All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s07e08 Washington.eng

Okay, the central question that the senators
are gonna be asking is,

"Why should we invest in
the National Parks Service?"

- April...
- Well, it is simple, Leslie.

In today's fast-paced society,

national parks are still
the best place

for full moon
werewolf transformations.

I know you're kidding.

But I also know that
you're prepared

and we are going to do great.

How psyched are you
about this trip?

April, are you super psyched?

Yeah. Also you have
lipstick on your teeth.

I do? Mm, okay.
Good looking out.

We're a great team.

Well, I never thought
I'd say this,

but I think I know
what's going on in your head.

Oh, well then,
welcome to the terror dome.

Okay, you need to tell Leslie
that you want to leave your job.

No. She freaks out
when anything changes.

One time Andy told her that
I was getting rid of my bangs

and she called 9-1-1.

Okay, well, I can't
keep your secret much longer.

Anytime your name comes up,
I panic

and change the subject to
the Twin Peaks reboot

'til she gets bored.

So you talk for one second?

You're gonna spend
the next couple days with her.

If you talk to her
directly and honestly,

she can be
surprisingly open-minded.

Oh, really? Oh, okay.

Hey, Leslie, um, I was
thinking about changing

the font on the itineraries.

What do you think?

What? Why?

On what grounds?
Those--those fonts are perfect.

It's readable and compact,
it's all on one page.

That's insane.
[laughs] Don't mess with that.

I mean, I appreciate
your initiative,

but itineraries are not
the right place to mess around.

Yeah. April, I told you,
that was an absurd idea.

[triumphant music]

I don't care what Ben says.

I'm not going to tell Leslie
I'm leaving my job

on this trip. She'll drown me
in the Potomac...

while she recites facts
about the Potomac.

Well don't fret, cookie.
We've made progress, haven't we?

We got a whole list of all
the things you need

out of a new job.

Apple juice, barbeque sauce,

Count Chocula--
wait.

Oh, sorry, that's the list
of cool new nicknames

I want people to call me.

- Here's your list.
- [groans]

How can I tell her I'm leaving

when I don't even know
what job I want?

Babe, I wish you
were coming with me.

I just decided what
I am going to do

while April is out of town.

I'm going to round up the team
and find her a new job.

Yeah, Ben Wyatt please?

Tell him it's Count Chocula.

Uh, no it's Andrew Dwyer.
I'm sorry.

So April wants to leave?

[laughs] I always knew she
would tire of government.

Took long enough.

Well, both me and Ben

are trying to help April
find a new job,

and we thought maybe
she could work for you.

I feel like it would be
a perfect fit.

Although, I don't know exactly
what you guys do here.

I'm guessing...

it's a business?

Assassins? Hit men?

Doctors. You guys
are doctors.

We build things.

Come on, let me show you around.

This is a door.
These, of course, are walls.

What else?
What else? Ah!

Meet our Vice President,
Don Swanson.

Don, this is Andrew
and Benjamin.

Pleasure to meet you.

Is this your brother?

You have a brother.

No.

Fine. Yes. I suppose
the cat's out of the bag.

I have a brother.
One brother.

All those years together
at the Parks department

and you never told us
you had a brother.

You worked at
the Parks department?

Tour's over!

Okay. Carry-on bag's packed.
Trashy magazines purchased.

Boarding passes in hand,
and we have 26 minutes

for unstructured chat time.

What do you want to talk about?

I don't know.
Nothing.

I thought maybe we could
talk about your future.

Wanna talk about your future?

Yeah. I've actually been
thinking about that

- a lot lately.
- Yeah, I figured.

It's hard, at your age,
to figure out your path.

- I know.
- Yeah.

I was gonna surprise you
with this in Washington,

but, you know, what the heck?

It's unstructured chat time.

So...
ta-da!

This is your clear,
definitive path

through the federal government.

It starts here today
with this flight

and it goes all the way to 2022.

Cool, right?

Wow. This is intense.

I had to make some guesses about

your ultimate government
objectives

and your fashion choices,
etcetera,

but the point is with this

you don't have to worry.

I know!
I feel so relaxed.

Yeah! I know!

What's up with these shirts?

Gov Buds for Life?

Just a little fun I was having,
you know?

I didn't really make the shirts.

But did you though?

Yes, I did!

Ha-ha! Ta-da!

Oh, and also,
I have a middle seat.

April!
Group one is boarding!

Break it down. What will she be
doing at this job?

Well, she'd have about six
people reporting to her.

And if she started soon,
she could project manage

our new warehouse in Snerling.

Get to be my own boss.
So far, so good.

She also wants passionate
interest in subject matter.

So, what kind of building is it?

It's a large scale storage unit

for surplus vinyl sheeting.

Okay. So that's, uh,
boring.

Would she have
an opportunity to practice

any creative problem solving?

Creativity is for people
with glasses who like to lie.

Although, I suppose she could
use creative ways

to organize and stack
the vinyl sheeting.

No, that's insane.

We use the Towsend method.
It's tried and true.

I think this might
be a dead end.

I think you might be right.

But getting a good person
out of government

is a worthwhile endeavor.

I will help, but first
I'm gonna need some grub.

Ooh, yeah! Let's grab some
lunch and some ice cream!

Then maybe some
after ice cream tacos?

We'll just brainstorm and
maybe grab some snacks.

Vaughn, Lon.

Both: Ron.

Okay, I think we're all set.

Even though I'm taking the lead
on these meetings,

- don't be afraid to jump in.
- Copy that.

April, when Randy brings up
the river project,

- that is your cue to--
- Distract the guards

so the Hamburglar can
make his escape.

We're meeting with
a lot of senators today.

- Is she going to be okay?
- Yeah.

It's just April.
Trust me.

And we hope you agree that
this is the best plan

to preserve
national parks' funding

into the next decade.

Well, so Leslie,
what do you think?

Is--is this the right move?

Well, I think it's the only
move, Senator Boxer.

I don't think this chance
is gonna come around again.

Well, you know,
if it's good with Leslie,

it's good with me.

Well, I have another great idea.

How about you and me,
April, Randy,

historical lamp posts of D.C.?

Walking tour
starts in 15 minutes.

Sounds great, but, uh,

I do have an appointment
with the President.

Can we come?

What kind of a business is this?

Is it like hit men
or astronauts?

It's an accounting firm.

But they recently opened up
a consulting wing.

And consulting is perfect
for April.

You think this Barney fellow
will listen

to what we have to say?

Ben! Ben is here!

Hi, Ben!

Ted! Ben is here!

Hey, it is actuarially very good
to see you guys.

Aah! Ha ha!

Ben!

- They like me here.
- You gotta hear this!

So we think we can
keep costs down

and still meet deadlines.

You know, I have to say
I'm really impressed

with what you guys are doing
over at Interior.

Thank you, Senator Gillibrand,

we really appreciate
your support.

Would you mind signing
a copy of your book?

Oh, of course, of course.

I took the liberty of
writing the inscription.

All you have to do is sign.

"To Leslie, my inspiration,
my muse,

my partner in crime.
I owe it all to you."

And there's room for a P.S.
if you feel

there's more you left out.

Well, I think I've said all
I wanna say right here.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Yeah, well, I can't do
that right now.

Oh, boy.
I'll call you back.

Hello, Senator.
Do you have a minute to chat?

Oh, I can't right now.
I've got a meeting.

Well, actually, I checked
with your staff

and they said that
you have a free half hour.

Did anyone ever tell you

that your tenacity
can be intimidating?

Yes. Every month of my life
since fourth grade.

Now, let's talk about
national parks.

Well, I just have to say
I'm very surprised

that the two of you are
seeing eye to eye on this one.

Well, Senator Buckner and I are
both concerned

about our nation's resources.

And that absolutely includes
our national parks.

But that's not all we
have in common.

In fact, our real passion is...

Both: Polynesian folk music.

W--what?

Polynesian folk music.

Our band is playing in
Georgetown tonight

if you'd like to come.

We're called
"Across the Isle."

Did you get that?
Aisle? Isle?

Like an island and then
across the aisle,

the political aisle.

It's like a pun.
It's a play on words.

- I do get it.
- Are you sure?

We are definitely
coming to this.

It's $8.00
if you buy your tickets now.

It's $10.00 at the door.

Fiscal conservative.
Love this guy.

- Love this guy.
- Yeah.

April Ludgate Dwyer.

She worked on the Gryzzl deal

that you guys did
the finances for.

Now, I know that you're
opening up a consulting wing,

and we just think that April
would be a great hire.

Yeah, and here's the thing,
Barney.

We're obviously very familiar
with what consulting is

but why don't you go ahead
and tell my friends here,

because I don't think
that they know.

Well, it's really about finding
creative solutions

to difficult problems.

Now, a lot of times
there's firings, so...

consultants aren't
exactly well liked.

Holy crap. This is the job
for her, I can feel it.

She'll take it!
Now let's talk perks.

Does she get the summers off?
Is it like school?

- Son, easy.
- Well,

what did she major in?

Economics? Accounting?

She designed her own major.

- "Halloween Studies."
- Trust me, Barney.

She's brilliant and
a very fast learner.

Does that, uh,
compound your interests?

- [laughs]
- Huh?

Ha ha!

So what do you say?
Huh, Barney?

- Oh, Ben, that was amazing.
- Thank you.

But it's too late
for her to apply.

I'm sorry but we're not really
taking any more applicants.

Though I could make an exception
for someone else.

Not interested.

(Leslie) Okay, so five
yeses and four nos.

Not a bad start.

So, Leslie, I was going to talk
to you about this

in a few weeks,
but Mike Norbert is retiring.

Oh, really?
'Ol Norbs is stepping down.

Couldn't handle the pressure,
huh? What a wuss.

His marriage is falling apart.

Oh--oh, okay.

She had an affair
with his best friend.

Ooh, okay, I feel bad about
what I said before.

Yeah, I get it, I get it.

So, anyway,
the good news for you is

we'd like to promote you
to Deputy Director

of Operations and Interior.

Wow.

You'd have to move to D.C.
and you have to complete

the Senior Executive Service
Candidate Development program.

I have to enroll
in S.E.S.C.D.P.?

44 weeks of intensive courses
and note taking?

Um, it's a dream come true.

And I have to warn you, there'll
be a confirmation hearing.

A confirmation hearing?
A freaking confirmation hearing?

Excuse me a second.

What's that?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Um, to the best of my
recollection,

yes, I accept the job.

Oh, excuse me, ma'am?

Do you mind if
I borrow your hat?

I just want to throw it up in
the air victoriously.

- No.
- Ma'am!

I think that job's
perfect for April.

We just have to convince Barney
to give her a shot.

I mean, first problem,
she's not as qualified

as the other applicants.

Simple solution.
I break into her college

and I change her degree
to accounting. Easy.

On my way out, look up at
the blackboard, what is that?

Impossible math equation?

I solve it.

X equals Y, obviously.

Professor comes up to me
and says,

"I've been working on that
for 50 years.

Why don't you accept
this math trophy?"

By the time he turns around,
I'm gone.

We need to highlight
April's strengths.

I thought we could update
her resume.

This is the one
she applied to Parks with.

It's just a signed photograph
of a puppet named Alf.

Okay, so, we make
her an actual resume

then put on a big presentation.

Show Barney that
she's more than qualified.

Gonna need all hands on deck.

That's Craig, Donna,
and most importantly--

- Please no.
- Come on, don't do it.

Oh, you wanna photocopy?

You guys want to do
all the mindless work?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

[beep]

Get me Garry Gergich.

[sighs] Look around, April.

What do you see?

Fountains.

Water.

Sky.

You...looking at me
like a crazy person.

I see a new home.
I am gonna take that job.

Ben's gonna run for Congress,
he will win eventually,

and then we're gonna
split our time

between Washington and Pawnee.

That's great. It looks like
everything is

falling into place for you.

For us, April!

- For us!
- Oh, God.

Whoa! What is that?

Over there, a lamp post?

Is that historic, do you think?

No. They put that in
in the 70s.

Look, I am so ahead
of my five-year plan.

Which means that you're gonna
need a new five-year plan,

And here it is.

Ow, it's hot! How did you
make this so fast?

I keep a local binder maker
on retainer in D.C.

We are about to embark on
such an amazing journey.

This is gonna be our city.
And this is gonna be our bench.

April, we have a bench
in D.C.!

I'm sorry, Leslie,
I can't do this anymore.

I don't want to work
in government.

I quit.

What are you talking about?

You quit? Why?

Because, honestly,
I don't even know if I like

working in national parks.

Or government.

I just fell backwards
into your world

and years have gone by,
and now I'm here

and--Andy and Ben have been
helping me

look into different jobs
to figure out

what I really want to do.

Ben who? Ben Wyatt?

He's been helping you
behind my back?

Wow, okay, you know what,
we had a good run,

- but he's dead to me now.
- It's just--

I've been on this weird path
my entire adult life,

and I need to figure out
what I really want.

I cannot believe
you're quitting.

And I cannot believe this is the
first time I'm hearing it.

And on our bench...

of all places.

You know, it's just
so frustrating.

I mean, I love her, but,
you know,

you spend so much time and
effort on someone's life

and she's just gonna quit on me?

It's like, what's the point,
you know?

Wow, Leslie. I haven't
seen you this upset

since you almost forgot
Ann's half-birthday.

- Yeah.
- Tell me.

How many times have
we had lunch?

Five.
Well, eight, if you count

all those times I showed up
unannounced at your office

with mini-muffins.

And why have we had lunch
so many times?

Well, because, when I knew I
would be coming to Washington

to work, I wore you down until
you agreed to become my friend.

I'm so glad that you did.

And you are wonderful friend,
but, sometimes

you're so focused and driven

that you forget about
people's feelings.

Ah, pfft! Name one time
I've done that.

Well, you were so wrapped up
in your story

that you actually ate my waffle.

Sometimes, all you can do

is give people
a little bit of advice

and a push,
but you have to realize

April has to be able to
make up her own mind.

Ah, you're right...

once again, Madeleine Albright.

Can I have my pin back now?

Oh! Oh, yeah, sorry.

Thank you for letting
me wear it.

Just makes me feel
very powerful.

Me too.

[both laughing]

Resume's done. I used bullet
points instead of numbers

because I find it conveys
strength and confidence.

A binder of her accomplishments.

Photos of her
getting the job done.

And $500 cash,
in case you want to go

the straight-up bribe route.

Donna...

You put me on the team,
I find a way to win.

Okay, copies are made.

Um, everything has been
collated and stapled.

And all the research
has been double-checked.

[laughs] I went through
quite a few staples.

I added a personal testimony
vouching for April's brilliance.

And this guy better
appreciate it because

I do not compare people to
Mary J. Blige lightly.

Uh, no one should.

Do you want to go
to dinner tonight?

- I do not.
- Respect.

- I'm free.
- I have plans.

Well, great job, guys.

With all this, Barney will at
least have to give her a shot.

Sure, they did a good job,
but this isn't enough.

And I've been thinking
about it all day

and I have a plan

to go the extra mile

and make April seem like
the ideal candidate.

[car lock beep]

- Give me the job!
- [screams]

My name's April Ludgate and my
talent is explosive!

[fireworks going off] [screams]

Go U-S-A!
U-S-A!

U-S-A!
U-S-A!

U-S-A! When should I tell April
to show up?

My car...

[fireworks still going off]

Hey.

Thank you for coming.

Yeah, well, I had to miss

the memorable rain gutters of
Washington walking tour,

so, this better be good.

I'm sorry I blew up
at you yesterday.

I really want all of my friends
to be happy together,

but, more importantly,
I just want them to be happy.

If you feel like you need to
move on, I totally get it.

[long exhale] Okay.

- Turn around.
- What? Why?

Because I'm about to say
something serious

and I can't do it if I have to
look you in the eye.

- Please.
- Okay.

Now take your shoes off
and wear them like mittens.

- April...
- Okay, sorry.

When I started working for you,
I was aimless

and just thought everything
was stupid and lame,

and you turned me into someone

with goals and ambition,

which is really the only reason
why I'm even thinking about

what I really want.

I just...
wanna say thank you.

And I love you very much.

Which is why I have decided not
to turn you into a sea urchin,

which I could do,
because I am an actual witch

- with powers and I'm evil
- I know.

- and I hate everything.
- I know you do.

I know.
Thank you, April.

So you don't have any idea
what you want to do?

Well, here's the good news:
I am on the case.

I know some people who might be
able to help us. Come on.

April, this is Alyssa from the
American Service Foundation.

They take young people like you

who are trying to
explore a new path

and match them with one of
the thousands of jobs

across America
that help communities.

Alyssa, this is April Ludgate,

the single greatest
human being ever,

and you need to find her a job
that she will love and cherish

and make her life feel complete.

Okay. I'm sorry.

I found this crazy woman
on the street

and she won't leave me alone.

Oh, I'm very familiar
with Leslie's...enthusiasm.

They contacted us
last year because

they wanted to place some people
in national parks.

Two days later, we had
set up the entire program,

and she sent me a throw pillow
with my face stitched onto it.

Not my best work.
Plus, you changed your hair.

I'm gonna send you another one.

Okay, go solve all of
your career problems.

I'll wait right here.

Sorry.

- That-a girl!
- Ugh, Mom!

I don't know, Madeleine.

They're taking forever and
I'm starting to lose it.

Talk to me, okay?

Your voice makes me calm.

Tell me another Yeltsin story.

Okay, she's here.
I have to go. Bye.

Say hi to your daughters.
Hey. Hi.

How did it go?

I'm great. I know exactly
what I want to do.

Yes!
Is it Teach for America?

No! Habitat for Humanity?

No! It's working
with animals.

No. I want to work here.
At the foundation.

I want to be like Alyssa.

I wanna tell people what to do

and then send them
far away from me.

It's perfect.

And it hits everything
on my list.

Creative problem solving,
working one-on-one--

I am 100,000%
in support of this idea.

This is an amazing idea.
I love this idea!

And I love you!

So are they hiring?

What did Alyssa say
when you told her?

Um, nothing.
I didn't tell her yet.

I wanted to see if you thought
it was a good idea first.

What?

Bad idea?

You wanted to run
something by me?

Oh, my God.

Yes. So, will you help me?

April, you don't need me.

You can get any job you want.

All by yourself.

Well, obviously I'm going to
vet your resume

and we'll hold
some mock interviews

and I'll choose your outfit
and everything but--

you can get this sucker
on your own.

So, long story short, we might
have found you the perfect job

but also I might have blown it.

Ben and Ron are there now
to try to fix it.

And if they don't, I feel like
it's kind of on them.

Everyone is being
so nice to me lately.

It's weird. I feel like I need
to take a shower in pig's blood

to wash all the niceness off me.

It's because we love you.

We want you to be happy.

This consulting job could be
the answer.

Yeah, so about that...

Please don't hold anything Andy
did against April.

She is an exceptional human being,

who married a well meaning goof.

And I think that presentation
we put together says it all.

All we're asking is thatyou meet with her

and seriously consider her
for the job.

And if she disappoints you,
you can hold me...

- accountable.
- [laughs]

- Right?
- You know what?

If her friends are trying
this hard,

there must be something
amazing about her.

Tell her I'll meet with her tomorrow--

Uh, hold on. April?

Hey, we were just talking about you.

We got some good news.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

She doesn't want the job.

I see.

Well, this is uncomfortable.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0