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1
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,904
_Hey, guys.
_Hey, Harry.
2
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:08,842
-What are you reading there?
-Bartlett's Book of Quotations.
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,809
This is great stuff.
There is a quote for every occasion.
4
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:13,665
-May I. sir?
HARRY: Sure.
5
00:00:13,846 --> 00:00:15,176
[CLEARS THROAT]
6
00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:19,845
He crams with cans of poisoned meat
The subject of the king
7
00:00:20,018 --> 00:00:24,578
And when they die by thousands
Why, he laughs like anything
8
00:00:25,457 --> 00:00:26,577
[SCOFFS]
9
00:00:27,158 --> 00:00:28,318
Silver anniversary?
10
00:00:28,492 --> 00:00:29,622
[LAUGHS]
11
00:00:29,793 --> 00:00:31,893
DAN:
Ha. ha. Oh. yeah.
12
00:00:32,062 --> 00:00:33,762
[DAN LAUGHS]
13
00:00:35,532 --> 00:00:36,902
Whoa.
14
00:00:37,633 --> 00:00:41,093
-Guess who is coming here tonight.
-Oh. give us a hint.
15
00:00:41,270 --> 00:00:45,040
-Somebody I mentioned a thousand times.
-Fatty Arbuckle.
16
00:00:46,876 --> 00:00:50,276
-Who is it that's coming. Dan?
-Chip.
17
00:00:53,614 --> 00:00:54,884
Chip Collins?
18
00:00:55,049 --> 00:00:57,979
Hey. pork belly futures are up.
19
00:00:58,152 --> 00:00:59,982
Come on.
you've heard me talk about him.
20
00:01:00,154 --> 00:01:02,924
Tulane '73. Old beer-blasting...
21
00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:06,290
...panty-raiding. full-mooning.
Chipperoo. Ha-ha-ha.
22
00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:08,900
Yeah. he's the one
who went into priesthood. right?
23
00:01:09,063 --> 00:01:10,933
No. that was Bubba Patterson.
24
00:01:11,632 --> 00:01:13,572
Father Bubba?
25
00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:17,474
He didn't make it.
He's with Green Bay now.
26
00:01:17,637 --> 00:01:18,927
So who's Chip?
27
00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:21,944
Chip. my best friend.
my closest buddy. my spiritual twin.
28
00:01:22,107 --> 00:01:24,297
[LAUGHS]
29
00:01:24,476 --> 00:01:26,736
Once in high school.
right before the big game...
30
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,902
...we stole our rival team's mascot.
31
00:01:29,081 --> 00:01:30,551
This little German shepherd puppy.
32
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,176
[LAUGHS]
33
00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:36,081
-You stole a little puppy?
-That was the best part.
34
00:01:36,255 --> 00:01:38,615
After we shaved it.
you couldn't tell what it was.
35
00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:40,020
[LAUGHS]
36
00:01:40,191 --> 00:01:42,661
Dan. that was cruel.
37
00:01:42,827 --> 00:01:45,727
Oh. come on. we glued the hair back on.
38
00:01:47,431 --> 00:01:51,561
So. what brings old Snips-and-Snails-
and-Puppy-Dogs‘-Tails to town. huh?
39
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:55,396
-He's getting married.
-Dan. your friend's here.
40
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:59,443
All right. Chip is here!
Ha-ha-ha. where is he?
41
00:01:59,610 --> 00:02:04,210
Ooh. you must be
Thunderba||'s fiancée. Well. heh....
42
00:02:04,382 --> 00:02:06,942
Ahem. let me be
the first to congratulate--
43
00:02:07,118 --> 00:02:10,088
Dan. it's me.
44
00:02:17,961 --> 00:02:19,931
You who?
45
00:02:21,031 --> 00:02:22,261
Thunderball.
46
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,060
Chip!
47
00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:18,790
Oh. I'm sorry. I was just. uh....
48
00:03:18,953 --> 00:03:22,863
-Ha. curious?
-No. heh.
49
00:03:24,024 --> 00:03:25,754
Yes.
50
00:03:29,761 --> 00:03:31,701
Hey. Bull. what about Dan?
51
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:33,423
It's okay.
52
00:03:33,598 --> 00:03:35,728
I got his tongue back up.
53
00:03:38,603 --> 00:03:41,003
[LAUGHING]
54
00:03:41,172 --> 00:03:44,072
Ah. Chip. Chip. Chip. Ha. ha.
55
00:03:44,242 --> 00:03:46,842
You old son of a gun. you. ha. ha.
56
00:03:47,011 --> 00:03:50,571
You had me going.
What a gag. what a pistol. Ha. ha.
57
00:03:50,748 --> 00:03:54,648
Put your real clothes back on. before
somebody mistakes you for a woman.
58
00:03:55,819 --> 00:04:00,149
Dan. these are my real clothes.
I am a woman.
59
00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,524
[LAUGHS]
60
00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:04,922
-Chip. come on. these are my friends here--
-Dan. it's true.
61
00:04:05,095 --> 00:04:08,325
Old Chipperoo is Charlene now.
62
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:10,820
Completely.
63
00:04:13,537 --> 00:04:14,937
You don't mean...?
64
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,100
Bye-bye. birdie.
65
00:04:24,548 --> 00:04:25,708
Good Lord!
66
00:04:25,882 --> 00:04:28,352
Hey. Dan. Dan. take it easy.
67
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,708
Take it easy?
68
00:04:29,886 --> 00:04:34,376
This is not his lucky rabbit's foot he lost.
Harry. We're talking an appendage.
69
00:04:36,826 --> 00:04:38,756
I knew it was gonna be a shock to him.
70
00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:41,948
I just couldn't think of a way
to break it to him gently.
71
00:04:42,531 --> 00:04:43,931
She's very pretty. Dan.
72
00:04:44,099 --> 00:04:46,499
But I thought your friend was a man.
73
00:04:46,668 --> 00:04:48,028
He was.
74
00:04:48,436 --> 00:04:50,496
I had an operation. Bull.
75
00:04:50,671 --> 00:04:53,141
Uh. I had a sex change.
76
00:04:53,774 --> 00:04:55,504
Oh. yeah?
77
00:04:57,377 --> 00:05:00,747
Does this have anything to do
with the birds and the bees?
78
00:05:01,514 --> 00:05:04,714
In a high-tech sort of way.
79
00:05:05,351 --> 00:05:07,411
You know.
I have heard about these things...
80
00:05:07,587 --> 00:05:10,147
...but I've never actually met anyone
who had one.
81
00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:13,053
Ha. ha. Don't be so sure.
82
00:05:13,326 --> 00:05:15,416
It's more common than you think.
83
00:05:15,595 --> 00:05:21,255
Trust me. It may not be mint.
but this is all my original equipment.
84
00:05:28,508 --> 00:05:31,208
So how about those Knicks. huh?
85
00:05:31,377 --> 00:05:33,737
Heh. They need a power forward.
86
00:05:35,648 --> 00:05:38,238
I ought to know. I used to be one.
87
00:05:39,017 --> 00:05:43,217
And I thought the legs
were the first thing to go.
88
00:05:45,691 --> 00:05:49,891
-Dan. let me try and explain--
-Go away!
89
00:05:50,062 --> 00:05:51,692
Dan. this is your friend.
90
00:05:51,864 --> 00:05:53,354
This is a gelding.
91
00:05:53,532 --> 00:05:57,232
My friend is in a bottle
of formaldehyde somewhere.
92
00:06:00,905 --> 00:06:05,535
Well. it's obvious you old buddies
have a lot to talk about. so....
93
00:06:05,710 --> 00:06:07,680
So where's Chip?
94
00:06:10,381 --> 00:06:12,821
Ha. ha. Come on. big guy.
95
00:06:12,984 --> 00:06:17,054
Maybe I can explain it to you
with your Cabbage Patch doll.
96
00:06:20,691 --> 00:06:22,961
You know. Dan.
an old saying just occurred to me.
97
00:06:23,127 --> 00:06:26,587
Don't judge a man
until you've walked a mile in his shoes.
98
00:06:27,431 --> 00:06:30,871
We used to wear
each other's shorts. Harry.
99
00:06:31,335 --> 00:06:33,595
It needed updating.
100
00:06:35,406 --> 00:06:38,836
It's true.
You can't judge a book by its cover.
101
00:06:41,112 --> 00:06:45,852
Excuse me. I'm gonna go hang myself.
102
00:06:47,585 --> 00:06:48,845
ISIGHSI
103
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:50,180
You're looking well. Dan.
104
00:06:50,687 --> 00:06:53,947
Oh. you don't think
this is too much mascara. then?
105
00:06:55,559 --> 00:06:58,459
In case you're interested.
I'm very happy now.
106
00:06:58,628 --> 00:07:02,958
Why shouldn't you be? You're young.
you're healthy. your accessories match.
107
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:07,233
Look. I know you're having trouble
believing this. but I had to do what I did.
108
00:07:07,404 --> 00:07:08,534
[BOTH SIGHI
109
00:07:08,705 --> 00:07:12,335
After I realized the truth about myself.
how I always felt unnatural.
110
00:07:12,509 --> 00:07:16,099
How I always had to prove myself
by hustling every girl I met.
111
00:07:16,279 --> 00:07:17,299
I hated it.
112
00:07:17,948 --> 00:07:19,808
-You hated it?
-Every minute.
113
00:07:19,983 --> 00:07:21,853
But you were so good at it.
114
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,090
I was just one of the guys
on the outside.
115
00:07:26,256 --> 00:07:30,846
Inside I was desperately yearning to be
one of the girls.
116
00:07:32,561 --> 00:07:35,431
I let you watch me shower.
117
00:07:35,598 --> 00:07:36,828
Dan. let me explain....
118
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,468
There's no need to.
the facts reek for themselves.
119
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:42,304
We-- We used to be best friends.
120
00:07:42,470 --> 00:07:45,930
Ugh. that's why I wanted you to share
the happiness of my wedding.
121
00:07:46,107 --> 00:07:49,037
As what? Matron of honor?
122
00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:52,080
How about flower girl?
I am certainly the best man.
123
00:07:52,981 --> 00:07:54,241
Are you positive?
124
00:07:54,415 --> 00:07:57,715
Hey! I've had every woman
in this building!
125
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:03,594
I have had stewardesses
from 14 foreign countries.
126
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:08,152
I have had den mothers.
127
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,730
Now. let's get this straight.
128
00:08:13,902 --> 00:08:15,962
He was a man.
then found out she was a woman.
129
00:08:16,137 --> 00:08:17,727
-Right.
-Who told her?
130
00:08:17,905 --> 00:08:21,065
-Himself.
-Got it.
131
00:08:22,142 --> 00:08:23,732
No. I don't.
132
00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:27,810
If only we had some movie
we could show him.
133
00:08:27,980 --> 00:08:30,710
I wouldn't mind seeing Old Yeller again.
134
00:08:32,585 --> 00:08:37,245
Why it doesn't say Brunswick
across the top of his head. I'll never know.
135
00:08:40,393 --> 00:08:44,563
Sir. perhaps we should send somebody
after Dan.
136
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:47,320
-Let's give him a couple of minutes.
-He seemed upset.
137
00:08:47,499 --> 00:08:50,399
-Well. you blame him?
-Heh. well. no.
138
00:08:50,568 --> 00:08:55,228
I suppose it would be somewhat of a shock
to find out that your old friend....
139
00:08:56,808 --> 00:08:59,208
Grew breasts?
140
00:09:00,145 --> 00:09:03,005
I would've said it. Eventually.
141
00:09:03,181 --> 00:09:04,511
Dan's gonna come out of this.
142
00:09:04,683 --> 00:09:07,353
I don't know about you.
but I think that Dan is capable...
143
00:09:07,519 --> 00:09:10,049
...of being understanding.
compassionate and sensitive.
144
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:15,491
Hey! Fie|ding's punching out
some woman in the cafeteria.
145
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,990
Of course I also thought Mondale
was gonna carry a second state.
146
00:09:21,163 --> 00:09:22,193
Follow me.
147
00:09:25,334 --> 00:09:29,434
Move aside. coming through. Clear
a path. coming through. coming through.
148
00:09:29,604 --> 00:09:30,704
[HARRY GASPSI
149
00:09:30,872 --> 00:09:33,402
All right. everybody move back.
150
00:09:44,853 --> 00:09:46,653
What happened?
151
00:09:46,822 --> 00:09:48,452
He got bitchy.
152
00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:53,953
So I decked him.
153
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,699
ICHATTERING INDISTINCTLYI
154
00:10:18,753 --> 00:10:24,283
That's the guy
who got his lights punched out by a dame.
155
00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:32,160
Dan. I swear. it's barely noticeable.
156
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:36,173
As long as you don't mind
wearing a sack on your head.
157
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,003
-Hey. Dan.
-How's your eye?
158
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,576
I stopped the flow of blood.
159
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:48,684
I expect to do the same
with the pus that will form tomorrow.
160
00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:52,519
OkaY-
161
00:10:56,121 --> 00:10:59,821
Just so you know.
she blinded me with some croutons.
162
00:10:59,991 --> 00:11:01,621
I couldn't see a thing.
163
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:02,823
We understand. Dan.
164
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:05,264
Didn't stop me from getting
a couple of blows in.
165
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:09,390
Oh. we saw.
The rouge on her left cheek was a mess.
166
00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:12,097
Well. how about that first case. Mac?
167
00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:15,710
Uh. yes. sir. People v. Maclntire.
168
00:11:15,873 --> 00:11:20,973
HARRY: The charge?
-Indecent exposure. fifth offense.
169
00:11:21,145 --> 00:11:23,735
I can't stop myself.
170
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:26,914
Normally. I'm a respectable man.
171
00:11:27,084 --> 00:11:29,754
But when the tension gets me.
I do crazy things!
172
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,720
I gotta be seen. it's a sickness!
173
00:11:35,624 --> 00:11:37,354
Sickness?
174
00:11:37,525 --> 00:11:40,955
You dare call yourself sick?
175
00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:43,149
You don't know the meaning
of the word sick.
176
00:11:43,330 --> 00:11:47,290
I have seen sick. I have been to the top
of the mountain of sick.
177
00:11:47,468 --> 00:11:50,058
The very pinnacle of perversion!
178
00:11:50,236 --> 00:11:53,536
On a scale of one to 10. you're a zero!
179
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:58,598
I can do better! I swear!
180
00:11:58,778 --> 00:12:01,038
Get ahold of your emotions.
Mr. Prosecutor.
181
00:12:01,214 --> 00:12:04,314
-Yeah. Like Chip shou|d've got ahold to his--
-Recess!
182
00:12:05,817 --> 00:12:07,107
Dan.
183
00:12:07,284 --> 00:12:09,784
Right. meet you in the woodshed.
184
00:12:09,954 --> 00:12:11,484
HARRY:
Bull.
185
00:12:16,092 --> 00:12:20,222
I sometimes think
they should all be fixed.
186
00:12:27,637 --> 00:12:29,867
DAN:
I don't understand it. Harry.
187
00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:33,800
Some things in this world
should not be meddled with.
188
00:12:33,977 --> 00:12:35,137
Nature. Humanity.
189
00:12:35,310 --> 00:12:38,010
-Coca-Cola.
-Exactly.
190
00:12:40,549 --> 00:12:42,209
Dan.
191
00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:46,980
Did I tell you about coming home one night
and finding a man sleeping on my porch?
192
00:12:47,155 --> 00:12:49,175
Several times.
193
00:12:50,290 --> 00:12:51,720
Okay. uh. did I ever tell you...
194
00:12:51,892 --> 00:12:54,832
...what my grandmother's last words were
to me on her deathbed?
195
00:12:54,995 --> 00:12:57,325
"Anybody but Jesse|."
196
00:12:59,065 --> 00:13:01,325
Okay. then a duck
walks into a pharmacy. and says:
197
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:04,491
"Give me some ChapStick
and put it on my bill."
198
00:13:08,975 --> 00:13:11,165
Stop it. please.
199
00:13:11,645 --> 00:13:12,975
I'm sorry.
200
00:13:13,146 --> 00:13:15,806
I feel so betrayed.
201
00:13:15,982 --> 00:13:19,922
Well. to tell you the absolute truth. Dan.
I don't blame you.
202
00:13:21,087 --> 00:13:22,317
-You don't?
-No.
203
00:13:22,488 --> 00:13:24,548
I mean. so she has her life to lead. fine...
204
00:13:24,723 --> 00:13:27,953
...but she doesn't have to come here
and rub your face in it.
205
00:13:28,694 --> 00:13:30,224
-Thank you.
-Well. I mean it.
206
00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:33,755
I was thinking about it
while you were lying in the lettuce.
207
00:13:34,966 --> 00:13:36,526
It's not fair.
208
00:13:36,701 --> 00:13:40,101
I mean. she has no right
to lay this kind of trip on you.
209
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:41,290
CHARLENE:
He's right.
210
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,232
HARRY: Oh. uh. Charlene. We--
We were just. uh--
211
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,427
-Ripping me to shreds?
-She's got a great pair of ears.
212
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,339
And I just love her ears.
213
00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:51,410
Somebody get me a bucket.
214
00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:54,966
This is my fiancé. Larry.
215
00:13:55,147 --> 00:13:57,207
Hi. Larry. nice to meet you.
Congratulations.
216
00:13:57,382 --> 00:13:59,852
You got yourself quite a little.
uh....
217
00:14:00,385 --> 00:14:01,405
Uh....
218
00:14:01,587 --> 00:14:03,177
-A woman?
-Yeah. that's the word.
219
00:14:03,354 --> 00:14:06,884
Thanks. I know.
After Charlene. they broke the mold.
220
00:14:07,758 --> 00:14:09,728
Too bad.
they could have cast him another--
221
00:14:09,894 --> 00:14:12,964
That's Dan Fielding.
222
00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:14,860
You're Char|ene's oldest friend.
223
00:14:15,031 --> 00:14:17,861
Where did you two meet?
At a human oddities mixer?
224
00:14:19,068 --> 00:14:21,298
Dan. I came back to apologize.
225
00:14:23,105 --> 00:14:25,435
Larry. glad you showed up.
I need a second opinion.
226
00:14:25,608 --> 00:14:27,698
I got this fascinating wood grain
on my bench.
227
00:14:27,876 --> 00:14:29,336
Looks just like Mount Rushmore.
228
00:14:29,511 --> 00:14:32,381
But instead of Lincoln.
it looks like Telly Savalas. Here.
229
00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:33,778
[DOOR CLOSESI
230
00:14:34,515 --> 00:14:36,705
Dan. I-- I am sorry.
231
00:14:36,884 --> 00:14:40,514
Too late. You should have gotten
the money-back guarantee.
232
00:14:42,122 --> 00:14:45,852
Not for what I did to myself.
but for what I did to you.
233
00:14:47,461 --> 00:14:48,491
lS|GHS]
234
00:14:48,662 --> 00:14:51,722
They told me not to expect anybody
to accept it.
235
00:14:51,898 --> 00:14:54,628
They were right.
236
00:14:55,202 --> 00:14:59,642
Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom.
You remember standing up?
237
00:15:01,241 --> 00:15:05,411
-Dan. I always loved you.
-You take that back.
238
00:15:05,579 --> 00:15:09,279
Not as a woman loves a man.
but as a friend loves a friend.
239
00:15:09,448 --> 00:15:11,878
Chip was my friend. not you.
240
00:15:12,051 --> 00:15:14,211
To me. he was a god. a king.
241
00:15:14,386 --> 00:15:18,976
Well. the king is dead.
long live the queen.
242
00:15:21,693 --> 00:15:24,563
Okay. I won't bother you anymore.
243
00:15:25,330 --> 00:15:26,350
ICHARLENE SIGHSI
244
00:15:26,531 --> 00:15:30,361
It was nice seeing you again.
Maybe we'll run into each other sometime.
245
00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:34,494
Yeah. who knows. maybe next time you'll
be something from the animal kingdom.
246
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,768
I never meant to hurt you. Dan.
247
00:15:39,943 --> 00:15:42,313
You lied to me. damn it!
248
00:15:42,479 --> 00:15:45,639
You took all of those years of sharing.
of camaraderie...
249
00:15:45,816 --> 00:15:49,716
...of listening to my most private thoughts
and then said. "Just kidding!"
250
00:15:49,887 --> 00:15:52,717
Don't you understand yet. you idiot?
251
00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:54,820
I never lied to you back then.
252
00:15:56,292 --> 00:15:59,922
I never knew myself.
253
00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:06,260
[MAN HUMMINGI
254
00:16:07,235 --> 00:16:10,065
Boy. that is some dish.
255
00:16:11,606 --> 00:16:13,466
She used to be a man.
256
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:17,140
What's your point?
257
00:16:19,748 --> 00:16:23,178
Yeah. What is your point?
258
00:16:26,521 --> 00:16:27,891
Okay. Bull...
259
00:16:28,456 --> 00:16:31,446
...what do Renee Richards.
Christine Jorgensen...
260
00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:35,185
...and Myra Breckinridge
all have in common?
261
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:40,720
They're all people I've never heard of.
262
00:16:41,899 --> 00:16:43,659
Next.
263
00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:44,855
OkaY-
264
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:46,326
[BOTH CLEAR THROAT]
265
00:16:46,503 --> 00:16:50,603
Once upon a time there was a mommy bird
and a daddy bird.
266
00:16:50,774 --> 00:16:56,244
And one day the daddy bird decided
that he wanted to be a mommy bird.
267
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:59,683
So he flew all the way to Sweden...
268
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:04,850
...to a special clinic
where they changed things.
269
00:17:06,289 --> 00:17:07,979
What things?
270
00:17:09,159 --> 00:17:10,519
Next.
271
00:17:12,828 --> 00:17:15,728
The story about you
and the Rumplemeyer sisters that night...
272
00:17:15,898 --> 00:17:17,418
...that was all made up?
273
00:17:17,866 --> 00:17:19,826
I never even showed up for the date.
274
00:17:20,268 --> 00:17:23,028
But the part on the Ferris wheel?
275
00:17:24,005 --> 00:17:26,265
Heh. I didn't want to let you down.
276
00:17:26,441 --> 00:17:28,541
Every time I went out to prove myself...
277
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:31,410
...I came back with more doubts
than ever before.
278
00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:33,839
We all have doubts.
we don't run out to surgery...
279
00:17:34,015 --> 00:17:37,245
...every time we don't spring
into action right away.
280
00:17:37,886 --> 00:17:39,846
Ha. ha. That's funny.
281
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,961
Yeah. it put you in stitches. didn't it?
282
00:17:42,123 --> 00:17:43,393
ICHARLENE LAUGHS]
283
00:17:43,992 --> 00:17:48,902
Dan. Ha. ha.
Dan. I did lie to you back then.
284
00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:51,961
Once.
285
00:17:52,399 --> 00:17:54,419
Remember the night
after our senior finals?
286
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,930
ICHUCKLESI
287
00:17:56,102 --> 00:18:00,772
We got drunk and threw up
all over that statue of Betsy Ross.
288
00:18:01,974 --> 00:18:04,744
And I wound up crying in your arms
that night. didn't I?
289
00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:12,480
I think I told you that Debbie Kramer
dumped me for that jock at Delta Pi...
290
00:18:12,652 --> 00:18:13,922
...and broke my heart.
291
00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:19,687
It was. um. really this. um.
plumbing business thing?
292
00:18:20,827 --> 00:18:23,317
That's when I started
to put things together.
293
00:18:23,496 --> 00:18:26,586
Started to understand
what was happening to me.
294
00:18:27,066 --> 00:18:28,826
I almost told you that night.
295
00:18:29,769 --> 00:18:30,929
Why didn't you?
296
00:18:32,771 --> 00:18:36,261
Right. I would've gouged out my eyes.
297
00:18:36,441 --> 00:18:38,171
Maybe. maybe not.
298
00:18:38,342 --> 00:18:42,372
But if there was anybody
I could've told in the world that night...
299
00:18:42,546 --> 00:18:43,736
...it would have been you.
300
00:18:45,516 --> 00:18:48,206
Anyway. it was just as comforting.
301
00:18:48,385 --> 00:18:52,145
I was your friend. I was in pain.
somehow you had to ease it.
302
00:18:52,323 --> 00:18:54,223
And you did. Heh.
303
00:18:54,859 --> 00:18:59,019
You convinced your buddy
that everything was gonna be all right.
304
00:19:01,031 --> 00:19:03,231
You came here tonight to...?
305
00:19:04,235 --> 00:19:06,135
To say thank you.
306
00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:12,374
Thank you.
307
00:19:18,015 --> 00:19:19,535
[SIGHSI
308
00:19:20,950 --> 00:19:23,280
Take care of yourself. Dan.
309
00:19:25,855 --> 00:19:29,015
DAN: Wait a minute.
just hold on a minute here.
310
00:19:29,926 --> 00:19:32,986
About this Larry geek....
311
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:40,070
A little old for you. isn't he?
312
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,104
Charlene was a man.
313
00:19:46,276 --> 00:19:48,236
ALL:
Uh-huh.
314
00:19:49,379 --> 00:19:51,009
Then had an operation.
315
00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:53,240
ALL:
Uh-huh.
316
00:19:54,783 --> 00:19:58,283
And now he's a heterosexual!
317
00:19:58,453 --> 00:20:00,183
[ALL GROANI
318
00:20:02,189 --> 00:20:03,519
[DAN & CHARLENE LAUGHING]
319
00:20:03,691 --> 00:20:06,591
But that linebacker. that big guy.
he used to be in our dorm...
320
00:20:06,761 --> 00:20:09,201
...he turned out to be gay. Ha-ha-ha.
321
00:20:10,331 --> 00:20:11,771
Right.
322
00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:16,258
Uh. sorry for the delay. sir.
323
00:20:16,437 --> 00:20:18,527
All right.
you guys had a lot to talk about.
324
00:20:18,706 --> 00:20:22,696
Memories to savor. Years to catch up on.
325
00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:26,036
Cut the courtesy.
what the hell happened?
326
00:20:26,980 --> 00:20:28,570
Tsk. well...
327
00:20:29,415 --> 00:20:31,135
...it's settled.
328
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:35,713
What was. was.
329
00:20:36,387 --> 00:20:37,407
What is...
330
00:20:39,857 --> 00:20:41,287
...is.
331
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:44,063
Oh. that clears it all up.
332
00:20:44,629 --> 00:20:47,599
I just want to ask one question.
333
00:20:53,036 --> 00:20:55,326
What kind of bike do you ride?
334
00:20:56,605 --> 00:20:58,225
Bull.
335
00:20:58,707 --> 00:21:02,337
-Go call Dr. Ruth.
-Right.
336
00:21:06,414 --> 00:21:08,754
Well. we'll see you
at the wedding. of course.
337
00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:10,177
Uh. of course.
338
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,952
Although I have no idea
what to get you as a gift.
339
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,210
[LARRY CHUCKLES]
340
00:21:14,388 --> 00:21:16,758
I'm registered at Bloomingdale's.
341
00:21:19,827 --> 00:21:22,917
I never thought I'd hear you say that.
342
00:21:24,732 --> 00:21:26,602
Goodbye. Dan.
343
00:21:27,868 --> 00:21:29,838
Goodbye. Ch-- Uh....
344
00:21:30,004 --> 00:21:32,274
--arlene.
345
00:21:39,046 --> 00:21:40,736
Be gentle.
346
00:21:46,954 --> 00:21:49,894
-Well?
-Well what?
347
00:21:50,057 --> 00:21:54,357
Doesn't this outfit just cry out for pearls?
348
00:22:02,136 --> 00:22:03,696
Not tonight. I have a headache.
349
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,010
Guilty. innocent. Guilty. innocent.
350
00:22:11,177 --> 00:22:14,107
Guilty. guilty. guilty.
351
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,640
IKNOCKING ON DOOR]
352
00:22:15,814 --> 00:22:17,254
Yo.
353
00:22:18,216 --> 00:22:22,176
-May I come in. sir?
-Anytime. my giant friend.
354
00:22:24,456 --> 00:22:25,856
Bull. you look confused.
355
00:22:27,459 --> 00:22:29,389
Still?
356
00:22:35,133 --> 00:22:37,733
This is anatomically correct.
357
00:22:37,902 --> 00:22:41,172
For some of us. maybe.
358
00:22:41,338 --> 00:22:44,638
Now. what happened to Chip?
359
00:23:01,525 --> 00:23:05,585
Oh. my God.
360
00:23:08,599 --> 00:23:10,359
It kind of reminds you how you felt...
361
00:23:10,534 --> 00:23:13,094
...when you found out
about the Easter Bunny. huh?
362
00:23:14,738 --> 00:23:16,798
What about the Easter Bunny?
363
00:23:57,914 --> 00:23:59,914
[ENGLISH SDHI
364
00:23:59,964 --> 00:24:04,514
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