Original subtitles

I wonder...

Do you ever get your heart broken?

I mean, we're always testing the limits of ours,

this fragile organ you gave us,

and sometimes it seems as often as it survives the tests,

the heart will also just as often break,

or fail.

Mr. Banks, I'm here because I have a drug problem amongst my staff.

I've suspected it for months. Then I get this...

Anonymous letter.

My nurses are stealing drugs and one of my doctors may be addicted.

Any idea who it is?

I hate to say it, but I think it's Dr. Jake slovak.

Why?

Jake is superhuman. He never leaves the hospital. Sometimes works five, six days straight.

You think he's using speed.

I've seen a lot of ambitious doctors.

I've never seen anyone work like Jake.

He's one of the top five thoracic heart surgeons in the country...

maybe the world.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about its obvious aesthetics

- or its... - Oh...

Precision parts look at that. Or even its durability.

- Beautiful. - I'm talking about something more.

- I'm talking about what it represents. - Genius.

It's an artificial heart, but it's more. It represents

to accept our physical limitations.

Our refusal to accept death.

Our refusal to accept being...

If

this gets out...

...we could get sued or shut down.

And if he's under the influence while he's performing these operations,

somebody could die.

Okay.

Beautiful job, Dr. Slovak.

Thank you very much.

♪ Amazing grace ♪

♪ how sweet the sound ♪

♪ that saved a wretch ♪

- * like me... * - Dr. Slovak, blood pressure is normal.

The heart is functioning. The operation is a success.

Dr. Goldberg, close up.

Elvis is leaving the building.

www.addic7ed.com

That's where the day nurse passes out

the day's prescriptions to the floor nurse.

Once she signs out the meds,

the floor nurse distributes them to the stations.

It's at those stations that someone is trading out

the good stuff for aspirin.

You okay?

- Do I know you? - Oh,

Tammy. Sorry. I just transferred from Mercy hospital.

Just kind of nervous. You know, new digs, new people.

Don't take this wrong, Tammy... I'm just not feeling very chatty.

All right, take a deep breath now.

Let it out. All right, one more, one more.

Big breath. Let it out. Okay, one more.

Very, very good. That's awesome.

Okay, listen, I want you to squeeze my hand. Really hard, hard as you can, okay?

Come on. Squeeze it.

Okay.

Okay. Let go.

Come on, I got to operate with this, okay?

- Do Elvis. - Do Elvis... you do Elvis.

You want me to teach you how to do Elvis?

Want me to teach you how to do Elvis? Okay,

real simple, all right?

First you're gonna curl your lip a little, okay.

And then when I say go, you're going to say

"huckleberry mush,"

okay?

All right now, curl the lip, come on.

- Okay, go. - Huckleberry mush.

You're very welcome.

They'll be right back, okay?

That was good.

We're doing everything we can to find a match.

But if we don't, I think we're going to want to use the titanium heart.

- I thought they couldn't be used on children. - She'll die without it, mr. Irwin.

But look, for now, let's...

Let's just believe that a suitable donor will come through.

Okay?

But if it doesn't,

let's believe in me.

We do.

Thank you for everything, Dr. Slovak.

Everything.

Sweetheart, look at you. You look so cute.

Hi, Jake.

Are you ready for our big fishing trip, buddy?

- Yep. - You sure? You ready?

Okay, Jake still has some work to finish, so you finish reading your book, okay?

And we're going to come get you real soon, I promise.

I love you.

Thank you.

Bye, mommy.

How are you, honey? Ready?

Do you see that?

That's interesting. I wonder if she's the one supplying the speed.

I saw her get drugs from the floor nurse.

- She's using? - Oh, yeah.

Dr. Slovak. Dr. Slovak. We have a code blue in pre-op four.

Dr. Slovak to pre-op four, stat.

All right, make it fast. See if the good doctor's hiding anything.

What do we got here?

- Seems a little obvious. - Doesn't mean it ain't true.

- Liquid dextroamphetamine. - Good old-fashioned speed.

Dr. Slovak, the donor heart is entering the operating room.

We got a heart for Briana Irwin. The little girl in ICU.

We found this in Slovak's office.

Liquid dextroamphetamine.

- Got it from that nurse right there. - Which nurse?

- Her name is Carrie Kern. - Not Carrie.

She's high right now.

And if Slovak's hitting this, so is he.

Dr. Slovak, the heart for inspection.

Damn it.

The heart is ischemic. They let the temperature get too high.

This little girl just ran out of chances.

Ms. Kern!

We're going to get you the help you need.

- Who the hell are you? - My name is William Banks.

You're stealing amphetamines, Carrie. You're using drugs on the job.

Harold, please.

- Please, you don't understand. - I think I do, and here are your options as I see it...

- Go with this man and get help. - Go with him?

Go with Mr. Banks and get help or I'll be forced to file charges.

- What about my son? - We'll take care of Aidan.

When can I see my mom?

Soon, I promise.

Hey, do you want anything to drink or anything to eat?

- I just want to see my mom. - I know you do.

Hey, you know what?

Um, I see you're a fan of fishing. When I was 13, I caught my first walleyed pike,

- and I realized something. - Hey, William.

What's going on?

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

Uh, things are a little bit crazy, babe.

- Nice duds. - Arnie's off on another case. I'm short a man.

That's funny, 'cause so am I.

What do you mean?

The kids are away for a week and we were gonna...

Pack all their old stuff and send it off to goodwill.

- That's it. - I'm sorry. I forgot.

Forgot. Forgot.

Who's this?

This is, uh, this is Aidan.

- Hi, Aidan. - This is Melissa.

- We were just talking about fishing. - I want to see my mom.

I know you do, son. It's just that, uh, she needs a few more minutes, okay?

Uh, Aidan, would you excuse us for a second. Thanks, buddy.

- Okay, so where's his mom? - In detox.

- Doesn't he have anywhere else to go? - We're looking.

How long is he just going to sit there then?

Hopefully not that long.

He's pretty cute, right?

He's adorable.

And he wants his mom.

Does he have any food allergies?

Thank you.

Hey, Aidan, guess what?

I'm going fishing this weekend with my mom's boyfriend.

- It's freshwater. - Wow, that sounds like fun, Aidan.

It should be. Last time I went it was deep-sea.

- I puked on the boat. - Oh.

From your office.

Found by the janitor here?

Actually, my name is William Banks. I work with addicts.

Oh, so you understand the nature of addiction?

- I think I do. - Really?

Wow.

Finally, someone who can explain it all to me.

See, I've been, uh,

studying this thing for about 20-plus years.

- I still can't get a grip on it. - Well, maybe it's got a grip on you.

Got a letter, Jake. Anonymous of course.

About nurses stealing from the pharmacy.

About a doctor using speed.

- You can't possibly think.. - You are far too important

to this institution to lose, Jake,

so, if you've got a problem, we need you to get help.

Are you asking me formally, Harold?

'Cause if so,

I think I should probably get a lawyer,

maybe my union rep or something.

I can't have you working here and using drugs.

I passed my drug tests.

Actually, from what Mr. Miller

here tells me, you knew about those tests in advance, so

- you could have easily... - I passed 'em.

You need to take another.

Okay, fine.

Contact my lawyer, we'll set up a day and a time.

- Right now! - That's not how it works, Harold.

Take the test, and we keep it in this office!

If you're clean, I apologize.

If not...

You get help, no questions asked.

Otherwise, I file a formal report.

How much are you using?

You can't keep me against my will.

No, we can't. How much are you using?

- Where is my son? Is my son okay? - He's fine.

Now will you please answer my question?

Three times a day?

Five times a day?

How many pills do you take?

I need to call Jake.

I need your purse, Carrie.

- Why? - You know why.

I don't understand why I can't call Jake.

Look, after we finish.

- Now your purse. - No.

- Carrie? - No!

- If you have drugs... If you... - I don't have drugs!

You don't get it.

I take care of one of the greatest surgeons in the world.

We are on our feet for more hours than there is in a day,

and we can't make a single mistake.

And then after I finish that job,

I have to go home and take care of my son.

Is this how you take care of yourself?

Carrie...

I'm sorry. I know you're upset, but please,

just take a moment and think this through.

Please don't tell my boss.

Your boss is the one who hired us.

You could lose your license.

They could call child protective services. You could lose everything, Carrie.

I need my phone.

- You gonna watch? - Have to.

That's fine. I'm good under pressure.

So you specialize in self-diagnosis, huh?

- Self-diagnosis? - Yeah,

the symptoms of addiction

are diagnosed by the so-called addict.

The so-called addict.

Negative consequences, significant time spent, neglected activities, the desire to cut down...

Rooms of people all over the country

sitting on folding chairs drinking coffee

self-diagnosing themselves.

And as someone who diagnoses quite well,

I can tell you that I am not an addict.

Well, if you are using drugs to get you through your day at work,

you're depending on them to keep...

You have the solution to keep me up and sharp for 96 hours

after a shift where I perform three surgeries and save every patient?

- These results don't matter. - No?

I matter.

What I do matters.

That's my self-diagnosis.

Enjoy.

Carrie Kern won't accept treatment.

I know. I just got a text from one of my people.

So what do you want to do now?

Well, we can't hold her against her will.

- Well, we can try. - No.

No, no, no. Tell your people to let her go.

- Mr. Miller, she needs help. - I know.

And I hope she gets it.

But I can't force her to stay with you, and you know it.

This isn't the person I've known all these years.

What changed?

For Carrie?

Everything.

She married one of my doctors ten years ago.

She was a kid and he wasn't much older.

Back then, the thought

of either one of them using drugs, stealing drugs,

- impossible. - What happened to her husband?

He died in a plane crash on a recovery run to Utah.

Since then, Jake's the one person who's earned her trust.

Carrie, how can I help you?

Just call me a cab.

You know, you don't have to round with me. I have interns for that.

Just killing time.

Well, I'm not going anywhere.

Thank you. Hey, sweetie. How you doing?

- You must have kids. - Two. Yourself?

Hundreds.

Please. See that machine? That's for Briana in there.

If we don't find her a heart by tomorrow,

I have to hook her up to that.

It's gonna take over her bodily functions, pump her heart.

But once I do that, there's no going back.

We will have to find her a heart in a week or she will die.

Imagine if that were your child.

I can't.

I've had mothers ask to take their own hearts

from their bodies.

I need to talk to you.

The test was positive, Jake.

But you knew that already.

Please accept William's help and get yourself into a program.

- I don't have a problem. - Jake...

More importantly, Harold, I got a job to do.

Why not do it sober?

What does sober have to do with anything?

- Are you serious? - Yeah.

It's a state of mind, of consciousness, of clarity.

- Actually, it's a lot more than that. - Yeah. I know what drugs do.

I know when they work, and I know when they're destructive.

Well, over time and with overuse, they're all destructive.

Yeah, well, in my business, a drug can create the opportunity for a new life.

It can retrain the body to do things that nature would not have it do.

- Understood. - It can trick the body

into accepting something totally foreign

that millions of years of nature would have it reject.

- Little drug can do all of that. - We're not talking about anti-rejection drugs.

- We're talking about speed, man. - A drug that allows me

to work longer, with more focus and clarity,

- to save lives. - Look, here's the thing.

I'm worried about your life.

You don't know my life.

- I know I can help you. - No.

You can't help me.

There's no sleep, there's no rest, there's no peace of mind for me.

And if I need drugs to do that,

so be it.

If you walk out that door, Jake,

I will call the ama and have your license revoked.

- $1,200. - I have a hotel on the property.

Okay, well, I'm in real estate,

and that is not rent; that's extortion.

Hello?

Great.

Well, I'm... I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

What is it?

Your mom's coming to get you.

Good, 'cause I'm supposed to go with Jake tomorrow morning.

Did you know that you have to be out on the lake before the sunrise?

Something about fish being dumber, you know,

before the sun comes up.

Makes sense to me.

Guess so.

- Don't judge me. - I'm not.

- Where's the cab? - The cab is on its way,

but I can drive you myself.

I'd rather take a cab.

You're making a mistake.

- You have to stay here, get yourself clean. - People are waiting for me.

My son, my boyfriend, my patients.

Let them wait.

Jake, you came.

- Come on, let's go get Aidan. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What is it?

I'm staying.

I'm gonna stay.

You're serious?

We need help.

Okay.

If that's what you want.

Okay, help us.

You gotta be kidding me.

Is this place even licensed?

I mean, it's not exactly sterile here, is it?

It ain't about that.

- You tie people down. - If I have to.

- Give them medication? - I do.

- Okay, here's the deal. - The deal is I need some history from you.

No, you don't. All you have to do is follow my instructions.

- How long you been using, man? - I want you to give us both

30 milligrams of diazepam and let us sleep for a while?

That ain't how I do it.

Because you're not allowed to prescribe narcotics, right?

I see your neurontin over there.

It's weak.

Non-narcotic, brain salt for anxiety... what is this?

Look, you're an addict, all right?

I have no idea what else you got in your system, so, we're gonna take this slow.

How many times I have to tell you, man?

- I am not an addict. - You're not?

- Yeah. - Then why do you have a port, huh?

How many times a day do you use, man?

Three, four, five times a day?

We'll get through this together, baby.

Just tell him the truth.

We do this, we get to the other side, we go back.

It's like it never happened. It's like we're brand-new again.

Come on.

Okay, mom.

So, your mom...

Still feeling kind of sick.

Oh, okay. Well...

We can hang out here.

Hey,

you know, if you want,

we could go fishing right here.

How?

I've got plastic pool in the garage, we could fill it up with some water and...

That wouldn't be real.

No.

But we could imagine.

First day is always the hardest.

This hurts.

It hurts.

I didn't want to believe I was this far gone. You know, just...

Hopefully you won't forget it.

I need, uh...

I need, um...

What is it?

I need help.

I don't sleep, all right. I don't...

I haven't slept in so long.

'Cause I close my eyes and, uh...

You can't know what it's like.

To take things from a body

that should not be taken.

You save lives.

Only after someone dies.

Someone else always has to die.

And God help me, I see those people.

I see those poor people long after they're gone

in the faces of the people that I save.

Hello.

Okay. Thanks.

That was Miller.

Briana Irwin is not responding to life support.

- Wait a minute. Wh... where the hell are you going? - You just said that

- I know what I just said. - Great, we know what we're saying.

- They need me... that's why they called, right? - No, look, you are not in any condition to perform any kind of surgery right now.

All right.

What's your suggestion?

You got someone else who can put that heart in that little girl?

- Come on, you gonna let me go or not? - I'm thinking.

The answer's not up there, man.

- Yeah. - I said I'm thinking.

Every minute wallow in your, uh, moral dilemma here

is a minute out of her life.

- I can do this, all right? I can do it, William. - No, you can't. Look at your hands.

Look at your hands, they're shaking.

- Sure you're okay with this girl dying? - Hey, don't lay that on me.

I'm not laying it on you. It's on me, all right?

I am the only one that can do this surgery.

Without me, the girl dies.

- That's it, I'm not hanging around here anymore. I gotta go. - Okay, okay,

just take off your shirt.

- Excuse me? - Take off your damn shirt.

We're gonna do this

but it's gonna be on my watch. On my terms.

On my drugs.

50 millimeters of dextroamphetamine just so you can navigate.

You got it?

All you had to say was yes.

What are you doing here?

You wouldn't have called if you didn't need me.

I've got him regulated right now. 50 milligrams of dextroamphetamine.

- It should get him through the procedure. - William, this is, this is...

Harold, you know I'm the only one that can do the operation.

- Okay, please just let me do my job. - I won't leave his side, I promise.

Okay.

Once this is done, you go back to the shop. Understood?

Deal.

There's not gonna be any fish, are there?

- I don't know. - There's not.

There's not gonna be any fish or any trips.

Are there?

But that's okay.

If you want to fish here,

and set up your pool here...

...that's okay.

Okay.

Jake?

Jake?

Carrie,

- it's okay. - Where is he?

Where's Jake?

There's been an emergency. He had to go to the hospital and operate.

Say bye, Aidan. Daddy's going bye-bye on the plane.

In today's news, flight 733 crashed while en route to Utah.

All passengers and crew were killed.

Investigators are blaming bad weather and high winds.

The ntsb will launch an investigation.

I need to see him.

Carrie, he's fine.

Okay, wave to mommy.

I have to see him.

He'll be back.

He's not coming back.

Carrie, don't worry about him.

I'm doing this for him.

She loves her boyfriends more than she loves me.

She always says that it isn't true, but it is.

He's gonna need me.

He always needs me.

And she only cares about them. She doesn't care about me.

Aidan...

I don't claim to know what your mom is going through,

I don't, but...

Whatever's happening with her,

believe this,

she cares about you.

How do you know that?

'Cause I'm a mom.

And we never, ever stop caring about our kids.

My whole life, whatever I put my mind to, I...

Controlled,

you know, I excelled.

I willed the result but

this...

He's not coming back.

You don't know that.

Yeah.

I do.

Harold only had one chance with him.

One moment to make him believe he was going to lose his job.

Okay.

I asked him,

a few times,

to quit. And help me quit.

And he just...

- he'd just say... - There's too much at stake.

This is how he worked.

That he had it under control.

Did you write the letter to your boss, Carrie?

The letter reporting Jake?

Was that your way of asking for help?

I don't want to lose him.

I don't want to lose anybody ever again.

Well, that's the thing, right?

Life is bigger than you and me.

Just when we think we have a handle on it, that's, uh...

That's when it can get slippery.

Yeah, right when you think everything's perfect, you don't see it coming, huh?

Thanks.

- You're welcome. - Here's to the next 14 hours.

Oh, by the way, William,

I'm going to do this, but I'm going to do it on my watch,

on my terms,

on my drugs.

Enjoy the show.

More suction please.

Here you go.

when a little girl's life hangs in the balance,

when a heart will either beat or fail,

who makes that call,

you...

or him?

- Hey, baby. - Hi, sweetie.

We're right here.

You're doing great.

Thank you very much.

You are

very welcome.

Congratulations, Jake.

- Thank you, Harold. - That was, uh, pretty amazing.

- You know what it's like, don't you, William? - No.

Sure you do.

- You fix broken hearts. - Not like that.

Oh, we both have families depending on us to save their loved ones,

and we both damn sure know what it's like when we fail.

- You ready to come back? - But when we succeed,

that is the thing. That is when the world comes together

and we can see the difference we make.

The fact that without us, people won't live.

You made me a promise, Jake. It's time to come back now.

I wish I could, William.

I wish I could. But you and I both know that's not going to happen.

Look, mcspeedy, I thought we had a deal.

Only deal I have is with my patients.

We can do this, we can get you clean and get you back here...

I'm already back here, William.

I'm right here where I need to be.

You are not going to fire me. Okay?

I mean, come on, you just let me come back.

And do you know why?

I'll tell you why.

Because I am the reason this hospital gets the grants it needs.

And tomorrow morning when the papers come out, we will have again made history here,

and you don't want to screw that up.

You know this isn't the right.

The right...

Oh, you guys, man, you are all so stuck

on God and the right thing,

and working your program.

All of your steps.

Let me tell you something, William.

In my world,

there is no other God but me.

I know all about your higher power

and your giving yourself over. And that's fine.

You know, that is fine for ordinary people. But...

Look at me.

Look at what I did here today.

Let me ask you a question.

Am I ordinary?

Am I ordinary?

No.

You are

not ordinary.

Then let me have my flaws for the greater good.

What are you going to do?

Harold?

It's over for him.

It's probably over for all of us.

Got it?

You got all your stuff?

Aidan!

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

Hey, I'm sorry about the fishing trip and everything, huh?

Yeah.

I'm going to make it up to you, okay? I promise, we're going to go fishing next week.

I already went fishing.

You all right?

You were there. You know what happened.

- Miller fire you? - No. I resigned.

Every hospital in the world wants me. I can go anywhere I want.

So, why are you here?

I'm here for Carrie.

She's coming with me.

Leave her alone, Jake.

She doesn't want to be left alone, William.

She called me.

She wants to go.

She wrote it.

Carrie, can, uh... can we talk a minute?

Hey, Aidan, there's some pencils and paper on my desk there.

- Help yourself, all right? - I'll be right back, honey.

So you're leaving?

Yeah.

You going to follow Slovak to his next job?

He's going to marry me.

Same guy who got you hooked on drugs.

Same guy who had you steal for him.

- He loves me. - Maybe.

But he can't see past the drugs.

And that's enough for you to ruin your son's life?

Don't talk about my kid.

I'm talking about what I know.

You wrote this for a reason.

You want someone to help, right?

Here we are.

Let's go home.

She's not coming out.

Take good care of her.

What about you?

I'll take care of everyone else.

I want to help you, Jake.

I know.

I can get you past those dreams you were talking about, I can get you past...

No, don't you see, I'm already past it, William. Don't you see?

For the first time, I was able to save a life

without somebody dying on the other side.

- I'm free. - You're still high.

I'm absolutely free.

I know you made us all in your own image,

but to some people you gave a gift...

They can cure us, they can heal us,

they can fix us,

but even they can let you down.

And that must just break your heart.

Transcripted by chamallow35 for www.Addic7ed.com

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