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Perception's a funny thing.

Ain't it?

Normal childhood, me.

St. Helier's hospital. South London. November the 14th. '87.

I never believed in all them horoscopes and things

but by my accounts that makes me a Scorpio.

Me mother always said I had a sting in my tail.

Holiday to Southend, man, lovely time!

Jolly. Real serene.

Arcade games, waltzers, ball pits, the lot!

It was Bill Porter I liked that day.

Punched him in the arm. Bruised my skin!

My tender skin.

I can't recall Jonathan much.

Gelled hair, Ben Sherman, loafers, rosy cheeks.

We used to swap saliva in the cupboard under the stairs.

We was only seven.

8, 9, 10 - ready or not here I come!

21! Black eye now. A shiner.

Tried to do me over. Called me a fag. You calling me a fag!?

You slag, with your doner kebab in hand.

Nice bag. Leather. Pretty. Petticoat Lane, thanks for asking.

Summer of '94 now.

But I'll beg your fuckin' pardon, Eric looked good!

In them shorts...

I always liked tugging the back of his hair.

Me, I always had a curly barnet. 'Curly Sue' at college.

No centre-partings, no curtains for me. No Peter Andre's 'Mysterious Girl'.

Mysterious boy?

Not even if I tried with all the Sellotape in the world to straighten it out.

Maybe straighten me out.

But mornings are for painting your toenails.

Until your old man storms in the room and sees what you're up to.

I know what you're thinking.

Time for a hiding. Clipped ear. Get called a poof!

You can't do that in here! Not anywhere!

But I already told you.

Perception's a funny thing.

My old man painted my toenails with me.

He was a good man my father, see.

Still is.

Mum was too. Still is.

My sister too. Nice dresses.

Plenty of leg.

Short number was my favourite.

Holiday to Gibraltar now!

Dad's moving up in the world. Fuck off Southend!

Gibraltar! Gibraltar! Gibraltar!

That's where I met him.

My first.

Don't remember his name. Ed something...

Eduardo, maybe.

I sucked him off behind a chippie.

Pencil moustache, chiselled jaw.

Came all down my chin like a true fucking gentleman.

Proper.

Then things went south.

Dad gets beaten to a pulp.

Broken eye socket.

He said to the cunt:

If my son wants to dress like Liza-fucking-Minnelli,

then he'll dress like Liza-fucking-Minnelli!

He was a good man, my father, see.

Still is.

And mornings are still for painting your toenails.

Normal childhood, me. My family tree like a wall of arms

protecting me.

Perception's a funny thing.

Ain't it?

It was then that the fight against Marxism and degeneracy...

became our target for the first time.

I, just a mere unknown, swore to start this struggle...

and not rest until these diseases have been eradicated from German life.

Sieg Heil.

That's not what we agreed on!

It just looks too plain

and we were very specific.

Hansi, another quarrel with Madam here.

Darling, it's more Nellie Melba than Marlene Dietrich

But if that's what you want, who am I to say no?

Is that what you want?

Well then! Go forth and be free!

But that's not what we agreed on.

Gert, don't be such a tyrant.

Fine.

You need to decide about the magician.

Do I?

Do people even still care?

What's wrong?

We're only half as full as last night.

Is it any wonder with everything going on outside?

Come come, don't sulk about it, Gert.

We've survived far worse.

Do you want me to stay?

You're not wearing your uniform!

I thought they were mandatory.

I haven't seen you in six months

The Reichstag fire last night...

What about it?

They're saying it was the Communists...

Now that's original!

I'm not saying it.

And what's that supposed to mean?

That you shouldn't go out on stage tonight.

Nonsense!

They've already started making arrests.

Anyone who's been slightly critical.

Only slightly?

They're...

They're angry.

"They". "They" you say.

Like you're not one of them.

I don't want to fight.

You have to leave Berlin.

So no quick fuck then?

Take me seriously!

I'll do that when you stop with this nonsense.

I'm not 19 anymore, Hans.

And I'm not freezing in some doorway waiting for you to save me.

True. That boy would have never...

Never what?

What!

The order came in this afternoon.

"Protective custody"?

Who do I need protection from?

Who knows about this?

No one yet.

I feel like you're threatening me.

You've made many people angry.

That's what this theatre is for.

Come on, Hansi.

Why don't you go and stay with your brother in the country?

Until things here have settled down.

And then what?

Come back and sing songs again about Frau Hitler and Frau Hess fucking?

Stop it!

I don't want you to get hurt.

Too late for that don't you think.

You don't know these people like I do.

But I know you.

I won't be able to help you then.

I don't remember asking you for help.

It's just an opportunity for our country.

For some wealth and some self-worth.

Oh spare me the slogans, Ulrich!

I'm not some naive housewife.

Don't you want to build something?

At what price?

I know they're not perfect, but...

We need to be part of something!

Helping the country recover is more important than...

Than what?

Than what? Say it!

I should have left you to die in that doorway...

but now it's too late.

You don't mean that.

What a waste of my time you've been.

- Was that Ulrich? - William, darling! Welcome!

Welcome! Good evening, young man.

Good evening, Frau Hansi.

I love your show!

He loves my show!

Yes, yes, yes. Very sweet.

What did Ulrich want?

You know Ulrich...

Ever the drama queen.

He wants me to leave Berlin.

He's right.

Ulrich stopped being right six months ago.

I take it you've read this?

I don't read that rubbish.

"Reichtag fire decree:"

"The constitution of the German Reich is suspended until further notice."

I know.

"It is therefore permissible to restrict the rights of personal freedom."

- "Freedom of expression..." - Yes I know.

"Freedom of the press. Freedom to organize and assemble..."

Yes William, I know!

This includes you.

It's my job.

With all due respect Hansi, you won't have a job at all if they shut the club down.

Are you ready?

Don't I look ready?

You look marvelous but we need to hurry.

You are not seriously going to get up on stage and sing this song!?

Why shouldn't I? People love it.

Hansi.

You need to be cautious.

Do I?

"Be cautious".

That phrase, William.

It's plagued me my entire life.

I thought you were better than that.

William thinks I shouldn't sing the song about Frau Hitler and Frau Hess.

But why? People love that song.

I do too!

But people also love the foxtrot.

They do? I hate the foxtrot!

Ladies, gentlemen and everything in between!

Dear faggots, dykes and children of the night.

Femmes and butches!

It's time once again...

for the one...

the true, the insatiable...

Frau Hansi Sturm!

Hansi!

For a man, who hates...

a faggot's dance and song,

as does love a man, in uniform.

Bravo!

Hitler thinks his moustache, would hide what's in his head.

Perhaps he should try a beard instead.

For if only this dictator would illustrate his lust,

maybe these frauleins would see...

they're one of us.

My darlings, I must apologise...

I want to sing something else for you tonight.

Oh, don't be like that! Frau Hansi loves... the foxtrot!

Play "Fairies"!

Do you believe in fairies?

Darling...

Darling!

Hansi, it was just a song.

Leave me!

Yoohoo!

The twins are here!

Enchantée mein Herr.

Good evening, Ludi.

Oh William! I didn't see you there.

My God, you're dressed like my father.

Hansi darling, you must do something about that ghastly bar man.

I think he's a Nazi...

Whoever holds onto whisky like that can't really be anything else.

By the way Hansi.

You look beautiful. As always.

Whatever happened to the Frau Hitler song?

- Ludi... - What!?

Everybody loves the Frau Hitler song.

Well, well, well...

Aren't we as silly as punch tonight?

Making fun of fascists is no longer allowed.

Says who?

William.

Says your government, actually.

William, William, William... Such a serious boy.

Is it because of the fire?

They arrested some poor young Dutch boy.

It doesn't hurt to change things a little sometimes.

At least until things have settled down.

Being cautious, you mean?

Just until things have settled down.

- We don't need to be fighting all the time. - What would you know about fighting?

When have you ever had to fight for anything?

That's not fair.

And me, Hansi?

Does the Jew know something about it?

Listen. I'm sorry darling.

I just don't think you understand what it means to hear your own tribe say:

"Be cautious".

We do understand, Hansi. We do.

What 'being cautious' really means is: 'censor yourself'.

- I just thought... - I'm too old to be cautious.

I'm too old to be made to feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Because I'm not.

None of us are.

Sorry Hansi.

Come here.

Uli!

Where have you been?

The Party Office has given us new orders.

So? I know.

They already called! Bla bla bla.

I've been waiting to visit that rotten theatre for a long time.

That fire was a godsend!

Huh?

Come on, we're just getting ready!

Do you remember when we first met?

He was always hanging out in the "Cosey Corner" looking for dates

and always wearing these ugly old suits.

What is wrong with my suits?

It's not what's wrong with them, the question really is

what's right with your suits?

You were so out of your depth.

Well I think I've improved.

Thanks to me, immeasurably darling.

Except I just can't talk you out of these suits.

Why don't you just wear something a little more fabulous!

You know, of all my times here,

I think I've enjoyed our trips to Rügen Island the most.

Rügen Island!

What secrets she keeps!

Why don't we take a little trip?

All of us, together, somewhere we can make new secrets.

Yeah, why not? Stefan has that little house on Crete...

He always said we could use it.

We could spend the summer there! Or we could all go out of Berlin,

We should get out of Berlin.

Speaking of Rügen,

remember Ulrich on the train, eating that ice cream?

When I was 33...

I worked in a factory, making screws and bolts.

It was the worst job I've ever had.

Even worse than being in the army.

I was working there when I first met Ulrich.

He was such a wretch!

You're all too young to remember the revolution of '19.

Red Rosa and the barricades.

It was so exciting. We thought everything would change.

It did. A little.

Not quite how I wanted it to, but...

When I was young, you couldn't do what we do now.

You couldn't be open like this, not even a little bit.

Then the Twenties happened and

I was so happy that Ulrich wouldn't have to go through what I went through.

That he could be whatever he wanted.

I was so happy that you young people

wouldn't have to fight the anger and the hatred like we had to.

I've had a lot of men in my time.

Not as much as I would have liked to, but...

Ulrich...

He was the love of my life.

I'm sorry darlings!

Listen to me...

You're right!

We could all use a little holiday.

I'll take a photo!

And...

Let's go. Let's go to Greece!

- Mazel Tov! - Tonight!

- Are you sure? - Of course!

It'll be an adventure.

I don't think we can afford that.

Don't be silly, it's my treat.

Really?

Of course!

William, go with them to my apartment, get my things. I have cash there.

Darling, won't you come with us?

I have things to sort out here.

- Let Gert do it. - No, he has so much to do.

- But he's going to be at the theatre anyway. - Darling...

We'll meet at my apartment in a few hours.

Now go. Go go go!

Seig Heil!

Do you really want to do this?

Go.

Go to Etta and the Baby.

Fuck them!

Fuck them.

Ladies. Gentlemen. And everything in between.

My friends and my comrades.

Behold... Frau Hitler!

The Lavender Song!

What makes them think they have the right

to say what God considers vice?

What makes them think they have the right

to keep us out of Paradise?

They make our lives hell here on earth,

poisoning us with guilt and shame.

If we resist, prison awaits.

So our love does not speak it's name.

The crime is when love must hide.

From now on we'll love with pride.

We're not afraid to be queer and different.

If that means Hell, well hell, we'll take the chance!

They're so straight, all tied up, tight and rigid.

They march in lockstep, we prefer to dance.

We see a world, of romance and of pleasure.

All they can see, is sheer banality.

Lavender nights are our greatest treasure.

Where we can be just who we want to be.

Round us all up...

Out! Everybody out! This theatre is closed!

Proud, unafraid.

In fact we almost pity you.

You rotten faggot!

There are many reasons why I am not grieved, O men of Athens

at this vote of condemnation.

The hour of departure has arrived.

And we go our ways.

Why are you doing this?

There comes a time, Ulrich...

when you have to decide who you really want to be.

Here he is.

Yes, darling, here I am.

Darling, your breath.

It's over for you people.

Over!

Darling, but we all know that's not true.

We are dancers after all.

We always have been.

And we always will be.

What's your name?

Um... Felix.

I'm Vincent

Been seing you here a couple of times. Mostly on weekends if I remember right.

Yeah...

I'm in boarding school.

Well, that sucks.

It's alright.

Pretty sure we went to the same elementary school, you and I.

You went to Sainte-Marguerite?

Exactly, Sainte-Marguerite.

I saw you earlier, you know.

Staring at me...

Did you ever fool around with a boy?

Never?

Come over here.

What the fuck are you doing?

Just let this happen, man.

Relax. Don't fight it.

What the hell...

Don't fight.

It's ok.

Keep it.

See you later, Felix.

MY DAD WORKS THE NIGHT SHIFT

Are you gonna keep wearing those earrings all weekend?

Well...

If I don't, the hole will shut.

Hey, dad.

I was wondering...

How big is seven inches?

Is that for school or something?

Yup.

Well...

To give you an idea, it's about...

This long.

You want more, don't you?

Yes

Did you see what I sent you?

No...

Go take a look.

I saw you in the pool earlier.

It got me so hard.

Look, it's back!

Come on, feel it!

What do you do when I'm not here, Felix?

What do you want me to say?

You know damn well.

I don't need to tell you everything I do...

I'm sorry?!

Under my roof, yes you do!

How old is this boy?

You know what, dad?

Your seven inches...

They felt more like five.

I wanted to apologise for earlier.

I know I've been a jerk.

Felix?

END

In memory of Julie Viau.

You scream, you're out. Okay?

Ready?

C'mon defend yourself!

Take it! Roll with the punches!

We need strong men onboard. C'mon!

Fight, c'mon fight, punch them.

Okay stop it, go back to your mum.

Anyone else?

When my dad caught me

he wrote a message on my rolling papers;

"Dobbiamo parlare"

We need to talk.

He was a sailor as well.

You were born on a boat?

And I never stepped ashore.

You coming?

Vengo vaffanculo!

Midnight under the pier - G

Has it been here for long?

He must have been thrown out by fishermen a few days ago.

- You only need one day to finish it. - Someone would have killed it anyway.

- It was a matter of time. - Are you ashore for long?

I don't know.

Until the turbine is fixed.

It gives us time to have some fun but...

this harbour stinks of loneliness.

There’s no one here?

Only fools with no perspective.

Why do you want to join our crew?

I haven't seen much you know...

Only men and shores that look alike.

Where you goin'?

Listen.

You wanna work at sea. But you don't want to get wet?

Giuseppe...

Giuseppe!

Giuseppe!

Giuseppe!

Figlio di puttana!

Giuseppe!

Cazzino.

Listen.

It starts ashore but hazing really starts in the middle of the sea.

When you're aboard, your only way out is miles of water.

Before it starts, they give you signs.

They leave pictures of naked chicks.

You're in need, it doesn't help.

They're in need as well and will take advantage of it.

You find your cabin in a bad state. And then you find yourself in a bad state.

And you? In all this? You've nothing but your dick and your knife.

So you learn to fight...

Like this. Like this. Like this.

And you shut them up.

These sirens mask thousands of guys who sail without ever stepping ashore.

They’re dying in ships' engine rooms...

trying to see a horizon they’ll never reach.

Giuseppe?

Are you sleeping?

How did you not choke?

C'mon.

Ready?

Giuseppe?

You're on your own now.

There's no one to pull strings for you.

So? Is he a good lay at least?

Ready?

Stop staring at me.

I have to feed my mind for when I see nothing but men and water.

You’ll see my nasty face every day.

We're the same now.

It's not because you put up with three blows that you're a sailor.

How did you do it then?

I'll have all the time to learn aboard.

We're still ashore for the moment.

We meeting with the crew tonight?

We're not good here?

I thought we could get drunk.

They have a game onboard.

The number of sips you drink is the number of days since you didn't fuck.

Don't turn that over.

You and I, we'll go far away from here.

You will...

but not like this.

I... I'm nothing but a sailor

You've got time.

Go fuck yourself!

Vaffanculo.

You got time. - G

Where'd Sheldon go?

Look, look, here's me.

Can you see me?

I can see me.

What is wrong with you, what is wrong with you?

You should have seen last night.

- What, what happened? - My friend got proper drunk.

- Really? - Woke up

with half of her head shaved.

- Oh no! - His head was shaved!

How, how do ya even do that?

Yo!

- What you saying? - What are you saying?

- Yo, you good? - Yeah mate, how are you?

Yeah I'm alright!

Was you not in school today?

I didn't see you at all.

Bunked it!

Yeah man!

Tommy, roll a spliff yeah?

- Yeah, of course. - There's the baccy.

- Tommy! - What, yeah.

I can't tell if it's better

than that stuff we had yesterday.

- Is it new stuff then? - Yeah, off that Timothy guy.

Do ya reckon this summer's

gonna be as good as last summer?

Yeah, good man.

- Better? - Yeah.

I bet it's fucking freezing!

Go on, open your eyes!

I can't, I can't even open them!

I think Tommy wants to join in!

Shut up, Stefan.

Fuck's sake.

Fuck!

Turn it over, turn it over.

Someone turn it over.

It's a dead fucking duck.

Scarper, scarper!

It's cold.

Are you okay?

Were you at Conor's again?

Yeah.

I've had a horrible day.

There were an accident.

Mr. Young had fallen out of bed.

Found him on the floor.

Going online for a bit.

Don't be long.

Come on now Tommy, you know Andy always calls at 11.

- But Mum... - Don't argue.

Does it work, can you see me?

I see you.

♪ Shine the headlight ♪

♪ Straight into my eye ♪

♪ Like the roadkill ♪

♪ I'm paralyzed ♪

♪ You see through my disguise ♪

♪ At the drive in ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

♪ Pull the lever ♪

♪ Break the fever ♪

♪ And say your last goodbyes ♪

So what do ya have to say for yourself?

Well, yeah I really want to make a film about us,

- everyone. - Everyone.

Hey erm..

Hey!

Do you um..

Do you think I look like,

like really...

straight at the moment?

I just feel like I could gay it up a bit or something.

I just feel like I look really straight.

Shh.

Let's go again.

Okay but this time you have to actually keep it down.

Why?

Cos of Rachel.

Wait your sister's there? She's here right now?

Yeah obviously she is here right now. Why wouldn't she be?

We were so loud!

You were so loud!

Yeah, I know!

Okay so you need to pass it to the other people in red.

Yeah on my team, I know.

Yeah but you keep passing it to me.

You just went in front of me!

Yeah that's the point. I'm trying to get a goal.

- I know... - When I press..

Okay I'm gonna go outside and have a cigarette.

What, are you annoyed?

No I'm not annoyed. I'm just like, we always play Fifa, I just...

Like why can't we play like a, la team game.

Like Animal Crossing? We should play Animal Crossing,

and then you don't have to beat me and gloat in my face,

which you do every single time, It's just I'm...

I wanna have a cigarette. I'm gonna go outside.

No umm Blake.

No, don't umm me. I'm just, I'll be back in a bit okay.

Okay...

Rachel, do you wanna go for a cigarette?

What?

Cigarette!

Ow! What are you doing!

You could've told me!

♪ Another promise, I'll take your word on this ♪

♪ Where would we be without you ♪

1, 2, 3...

You can't count and then throw it.

A piece went in my mouth!

No!

Okay, wait okay. Go on then!

Say hi.

No, just wave.

I was trying to talk and you weren't taking me seriously at all.

Okay but you fucked me with a dildo, it wasn't the best time.

Yeah okay let's not... I'm finally at a place where when I do things like,

change my clothes or like y'know go to the gym, lose weight whatever.

Like I'm doing that to change a man's body.

Instead of, no but like instead of,

Instead of trying to do those things to make it look like a man's body.

Like I feel like I look how I'm meant to.

And I know it's stupid but,

when I say stuff like, "camp it up",

Or like "gay it up" I just, it's kind of a big deal.

Because...

I've just never got to. I just didn't, I couldn't.

Yeah, I understand.

I understand, I'm sorry.

Okay.

I should've spoken to you about it I'm...

I am so proud of you okay, this whole journey you've taken.

Yeah? And I want to be there every step of the way.

Yeah, okay.

And I've got an idea, come with me.

- C'mon, let's go. - What are you gonna do?

You want me to paint your nails?

Yeah.

- Sit! - Okay.

Hey no! Don't touch that, don't move my shit,

Jesus Christ, it's not your room.

Okay sorry.

Oh my god!

Yeah, I know.

- I think we've made a terrible mistake. - You made a great decision,

he can stay okay. He can stay.

Stop, give me your hand. What are you doing!

We could fit "Rachel is the best".

- I swear to god. - Okay sorry.

I'm doing such a good job, I am!

♪ Sometimes, you're so sad ♪

♪ You've gotta remember ♪

♪ Life's gonna grab you by the balls. ♪

Does it stay smelling like this all day?

Am I gonna like stink when I go out tomorrow?

You always stink when you go out.

Okay!

- I mean accurate, so. - Thank you!

What the hell! Oh my god!

Moving on after a loss or a tragedy

can come with feelings of resistance,

even guilt.

How can we take a step forward

but also cherish our memories?

Jennifer Ashton hand-painted ceramic urns

can provide forward-looking comfort

in 25 individual designs.

Jennifer Ashton ceramic urns.

Holding on...

when you're letting go.

Caitlin?

How was that for you?

Did you still... Okay...

Guys... any thoughts?

Erm, we like the general tone

we were just talking about the term "forward-looking comfort" and

whether there's a better wording for that?

Right...

We just felt like "comfort" sounds more stationary

and "forward-looking" sounds more like a motion.

So we'd prefer a term that kind of expressed both.

Yeah no we're gonna have to...

- Daniel! - Huh?

They want to revise the script. Can you come back on Thursday?

Erm...

Sure. That's fine.

- Thanks so much guys! - Thanks. - Thank you.

- You off to another job? - Erm...

Sort of!

Hi.

I didn't realize you were in halls.

- Is that a problem? - No no... it's uh...

They let you keep pets in here?

Oh. Yeah... Mindy!

- Sorry. - That's alright.

You're watching something?

No. The walls are thin so I prefer to keep it on.

- Great. - I can get a bit groany.

Shit...

Sorry.

Look, can I be upfront about something?

Yeah.

I've got an area down there that's a bit red.

Red?

I've had it checked and it's definitely non-infectious.

That's good to know.

It's just dry skin that I scratch.

Right...

It's totally safe but if you prefer I can just keep my clothes on and...

blow you?

Sounds good.

Which version?

Clothes and blow.

Hey it's Daniel. Leave a message.

Danny? It's Mom.

I'm coming to London. Tomorrow.

I know you probably don't want...

You keep saying "now's not a good time"

but I haven't seen you since Dad...

I land at 8.

I'm taking the train into Paddington.

I love you.

Fuck.

Hey!

- Oh hi! - Sorry!

This is Octavio.

- Octavio, my son Daniel. - Nice to meet you.

Hi.

Octavio just came to London to study,

but he's very worried about the breakfasts!

- Let me get that. - Yeah.

Oh wait!

I've got to get your sister's email address.

- Sure. - Hang on.

- It's erm... - So, er, viviana, er, dot, domenica

- Wait... - Yeah...

- Maybe... - Oh, yeah that's no problem.

His sister works in a studio. Sometimes they need voice-over artists.

Oh really? Where does she work?

She works in Sicily.

Oh... cool.

Viviana dot valenciano domenica

Ah, isn't that neat!

We should probably get...

- Oh... ok. - So, enjoy London!

- Nice to meet you. - Thank you so much!

- Thanks for your help. - Bye Stephanie.

So how do you like your new agent?

I'm not going to fly to Sicily to do a voice over, Mom.

They might need Americans!

They have Americans in Italy!

- Wanna get the Tube? - You want to go home already?

- Aren't you tired? - No, I'm excited!

Don't they have lockers around here or something?

I want to see the sights!

Come on where can we go?

Well, um... we could go to Claridge's for tea?

Or... what do you want to do?

Rule Britannia! Britannia rule the waves.

Britons never, never, never shall be slaves!

You ok?

Fine... it's a work thing.

Mom why is this tour in German?

I took the first one going. You did German at school.

I did Spanish.

Yes!

Chrissie did German.

God it is so civilized here!

America is a mess at the moment.

The politics and everything...

You could have voted, Mom.

Oh yeah, like my voting

would have inspired a whole generation to do the same!

- Like I'm an Instagraph sensation. - Instagram.

How do you know about Instagram?

Kathy's daughter is on it.

16! Puts herself in a slip that barely covers her vagina,

then a juice company comes along,

offers her 10 000 bucks to endorse them because she's a 'social influencer'.

That tells you everything you need to know about America.

When they start referring to a delinquent brat

as if she's a UN ambassador!

Mom, why are you here?

I couldn't wait any longer.

I needed to ask you something.

What do you need to ask me?

Why have you never come out to me?

What?

Why have you never told me you're gay, Daniel?

Well, I...

When did you find out?

Your sister told me.

Two years ago.

Two years ago!?

Why didn't you say something!?

I wanted to see if you'd tell me yourself.

Yeah!

I'm...

gay.

You know it's not a problem for me. It's just, well...

- I don't understand why you didn't just... - I don't know!

I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize. It's fine. - Thank you.

I read that a lot of mothers cry.

And that if you do,

you should explain that it's because you feel protective.

But I promised myself I wouldn't do it!

Mom!

It just makes me sad that you're not going to experience being a dad.

When did I ever say I wanted to be a dad?

And what about AIDS!?

Nobody gets full AIDS any more!

People with HIV have...

- Oh my god! Have you got it!? - No! But I have friends who...

Oh my god don't have unprotected sex with them!

I wasn't planning on bare backing any of my friends

Oh god...

I didn't mean to make this hard for you, I just...

It's okay.

What time is it?

Like, three o'clock?

Shit! I got the time difference mixed up.

We gotta get back to your apartment.

Why?

- Chrissie's coming. - What!?

Well I'm in London for once and she's just around the corner.

She's in Geneva! That's a two-hour flight!

I just wanted us to all be together.

For what? My enforced coming-out parade!?

When was the last time we did this?

Fine.

Let's get off this thing.

God save our precious queen,

God save our noble queen. God save the queen!

Dankeschön! Fantastisch!

Nice! Er... very English.

Yeah, sorry.

I don't have a lot of space, so...

you’ll get my bed, Chrissie can take the spare mattress…

- and i'll go on the couch. - No you don't have to do that!

No it's fine.

Can't I stay in here?

No that's my roommate's.

Right...

What?

I didn't think you had a roommate.

No. I told you, Alex.

I thought you just called him your roommate.

I thought he was your boyfriend...

No. He's my roommate.

Right.

I don't have a boyfriend, Mom.

Fine.

- Oh that'll be Chrissie! - Yeah. I'll go down.

Don't look at me like that. She swore me to secrecy.

So did I.

What? Mother trumps brother.

Really?

You don't have to Skype with her every Sunday.

And don't panic. I'm booked in at the Ace hotel.

It's fine. You could have stayed here.

Do you feel relieved at least?

Sure I mean somewhere inside my massive ulcer

everything's floating on a fucking cloud!

Hello?

Oh Chrissie!

- Mom you look amazing! - Thank you.

Marjorie has a new machine down at the salon,

it freezes your fat cells and you pass it out with your urine.

Well you look radiant.

Oh come here my two babies!

I have missed you!

Come to the bedroom, unpack your cases.

Oh no, I'm staying at a hotel.

No! You are not wasting money!

Danny has a mattress. You can stay here.

It's a 10-minute walk from here, Mom. It's all booked.

Hey, why don’t you guys go into the living room?

You know, we had it all planned out.

We got popcorn, a movie, you know the Chucky movie,

the one that used to make him cry all the time.

Because he was so scared!

- Are you guys hungry? - Yeah sure!

Shall we have a half hour rest and then go out?

- There's this Vietnamese place... - Oh wait, hang on, uh...

Here. I had my PA look up some restaurant options.

Oh... okay.

These are all really expensive.

It's fine. I'll pay.

I'm just gonna go out and get some stuff.

- Ok do you need any help? - No I'll be fine.

I was quite surprised when you texted.

- Pleasantly. - Thanks.

I thought you didn't really enjoy yourself last time.

I’m just not really an emotive kinda guy.

Oh, I like that. Very masculine!

- So, what do you want to... - Clothes and blow.

Actually, sorry...

I'm not really feeling it.

Is there anything you want me to do differently?

It's fine. I'm just gonna...

Sorry!

That was it! Everyone was gone! I mean can you believe it?

He was locked in the building all night!

Oh wait, hang on... when did we go to London with dad?

'86.

Do you remember him and his record stores?

Oh god, the fucking Bangles.

I am literally scarred by the amount of times

I had to watch a chubby 10 year old trying to walk like an Egyptian.

What? And you weren't the world's most pathetic goth?

I always remember this.

There she is, in her room, crying,

and she says: "Mom!"

"I want to be a goth so bad but I don't like wearing black!"

Ok I'm guilty! But you know, I did like The Cure,

and I wear black all the time now,

so I feel like I should be accredited retrospectively.

Look. I would like to propose a little toast.

To my two beautiful children.

To my incredible daughter, who's ridiculously smart

and taking over the world.

And to my amazing son.

Oh I am sorry I cried like the predictable cliched overprotective parent.

So it took us two years to get here, big deal!

But I want you to know, I love you just the way you are.

Thanks Mom.

And to your father.

We miss you, Joe.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Well said, Mom.

So! Are you two dating?

No we're siblings that's illegal.

Come on, you know what I meant.

Seriously? You have no idea how depressing five minutes

with a senior Swiss account manager can be, Mom.

Oh come on, what about all the strapping mountain men in their leather shorts?

I'm in banking, Mom. I'm not fucking Heidi!

Fine!

So what about you, Danny? Do you go to some fabulous gay bars?

It's all kind of digital now.

I know about this! Match.com, eharmony...

Oh god, please tell me you haven't been on those.

No, no, no! But, you two should be careful.

Have you seen that show, 'Catfish'?

The kids on there think they're talking to some model and it turns out to be

some 50 year old man.

I'm 41 and gay.

A 50 year old man is not the worst thing that can happen to me.

So what's your type?

- God, really? - C'mon! You can tell me!

I don't know... Erm...

Dark hair, around my age or slightly younger?

Don't you like older?

You used to always tell me about your obsession with Patrick Duffy.

Thanks. Thanks for that.

Patrick Duffy?

Isn't he like 70 something?

Not now! Back in the 'Dallas' days!

- In middle school? - Yeah!

So when did you come out to your sister?

Well...

It was like...

What?

How long have you known?

Erm... 26 years.

Right...

Erm...

Could you please excuse me, I...

I, erm...

I just need the bathroom.

Mom!

Fuck.

We have to make it up to her.

You didn't seriously think I only came out two years ago, did you?

I heard there were some people who did it later in life.

Well...

I don't care when you came out, Daniel!

I just don't...

Was I such a terrible parent?

Oh mom. If you're gonna go into victim mode

will you at least take the mask off?

Did I die for you when your father died?

What!?

- Of course not! - That's what it feels like, Danny!

You don't visit, you don't want me to visit.

You don't call, you don't want me to call.

For fuck's sake it's not like you live in Manchester!

- I've just got a lot on my plate. - You could talk to me about it!

- You talked to Dad. - Because he didn't judge me!

Because he didn't care what anyone else thought!

He just wanted us to be happy.

- That's what I want. - Really, Mom?

You're fine with me living in a small rented room

on the other side of the Atlantic,

getting by with a job that you don't really understand?

You're fine with me being single, lonely and having casual sex?

Because I can handle you knowing I'm gay.

I can't handle you thinking I'm a failure.

You could've tried me.

And get the top 10 reasons to move back home?

You think I don't lie to protect you from what I'm going through?

What!?

I had a lump removed from my breast in October.

- What!? - It was fine. It was benign.

- Mom! - I didn't wanna worry you guys.

Do you think I want it this way?

We never reinvented this family after your father died.

We're just three scattered pieces of a puzzle and I can't...

I can't do it!

Just a question, erm...

would you guys rather have this breakdown at the Ace hotel?

Because I really like room service with my emotional distress.

Oh sweetie.

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Honouring the past, while taking a bold step into the future.

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provide individual beauty for both past and present.

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Honouring the memory.

Caitlin?

Yeah guys that's amazing.

Exactly what we wanted. Thanks so much!

- Thanks Caitlin.- Thanks!

You off to another job?

Nope. I've got family staying.

I'll see you next week.

Daniel, right?

Octavio.

Of course! Thanks for helping my Mom the other day.

Oh it's ok. She's an energetic woman!

She's very energetic!

When my mum comes from Sicily, she brings four suitcases.

- Four!? - Yes.

One is food: Parmigiana, Cassata, meatballs.

One is clothes,

and another one is uhm... how do you say...

- household products? - Household products!?

Yes. Products for my terrible hair.

It's not terrible.

Yes it is. Believe me, curly, is a nightmare!

- Reminds me of, erm, Patrick Duffy. - Who?

Bobby Ewing in 'Dallas'?

- Do you have 'Dallas' in Italy? - Oh yeah!

Yes, but in my family we prefer 'Dynasty'.

Oh no no no, we were 'Dallas' fans.

My sister and I, we would play and she would be, erm...

Joan Collins.

- Amazing! You weren't jealous? - A little bit.

A NORMAL GUY

Hi!

Hey.

Haven’t seen you here before.

Wanna go to your place?

Move, bitch. You're wasted again. Every fucking time.

Come on, let's go home!

One more cigarette and then we go?

Second one on the right, right?

Yeah.

So?

I'll be right back with the rest of the money.

Hey, man, got a fiver?

I’m not having that shit in my car! Get out!

I’m coming back, really. My cousin’s a taxi driver.

- Yeah, right... - I'm not lying, maybe you know him.

There are a million taxi drivers in Bucharest,

how do you expect me to know him?

He also works for your company.

Really? What's his name?

Alexandru Moisilă.

Don’t know him.

They call him The Shark.

- Săndel? - Yes!

- Săndel? Really? - Yeah!

So you’re his fag cousin?

Yeah, that's me.

Ok, no problem then.

I'll settle it with your cousin then.

Hey, thanks a lot, man.

Close the door!

Other one too.

♪ Through bloodshot eyes ♪

♪ It's like we're floating in space ♪

♪ A fall from grace ♪

♪ Seems... synchronized... ♪

♪ I wanna see your face, ♪

♪ feel your warm embrace, ♪

♪ all over again. ♪

- Got something for me? - Like what?

Maybe some coke to wake me up.

Sorry, I don’t do that shit.

♪ All over again. ♪

♪ I'll do whatever it takes ♪

♪ and make the same mistakes. ♪

♪ All over again. ♪

♪ I wanna see your face, ♪

♪ feel your warm embrace. ♪

♪ All over again. ♪

♪ I know we misbehaved, all the things we craved. ♪

What are you doing here?

I told you not to come here tonight!

Where do you want me to go! Everything’s closed.

- Please, go somewhere else! - It's freezing outside.

Then go to the bus station, it's warm there.

I went to Nicu's, it's closed and now you want me to go to the bus station?

- With all the hobos? - Please! I'll see you in the morning.

You're such a jerk.

- What happened? - Nothing, I went to the toilet.

Go back to sleep.

Are you crazy, cuz? Leaving her out in the cold like that?

Have we ever done this to you? Tell me, have we?

That’s not fair. It's my apartment too. You two are here all the time.

You find Price Charming and now you think you can argue with me?

Who puts food on the table here? Huh? Who cooks, that guy or Flori?

I ask you for one little favour and you had to snitch.

- I didn't... - She didn't, I was driving around...

looking for a coffee, and I found her in the street.

That's enough. Come inside!

- I never do this to you, Sandu... - Shut the fuck up!

When we wanna screw we don’t kick you out.

Get in will you?

I’m going to find more customers. If I find her outside again,

I’ll kick your asses, you fucking faggots!

I’m cold!

- Bye. - Bye.

Sure you don't want a taxi?

- My cousin is a taxi driver... - No, it's fine.

- Let's keep in touch, maybe? - Sure, why not?

- Can I have your number or... - Better give me yours.

0-7-2-2… 3-3-0…

- You go to the club often? - Yeah, every week.

- Great, then I'll see you there. - Ok, great. …2-7-6.

- Cool. I'll call you later. - OK.

- Bye! - Bye!

My God, he's so handsome.

I've never seen such a hot guy in my life.

Only in films, maybe.

♪ I just wanna, I just wanna tell you ♪

♪ I just wanna make you mine ♪

What are you doing?

Put on that nice shirt we bought for you!

Hello! Two tickets.

Thanks.

♪ You don't listen ♪

You have women here too?

They're all dykes?

I don't know!

If any of them grab your ass, they sure are.

♪ I just wanna, I just wanna see you ♪

Well? Get in there!

Go, don't be a fool!

♪ And I promise, I will take you to the ♪

♪ And I promise, I will take you to the stars. ♪

♪ I'll take you to the stars ♪

- So, how was the fags' club? - I loved it!

I had fun, really! You should've come too.

No thanks. If any of those fags puts a hand on my ass,

I’ll kick his ass till he's straight again.

They’re not even like that!

- They even played some manele at the end. - Seriously?

- I showed them some moves... - Your famous one? I don't believe it.

- I really loved it! - Cool.

So, erm... were there any lesbos in there too?

Yeah. There were women.

Dykes?

How should I know?

Come on, they’re easy to spot! Any hot girls?

What am I supposed to do with a fag?

I don't care, I don't like women.

Yeah, right...

We could take one home with us, take her to bed.

Undress her, kiss and caress her...

- Don't be a jerk! - What's wrong?

- Shut up, you're an asshole. - Are you mad at me now?

- Cut it out. - I was joking, what the fuck!

Come on, you know you mean the world to me. I swear.

You in here? I thought you were in the kitchen.

Are you still crying over that cocksucker?

Don't worry, you'll find another.

There’s someone in the world for everybody, even you.

It's just that…

You know...

You should look for a normal guy, not Prince Charming, you know?

A guy who’s there by your side.

And you should really start driving a taxi.

You'll finally get that license?

Come on, cheer up!

Fuck off!

♪ I wanna feel exposed, I wanna feel exposed ♪

♪ I just wanna, I just wanna tell you ♪

♪ I just wanna, I just wanna make you mine ♪

♪ I wanna make you mine ♪

Your teacher called last night.

What did she say?

She said you’ve been skipping school. Is that right?

I haven’t.

Oh, so she lied.

I don’t know. She didn’t like me much.

Where have you been going?

Nowhere.

Kevin you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t go to school.

Your sister called by the way. She wants to see you.

So how have you been, Kev?

Fine.

You really gonna come all the way out here just for 'fine'?

Yeah.

Are you seeing someone you shouldn’t be?

No.

Kev… Hey.

How’s erm, how's uni been?

Pretty boy!

What’s this?

What?

You look better clean.

Hey. Dinner's in the fridge.

We want to get married here, amongst our family and friends. Unfortunately...

the debate I guess...

The Prime Minister is strongly opposed to gay marriage...

Those are some fighting words...

You gonna shut my mouth for me?

Maybe.

We gonna get any service around here?

You two want anything?

Yeah, can I grab two schooners of beer?

Yeah just let me grab Tessa, she’ll look after you.

The fuck's his problem?

Just leave it.

This prick serious?

He said someone’s gonna come serve us, don’t worry about it

Fuck this, hey mate!

Yeah what can I do for you?

You gonna serve us or what?

Tessa'll be here in a minute. She’ll look after you

Why can’t you serve us?

Just let me...

What are you smiling about, fuckwit?

You can’t talk to my regulars like that.

Look mate we just want a beer, are you gonna serve us or what?

Yeah just...

Nah fuck that, you can’t leave us standing here waiting all week to be served

and then when white boy turns up you drop everything

and start pouring.

Yeah well actually I can.

It’s the law mate.

If you don’t like it. Nick off.

Just because you lot can get married now means bugger all to me.

Some fucking human being you are!

Come on Nicko, let’s just go.

Kev?

Go.

Fucking prick.

What the fuck was all that about?

Leave it.

No, I won’t. What were you even doing?

What do you want me to do?

Stick up for me. Or if not me, at least for yourself.

You’re always hiding who you are.

I haven’t even met your Mum. You have dinner with mine every other night.

My mum isn’t like your parents.

Well if your Mum doesn’t know about me, then I don’t wanna be your life.

I don’t wanna be your fucking secret anymore, Kev.

I wanna be your partner.

Where have you been all night?

Out.

With who?

With who!?

Nicko.

Is he a friend of yours?

Yeah.

Well how come I’ve never met him?

Because…

- He's... He's my... - No...

No!

I like...

No you don’t!

I like guys!

Take that back. You’re not one of them.

Stop.

There’s nothing wrong with me.

What have I done? What have I done wrong?

There’s nothing wrong with me.

Not in my house, not in my house. Not you two.

Just get out.

Mum, I’m your son...

You’re not my son.

My son wouldn’t be a fag.

Don’t you love me?

Go!

Kev...

What?

Pretty boy!