Original subtitles

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Jerry and I are making fifty bucks to babysit Lonnie's lizard,

while he's on vacation.

Why does he have that pained look on his face?

Oh. We're both a little gassy from that chili-cheese dog we split.

I think I know what he needs though.

Come here, boy.

Let it out. Let it out.

[Belches] [Passes gas]

Two gun salute, nice.

Only one of those guns was his.

Uh... what are you guys doing?

- Petting my gassy lizard. - That sounds about right.

All right, Kim. It's Wednesday.

Time to get our spar on.

Uh, Milton, I...

We need to...

Talk.

I don't think we should spar with each other anymore.

Is it something I did?

No, no, no! Milton, you're great. It's... it's not you.

- It's me. - It's someone else.

Isn't it?

Please don't tell me you sparred with him?

Here? On our mats?

I've been such a fool!

[Grunts]

Just down at the arcade. What was I doing there?

Only becoming the number one Immortal Slayer player in the world.

Wow. Spending thousands of hours with nerds in the dark really paid off.

Sure did. I won a really cool glow-in-the-dark T-shirt.

Oh, man. This thing is awesome.

[Sighs] Look, Jack. I'm tired of sparring with Milton.

I mean, you're the only other black belt in this dojo.

I want to be challenged.

Really? I... I don't think that's a great idea.

Come on, Jack.

Okay.

Jerry: Whoa. Wait, you guys are sparring?

Does Milton know about this?

Yes. Yes, he does.

[Sobs]

[Rock music playing]

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

That's just how we do.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Here we go, let's start the party!

Chop it up like it's karate.

Everybody!

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

That's just how we do.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Finally some sparing between real karate students.

Instead of a bunch of confused gazelles blindly flailing around in their pajamas.

No offense.

- Oh, it's cool. - None taken.

I love gazelles.

And remember, Jack, give me everything you've got.

Kim, are you sure you want to do this?

Okay.

[Grunting]

Oh! [Chuckling]

She just flipped you like a pancake.

I gotta go upload this.

It's gonna get more hits than "fat baby farts".

Yes!

I took you down.

Down to the ground.

I gotta hand it to you, Kim. You got the better of me. Congratulations.

Enjoy what you've got, Jack.

It's only a matter of time before she tosses you out like an old sock.

Wow, Jack.

I didn't see that coming.

Sometimes you gotta expect the unexpected.

[Clicks tongue]

Wha...?

Wha...?

Jack just winked. That means he let Kim win.

Forget Jack.

This lizard's clamped down on my belly button, man!

Get it off! Get it off!

[Whimpers]

- Oh. - Is it okay?

My innie's now an outie.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you!

Yo, Rudy. Come check out the iguana.

Oh, no. I'm not gonna fall for that one again.

Oh. You actually have an iguana this time.

Cool.

Oh, what's all this?

Ah, just getting rid of a bunch of junk from down in my storage unit.

Ooh, this is pretty cool.

Oh, wow. I didn't even know that was in there.

That's my old Red Zephyr steam engine.

When I was six, that train was like my best friend. [Chuckles]

Uh, don't get me wrong. I had people friends, too.

- What does it do? - Well, come on. I'll show you.

So...

I guess there's no longer any question about

who the number one black belt is in this dojo.

I took him down.

Boom goes the dynamite! Boom! I said, boom.

We get it, Kim. That's the sound dynamite makes.

Yeah, yeah.

[High-pitched] You're number one.

What was that?

What?

When your voice goes up high like that it means you're hiding something.

Everybody does it.

Don't they, Eddie?

[High-pitched] Why are you dragging me into this?

Jerry, what's going on?

Uh...

[Yelps]

All right, all right, all right.

Jack threw the match.

He winked at us like this. [Clicks tongue]

Which is guy talk for "I let her win".

Really? Well...

Wait till I get my hands on that little winker.

Where is he?

[High-pitched] I don't know. Really, Jerry? Really?

He's at the arcade.

[Exhales]

That was a close one, man. She almost got something out of me.

Jerry: Whew!

[Train bell ringing]

Boy, this really takes me back.

It's amazing isn't it?

Well, it's just going in circles.

Maybe if we had some more track, the train could go through a...

I don't know, a kind of town?

What town?

Maybe a little town called "Miltonville".

Tell me more about this...

Rudyville.

Well, it's the kind of place where everyone knows each other's names.

And no one locks their doors at night.

Yes, yes, go on.

The men at Rudyville are the kind of men who

look you in the eye when you shake their hand.

And they all smell like brand-new haircuts.

Oh, now I see it.

And they all work in a factory up on the ridge.

And it's a fine factory.

And you know what they make in that factory, Milton?

Wicker furniture!

No.

Dreams.

And how do those clean-cut Joes get to and from the factory?

Both: The train!

[Crowd chanting] Thrasher! Thrasher!

Thrasher! Thrasher!

Thrasher! Thrasher!

Thrasher! Thrasher! Thrasher! Thrasher!

Joan: Kim! Surprised to see you here.

You'd better watch your back. This video arcade is where nerds go off.

Um, they look pretty harmless to me.

Oh. Little known fact.

A nerd has three times the strength of your average dork.

I was in here last year when the change machine jammed.

Good thing I had my nerd riot gear.

Spritz bottle with water, that's all it takes.

[Laughing]

Nerds.

Male voice: Congratulations, Thrasher.

You are immortal.

[Crowd cheering]

Hey, Kim. Did you see that?

That's why they call me "Thrasher".

Oh, pretty impressive.

Hey, quick question for ya, Thrasher.

When we sparred this morning, did you let me win?

[High-pitched] What?

I knew it. I can't believe you didn't have enough respect to fight me for real.

Why did you hold back?

Well, you know... I'm a...

And you're...

Oh, wow. A girl?

Well...

Thrasher, get on up here.

The owner of the game company needs me. Gotta go.

How about a hand for Thrasher everybody?

[Crowd cheering]

I'm excited to announce the first ever live Immortal Slayer death match,

between the top two players in the country.

This Saturday night, right here in Thrasher's home arcade.

- [Crowd cheering] - Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah!

And the winner's avatar will be featured on the cover of next year's home version.

Huh? [Crowd cheering]

[Crowd chanting] Thrasher! Thrasher!

All right, that's it, nerds. I'm going from spritz to stream.

[All screaming]

Who's the little cutie?

You are. Yes, you are.

Now, open wide.

Here comes the airplane.

[Imitates train]

[Imitates train whistle]

[Belches]

Oh.

That's it, you scaly little monster.

One more time and I'll drag you behind the dumpster and feed you to the rats.

How dare you!

Oh. [Chuckles] I'm so sorry. I thought that was a baby.

I love lizards.

Oh, me too.

Yeah, I love this little guy.

And I'm a very protective parent.

In fact, I never take my eyes off of him.

You know, I was just about to order some food.

Would you care for some baba ghanoush?

Hey, Nathan. What did you want to talk to me about?

Your match against the number one player.

What? I thought I was the number one player.

Oh, you were... four days ago.

But that was before the Skull-Ripper showed up.

[Crowd chanting] Skull-Ripper! Skull-Ripper! Skull-Ripper!

Skull-Ripper! Skull-Ripper! Skull-Ripper!

[Crowd chanting] Finish him! Finish him!

Finish him!

Male voice: Congratulations, Skull-Ripper.

You are immortal.

[Crowd cheering]

- Woo! - Kim?

Oh. Hi, Jack.

[Clicks tongue]

She kicked that alien right in his snot box.

That's my kind of woman.

I know what this is about.

It's about me letting you win when we sparred.

That's exactly what it's about.

I mean, I wanted a fair fight from you and this is the only way that I could get it.

Kim.

Death match is gonna be shown online.

You're gonna embarrass yourself in front of a whole lot of people.

Sounds like you're scared.

Okay, you know what? You want a real fight with me where I don't hold back?

- Well, you're gonna get it. - Good. Because that's what I want.

- Fine! - Fine!

- I forgot my books. - Me too.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you!

He's gotta be around here.

Where would you go if you were a lizard?

Well, I'd go to a pool party where lady lizards in bikinis

were walking around serving fly-kabobs... duh.

You're useless.

To capture the lizard, I'm gonna have to think like a lizard.

Well, you're not the only one who can do that.

Yo. What it do, girl?

Just getting my lizard on.

Fly!

It is absolutely perfect!

Eh. Hmm.

What was that?

I shouldn't mention it.

It's nitpicky.

Pick your nit.

Well, that drainage ditch could turn into a breeding ground for mosquitoes.

You're right.

And it's so close to the school.

All the kids are gonna get mosquito bites.

And the next thing you know there's a huge run on itch cream,

people panic, there's rioting in the streets,

and we can't have rioting in Rudyville...

Our Police Department is on back order!

Rudy, check it out. "Display World Magazine" is having a contest.

They're giving away 1,000 bucks for the most original train display.

1,000 bucks? You think we could win?

If we made some changes.

What kind of changes?

Well, our farm has no fence, so pigs are just wandering into the bank.

And our Mayor is a corn doodler with a mustache.

Wait. This was our Mayor?

We're gonna have to hold a new election.

Jack, why don't you tell everybody what your strategy is?

I'm going to use my agility and arsenal of counter-attacking spin kicks,

to take my opponent down.

I'm just gonna rip his skull off and soccer-kick it off the roof.

- What? You want to do this right now? - I really want to do this.

[Overlapping arguing]

- You know what? - All right, all right, all right.

I'll be the number one black belt in the dojo, brother!

- You're going down! - Kim: Boom!

Listen, Jack, I want to talk to you about the fight.

How would you, feel about...

Losing?

What?

Girls don't play Immortal Slayer.

But with someone like Kim on the cover, they will.

I need her to win.

[Stammering]

Wait, so you're asking me to throw the fight?

Go out there and make it look good for the first few minutes, and then...

Take a dive.

If you do that, we'll build a whole new game around your avatar.

Think about it Jack, the Thrasher will really...

Be immortal.

It is done, and it is perfect!

And just in time, too. The Judge for "Display World Magazine",

is gonna be here any minute.

Do you think we spent too much?

Wha... to win big, you need to think big.

Besides, once we win the 1,000 bucks, we're only gonna be out $3,000.

That's just good business.

Hi, I'm Mr. Gordon from "Display World Magazine".

You, Sir, are about to behold what some are calling the eighth wonder of the world.

And by some, I mean me and the boy.

I would ask you to not just view our display, but to take a journey!

It's gotta be a quick journey. I've got six minutes left on the meter.

Ooh.

[Trains whistling]

Please pay attention to the painstaking detail we put into our display.

That dog poop in the park looks real...

Because it is!

Kickin' it with you!

Welcome to the ultimate death match.

Two will enter the death chamber.

But only one will survive the violent massacre.

Sponsored by Fluffy Cow Fro-Yo. It's time to moo-ve over, ice cream.

Let the annihilation begin!

[Crowd cheering]

Male voice: Three, two, one.

Fight!

Isn't this motion capture technology awesome?

Pipe down there, Einstein. This stuff is so fake.

Holy Hannah! I know that girl on the roof!

She's not on the roof. It's a game.

Kim! Stay where you are.

I will find a way to save you.

Jerry? What are you supposed to be?

Well, I was thinking like a lizard.

If he believes I'm his mother, he'll come to me for safety.

I even have a lizard call. Check it.

[Roars]

That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

You look ridiculous.

I look ridiculous? You look like a bathmat with wings.

I'm a moth.

It's the lizard's favorite food.

He'll see me, get hungry, then come out to eat me.

No one's gonna want to eat you.

Hello. I look delicious.

Get out of here.

Okay, I gotta find that lizard and make sure I get my half of the $50.

You're not getting a single cent of that money, you lizard loser.

Oh-ho-ho. That's it.

I'm having wings for dinner.

Oh, let's go.

[Both grunting]

In my 26 years on the job I have never seen a display that is more...

Boring and cliched.

Seriously, am I being punked?

[Door opens]

[Grunting]

[Godzilla roar]

Both: No!

Both: No!

Yes!

Yes!

[Whistles]

[Screaming]

[Screams]

[Roars]

Bravo! Bravo!

You lured me in with your pathetic display, but then, enter Godzilla and Mothra.

And you reminded me why I became a miniature train display critic...

- In the first place. - Oh, yeah.

Congratulations.

Let's go. We got $1,000 to rebuild our town.

Maybe this time we can call it Miltonville.

Rudyville it is!

[Groans]

[Sighs]

Eddie!

Eddie, look what's peeking out of the tunnel.

Jerry: My idea worked. He thinks I'm his mother.

No. He thinks I'm his breakfast.

- Mother. - Breakfast.

- Mother! - Breakfast!

That's it!

[Yelling]

Kim's voice: All I wanted was a fair fight.

You probably shouldn't have done that.

He perfectly blocked her move!

And is using the energy from her death strike to enhance his life power!

Oh, Joan's getting overheated!

Spritz me, nerd!

Yes!

Male voice: Thrasher, you are the ultimate champion!

[Crowd cheering]

All: [Chanting] Thrasher! Thrasher...

I thought we had an agreement, Jack.

You blew it. We were going to build an entire game franchise around the Thrasher.

I was never gonna throw the fight.

Some things are just more important than a dumb video game.

[Whimpers]

I don't believe it.

He wanted you to throw the fight?

Yeah. But, uh. I wasn't gonna make that mistake again.

Well, congratulations. I mean...

It's not every day a girl gets to see her guts splattered into a million pieces.

So, you're okay that I beat you?

You gave me your best shot and that's all I ever wanted.

Joan, what are you doing up there?

I'm showing you punks you don't want to mess with the Mall Cop Mauler.

You can't handle this.

[Yelling]

Whoa!

You know you have to put a dollar in, right?

Oh. Forget that.

Kickin' it with you!

Okay Jack...

Now that we're gonna spar for real, let's see what you got.

All right, but I really don't want to hurt you, okay?

Why? I'm okay with hurting you.

- [Yelling] - Kickin' it with you!

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