All language subtitles for Perfect Strangers s02e13 Bby.eng

Can you say, "Good morning"?

No.

Someone's in the office.

Right.

It's Mr. Twinkacetti.

Why did you do that?

We thought you
were a prowler.

Nice outfit, Mr. Twinkacetti.
I have pajamas that look like that.

These are my pajamas.
I spent the night here.

My wife threw me out just because
I forgot our wedding anniversary.

Well, you should be ashamed.

You should be neutered.

She threw you out?

That's pretty severe for
missing one wedding anniversary.

Well, actually, we've been married 16 years
and I've forgotten 16 of them.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Edwina, my love.
- Drop dead, Donald.

Hello, boys. LARRY &
BALKl: Hi, Mrs. Twinkacetti.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you, Balki.
You're one up on him.

I thought you'd be needing a few things.
- Oh, that's very thoughtful of you, dear.

Can't we let bygones be bygones?
- Not this time, Donald.

You have taken me for
granted once too often.

It's over. I want a divorce.

Divorce?

Just for forgetting
one wedding anniversary...

...sixteen times?

It's not the anniversaries.

And it's not the gambling,
or the wild nights out with the boys.

Actually, it is that.

But it's more
than that too.

The romance is gone.

The magic is gone. You're gone.

Goodbye, Donald. Oh.

By the way, I'm
keeping the luggage.

Divorce. I can't believe it.

We've had our little spats before,
but she never used the D word.

Come on, Balki, let's
give the man some privacy.

You must be in such pain.
- I'm too numb to feel any pain.

I've lost my wife,
the only woman I ever loved.

Excuse me. I'll be in my office
looking for a reason to live.

No, Mr. Twinkacetti,
you shouldn't be alone.

Cousin, he needs
to be with friends.

Yeah, good idea.
Go see some friends.

I can't do that. All my friends know me.
- We know you and we're still your friends.

We are? BALKl: And
you can stay with us.

He can?
- You guys would let my stay with you?

I don't know what to say.
- Well, don't say anything just yet.

Why don't... Why don't you wait here?
Balki, could I have a word with you?

Are you crazy?
- Cousin, Mr. Twinkacetti is in pain.

Well, how is making my life a
living hell going to change that?

Somebody has to let him know
he's not alone...

...and he's not a
worthless human being.

You mean, somebody's gotta lie to him.

Balki, I feel as bad
about this as you do...

...but I draw the line at
having the man sleep under my roof.

Well, then you
tell him he can't stay.

All right, I will.

Mr. Twinkacetti?

Yes?

Uh, about that invitation...
- Oh, say no more.

I know you don't want me
to stay with you.

I don't blame
you. I'm dirt.

All right, you can
stay with us until...

Oh, you guys are the greatest.

Having Twinkacetti
as a houseguest...

...is like Tokio
inviting Godzilla for dinner.

Well, how are we going
to get poor Mr. Twinkacetti...

...and poor Mrs.
Twinkacetti back together?

We are not.

Balki, rule of
thumb. Never butt in.

It's not up to us to save
their marriage. Just stay out of it.

Yeah.

I see a marriage in trouble
and I have to do something to help.

Well, just leave me out of it.

Hi, boys. How's it going?

I brought the beer.

Come on in.

You look like you found a reason to live.
- Oh, yeah, I thought about it.

Women. Who needs them?

Especially since I've
got great guy pals like you.

How about a brewski?

Well, no, thank
you. I've got a Pepski.

You see, he's fine.

Just leave them alone,
and they'll work things out.

Cousin, no. He's hiding his
true feelings deep down inside.

The man is shallow.
There is no deep down inside.

Cousin, no.

He's got something inside him...

...and it's going to fester and swell
and burst like a tick on a sheep dog.

Well, then, get
him off our couch.

Mr. Twinkacetti.

I know that this is a
difficult time in your life.

Would you like to share the pain
that is going on deep down inside?

No.

What do you say we zip around
the old cable dial until we hit some nudity?

Deep. Deep.

Now, you know
what I think?

I think that deep down inside...

...you know that if you don't have
Mrs. Twinkacetti, you... You got nothing.

Oh, sure, you'll make
a life for yourself...

...but in the end, you'd be a
wretched, filthy little man...

...wandering the streets,
with newspapers under your shirt...

...and plastic bags on your feet,
wishing in your heart...

...that you... You had not
lost your true love forever.

Forever?

Well, she said the D word.

The D word.

Cousin, this man is deep.

We've got to help his marriage.

There, there,
Mr. Twinkacetti.

We're there for you.

You mean it?
- Is the king cross-eyed?

Blow.

Guys, I wanna thank you
for taking me in like this.

I have to get Edwina back.

And even though it may
take months, I can wait.

Months?

With your help, I
can get through it.

I'm gonna go to bed now
and cry myself to sleep.

Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti.

Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti, that's my room.

Mr. Twinkacetti?

There's tissues by the bed.

Balki, we have to
save this marriage.

Well, of course we do.
Don't be ridiculous.

Mrs. Twinkacetti,
he's not the same man.

Well, yes, he's still short.

Tell her he's changing.
- I can't tell her that. That would be lying.

No, it's not. He's
in the bedroom changing.

Mrs. Twinkacetti, believe me
when I tell you, he's changing.

You will? Yes,
I'll tell him.

Yeah. Bye.

Balki, she's agreed to talk to him.
- Oh, that's wonderful.

There's one catch. She'll
only give him five minutes.

I think she'll be
out of there in three.

Not if he can prove to her
that he's trying to change.

Balki, take a
reality pill.

Mr. Twinkacetti is
not going to change.

The best we can hope for is that
he can romance her for five minutes.

That way, he'll get a foot in
the door and out of our apartment.

Appleton, I read your diary.

You're a sick man.

Mr. Twinkacetti,
that was personal.

Hey, we're roomies.
We have no secrets.

You never let me
read your diary.

Why don't you tell Mr.
Twinkacetti the good news?

Mr. Twinkacetti, your wife has agreed
to talk to you for five minutes.

Five minutes? What
can I do in five minutes?

Well, I guess flying
her to Paris is out. Ha-ha.

You've got to prove to her
that you're going to change.

Forget that. You've gotta
crawl before you can walk.

And you can start
by being romantic.

Now, we've got to
find the right spot.

Well, we used to go to this
restaurant. Oh, Tony's Mambo Room.

Tony's Mambo Room?

"Our ribs stick to your ribs."
That Tony's Mambo Room?

I don't think that's going to work.
- What are you talking about?

Tony's is a romantic place.
You eat with your fingers.

No. No, no, that's not romantic.

That's disgusting.

That's cruel, Appleton.
BALKl: Okay.

Cousin Larry's right. We've
seen you with Mrs. Twinkacetti.

It's not pretty.

I don't have a
romantic bone in my body.

Oh, you must have had once.
She fell in love with you.

Sure, that was 13 years ago.

Sixteen.
- Sixteen.

See, I'm hopeless.
- No, no, no.

No, you're not.
All right, look, look.

Let's make believe that
this is Tony's Mambo Room.

Balki, you're seeing me for the
first time since I kicked you out.

This is how you have to act
if you want to get your wife back.

Edwina, you look
lovely this evening.

That dress brings out your eyes.

I'm gonna throw up.

Sit down, turnip.

Donald, the Mambo Room.

How sweet of you to remember.

How could I forget, my pet?

It seems like only yesterday.
You're as beautiful as you were then.

No, I'm wrong.

You're even more beautiful.

I am?
- You are.

I am?
- Of course you are. Don't be ridiculous.

Donald, I forgot
how romantic you could be.

How could I ever
have kicked you out?

Take me.

I don't think so.

No. I'm just showing him...

No, I know. I know...
- I'm trying to get him...

Do you get the general idea?

I can't do this. Let's face
it, we'll be roomies for life.

All right, all
right, let's not panic.

Look, we can do this.

We put a man on the moon.

We will go to the restaurant
and get you through this thing.

Oh, you guys are the greatest.

Well, we just wanna see you
and Mrs. Twinkacetti back together again...

...in your own home.

Did we really put
a man on the moon?

Yes, we did. And
get off my dress.

Now, remember, compliment
her clothes, talk about her hair.

Make her think she's the
most beautiful woman in the worid.

No. Mr. Twinkacetti, you've got to tell her
the ways you are going to change.

Like what?

Like you're going to try harder
to remember your anniversary.

You don't have to go
out so much with the boys.

Look, you'll have years to change.
Right now you've only got five minutes.

Talk about her eyes.

No, you've got to stop
thinking about yourself...

...and start thinking
about Mrs. Twinkacetti.

You should beg
her forgiveness.

You should throw
yourself down at her feet.

You should press your face up
against her arches.

Tell her she can
step on your neck...

...because you have not been
the man you should have been.

What about her eyes?

Tell her that her eyes remind you
of moonlit pools on a summer night.

She'll melt like butter.

All right, moonlit
pools on a warm summer night.

Here she is.
TWINKACETTl: All right.

Good evening, Donald.

Hello, sugarplum,
won't you have a seat?

You know, sweetheart...
- You've got five minutes. Go.

My, don't you look
lovely this evening.

You know, your eyes...
- Hold the bull, Donald.

Give me one good reason
why I should take you back.

You want a reason?

Don't you wanna hear about your eyes?
- No.

How am I doing on the time?
- I knew this wouldn't work.

I'm trying to
change. Really, I am.

Uh, why do you think
I chose this restaurant?

I don't know. Why did
you choose this restaurant?

Because I consider
the Mambo Room our place.

But why? We've
never been here before.

Oh, sure we have, sweetness. Years ago.
You don't remember, do you?

I may not remember wedding anniversaries
but I do remember the romantic stuff.

We sat right in that booth
over there and we necked all night.

I even slipped the
accordion player 50 cents...

...to play "That's
Why the Lady's a Tramp."

Maybe that's because the lady was a tramp.
I've never been in this restaurant in my life.

You know, come to think of it,
uh, neither have I.

Excuse me. Nature calls.

It's over.
- That was quick.

I got the right restaurant,
but the wrong woman.

I used to bring dates here
before we here married.

Hello, Mrs. Twinkacetti,
what brings you to Tony's?

Not the ribs.

You know, darling,
just now in the john...

...I was thinking about how your eyes
remind me of moonlit pools...

...on a warm summer night.

Stuff it, Donald.

How could you bring me to a place
where you cheated on me?

I never cheated on you
while we were married.

I cheated on you
while we were engaged.

Can't we talk?

You talk. To my lawyer.

I still have two minutes.

That's it. I guess that's it.

Well, we're sorry
it didn't work out.

Thanks a lot,
guys. You did your best.

And I want you to know
I really appreciate it.

I'm going for a walk.

You don't have to wait
up for me. I made a key.

I'm worried about Mr. Twinkacetti.

He don't come
home last night.

He could be wandering the streets,
a broken, Ionely little man.

Well, at least I got
to sleep in my own bed.

Oh, cousin, he's our friend.

Our friend?

Balki, the man tried to
have you deported...

...for giving the
correct change to a blind man.

Well, I never
said he was a saint.

Balki, you are the
nicest person I ever met.

And I hope I never
get to be like you.

Cousin, don't
worry. You won't.

Mr. Twinkacetti?

What are you bozos
doing here so early?

Mr. Twinkacetti,
you're all right.

Mrs. Twinkacetti.
- Hi, boys.

Are you naked
under that coat?

You're together?

Yeah. After I left the restaurant,
I got to thinking about what you said...

...about, you know,
being romantic and all...

...and then I
remembered what I did...

...when I was trying to get
Edwina to fall in love with me.

This crazy guy showed up
under my window...

...with a big bag of egg rolls
and his saxophone.

Egg rolls and saxophone.
Why didn't we think of that?

Then we came back here.

You see, when we were teenagers
we used to steal precious moments...

...in the back of
my father's store...

...so Donald thought this would be
a perfect place to settle our differences.

You big bag of romance.

Why don't you
boys take the day off?

Are you kidding?
Who'd run the store?

Well, maybe today the
store doesn't have to open.

Woof!

Edwina.

Oh, thank you
for all you did.

I know there's a side
of Donald you never see...

...and I hadn't seen it
in a long time either...

...but last night made me realize
the Donald I fell in love with is still there.

After 16 years of marriage,
I'm not gonna give up on him.

Well, you said it don't help
when you butt in.

Okay. I was wrong, you were right.

I guess sometimes the only
way to help out is to butt in.

You hear that?

That's the sound of love.

Imagine what hate sounds like.

Well, you know
what they say.

Even bad sax is
better than no sax at all.

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