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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:04,100 Synced by emmasan www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,500 Huey: Even though he tried not to show it, 3 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,900 our money problems had clearly made granddad a little crazy. 4 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:41,900 [Electronic zapping in distance] 5 00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:44,600 Granddad: Huey, Riley, is that electricity I hear?! 6 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,200 We can't afford that. 7 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,300 What'd I tell you? 8 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,100 This house is an airplane. 9 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,900 Turn off all your electronic devices and keep them off. 10 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,600 Matter of fact, get out here! 11 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,500 You should be done trying on those clothes. 12 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,700 - Riley: I can't wear this. - Granddad: Why not? 13 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,600 Don't tell anyone it's from the thrift store. 14 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,600 They wouldn't know. 15 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,800 Looks stylish to me. Tell him, Huey. 16 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,100 Huey: It's not stylish. 17 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,100 Granddad: If Kris Kross can jump in them, 18 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,400 you can walk to school in them. 19 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:10,100 Riley: For real, granddad? 20 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,700 See, this is why niggers drop out of school. 21 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:13,900 I'ma get teased. 22 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:16,700 Uh-oh. 23 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,800 Huey: Granddad, you're just beating him to take out your own frustrations. 24 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,600 Granddad: That's what kids are for! Move! 25 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:25,100 Huey: We were caught in a cycle of despair, violence, and poverty. 26 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,500 I had to find a real solution. A job! 27 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:29,600 - Granddad: Huh? - Huey: Why don't you get a job? 28 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,900 Riley: Huh? 29 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:32,400 Huey: I'm serious, granddad. 30 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,200 Lots of old people are going back to work. 31 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,100 Granddad: And they're horrible at it! 32 00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:37,800 When they wait on you, they slow as hell... 33 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,900 Too chatty! Who give a damn their kids don't call? 34 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,100 Huey: But you'd be better than a regular old person. 35 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,700 You're still fast. 36 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,400 We have strong genes. 37 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,600 You told us we come from hardworking sharecroppers, porters, slaves. 38 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,000 Granddad: Yeah, and after all that, a nigger is tired. 39 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,800 Huey: Well, I think you could do it. 40 00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:57,500 Granddad: Yeah. If you're so smart, 41 00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:00,500 tell me exactly where are these jobs hiring old black folk? 42 00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,900 Huey: When times got rough, what jobs did black folks have before? 43 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:05,500 Try those. 44 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,200 Granddad: Hmm. 45 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,400 __ 46 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,000 Huh? 47 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,500 All these people in line for rote, dehumanizing work? 48 00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:20,600 Oh! No, qu? l?stima. Trabajo no hoy. 49 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,300 Jobs yesterday, amigo. 50 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:26,300 Today... Alma awards tickets. 51 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,300 Granddad: Oh. Damn! Well, thank you, amigo. 52 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:35,000 [Laughter] 53 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,100 Hey [Bleep] him, trying to take our jobs. 54 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,500 Ruckus: Sorry. I only hire Mexicans, too. 55 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,900 It's that damn Obama's fault. 56 00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:45,500 That's why you can't get a job. 57 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,300 Granddad: Oh Ruckus, you think everything is Obama's fault. 58 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,100 Ruckus: That's because it is. 59 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:55,100 He got elected and made good white folks feel self-conscious about hiring niggers. 60 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,900 See, a shoeshine boy 61 00:02:56,900 --> 00:03:00,600 is somebody you should feel comfortable talking to about anything... 62 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,400 about your mistress, about how you hate [Bleep] your wife... 63 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,200 somebody you should feel comfortable calling a nigger, 64 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:10,100 'cause nowadays, you just can't get them friendly greetings out at work. 65 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:14,100 You don't want to look up one day and see that shoeshine boy on your TV, 66 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:18,100 talking about "mahmoud ahamadamadinejad" and clean energy. 67 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,600 That just complicates the relationship. 68 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,200 Granddad: But I'm not running for president. 69 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,500 Kus: Oh, that is true, but you know who's never reay gonna be the president? 70 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,600 A wetback illegal. 71 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,800 You can go home after kicking his prayer-candle-dipped-in-tapat?o-smelling ass 72 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:36,200 and feel comfortable you will never see his illegal ass in the Roosevelt room. 73 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,400 Granddad: So, what should I do? 74 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,400 Ruckus: Nothin'. You ain't got no chance. 75 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,300 As much as them negroes con queso annoy me, 76 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,200 they have one hell of a work ethic. 77 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,800 Hell, they get more work done. 78 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,600 They even import little mini versions of themselves. 79 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,300 Guatemalans, I think they're called. 80 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,200 [Twinkle!] 81 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:57,300 [Men snoring] 82 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,400 And am I reading this right? 83 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,600 Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 84 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,900 Granddad: Dead. 85 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:09,500 What? I'm old. I don't have healthcare. 86 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,800 Sometimes when I sneeze, I [Bleep] myself. 87 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,200 - Once... - Moving on. 88 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,400 Let's see what you put for greatest weakness. 89 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,500 Granddad: Pork chops. - Are you even taking this seriously? 90 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,700 Granddad: Are you?! 91 00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:21,600 These ridiculous questions. 92 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:25,600 If you, like everyone else, think I am completely unhirable, fine. 93 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,400 Mr. Freeman, these are standard job-placement questions. 94 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,100 They're on everyone's application. 95 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:35,000 Let me be frank... you are unhirable. 96 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,800 You come across as uneducated, 97 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,900 you've just proven you're comfortable cursing in a professional setting, 98 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:43,500 and... wait! I think I have the perfect job. 99 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,700 [Beep] 100 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:51,600 Granddad: Is that a full-size shampoo bottle, nigga?! 101 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,600 Get over here, Al-Qaeda! 102 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,900 - [Grunting] - [Both grunting] 103 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,600 Huey: Eventually, granddad's pride got the best of him. 104 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,700 - [Laughter] - [Whistles] 105 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,100 Granddad: Ugh! Ugh! 106 00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:12,900 [Laughter continues] 107 00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,300 Granddad: Kiss my black ass. 108 00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,000 [Doorbell rings] 109 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,000 Huey: I had to call in the big guns... 110 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,600 someone who loved capitalism 111 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,400 and smiled at giving away the bulk of his free day to the man. 112 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,100 Tom: Hey, Huey. 113 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,800 I came over as soon as I paid my taxes. 114 00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,900 Whoa. Who peed in your petunias, Robert? 115 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,500 Granddad: Stupid huey had this great idea 116 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,400 that a job could help with money problems. 117 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,300 Huey: How is it my fault you got fired? 118 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:40,600 Granddad: It's your fault I tried. 119 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,900 Trying to get a job is the first step to losing a job. 120 00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:45,100 Tom: Robert, look... I know it's hard, 121 00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:47,200 but we can find you a job. 122 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,600 It's all about strategy. 123 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,300 I got it. You should volunteer! 124 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,500 Granddad: Volunteer?! 125 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,800 Riley: We broke as hell, 126 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,200 doing homework by candlelight, like Amish niggers, 127 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,000 and you telling him to work for free? 128 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,800 Man, that's like hustling backwards! 129 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:01,800 Tom: No, it's not. 130 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,500 Volunteering can be the perfect conduit to full-time employment. 131 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:08,100 It's a great resume builder... shows you have drive. 132 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,800 I'm volunteering at the old-folks' home tonight. 133 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,100 You should come! 134 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,600 Riley: You should go. 135 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,100 You know one's about to die, be real nice to that one. 136 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,400 Cha-ching! 137 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,600 Tom: [Laughs] Come on! 138 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,100 It'll be fun! 139 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,500 They're so grateful for the volunteers. 140 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,800 Plus, there's lots of lonely cuties there. 141 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:30,900 Oh! Susanna, don't you cry for me 142 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:37,700 Well, I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee 143 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,100 Huh? 144 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:44,200 Mnh-mnh! Don't clap. 145 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,900 I'm tired of this lawyer coming in and just singing. 146 00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:49,300 Can't an old bitch get some free legal advice, 147 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,600 some estate planning, an advance directive? 148 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,800 [Laughs] 149 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,200 Granddad: [Laughs] Yeah, it does seem like a waste. 150 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,700 I'm Geraldine. 151 00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,800 Granddad: Robert. Pleased to make your acquaintance. 152 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,700 Mm. Robert, huh? 153 00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:04,000 Why is this my first time seeing you? 154 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,800 What floor you live on? 155 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,800 Granddad: Oh, I don't live here. 156 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,300 I have people who care about me. 157 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,400 Well, I didn't mean... Seems like a lovely place. 158 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,900 Tom: All right, joke time. 159 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,300 [Laughs] 160 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:16,700 Is this thing on? No? 161 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:17,800 [Laughs] All right. 162 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:21,400 All right, what's invisible and smells like strawberries? 163 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,200 My farts after I drink Ensure. 164 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:25,800 - Tom: What? - [Laughter] 165 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:29,500 No. Ew. Ick. Gross. That is no... gah. 166 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,400 No, that's... that's not the punch... 167 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,700 Oh, God. It smells like strawberries in here now. 168 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,800 Let's go upstairs. Come on. 169 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,200 It'll be more fun than this. 170 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,400 [Tires screech] 171 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,600 - Aah! - Granddad: Ohh! 172 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,000 - Hey, what the... - Okay, spread 'em! Spread 'em! 173 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,100 You know the deal. 174 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,000 - Mm. Mm! Ooh! [Laughs] - Granddad: Ugh! 175 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,600 He's clean! 176 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,500 Robert, come. Have a seat. 177 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:08,400 So, Robert, what brought you here today? 178 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,300 Granddad: Am I about to get jumped into some gray panthers gang? 179 00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:12,900 If so, look... I'd like to decline. 180 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:14,400 I'm just here looking for a job. 181 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,300 Job?! 182 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,100 Oh, you don't want to work here, honey. 183 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:18,700 Know what a nursing home is? 184 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,400 It's jail. 185 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,000 Why, you cheatin' bitch! 186 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,400 Okay, okay. 187 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:26,600 Here. 188 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,900 That's right... jail, 189 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,500 a jail that smells like a combination of poop, 190 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,700 piss, poopy piss, and gout. 191 00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:37,800 [Bleep] Food and ghetto nursing assistants in Spongebob scrubs. 192 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,700 Ain't no rest in this rest home. 193 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:42,100 The worst part... ha!... No money. 194 00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:45,100 That's why we had to flip this arts-and-crafts room 195 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:48,400 into our underground financial enterprise. 196 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:52,700 So, Mr. Man, you still interested in a job? 197 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,200 Granddad: Yes, but not after what you told me. 198 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,200 Piss-poop? I want to work in a clean place. 199 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,200 How do you feel about whores, Robert? 200 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:04,400 - Granddad: Love 'em. - Good. 201 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,600 Let me back up a bit. 202 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:07,000 Know why we're broke, Robert? 203 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:10,400 Because our generation raised no-good, selfish-ass sons. 204 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,600 I asked my son to visit me. 205 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,300 He said, "I'm busy, mama." 206 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:16,100 Yeah, nigga was busy, all right... 207 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,800 Snatchin' a purse. 208 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,300 I'm telling you, every single one of our boys age 30 to 50... 209 00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:24,300 they're stuck on stupid and fastened to [Bleep]-up. 210 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,700 That's where you come in. 211 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,200 An old-school man like you. [Chuckles] 212 00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,900 Young ladies would really appreciate. 213 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,800 Granddad: Oh! That's the job? 214 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,800 Well, give me a red light and sign me up. 215 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,800 Make sure to read the part where we get to cap your ass 216 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,700 if you don't bring our money by supper... 217 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:41,100 4:30 on the dot. 218 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,600 Real talk, Robert... 219 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,200 I should hope, at your age, you know that women are different 220 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:52,400 when it comes to our needs. 221 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,100 Granddad: No problems here. 222 00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:55,300 I've been around the block. 223 00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:58,300 So, that's it? I'm officially a hooker? 224 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,800 I'm gonna have to ask you not to say that. 225 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,600 You're an escort. 226 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,700 Granddad: Okay, escort. 227 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:09,400 Young ladies, prepare to be escorted to orgasm land! Whoo! 228 00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,200 Huey: Granddad was definitely happier 229 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,200 since he came back from the old-folks' home. 230 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,900 I guess there is something to volunteering. 231 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,000 Granddad: Huey, drench my back. 232 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,600 Riley: Aw, no! You spendin' money on a date 233 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,600 and we sitting here eating air sandwiches? 234 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,600 Granddad: I'm not going on a date. 235 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,000 I'll have you know I got a job. 236 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,400 Huey: What kind of job wears suits on the night shift? 237 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,800 Granddad: Lots of important jobs... 238 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,900 Valet and pimps. 239 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:38,800 Huey: Which one are you? 240 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,700 Granddad: Hush. Don't worry about what I am. 241 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,400 Know what you should be worrying about? 242 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,800 Behaving for the babysitter. 243 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,600 Ruckus: Hello, lil' niggers. 244 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:46,900 Well, go on. 245 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,400 Get out there and sell that shriveled-up monkey dick. 246 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,200 See you in the morning, ho man. 247 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:52,500 Riley: Huh? 248 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,200 Granddad: Ruckus, I'm not a whore man. I'm an escort. 249 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,900 Ruckus: Escort? Ha! Let me break down "escort" for you. 250 00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,900 Webster's Dictionary will tell you 251 00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:04,600 an escort is a smart, pretty white woman who, 252 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,000 temporarily down on her luck, 253 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,900 uses the powers of her gold-plated vagina 254 00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,800 to care for her adorable kids. 255 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,500 You, my nigger, is a ho. 256 00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:16,800 Riley: Granddad! That's your job... hoin'? 257 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,700 You're sleeping with dudes? 258 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:21,700 Granddad: Hell, no! I'm escorting ladies. 259 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:23,400 Riley: Well, that's all right, then. 260 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,300 Actually, that's kind of gangsta. 261 00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,200 Huey: You were supposed to get a real job. 262 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,400 Granddad: This is a real job. 263 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:29,900 I don't see what the big deal is. 264 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,000 Ruckus: The big deal?! 265 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,300 The big deal is that women would pay to [Bleep] you! 266 00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:35,900 Nigger, you know you would [Bleep] anything for free. 267 00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:38,500 Huey: Granddad, you're not really gonna do this? 268 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,000 Granddad: Know what I'm not gonna do? 269 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,500 Be late for my first date. 270 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,600 Nothin' wrong with sex. That's how we all got here. 271 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,500 It's fun, and if you can get paid for it, better. 272 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:51,300 That's the exact sex talk I was gonna have with you in two years. 273 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:52,700 Now excuse me. 274 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,100 Time for granddad to give the ladies what they need. 275 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,900 Mm. Ohh. 276 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,300 [Purrs] Mm. 277 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,900 This is exactly what I needed. 278 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,800 God, I should have signed up for more than three hours. 279 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,400 [Purrs] 280 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:08,800 - Granddad: [Yawns] - [Cats meowing] 281 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:16,400 - Her? - Granddad: No. 282 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,900 - Her? - Granddad: No! 283 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,100 - Her? - Granddad: Nope. 284 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,100 And what about her? 285 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,300 Granddad: No, Marge Simpson's not prettier than you, either! 286 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:26,200 You're prettier than tonight's entire lineup and all of basic cable! 287 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,000 [Gasps] Oh, thank you. 288 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,600 [Moaning] 289 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,400 Yes! Yes! 290 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,700 Oh, God, I've been so lonely! 291 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,600 Oh, yes! Cuddle me harder! 292 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,900 - [Moans] - Granddad: Ohh. 293 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,000 I'm supposed to be getting used for sex. 294 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,100 I'm getting less sex than before. 295 00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,800 [Cellphone rings] 296 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,800 That last date, Vanessa... 297 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,200 That's her again, damn it! 298 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,400 She calls me... 299 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,600 [Imitating Vanessa] just to see what I'm doing. 300 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:05,400 Lord, a ho can't be a blessin' if you don't give him lessons. 301 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,600 Grab a computer. Pull the stats on Vanessa. 302 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,600 [Tires screech] 303 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,200 - Give me that computer! - Granddad: [Gasps] 304 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,800 [Moaning] 305 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,600 Um... Robert, I'm gonna need you to put on your big-boy pants 306 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,700 and listen real careful. 307 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,600 First, women don't pay for dangle. 308 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,200 Even I can go to a club and roll out with some free dick for the night. 309 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,600 What you're doing for our women is bigger than that. 310 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:37,500 You're boosting their self-esteem, making them feel loved, desirable. 311 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,800 Pulled up Vanessa. 312 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,300 No kids, 39. 313 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,400 She found our ad in the back of that book, 314 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,500 "think like a dude 'cause your lonely black ass 315 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,200 ain't never gonna get one anyway." Ha! 316 00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:48,800 Granddad: Oh, I saw that movie. 317 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,000 Of course you did. 318 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,000 She read the book twice 'cause she didn't have a date. 319 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:55,200 This is truly the horrible nigger millennium... 320 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,900 times when even the skinny white "Sex and the City" bitches 321 00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,400 can't find a good man for six seasons. 322 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,700 Now, if them bitches got a man cold... ha! 323 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,700 Our women got a man flu! 324 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,800 And we keep them on antibiotics 325 00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:10,600 by doubling down on the bad nigger news. 326 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,700 Boss, here's our stat for the day. 327 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,200 A black woman is more likely to die in a tanning-salon fire than find true love. 328 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:20,500 You see? You're making these lonely black women feel loved, 329 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,400 and that feeling is the most powerful [Bleep] drug in the world. 330 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,000 Keep shoving that [Bleep] in Vanessa's veins... 331 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,800 she'll keep you paid forever. 332 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,200 Granddad: But I don't want forever! 333 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,400 I just want to get out of debt. 334 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,600 You know, I'm getting tired of your [Bleep]. 335 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:38,900 Mow you go blow love smoke up Vanessa's black ass and get my money. 336 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,400 Granddad: Mm-hmm. 337 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:47,900 - What the... - Riley: Mm-mmm! 338 00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:53,100 Want me to make you a plate? 339 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,000 How the hell did you get into my house? 340 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,200 Well, our first date went so well, 341 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,800 I upgraded to the "if I catch you looking at another bitch, 342 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,100 I'll kill you package"... 343 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,800 the one that comes with a house key. 344 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,600 Who wants dessert? 345 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,800 Riley: We do! I mean, I do. 346 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,500 Ruckus: Oh, don't look at me. 347 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,600 I thought that nappy-headed woman was a bear. 348 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,000 I kept trying to lock the door. 349 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,600 Granddad: She's one of my clients. 350 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,800 Ruckus: Look at you, bringing work home. 351 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,100 Very unniggardly of you, Robert. 352 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,500 Granddad: Shut up, Ruckus. We got to get her out. 353 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:27,600 Ruckus: [Laughs] 354 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,300 Boy, that is a powerful request. 355 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,800 Them big-thigh black ones just like bedbugs. 356 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,800 Once they're in, you got to damn near burn your whole house down to get 'em out. 357 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,200 Okay, I do have one solution 358 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,000 even more powerful than pouring water on their hair. 359 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,800 Give me some time. 360 00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:46,600 [Door opens, closes] 361 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,000 Granddad: Huh? 362 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,900 - About time we toss this one, too. - Granddad: Hey! 363 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,700 Riley: And this one! 364 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,700 Man, please, please, can we keep her, granddad?! 365 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,800 Granddad: You can't throw away my old shirts! 366 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,300 I relive my glory days in my old shirts! 367 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:08,000 But if we don't get rid of your ugly clothes, where will I put my clothes? 368 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,600 Granddad: In your house! 369 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,000 You know I sold my house to pay for you. 370 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,600 [Smooches] 371 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,100 Granddad: Damn! She used real sweet potatoes. 372 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,500 Okay. Instruct me on what you expect at night 373 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,500 tell you you look better without makeup, 374 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,000 a couple of "I'll kill myself if you leave me"? 375 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,200 [Laughs] You're just silly-acting. 376 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,300 [Knock on door] 377 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,200 Granddad: When did they start knocking? 378 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,700 I taught them. It's good manners. 379 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,500 - Huey: Riley's talking in his sleep. - Riley: I'm just reading. 380 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,600 Trick-ass new grandma told me to. 381 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,600 She said readin' was how she got rich enough to rent granddad. 382 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:51,600 Granddad: Enough. Get your asses in bed. 383 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:57,000 You got Riley reading? Whoo! 384 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,300 That must have taken a beating and a half. 385 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,500 I didn't beat him. We sisters have our ways. 386 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,300 Okay, I threatened to beat him... 387 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,900 the way my mom did. 388 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,200 Got real demon in the eyes and looked around at anything in sight 389 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,700 that could be used to beat that ass. 390 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000 God, I always wanted kids. 391 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,700 How 'bout I kick in an extra $200 a week 392 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,200 and you let the boys call me "mom," hmm? 393 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,600 Granddad: $200? 394 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,700 Vanessa, let's not do this anymore. 395 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,900 I'm trying to do what's right. You deserve better. 396 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:31,200 You're pretty. You make a mean sweet-potato pie. 397 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,100 You're smart. 398 00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:35,100 [Crying] I'm not smart. I can't even buy the right hooker. 399 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:37,700 I bought the one that breaks up with me. 400 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,400 Granddad: I'm not breaking up with you. 401 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,700 I'm just thinking you could be really happy without paying for it. 402 00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,100 Now you're the hooker with the heart of gold? 403 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,000 Granddad: Look, I think I'd be real lucky to find someone as sweet as you. 404 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,100 If we didn't meet this way... 405 00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,500 so what, we met this way? 406 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,900 Let's throw caution to the wind and be a real couple... 407 00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,500 No pay-per-dates! 408 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,900 Granddad: I'm under a 2-year pimp-ho contract. 409 00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,100 The escort service is run by pimps? 410 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,700 What are they, like huge scary guys? 411 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:07,900 Granddad: Yeah, they are scary. 412 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,800 [Both moaning] 413 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,900 We can do this, Robert. 414 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:18,100 I promise you, I'm worth being bitch-slapped for. 415 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:25,200 [Bleep] No. Not a clitoris' chance in Africa 416 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,300 we'll let you out of your contract. 417 00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:28,300 Granddad: [Gasps] 418 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:29,700 Aaaaaaah! 419 00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:31,700 That's right... you ain't getting out of your contract now! 420 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,800 - Granddad: Aaaaaaaaaaaah! - Take that! 421 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,600 What? Stop crying like a punk. 422 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,900 Shut the hell up. 423 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,000 You ain't nothin' but a punk-ass bitch. 424 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,000 Take that! Oh, I wish I had more speed. 425 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,300 - How'd it go? - Granddad: We're still in negotiations. 426 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,700 It'll be fine. 427 00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,900 They're my lonely, bitter girlfriends. 428 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,800 I told them about you, and they couldn't wait to try you out. 429 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,200 Granddad: I thought we... 430 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,300 I just got my ass kicked for you! 431 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,600 I'm kidding! They know we're a couple. 432 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,800 But the part about them being lonely and bitter... True. 433 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:17,400 Oh, you're just as handsome as Vanessa said. 434 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:19,500 And your grandkids are so well-mannered. 435 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:20,900 Where their daddy at? 436 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000 I bet that no-good nigger dropped them off with you 437 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,900 and never looked back, right? 438 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:28,300 We go to church every Sunday praying we find a man like you. 439 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,900 I'm not sure why we keep going. 440 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,900 Only good man in there is Jesus. 441 00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:35,900 Ruckus: Oh, the freaknik circus has come to town in Robert Freeman's living room. 442 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,300 Girls, that's Ruckus. 443 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:40,100 He is crazy! 444 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,200 But if he's Robert's friend, then he's my friend, too. 445 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,900 Oh, there's my African prince! 446 00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,000 [Breathing heavily] 447 00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,300 Ruckus: That's right... I didn't forget your request. 448 00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:53,100 The most powerful black-bitch-begone ever... 449 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,100 a beautiful white woman. 450 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:56,700 [Gasps] 451 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,700 Granddad: No! Make her leave! 452 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,700 Ruckus: That ain't possible. White women are loyal... for real. 453 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,600 Try to kick her. She'll just love you more. 454 00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:05,600 [Sobbing] 455 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:06,800 I knew this would happen. 456 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:10,800 Even the old ones gone white like they're damn NBA players or something. 457 00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:12,100 Granddad: This is all a stupid mistake. 458 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,300 I don't even know her. 459 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:16,200 [Crying] I invested all my money in you. 460 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,900 How could I be so stupid? 461 00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:21,400 Come on, girl. You can do better than that. 462 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,800 Roll your neck around and cuss his ass out. 463 00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,800 If you guys are mad, yell at me. 464 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,900 I'm fine with being treated like [bleep]. 465 00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,400 Granddad: Vanessa, please listen to me! 466 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,900 I think you've done enough talking. 467 00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:34,700 Yeah. Go talk to Becky. It's okay, girl. 468 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,000 Huey: After that day, 469 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,100 like practically everything else we've tried to make life better, 470 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,700 things fell apart. 471 00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:44,100 Vanessa and her girlfriends had granddad arrested for prostitution. 472 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,400 I sold my gold-plated hoo-ha to bail you out. 473 00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:48,800 [Smooches] 474 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,200 - [Gasps] - [Siren wails] 475 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:55,400 Huey: Of course, granddad had to give up his bosses to get a lesser charge. 476 00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:03,400 [All shouting] 477 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,500 Riley: Aww. 478 00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,800 Granddad: Okay, boys. Like every other bad thing we've been through, 479 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,200 let's forget it ever happened 480 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,500 so the three of us can get back to normal as soon as possible. 481 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,600 Huey: Uh, granddad? 482 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:20,000 [Scoffs] The three of us?! 483 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,500 Well, which one of these little boys are you tossing out? 484 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,600 'Cause I'm not going anywhere. 485 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,600 Ha ha! Nope, not after all we've been through. 486 00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,100 Huey: While I respect your loyalty, 487 00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:32,500 trust me... I'm related to these people, 488 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,400 and if I had a chance to get out... 489 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,800 I heard an NBA star moved in down the street. 490 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:44,600 Huh? 491 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,800 [Gasps] 492 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,500 Really? They're always looking for girls like me. 493 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,200 Lamar Odom, here I come! 494 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,100 [Door opens, closes] 495 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,300 Synced by emmasan www.addic7ed.com 496 00:21:59,350 --> 00:22:03,900 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37980

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