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A woman may concern, this is
Robert J. Freeman, astrophysicist, soccer star,
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00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,205
ex-UFC welterweight champion.
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00:00:07,239 --> 00:00:09,842
For many of you, this will be
the last time hearing from me,
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00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:12,278
for as of today, I'm deleting
my Facebook account forever.
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00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,748
I launched this page with high
hope that it might help me find
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00:00:14,816 --> 00:00:16,818
a woman to love me on those
lonely nights when I'm not
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jetting around the world
fighting terrorism.
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But all you bitches turn
out to be [bleep] crazy.
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Like that [bleep] crazy Carlita,
the Dominican drug queen.
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00:00:25,229 --> 00:00:28,266
An average-size man can
smuggle more cocaine in his
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00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,936
rectum than you think.
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Granddad: Or that [bleep]
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crazy Tara, who tried to
kidnap my grandson Riley.
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[ Crying ] He's just adorable!
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I can't give him back!
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You can't make me!
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You can't make me!
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Granddad: And that [bleep]
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00:00:40,882 --> 00:00:43,451
crazy Dr. Ellen Jackson, who
lured me with promises of
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romance and free checkups and
then tried to harvest my organs!
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Riley: Aah!
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Granddad: From now on,
I'm out of the game.
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Fortunately, I don't blame myself.
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I blame all of you.
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00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:57,101
I know many of you ladies
are saying, "No, Robert!
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00:00:57,169 --> 00:00:58,971
You can't take that good
loving away from us!"
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Well, it's too late.
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It's gone forever.
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And so, with no regrets, I hereby
commit Facebook hari-kari.
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[ Sighs ]
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Delete!
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♪ I am the stone that
the builder refused ♪
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♪ I am the visual, the inspiration
that made the lady sing the blues ♪
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♪ I'm the spark that
makes your idea bright ♪
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♪ the same spark that
lights the dark ♪
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♪ so that you can know your
left from your right ♪
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♪ I am the ballot in your box,
the bullet in the gun ♪
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♪ the inner glow that lets you
know to call your brother son ♪
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♪ the story that just begun ♪
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♪ the promise of what's to come ♪
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♪ and I'ma remain a soldier
till the war is won ♪
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♪ chop chop chop ♪
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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Tom: Man, this weekly jog was
a great idea, wasn't it?
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Look at us.
We're workout buddies.
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Hey, speaking of buddies, I read
your Facebook suicide note, man.
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Oh, I'm really sorry.
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Granddad: I'm not just
giving up on Facebook.
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I'm giving up on women.
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It's pointless.
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These women out here are insane!
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Ruckus: Robert, Robert.
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The key to happiness is to
eliminate all black women from
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your life.
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I mean, look at me.
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No black women in my life.
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00:02:05,141 --> 00:02:06,041
Look how happy I am.
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I'm happier than a
nigga with a new gun.
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Tom: Now, Ruckus,
that is preposterous.
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Ruckus: Oh, preposterous?
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Preposterous?
Really? Really?
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Answer me a question.
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Is you happy?
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Tom: Sure am!
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Ruckus: Aha! See?
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No black women in his life, neither.
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Nigga-free, and that's
how he need to be.
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Tom: Just because I'm married
to a white woman doesn't mean
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there's a single thing
wrong with black women.
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Granddad: True, but you
did marry a white woman.
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Tom: You have to find the woman
who makes you happy, Robert.
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Ruckus: Well, black women
don't want to be happy.
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They squeeze about seven
or eight of them little
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nappy-headed children
by the time they 21.
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It's all downhill from there.
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Look at that.
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Oh, that woman's body over
there -- that's a temple.
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A black woman's body
is a temple of doom!
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When was the last time you saw
a black woman jogging, Robert?
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Ask yourself that question!
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And I ain't talking about them
super-steroided she-males in the
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Olympics that tuck they
testicles up, either.
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Granddad: Well, come to think of it...
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Ruckus: Uh-huh!
That's what I thought.
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You ain't never seen one
'cause black women don't jog.
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That way, they don't sweat out
all them industrial-strength
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00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:04,471
toxic-avenger chemicals they use
to straighten out they hair.
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Tom: Sarah loves to jog.
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Ruckus: Well, of course she do.
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Sarah is a human being.
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Tom: Okay, fellas, enough of
the guy talk jibber-jabber
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talky-talk.
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Can we just start running already?
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Come on! [ laughs ]
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Granddad: You coming?
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Ruckus: I ain't running with
y'all two niggas in the park.
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Police might shoot me by mistake.
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See you on the other side, nigga!
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Granddad: Oh.
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Ooh-Whoo!
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Mmm.
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Mmm-mmm-mmm.
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Mm-mmm.
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♪ I know you're the one for me, baby ♪
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Oh. I'm sorry.
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You don't mind if I stop here, do you?
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Granddad: Uh, n-no.
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Y-you're jogging?
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Well, just love keeping
myself in shape.
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It's murder on my hair, but you
know -- no point in having the
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best hair at my own funeral.
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Ebony -- Ebony Brown.
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♪ Everything is ♪
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Granddad: Boys, guess what!
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I met a woman, and she asked me
out on a date.
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Huey: Grab the gun.
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Riley: Got it!
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[ Gun cocks ]
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You get the sword.
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Huey: Hurry up.
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Get to the car.
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Riley: Where's she at?
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Do we need to sneak out the back?
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Granddad: I like this one.
She's different.
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Huey: Your dating life has
been a serious threat to the
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safety of you, the
people in this house...
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Riley: And, really, the
entire neighborhood.
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Granddad: Not her.
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I met her at the park.
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00:04:19,782 --> 00:04:22,350
Riley: What was she doing in the park
in the middle of the day, huh?
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Granddad: She was jogging.
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Riley: She lookin' for some lonely
old man to take advantage of.
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Granddad: Really?
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00:04:27,155 --> 00:04:28,122
I guess it's possible.
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00:04:28,156 --> 00:04:30,223
You know what?
I'm gonna call her and cancel our date.
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Huey: Can you just take it
slow this time and maybe not
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00:04:32,326 --> 00:04:34,060
bring her back here until
you sure she's safe?
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00:04:34,128 --> 00:04:35,494
Granddad: You know what?
Never mind.
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00:04:35,529 --> 00:04:36,863
I said I was giving up on women.
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That's what I'm gonna do.
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00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:39,966
Huey: Maybe your problem with
women is you pick crazy ones.
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But you can't hold that against
every new woman you meet.
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Don't you always complain about women
who can't let go of their baggage?
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Don't be a hypocrite, granddad.
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Riley: Be a hypocrite, granddad.
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Ruckus: Hello, there,
chimpan-- uh, monkey --
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I-I mean, Negro female.
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Welcome to -- oh.
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Granddad: Damn it, Ruckus.
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00:05:06,124 --> 00:05:08,225
How can you work at all
these places at one time?
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Ruckus: Hello, Robert.
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What a surprise to see you here
with your female companion.
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Robert, who's this?
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00:05:13,065 --> 00:05:14,933
Granddad: This is just the valet guy.
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Mr. valet guy, can I speak to
you over here about the car?
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Ruckus: Robert Freeman, I swear,
every time I'm ready to
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count you amongst the smartest
of the accursed sons of ham,
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you manage to prove me wrong!
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Granddad: I want you to leave
us alone tonight, Ruckus.
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You're not gonna ruin this for me.
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We're just gonna get
to know each other.
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Ruckus: Oh, really? Really?
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Well, I'll tell you everything
you need to know right now.
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She got kids, she got a police
record, and she got debt up to
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her wide nostrils.
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Granddad: Well, we'll see about that.
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But you just leave us alone.
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I've never been here.
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Granddad: Mmm, you
smell so good, Ebony.
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Thank you.
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Mmm, everything looks great.
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Robert?
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Granddad: Aah!
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Is something wrong?
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Granddad: Nothing's wrong.
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Just very excited to get to know you.
That's all.
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00:05:58,246 --> 00:05:59,213
Tell me about yourself.
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00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,380
What do you want to know?
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00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:01,382
Granddad: Anything.
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00:06:01,449 --> 00:06:03,985
You can tell me about the last
time you were arrested or a
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funny story about the collection
Agent or about one of your many,
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many, many kids.
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00:06:07,957 --> 00:06:09,023
[ Chuckles ]
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00:06:09,091 --> 00:06:12,727
I've never been arrested, and I
don't have any kids, and I have
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00:06:12,761 --> 00:06:13,728
perfect credit.
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00:06:13,762 --> 00:06:15,163
Granddad: Really?
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00:06:15,197 --> 00:06:18,266
Uh...Uh...
I need to use the restroom.
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Ruckus, you were wrong.
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00:06:20,002 --> 00:06:22,370
No record, no kids, no nothing!
She passed the test.
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Ruckus: She didn't pass the test.
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She just smarter than you.
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Let me talk to her.
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00:06:25,975 --> 00:06:27,809
Granddad: No!
Don't you go over there, Ruckus!
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Leave me alone!
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00:06:28,377 --> 00:06:30,111
I got to go pee.
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[ Toilet flushes ]
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I'm okay. Thanks.
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00:06:37,453 --> 00:06:39,721
Phew! Don't mess it up.
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00:06:39,756 --> 00:06:41,923
Be calm. Take it slow.
Mm-hmm.
200
00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:43,192
Hot date tonight, huh, brother?
201
00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:44,060
Granddad: Yeah.
202
00:06:44,094 --> 00:06:45,827
It's like everything
she say is perfect.
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00:06:45,895 --> 00:06:46,828
But I'm taking it slow.
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00:06:46,863 --> 00:06:48,463
Just getting to know each other.
Mm-hmm.
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00:06:48,498 --> 00:06:49,364
There you go.
206
00:06:49,432 --> 00:06:50,999
Good luck, brother.
207
00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:52,233
[ Clears throat ]
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00:06:52,268 --> 00:06:53,634
[ Coins rattling ]
209
00:06:53,702 --> 00:06:55,336
Granddad: Oh, I'm sorry.
210
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,337
All I have is a $5.
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00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:57,972
All right, I'll take that for now.
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00:06:58,007 --> 00:06:59,907
Granddad: But don't you
think a $5 is a bit much?
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00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:02,342
All you did was turn the water
on and hand me a paper towel.
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00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:03,677
I didn't even ask for it.
215
00:07:03,711 --> 00:07:05,145
You don't have to ask for that!
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00:07:05,179 --> 00:07:08,081
It comes with the service, nigga,
just like the assortment
217
00:07:08,115 --> 00:07:10,683
of gums, mints, lotions,
and hair-care products.
218
00:07:10,718 --> 00:07:12,418
Granddad: But I didn't
use any of that stuff.
219
00:07:12,453 --> 00:07:13,419
I just had to pee.
220
00:07:13,454 --> 00:07:15,155
I'm happy to tip, but
a $5 is too much.
221
00:07:15,189 --> 00:07:15,989
Too much?!
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00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:19,059
For sitting a foot and a half
away from piss and [bleep] and
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00:07:19,093 --> 00:07:20,794
nasty-ass farts from you [bleep]
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00:07:20,828 --> 00:07:22,263
For six hours straight, nigga?!
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00:07:22,297 --> 00:07:24,265
Granddad: Well, I shouldn't
have to go to the ATM machine
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00:07:24,299 --> 00:07:25,966
every time I want to use
the [bleep] bathroom.
227
00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:27,435
Nigga, get your ass
away from my commodes!
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00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:28,336
Granddad: [bleep] you!
229
00:07:28,371 --> 00:07:29,804
Oh, no, no, you don't!
230
00:07:29,839 --> 00:07:32,140
No, no!
Get your ass back here with my mints!
231
00:07:32,175 --> 00:07:35,243
You lucky I ain't allowed to
leave this bathroom, nigga!
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00:07:35,278 --> 00:07:36,244
Granddad: Hmm?
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00:07:36,312 --> 00:07:37,145
[ Grumbles ]
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00:07:37,179 --> 00:07:40,148
Ruckus: Oh, I always hear
y'all complaining about a
235
00:07:40,183 --> 00:07:41,350
shortage of black men.
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00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,785
Well, clearly, you
hadn't checked jail.
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00:07:43,853 --> 00:07:46,154
[ Chuckles ] Jail?
I can't do any better than jail?
238
00:07:46,222 --> 00:07:48,423
Ruckus: Oh!
Now you too good for jail.
239
00:07:48,491 --> 00:07:49,223
Is that it?
240
00:07:49,258 --> 00:07:52,693
A jail nigga was good enough for mama
but not good enough for you, huh?
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00:07:52,728 --> 00:07:53,861
Granddad: Ruckus, stop!
242
00:07:53,929 --> 00:07:55,062
Ebony, don't listen to him.
243
00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:56,063
He's half-retarded.
244
00:07:56,097 --> 00:07:57,130
He's only got one eye!
245
00:07:57,165 --> 00:07:58,231
Ruckus: No, no, Robert!
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00:07:58,299 --> 00:08:00,033
I'm doing this for your own good.
247
00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,868
Robert, your friend is too funny.
248
00:08:01,903 --> 00:08:02,669
Both: What?
249
00:08:02,703 --> 00:08:05,104
I mean, his views are
obviously reprehensible, but
250
00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:08,407
there's just enough truth to make me
examine myself in a critical light.
251
00:08:08,475 --> 00:08:12,044
Plus, he's hilarious and,
thus, oddly likable.
252
00:08:12,111 --> 00:08:13,112
Both: Huh?
253
00:08:13,146 --> 00:08:16,382
Ruckus: Well, it's a...
It's -- it's a pleasure to meet
254
00:08:16,416 --> 00:08:18,751
you, as well...Ma'am.
255
00:08:18,785 --> 00:08:21,687
Granddad: So then Jesse tried to
say that I ordered the cheese
256
00:08:21,755 --> 00:08:24,057
sandwich and that I ate
Martin Luther king's chicken
257
00:08:24,125 --> 00:08:26,192
Pesto, but I always order
the chicken Pesto.
258
00:08:26,227 --> 00:08:28,862
Martin started ordering it after
i started ordering it.
259
00:08:28,896 --> 00:08:31,732
And so Jesse Jackson tried to
stand up all slow, and I said,
260
00:08:31,766 --> 00:08:33,934
"Pardon my language, but
you know what, Jesse?
261
00:08:33,969 --> 00:08:34,769
I'm sick of you!"
262
00:08:34,803 --> 00:08:37,739
And he pulled out a knife and said,
"Nigga, I'ma cut your nuts off!"
263
00:08:37,773 --> 00:08:39,408
So I said, "Oh [bleep] it.
It's only a sandwich."
264
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:41,043
True story.
I can't believe it.
265
00:08:41,110 --> 00:08:42,044
That actually happened?
266
00:08:42,111 --> 00:08:44,413
Granddad: Mm-hmm.
Stuff like that happen to me all the time.
267
00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:46,115
I don't think he was playing, either.
268
00:08:46,183 --> 00:08:48,017
I think he wanted to cut my nuts off.
269
00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:49,819
Do you know how amazing that is?
270
00:08:49,853 --> 00:08:52,655
Do you know how amazing your life is?
271
00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:55,024
Ruckus: Well, Robert, hope
you not feeling this credit
272
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:57,360
crunch, 'cause you just spent
a [bleep] ton to feed this
273
00:08:57,394 --> 00:08:58,294
wildebeest.
274
00:08:58,362 --> 00:08:59,929
[ Chuckles ] Wildebeest?
275
00:08:59,964 --> 00:09:00,997
Ho ho.
276
00:09:01,031 --> 00:09:04,834
Well, this one's on the wildebeest.
Ruckus: What?
277
00:09:04,902 --> 00:09:05,835
Riley: Here we go.
278
00:09:05,869 --> 00:09:06,736
You just won't learn.
279
00:09:06,804 --> 00:09:08,004
Granddad: I checked her out.
280
00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:10,640
I'm telling you, she's wonderful
-- better than wonderful!
281
00:09:10,674 --> 00:09:12,375
Huey: You sure she's not
gonna hurt anybody?
282
00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:13,743
Granddad: Almost positive.
283
00:09:13,811 --> 00:09:15,211
Riley: A'ight, granddad, go ahead.
284
00:09:15,279 --> 00:09:16,079
Fall in love again.
285
00:09:16,113 --> 00:09:17,180
He doing it again, Huey.
286
00:09:17,214 --> 00:09:18,281
I could see it in his eye.
287
00:09:18,348 --> 00:09:20,149
Granddad: She's coming over tonight.
288
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,884
You two are going to behave.
Got it?
289
00:09:21,919 --> 00:09:24,120
Riley: Why don't you just
sign your retirement benefits
290
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,089
over to her -- all your
bank accounts, too?
291
00:09:26,123 --> 00:09:27,357
You just met her yesterday.
292
00:09:27,391 --> 00:09:28,825
Psh! What's taking so long?
293
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:29,892
Granddad: Shut up.
294
00:09:29,927 --> 00:09:32,829
Riley: And you -- you an enabler.
295
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,729
Enabling-ass nigga.
296
00:09:37,265 --> 00:09:37,999
[ Laughter ]
297
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,801
Seriously?
Tom: Yeah.
298
00:09:39,835 --> 00:09:42,170
Well, I understand why
Robert was worried at first.
299
00:09:42,238 --> 00:09:43,905
There's a lot of crazy
women out there.
300
00:09:43,939 --> 00:09:46,608
Tom: Ma'am, we are so
happy you showed up.
301
00:09:46,642 --> 00:09:48,243
Ruckus: Bravo, bravo, bravo!
302
00:09:48,277 --> 00:09:52,815
Yes. That is a very impressive
set of prepared responses.
303
00:09:52,849 --> 00:09:54,617
Granddad: Ruckus, what
are you doing here?
304
00:09:54,651 --> 00:09:56,319
How did you get in?
It's okay, Robert, really.
305
00:09:56,353 --> 00:09:58,855
I think it's great that your
friends care so much about you.
306
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,158
Sarah: Robert, may I use
your little girls' room?
307
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,961
Ruckus: So, how did you two
kids meet in a park in the
308
00:10:03,995 --> 00:10:04,962
middle of a work day?
309
00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:05,963
Taking a long lunch?
310
00:10:05,998 --> 00:10:09,067
Well, I run a nonprofit organization,
so my hours are flexible.
311
00:10:09,135 --> 00:10:11,169
Tom: Wow.
So, what kind of work do you do?
312
00:10:11,204 --> 00:10:13,705
Well, up until recently, we
raised money to find a cure for
313
00:10:13,773 --> 00:10:14,706
Patterson's disease.
314
00:10:14,741 --> 00:10:15,974
Huey: Patterson's disease?
315
00:10:16,009 --> 00:10:16,942
I never heard of it.
316
00:10:16,976 --> 00:10:18,143
Ruckus: Yes, nor have I.
317
00:10:18,177 --> 00:10:20,245
Well, it's a very serious
terminal illness.
318
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,247
Well, it was a serious illness.
We cured it.
319
00:10:22,315 --> 00:10:24,148
Granddad: Wow. You cured it?
Yep.
320
00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:27,685
Tom: I've never heard of one of those
foundations actually curing anything.
321
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,054
Ruckus: Yes. That sure is
amazing that you cured that
322
00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:31,890
disease that ain't
nobody ever heard of.
323
00:10:31,957 --> 00:10:34,592
Oh, tell us, tell us -- what
other incredible things have you
324
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:35,860
done that only you know about?
325
00:10:35,895 --> 00:10:38,697
Sarah: Were you guys just talking
about Patterson's disease?
326
00:10:38,731 --> 00:10:39,765
Yes. You've heard of it?
327
00:10:39,799 --> 00:10:41,701
Sarah: My Nana had
Patterson's disease.
328
00:10:41,735 --> 00:10:43,703
Tom: Oh, hon, I never knew that.
329
00:10:43,737 --> 00:10:44,671
Granddad: She cured it.
330
00:10:44,705 --> 00:10:46,673
Sarah: Oh...My God.
331
00:10:46,707 --> 00:10:49,042
You saved my Nana's life!
332
00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:50,210
[ Sobbing ]
333
00:10:50,244 --> 00:10:53,146
How wonderful you are!
334
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:56,283
[ Sobbing ]
335
00:10:56,317 --> 00:10:57,217
Tom: Ohh.
336
00:10:57,251 --> 00:10:58,852
Congratulations, Robert.
337
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,554
Sarah: She's amazing!
338
00:11:00,588 --> 00:11:02,189
Granddad: Now, now, we're
just taking it slow.
339
00:11:02,223 --> 00:11:03,857
Ruckus: I tell you all, it's a trap!
340
00:11:03,925 --> 00:11:07,660
Beneath that baby-soft, lotiony
exterior, them wide, inviting
341
00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:11,831
hips, and that ample chocolate
bosom is a savage, africanized,
342
00:11:11,866 --> 00:11:15,301
pot-boiling, bone-in-the-nose,
doing-a-monkey-dance,
343
00:11:15,336 --> 00:11:16,135
playing-drums female!
344
00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:17,770
Granddad: Ruckus, get the hell on!
Go!
345
00:11:17,838 --> 00:11:19,739
Ruckus: You might as well
be [bleep] an orangutan!
346
00:11:19,773 --> 00:11:21,273
Granddad: Didn't I tell
you she's perfect?
347
00:11:21,308 --> 00:11:22,274
She's the perfect woman.
348
00:11:22,309 --> 00:11:24,109
Huey: I can't find
anything wrong with her.
349
00:11:24,177 --> 00:11:25,210
Riley: A'ight, granddad.
350
00:11:25,278 --> 00:11:26,111
Maybe she not a ho.
351
00:11:26,145 --> 00:11:28,646
Maybe she'll just marry you and
take everything when you die.
352
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,681
Let's call her a businesswoman.
353
00:11:30,749 --> 00:11:32,316
Granddad: All right,
boys, time for bed.
354
00:11:32,384 --> 00:11:33,651
Say good night to miss Ebony.
355
00:11:33,719 --> 00:11:36,921
Huey, Riley, it was great
meeting the both of you.
356
00:11:36,955 --> 00:11:39,023
Huey: It was quite a relief
to meet you, miss Ebony.
357
00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:42,126
Riley: I hope we can hang out again before
you steal all my granddad's money.
358
00:11:42,194 --> 00:11:43,895
Granddad: Unh!
359
00:11:43,929 --> 00:11:45,897
[ Soft music plays ]
360
00:11:48,934 --> 00:11:50,935
♪ Doo doo doo doo, Dee ♪
361
00:11:50,970 --> 00:11:55,007
[ chuckles ]
362
00:11:55,074 --> 00:11:58,743
Granddad: [ humming ]
363
00:11:58,811 --> 00:11:59,210
Ooh!
364
00:11:59,278 --> 00:12:01,613
♪ I know you're the one for me, baby ♪
365
00:12:01,647 --> 00:12:02,614
Granddad: Ohh!
366
00:12:02,648 --> 00:12:04,749
Eee!
367
00:12:04,784 --> 00:12:06,751
Oh, daddy.
368
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:11,923
[ Moaning passionately ]
369
00:12:11,991 --> 00:12:13,291
Granddad: Sweet thing, you.
370
00:12:13,359 --> 00:12:14,659
Mm-mm-mmm.
Wait.
371
00:12:14,727 --> 00:12:15,994
Can we turn the lights on?
372
00:12:16,062 --> 00:12:17,162
I like to be able to see.
373
00:12:17,196 --> 00:12:18,196
Granddad: Lights on?
374
00:12:18,264 --> 00:12:20,099
Uh, I just put on
some weight recently.
375
00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:21,100
[ Chuckles nervously ]
376
00:12:21,168 --> 00:12:22,902
I'd rather keep it very, very dark.
377
00:12:22,936 --> 00:12:24,904
Uh...Just use your imagination.
378
00:12:24,938 --> 00:12:26,105
[ Chuckles ]
379
00:12:26,139 --> 00:12:27,540
You're so funny.
380
00:12:27,608 --> 00:12:29,876
Okay. Whatever you like.
381
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:31,878
[ Smooching, giggling ]
382
00:12:41,656 --> 00:12:43,523
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
383
00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:46,524
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
384
00:13:12,354 --> 00:13:14,055
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me guess, let me guess.
385
00:13:14,089 --> 00:13:15,957
And ed III gets shot in the chest.
386
00:13:15,992 --> 00:13:16,892
Granddad: Yes.
387
00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:18,126
[ Laughs ]
388
00:13:18,161 --> 00:13:19,328
I just love your life.
389
00:13:19,362 --> 00:13:22,699
You have these crazy adventures
with these bizarre characters,
390
00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:23,700
and it's so much fun.
391
00:13:23,734 --> 00:13:25,168
Granddad: Never thought
about it like that.
392
00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:26,770
Seemed like a bunch of problems to me.
393
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,539
I love it that you fight
people with a belt.
394
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,141
I love it that you're
friends with a pimp named
395
00:13:30,175 --> 00:13:31,309
a pimp named slickback.
396
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:33,611
I love that Riley thinks
everything is gay.
397
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:36,080
I know I shouldn't like any
of these things, but I do.
398
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,249
Granddad: Yeah, I guess
it is kind of fun.
399
00:13:38,316 --> 00:13:39,950
I want to be a character.
400
00:13:39,984 --> 00:13:42,519
Granddad: Uh, cameo or reoccurring?
401
00:13:42,587 --> 00:13:43,787
Regular.
402
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,789
Granddad: Oh, my.
403
00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:53,764
What am I gonna do?
She's the perfect woman!
404
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:54,865
Huey: What's the problem?
405
00:13:54,933 --> 00:13:56,234
Granddad: She's too good for me.
406
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:57,602
Huey: Is that what she said?
407
00:13:57,669 --> 00:14:00,037
Granddad: No, she said she likes
and accepts me for who I am.
408
00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:01,138
Huey: So, what's the problem?
409
00:14:01,172 --> 00:14:02,739
Granddad: She doesn't
know the real me.
410
00:14:02,774 --> 00:14:03,940
No one normal can love the real me.
411
00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:05,742
Have to do something drastic
before I screw it up.
412
00:14:05,776 --> 00:14:08,144
I should try to be someone
totally different -- you know,
413
00:14:08,212 --> 00:14:10,846
like Tyrese or Chris Brown, someone
who's not a dorky old man.
414
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,847
Riley: Yep. Makes sense.
415
00:14:11,881 --> 00:14:13,949
Granddad: And I shouldn't
tell her how much I like her.
416
00:14:14,017 --> 00:14:15,951
Women like the chase, don't they?
Riley: Yep.
417
00:14:15,986 --> 00:14:18,187
Granddad: Soon as she thinks
she's got me, she's gonna move
418
00:14:18,221 --> 00:14:20,289
on to another old man to satisfy
her sick old-man fetish.
419
00:14:20,323 --> 00:14:22,959
Riley: Nah, she probably just
got a young nigga on the side.
420
00:14:22,993 --> 00:14:23,960
Granddad: Another man?
421
00:14:24,027 --> 00:14:27,130
Of course! With all these young men with
good blood pressures running around.
422
00:14:27,198 --> 00:14:28,599
And he's probably buff, too.
423
00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:29,767
Riley: Yep, real buff.
424
00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:31,101
Granddad: Like Tyrese buff?
425
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:32,836
Riley: Nah, like 50 Cent buff.
426
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:33,771
Granddad: Oh, no!
427
00:14:33,805 --> 00:14:36,140
He probably spend all his time
in the gym getting strong!
428
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,743
I bet she thinks of him every
day, even when she's with me.
429
00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:40,578
Riley: Especially when she with you.
430
00:14:40,645 --> 00:14:42,046
Huey: Granddad, this is silly.
431
00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:43,047
She obviously likes you.
432
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:44,482
Just relax and be yourself.
433
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,483
Granddad: Myself? Nah.
434
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,486
That'll never work.
435
00:14:49,857 --> 00:14:52,925
Yeah, uh, I'm looking for
something like a homing device,
436
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,627
like in the movies, you know?
437
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:58,498
See, I have a friend who needs to follow
around a young lady friend.
438
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,132
Uh...Uh, not stalking
her or anything.
439
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,569
You know, that would be real creepy.
440
00:15:05,206 --> 00:15:07,741
[ Car alarm deactivates ]
441
00:15:07,808 --> 00:15:10,009
[ Engine turns over ]
442
00:15:10,044 --> 00:15:12,946
Ruckus: So, you just put that
little GPS gadget thingy in her
443
00:15:13,014 --> 00:15:14,981
car, and now we can
follow her anywhere.
444
00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:17,751
Lord, the white man sure is brilliant.
445
00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:20,988
I do love him and his
modern technology so.
446
00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:24,825
Finally, that which the darkie
has done in darkness shall come
447
00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:26,093
to light!
448
00:15:26,161 --> 00:15:27,561
Granddad: I can't believe it.
449
00:15:27,629 --> 00:15:29,196
Why, lord? Why?!
450
00:15:29,231 --> 00:15:32,733
Ohh!
451
00:15:32,768 --> 00:15:34,835
Ohh!
452
00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:35,903
I didn't know she can do that!
453
00:15:35,971 --> 00:15:36,803
Ruckus: Let me see!
454
00:15:36,838 --> 00:15:38,739
Let me see!
455
00:15:38,774 --> 00:15:39,340
Oh, my God.
456
00:15:39,374 --> 00:15:40,474
Look at that.
457
00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:42,276
I'm so sorry, Robert, but I told you.
458
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:45,013
That afro-tramp could
not be -- aah! Aah!
459
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,013
[ Squirrel chittering ]
460
00:15:46,081 --> 00:15:48,015
Sorry, squirrel.
461
00:15:50,952 --> 00:15:51,985
Hmm. I don't know.
462
00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:53,987
I don't think I'm a
fan of the earring.
463
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,056
Granddad: Well, I like it.
It's my ear.
464
00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:57,891
I can wear an earring -- maybe two!
465
00:15:57,959 --> 00:15:59,826
You saying I'm too old
to wear an earring?
466
00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:00,893
What's wrong?
467
00:16:00,928 --> 00:16:01,627
You seem grumpy.
468
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,796
Granddad: Oh, like "Grumpy Old Men," huh?
469
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,064
[ Laughs ] I get it.
470
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,165
Let's all laugh at the old guy.
471
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,232
Is something bothering you?
472
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,867
Granddad: Now I'm too sensitive.
473
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,901
Is that it? Huh?
474
00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:11,769
No, I'm not saying that.
475
00:16:11,803 --> 00:16:14,605
I -- what -- are you okay?
476
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:15,806
Granddad: Oh.
477
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:17,542
Look, do you want me to take off?
478
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:20,077
I feel like I'm getting
on your nerves.
479
00:16:20,111 --> 00:16:22,512
Granddad: Hey! Hey!
480
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:25,148
Stop looking at my woman!
481
00:16:25,216 --> 00:16:27,050
Hey, what the hell?!
482
00:16:27,085 --> 00:16:29,052
Why are y'all staring
at my girl like that?!
483
00:16:29,087 --> 00:16:29,887
I know she's hot!
484
00:16:29,921 --> 00:16:32,055
I know she's got a big,
wonderful, glorious behind!
485
00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:33,256
But I'm the guy she's with!
486
00:16:33,324 --> 00:16:35,960
And y'all think because I'm a
pudgy old man that y'all can
487
00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:37,261
just look at her when you want!
488
00:16:37,295 --> 00:16:40,532
I may not be young, I may not be
buff like Tyrese, I may not have
489
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,968
the pectorial muscles of a
Michael jai white or the
490
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,237
washboard abs of a Tyson
Beckford, or even the
491
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,707
[bleep]-your-pants scariness
of a kimbo slice!
492
00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:50,610
But don't think I won't punch one
of you punk-asses in the eye
493
00:16:50,644 --> 00:16:52,045
for looking at my girl!
494
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,713
You!
Mnh-mnh.
495
00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:55,515
Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.
496
00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:57,250
You! Hey! Punk!
497
00:16:57,285 --> 00:16:58,251
Why you lookin' at my girl?!
498
00:16:58,319 --> 00:16:59,152
Robert, stop!
499
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,855
[ Thud ]
500
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:05,925
I'm so, so, so, so sorry, Ebony.
501
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,593
Please don't break up with me.
502
00:17:07,661 --> 00:17:10,062
You don't have to keep
apologizing, Robert.
503
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,230
I'm worried about you.
504
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,298
Granddad: I don't know
what came over me.
505
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,833
I just -- I feel so old.
506
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,769
There's so many younger, sexier
men out there, like bald
507
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:20,939
Boris Kodjoe or the British
sophistication of an Idris Elba.
508
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,874
Robert, I don't want
to date those guys.
509
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,642
I've already dated those guys.
510
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:25,509
Granddad: What?
511
00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:26,744
[ Chuckles ] I'm kidding.
512
00:17:26,778 --> 00:17:27,578
Granddad: Whew!
513
00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:29,579
Thought you was a ho for a second.
514
00:17:29,647 --> 00:17:31,781
Riley: Aw, man, you fought for her?
515
00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:33,683
Nobody told you to fight for her!
516
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:35,018
She'll never respect you now.
517
00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:38,021
I mean, she probably didn't want to say it
to your face, but it's a wrap.
518
00:17:38,055 --> 00:17:40,123
Granddad: Shut up!
I'm not listening to you anymore.
519
00:17:40,191 --> 00:17:42,092
Riley: It's a shame, too.
She wasn't bad.
520
00:17:42,126 --> 00:17:44,728
Granddad: She said she's gonna
give me another chance.
521
00:17:44,762 --> 00:17:45,829
Riley: Is that right?
522
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:47,097
How long since she called you?
523
00:17:47,131 --> 00:17:48,198
Granddad: [ groans ]
524
00:17:48,265 --> 00:17:49,666
[ Answering machine beeps ]
525
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:50,667
Hey, it's me again.
526
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:53,203
I just sent you a text message
and e-mail and an instant
527
00:17:53,237 --> 00:17:54,738
message and a MySpace message.
528
00:17:54,772 --> 00:17:56,573
And I just put an actual
letter in the mail.
529
00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:58,174
You should be getting
it in a couple of days.
530
00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:00,543
And I also tried to send you a
telegraph at the station, but
531
00:18:00,578 --> 00:18:02,012
the man said they don't exist anymore.
532
00:18:02,046 --> 00:18:04,147
And I tried to page you, but the
man said that doesn't exist
533
00:18:04,181 --> 00:18:05,215
anymore, either.
534
00:18:05,282 --> 00:18:08,184
So, uh...
Just call me when you can.
535
00:18:08,219 --> 00:18:10,186
I'll just be here waiting.
536
00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:12,022
[ Answering machine beeps ]
537
00:18:12,089 --> 00:18:14,090
[ Sighs ] We're like
the perfect couple.
538
00:18:14,124 --> 00:18:17,560
I'm starting to look like you.
539
00:18:28,738 --> 00:18:30,740
Granddad: [ sniffles ]
540
00:18:30,807 --> 00:18:32,741
[ Groans ]
541
00:18:42,919 --> 00:18:44,186
Riley: Granddad, I found her!
542
00:18:44,254 --> 00:18:46,188
Granddad: You did?
Twitter?
543
00:18:46,256 --> 00:18:47,622
What the hell is a Twitter?
544
00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:49,991
[bleep] they keep coming up with
these stupid computer things.
545
00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:50,725
I can't keep up.
546
00:18:50,759 --> 00:18:52,727
There should be one damn
computer thing and that's it.
547
00:18:52,794 --> 00:18:54,528
Riley: Well, her Twitter
says she's in Malaysia.
548
00:18:54,596 --> 00:18:55,529
Granddad: Malaysia?
549
00:18:55,597 --> 00:18:56,530
What's she doing there?
550
00:18:56,564 --> 00:18:58,165
She obviously went there
to get away from me!
551
00:18:58,199 --> 00:19:01,634
Riley: Or maybe she went for the
inexpensive male prostitutes.
552
00:19:01,668 --> 00:19:03,236
Huey: She probably just
needs a little space.
553
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,271
Riley: Yeah, a little
other-side-of-the-planet space.
554
00:19:05,305 --> 00:19:07,239
Granddad, you better hurry
before she gets to the moon.
555
00:19:07,274 --> 00:19:08,540
Granddad: It's settled, then.
556
00:19:08,608 --> 00:19:10,542
I'm going to Malaysia.
557
00:19:29,231 --> 00:19:31,166
Unh! Ohh!
558
00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:40,207
[ Breathing heavily ]
559
00:19:40,242 --> 00:19:42,876
Make sure those crates...
Granddad: Ebony!
560
00:19:42,944 --> 00:19:44,778
Robert!
What are you doing here?
561
00:19:44,812 --> 00:19:47,113
Granddad: Why?
Why did you leave me all alone?
562
00:19:47,148 --> 00:19:50,783
I mean, I know I made mistakes, but
to leave forever without saying goodbye?
563
00:19:50,851 --> 00:19:54,220
Robert, it's been 16 hours,
and the flight is 12 hours.
564
00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:55,588
Granddad: Oh, yeah.
565
00:19:55,656 --> 00:19:57,590
Somehow, it seemed longer than that.
566
00:19:57,658 --> 00:19:59,793
I tried to call, but my phone
doesn't work over here.
567
00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:01,595
Granddad: Well, then,
why did you leave?
568
00:20:01,663 --> 00:20:03,697
You didn't hear about the typhoon?
569
00:20:03,732 --> 00:20:05,233
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
570
00:20:05,267 --> 00:20:07,235
[ Indistinct conversations ]
571
00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:15,210
Robert, I'm really shocked that
you came all the way out here,
572
00:20:15,244 --> 00:20:16,878
but it's not healthy.
573
00:20:16,946 --> 00:20:17,879
Look at you.
574
00:20:17,947 --> 00:20:22,050
You look exhausted and stressed,
and -- I don't know -- I don't
575
00:20:22,084 --> 00:20:23,051
want to have this effect on you.
576
00:20:23,118 --> 00:20:23,951
You don't look happy.
577
00:20:24,019 --> 00:20:24,952
Granddad: I'm happy.
578
00:20:24,987 --> 00:20:26,320
What makes you think I'm not happy?
579
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,021
It was all just a big
misunderstanding.
580
00:20:28,056 --> 00:20:30,590
Hoo! Well, since I'm already
here, I might as well help out
581
00:20:30,625 --> 00:20:31,591
with the relief effort.
582
00:20:31,659 --> 00:20:33,093
Robert, you have to slow this down.
583
00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:34,727
Granddad: No, let's speed it up.
584
00:20:34,762 --> 00:20:35,729
Let's go faster!
585
00:20:35,763 --> 00:20:36,930
Robert, you'll be fine.
586
00:20:36,964 --> 00:20:40,100
Next week, you'll have some crazy
adventure with another woman.
587
00:20:40,134 --> 00:20:42,035
You won't even remember
this little episode.
588
00:20:42,102 --> 00:20:43,103
Granddad: I don't know.
589
00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:46,573
I'm not too sure I have
many episodes left.
590
00:20:49,043 --> 00:20:51,111
Goodbye, Robert.
591
00:20:51,145 --> 00:20:53,013
Granddad: [ groans ]
592
00:20:53,047 --> 00:20:55,015
Please?
593
00:20:57,585 --> 00:20:58,852
Ruckus: Where she at?
594
00:20:58,886 --> 00:20:59,719
Where she at?!
595
00:20:59,754 --> 00:21:00,920
Miss Brown! Miss Brown!
596
00:21:00,988 --> 00:21:02,555
Oh, I know she in here, Robert.
597
00:21:02,623 --> 00:21:05,024
And I can't hold my
feelings inside no longer.
598
00:21:05,092 --> 00:21:07,126
Marry me, miss Ebony Brown!
599
00:21:07,194 --> 00:21:10,029
Do me the honor of becoming
Mrs. Uncle Ruckus.
600
00:21:10,097 --> 00:21:11,931
Granddad: She's gone, Ruckus.
601
00:21:11,999 --> 00:21:12,999
Ruckus: Gone?
602
00:21:13,033 --> 00:21:14,566
What you mean, she gone?
603
00:21:14,601 --> 00:21:16,268
Granddad: I blew it.
604
00:21:16,303 --> 00:21:18,004
Ruckus: Is she ever coming back?
605
00:21:18,071 --> 00:21:19,071
Granddad: I don't know.
606
00:21:19,105 --> 00:21:20,740
She said I didn't love myself enough.
607
00:21:20,808 --> 00:21:22,275
Ruckus: Well, that's understandable.
608
00:21:22,309 --> 00:21:23,610
You a coon.
609
00:21:23,644 --> 00:21:26,981
Hey, I wonder if Ebony can start
one of them foundations and cure
610
00:21:27,015 --> 00:21:28,182
revitiligo.
611
00:21:28,216 --> 00:21:29,917
Oh, she sure was something.
612
00:21:29,952 --> 00:21:33,154
I mean, she was an ape, but she
was the prettiest ape I ever
613
00:21:33,189 --> 00:21:34,656
seen.
614
00:21:34,724 --> 00:21:37,826
Granddad: This is the new Facebook
account of Robert j. Freeman.
615
00:21:37,894 --> 00:21:39,795
I'm old but still get
around pretty well.
616
00:21:39,829 --> 00:21:42,998
I have two bad grandkids, and I
enjoy pork, orange juice, and
617
00:21:43,032 --> 00:21:45,167
watching "Real Housewives of Compton."
618
00:21:45,201 --> 00:21:47,535
No [bleep] crazy women, please.
619
00:21:47,536 --> 00:21:49,536
And don't forget to ***. LOL.
620
00:21:49,537 --> 00:21:59,537
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
621
00:21:59,587 --> 00:22:04,137
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
46449
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