All language subtitles for The Ex PM s01e01 val.eng

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

WOMAN: I know you never voted for him.

Uh-huh.

Dad would not be spinning in his
grave because Dad's not dead...

he's in Byron with that iridologist.

Listen, if I want to
write this guy's memoirs,

I've got to spend a
bit of time with him.

Get inside of him.

Although, you never know...

Malcolm Fraser mellowed
once he got out of office.

Andrew Dugdale might be
a really nice guy now.

Yeah, well, the last thing I
need is some femo-Nazi uni student

sticking her nose into my private life.

If I want a cadet journalist
rummaging around through my bins,

I will ring what's-his-name from
News Limited, and I do mean limited.

MAN: Andrew, you should
have finished the first draft

six months ago.

Hey, the memoirs were
your idea, not mine.

Well, I had to say yes to her.

For goodness sake, they wanted
us to pay the advance back.

Well, then, pay it back.
Sonny's here. He'll tell you.

Pay it back, Henry.

Tell him he doesn't have a
million dollars, will you?

- You don't have a million dollars.
- Oh, I see, I see.

So, you agree to the memoirs,
they pay us the advance

- but I have to pay it back.
- Well, it's your money, Andrew.

I can't obviously get
to it at the moment

with the tax people
breathing down my neck.

My hands are tied.

Not so much your hands being tied
as your ankle being monitored.

(CHUCKLES) That got him.

Another couple of months of
this and I can leave the house

and fly to the islands
and Bob's your uncle.

Well, just so long as
he's a very rich uncle.

- Tell him, Sonny.
- Bye, Henry.

I think the book's a good idea.

Great, ten years in Kirribilli

and this place is falling
down around my ears.

How I let him talk me
into letting it to...

- Who were they again?
- Wolfmother.

... Wolfmother is beyond me.

Fixing it up is beyond me.
I mean, look at those cracks.

I haven't been up a ladder

since I hung the chancellor
in effigy at Adelaide Uni.

That's a good story, you
should put it in the book.

I don't have time to write
a book. That's my point.

- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- Come!

First thing that other
lot did when they got in

was reduce my staff allowance.

All I get is you, a
second-hand COMCAR driver,

a security detail of one
and a cook on a 457 visa.

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

Yes, I'm done. Thank
you very much, Rita.

Everything else I've got to do myself.

Well, now you've got your own
live-in ghostwriter, haven't you?

Yeah. Not today, thank you, Curtis.

I'll clean the egg
off the car, then, sir.

Yes.

Can't find him, Mr
Dugdale. Looked everywhere.

Try the wine cellar. And
she's not moving in here.

Carol's back. Plus the boy.

Catherine and I are
in separate wings now,

nothing's unpacked and most
of that's in the spare room.

She's not moving into
here or the games room.

You can't afford to
put her up in a hotel

and she's gotta be here
at the crack of sparrow's

if she's gonna get this
done in a month and a half.

Can't the publisher pay
to put her up somewhere?

Henry says it's contractually
part of the advance.

Which I don't see until he's
out from under house arrest.

He's got a very interesting way

of generating customer
loyalty, hasn't he?

I told you to go with Max Markson.

(BONES CRACKING)

? Theme music ?

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

(SPLATTING)

Why can't you write my
autobiography for me, Sonny?

You know me better than anybody.

I didn't think you would
want anything that candid.

I don't mind candid. I've
got nothing to be ashamed of.

Ooh, the Condoleezza Rice incident.
- We'd leave that out, obviously.

A bit of scandal would
make it a bestseller.

I don't want anything in
there that's... awkward.

Well, it's certainly
quicker to write that way,

but do you think they'd be
happy with a half-page biography?

Why am I signing these?

You're perfectly capable
of forging my signature.

And what's this?

That's your OK for the
girl to talk to the staff,

members of your family and
various so-called friends.

I don't like the idea of
people talking about me

unless I'm in the room glaring at them.

I'm sure they'll be discreet. Sign.

I'm sure the staff will be discreet
'cause they know they can be fired.

- No threat intended.
- None needed.

It's the family and so-called
friends I'm worried about.

Oh, look, she's even got
an ex-girlfriend in here.

Pre- or post-marriage?

I don't know why they couldn't have sent

someone like Blanche d'Alpuget.

Ooh... She only does fiction now.

I know, that's what I mean.

If she thinks she can blindside me,

then she's severely
underestimated Andrew Dugdale.

You know, you should speak about
yourself in the third person

when you talk to her, it
makes you sound more humble.

- Where is she? Sydney?
- She's FROM Sydney, yes.

Yes, yes, I know the type.

Probably writes gaming
reviews for The Guardian.

- What's her number?
- She's downstairs.

Downstairs? Even better.

Because if politics has
taught me anything, Sonny,

it's that a direct assault
often bests an ambush.

There he is. That's the
Andrew Dugdale I remember.

Although what about Catherine, though?

Because I am supposed to let her
beat me at tennis this morning.

I'll handle Catherine. You get changed.

Ah... moleskin pants,
tweed jacket, I think.

Yes. Yes. Tweed.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Cool.

- Do you pack heat, as well?
- Yeah.

Just the standard M&P40.

Although I have sent away
for a Crimson Trace Lasergrip.

- What's her name?
- SONNY: Ellen.

Ellen, I am so sorry
to have kept you waiting

but I've been playing
hide-and-seek with my grandson.

- He's very good at it, isn't he?
- He is very good at it.

Still no sign of him though, Mr D,

although I am about to
do a sweep of the garage.

Yes, yes, thank you very much, Myles.

Ooh, you seem to have
a lot of bags here.

But, uh... but welcome.

MYLES: I've been taking care
of Mr D since he was voted out.

My job as CPO is to
bodyguard, plain and simple,

and, if necessary, take a bullet.

Thing is, though,

no-one really wants to
assassinate an ex-prime minister.

You know.

But, hey, it's a gig
until they find something

for me in counterterrorism.

In the meantime, I've
got my fingers crossed.

Yes, yes, I think one
of the great advantages

of retiring from public office is
that you get your private life back.

New glasses, I see.

Ah, well, you've done your research.

I thought you might have had
them lasered like John Howard.

No, well, um, I've always been more

fiscally conservative than Mr Howard.

I wouldn't have thought
you needed to be worried

about money with this joint.

(CHUCKLES) And he just
let you in, did he?

- I've got those papers you wanted.
- I think I need to check those.

(SPEAKS FRENCH) _

Sounds lovely, Rita. Uh, you will
stay for lunch of course, um... ?

- Oh...
- (WHISPERS) Ellen.

- Ellen.
- I'm a vegetarian.

_

Thank you, Rita. Rita
will do you a salad.

An invaluable member
of the staff is Rita.

- Can I get you a coffee, Ellen?
- Thank you, but I'm...

No, no, please, allow me to do that.
Sonny will get your bags for you.

Sonny's worth a chapter of
his own, aren't you, Sonny?

Sonny's been by my side for, oh, what?

Some sin I committed in a past life.

(LAUGHS)

Yes, yes, you don't build
up this sort of rapport

without spending a few years together.

I could tell you a few stories.

Sonny, you forgot one.

Thank you.

Yes, I perform all the
duties of a chief of staff,

although I've never
really concerned myself

with that nameplate on the door.

It's more about the work that goes
on behind the door that's important.

I think that's the relevant thing.

Uh, I mean, I like to think
of myself as experienced.

I've worked for three prime
ministers, two opposition leaders

and I almost had to work for
a certain Speaker of the House

who shall remain nameless

but I managed to
extricate myself from that.

(WHISPERS) Bronwyn Bishop. God.

Can we take that bit out? Yeah, sure.

Andrew I first met when he was a
naive, wide-eyed junior minister

with so much to learn,

and he really hasn't changed.

Um... and we work well together

and I think that's because of our, uh...

... our mutual respect.

Chop chop, Sonny.

I don't mind carrying them, really.

No, nonsense, nonsense.
Sonny's as strong as an ox.

He once took down Christine Milne

at a federal member's State of
Origin match, didn't you, Sonny?

- Where am I taking these?
- Uh, box room, I think.

You'll love it there.
What are you, 5'2"?

161cm.

Ah. Ceiling slopes, you'll be fine.

I'll leave that authorisation
for the interviews on your bed,

- if there is one.
- Oh, cheers.

No, I don't think I've
signed those yet, have I?

Oh, I think you did.

- Excuse me.
- No, no, no.

- Mr Dugdale?
- Yes?

- I just want to make something clear.
- By the way, it's Andrew, OK?

We don't stand on ceremony around here.

None of this 'Mr Dugdale' nonsense.

- I assume you're OK with me calling you 'Helen'?
- Sure.

Though my name is actually Ellen.

That's even better.
That's one letter less.

Now, I haven't got you
that coffee yet, have I?

- I'm really not needing a coffee.
- No, no.

I'll show you round the Dugdale pile,

we'll have a cuppa and get
better acquainted. Come on.

So, how do you want to do this?

'Cause Sonny says you
want to record everything.

Well, I usually sit
down and have a chat,

but if it'll make you more comfortable,

you can give me ASIO clearance

and I'll just hack
into everyone's phones.

(CHUCKLES) Feisty, like it. Yes.

No, we haven't done that forever.

We've never done that.

Never done that at all.

Oh, good morning, Carol.

Have you no shame?

Rita's buchimagae is very
good this morning, sweetie.

Are they?

Yes... Uh... have you eaten, by the way?

They gave me a sultana on the plane.

Yeah, well, yeah, he runs a
tight ship, that Alan Joyce.

Very tight ship.

Young enough to be his granddaughter.

Now, now.

Don't you take the moral high ground.

Mum up here somewhere, is she?

(SIGHS)

K-ssss!

Yes, my daughter's recently divorced.

Laundry is through there.
Just give Rita your things.

Her mother and I do what we can to help

but we weren't exactly there
for her when she was growing up.

I want to knock out this wall
and put in a glass atrium.

So I think the very least I can do...

and am, in fact, doing, is
be there now for my grandson.

That's great. My dad...

Do you wanna hear all this stuff
now or should I wait till we start?

I thought we were just
having a conversation.

OK, off the record. Understood.

Ooh, we should have a safe word.

Something like 'apricot',
for the more sensitive stuff.

- Would you like to start?
- May as well. Good idea.

Don't you think? The sooner you've
got enough material to type up,

the sooner you can get
the hell outta here.

Very thoughtful of you.

Now, if it doesn't make
me sound too elitist,

I would really like to work in
my collection of antique clocks.

Why clocks?

(CLOCK TICKING)

Well, they pass the time.

(CLOCKS CHIMING)

No, I am gonna fix up
those cracks at some point.

So, what, married,
children, what's your story?

No, no. I'm only 24.

None of my business,
obviously. It's not relevant.

I don't even want to
know who you voted for.

But let me tell you something,
though, when you do get married,

if you do of course, your
choice, and you have children...

again, entirely up to you,
love them and cherish them

and make sure that
under no circumstances

do they marry their cocaine dealer.

That's 'apricot', by the
way, till I check with Carol.

Understood. Can you give me a level?

Uh, yes, certainly. (CLEARS THROAT)

The Dugdale tapes, part
one, I am not a crook.

Yeah, you'd be probably
a bit young for that joke.

I should have made it about
Edward Snowden or somebody.

I know who Richard Nixon is, Mr Dugdale.

Andrew, please.

It's just that, you know, I
would like my sense of humour

to come across in the book, if possible.

Do you find people
don't quite respond to it

in the same way as they
did when you were in power?

Nicolae Ceausescu said it
was the main thing he noticed

after his regime collapsed.

Ah, well, well, he did spend a lot
of time with his wife afterwards

and she was notorious for
treading on his punch lines.

My wife, on the other hand,
understands about such things.

Oh, for God's sake, you
foolish, foolish old man.

Oh, hello again, sweetie. I don't
think you've met Helen, have you?

Uh, this is Helen. Helen, this is Carol.

Ellen, actually. Hi.

Can't even remember their names.

Well, Ellen is helping
me with my memoirs.

You should introduce her to Mum.
I think Sonny knows where she is.

Good idea. Thank you
very much, uh, Carol.

Yes, she's probably out having a hit.

Catherine and I often
play tennis together...

more so in fact since my un-election.

Oh, she must be wiping you
off the court at the moment.

- Hmm?
- You being in here and all.

Oh, yes. No, no.

Well, Sonny sometimes steps in
when I'm busy and sees to her.

So, when did you meet Catherine?

Was it love at first sight
at a young whatever's ball?

Actually, speaking of Catherine,
you don't have your coffee, do you?

What's that got to do with Catherine?

Um... yeah, well, good point.

Yes, no, it's just that she's...

put an espresso machine
in the games room.

Yeah, she likes a bit of caffeine
when she's doing her hot yoga.

- (BILLIARD BALLS CLINK)
- God, look at that crack.

- Hello, darling.
- Oh, hello, darling.

Sonny was just helping
me with my service.

Yeah, foot faults,
they're ruining her game.

- Well, I can vouch for that.
- Right.

I suppose you get a better
view of the court from up here?

Oh, yes, you do get a
bird's-eye perspective

of the, um... the line placement
from this vantage point.

Oh, we were, uh, just about
to go down, weren't we?

- That's right, yes.
- Oh, well, I don't want to keep you.

I just wanted to introduce
you to my biographer, Ellen.

This is my wife, Catherine.
Of course, Sonny, you know.

- Mrs Dugdale.
- Oh, please, let's not be too formal.

- Call me Cath.
- I told her.

One doesn't stand on
ceremony round here, does one?

No. One doesn't.

OK, Sonny, grab my balls.

Let's put some of this
theory of yours into practice.

Well, we'll leave you to it, then.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, Catherine's game went to
hell while we were in Canberra.

I just didn't have time
to practise with her.

Must be good to have
Sonny working on her game.

Yes, good man. Good man.

You think he suspects?

I think he suspects you.

He's got no idea about me.

Right.

Well...

Fire away at this old grey head.

OK.

So... when was it you first
got interested in politics?

What piqued your interest

and did you always see yourself
as winding up as prime minister?

Mm... Oh, poo, I haven't got
you that coffee yet, have I?

No, no, I didn't...

No, tell you what, let's brew
one up the old-fashioned way.

- I really don't want one.
- Come on, I'll put the jug on,

we'll have a cuppa, a nice
cosy chat in the kitchen.

Sure.

Thanks, Rita.

These flapjacks are the cat's pyjamas.

(SPEAKS FRENCH) _

_

_

_

Bu... Oh!

_

_

_

_

I think she likes me.

Ah, well, not quite as
cosy as I was hoping.

It is a bit like an Aussie
sitcom here at the moment.

Particularly with Carol
and the boy moving back in.

Oh, hi, sweetie. You got a shift today?

She's a nurse.

We're very, very proud
of her, considering.

You found him yet, Myles?

Next on my list of things to do, Mr D.

And you'll also be pleased to know, sir,

the old girl is now
completely egg-free.

- He say he washed the car.
- Oh.

Do you like it being a
bit like an Aussie sitcom?

Absolutely, yes!

Although I don't think our
characters are quite as broad.

Oh, wait till I bloody tell the wife

I've been installing Andrew bloody
Dugdale's home security system.

I didn't vote for you myself, sir,

but I like the way you bloody stood
up to all them human rights buggers

about those asylum seeker bastards.

Well, that's very nice of you to say so.

I thought we installed a
perfectly good security system

- before we went to Canberra?
- We did, but it got stolen.

- By who?
- Wolfmother.

I told Henry we should have
gone with the Hoodoo Gurus.

Not to worry, Mr Dugdale.

I'm putting in a brand-new,
state-of-the-art, bloody ripper.

Ah. What, in the fridge?

Well, I suppose it'll protect
what's left of the food?

_

Uh, no, thank you.

No, no, no, no, she wants a coffee.
A coffee. You know, drinking.

I really don't want one, honestly.

- No, no, it's no trouble at all.
- Alright.

Just a green tea, please.
I don't drink coffee.

No, no, no, I think
we can do a green tea.

- She wants a green tea.
- No tea, just coffee.

- I wouldn't mind a bloody coffee.
- Myles.

Oh, only if everyone else is having one.

Milk and one, thanks. Like my women.

Myles, get out and take him with you.

And check the garage
like you were supposed to.

OK, we're rolling. Come
on, we're on the move.

And if he's not there,
look in the potting shed.

Potting shed.

Right, so, um, green tea. Sure.

Can do. Will do. Am doing.

It's been years since
I had a cup of coffee.

- I'll be up all night.
- Yes, I'm sorry about that.

I was sure we had some green tea

because we had the
Indonesian President over once

and his wife gave us a hamper.

- Too much sugar?
- I think it's sea salt.

I have no idea where anything is.

I was in The Hague when we moved.

I should say no to these things
but they're so bloody insistent.

- The Dutch?
- No, no, speakers bureaus.

Now, what do you want to start with?

Childhood, family, marriage, rivalries?

Well, I was just thinking maybe
this isn't the best place to do this.

It's not quite the right atmosphere
for sitting and talking, is it?

- It's your office.
- Yeah...

He's not in the garage, Mr D.
Where else was it you mentioned?

- The potting shed.
- Potting shed, right.

It's a big house.
Plenty of places to hide.

Yeah, I was right, you are feisty.

I can see I'm gonna have to watch you.

No, no, I meant literally play
hide-and-seek... with your grandson.

Oh, I see, yes. Yes.

Mm... Do you think the place is big?

It seems tiny after Kirribilli.

I suppose once we unpack
it, it'll fill up a bit.

Mind you, the move is a good chance
to get rid of some of this rubbish.

Is that Nelson Mandela
next to you there?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Yes, I visited him in Pretoria
and he showed me around his cell.

It was very difficult for
him going back in there

because, you know, he's
got a back condition

and the ceiling was very low.

But, no, I keep that one.

The high school Rock Eisteddfod
stuff could probably go.

- Is that Christopher Pyne?
- Yeah.

Yeah, you don't want
to remember everything.

Rosebud?

I don't remember visiting Rosebud.

(SONNY LAUGHS)

Ow!

I get the impression you don't
really want this book written.

No, no, no, no, no. Well, I
want the book written, yeah.

It's just that I don't like the idea
of being the keeper of my own flame

for the rest of my life like
some of them do, you know?

I got boards to sit on
and dinners to speak after

and international
appointments to lobby for.

- And playing with your grandson.
- And playing with my grandson.

Actually, he's probably hiding
in one of those bloody boxes.

Myles. Myles!

Uh, he's not in the potting shed, Mr D.

And I checked down the ornamental well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, just try those boxes upstairs

with the polystyrene
beads 'cause he likes them.

Roger that.

Yes, pretty impressive, isn't it?

That was a personal gift to me
from the Chief Minister of Brussels.

Actually, we should
have our chat out here.

- It's quite pleasant, isn't it?
- Absolutely.

What shall we talk about?

Well, uh, your call. I'm an open book.

This thing has never worked, by the way.

How about your leadership
spill back in '93,

the whole thing with
you and Neil Blanchard?

One thing I would really like
to do is rip out all these trees

and have it re-landscaped

back to how it was before
European settlement.

Back to how it was before white
man came and ruined everything.

Do you want to talk about
your reconciliation policy?

God, no.

Although that... that preamble
we almost held the plebiscite on

remains one of my proudest achievements.

- (CATHERINE GRUNTS)
- (TENNIS BALL POPS)

- Shall we?
- (SONNY GRUNTS)

Is it important to you
how you're remembered?

Ah, well, I think history
will be the judge of that.

History was written by the
victors, though, wasn't it?

Yes, yes, Victor Hugo, Viktor Aurelius.

CATHERINE: Ohh!

Um, we should go over to
the North by Northwest wing

'cause it's getting a little hot here.

A little bit too sunny.

Ohh...

I won't be able to walk
for a week, Catherine.

Don't sell yourself short, Sonny,
you're much harder than Andrew.

Yeah, that's true.

Anyway, I'm not sure that
history is written by the victors.

I mean, I won four elections,
had a popularity rating of 76%.

No matter how much on
top you think you are,

there's always someone ready to
piss on you from a greater height.

You see, that's interesting.

That sort of vulnerability
in someone of your position

a lot of people would find surprising.

Can we talk more about that?

- Absolutely.
- Great. When you say...

Ooh, look at that!

Oh, there's a very
interesting story behind this.

This is Carol's.

I remember putting it up when
she was about five, I think.

She wanted to be a professional
basketballer when she grew up.

- I wanted to be David Marr.
- Ahh.

That's the trouble with
dreams, they're impractical.

Alright, show us what you've got.

See what happens when
you give me coffee?

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, I should warn you, though,
that my own backyard basketball skills

are just as rusty as my tennis.

It's the trade-off when
you're in public office.

I guess you didn't get
to play much with Carol?

Well, she was only five when I
put that up at regulation height,

so wouldn't have been much of
a contest even if I was home.

You could've just
lowered it a few inches.

No, that would've compromised
the integrity of the game.

Politicians compromise
all the time, don't they?

They compromise on strategy
but never principle.

That'd make a nice title.

Well, you can't use it 'cause I
stole it from a Robert Redford movie.

Brubaker, I think.

Alright, now watch this shot.

Bloody hell!

Much to the disappointment
of my mother, Mr Dugdale,

I think I'm going to
enjoy working with you.

I wouldn't count on it. I can
be bloody difficult sometimes.

- I'm not saying 'bloody' too much, am I?
- No, no.

- 'Cause, you know, you could lose a few.
- It's fine.

I think I picked it up
from that guy in our fridge.

This is just an apricot chat.

'Cause 'bloody' is OK
now and again, isn't it?

It's important to show people what
I'm like when I'm not on, isn't it?

- We can turn the mike off.
- No, no, no.

Just so long as it sounds like
I am being unguarded and real.

Andrew, have you lost our grandson?

Sorry, Mr D, she forced it out of me.

Hello!

We're playing hide-and-seek.

You should be proud he's
actually good at something.

I always thought he was a little...

What's the word people use
nowadays instead of backward?

- How long has he been missing?
- He's not missing. He's hiding.

How long, Myles?

Two and a half hours. Oh, sorry, Mr D.

Yeah, you would've been
great in Afghanistan, Myles...

you would've cracked
getting off the plane.

Two and a half hours? Andrew!

I'm calling the police.

Catherine, this is not Harold
Holt we're talking about, is it?

This is a small, easily concealed
six-year-old playing hide-and-seek

last seen somewhere on our property.

Yes, under your care and you lost him.

- Who's lost?
- Nobody's lost?

- Stefan.
- You lost Stefan, you fucking idiot?

Exactly.

No-one's lost. No-one's even missing.

I just heard you talking
about Harold Holt.

Well, he's missing, obviously. But
Stefan's out playing hide-and-seek.

It's not as if he's been spirited
away by a Chinese midget sub.

There was a Chinese midget here
this morning talking to Rita.

You're a liar, fat man.

That was Mr Han from the market.
He was delivering some fish, Curtis.

He's very short, though.

- Well, have you called the police?
- I'm the police.

The real police.

Look, you're all overreacting, alright?

Overreacting! Typical of this family.

You, you, you, you,
especially you, overreacting.

Alright? We don't need
a policeman manhunt.

This isn't like back
when before, years ago,

when that small child went missing.

You remember, it was
in all the newspapers.

- Is that the Lindbergh kidnapping?
- Oh, my God!

No, no, no, no, no, no.
They did that song. Um...

- Wrecking Ball?
- Little Boy Lost by Johnny Ashcroft.

(CLICKS FINGERS) That's it.

Talented man, he wrote
the Patriot Act, too.

15 more minutes and if
we haven't found him,

we're calling police
search-and-rescue, understand?

Absolutely.

Fucking idiot.

Apricot.

? BRIGHT ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC ?

? And their hopes
are slowly fading ?

? For this little boy lost ?

? And their hopes are slowly fading ?

? For this little boy lost ?

? A blaze of... ?

So, still think you're going
to enjoy working with me?

If the work ends up half as
interesting as the distractions,

then it'll be fascinating.

Aha-ha-ha!

Sauropod. Unless I'm very
much mistaken, he's close by.

- Shall I tell the others?
- No, no, no, no.

First rule of politics, Ellen,
take all the credit yourself.

Gotcha!

Oh.

(TRICKLING)

(STEFAN GIGGLING)

It's nearly dinnertime, Stef.
Don't forget to wash your hands.

(STEFAN GIGGLES)

Well, what it lacks in space,

it more than makes up
for in cardboard boxes.

Who knows what secrets I'll uncover?

Anyone you want to speak
to, anywhere you want to go.

Access all areas, eh?

Well, think of yourself as a VIP

and Andrew Dugdale as
a Wolfmother concert.

Mm.

I'd start with the top box on the left.

I don't think he's half as
difficult as he pretends, you know.

Wait till you ask him about
the Condoleezza Rice incident.

The what?

You'll see.

Well?

You've double-bluffed her.

She thinks you're not as bad as
your contriving not to appear.

Good.

Hey, Ma, it's me.

I know it's late. I drank coffee.

I'll be up till February.

Well, he hasn't mellowed as
much as Malcolm Fraser did.

But he's not quite as full of
himself as Kevin Rudd, either.

Somewhere in that velvet glove beats
the stone heart of a cold exterior.

- ANDREW: Let's celebrate.
- SONNY: Why not?

How about a second helping of
Rita's hot apple bungeoppang?

- Ooh.
- Maybe a brownie and a cigar.

- Yes.
- Watch a bit of Lateline.

They're ripping into Jason
Clare this week for balance.

- You had me at bungeoppang.
- (CHUCKLES)

Loyalty and integrity... they're
the things that sell best.

Um... I've been Andrew's
business manager for 20 years

but the truth is he's
more than the client.

Um, Andrew's been a
very loyal friend to me.

I mean, case in point, I've got to
wear this ridiculous ankle monitor.

Do you want to see one?

This is a top-of-the-range one.

I've got to wear one of these
due to some cock-up at ASIC

and it's very sensitive.

It literally goes off the
minute you step out the gate.

So, once a week, Andrew pops
around and gets my bins in for me.

And not a lot of ex-prime ministers
are gonna do that, are they?

You know, he doesn't mind
getting his hands dirty,

he's just like the common folk.

I think this is what made
him a great prime minister.

ELLEN: And who takes the bins out?

A guy called Curtis does that.

A very nice man. You'll
probably run into Curtis.

Curtis is a cracker if
you need anything done.

Just mention it to Curtis.

In fact, just think it.

Is he telepathic?

He's almost telepathic.

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