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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,758 --> 00:00:07,091 Hi, guys! Hello! 2 00:00:07,176 --> 00:00:08,876 Thank you. 3 00:00:08,928 --> 00:00:10,427 Wow. We got a great show. 4 00:00:10,780 --> 00:00:12,146 Oh, my God. 5 00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:13,371 - There's my Uncle Joe. - What? 6 00:00:13,396 --> 00:00:14,863 Say hi to my Uncle Joe. 7 00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,016 How are you, Joe? 8 00:00:16,041 --> 00:00:17,719 I can't feel my hip. 9 00:00:17,789 --> 00:00:18,872 - Can't feel your hip. - Aww... 10 00:00:18,957 --> 00:00:20,173 Well, I'm sorry about that. 11 00:00:20,743 --> 00:00:22,143 Aunt Brenda! There's my Aunt Brenda! 12 00:00:22,212 --> 00:00:23,492 Oh, you're kidding me! 13 00:00:23,517 --> 00:00:25,217 Billy, we're so proud of you, dear. 14 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,292 We're so very proud of you. 15 00:00:27,317 --> 00:00:28,616 Yeah, but, Aunt Brenda, what's... 16 00:00:28,918 --> 00:00:30,501 What's that thing on your neck? 17 00:00:30,587 --> 00:00:32,420 Oh, this? That's my goiter. 18 00:00:32,472 --> 00:00:33,754 I have a goiter. 19 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,056 It looks much smaller. 20 00:00:35,091 --> 00:00:36,757 Yeah, it's getting better. 21 00:00:36,843 --> 00:00:38,136 We're draining it. We're draining it weekly. 22 00:00:38,168 --> 00:00:39,505 I think you maybe should have that 23 00:00:39,530 --> 00:00:40,530 drained daily. 24 00:00:40,812 --> 00:00:42,112 Carry on. 25 00:00:42,265 --> 00:00:43,465 Man, I got to tell you, Billy, 26 00:00:43,483 --> 00:00:44,683 you are so unbelievably lucky. 27 00:00:44,684 --> 00:00:45,550 Yeah, I'm lucky. 28 00:00:45,575 --> 00:00:46,503 You have a... 29 00:00:46,528 --> 00:00:48,776 I mean, sure, I got Ira. 30 00:00:49,022 --> 00:00:49,690 Who's Ira? 31 00:00:49,715 --> 00:00:51,753 You know, he's the one who's always in the front. 32 00:00:51,778 --> 00:00:52,860 He loves pudding. 33 00:00:52,885 --> 00:00:54,972 I like pudding! 34 00:00:56,446 --> 00:00:58,412 Here you go. 35 00:00:58,448 --> 00:01:00,935 Fancy meeting you here, girl. 36 00:01:00,974 --> 00:01:02,917 [laughs] 'Sup, slugger? 37 00:01:02,952 --> 00:01:03,873 [laughing] "Slugger." 38 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,281 You're so adorable. 39 00:01:05,306 --> 00:01:06,662 So what do you want to drink? 40 00:01:06,687 --> 00:01:08,724 Um, I'll get my usual. 41 00:01:10,126 --> 00:01:12,844 Triple macchiato, no foam. 42 00:01:12,929 --> 00:01:14,045 Great. 43 00:01:14,130 --> 00:01:15,546 Wow. 44 00:01:15,632 --> 00:01:17,230 You have so many cool tats on your... 45 00:01:17,255 --> 00:01:18,788 - Thanks. - Yeah. 46 00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,695 What's, uh... May I? 47 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,186 What's that one above your Br... 48 00:01:22,211 --> 00:01:23,277 Uh, your shoulder? 49 00:01:23,302 --> 00:01:24,935 I bet there's a cool story behind that one. 50 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,308 It's a logo: FPE, Free Planet Earth. 51 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,609 It's this environmental organization 52 00:01:28,645 --> 00:01:29,894 I do a lot of work for. 53 00:01:29,979 --> 00:01:31,312 Oh, cool. Yeah. 54 00:01:31,364 --> 00:01:33,648 I, uh... I love Earth too. 55 00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:34,733 I'm very pro it. 56 00:01:34,817 --> 00:01:36,150 That's awesome. 57 00:01:36,236 --> 00:01:37,876 Yeah, I'm thinking about getting a Tesla... 58 00:01:37,904 --> 00:01:39,036 No gas. 59 00:01:39,122 --> 00:01:40,321 You know, foreign oil... 60 00:01:40,373 --> 00:01:42,490 Meh, that noise, right? 61 00:01:42,542 --> 00:01:44,909 It's super expensive, but, shit, 62 00:01:44,994 --> 00:01:46,961 it's for Earth, right, our planet. 63 00:01:46,996 --> 00:01:47,996 Yeah, totally. 64 00:01:48,081 --> 00:01:49,130 Billy Crystal has one, 65 00:01:49,165 --> 00:01:50,498 my costar Billy Crystal 66 00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:51,983 from my new series that's premiering 67 00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:53,001 in a couple of weeks. 68 00:01:53,086 --> 00:01:53,859 You know Billy Crystal? 69 00:01:53,884 --> 00:01:55,633 Know him? We're like brothers. 70 00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:57,875 He's like my really old brother. 71 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:58,900 That's cool. 72 00:01:58,925 --> 00:02:00,610 You know, this Friday, we're having this event. 73 00:02:00,635 --> 00:02:01,188 Yeah? 74 00:02:01,213 --> 00:02:03,508 And if the two of you came, it would be epic. 75 00:02:03,594 --> 00:02:04,927 There's gonna be music, amazing speeches, 76 00:02:05,012 --> 00:02:06,132 and all the food is freegan. 77 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,453 Yeah, you know, it's not really 78 00:02:07,464 --> 00:02:09,741 a matter of the food costing any money. 79 00:02:09,766 --> 00:02:12,920 It's just, Billy's a pretty busy guy. 80 00:02:12,945 --> 00:02:13,928 Oh... 81 00:02:13,953 --> 00:02:15,108 You're not gonna break my heart, 82 00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:16,274 are you? 83 00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:21,188 - You've gotta be kidding me... - Sorry it just sort of popped out 84 00:02:21,189 --> 00:02:23,444 Well pop it back in. 85 00:02:23,469 --> 00:02:24,397 Yes! 86 00:02:24,422 --> 00:02:25,442 That's what I'm talking about... 87 00:02:25,467 --> 00:02:26,524 "Pop it back in." 88 00:02:26,571 --> 00:02:29,622 This banter that we have, this gentle ribbing, 89 00:02:29,657 --> 00:02:30,990 if we were to apply even a little bit 90 00:02:31,075 --> 00:02:33,641 of that chemistry to a charity event, 91 00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:34,798 could you imagine? 92 00:02:34,823 --> 00:02:36,412 It could be incredible. 93 00:02:37,104 --> 00:02:38,635 You want to bang this girl, don't you? 94 00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:39,619 Why do you do that? 95 00:02:39,644 --> 00:02:41,500 Why do you immediately jump 96 00:02:41,525 --> 00:02:43,108 to the most cynical place when it comes to me? 97 00:02:43,194 --> 00:02:44,827 Have you ever thought maybe 98 00:02:44,912 --> 00:02:46,578 just being around you the past couple of months 99 00:02:46,614 --> 00:02:47,778 has inspired me, 100 00:02:47,803 --> 00:02:49,419 seeing all the charitable work that you do? 101 00:02:49,444 --> 00:02:51,427 Perhaps it has given me an impetus 102 00:02:51,452 --> 00:02:53,752 to want to be the best version of myself, 103 00:02:53,787 --> 00:02:55,621 to give back? 104 00:02:55,673 --> 00:02:56,788 She's really hot, huh? 105 00:02:56,874 --> 00:02:57,874 So hot. 106 00:02:57,875 --> 00:02:58,786 Oh, God, Josh. 107 00:02:58,817 --> 00:03:00,450 But she's got the kind of face 108 00:03:00,535 --> 00:03:02,785 that you just don't imagine 109 00:03:02,871 --> 00:03:04,871 that there's gonna be these huge tits, 110 00:03:04,906 --> 00:03:07,960 and then you look down, and there they are, 111 00:03:07,985 --> 00:03:11,077 these huge-ass tit... Titties. 112 00:03:11,921 --> 00:03:14,677 (Billy) Charity is very important to me, obviously. 113 00:03:14,702 --> 00:03:17,550 Comic Relief alone, we raised almost $70 million 114 00:03:17,619 --> 00:03:18,951 to help the homeless, 115 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:20,753 and that's just the tip of the iceberg. 116 00:03:20,839 --> 00:03:22,588 I must get five or six requests a week 117 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,090 to make appearances. 118 00:03:24,142 --> 00:03:26,509 Last night, I did an appearance to raise money... 119 00:03:26,594 --> 00:03:29,228 Well, shoes for inner city kids. 120 00:03:29,264 --> 00:03:31,503 Well, Esme, Esme... 121 00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:32,598 Yes, friend? 122 00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:35,268 Uh, in my office... Do me a favor, please... 123 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,520 There's a big box of sneakers and athletic stuff 124 00:03:37,605 --> 00:03:38,855 from the charity last night. 125 00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:40,300 Do you mind putting that in my car? 126 00:03:40,358 --> 00:03:41,607 All the way across the lot? 127 00:03:41,659 --> 00:03:42,741 Yeah, do you mind? 128 00:03:42,766 --> 00:03:43,890 My daughter likes to go through it. 129 00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:45,588 Oh, yeah, good for her. 130 00:03:45,613 --> 00:03:47,113 Anyway, so when Josh asked me 131 00:03:47,165 --> 00:03:48,831 about this charity... 132 00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,283 (Josh) I'm sorry, all right? 133 00:03:50,335 --> 00:03:51,584 I'm sorry to drag you into my shit. 134 00:03:51,619 --> 00:03:52,710 I really am. 135 00:03:52,735 --> 00:03:55,999 I've just been... Mess ever since my divorce. 136 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:57,123 Divorce? 137 00:03:57,175 --> 00:03:58,791 - Yeah. - What divorce? 138 00:03:58,843 --> 00:04:00,123 I didn't tell you I got divorced? 139 00:04:00,128 --> 00:04:01,544 You didn't tell me you were married. 140 00:04:01,629 --> 00:04:02,709 Yeah, it was when I was 24, 141 00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,047 a really stupid post-college, 142 00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:06,382 "I'm getting laid; 143 00:04:06,467 --> 00:04:08,017 "let's go to Atlantic City 144 00:04:08,102 --> 00:04:09,552 and make a tragic mistake that lasts three months" 145 00:04:09,637 --> 00:04:11,020 kind of thing. 146 00:04:11,105 --> 00:04:13,531 Anyway, I haven't been right ever since. 147 00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:17,120 You realize you're asking me 148 00:04:17,145 --> 00:04:18,705 to be the most expensive sexual aid 149 00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:20,253 in the history of the world? 150 00:04:20,278 --> 00:04:21,184 No. 151 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:23,338 Cleopatra had a dildo made of ivory. 152 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:24,254 How do you know that? 153 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:25,520 I watch a lot of History Channel. 154 00:04:25,545 --> 00:04:26,629 (man) And picture's up! 155 00:04:26,654 --> 00:04:27,820 All right. 156 00:04:28,363 --> 00:04:29,167 You want to run lines? 157 00:04:29,192 --> 00:04:30,168 Yeah, let's do it. 158 00:04:30,193 --> 00:04:31,145 Why, Colonel, so nice to have you 159 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,075 back on the plantation. 160 00:04:33,099 --> 00:04:35,324 Shut up and give me what I've been looking for. 161 00:04:35,355 --> 00:04:36,988 - That's not the line. - Uh, what is it? 162 00:04:36,989 --> 00:04:38,165 - Lines? - *** 163 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:40,010 (off camera) "I'm a Southern gentleman..." 164 00:04:40,035 --> 00:04:41,520 - Oh, okay. - That's it. That's it. 165 00:04:41,545 --> 00:04:42,661 - Ready? - Yeah. 166 00:04:42,686 --> 00:04:45,126 Why, Colonel, so nice to have you 167 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,100 back on the plantation. 168 00:04:46,125 --> 00:04:47,405 Is there anything I can get you? 169 00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:48,636 I'm a Southern gener... 170 00:04:48,661 --> 00:04:49,854 Gen... general? South... 171 00:04:49,879 --> 00:04:50,854 (man) "Gentleman"! 172 00:04:50,879 --> 00:04:52,223 - I'm a Southern... - We got it. 173 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:54,432 This is the longest light in L.A. 174 00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:58,419 Man... 175 00:04:58,504 --> 00:04:59,504 Hey, Chief. 176 00:04:59,505 --> 00:05:00,588 I know this guy. 177 00:05:00,673 --> 00:05:01,889 I give him money almost every day. 178 00:05:01,924 --> 00:05:02,924 Hey, Billy Crystal. 179 00:05:02,925 --> 00:05:04,120 Hey, how you doing? 180 00:05:04,145 --> 00:05:06,594 You don't have to call me by both my names, you know? 181 00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:08,596 You and I, we're way past that, my friend. 182 00:05:08,681 --> 00:05:10,014 - Am I right? - You're right. 183 00:05:10,099 --> 00:05:11,432 How you doing out there today? 184 00:05:11,484 --> 00:05:12,644 Oh, it's hot as shit out here. 185 00:05:12,652 --> 00:05:13,767 Hot as shit, yeah, I know. 186 00:05:13,853 --> 00:05:15,319 Well, try to find some shade, right? 187 00:05:15,404 --> 00:05:16,937 You know, I'm looking for it all the time. 188 00:05:17,023 --> 00:05:18,405 Yeah, I know. I understand. 189 00:05:18,441 --> 00:05:20,107 Hey, look, can I give you something? 190 00:05:20,193 --> 00:05:22,159 Please? Can I? 191 00:05:22,848 --> 00:05:24,111 Y'all making a movie? 192 00:05:24,197 --> 00:05:25,696 It's a documentary 193 00:05:25,781 --> 00:05:27,531 about my return to television, uh, 194 00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:28,999 with another guy. 195 00:05:29,832 --> 00:05:30,835 Would you mind? 196 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,336 Make me feel good. 197 00:05:32,738 --> 00:05:33,587 All right? 198 00:05:33,623 --> 00:05:34,623 Thanks, Crystal. 199 00:05:34,707 --> 00:05:35,923 [laughs] He picked "Crystal." 200 00:05:35,958 --> 00:05:37,424 That wouldn't have been my choice. 201 00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:39,126 Boy, it's so sad, you know, 202 00:05:39,212 --> 00:05:40,964 what's happening in America, 203 00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:42,699 somebody like this... 204 00:05:42,724 --> 00:05:45,493 Oh, wow! 20! Holy shit! 205 00:05:45,518 --> 00:05:48,219 This is way more than you usually give a mother... 206 00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:49,803 And, um, it just makes you feel good 207 00:05:49,889 --> 00:05:52,403 that you can do the right thing. 208 00:05:53,359 --> 00:05:56,477 (man) We are one out away from baseball history. 209 00:05:56,529 --> 00:05:58,028 The crowd is on the edge of its seat, 210 00:05:58,114 --> 00:05:59,813 and Miller wants to talk it over on the mound. 211 00:05:59,899 --> 00:06:01,532 I'm gonna throw him a couple of fastballs 212 00:06:01,617 --> 00:06:02,897 on the fence, and we'll make him 213 00:06:02,902 --> 00:06:04,735 chase a slider low and away. 214 00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:06,487 I love you. 215 00:06:08,824 --> 00:06:10,040 Let's not talk about this. 216 00:06:10,126 --> 00:06:11,458 I am pitching a perfect game. 217 00:06:11,494 --> 00:06:14,328 I know, but I love you so much. 218 00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:16,330 Just get back behind the plate. 219 00:06:16,415 --> 00:06:17,615 We'll talk about this at home. 220 00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:18,999 You're my everything. 221 00:06:22,138 --> 00:06:23,387 Hey, you got a second? 222 00:06:23,472 --> 00:06:25,339 Oh, yes. Yes, of course, yeah. 223 00:06:25,391 --> 00:06:27,725 Um, you know I drive a Tesla, 224 00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:29,090 you know, 'cause I don't want to, 225 00:06:29,095 --> 00:06:30,322 you know, up the environment. 226 00:06:30,347 --> 00:06:31,845 Yes, thank you. 227 00:06:31,898 --> 00:06:33,847 It's the least I could do. 228 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:36,267 But I live a long way away, you know, in the Palisades. 229 00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:37,472 It's... It's a long drive in. 230 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,602 Right. 231 00:06:38,688 --> 00:06:40,321 So I was thinking 232 00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:43,357 that in my parking spot, we could put a charger. 233 00:06:43,409 --> 00:06:44,609 - Oh, okay. - Electric charger. 234 00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:46,110 Then I could charge the car up, 235 00:06:46,195 --> 00:06:49,269 so at the end of the day, I could be fully charged. 236 00:06:49,293 --> 00:06:50,746 I am on it. I will get it done. 237 00:06:50,770 --> 00:06:52,511 Perfect, see? Kristen, you're terrific. 238 00:06:52,535 --> 00:06:53,957 I don't know why Josh always puts 239 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,316 you down, cause I think you're great. 240 00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:56,171 What does he say about me? 241 00:06:56,172 --> 00:06:57,418 - I'm just kidding. 242 00:06:57,443 --> 00:06:59,790 [laughs] Just some gentle ribbing. 243 00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:00,875 Gentle ribbing. 244 00:07:00,876 --> 00:07:01,876 I'll see you later. 245 00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:02,877 [laughing and sobbing] 246 00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:03,878 What's the matter? 247 00:07:03,879 --> 00:07:04,626 You're crying. 248 00:07:04,651 --> 00:07:05,990 No, no, no. 249 00:07:06,015 --> 00:07:07,191 I mean... I mean, yes. 250 00:07:07,216 --> 00:07:09,300 Earlier I was crying but not at work. 251 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:10,551 What happened? 252 00:07:10,603 --> 00:07:11,969 I had to put my dog down. 253 00:07:12,054 --> 00:07:13,687 Oh, that's hard. 254 00:07:13,723 --> 00:07:14,855 I'm very sorry about that. 255 00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:15,973 He was very old. 256 00:07:16,058 --> 00:07:17,224 You know what? 257 00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:18,830 You have to just take care of yourself. 258 00:07:18,894 --> 00:07:20,014 Your dog's in a better place. 259 00:07:20,029 --> 00:07:20,894 Yes, you're right. 260 00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:22,229 So... 261 00:07:24,081 --> 00:07:26,042 You know, at the end there, 262 00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:28,300 he was... He was not continent. 263 00:07:29,238 --> 00:07:30,904 He was incontinent. 264 00:07:30,990 --> 00:07:32,406 - Oh... - Got tough. 265 00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:33,874 That's... yeah, that's... But you know what? 266 00:07:33,909 --> 00:07:35,189 That's the time you got to do it. 267 00:07:35,244 --> 00:07:36,410 Actually it had been going on 268 00:07:36,495 --> 00:07:38,746 for a couple of years, I'd say. 269 00:07:38,831 --> 00:07:41,081 Of course, he had to sleep in my bed. 270 00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:42,750 [sobs] 271 00:07:42,835 --> 00:07:44,885 He just had the best sense of humor. 272 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,212 He had a sense of humor? 273 00:07:46,237 --> 00:07:49,506 Nobody would get my jokes like he would, I mean... 274 00:07:49,592 --> 00:07:51,225 And he would laugh? He would actually laugh? 275 00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:52,426 He would laugh. 276 00:07:52,511 --> 00:07:53,727 How does a dog laugh? What was... 277 00:07:53,763 --> 00:07:55,157 [panting] 278 00:07:56,265 --> 00:07:58,159 Hey, that's a... That's a nice box. 279 00:07:58,184 --> 00:07:59,850 This is a beautiful box. 280 00:07:59,935 --> 00:08:01,151 Yeah, I got it from my vet. 281 00:08:04,607 --> 00:08:06,073 Frederick was your... 282 00:08:06,108 --> 00:08:07,861 Yeah. 283 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,993 All right. 284 00:08:12,281 --> 00:08:13,454 So, uh, the charger? 285 00:08:13,479 --> 00:08:15,282 You'll take care of the charger? 286 00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:17,251 Oh, yes, I will get it done. 287 00:08:17,286 --> 00:08:18,369 You got it. [clicks tongue] 288 00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,004 Okay, thanks. Come on, boy. 289 00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:21,126 Come on, boy. 290 00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:23,590 I'm gonna take him around the studio. 291 00:08:23,626 --> 00:08:25,759 Thank you. Thanks. 292 00:08:25,795 --> 00:08:26,960 Jesus... 293 00:08:27,046 --> 00:08:28,178 Hey, Billy. Hey. 294 00:08:28,264 --> 00:08:29,129 Oh, hi, Mitch. 295 00:08:29,215 --> 00:08:30,381 Hey, you got a sec? 296 00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:31,682 Uh, sure. What's up? 297 00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:32,927 Did you have a chance to read 298 00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:34,351 the "Sasquatch and Son" sketch? 299 00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:36,854 Uh, which one was that? 300 00:08:36,939 --> 00:08:38,138 - I'm just joking. - Oh! 301 00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:39,640 No, no, no, but, you know, I think, 302 00:08:39,725 --> 00:08:41,369 honestly, the characters are a little underdeveloped. 303 00:08:41,394 --> 00:08:42,142 Oh. 304 00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:43,064 I mean, they're father and son. 305 00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,139 They own a junkyard. They both have huge feet. 306 00:08:45,164 --> 00:08:46,608 - Right. - You know, I just think 307 00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:47,561 there's probably more to do... 308 00:08:47,586 --> 00:08:48,850 - Yeah. - You know, about Sasquatches. 309 00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:50,147 Yeah, I guess that's... that's... 310 00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:51,337 Hey, what is that? 311 00:08:51,671 --> 00:08:53,328 - Oh. - That is a... may I? 312 00:08:53,406 --> 00:08:54,646 Oh, please. That's my new chair. 313 00:08:54,657 --> 00:08:56,156 Your new... wow. 314 00:08:56,208 --> 00:08:57,458 Yeah. It's the new one. 315 00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:58,826 It's got the extra lumbar support. 316 00:08:58,911 --> 00:09:00,377 I believe it was tested on astronauts 317 00:09:00,463 --> 00:09:01,662 or some shit like that. 318 00:09:01,747 --> 00:09:02,747 Wow. It's fantas... 319 00:09:02,748 --> 00:09:03,831 - Look at this. - Yeah. 320 00:09:03,883 --> 00:09:05,194 - It just moves like... - Yeah. 321 00:09:05,475 --> 00:09:07,491 It's completely silent, frictionless. 322 00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:10,374 - Ball bearings? Really? - I don't even know, I, I, 323 00:09:10,398 --> 00:09:11,703 Yeah, why even ask at that point. 324 00:09:11,728 --> 00:09:12,944 It's just so perfect. 325 00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:15,649 Tada. 326 00:09:15,674 --> 00:09:17,121 - Wow. - Yeah. 327 00:09:17,146 --> 00:09:18,228 Welcome to my world. 328 00:09:18,314 --> 00:09:19,314 Oh... 329 00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:20,481 Yeah, it's pretty sweet. 330 00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:21,682 Look at this. 331 00:09:21,734 --> 00:09:23,016 Keeps going back just until 332 00:09:23,069 --> 00:09:24,568 you want that resistance, and then... 333 00:09:24,653 --> 00:09:25,602 - There it is. - It's there. 334 00:09:25,688 --> 00:09:27,521 It's like sitting on... 335 00:09:27,606 --> 00:09:30,107 What's the actress who was in Precious? 336 00:09:30,192 --> 00:09:31,525 Gabourey Sidibe. 337 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:32,610 It's like sitting on her. 338 00:09:32,695 --> 00:09:33,944 [laughs] 339 00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,529 But I didn't mean that in a bad way. 340 00:09:35,614 --> 00:09:37,281 I meant that in a good way. 341 00:09:37,366 --> 00:09:38,165 Right. It's not a race... 342 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,366 Not at all. 343 00:09:39,452 --> 00:09:40,534 It's not a weight thing. 344 00:09:40,619 --> 00:09:41,619 She's so... [stammers] 345 00:09:41,704 --> 00:09:42,864 Beautiful, that you could sit. 346 00:09:42,872 --> 00:09:43,872 Yes. 347 00:09:43,873 --> 00:09:45,089 And it'll be soft. 348 00:09:45,174 --> 00:09:46,540 It'll be great and just welcoming. 349 00:09:46,592 --> 00:09:47,712 - Her spirit... - I love her. 350 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:48,709 I think she's an amazing actress. 351 00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:49,724 Oh, the best. 352 00:09:49,749 --> 00:09:51,165 - I would love to... - So talented. 353 00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,443 - Develop something with her. - Oh, yeah. 354 00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:53,774 We'd be fun together. 355 00:09:53,799 --> 00:09:54,799 Oh, that would be awesome. 356 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:55,966 - Police team? - Yep. 357 00:09:56,051 --> 00:09:57,935 You know, but this, this is fantastic. 358 00:09:58,020 --> 00:09:59,020 Yeah. 359 00:09:59,054 --> 00:10:00,137 Wow. 360 00:10:00,222 --> 00:10:01,605 Yeah, swivel. 361 00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:03,107 It's the best $1,700 I ever spent. 362 00:10:03,192 --> 00:10:04,441 $1,700? 363 00:10:04,527 --> 00:10:05,692 Yeah, out of my own pocket, yeah. 364 00:10:05,728 --> 00:10:06,642 'Cause I don't have a good chair, 365 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:07,450 and I have a bad back; I have a little... 366 00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:08,168 Oh, really? 367 00:10:08,193 --> 00:10:10,391 Compression in my lower spine. 368 00:10:10,399 --> 00:10:10,977 Ooh. 369 00:10:11,002 --> 00:10:13,972 Yeah, sometimes my feet get all tingly and weird... 370 00:10:13,997 --> 00:10:15,379 Oh, man. That sucks. 371 00:10:15,404 --> 00:10:17,371 And pain down the back of my... my hamstrings. 372 00:10:17,406 --> 00:10:18,572 - It's awful. - Wow. 373 00:10:18,657 --> 00:10:20,207 But this, I don't feel anything, right? 374 00:10:20,242 --> 00:10:21,575 Look at... well, look what I can do. 375 00:10:21,627 --> 00:10:22,627 - Ooh. - Look at me. 376 00:10:22,628 --> 00:10:23,827 Miracle. 377 00:10:23,913 --> 00:10:25,245 I'm Greg Louganis behind a desk. 378 00:10:25,297 --> 00:10:26,380 [laughs] 379 00:10:26,415 --> 00:10:27,548 - You know what I mean? - Yeah. 380 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:28,916 Look at this. This is fantastic. 381 00:10:28,968 --> 00:10:29,968 - That's awesome. - God. 382 00:10:29,969 --> 00:10:30,969 Yeah. 383 00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:32,553 Really great. 384 00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:34,626 Amazing. Hmm. 385 00:10:39,061 --> 00:10:40,928 [as Eleanor Roosevelt] "Franklin, the Stalins are here." 386 00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,429 (Mitch) Uh-oh. 387 00:10:42,481 --> 00:10:45,432 Fala went poo-poo in the East Room. 388 00:10:45,484 --> 00:10:48,519 Polio stuff... It's back. 389 00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:50,938 This is really something. 390 00:10:53,492 --> 00:10:55,699 Wow. 391 00:10:56,230 --> 00:10:57,230 . 392 00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:01,852 (Billy) I decided to make an appearance 393 00:11:01,877 --> 00:11:03,416 at Josh's charity event. 394 00:11:03,441 --> 00:11:04,587 He doesn't know I'm coming, 395 00:11:04,612 --> 00:11:05,811 so this should be a nice surprise. 396 00:11:06,301 --> 00:11:07,767 You mind if I, uh... 397 00:11:07,853 --> 00:11:09,719 If I smoke, if I roll down my window? 398 00:11:09,771 --> 00:11:10,771 [sighs] 399 00:11:10,772 --> 00:11:11,888 That cool? 400 00:11:11,974 --> 00:11:13,273 Will you give me five stars? 401 00:11:13,358 --> 00:11:14,941 Yeah, absolutely. I'll do it right now. 402 00:11:15,027 --> 00:11:16,226 Okay. Open the window. 403 00:11:16,311 --> 00:11:17,394 What? 404 00:11:17,446 --> 00:11:18,612 The window. The window. 405 00:11:18,697 --> 00:11:20,147 Yeah? Sorry. 406 00:11:20,232 --> 00:11:21,948 (Billy) I mean, I give him a lot of crap, 407 00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:24,568 but he's a good kid, and he's doing the right thing, 408 00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:28,321 for the wrong reason, but he's doing the right thing. 409 00:11:28,407 --> 00:11:30,874 Okay. Here we are. 410 00:11:30,909 --> 00:11:32,075 What are you doing? 411 00:11:32,127 --> 00:11:33,293 This can't be it. 412 00:11:33,378 --> 00:11:34,828 This can't be it. 413 00:11:34,913 --> 00:11:36,513 This is the address you gave me, bro-bro. 414 00:11:36,582 --> 00:11:40,250 And by the way, no take-backs on the rating, eh? 415 00:11:40,302 --> 00:11:42,219 What? 416 00:11:42,254 --> 00:11:43,420 Hey! 417 00:11:43,472 --> 00:11:44,387 - Hey. - You made it. 418 00:11:44,423 --> 00:11:45,423 [all booing] 419 00:11:45,474 --> 00:11:46,673 Why are they booing me? 420 00:11:46,758 --> 00:11:48,475 Oh, they're not booing you. 421 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,427 They're booing that gas-guzzling piece of shit! 422 00:11:50,512 --> 00:11:51,678 Hi. 423 00:11:51,763 --> 00:11:52,929 This tux is classic, by the way. 424 00:11:52,981 --> 00:11:53,981 Super funny. 425 00:11:53,982 --> 00:11:55,232 That's what I... 426 00:11:55,267 --> 00:11:56,547 Oh, that's what I was going for. 427 00:11:56,602 --> 00:11:58,602 Now, this is, like, a tailgate thing 428 00:11:58,654 --> 00:12:02,105 and then a shuttle comes and takes us to the event? 429 00:12:02,157 --> 00:12:03,690 Shuttle? Yeah, exactly. 430 00:12:03,775 --> 00:12:04,658 [chuckles] 431 00:12:04,743 --> 00:12:05,859 So this is the stage. 432 00:12:05,944 --> 00:12:07,224 There's some great freegan food. 433 00:12:07,279 --> 00:12:08,879 And there's gonna be a drum circle later. 434 00:12:08,914 --> 00:12:10,030 Hey, do you want something to drink? 435 00:12:10,115 --> 00:12:11,198 So this is it. 436 00:12:11,283 --> 00:12:13,950 This is the event. Here. 437 00:12:14,002 --> 00:12:15,002 This stage. 438 00:12:15,037 --> 00:12:16,453 Yeah. 439 00:12:16,505 --> 00:12:18,185 I mean, we're gonna go burn some SUVs later 440 00:12:18,207 --> 00:12:20,007 at the car dealership, but... set 'em on fire. 441 00:12:20,042 --> 00:12:21,341 But, yeah, this is the event. 442 00:12:21,426 --> 00:12:22,676 Are you okay? 443 00:12:22,761 --> 00:12:24,377 That's horrible. Yeah. 444 00:12:24,463 --> 00:12:27,013 Um, that last part that you said back there 445 00:12:27,099 --> 00:12:30,016 about the burning of... SUVs was it? 446 00:12:30,102 --> 00:12:31,134 Yeah, we might just throw bricks at 'em. 447 00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:32,302 We'll see. 448 00:12:32,387 --> 00:12:33,547 We're gonna put it to a vote. 449 00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:34,854 Oh. Okay. 450 00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:35,972 What's up? 451 00:12:36,058 --> 00:12:37,357 Oh, nothing. 452 00:12:37,442 --> 00:12:38,762 Thank God Billy's not coming, huh? 453 00:12:38,777 --> 00:12:40,026 Wait. What? Billy's not coming? 454 00:12:40,112 --> 00:12:41,645 What? You heard from him? 455 00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:43,402 No, you just said that. 456 00:12:44,949 --> 00:12:46,616 I didn't think you heard that. 457 00:12:46,652 --> 00:12:48,034 I don't get it. 458 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,654 How could every street be one way the wrong way? 459 00:12:50,739 --> 00:12:52,706 Make one wrong turn, and I'm lost. 460 00:12:52,791 --> 00:12:54,708 The on-ramp is there. I can see it. 461 00:12:54,793 --> 00:12:56,126 Come on, Tesla. Help me out here. 462 00:12:56,161 --> 00:12:57,544 I'm stuck. 463 00:12:57,629 --> 00:12:59,129 I'm like in an Escher painting here 464 00:12:59,164 --> 00:13:01,548 or something. 465 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,962 Oh, that taco stand looks good. 466 00:13:04,978 --> 00:13:07,907 Oh no. No, no no. 467 00:13:08,173 --> 00:13:10,173 Dammit! Now where the hell am I? 468 00:13:10,654 --> 00:13:12,988 [organ playing cheerful melody] 469 00:13:13,235 --> 00:13:14,602 Set him up with the outside slider... 470 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,142 Uh-huh. 471 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:16,267 And then we'll come in with the heat. 472 00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:16,977 Good plan. 473 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:19,602 Are we gonna talk about what happened last night? 474 00:13:19,627 --> 00:13:21,759 Because you said some pretty hurtful stuff. 475 00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:23,601 Well, you know, sometimes I say 476 00:13:23,626 --> 00:13:25,789 some hurtful stuff when I am feeling hurt. 477 00:13:25,814 --> 00:13:26,977 You go out with your friends... 478 00:13:26,985 --> 00:13:28,360 Don't do this. Don't do this. 479 00:13:28,385 --> 00:13:30,153 I'm at home with a bottle of chardonnay cooling 480 00:13:30,238 --> 00:13:31,404 and the Kathy Griffin special on DVR, 481 00:13:31,489 --> 00:13:32,622 and you don't even text me. 482 00:13:32,657 --> 00:13:33,990 - You didn't. - You bet I did. 483 00:13:34,075 --> 00:13:35,241 - You didn't. - And you know what? 484 00:13:35,327 --> 00:13:36,492 It was hilarious. 485 00:13:36,578 --> 00:13:37,978 She does a duet with Anderson Cooper 486 00:13:37,996 --> 00:13:38,878 you won't believe. 487 00:13:38,964 --> 00:13:39,979 You little whore. 488 00:13:40,549 --> 00:13:42,439 We still good with the slider, right? 489 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:44,000 - Oh, yeah. - Okay, great. 490 00:13:44,085 --> 00:13:46,697 See, this is why I need a charger at work. 491 00:13:46,722 --> 00:13:48,638 You know, I mean, it's a perfect example. 492 00:13:48,673 --> 00:13:49,775 Kristen is great, 493 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,228 but she's so distracted by this dog thing... 494 00:13:51,253 --> 00:13:52,018 Crystal! 495 00:13:52,810 --> 00:13:53,666 Ha! 496 00:13:53,691 --> 00:13:55,880 - Oh, boy. - Hey, Chief! 497 00:13:55,986 --> 00:13:57,064 How you doing? 498 00:13:57,089 --> 00:13:58,422 What a coincidence, huh? 499 00:13:58,447 --> 00:14:00,747 Of all the gin joints in all the world... 500 00:14:00,772 --> 00:14:01,682 Your car broke? 501 00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:03,330 Uh, yeah, you know what? 502 00:14:03,355 --> 00:14:05,321 It didn't break. The battery ran down. 503 00:14:05,614 --> 00:14:07,230 Why don't you just get some gas? 504 00:14:07,315 --> 00:14:08,815 - There's a gas station... - You don't need gas. 505 00:14:08,867 --> 00:14:10,283 You don't need gas, Chief. It's all electric. 506 00:14:10,318 --> 00:14:11,568 See, this is what I get 507 00:14:11,653 --> 00:14:12,796 for trying to solve global warming. 508 00:14:12,821 --> 00:14:14,681 You know? Which is a very real thing. 509 00:14:14,706 --> 00:14:15,989 Yes, it is. 510 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,992 You know, hey, you know what? 511 00:14:19,044 --> 00:14:21,161 Here's... I got 40 bucks here, 512 00:14:21,246 --> 00:14:22,328 for the weekend, you know? 513 00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:23,380 For the weekend? 514 00:14:23,415 --> 00:14:24,497 Yeah, weekend's coming up, 515 00:14:24,549 --> 00:14:25,749 so that should be good for you. 516 00:14:25,751 --> 00:14:27,050 Do you know what? 517 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,146 You is a white boy in this neighborhood 518 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,193 with a fancy suit and a nice car, 519 00:14:30,218 --> 00:14:31,513 so I'll tell you what, 520 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,146 you shouldn't be out here alone, 521 00:14:33,171 --> 00:14:34,974 so I'm gonna be your bodyguard. 522 00:14:37,013 --> 00:14:38,394 All right. 523 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,146 Uh, you know what I'm gonna do? 524 00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:41,681 I'm just gonna go in the car 525 00:14:41,767 --> 00:14:42,816 and make some calls. 526 00:14:42,851 --> 00:14:43,595 It's a free country. 527 00:14:44,439 --> 00:14:45,068 It is. 528 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:45,623 Yes. 529 00:14:45,648 --> 00:14:46,493 All right. 530 00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:47,790 [car chirps] 531 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,913 I do a lot of charity work. 532 00:14:56,998 --> 00:14:58,865 Turns out he has a prior commitment, 533 00:14:58,950 --> 00:15:02,252 uh, actually another pro-Earth event, 534 00:15:02,337 --> 00:15:03,369 a different one. 535 00:15:03,421 --> 00:15:04,704 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. 536 00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:05,986 Well, I just found out. I just found out. 537 00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:09,759 Now, getting back to the whole, um, 538 00:15:09,845 --> 00:15:12,182 destroying SUVs of it all... 539 00:15:12,207 --> 00:15:14,791 Damn, man! These is nice! 540 00:15:14,816 --> 00:15:16,099 Don't know about the color, 541 00:15:16,184 --> 00:15:17,383 but you know what they say: 542 00:15:17,469 --> 00:15:18,909 Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. 543 00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:20,839 Beggars can't be... In the mouth. 544 00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,259 We're gonna be doing 545 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,477 a drum circle in a little while, 546 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:30,895 so hang around for that. 547 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,597 Oh, and thanks again, Debbie, for bringing 548 00:15:32,649 --> 00:15:34,265 the gluten-free pasta; it was delicious. 549 00:15:34,317 --> 00:15:35,516 Everybody give Debbie a hand. 550 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,184 And now I want to welcome to the stage 551 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,927 our celebrity spokesperson, who has a few words to say. 552 00:15:40,952 --> 00:15:42,032 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 553 00:15:42,070 --> 00:15:43,569 No, thank you. 554 00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:45,435 No, I'm, uh... I'm just a guest. 555 00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:48,061 Oh, come on, please... Get up here 556 00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:51,552 *** Hollywood superstar anyone? 557 00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:53,579 [cheers and applause] 558 00:15:53,665 --> 00:15:54,665 Thank you. 559 00:15:56,968 --> 00:15:58,008 Hey... [feedback screeches] 560 00:15:58,052 --> 00:15:59,168 Hey there. 561 00:15:59,254 --> 00:16:01,053 Put the phones down! 562 00:16:01,089 --> 00:16:02,972 I don't want anyone filming this. 563 00:16:03,057 --> 00:16:05,258 Oh... 564 00:16:05,343 --> 00:16:09,474 What can be said that my good friend, barista, 565 00:16:09,499 --> 00:16:11,427 hasn't already said? 566 00:16:11,452 --> 00:16:13,766 You know, you guys are an inspiration, 567 00:16:13,818 --> 00:16:17,844 you know, just to turn up for an event like this, 568 00:16:18,219 --> 00:16:21,117 not that this event is a shitty one. 569 00:16:21,219 --> 00:16:22,525 It's not shitty at all. 570 00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:24,493 Not... That's what I'm saying. 571 00:16:24,579 --> 00:16:26,245 It has an authentic feel 572 00:16:26,281 --> 00:16:29,615 of what the people, homeless or otherwise, would... 573 00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:31,450 Not that you guys look homeless. 574 00:16:31,502 --> 00:16:33,786 It's just, the environment feels familiar 575 00:16:33,871 --> 00:16:35,621 to that demographic. 576 00:16:35,707 --> 00:16:38,174 What I... what I'm trying to say to you is, 577 00:16:38,259 --> 00:16:40,092 see, I'm a celebrity, 578 00:16:40,128 --> 00:16:42,461 so I go to... I tend to go to the fancy stuff. 579 00:16:42,513 --> 00:16:43,713 [all booing] 580 00:16:43,798 --> 00:16:45,097 Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. 581 00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:46,599 Let me just finish for a second. 582 00:16:46,634 --> 00:16:49,802 You're misunderstanding what I'm saying. 583 00:16:49,887 --> 00:16:52,388 Oh, boy, do I want to leave him up there. 584 00:16:52,473 --> 00:16:54,307 Oh... 585 00:16:54,392 --> 00:16:55,725 I wish I cared half as much 586 00:16:55,810 --> 00:16:58,194 about anything as you guys do 587 00:16:58,279 --> 00:17:00,563 to come under a disgusting tunnel... 588 00:17:00,648 --> 00:17:02,565 Let me finish! Let me finish! 589 00:17:02,650 --> 00:17:04,283 I let you talk! 590 00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:06,485 Oh, wow. Unexpected. 591 00:17:06,571 --> 00:17:09,155 Come here. Hey, my guest, Billy Crystal. 592 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,823 Everybody, thank you. Thank you. 593 00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,208 Thank you. Thank you very much. 594 00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:14,543 I'm glad to be at this great event. 595 00:17:14,629 --> 00:17:15,711 I believe in what you're doing. 596 00:17:15,797 --> 00:17:16,829 We both do. 597 00:17:16,881 --> 00:17:17,997 I do... I do too. 598 00:17:18,049 --> 00:17:19,498 Your principles are great. 599 00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:22,084 We have to free the planet Earth, okay. 600 00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:24,470 [cheers and applause] 601 00:17:24,505 --> 00:17:25,755 Unfortunately, 602 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,139 I have to take my partner here 603 00:17:27,175 --> 00:17:28,557 back to the studio 604 00:17:28,643 --> 00:17:30,176 as we've had a terrible emergency 605 00:17:30,228 --> 00:17:32,178 with a fire and, um, there's all kinds of... 606 00:17:32,263 --> 00:17:33,562 There is an emergency. 607 00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,097 (Billy) But... 608 00:17:35,183 --> 00:17:39,068 We pledge to you a check for $5,000. 609 00:17:39,153 --> 00:17:40,686 [crowd murmuring] 610 00:17:40,738 --> 00:17:42,321 No, no, no, no, guys. 611 00:17:42,357 --> 00:17:43,773 We can't be bought. 612 00:17:43,858 --> 00:17:45,524 Okay, too bad. Good night, everybody. 613 00:17:45,576 --> 00:17:46,576 Bye-bye! 614 00:17:46,577 --> 00:17:48,194 [crowd shouting] 615 00:17:48,279 --> 00:17:50,162 I encourage all of you to tweet to your followers 616 00:17:50,198 --> 00:17:51,998 that Billy Crystal and Jonah Hill 617 00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:54,283 don't give a shit about the environment. 618 00:17:54,369 --> 00:17:57,703 [crowd shouting] 619 00:17:57,789 --> 00:17:59,069 Where the hell did you come from? 620 00:17:59,090 --> 00:18:00,370 You're like a goddamn superhero. 621 00:18:00,375 --> 00:18:02,528 I know. On the plus side, we just saved 622 00:18:02,553 --> 00:18:04,051 five thousand dollars. 623 00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:08,661 I'll split it with you. 624 00:18:10,095 --> 00:18:11,344 [sighs] 625 00:18:13,348 --> 00:18:14,514 I'm gonna have the veal. 626 00:18:14,566 --> 00:18:17,600 Excellent choice. Thank you. 627 00:18:18,863 --> 00:18:20,108 Happy anniversary. 628 00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,382 Happy anniversary. 629 00:18:24,946 --> 00:18:28,324 [corks popping] 630 00:18:28,668 --> 00:18:30,947 Oh, oh... 631 00:18:31,032 --> 00:18:34,018 That is literally the best taco I've ever had. 632 00:18:34,043 --> 00:18:34,941 Mmm. 633 00:18:34,966 --> 00:18:35,934 Sometimes you find the best places 634 00:18:35,959 --> 00:18:36,762 when you're lost. 635 00:18:36,787 --> 00:18:39,027 Rejection makes everything taste so much better. 636 00:18:39,066 --> 00:18:41,080 You know, Josh, charity... 637 00:18:41,105 --> 00:18:42,511 It's got to come from the heart. 638 00:18:42,596 --> 00:18:43,996 You can't just sign up for something 639 00:18:44,014 --> 00:18:45,097 you don't really care about 640 00:18:45,182 --> 00:18:46,582 just for the chance of getting laid. 641 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,733 I did that once, and believe me, 642 00:18:47,818 --> 00:18:49,518 I never did it again. 643 00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:50,652 What happened? 644 00:18:50,688 --> 00:18:52,480 We're married 43 years. 645 00:18:53,691 --> 00:18:55,361 It's a joke. I'm joking. 646 00:18:55,386 --> 00:18:57,326 [laughs] Good. 647 00:18:57,361 --> 00:19:00,112 No, you just... You start small. 648 00:19:00,197 --> 00:19:02,077 You do something nice for the people around you, 649 00:19:02,082 --> 00:19:05,751 and then you go from there. 650 00:19:05,836 --> 00:19:07,753 I bought your taco. 651 00:19:08,503 --> 00:19:10,238 Less small. 652 00:19:10,307 --> 00:19:12,708 (Kristen) The craziest thing happened 653 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:14,876 about a week after Frederick died. 654 00:19:14,962 --> 00:19:17,262 Out of the blue, I get this Facebook message 655 00:19:17,348 --> 00:19:19,715 from an old high school boyfriend of mine. 656 00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,551 He was my chemistry teacher, actually. 657 00:19:22,603 --> 00:19:25,637 This weekend, we saw each other. 658 00:19:25,723 --> 00:19:27,356 And... I don't know. 659 00:19:27,391 --> 00:19:28,774 It was like, after all these years, 660 00:19:28,859 --> 00:19:30,308 we just... we kind of picked right back up 661 00:19:30,394 --> 00:19:32,144 where we left off, 662 00:19:32,229 --> 00:19:34,396 except that he wasn't married anymore. 663 00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:37,566 But the crazy part of all of this is, 664 00:19:37,651 --> 00:19:39,735 he's deathly allergic to dogs. 665 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:42,871 So if this had happened even a week earlier, 666 00:19:42,906 --> 00:19:46,408 then who knows? 667 00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:48,577 Life is amazing sometimes. 668 00:19:48,629 --> 00:19:51,580 Kristen, Billy wants to see you on set right now, okay? 669 00:19:51,632 --> 00:19:52,632 He says it's an emergency. 670 00:19:52,633 --> 00:19:53,915 Come on. 671 00:19:57,087 --> 00:19:57,969 Kristen... 672 00:19:58,055 --> 00:19:59,504 What is going on? 673 00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:01,506 Well, Josh and I were talking, and... 674 00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:04,726 (Josh) We decided to get you... 675 00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:07,345 This little guy! 676 00:20:07,431 --> 00:20:08,431 Huh? 677 00:20:08,432 --> 00:20:09,815 A puppy. Wow. 678 00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,066 He's a rescue. 679 00:20:11,101 --> 00:20:12,101 Yeah. 680 00:20:12,102 --> 00:20:13,102 Just like you, Kristen. 681 00:20:13,103 --> 00:20:14,236 Yeah. 682 00:20:14,271 --> 00:20:15,570 Uh... 683 00:20:15,606 --> 00:20:16,772 Here you go. 684 00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:20,651 Yeah. Now, the bad news is he's not housebroken. 685 00:20:20,675 --> 00:20:24,256 But your apartment's used to that from what you've told me about your other dog. 686 00:20:24,281 --> 00:20:25,363 [crowd murmuring] 687 00:20:25,449 --> 00:20:26,832 Thank you, guys. 688 00:20:26,917 --> 00:20:30,202 [applause] 689 00:20:30,287 --> 00:20:31,670 So sweet. 690 00:20:31,755 --> 00:20:32,871 Did you get the charger? 691 00:20:32,956 --> 00:20:33,956 Yes, it's on your... 692 00:20:33,957 --> 00:20:35,090 It's by your car. 693 00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:36,125 Good. Great. 694 00:20:36,126 --> 00:20:37,426 We did a good thing. 695 00:20:37,461 --> 00:20:39,094 Really, really good. 696 00:20:39,129 --> 00:20:40,011 Feels good, doesn't it? 697 00:20:40,097 --> 00:20:41,097 It feels great. 698 00:20:41,098 --> 00:20:43,014 Really good. 699 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:44,100 See ya. 700 00:20:44,101 --> 00:20:45,101 Absolutely. 701 00:20:45,135 --> 00:20:46,135 I'm gonna scoot. 702 00:20:46,136 --> 00:20:49,438 Okay. Have a good night. 703 00:20:49,473 --> 00:20:50,806 Hmm... 704 00:20:52,693 --> 00:20:54,476 Ooh, there you go. 705 00:20:55,301 --> 00:20:57,279 Ah. 706 00:20:57,475 --> 00:20:59,225 [sighs] 707 00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,250 Hmm... 708 00:21:04,145 --> 00:21:05,145 The movie makes 709 00:21:05,146 --> 00:21:07,238 $150 million worldwide. 710 00:21:07,294 --> 00:21:09,159 Cost $25 million to make, right? 711 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:10,479 And they don't want to make another one. 712 00:21:10,504 --> 00:21:12,191 You got Bette Midler. You got me. 713 00:21:12,276 --> 00:21:13,642 You got these cute little kids, 714 00:21:13,728 --> 00:21:15,811 a story that people want to see another one of... 715 00:21:15,863 --> 00:21:17,530 They don't want to make it 'cause it's too cheap to make. 716 00:21:17,615 --> 00:21:18,615 Does that make sense? 717 00:21:18,616 --> 00:21:19,782 It don't make any sense. 718 00:21:19,817 --> 00:21:20,857 All they want to do is make 719 00:21:20,868 --> 00:21:22,234 these big tentpole movies. 720 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,319 I don't get it. Do you get it? 721 00:21:23,371 --> 00:21:24,371 No, I don't get it either. 722 00:21:24,372 --> 00:21:25,488 You don't get it. 723 00:21:25,573 --> 00:21:26,822 It seem to be that these people 724 00:21:26,874 --> 00:21:28,240 would realize the difference. 725 00:21:28,326 --> 00:21:29,542 Yeah, but it's all about toys 726 00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:31,076 and marketing and animals and... 727 00:21:31,162 --> 00:21:32,628 Oh, yeah, merchandising is the game 728 00:21:32,663 --> 00:21:33,829 with all these brands. 729 00:21:33,881 --> 00:21:34,881 All of that stuff. 730 00:21:34,966 --> 00:21:36,332 That's right. 731 00:21:36,357 --> 00:21:37,777 I'm just happy to be doing my show. 732 00:21:37,802 --> 00:21:39,784 - I tell you that... - Yeah man.. Pretty terrible 733 00:21:39,809 --> 00:21:45,597 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - - www.addic7ed.com - 734 00:21:45,647 --> 00:21:50,197 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 48793

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