All language subtitles for S05E11

Dre: Parenting.

Some people think
you've got to read books

or go to lectures
to be good at it.

Those people like to waste
their time and money.

See, Bow and I
have parenting down.

For example,
Junior's supposed to be

on this new track
of finding himself.

The only thing he's found

is how to run up
my daytime electric bill.

So I'll laugh politely
and then say...

Hey, Junior.

In a month, I'm kicking you
out of my house.

And Bow is doing her thing.

This week, she pulled back
on the twins' screen time.

And what happened?

"All right. So they got A's
on their English test.

Well, I mean, Jack got a C."
But for Jack, that's an A.

Yep.

We've got parenting on lock.
[ Cellphone vibrating ]

We're ready for anything.

[ Beep ]

Hey, June Bug.
What up, cuzzo?

Hey, before you say anything,

I do not want any more
Herbalife, okay?

Because I am never
going to be a distributor.

You see, that attitude
right there --

that's why you got
the sugars right now.

Actually,
it's about Kyra.

It's your turn
to take her in.

Wait, what?
Well, she'll be there tomorrow.

I'm putting her in an Uber,
but my card might not work,

so make sure you have
some cash on your side.

H-Hey, but --
Going through a tunnel!

[ Beeping ]
[ Sighs ]

June Bug.

He's sending us
Kyra tomorrow.

Please tell me that Kyra
is a new flavor of Herbalife.

That would be too easy.

♪♪

So cousin Kyra's gonna come
stay with us.

Mm-hmm.
When was the last time
we saw her?

I don't know.
It's been years.

Yeah, she's 16 now.
Whew.

Been bouncing
from house to house

ever since her mother
went to prison.

Ugh, poor girl.
Yeah.

I remember my mom went to
a silent yoga retreat

for a weekend, and I was --
I was a mess.

Oh, you get it.
Yes.

Yeah, but when she gets here,
could you not talk to her?

Because you don't get it.

Okay, let me just ask.
Mm-hmm?

What happens
if we don't do this?

I don't know.

She'll probably go
in the system.

Oh, no.
Babe, it's -- it's not great.

All right, no.

We -- We --
We are doing this.

Okay.
Diane: Doing what?

♪♪

So...
Mm-hmm.

...Kyra arrives tomorrow...
Yep. Mm-hmm.

...and we are putting her
in Zoey's room.

And trust me, you guys.

You're gonna love Kyra.
Mm-hmm.

Any questions?
Yeah, I have one.

Who the heck is Kyra?

You've been saying Kyra
like we're supposed to

know who Kyra is.

You know Kyra.
Ramona's daughter.

From Compton, got arrested
for shoplifting.

Both: What?
Oh, I'm sorry.

Was that supposed to
be a secret?

Dre: Guys,
it wasn't that serious.

It's still
a prior arrest.

And now she can get her second
and third strike

here at our house.

Guys, we are at capacity.
Look around.

Does the fire department know
how many people live here?

'Cause I'll call.

Are you listening
to yourselves?

You sound spoiled
and selfish.

Yeah.
They sound smarter than you.

Best case scenario, this
criminal robs us while we sleep.

Worst case scenario,
she robs us while we're awake.

More stabbing involved.

Pops!
Okay, guys, enough!

All right,
Kyra is a good girl.

She's just gone through
some bad things.
Yeah.

All right, we've got
to believe in people.
Yeah.

[ Inhales sharply ]
Do we?

Oh, I know you're not supposed
to have a favorite grandchild,

but this one is solid.

Do none of you have
any compassion?

Well, I for one like that a
troubled youth is coming, okay?

It puts us in a real-life
"Blind Side" situation.

Huh?

If Sandy Bullock
has shown us anything,

it is that tough love can really
change a black kid's life.

He is tempting me
to change my mind.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But he is right.

Mm-hmm.
This is happening.

Yes, it is.

We are incredible parents.
Yes, we are.

And this is
a wonderful family,

and we got this, okay?

Mm-hmm.
And we're gonna kill it.

Love you like my daughter,
Rainbow.

But you're lying
to these children.

♪♪

Wow. Hey, Dre.
Why so happy?

-Yeah.
-Oh, did they just free Mumia?

No, but I'm doing my part
to make it better.

My cousin's daughter Kyra's
coming to live with us.

-Ah.
-Ah.
-Oh. Whoa.

Ah, I admire
your sense of goodwill.

Now, does this charity extend
to a beloved co-worker

whose house may or may not
be rented out

for an adult film trilogy?

That -- That's
where you eat, man.

Yes, it is.

Dre, seriously.

Why are you adding kids
to your home, hmm?

You should be
removing them.

Look,
boarding schools exist

so that our children can be
raised by professionals,

as God intended.

Yeah, I went to
boarding school,

and I hardly ever cry
when I shower anymore.

Look, Dre.

You're not really
taking on this kid, right?

Of course I am.

[ Sighs ]
This is a privilege.

To take care of our own,
that's what we do,

ever since
the Great Migration,

when our people
had to leave the Deep South

to escape oppression.

The only way we were
able to do that

is if our relatives
took us in.

Well, that --
that's great, boss. In theory.

See, I let my cousin stay
with me, and he crushed me.

What happened?
He stole my identity,

and now my credit score
is eight.
Well, look.

I'm not worried about it
because she's just a kid.

Oh, well, that's better.

I mean, except for the fact
that she is emotionally damaged,

financially dependent upon you,

and you're liable
for any crime she commits.

You know what?
I'm just gonna do my best,

and if it doesn't
work out...

Ah, it's gonna work out.
You're gonna kill it.

Soon, all your relatives

will be dropping
their kids off to you

until your pass-around kids
outnumber your real kids.

Sick of it,
Bow will then leave you.

You'll probably
lose the house

feeding and clothing
all those kids,

but you'll be celebrated
on a Black History Month stamp

and then die
at the age of 51.

Packed funeral, though.
I'll be there.

With Bow.

[ Whispering ]
Bow Telphy.

I don't want to lose
my wife or my house.

I don't want to be on
a Black History stamp,

and my credit score's
the best thing about me!

I don't want to do this!

Damn it, why can't I turn
my back on my family

like the white man does?

Josh: Dre.

There's still time.

♪♪

Bow, we cannot do this,
all right?!

We are not accepting anybody
else into this house!

I want everybody to act like the
Jehovah Witnesses are outside!

Turn off the lights
and turn off the TV

because Kyra is gonna
have to take care of Kyra.

Rainbow: Dre? Dre?
Hmm?

Kyra's here.

Hey.
Hey.

Hey...Kyra.

Why are you, uh -- Why do you
have that look on your face?

Hmm?

You know -- Will somebody
please say something?

You are ridiculous, son.

♪♪

So we just want to say again
that we're so happy...
Yeah.

...that you are
staying with us.
Mm-hmm.

And ignore everything that --
that he said.

Well, you know,
my sugars were low.

Yeah. [ Laughs ]
[ Chuckles ]

No, I get it.
Everybody's nervous.

You haven't seen me in years.
Mm-hmm.

And now I'm living here.
Yeah.

For all you know, I'm gonna have
my friends run up in here

and rob the place.

Huh?
What?

N-- Okay, so we're not
in a joking place yet.

[ Chuckles ]
Now, that's funny.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, that was a --
[ Laughs loudly ]

That's a joke!

Okay, come on.
It's hilarious.

Come on. Let's go.
Okay. Come on, sweetheart.

This is, um...
[ Clears throat ]

This is where you're gonna stay.
Right in here.

Yep. This, uh...
This is your room.

-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.

Wow.
This is really nice.

Okay, well,
get yourself settled in,

and I'll go downstairs
and get the rest of your stuff.

-Yeah.
-This backpack is it.

A couple years ago,
I stayed in a shelter for a bit,

and all my stuff got stolen.

Oh, my God.
Turns out,
I love to travel light.

[ Laughs loudly ]

Bow, I don't think
that was a joke.

That one wasn't a --
No, I'm serious.

Okay.
Okay. Bye.

-Mm-hmm.
-Dre, all she has is that --

that one sad,
little backpack.
[ Door closes ]

Yeah, I know.
Poor little girl.

My -- "Poor little girl"?
Mm-hmm.

Five minutes ago, you were ready
to throw her out on the street.

I'm not a good person,
Bow.

[ Scoffs ]
Hurt people hurt people.

Oh, I know.
She has nothing.

She knows nobody.

She probably doesn't even know
when her own birthday is.

[ Gasps ] We've really
got to go all out.

Yeah, we do.
Dre, we've got to --

we've got to shower her
with love, hugs, and --

Forget love.
She needs stuff.

Stuff?
Have you seen her shoe game?

No.
She's not showing it,

but it's probably
killing her on the inside.

You think that's what she's
dying on the inside about?

Mm-hmm.
Not about the fact
that her mother's in jail?

Well, at least her mother
has a release date.

Oh, my God.
No telling how long

she's not gonna be fresh.

[ Sighs ]

Jack: Man, Kyra posts
a lot of inspirational quotes.

Hmm.
"Be your own boyfriend"?

Something happened.
Mm. Yeah.

Like murder.
Yeah.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, stalking our cousin Kyra
on Instagram.

Yeah, she just moved in with us,
and she might be dangerous.

Mm.

Let me see.
Okay.

You think the girl
with the braces

and the bunny-filter selfies
is dangerous?

Maybe you're just scared
of black people.

Hey, watch it, Glasses.

I'm just saying she looks like
your everyday,

cute, pretty, super-foxy,
possibly available teenager.

Okay, dude. We get it.
You're going through puberty.

Whatever.
That girl's harmless.

Maybe she is just normal.

Here she is with her friends
at the beach.

Beach pic?
Yeah.

A one-piece?
Dude, don't waste my time.

♪♪

Good morning, Kyra.
Welcome to your second chance.

How long have you
been waiting there?

Your whole life.

But for real, 22 minutes.

I'm gonna be your bridge from
urban life to suburban life.

I got you this.

It's for you to write down your
thoughts, feelings, poetry.

That book will be something
you leave behind

that says you were here.

This is what happened.

You...matter.

I appreciate this.
Mm-hmm.

I think that's
a lady's jacket.

♪♪

Uh...

Just remember --
it's not your fault!

I will say that as many times
as it takes!

[ Sighs ]

Got her.

Hey. Hey, there.

Hey.
So, um, made
a little breakfast.

Got, um -- Okay,
we've got, uh, pancakes.

Mm-hmm.
Pancakes.
And I made bacon.

Irish scones,
English muffins.
Mm-hmm.

Just bread
from every country,

and holler
if you want some...

challah!

[ Laughs ]
Yeah. Had my coffee.

Thanks, but I don't
usually eat breakfast.
Oh?

If I get hungry, I just
grab something from the
vending machine at school.

Well, it's too much sugar.
That's too much sugar.
Okay, no, no, no.
Well, here, then.

Um, why don't you, uh --
vending machine.

Here, just take the $20.
Yeah.

Y-You know?
No, just give me that.

Just take a $50.
You know what? Take $100.

You know what?
Just -- Just take it all.

You know, just -- just make it
rain Skittles at school.

I'm good.
Okay.

Oh.
This is yours. Okay.

Um, I've got to go
before I miss my bus.

Oh, no. Just --
Uh, let me drive you.

Are you kidding me?
Oh, it's so easy.
Mm-hmm.

Easy. It's like home,
Compton, hospital.

It's like blip!
It's fine.

Are you sure?
I'll see you tonight.

Here, hold on. Let me --
I-I'll see you tonight.

Do you want to take a --
take a --
I'll see you tonight.

All right. Okay.
Well, you know what?

Um, I'll just leave
this loose money in your room!

Maybe the croissant
for later.

Why did you scare her off
with this weirdo breakfast?

[ Door closes ]
Me?!

Kids from the hood
don't eat granola.

There's so much --
We don't have fluoride
in our water.

We can't chew it.
And you're just gonna
throw money at her

and make her love you?
I'm a powerful man.

That's what I do.
Okay.

Did we -- Did we --
Did we do too much?

Of course we did too much.

I tried to give her $9,000.

We have five kids, okay?
Mm-hmm.

We -- We know how to do this.
Yeah, we do.

Let's just...treat her
like one of our kids.

And not just like any one
of them, you know,

o-one of the ones we like.

We like all of our kids, Dre.
Oh, yeah? Speak for yourself.

♪♪

So the plan was we would treat
Kyra like one of our kids.

Only problem was,
some of our kids

were acting like they lost
their damn minds.

♪ Been spending
most their lives ♪

♪ Living in
the gangsta's paradise ♪
What's that?

What are you...?

[ Scoffs ]
Oh.

Oh.

What are you doing?

Just wanted to
let Kyra know...

[ As Sean Connery ]
"You're the man now, dawg."

Get your ass out of here and
take your mama's jacket off.

Jack: Guys, she doesn't
need to be saved anyway.

She's cool.

Yeah, one of her
hair-braiding videos

got liked by
Michelle Obama.

You two should not
be stalking Kyra.

We are not stalking her.

"Karen Miller"
is stalking her.

Who's Karen Miller?
That's our Finstagram.

We have
a fake Instagram?

Uh, yeah.

I've been using,
"This is Jack Johnson."

This is why
I work alone!

Guys, put the phones down.

We need to treat Kyra like
a member of our family,

which she is.

Mm-hmm.
[ Door closes ]

So put -- put -- Hello.
Oh, hey.

Hello, Kyra. Hi.
Hi.

Hey, there.

Yeah, and look at that.
And you brought a --

You brought a f-f-friend.
Hello.

Okay, well, that's fine.
I mean, we love it.

Our kids bring friends
all the time.
Mm-hmm.

It's -- If you just let us
know, we can put --

make a little plate.
[ Chuckles ]

Anyway, we're cool with that.
Aren't you?

Yeah, we're cool, aren't we?
Yeah -- Yeah.

As soon as I find out if that
face tat is real.

It is.
Oh, my goodness.

Impressive.
Did that hurt?

Oh.
No?

Cool. Everybody,
this is my girl, Stunts.
Mm-hmm.

Do you mind
if she stays for dinner?

No. Not at all. Nope.
No.

I heard y'all
got hella bread.

[ Chuckling ] We do.
Oh, yes.

Holler if you want some...
Hey, okay, hey.

...challah!
Aah, no, baby.

No, I ate it.

You got another name? 'Cause
I'm not calling you "Stunts."

My government name
is Susan.

Hate to admit it.
You look more like a Stunts.

I'm gonna go guard
my belongings.

For no reason at all.

So Mason just couldn't stop
bragging about wearing boxers.

And then his doctor said that...
-Okay. Okay.

-...he had to wear the boxers.
-Okay. Okay.

That guy.
[ Chuckling ] Okay.
Oh, that guy, yeah. Okay.

Anybody else want to tell us
about their day?

-Mm.
-Anybody?

-Anybody?
-Kyra?

Nah, I'm good.
Dre: Come on, Kyra.
You know, say something.

This is how we catch up
with our kids.

Oh, tell them about when
the math teacher clowned you.

[ Scoffs ]
For what?

Mr. Fisher's stupid.

I got a question wrong,
so he said I'm lucky I'm pretty.

Oh, my.
Oh.

It's not a big deal.

Well, yeah, it is.
I mean, he can't do that.

Yeah, that's not
a compliment.

Look, every urban
success story needs

a white authority figure
who, you know,

just doesn't
see their greatness.

Mr. Fisher's black.

Oh, then I got nothing.

Did you ever?

I was cooking with a little
something at the beginning.

♪♪

Thank y'all for dinner.

Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.

And you know what?
You are welcome here anytime.

[ Clears throat ]

Anytime. Mm-hmm.

Oh, and, Kyra, you no longer
have to worry about Mr. Fisher.

Did he die?
What?

He was really old.
Maybe we'll get the day off.

No. No, no, no.

Um, we e-mailed the school.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Because it's not okay for him
to talk to you that way.

You really
didn't have to do that.

It's okay. One of my favorite
things to do as an adult

is scream
at public employees.

Mm-hmm.
He's very good at it.

Okay. I'm gonna walk Stunts
to the bus.

Okay.
Baby, baby!

Bye, guys!
Mm-hmm.

Walk safe.
[ Laughs ]

We did so good.
Are you kidding me?

She blended
right into our family.

[ Door closes ]
Arguably better than Junior.

Now, I'm gonna put
Raisinets in our popcorn

this evening
because we deserve it.

Yes, we have.
Yes, my bearded lover.

Okay. All right.

-Mm!
-Oh, mine's good.
-Uh, what are we waiting for?

Mmm. Kyra.

She'll be back
in 20 minutes.

[ Groans ]

Um...
[ Sighs ]

Do you think she's lost?

I mean, you know,
all these houses

look the same in the dark.

Takes time to see
which one of these houses

has an ADT sign out front,
Rainbow.

Pops, please.

I-I'm a little
worried, Dre.

Well, she's with Stunts.

I mean, how much trouble
can they actually get into?

You're better than this,
Rainbow.

All right, look.
I -- I -- I checked the bus stop

and drove around
the block and nothing.

You know, I'm gonna
call June Bug.

Yeah, and it keeps
going to voice mail.

[ Beep ]

Hey, June Bug!
Kyra's missing, man!

Oh, right.

Yeah, I forgot to tell you,
man, she's a runner.

Oh, my God.

You okay, cuz?

Look like you living
that stressed-out life.

You need to be living
that Herba--
[ Beeping ]

I can't believe
she ran away.

It really seems like
something

June Bug should
have warned us about.

I mean,
she could be anywhere.

Don't worry, guys.
We can track her on Instagram.

She went private,

thanks to
"This is Jack Johnson."

Okay, we don't know
that she knew it was me.

I was hoping it wouldn't
come to this.

What are you
talking about?

She's probably gone back
to the bullet-riddled,

gang-infested streets
of her youth,

trying to decide between
the life she's always known

and the life that she doesn't
quite yet understand.

I'm gonna go down there
and get her.

And you can't stop me!

Even if you try!
I won't.

Oh, my God.

Guys, I said
"bullet-riddled."

Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God.

Do you see how much red
I'm wearing?

Mom?

I --
[ Sighs ]

Fine. I guess you're ready
to lose two kids tonight.

Junior, don't you even think
about leaving this house.

Oh. Oh, God bless you, Pops.
Thank you so much.

Look, guys.
It's late.

We're not gonna
have movie night,

so why don't everybody
just go get ready for bed?

Go.

I'm a grown-ass man.
You can't tell me to go to bed.

But I'm tired, so...
I'm going to bed.

Good night, Pops.

Good night.
Night, Pops.

♪♪

Bow, a girl that young does not
need to be out this late.

I know. I mean,
we were gonna watch a movie.

Everything was fine,
and look what happened.

You know, she's -- she's
bounced from house to house,

and we're expecting her
to fold right in,

and -- and have everything go
smoothly in two days.

I guess we just pushed her
too hard again.

Maybe we did.
I don't know.

I mean, what were
we supposed to do?

[ Groans ]

This is so much harder
than I thought it was gonna be.

[ Sighs ]

Maybe we don't know
what we're doing, Dre.

I mean, we have five kids,
but we've never done this.

So what do we do?

Okay.

Let's sit her down.
Mm-hmm?

And have...a calm conversation
about what our expectations are.

[ Door opens ]

Oh, my God!

Hey, Where the hell were you?
Dre.

What he means is,
"Where the hell were you?"
I needed some air.

Everything you guys were doing
was stressing me out.

W--
Okay, okay, okay, okay.

We get it, all right?

But, Kyra,
we were worried about you.

Yeah, what you did
won't work here.

We need to know
where you are.

I'm sorry, but you guys
were just being so extra.

Uh, okay. Look.
Even though we did too much,

we're gonna do whatever we need
to do to look out for you.

And, Kyra,
we have rules.

Sometimes, we're gonna
call your teachers.

And if you slam
your bedroom door,

I remove your bedroom door.
Uh, it's -- Okay.

Well, I'll -- I'll stop him
from doing that.

But she can't stop me.
I'll take the hammer.

Take the hammer.
I got a screwdriver.

Well, I'll take that, too.
Okay, well, then,

I'll pull it off
with my bare hands.

I don't think
he's strong enough.
Okay.

I know this is a lot,
but if you give us some time,

we'll figure it out.

I know we're not
your parents,

but we really care
what happens to you.

I get it.

And that's really
sweet and really nice.

You know,
if you want to drive me

on your home-Compton-hospital
route, I wouldn't say no.

It's my favorite route.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Slow clapping ]

What are you doing?

So you're having
the heart to heart without me.

I do all the work.

You swoop in at the end
to take all the credit.

I -- [ Sighs ]
Hmm.

You know who's not
the man now?

Mnh-mnh.
[ As Sean Connery ]
You, dawgs.

I am usually on your side,
Junior.

Oh, my God. I can't --
[ Thud ]

Oh.

Yeah. Careful.

♪♪

Parenting.

Some people think
you've got to read books

or go to lectures
to be good at it.

Turns out, we probably should

have done both of those things.

After 19 years of parenting...
[ Cellphone vibrating ]

...Bow and I are still learning

that it's constantly

a work in progress.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

But the one thing we know
for sure is,

you never let anything
interrupt your family dinner.

♪♪