Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,063
Synced by emmasan
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:39,600
__
3
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,409
(Mid-tempo music plays)
4
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,011
Hey, TV executives!
5
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,813
Ready for another Kardashian show?
6
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:52,084
Good! 'Cause the new
Kardashian has new ideas!
7
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:53,285
Hot damn.
8
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:56,021
There's just something about her.
9
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:57,623
Yep. I love Kardashia.
10
00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,158
Not too much of a man to admit it.
11
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,594
She has everything I need in a woman.
12
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,463
Mm-mmm-mmm!
13
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:05,097
Yuh-huh.
14
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,399
It's still edgy, not only 'cause he's black,
15
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,903
but instead of long money,
he's got long balls.
16
00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:14,073
I'm talkin' like back of my kneecaps!
17
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,642
Girl, do you know what you do to me?
18
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,143
I trick on you?
19
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,912
(Laughs)
20
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:21,713
Yep.
21
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,651
- You know what you do to me?
- Not really.
22
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:26,552
You're secure!
23
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,087
Like, how you don't get
upset when fans think
24
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,456
you're my driver or
O.J. Simpson or whatever.
25
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:33,659
Upset? They could call me
"fuck bucket fuck you nigga."
26
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:35,794
They were outside the limousine.
27
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,763
(Both laugh)
28
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,431
You're so funny.
29
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,300
Hey, kids.
30
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:43,836
I got simple rules for granddad's new girls.
31
00:01:43,838 --> 00:01:49,641
Food? If it's marked with a black
bubble graffiti "R", paws off!
32
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,076
(Laughs) Ooh!
33
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,312
Just like you said, feisty!
34
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,581
Excuse me for a quick second.
35
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,551
(Chuckles)
36
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:01,720
Both: Ouch!
37
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:05,491
Damn it! As you know, there has
been a black cloud following us,
38
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:06,792
but because of this chick,
39
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:10,929
that cloud has opened up
and she's making it rain!
40
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,365
How long are these cameras gonna be here?
41
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,701
Long as she wants them.
42
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,804
Damn it! I thought you read books!
43
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,139
She is a rich white woman!
44
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,173
This is how black people get free!
45
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:26,111
You think Harriet Tubman could afford to
build all those rail road stations alone?
46
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,546
Hello?
47
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,025
Aw, hey.
48
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,628
Both: Besties!
49
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,898
Ow. Ow. Ow!
50
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:47,666
Somebody help me!
51
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,471
Fucking cheap-ass weave.
52
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,172
Sorry I'm late, Kardi.
53
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,007
My horoscope said keep an eye out
54
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,475
for career opportunity, then, bam!
55
00:02:56,477 --> 00:03:00,279
I ran into DMX's cousin's
manager at the mall,
56
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,781
then again in his studio apartment,
57
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,783
and twice on his futon.
58
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,852
I hope he calls me.
59
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,654
(Grunts)
60
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:14,126
That nigga Santa, he didn't
even read my Amazon wish list.
61
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:16,261
My food, all yours.
62
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:19,398
And, Huey, well, you
didn't have a wish list,
63
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,401
so I got you the default Kardashian gift.
64
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:25,270
A signed Ray J CD?
65
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:25,904
You don't like it?
66
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:29,575
Like I give two shits
what he or his brother likes.
67
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,476
Or Kardashia for that matter.
68
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,244
Besties, my ass.
69
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:35,247
If this gets picked up and
I don't get a spin-off show
70
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,248
I'm-a get a spin-off show called
71
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:39,518
Black Assistant Bitches Who
Kill Their Bosses. Believe that.
72
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:44,256
Hey, Huey. You want to play
your CD on my new computer?
73
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,425
Psych. (Laughs)
74
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,793
Okay, girlie, chop chop!
75
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,428
We've got that appointment.
76
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,996
It's not a doctor's appointment, is it?
77
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,664
You're not sick! God, no!
78
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:57,169
God, you can't give me a
gift and then take it away!
79
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:58,971
Aww.
80
00:03:58,973 --> 00:03:59,972
I'm not sick, silly!
81
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:01,807
It's just a regular celebrity appointment.
82
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,475
I get paid a few million to shill a product,
83
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,043
and people who live in their
mother's basements talk shit
84
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:08,814
about how many starving kids the
money I just made could have saved.
85
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,416
Oh, okay. Have fun.
86
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,985
Oh.
87
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:14,620
Boy, I love that.
88
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,394
Hater alert!
89
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,895
Hater alert!
90
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:24,930
Hater alert!
91
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,300
Nigga just mad he didn't get toys!
92
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,035
(Laughs)
93
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:33,238
(Vacuum cleaner running)
94
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:34,573
(Vacuum shuts off)
95
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,942
Why we got to clean, anyway?
96
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,845
Because we may be on national television.
97
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:40,712
(Doorbell rings)
98
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:43,448
That must be Kardashia.
99
00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:46,218
It may be time to give her a key.
100
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,291
Come on, homie! Bench!
101
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,459
Dancing With The Stars?
102
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,130
Hey! What the hell?
103
00:04:58,132 --> 00:04:59,765
(Grunting)
104
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,636
Who the hell are you?
105
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:07,072
I'm Kardashia's half-brother.
106
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,006
Oh.
107
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:08,640
I'm sorry.
108
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,142
I didn't know the Kardashians had a brother.
109
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:16,181
Yeah, well, I didn't know I had some
floozy half-sister who was gonna pop up.
110
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,916
Family is a blessing.
111
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,318
No, it's not!
112
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,619
I was up next.
113
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,220
Now my show's pushed back.
114
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:25,023
Finally, I had a chance to be famous,
115
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,258
to spend new year's in Vegas
116
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:30,796
instead of going on some date
with an autistic teen mom.
117
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:33,832
Damn that Make-A-Wish Foundation!
118
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:34,599
Sorry.
119
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:37,936
The only reason chicks bang
me is to get to my sisters.
120
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,205
Man, I'm just looking for the right homie
121
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,274
to help me get my own show!
122
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:45,911
I am gonna be the latest
Kardashian to inspire young girls.
123
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:51,116
Like, my nonprofit Believe In
Yourself! You Can Be Anorexic!
124
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:55,921
Has already raised like
2,000 pounds of celery!
125
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:57,356
(Glass shatters)
126
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,358
Her butt, it got bigger.
127
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,693
It just broke your
"Perfect Attendance" award!
128
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,729
So? I could just make another one.
129
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,464
This show has to get picked up,
130
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,232
and then we just have to stay together
131
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,501
for at least the first season.
132
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:10,068
Really?
133
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:13,572
People don't want to watch
an old broke dude on TV!
134
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,306
This is bullshit.
135
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:15,640
Roll with that if you want to, homie.
136
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,008
I mean, if you like getting played.
137
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:20,379
Depending on the parameters,
I'm perfectly fine with that.
138
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:23,014
(Glass shattering)
139
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,416
Look at our living room!
140
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,885
Why is everyone acting blind?
141
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,153
Everything looks fine to me.
142
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,722
Bench, take your wonderful ideas
143
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,823
and go pitch your own show!
144
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,259
Always hanging around here, being jealous!
145
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:35,026
Jealous of what?
146
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:38,029
Why be jealous when I can do this?
147
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,534
Seriously, I am like a
huge business person, okay?
148
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,903
I'm a businesswoman and,
like, this whole thing,
149
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:49,007
I can't even Google myself, because,
like, too many hits come up, okay?
150
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,843
You're a stupid jerk. You
know what I am? I'm a dancer.
151
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,845
That's right, a professional dancer.
152
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,147
I pop and lock.
153
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:56,548
I pop and lock.
154
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:57,182
Screw you!
155
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,851
You're only half-Kardashian.
Where'd you come from anyway?
156
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,854
- I can't even believe it.
- Whoa!
157
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,457
Sit still on the damn couch!
158
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,592
It's not me! It's Huey!
159
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,394
It's her! It's her butt!
160
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,996
Look how big it got!
161
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,431
It's fake!
162
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:14,266
I'm sorry. What?
163
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,768
Huey's butt accusation, it really hurt me.
164
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,471
So I decided to be the
strong, tough woman I am
165
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,707
and give him a piece of my mind.
166
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,143
(Crying)
167
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,079
I'm sorry, baby.
168
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,749
(Sobbing)
169
00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:32,784
Apologize!
170
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,352
Sorry.
171
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,155
You're taking their side!
172
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,825
You're never on my side!
173
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,394
If these cameras weren't on,
174
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:47,065
I'd beat you so bad, you'd
look like impressionist art.
175
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:47,466
(Sniffs)
176
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,368
Oh, so you did like the
Monet painting I sent you.
177
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,204
I told you!
178
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:54,940
Take your ass outside!
179
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:56,241
(Laughing)
180
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,976
You too!
181
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,815
Man, what's the deal with her?
182
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,184
Riley: I don't know.
183
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,620
Huey: Her butt keeps getting bigger.
184
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,188
There's something going on.
185
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:10,822
I don't care.
186
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,925
I'm-a be in my rich girl-
provided weatherproof tent.
187
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,060
You keep being ass Columbo.
188
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,696
Unzip me when you crack the case.
189
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:20,131
Granddad is powerless over her ass.
190
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,066
You saw what happened.
191
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,702
Her butt's gonna destroy everything.
192
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,171
Not my problem.
193
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:35,247
Seriously, one more scene of just
driving that heifer to appointments
194
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:37,949
and I swear, I'll drop her ass
off at the Basketball Wives
195
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:41,152
set with a sign that says
"I fucked your man."
196
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,087
(Door opens)
197
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,089
Hey, pretty girl!
198
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:50,262
(Beeping)
199
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:07,412
It is such bullshit that this is illegal.
200
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:07,946
Eh, not really.
201
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:10,415
I'm putting used Jell-O shots
and petroleum in your ass.
202
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,919
Whatever it takes to keep
up with the Kardashians!
203
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,687
(Air hissing)
204
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,927
Okay, how about a game-show idea?
205
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,061
Boxers Or Briefs.
206
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,496
If the contestant guesses wrong,
207
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,431
they have to sleep with everyone.
208
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,334
You know, it's never bad to have two ideas
209
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,669
when we're pitching shows.
210
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,572
Got it! Terrorist Or Italian?
211
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,041
Because those hairy motherfuckers,
212
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,475
they look alike.
213
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:40,645
Love your style, granddad. Call you soon.
214
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,180
'Sup, Huey?
215
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:43,648
Why are you inside?
216
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,450
Because I have something important to say.
217
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,819
I have something important to say, too,
218
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,054
shut up and get back outside.
219
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:53,058
Granddad, if I knew something
bad was about to happen,
220
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,060
you'd want me to tell you, right?
221
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,529
Mmm, no, not really.
222
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:03,335
Every single black man who
has touched a Kardashian ass,
223
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:04,703
something goes wrong.
224
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,204
Their brain gets sucked out.
225
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,573
There was this one rapper
who went from saying
226
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,509
"George Bush doesn't
care about black people!"
227
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,845
to wearing a leather kilt.
228
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:14,412
Leather!
229
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:17,682
I saw kardashia at a
place called Fake Cakes.
230
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:19,084
It's near that illegal pinochle spot
231
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,453
where you used to leave me
in the car while you played.
232
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:24,456
Just wanted you to know what
kind of "reality" you're getting.
233
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,891
What I'm getting? I'm getting laid.
234
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:27,692
I'm getting money.
235
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:28,860
I'm getting our freedom papers.
236
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:32,731
And with those three things,
nothing can ever go wrong!
237
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:35,500
(Giggles)
238
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,335
God, I like you.
239
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,236
Maybe I'm naive,
240
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,039
but I just get the feeling
that you like me for me,
241
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,775
not my fame or my money.
242
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,077
Fame? Who needs that?
243
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,312
Nope, don't need fame.
244
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,246
With what we build, we're gonna show
245
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:53,818
that love can work even if
your man doesn't have a 401(K).
246
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:54,552
401k?
247
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:57,122
A marathon that long would wreck my knees.
248
00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:01,593
Look, can I give you the
ultimate in cable-series love?
249
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:05,563
You gonna try to trap me
by getting pregnant?
250
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:08,500
Shut up! I didn't want to seem too eager!
251
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:09,801
Pregnant? Ew!
252
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,002
I'll get fat or whatever.
253
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:15,573
No, silly, a promise ring
during the season finale.
254
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:16,408
Then it's a deal.
255
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:19,544
Let me get your best yellow wine!
256
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,478
(Gasping)
257
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,580
Whoa! What's the attitude for?
258
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:26,751
You knew I appreciated the finer
things before we got promised!
259
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:28,386
What the hell?
260
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:30,321
Uh!
261
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:35,627
Oh, my God! Look at her butt!
262
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:36,795
Aaaah!
263
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,630
(All scream)
264
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,617
(Monitors beeping)
265
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:47,774
Please! Please!
266
00:11:47,776 --> 00:11:49,575
Baby, wake up!
267
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:50,543
Could you please stop?
268
00:11:50,545 --> 00:11:54,280
Every time you do that,
you're actually kind of killing her.
269
00:11:54,282 --> 00:11:55,782
Sorry.
270
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,084
So, what's the latest, doctor?
271
00:11:58,086 --> 00:12:00,987
Well, after billing her insurance
for every test possible
272
00:12:00,989 --> 00:12:02,388
because, let's face it, the longer I'm gone,
273
00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:03,656
the harder you think I'm working,
274
00:12:03,658 --> 00:12:06,426
I think I've figured out the problem.
275
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,828
Her ass exploded.
276
00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:11,030
I have friends with lots of extra ass!
277
00:12:11,032 --> 00:12:11,697
Can we donate?
278
00:12:11,699 --> 00:12:13,966
Well, it's always tough
on friends and family
279
00:12:13,968 --> 00:12:15,635
when a person's ass gets this big,
280
00:12:15,637 --> 00:12:16,836
but I'm afraid we just have to wait.
281
00:12:16,838 --> 00:12:19,772
Unfortunately, you might have
to make some tough decisions.
282
00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:23,943
This is one of the worst cases
of AAAS I've ever seen.
283
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:25,344
That's A.A.A.S.,
284
00:12:25,346 --> 00:12:27,280
ass augmentation addiction syndrome.
285
00:12:27,282 --> 00:12:29,949
Doc, you got to make her
live! This isn't fair!
286
00:12:29,951 --> 00:12:31,984
Fair? Life tends not to be fair
287
00:12:31,986 --> 00:12:35,655
when you start shoving foreign
objects into your keister.
288
00:12:35,657 --> 00:12:36,222
Sorry about that.
289
00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:38,191
We've got a dedicated team of doctors here.
290
00:12:38,193 --> 00:12:40,526
I promise, we'll try our best.
291
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,263
(Curtain rustles)
292
00:12:44,265 --> 00:12:45,565
Call the chaplain and the morgue
293
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:47,500
for the stupid girl in the ass room!
294
00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:48,701
(All gasp)
295
00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:51,671
Come on! We just can't
sit around here and wait!
296
00:12:51,673 --> 00:12:53,606
I know! We'll start a walk-a-thon!
297
00:12:53,608 --> 00:12:57,109
They cured breast cancer.
I'm sure it'll cure this.
298
00:12:57,111 --> 00:12:59,145
No! You want a chance to shine?
299
00:12:59,147 --> 00:13:00,112
Here's your chance.
300
00:13:00,114 --> 00:13:02,448
We're gonna get justice for your sister
301
00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:04,217
and show how much we care.
302
00:13:04,219 --> 00:13:05,952
Now, follow me, Bench. Oh, by the way,
303
00:13:05,954 --> 00:13:09,989
if anyone from the pinochle place
say I owe them money, haul ass.
304
00:13:09,991 --> 00:13:12,792
(Indistinct conversations)
305
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,129
Ooh, look at her.
306
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,031
Oh, she look good.
307
00:13:19,033 --> 00:13:21,634
I would give my ass for that ass.
308
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,406
(Air hissing)
309
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,111
Aah!
310
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:36,582
So you get off on getting my
Kardashia all strung out on ass?
311
00:13:36,584 --> 00:13:39,252
I don't know what you're talking about. Unh!
312
00:13:39,254 --> 00:13:41,354
Oh, you don't know?
313
00:13:41,455 --> 00:13:42,355
Did that show you?
314
00:13:42,357 --> 00:13:44,690
Bench, help me show this motherfucker.
315
00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:46,025
Uh-huh.
316
00:13:46,027 --> 00:13:47,059
This is cool.
317
00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:48,060
No, God damn it!
318
00:13:48,062 --> 00:13:49,295
Open hand means put something in it
319
00:13:49,297 --> 00:13:51,597
so I can hit this punk-ass doctor.
320
00:13:51,599 --> 00:13:53,366
Hold up. I'm the sidekick?
321
00:13:53,368 --> 00:13:55,001
She's my dying half-sister!
322
00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:57,937
I came up with all the show ideas!
323
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,239
(Sighs)
324
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:04,043
What's taking granddad so long?
325
00:14:04,045 --> 00:14:05,311
I'm hungry.
326
00:14:05,313 --> 00:14:05,845
(Deflating)
327
00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:08,848
Woman over P.A.: Cleanup on
bed number three, stat.
328
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,650
This place is depressing.
329
00:14:10,652 --> 00:14:11,751
If I'm about to die,
330
00:14:11,753 --> 00:14:13,219
promise you'll just pull the plug.
331
00:14:13,221 --> 00:14:16,656
Nigga, if I'm about to die, keep me alive.
332
00:14:16,658 --> 00:14:17,356
I want to be a burden,
333
00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:20,660
I want my feet clean,
I want my diaper changed.
334
00:14:20,662 --> 00:14:23,696
Keep my ass fresh until they find a cure.
335
00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:25,998
Man, for real. I'm starving.
336
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,334
We got to get some food.
337
00:14:28,336 --> 00:14:30,536
(Both crying)
338
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,809
Well, that person didn't finish his lunch.
339
00:14:36,811 --> 00:14:38,911
I'm up in that piece.
340
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:41,614
Aah!
341
00:14:41,616 --> 00:14:43,983
Old woman: Don't scream. It's okay!
342
00:14:43,985 --> 00:14:46,352
I give food to the hungry.
343
00:14:46,354 --> 00:14:47,620
I'm Mother Maria.
344
00:14:47,622 --> 00:14:51,524
Come in, young skinny black child.
345
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,026
Yeah, you're the damn sidekick.
346
00:14:54,028 --> 00:14:57,897
You came up with the other
shows, but this is my idea.
347
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,465
Hey!
348
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,802
Where you going? I'm not done with you.
349
00:15:02,804 --> 00:15:05,338
Sidekicks are really the most important.
350
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:07,039
Audiences love them!
351
00:15:07,041 --> 00:15:07,840
Robin the Boy Wonder,
352
00:15:07,842 --> 00:15:10,743
that Fantasy Island tattoo guy, Chewbacca!
353
00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:12,812
Why don't we all just calm down?
354
00:15:12,814 --> 00:15:14,080
Don't tell me what to do!
355
00:15:14,082 --> 00:15:15,781
I need some kind of revenge for my lady!
356
00:15:15,783 --> 00:15:18,384
She's lying there about
to die because of you!
357
00:15:18,386 --> 00:15:19,518
I didn't force her to do anything!
358
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,389
I told her, even an Armenian
girl's caboose has its limits.
359
00:15:23,391 --> 00:15:25,391
She knew the risks!
360
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,593
I'm tired of this.
361
00:15:27,595 --> 00:15:29,695
Matter of fact, I'm done talking.
362
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:30,763
Hit him, Bench.
363
00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:33,299
Trust me, be Chewbacca!
364
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,868
(Roars)
365
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:36,836
Unh!
366
00:15:36,838 --> 00:15:40,539
Don't you ever fuck with
us or anyone we love.
367
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,342
No, no! Could you not do that?
368
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:44,877
(Air hissing)
369
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,581
Ha ha! You're gonna have a butt face!
370
00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:52,818
Yes, I spent my whole
life feeding the hungry.
371
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:55,087
I fed many brown babies.
372
00:15:55,089 --> 00:15:57,356
Mostly the words of Jesus.
373
00:15:57,358 --> 00:15:59,291
Sadly, many died.
374
00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:03,129
You know what's really important in life?
375
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,064
(Snores)
376
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,600
Riley: Hey!
377
00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:10,069
Looking out for others.
378
00:16:10,071 --> 00:16:13,506
I guess it all started when
I was a nurse in the war.
379
00:16:13,508 --> 00:16:18,177
I used my pantyhose as
tourniquets for the troops.
380
00:16:18,179 --> 00:16:20,746
Looks like you've lived a full life.
381
00:16:20,748 --> 00:16:21,714
Oh, I have.
382
00:16:21,716 --> 00:16:22,415
Ha! Those medals,
383
00:16:22,417 --> 00:16:26,819
even got one from the vice
presidente after World War II.
384
00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:29,789
Yep, he gave me a medal and some smokes.
385
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:34,093
Would have been nice if he'd
visited me when I had emphysema.
386
00:16:34,095 --> 00:16:35,895
(Coughing)
387
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:39,932
Well, who do you usually talk to?
388
00:16:39,934 --> 00:16:41,400
Don't you have visitors?
389
00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:44,770
Eh, no one cares about an old broke lady.
390
00:16:44,772 --> 00:16:46,539
Plus, there's some celebrity in here.
391
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:49,175
They say she's got the
whole floor locked down.
392
00:16:49,177 --> 00:16:52,878
I can't even get a nurse
to change my diaper.
393
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,681
Ew! I ain't hungry now.
394
00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:57,116
Ah, but I forgive her
395
00:16:57,118 --> 00:16:58,350
and all the people around her.
396
00:16:58,352 --> 00:17:01,353
Boys, there's great power in forgiveness,
397
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:06,959
self-sacrifice, and
thinking of yourself last.
398
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,664
First plan, you keep her alive long
enough to make sure we in the will.
399
00:17:11,666 --> 00:17:14,834
Plan "B", she dies, you break
out the tape and pitch the show.
400
00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:19,739
We threaten to go public and show
America we're the only ones who care!
401
00:17:19,741 --> 00:17:20,339
Mmm-hmm.
402
00:17:20,341 --> 00:17:23,809
Seriously, what other men in
her life would have done that?
403
00:17:23,811 --> 00:17:26,545
You keep forgetting I just met this chick.
404
00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:29,582
And may we one day get to a world
405
00:17:29,584 --> 00:17:30,750
where no porcelain goddess
406
00:17:30,752 --> 00:17:34,120
feels the need to pump up her beautiful
407
00:17:34,122 --> 00:17:38,224
ironing-board-flat ass to
airbag-sized proportions
408
00:17:38,226 --> 00:17:41,594
just to attract some five-time baby-daddy
409
00:17:41,596 --> 00:17:44,663
bad-free-throwing nigga athlete.
410
00:17:44,665 --> 00:17:46,332
Amen.
411
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,503
Hey! Ruckus, what the
hell are you doing here?
412
00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:51,837
This is a serious matter!
413
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:52,838
Oh, I know it's serious.
414
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,642
Word 'round the street is that
you living a serious nigga dream.
415
00:17:56,644 --> 00:17:59,411
Oh, you got your own personal ATM
416
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,380
in the form of a rich white girl.
417
00:18:01,382 --> 00:18:03,716
Oh, and she ain't just any kind of white.
418
00:18:03,718 --> 00:18:04,350
She Armenian,
419
00:18:04,352 --> 00:18:07,586
from the home of the
glorious Caucus Mountains.
420
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,855
Get it? Caucasus. Caucasian!
421
00:18:09,857 --> 00:18:10,556
We see what you doing.
422
00:18:10,558 --> 00:18:14,326
Oh, ruckus, what's wrong with a
young woman spending on an old man?
423
00:18:14,328 --> 00:18:15,528
Reverse happen all the time.
424
00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:17,696
Oh, it just ain't natural, Robert.
425
00:18:17,698 --> 00:18:18,397
It ain't natural.
426
00:18:18,399 --> 00:18:21,233
Men are supposed to be the
strong heads of household.
427
00:18:21,235 --> 00:18:25,104
White women's job is to make
sammiches and look pretty.
428
00:18:25,106 --> 00:18:28,307
Now, once ladies start
controlling the purse strings,
429
00:18:28,309 --> 00:18:29,375
things get crazy!
430
00:18:29,377 --> 00:18:30,643
They just let themselves go.
431
00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:34,346
Hell, we got a career woman
right now down in 232.
432
00:18:34,348 --> 00:18:37,783
Bitch lost her cellphone
in her own body fat.
433
00:18:37,785 --> 00:18:39,685
Now that I hooked you up with camera-time,
434
00:18:39,687 --> 00:18:42,955
you better introduce me to LeBron for real.
435
00:18:42,957 --> 00:18:46,292
And if you ever have a
baby die in your arms,
436
00:18:46,294 --> 00:18:50,696
you'll notice a peace and
a certain sweet smell.
437
00:18:50,698 --> 00:18:52,531
Like bartlett pears, almost.
438
00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:55,901
Look, go on, kids. I don't want to bore you.
439
00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:57,636
I guess when you get to be my age,
440
00:18:57,638 --> 00:19:00,239
you just want a little
attention, that's all.
441
00:19:00,241 --> 00:19:02,208
I think we know where that girl is
442
00:19:02,210 --> 00:19:03,742
who's hogging the nurses.
443
00:19:03,744 --> 00:19:04,977
We'll get one for you.
444
00:19:04,979 --> 00:19:07,112
God bless you, son.
445
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,451
Let's go, Riley.
446
00:19:12,453 --> 00:19:13,752
I know. Damn.
447
00:19:13,754 --> 00:19:17,723
She got a nigga feeling all
unhungry and emotional.
448
00:19:17,725 --> 00:19:19,458
Come on, squeeze my hand, baby.
449
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:21,460
Let me know you're still there.
450
00:19:21,462 --> 00:19:22,461
Okay, don't squeeze my hand
451
00:19:22,463 --> 00:19:26,098
if you want me to be the
sole beneficiary in your will.
452
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,533
She didn't squeeze. You got that?
453
00:19:27,535 --> 00:19:29,368
Come on, man. Have some dignity.
454
00:19:29,370 --> 00:19:30,469
Let's just pull the plug.
455
00:19:30,471 --> 00:19:31,871
This gravy train is a wrap for all of us.
456
00:19:31,873 --> 00:19:35,708
We're not pulling the plug until
you recognize that non-squeeze.
457
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:37,109
Just pull the damn plug.
458
00:19:37,111 --> 00:19:38,844
If she lives, she'll be deformed.
459
00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:41,347
What kind of shitty life is that?
460
00:19:41,349 --> 00:19:44,817
(Crying)
461
00:19:46,086 --> 00:19:47,219
Damn it! My lady is not dying
462
00:19:47,221 --> 00:19:49,455
until we've had a real
benefits talk up in here!
463
00:19:49,457 --> 00:19:54,226
Oh! Did I hear a nigga
raising his voice in the I.C.U.?
464
00:19:54,228 --> 00:19:55,527
Okay, nigga, that's it!
465
00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:58,163
Your government benefits have expired!
466
00:19:58,165 --> 00:19:58,731
Come with me.
467
00:19:58,733 --> 00:20:01,233
If you don't get your
damn hands off of me...
468
00:20:01,235 --> 00:20:02,434
Hey, guys! Did you know there's
469
00:20:02,436 --> 00:20:06,672
a really important lady
out there who's really sick?
470
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,308
Wow, this is boring.
471
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:11,577
I'll go see if she's hot.
472
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,748
(Monitor beeping)
473
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,918
(Crying)
474
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,286
I hear the sad-song cue.
475
00:20:20,288 --> 00:20:23,455
I know it means something
bad is about to happen.
476
00:20:23,457 --> 00:20:25,424
I watch Grey's.
477
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,861
Hoo, we're in crisis mode.
478
00:20:28,863 --> 00:20:29,929
Only one way to save her,
479
00:20:29,931 --> 00:20:31,730
a full butt-to-butt blood transfusion.
480
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:33,699
Does anyone know where I can find
481
00:20:33,701 --> 00:20:35,401
a huge ass full of AB blood?
482
00:20:35,403 --> 00:20:37,469
Wait. AB blood?
483
00:20:37,471 --> 00:20:40,272
The Kardashians have always been O's.
484
00:20:40,274 --> 00:20:41,740
I am out of here!
485
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:44,176
So, people with "O" blood
can't have AB children?
486
00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:46,378
No, never. AB with "O"? No.
487
00:20:46,380 --> 00:20:47,880
- You see, the genetics...
- Damn!
488
00:20:47,882 --> 00:20:50,516
I got to make one quick
call to my son's father.
489
00:20:50,518 --> 00:20:52,685
Shit's about to get real.
490
00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:55,921
So that means she's a
fake? Ain't that a bitch.
491
00:20:55,923 --> 00:20:59,391
(Scoffs) Ain't it? I just lost my job.
492
00:21:02,162 --> 00:21:05,431
Granddad, look, she's moving her hand.
493
00:21:05,433 --> 00:21:07,199
(Groans)
494
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:11,303
I just wanted to be on TV.
495
00:21:16,176 --> 00:21:18,243
Granddad: Let's go, kids.
496
00:21:21,081 --> 00:21:23,182
(Flatline)
497
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,657
Look, stop with the war and kids stuff.
498
00:21:31,659 --> 00:21:36,061
You want someone to hear
your story, make it raw.
499
00:21:41,101 --> 00:21:42,868
Yes, I fucked Eisenhower.
500
00:21:42,870 --> 00:21:45,604
And back then, it was
harder when you put out.
501
00:21:45,606 --> 00:21:47,740
Syphilis could kill you.
502
00:21:47,742 --> 00:21:48,507
Oh, my God.
503
00:21:48,509 --> 00:21:51,677
I'd be dead like four times already.
504
00:21:51,679 --> 00:21:53,512
Girl, you are a natural.
505
00:21:53,514 --> 00:21:56,949
We can stretch this over 13 episodes!
506
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,100
Synced by emmasan
www.addic7ed.com
507
00:22:04,150 --> 00:22:08,700
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36122
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
