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and I travel the globe to find
2
00:00:03,730 --> 00:00:05,730
the world's most unusual foods.
3
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This is Unknown Parts.
4
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Today I'm in the Himalayas,
5
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High above the yurt site desert,
where chef Manook Manoush
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cooks up unbelievable delicacies
7
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in his one-table restaurant.
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Well, this is so exciting.
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You know when something is fantastic
10
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is when it tastes good in your mouth
11
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and you haven't even eaten it yet.
12
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This is a family delicacy.
13
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Mmm. That's so good.
14
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Surprising but yet familiar.
15
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The spices are so sophisticated,
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and there's so many different
tastes that are overlapping,
17
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and the texture...
18
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is very familiar.
19
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It's amazing.
20
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So tell me, what am I eating?
21
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Balls.
22
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Animal testicles. Oh, that's fine.
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Mm-mm. No.
24
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No, too easy.
25
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How you say, man balls.
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Hmm?
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Ball... actual... Actual balls.
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[clicks tongue]
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Good, good. Next up...
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Oh, I'm so sorry.
31
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No, no. My yurt is your yurt.
32
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Here, try this one.
33
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[groans]
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- Mmm.
- Ah?
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Now, this... this I love.
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This is absolutely fantastic. What is this?
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Also balls.
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Oh, God.
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Here, try this one.
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- I'm so embarrassed.
- No!
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I have tasted food all over the world.
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Please, you think this is the first time
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this ever happened to me?
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Mmm. Ah!
45
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Now, come on. Now, this tastes like ass.
46
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That's exactly what that is. That's ass.
47
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- That's ass.
- Yes.
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No shit.
49
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No, just a little bit.
50
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I tried to clean it the best that I could.
51
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- Good morning.
- Hey.
52
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Have a good weekend?
53
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Are you really asking, or
are you just being nice?
54
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Either way, I did shrooms. What about you?
55
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Something great kind of just happened.
56
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I found out I got nominated
for a Kid Critics Award.
57
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Oh, weird.
58
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No, it's good, for all the animated stuff.
59
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You don't do it for awards, you know,
60
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but it's nice 'cause it's
for... it's for the kids,
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and their parents all know me,
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so it gives them something
to bond about, I guess.
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But it's kind of fun.
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- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, totes.
65
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[indistinct chatter]
66
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(Billy) Whoa.
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Oh, that is so nice.
68
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You really didn't have to do this.
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Look at that. Thank you. Thank you.
70
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You know actually somebody...
Uh, someone sent this to Josh.
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He was nominated for Kid Critics Award.
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- Josh was?
- Yes.
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- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
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- Hello.
- Hey. How are you?
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Do you see what this is?
76
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Yeah, that's something. That's great.
77
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- Right?
- That's really great.
78
00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:43,720
Yeah, I didn't... I didn't
realize that you were nominated.
79
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- Crazy.
- Yeah, crazy.
80
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I was nominated too.
81
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No. [laughs]
82
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No, I was.
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- What?
- I'm serious.
84
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Billy, congratulations.
85
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Don't kiss. [laughs]
86
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Hey, Billy, I'm embarrassed.
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I would have had a basket for you
88
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if I'd known that you were...
89
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No, no, don't be silly.
90
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- It is not, not a big deal.
- Do you want a cantaloupe?
91
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,130
After all, it's the Kid Critics Award...
92
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I don't even know what it's called.
93
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That's what it's called.
94
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That's what it's called? All right, yeah.
95
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Hey, Josh. You sent this.
96
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No, no. I think my agent did.
97
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The card says, "Sent by"...
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My agent sent it.
99
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My agent sent it.
100
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Um, yeah, you know,
101
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I think it's safe to say
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I know the winner.
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- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- This guy.
104
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- You're gonna win.
- No, you kidding?
105
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- You're a lock.
- No, no, no.
106
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I mean, the movie's fantastic. It was great.
107
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You're... you're great in it, so no.
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Plus, you know what, I
already won this thing twice.
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- This one?
- Yeah.
110
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Both Monsters movies. So, you know...
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For the full franchise.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So...
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I got... well, I collected
a bunch of awards for...
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What was that called? Frozen.
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[laughter]
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So, listen, so whatever
happens is just gravy, right?
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Oh, great. Now I'm hungry.
118
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[laughter]
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I was hungry when you said "frozen."
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Because... frozen food.
121
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I'm so sorry to interrupt,
122
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but the network did want to get on the phone
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for a conference call the second you got in.
124
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- You mean now?
- Yes.
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- Oh, this can't be good.
- What?
126
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I should probably jump in on that call.
127
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This is not good.
128
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Wait, why is a conference call not good?
129
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We have taped two shows. We
have fired two directors.
130
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You know, they're freaking out.
131
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Point of fact: we fired Larry.
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Jamie quit because she couldn't work with us.
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Why don't you bring that
up when we talk to Denis?
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Hey, guys, where did we land
with me being on that call?
135
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Oh... I'm sorry.
136
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You guys are actually gonna
be filming everything, huh?
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That's great. That's great.
138
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That's good.
139
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Should I test a little bit?
140
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Testing, testing, one, two, three.
141
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Why don't you come down a
little bit, if you don't mind?
142
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I don't want you to catch the top of my head.
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Yeah, that's great.
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(Billy) Are we on mute?
145
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- We're on hold.
- Put it on mute.
146
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Oh. We are.
147
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We have to be proactive. We have a plan.
148
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We have a replacement director in mind.
149
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Oh. Who are we thinking?
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No. We di... We don't have...
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It doesn't matter, Josh.
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We just have to look confident.
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Right.
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If they sense any weakness...
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- Hello?
- Hello.
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(Denis) Hello? Is anybody...
157
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- Hello.
- Denis, hi.
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(Denis) Hello. Hello. Anybody.
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Hello. Hi.
160
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- Hello. Hello, Denis.
- Happy Thursday.
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(Denis) That... yes.
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So hi, and forgive me for
just diving in right away.
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No, it's fine. Actually, we're glad...
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I just want to... Sorry, what?
165
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- I'm sorry, what?
- Sorry.
166
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If... [laughs]
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I'm sorry. [laughter]
168
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Denis, you start.
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Gotcha.
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Um, so we just wanted
to congratulate you guys
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on the Kid Critics Award nomination.
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- Well deserved, gentlemen.
- Mm-hmm.
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Thank you so much.
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Thank you so much, as Billy just said.
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We're both so honored. Billy's gonna win.
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No, no.
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We're rooting for a tie.
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Listen, guys, I don't want to pretend
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that the road has not been bumpy
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on the launch of the show,
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with Larry and then Jamie...
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Listen, about that, Denis,
I have some thought...
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If I may. If I may.
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(Billy) Yeah, sure. Sure.
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(Denis) And every creative endeavor
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has its birthing pains,
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and I'm frankly not worried about this.
188
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Now, this awards show is a great opportunity
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for us to get things back on track
190
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and garner some good press,
191
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so we would like you guys
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to go to the event as a team.
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Do the red carpet together, the whole deal.
194
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We'll even... We'll even send a limo,
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so you guys can arrive at the event together.
196
00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:14,070
Ooh. Oh.
197
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:15,440
Well, well,
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Does FX have, like, a special limo?
199
00:06:16,940 --> 00:06:18,670
Um, no.
200
00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:19,740
No, we'll just be ordering a regular limo.
201
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,070
Oh.
202
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Uh, Denis, that sounds great.
203
00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:24,330
Listen, about this replacement director...
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Nope. Nope. No, no, no.
205
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Don't need to know that.
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00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,170
We defer to your judgment on that matter.
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You guys are the creative geniuses.
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00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:32,790
We are just here to give you support.
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00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,000
Wow, that's great, Denis.
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Thank you so much. Great.
211
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(Denis) Oh, hey, and by the way,
212
00:06:38,130 --> 00:06:39,790
you know that September 7th premiere date
213
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is not set in stone.
214
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:42,460
If you guys need more time...
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00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,680
No, no, no, no! Um, uh...
216
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:46,850
September 7th is great. That would be great.
217
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:51,270
Although would we be paid extra for that...
218
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,310
Denis, we're good with September 7th.
219
00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:55,110
Listen, can I put you on
hold just for a second?
220
00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:56,530
- Sure, yeah.
- Sorry.
221
00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:58,361
- Mute. Mute.
- Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
222
00:06:58,362 --> 00:07:00,489
- I'm sorry.
- What is the matter with you?
223
00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:02,552
If he says that we push the premiere date.
224
00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:03,879
Well, we might as well be dead.
225
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,989
If words gets out that we
in trouble with production.
226
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,650
(Josh) He never said... he
never said we're troubled.
227
00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:09,240
(Billy) He doesn't have to say it.
228
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,490
You have to learn to read
between the lines, Josh.
229
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:14,960
If he says it's not set in stone,
230
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,830
what he's really saying is,
231
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,330
"We're shitting the bed,
and we're pulling the plug."
232
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:19,550
- We shit the bed.
- Wait, pulling the plug?
233
00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:21,580
- Shitting the bed? What? Jesus.
- Yes.
234
00:07:21,670 --> 00:07:23,840
Yeah, yeah, I'm telling you,
if we push this premiere date,
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00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,510
the whole town smells blood in the water.
236
00:07:25,590 --> 00:07:28,670
We might as well be like
those little stupid salty fish
237
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:29,980
that they throw to sharks in the...
238
00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:31,090
The sardines.
239
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:32,680
- Anchovies.
- Chum.
240
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:35,310
Why would you throw an anchovy at a shark?
241
00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:36,680
They're not picky about
what kind of fish they eat.
242
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:38,020
It doesn't...
243
00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:39,350
You don't dangle a bag of anchovies.
244
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,740
You dangle chum.
245
00:07:40,820 --> 00:07:42,320
- It's chum.
- Is it chum?
246
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,770
You want me to come down
and chum some of this shit?
247
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:44,820
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
248
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:46,280
[laughter]
249
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,830
- How amazing is that movie?
- Amazing.
250
00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:49,030
(Kristen) Which movie is that?
251
00:07:49,110 --> 00:07:50,360
(Billy and Josh) Jaws.
252
00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:51,950
It was the first summer blockbuster.
253
00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:52,920
- Yeah.
- All right.
254
00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,040
(Billy) Denis?
255
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,710
We think that the September
7th is no problem.
256
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:02,590
We're fine with that. We prefer that.
257
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,210
Great, well, it sounds like you guys
258
00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:06,180
have everything under control...
259
00:08:06,210 --> 00:08:07,630
(Billy) We do.
260
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,880
And kick some butt on the red carpet.
261
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:12,050
Thanks. Bye-bye.
262
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,020
You're welcome, Denis. Bye.
263
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:14,720
Bye-bye.
264
00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:16,890
- Whoo!
- Great.
265
00:08:16,940 --> 00:08:18,890
(Billy) All right. Ooh.
266
00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:24,400
Oh.
267
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,120
Snack run. Excellent.
268
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,400
Yeah, it's magical what I get to do here.
269
00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:31,900
[chuckles] Yeah.
270
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,070
Yeah, I mean, you're probably wondering:
271
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:36,740
Why the shirt?
272
00:08:36,790 --> 00:08:38,410
Not really.
273
00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:40,050
Normally I would never wear this to work.
274
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,330
It's just... Whoa.
275
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,380
Hey, buddy, red enough for ya?
276
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:44,750
- Look out.
- Oh.
277
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,250
Yeah.
278
00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:47,390
It's just, I got my improv show tonight,
279
00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:49,310
so I'm on the red team,
280
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:51,090
and I don't think I'll have time to change
281
00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:53,180
before I got to get across town,
282
00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:54,810
jump onstage, boom.
283
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,180
You're standing in front of my bag.
284
00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:58,510
Am I? Oh, dear.
285
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,520
Let's remedy that situation. Here you go.
286
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:02,570
You probably heard of my improv group.
287
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,600
I'm on Hell Toupee.
288
00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:07,610
It's actually two words: Hell Toupee.
289
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:08,860
Like the man wig.
290
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:12,110
Like... not "hell to pay."
291
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,530
Hell Toupee.
292
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,999
- Man wig.
- Exactly.
293
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,125
You should come check us out.
294
00:09:17,126 --> 00:09:18,912
I could get you in for free.
295
00:09:18,913 --> 00:09:20,919
They charge money for improv?
296
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,590
Ah. Yeah, but...
297
00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:24,620
I really don't like comedy.
298
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:28,790
Right.
299
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,050
(Josh) As an artist
300
00:09:30,130 --> 00:09:32,680
can touch one child,
301
00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:36,970
then here's to touching many more ch...
302
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:41,940
If what I do as an artist
can bring laughter and joy
303
00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:44,310
to even one child's life,
304
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:49,150
then I dedicate this award to
all the children of the world.
305
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,450
- Billy.
- Hey.
306
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,780
Hey. I didn't see you there.
307
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:52,900
What's up?
308
00:09:52,990 --> 00:09:54,490
I was just working on a speech
309
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:57,290
on the way-off-chance that you get robbed
310
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,540
and I win that stupid award.
311
00:09:58,630 --> 00:09:59,960
Oh, no way, no way. You're winning.
312
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,660
- No. Okay.
- Oh, it's a lock.
313
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:02,960
- Stop with the humble game.
- Josh, it's a lock.
314
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,660
No, no, no, no. You're fantastic in it.
315
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:05,670
- It's a lock. It's done.
- Thank you.
316
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:07,000
I just want to make sure
317
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,330
everything would be cool between us.
318
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:09,750
Josh, of course it'd be cool between us.
319
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,000
- Because this...
- Are you kidding?
320
00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:13,010
Is what matters.
321
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:14,220
Absolutely.
322
00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:16,230
Not... this.
323
00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:17,840
Of course not.
324
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:20,430
Josh, it's the Kid Critics Award.
325
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:21,980
Right?
326
00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:22,980
I mean, what am I gonna move off the mantel
327
00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:23,980
to make room for this?
328
00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:25,020
My Tony?
329
00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:26,570
Yeah, I was nominated...
330
00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:27,690
Six Emmys.
331
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:28,740
- Six of them?
- Yeah.
332
00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:29,990
The People's Choice.
333
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:32,020
Oh, you got that too.
334
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,240
The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.
335
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,250
- What am I gonna do?
- Okay.
336
00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:37,360
- Okay.
- Yeah.
337
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:38,530
I got it.
338
00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:39,420
Good.
339
00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:42,280
[chuckles]
340
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:52,680
You know, kids are the future.
341
00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:54,741
I have four grandchildren now.
342
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,480
Josh.
343
00:10:57,570 --> 00:11:00,570
[heavy metal music]
344
00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:02,740
345
00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:03,740
Josh?
346
00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:08,660
Josh.
347
00:11:08,740 --> 00:11:10,290
348
00:11:10,330 --> 00:11:11,540
Hey, Josh.
349
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,710
(Josh) Oh! Oh!
350
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,550
Oh! [coughs]
351
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,590
Hey. Hey.
352
00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:21,340
Oh, dude. Hey, man.
353
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:23,359
- Hey.
- Hey.
354
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,939
This is uh... I have
something with my eyes...
355
00:11:26,940 --> 00:11:28,259
so, medical...
356
00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:29,810
You're early, bud.
357
00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:30,900
I'm on time.
358
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,350
Yes, that's what I meant.
359
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:35,690
Yeah, we have the thing we got to go to.
360
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:36,820
- Hi, I'm Billy.
- This is Clifford.
361
00:11:36,850 --> 00:11:38,020
This is Billy Crystal.
362
00:11:38,110 --> 00:11:39,190
Yeah, I got it. I got it. I got it.
363
00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:40,740
- Hey, man.
- How you doing?
364
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,110
I'm a huge admirer.
365
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:44,360
- Oh, hey, thanks. Thank you.
- Yeah.
366
00:11:44,410 --> 00:11:45,780
The Battleof the Network Stars, 1978.
367
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,610
You crushed Letterman, bro.
368
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,700
[laughs] Well, that's a long...
369
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,420
- Yeah, man.
- That's a long time ago, the...
370
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,450
World record holder in The $10,000 Pyramid.
371
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:54,420
Yes, I am.
372
00:11:54,510 --> 00:11:55,590
26 seconds left.
373
00:11:55,670 --> 00:11:57,260
That's... wow. [laughs]
374
00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,680
Why don't you suck his dick
if you like him so much?
375
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,760
(Clifford) Jesus Christ. Are you kidding?
376
00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:04,930
Clifford and I went to college
together at Carnegie Mellon.
377
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:05,970
Oh, really? Oh, that's good.
378
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:07,430
Yeah, Clifford did...
379
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,520
Were you in the acting program too?
380
00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:09,970
- Yeah.
- He was for a year.
381
00:12:10,050 --> 00:12:11,520
For one year, before he was cut.
382
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,560
Yeah, apparently I didn't suck enough dicks.
383
00:12:13,610 --> 00:12:15,610
(Josh) That's low, bro.
384
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:16,980
May I offer you some of this?
385
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:18,390
Stop it, Clifford.
386
00:12:18,450 --> 00:12:20,310
- Jesus, man.
- Clifford, thanks.
387
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,900
Thank you, but it's okay.
388
00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:23,570
No, don't do that.
389
00:12:23,650 --> 00:12:26,240
You don't offer a legend
weed, you stupid face.
390
00:12:26,290 --> 00:12:27,900
Hey, listen, man, I grew up...
391
00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:29,290
I went through the '60s
and the '70s, you know?
392
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,120
I smoked a lot of dope in my time.
393
00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:33,130
- No, no, no, Billy.
- I just... it just... you know...
394
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,830
You know, you're acting like your grandfather
395
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:36,130
- just walked down here.
- That's not what I meant.
396
00:12:36,210 --> 00:12:37,460
You know, you're my nephews,
397
00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:39,080
and I trusted you down here.
398
00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:41,000
Look what you did to my apartment.
399
00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:42,470
That's something...
400
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:43,590
Your grandmother died down here.
401
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:44,750
How did she die? How did she die?
402
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:46,390
She died of smoking that,
403
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:48,260
and she ate a marble cake that was...
404
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:49,260
Choked on.
405
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,980
[laughter]
406
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:52,430
- Where did she get the marble cake?
- So funny, Billy.
407
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:53,930
I don't know where she got the marble cake.
408
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:55,770
I was just giving you an
excuse to use the voice again.
409
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,680
- I didn't mean to call you out.
- That's all right.
410
00:12:57,770 --> 00:12:58,930
It's not a goddamn Second City improv sketch.
411
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,070
So, Josh, we should really get...
412
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,400
- Yeah.
- We should get going.
413
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:02,490
By the way, I didn't mean
414
00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:04,020
to insult you with this stuff.
415
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:04,990
- I was just...
- You're not insulting me.
416
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,490
I just... you know, medical...
417
00:13:06,580 --> 00:13:07,940
Medicinal marijuana is a lot stronger
418
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,200
than the stuff you had in your day.
419
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,000
My day?
420
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,120
What, did I live in a dead-ball era?
421
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,530
I don't know what the reference is,
422
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,120
so I can't answer that.
423
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,370
- Is it Clifford?
- Yeah, man.
424
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:19,170
Would you do me one favor?
425
00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:21,090
Could you step outside just for a second?
426
00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,130
Guys, you too? Would you just step outside?
427
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:24,960
I just want to talk to Josh
alone just for a second.
428
00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:26,550
Sure.
429
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:28,880
(Billy) Wow. Okay.
430
00:13:28,970 --> 00:13:30,630
(Josh) Clifford, take your...
431
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:32,220
Oh, thanks, man.
432
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,390
What's up, doggie? What are you guys...
433
00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:34,720
What are you shooting?
434
00:13:38,912 --> 00:13:40,779
We decided...
435
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:42,909
not to smoke any pot.
436
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:46,119
Yeah. No, we couldn't. Because
this is a very, very big...
437
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,730
- It's big.
- It's a big night.
438
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:48,730
- It's a big night.
- It's very exciting.
439
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,900
You can't...
440
00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,960
- Oh, Billy.
- What?
441
00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:54,160
- You know what I see?
- What?
442
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,320
- A supermarket.
- Oh, good.
443
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:56,830
- Look, we should go.
- Yeah.
444
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,490
I could use some snacks.
445
00:13:58,550 --> 00:13:59,710
And I need some eye drops,
446
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,210
'cause my eyes are very dry.
447
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:03,470
Is it... they get very dry this time of year.
448
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:06,090
[upbeat music]
449
00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:08,800
Look at all this stuff.
450
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,970
You ever think about
451
00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:13,180
the bounty of America?
452
00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:14,640
You know?
453
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,400
Somewhere in the world right now
454
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,730
people are just shitting on the street.
455
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:20,150
Yeah, outside
456
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:21,650
on Fairfax and Sunset.
457
00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,070
Do it all the time.
458
00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:26,820
- Shh.
- Oh.
459
00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,660
Those are salty.
460
00:14:28,690 --> 00:14:29,780
These are really salty.
461
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:30,690
Very salty.
462
00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:36,500
I'd like to thank the Academy.
463
00:14:36,530 --> 00:14:37,750
[chuckles]
464
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,370
- Ahh.
- You're gonna like that.
465
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:46,340
What is that? Are those dildos?
466
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:47,380
No, they're French breads.
467
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:48,430
Oh, those baguettes.
468
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:49,460
Pleasure Chest.
469
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:50,930
I went in there once.
470
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:52,550
It was my brother's bachelor party,
471
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,930
and I wanted to buy all these sexual toys,
472
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,550
and he held up, like, a 4-foot dick,
473
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,940
and I said, "How much is it?"
474
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:00,110
And he goes, "I don't know.
475
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:03,390
"Lenny, I need a price.
476
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,230
"The Jamaican Nightmare.
477
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,560
How much?"
478
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:09,030
I was at my friend's bachelor party.
479
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:10,820
I put a real dildo in my ass.
480
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,740
To make the guys laugh.
481
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:19,830
Lenny. How much?
482
00:15:19,910 --> 00:15:21,830
- Wow, that's a weird story.
- Yeah.
483
00:15:21,910 --> 00:15:29,670
484
00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:33,390
What do you got there?
485
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:35,590
Uh, nothing. It's just...
486
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,760
Oh, boy.
487
00:15:37,810 --> 00:15:38,810
Freedom.
488
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,480
Hi, this is Sammy Davis Jr. For jam.
489
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,520
You know, when the kids come over
490
00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:49,440
and you don't know what to make,
you don't know what to cook,
491
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,110
everything's better with jam.
492
00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:59,369
Well, the grape, or you got the raspberry.
493
00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,119
Black cherry I particularly like.
494
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,339
Because that was my
nickname when I was a kid.
495
00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:05,000
Look. Look at the detail.
496
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,420
- Ah!
- Oh! Don't do that.
497
00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:07,460
No, don't do that.
498
00:16:07,540 --> 00:16:09,840
I am so [bleep] up.
499
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,470
How's things in SeaWorld? Pissed, huh?
500
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,390
I just saw your story on CNN.
501
00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:21,140
Hey.
502
00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:22,220
He's been cramped up. He's been cramped up.
503
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:23,640
He's not happy.
504
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:24,560
You wanna go, Blackfish? Let's go.
505
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,440
You stop it.
506
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:30,400
He's been in a tank that's
way too small for him.
507
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,780
Do I look like one of those pussy trainers?
508
00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:35,530
Come here.
509
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,900
No! No, Shamu!
510
00:16:37,990 --> 00:16:39,990
No! Shamu, no!
511
00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:45,380
(Josh) You really haven't
been to a supermarket
512
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:48,330
until you've been to a
supermarket with Billy Crystal.
513
00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:51,130
And my sense is that Billy Crystal
514
00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:54,720
hasn't been to a supermarket
in a long, long time.
515
00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:58,470
Good night, Esme.
516
00:16:58,510 --> 00:17:00,480
Night.
517
00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:01,430
You look nice.
518
00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:03,150
Oh, yeah, I have a date
519
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:05,060
with this super lame dude.
520
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,520
It's almost not worth a free dinner.
521
00:17:06,570 --> 00:17:08,980
- Yeah, I've been there.
- Yeah.
522
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:10,440
I'll just get shit-faced.
523
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,940
Oh, fun. Sounds like fun.
524
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:13,770
Well, have a good... Have a good time.
525
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,450
[mumbling indistinctly]
526
00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:24,830
Esme, um,
527
00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:26,590
could I ask you something?
528
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,090
Mm-hmm.
529
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,370
So last week when Jamie was here,
530
00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:33,630
Jamie Dobbs,
531
00:17:33,710 --> 00:17:35,880
and, by the way, if this is too personal,
532
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,550
you do not have to answer.
533
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,210
Oh, I don't care. Just ask.
534
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:42,100
Okay. Have you ever kissed a woman?
535
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,220
Oh, Kristen,
536
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,640
this is so sweet,
537
00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:51,810
and I'm supes flattered,
538
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,650
but no, thank you.
539
00:17:53,730 --> 00:17:55,400
Oh, I was talking about Jamie.
540
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,200
No, relax, it's fine. I know. Ah.
541
00:17:57,230 --> 00:17:59,370
And, like, I'm not against the girl thing,
542
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,240
but, like, I don't totally feel it here.
543
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,700
No, no, no, that would be inappropriate.
544
00:18:02,740 --> 00:18:03,820
- I wasn't at all.
- Good night.
545
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:05,910
Um...
546
00:18:05,990 --> 00:18:08,330
I like men!
547
00:18:08,410 --> 00:18:10,080
Oh...
548
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,785
Mmm.
549
00:18:13,786 --> 00:18:15,780
Do you even care about the award?
550
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:20,090
Honestly.
551
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,840
Sure.
552
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:24,010
Sure, I care.
553
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,560
I always care.
554
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,600
You never stop caring.
555
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:30,680
That's weird, right?
556
00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:33,600
But...
557
00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:36,160
that's the way it's supposed to be, I think.
558
00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:42,110
I'm scared of you.
559
00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:49,280
I get that.
560
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,670
[laughter]
561
00:19:04,690 --> 00:19:06,550
[moaning]
562
00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:12,140
That was so funny.
563
00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:13,310
[laughter]
564
00:19:15,813 --> 00:19:16,930
Oh, shit.
565
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:18,930
99? for Analyze That.
566
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,389
Don't let Billy see that.
567
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:21,813
Let's just bury that.
568
00:19:22,837 --> 00:19:23,810
Where is Billy?
569
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:28,490
Billy?
570
00:19:28,580 --> 00:19:30,580
Billy! Buddy!
571
00:19:30,610 --> 00:19:32,280
We're really late!
572
00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:34,330
Have you seen a Billy Crystal type?
573
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:35,370
Oh.
574
00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:37,420
Billy!
575
00:19:37,450 --> 00:19:40,040
- Billy!
- Excuse me, sir.
576
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,760
We caught your dad trying to shoplift
577
00:19:41,790 --> 00:19:43,620
a large inflatable dolphin.
578
00:19:43,710 --> 00:19:46,880
My... my dad?
579
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:51,800
- Sir.
- Free Willy!
580
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,470
Sir, excuse me. Excuse me.
581
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:56,600
(man) Mm-mm.
582
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,140
Not too bright.
583
00:19:58,190 --> 00:19:59,690
Not too bright at all, gentlemen.
584
00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:01,190
Yeah, I know, that is my fault, Officer.
585
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,280
- No...
- No.
586
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:03,310
When I see an inflatable fish,
587
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,280
I got to ride it.
588
00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:05,780
I was raised by whales.
589
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:06,810
Don't do this. Don't do that.
590
00:20:06,870 --> 00:20:09,950
What are you, a comedian?
591
00:20:09,990 --> 00:20:11,490
(Josh) Sir, if I may,
592
00:20:11,540 --> 00:20:13,070
my friend and I, we have to get
593
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,870
- to this red-carpet thing.
- Yeah.
594
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,290
You know what, your carpet
is gonna have to wait.
595
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:18,830
Is there any way we can speed this along?
596
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,660
You people really have
a sense of entitlement.
597
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:22,210
Who exactly are you talking to?
598
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,970
Jewish people or...
599
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,500
No, I mean, look at the way you're dressed.
600
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:27,050
- These are on loan.
- It was just a prank.
601
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:28,170
- It was just for...
- And these are on loan.
602
00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:29,550
We actually didn't buy these.
603
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,590
- I own this one.
- Serious?
604
00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:32,010
From the Oscars?
605
00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:32,920
Actually, I get 'em for free.
606
00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:34,680
I have, like, 26.
607
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,010
(Josh) This is my only one,
608
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:37,850
- and I don't even own it.
- Yeah.
609
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:40,680
Do you have kids by any chance?
610
00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:41,820
I do.
611
00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:43,230
I have a son in high school,
612
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,100
two daughters in elementary school.
613
00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:46,770
Get out of here.
614
00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,240
Do your kids by any chance
615
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,610
happen to be fans of Disney's Frozen?
616
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:53,530
That was very cool.
617
00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:54,950
- Yeah.
- Quick thinking.
618
00:20:55,030 --> 00:20:56,660
You know, I got to do the Olaf phone call
619
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,530
all the time, so I figured,
620
00:20:58,620 --> 00:20:59,700
- the guy's got kids.
- Yeah, I know. I've been there.
621
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:00,580
- It works.
- Been there.
622
00:21:00,670 --> 00:21:02,040
Yeah, Wazowksi.
623
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,920
Ooh, I got to tell you, Josh,
624
00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:05,620
pot is a lot stronger than it used to be.
625
00:21:05,710 --> 00:21:07,210
Yep.
626
00:21:07,260 --> 00:21:09,130
How did you manage to keep it together?
627
00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:11,680
Practice. Lots of practice.
628
00:21:11,710 --> 00:21:13,100
- Yeah.
- Wasn't easy, though.
629
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:15,020
I smoked, like, 3/4 of that bowl
630
00:21:15,050 --> 00:21:16,800
because I didn't want you to get too high.
631
00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:18,020
- You did that?
- I did.
632
00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:21,940
- For me?
- Yeah. For you.
633
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,810
Thanks.
634
00:21:24,890 --> 00:21:26,530
Okay.
635
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:27,780
Pull it together, kid. Pull it together.
636
00:21:27,860 --> 00:21:29,900
How do I look?
637
00:21:32,070 --> 00:21:35,040
Like a star.
638
00:21:35,070 --> 00:21:37,130
Like a goddamn star.
639
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,330
[upbeat music]
640
00:21:58,390 --> 00:21:59,760
(anchorwoman) Well, two nominees went AWOL
641
00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:01,680
at last night's Kid Critics Awards,
642
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,470
Billy Crystal and Josh Gad.
643
00:22:04,530 --> 00:22:07,020
The award wound up going to Channing Tatum
644
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:08,400
for his work in the animated feature
645
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,100
Kid Commando,
646
00:22:10,190 --> 00:22:12,740
but event organizers seemed
mighty bent out of shape
647
00:22:12,780 --> 00:22:14,910
at Crystal and Gad
648
00:22:14,940 --> 00:22:16,740
who costar in the upcoming
Billy & Josh Show for FX.
649
00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:18,280
Meanwhile in other news,
650
00:22:18,330 --> 00:22:19,780
One Direction has announced new tour dates.
651
00:22:19,830 --> 00:22:21,870
Let's push the premiere date.
652
00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:25,739
How tall are you?
653
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:28,154
5'7 and a half. I'm 5'8.
654
00:22:28,528 --> 00:22:30,128
- Boom.
- In those shoes?
655
00:22:30,129 --> 00:22:32,039
Somebody is jealous.
656
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,049
I'm Billy Crystal and I'm a jealous man.
657
00:22:35,050 --> 00:22:36,762
Oh. I'm in a nightmare now.
658
00:22:36,763 --> 00:22:40,129
I'm a half inch shorter than Josh.
659
00:22:40,130 --> 00:22:41,929
I'm sad.
660
00:22:41,930 --> 00:22:45,619
What is that?
661
00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:48,049
I'm Billy Crystal.
662
00:22:48,050 --> 00:22:50,159
What is this? You look like a...
663
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,929
like a Hasidic ape.
664
00:22:51,930 --> 00:22:53,732
Look like a Hasidic ape.
665
00:22:53,733 --> 00:22:55,729
Silverback. High silverback.
666
00:22:55,730 --> 00:22:59,730
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667
00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:04,330
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