will be fine.

"Wind, O Wind! Lord of the sky! Herding flocks of clouds on high,

Stirring up the dark-blue ocean, Setting all the air in motion.

Unafraid of anyone Saving God in heav'n alone.

-Masha! Where are you going? -The guys are waiting for us.

Victor Sergeyevich, the boys are coming up to the rapids.

What?

F***!

Don't panic!

Did they get through?

Two more.

We'll get smashed now!

Harder!

Can't believe it...

Viktor Sergeyevich...

Wait, wait...

Viktor Sergeyevich... They'll all die...they'll get smashed...

Are we alive?

Guys, we're alive.

They got through it...

Jerks.

And I haven't called mom in a thousand years.

Ovechkin Production presents:

We're going on a hike

But Sluzhkin, where's he?

Hungry is our mouth

And our asses wet

But they'll put him in prison!

They'll put him in prison

They'll put him in prison

For killing the kids

They'll put him in prison

They'll put him in prison

For drinking with kids

There you go!

I hope, Victor Sergeyevich, I don't need to explain

that this is nothing but a criminal case.

You're lucky that we don't want to tarnish the name of our school.

Please submit your resignation to the headmaster immediately.

Clown.

Dude! Throw the ball.

O! Victor Sergeyevich, hello!

-Hey, fathers! -Hello! How are you?

-Couldn't be better! How about you? -Great.

-Where do you work now? -Well... It's not important.

- Line up! - Goodbye, Viktor Sergeyevich.

Bolshakova, bye!

Be happy!

Goodbye, Victor Sergeyevich.

Well... Good luck, Victor Sergeyevich!

Oh! Thanks!

Let's go, Tatusha.

Dad, what is important?

What?

You said "It's not important". And what is important?

Well...

It is important to have a smoke now. And I don't have any.

BLACK TEA

A gray dove is flying by

with his lady

lady dove

A young dashing lad is walking...

Mom, where's dad?

Vitya!

Who?

You know who you are?

Freaking clown!