Original subtitles

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Kickin' it with you.

All right guys, your homework was to watch the video of the "soaring crow" kata.

Let's see what you got.

And... begin.

- [Cawing] - [Grunting]

None of you watched the video.

Rudy, we're really busy at school.

[Mocking] We're really busy with school.

You want to feel pressure? Wait till you're my age.

Trust me, no one gives you an award for being an adult.

I don't believe it... I'm getting an award for being an adult!

What do you mean?

Seaford High is inducting me into its Hall of Fame.

All: Why?

Starting to lose it. Someone please read this.

Read it with some pizzazz.

"We are pleased to formally acknowledge your contribution to the youth of Seaford,

through your leadership and commitment to physical fitness".

In your face, mother!

And they're giving you a black tie pork chop dinner!

Black tie?

Pork chops?

It's all happening so fast.

[Rock music playing]

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

That's just how we do.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Here we go, let's start the party!

Chop it up like it's karate.

Everybody!

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

That's just how we do.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Hey, guys. I have favor to ask for you.

My niece, Mika, she moved here from Hachmakistan.

She will be ninth grader in your learning house.

And I was wondering if you would would make the friendships with her.

- Oh, yeah. Sure, man. - Yeah, of course.

Oh, thanks.

There is something that I need to tell you though.

I love her very much, but... she is, how do you say...

Ugly like a pig.

I will show you. Let me summon the beast.

[Tribal shriek]

[Tribal shriek]

[All screaming]

That is not her. That is my new busboy, Rafael.

That is Mika.

[Soul music playing]

She is not like the beauties that we have in my country.

Poor thing, with her separate eyebrows, hairless nose, and complete...

Lack of tail.

[Gags]

- All: Whoa. - Swag.

Mika, these are the boys that I was telling you about.

The ones who do the... [grunts]

Nice to meet you.

What it do, Mika?

Phil: Okay, come. I'm going to teach you how to make sandwich.

Okay. Bye-bye, boys.

[Whimpers]

Phil's niece is hot!

I just autographed my first baby.

[Chuckles]

When his mom gets out of the bathroom, she is going to be so proud!

Wait, so you signed a baby?

Right across the face.

Got some more pictures of me from my Hall of Fame induction video.

Rudy, I think we have enough.

We went through your school records, photos, and video clips.

Yeah, we got a great five minutes.

Five minutes? [Chuckles] Oh, no, no, no, no.

That's not gonna work.

Don't forget, this night is about me and me alone.

Milton: Whoa, this isn't good.

Rudy, you have a problem here.

According to this, you missed five days of mandatory attendance in ninth grade.

Yeah, and?

That means...

Technically you didn't complete high school.

Eddie: Wait, if he didn't graduate...

Then he's not eligible to be in the Seaford High Hall of Fame.

What?

Woman: [Screams]

What kind of animal would sign a baby's face?

- We should probably get him out of here. - [All chatter at once]

You're the Chairman of the Hall of Fame Committee, can't you do something?

I'm sorry, but your friends are right. You can't be in the Hall of Fame, Rudy.

Please? Isn't there anything I can do?

Well, there may be one thing.

What's up? How's it going? Slap me some skin.

All right, all right, I feel you.

Wow.

Rudy, you've actually come back to school.

Yeah.

I was the King here, once. Figured I'd spend five days back on the throne.

Oh, my father once spent five days on the throne after he had Cajun food.

[Groans]

Well, guys. You got one week to learn all you can from the King of Cool.

Will one of you guys please help me?

So, uh, Mika...

- Maybe we could go out? - [Chuckles]

Oh, Jerry. I like you very much, but I'm not ready for that.

You will always be a very special friend.

What?

So it's true what everyone is saying about you?

That I got caught making out with my uncle's bowling glove?

- No... - Oh, okay, good. Yeah...

Because that never happened.

Everyone is saying that you and Mika are going out.

I even heard Kathy Coburn say that if you can get a girl like Mika...

It puts you in a whole new league.

Well...

I am in a new league.

A brand-new league.

Yeah, Mika and I are boyfriend and girlfriend.

Taken.

Taken.

Should have put a ring on it, Margaret.

Kickin' it with you!

I remember health class.

I wonder if my old girlfriend's still here.

There she is.

[Grunts]

Hello, beautiful.

Rudy, I wouldn't touch that thing. It's a 40-year-old slobber-bag.

This doll is not a slobber-bag. It's designed to teach you CPR.

Watch and learn.

- Rudy, I... - Jack.

After pinching her nostrils, you use your breath to fill her lungs with life.

Rudy... [groans]

[Breathes]

Rudy, are you sure you're doing this right?

Yes.

Now, her stomach is filling up with air. Gently apply some pressure.

- I am not touching... - Do it! There's a life at stake!

[All gagging]

Little too much pressure, Jack.

What is going on here?

Learning.

Learning's going on here.

- Uh huh. - And who might...

You be?

I'm Bethany Applebaum, the teacher.

I'm Rudy Gillespie...

The teacher's pet.

Oh, right.

You're the student who came back to graduate.

Finishing your education. That is so...

Adorable.

Come here.

[Clears throat]

Hello, Bethany. Who's this loser?

[Laughs]

He's not a loser, Martin. He's my student.

I'm Coach Funderburk. Me and Bethany kind of have a thing.

No! No. We don't. [Chuckles]

- There is no thing... - Pretty big thing!

Everybody's talking about it.

[Laughs]

Um...

Rudy, I think you're having a reaction to that 40-year-old phlegm?

- So, Bethany. You want to split a Panini? - I already ate, Martin.

- I'd get in on that Panini. - You're not touching my Panini.

So...

Step off.

Yeah, I think you should probably get to the nurse's office.

Yeah, you should go.

All right. I'll go. But because m'lady asked me.

Not because of you.

And certainly not because of the excruciating,

burning sensation that is taking over my entire face.

[Door opens, closes]

[Screaming]

[Speaking Hachmaki]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Roll your slow.

- You are angry at Jerry? - Yes.

Guess what he has been saying about me?

That you are a two-brewed, pig-faced beast? I know.

No. He has been walking around school telling people that I'm his girlfriend.

[Speaking Hachmaki]

Oh, he must pay.

He has dishonored our family name.

Well, I have a plan to get back at him.

[Speaking Hachmaki]

Ooh. You are as sneaky as you are ugly.

[Speaking Hachmaki]

Sweet! My old gym uniform still fits.

Funderburk: Well, well. Happy to see you...

Pudy. [Laughs]

Uh, for your information, my name is Rudy.

Says so right here.

Part of the "R" fell off, so it does say "Pudy".

[Whistle blowing]

Let's play a little dodge ball.

Jocks against nerds.

All right, let's annihilate these geeks!

You're with them, Pudy.

[Blows whistle]

All right, guys. Don't worry. There's five of us.

All right, there's four of us...

There's three of us.

Two. There's two of us, and...

All right, it's Rudy time.

Come on, men!

Funderburk: Come on.

Step aside. [Exhales]

Oh, yeah.

Funderburk: Oh, face! [Laughs]

Literally! [Continues laughing]

It's Funderburk time, Pudy.

[Laughing]

Rudy, are you okay?

Oh.

[Yelps]

I gotta give Rudy credit.

This Hall of Fame thing is really important to him, and he's really hanging in there.

Rudy's tough. He'll never let you see it's getting to him.

Funderburk: Whoops. [Laughs]

Pudy! Pudy!

[All chanting] Pudy! Pudy! Pudy!

Aw, shut it!

That's it!

Stupid classes.

Stupid school!

Stupid...

Fork jammed into my thigh!

[Whimpers]

I'm done. I'm dropping out of high school.

Come on, Rudy. You can't drop out of school.

You won't get into the Hall of Fame.

I don't care. School is a mean, dark place.

And if you kids had half a brain in your heads, you'd drop out, too!

Rudy, I had a teacher once.

And he always taught me that no matter how difficult something is...

You can't quit.

School seems difficult now but,

in a couple of days you'll be through it and in the Hall of Fame.

You've helped us all... and tons of other kids.

You should be in the Hall of Fame.

And I'll help you get there.

We'll all help you.

Thanks, guys. It really means a lot.

So, I've been thinking about what you asked me, and perhaps I would date you.

Really?

Yes. But first, you must perform certain Hachmaki dating rituals.

Okay.

[Chanting]

You will begin by drinking a bowl of Samasuka.

To young love.

You like it, Jerry?

Phil: It is yak urine.

[Spits]

What?!

Wait, so...

Are we, like, boyfriend and girlfriend for real now?

Almost, just 27 rituals to go.

Next up is the salmon slap.

What the heck is a salmon...

[Yelling]

[Screams]

Kickin' it with you!

[Students chattering]

Class.

Stop talking, please?

Hey.

Your teacher said stop talking.

Punks!

Rudy, you've come back. [Giggles]

Yes, I did.

And I just wanted you to know that after class I was hoping to...

Clap your erasers.

Oh.

I'd like that. [Giggles]

I'd like that a lot.

I, uh, brought you this.

Is anybody else as creeped out as I am?

If you are my boyfriend, you must wear the traditional Hachmaki courting outfit.

[All laughing]

Quick question.

What's up with the jellyfish underpants?

Every step I take, they sting!

[Whimpers]

It is tradition.

See you later.

[Eddie laughs]

Hmm.

Stay strong for love, Jerry.

It can't get any worse.

It just got worse.

Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.

Well, Pudy.

Looks like the only thing standing between you and a Hall of Fame,

pork chop dinner is passing my class.

Oh, I'll pass it.

I went through your records.

And it seems there's one thing you couldn't complete.

- So, your final exam is... - Not the rope climb!

Oh, I was gonna have you do 10 sit-ups.

But rope climb it is! [Funderburk laughs]

Here it is.

I scraped all the gum from the bottom of every desk in school.

- Oh, Jerry, before you... - No, no, no. No.

The last requirement on your list was for me to eat this gum.

[Sighs] Let's do this.

Jerry, all those rituals I had you do...

I made them up.

What?

Well, you lied and told the entire school I was your girlfriend.

Wait, you knew about that?

I did. I'm not dumb foreign girl.

So all the stuff I've been through was just to get back at me?

Yes, it was.

Oh...

Oh...

[Chuckles]

I think you're the coolest chick I've ever met.

You went through an awful lot to be my boyfriend.

Maybe we should try it for real.

[Laughs]

I got my first girlfriend.

Woo!

I don't think I can do this.

Don't look down.

Don't look down, Rudy.

Come on, Rudy.

You can do this. Your kids believe in you.

And I believe in you.

- You do? - Yeah, I do.

Get up that rope and ring that bell!

When you get down, I'll have this waiting for you.

Did you just take out your teeth?

What? No.

It's a kiss.

- Oh. - [Chuckles]

- Right, no, that makes way more sense. - [Both laugh]

I'm gonna go.

- Bethany: Come on, Rudy. - Eddie: All right.

You've got this, come on, Rudy!

- Climb that rope. - Jerry: Come on, Rudy.

[All cheering and encouraging]

You've got it! Come on, Rudy!

- Go, go! - Come on, Rudy!

[Blows whistle]

Listen up, class.

The first person to knock Pudy off of that rope with one of these balls,

doesn't have to run laps for the rest of the year!

- Take him down! - Get the Pudy!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Eddie! Eddie! Are you really gonna knock Rudy off that rope?

To get out of running laps, I'd knock my mother off that rope.

No! No, Eddie.

Funderburk: Right there!

On his arms. Knock his hands off!

- Funderburk: Come on! Hit him! - [Yells]

[Rudy grunting]

That's it.

Throw it right there on his arms! Hit him in... come on!

Aah!

- I don't think I can do it, Jack. - Don't you quit on me now, Rudy.

You're so close. You gotta keep going.

[Grunts]

Get out of there.

[Laughs]

Oh!

[Kids cheering]

- [Bell ringing] - [Yelling]

Yes!

No!

[Groans]

Kickin' it with you!

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Wow. That was one amazing story, Dr. Hanft.

You saved more than a village.

You saved 10,000 lives.

[Applause]

Up next is Rudy Gillespie, a karate guy.

[Cheering, applause]

Thank you so much, chairman. Um...

I could begin the story of my life by starting with the day I was born but...

That wouldn't be fair to you.

For my story begins when my great, great, great grandfather Jebbidiah Gillespie,

came to America with nothing in his pocket,

but a spare pocket in case the first one ripped.

Rudy: And rip it did.

That is why I am the greatest person who ever existed.

Ever.

[Clapping]

Yay.

Kickin' it with you!

Jerry, I know it's our first date, but you don't have to be so nervous.

Oh, no, I'm not nervous.

I'm just a little weirded out that a bunch of your

relatives had to come on our first date with us.

In my country, it is part of dating ritual.

Well I guess it beats all those rituals you made up, right?

- They were crazy. - [Laughs] Yes, yes.

Oh, but one of those I did not make up.

Oh really, which one?

[Yelling]

No!

Ah!

Ow!

Kickin' it with you!

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