Original subtitles

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Last day of school. Woo!

Until summer school. Woo.

I've gotta find a way to get my Venus Fly Trap home for the summer.

It's just a plant, dude. Take it home.

I've been growing it hydroponically with a synthetic photosynthesis

light since the first day of school, and it's pretty huge.

It's not even eating flies anymore. It's eating meatballs.

[Scoffs]

Right. A plant that eats meatballs.

[Plant belches]

Yep, that's definitely a meatball.

Hey, did you guys get your end-of-the-year

career evaluations from the guidance counselor?

Yes, I did, and they're a joke.

Mine says I'm best suited to be a farmer.

I'm allergic to cows, terrified of hay, and seriously...

Do these shoulders look like they can hold up overalls?

I didn't even pick mine up. No one believes a word those things say.

I just got my career evaluation.

I believe every word that this thing says.

- Really? - Yep.

You're looking at a new Eddie. I'm gonna be an archaeologist, baby.

I'll be discovering lost cities, traveling the high seas, navigating the globe.

And now... to Spanish class!

Uh, Eddie, your Spanish class is that way.

I knew that.

[Rock music playing]

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

That's just how we do.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Here we go, let's start the party!

Chop it up like it's karate.

Everybody!

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

That's just how we do.

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Wow, Eddie, I'm really impressed. I've never seen you so focused before.

That's because I'm taking it seriously.

One day, martial arts is going to help me avoid getting wedgied by a mummy.

You know, I was wedgied by a mummy once.

Halloween, 1995.

Oh, no.

It was so intense, I blacked out.

When I woke up, all my candy was gone

except for two Jolly Woppers shoved up my nose.

Rudy, I'm talking about actual mummies.

We got our career evaluations back from the guidance counselor,

and it said I'm going to be an archaeologist.

Don't they just dust sand off old bones in the desert?

That's not what I'm going to be doing.

[Adventurous music]

[Whip cracks]

What in the...?

Ewe!

Wow, a treasure hunter?

What a cool career.

But for the record, mummies wear tighty-whities.

Oh.

Hey, you know what...

I have the hat and bullwhip from the Bobby Wasabi classic...

"The stink of the sphinx". You can totally have it.

What?! Thanks!

Eddie, are you still talking about your career evaluation?

I told you, man, it doesn't really mean anything.

Seriously? Archaeologist?

You come from four generations of accountants.

That is not true. My grandfather was a urologist.

Eddie, you're not exactly the explorer type.

Remember that Easter egg hunt?

You didn't find any eggs and you lost your basket.

I didn't lose it. Someone stole it.

And ate all my Peeps.

Eddie, man, maybe you're just looking at it all the wrong way.

Accounting can be exciting.

Oh, and don't even get me started about the thrill ride of urology.

Maybe you guys are right.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Thanks anyway, Rudy, but I won't be needing that.

What was that?

What?

I have never seen Eddie more alive

than when he was talking about being a treasure hunter.

And what did you do?

You told him he was destined to be an accountant.

But, Rudy, you don't understand, he thought those career evaluations were real.

It doesn't matter if they're real or not. They're real to him.

Friends build each other up. They don't tear each other down.

I thought I taught you better.

[Cricket chirping]

There's that noise! I must find it!

Oh, oh... thank you! See you next time.

Rudy, you must help me.

There's a noise in here that is driving everyone crazy and ruining the business.

That would be your voice.

[Cricket chirping]

Oh, no. That's just a cricket.

Oh! [Chuckles]

What is a "cricklet"?

No, no, no. It's a cricket.

It's a small bug that makes noise by rubbing its legs together.

Oh, I had an uncle like that.

One winter he wore corduroys and set the whole village on fire.

You know, I could help you, Phil.

In certain circles, I'm known as "the cricket whisperer".

[Trills tongue] [Cricket chirps]

[Trills tongue] [Cricket chirps]

What did he say?

He thinks your two-star rating is very generous.

Oh, look... there's a little nail hole. Let me see if I can spot him.

Oww! He just plucked my eyebrow.

[Gasps]

Okay, when Eddie gets in here, we all have to act excited about the gift.

That gift's lame, yo. I'll "woo," but my heart won't be in it.

You'll "woo" like you always do.

Do not tell a grown man how to "woo".

Look, guys, we owe it to Eddie to get him excited about his future again.

[Door opens]

Hey, guys.

- Eddie. - Hey! Eddie! [Chuckles]

You know, we were thinking...

Maybe you could be a great treasure hunter and find all kinds of stuff.

And you know why?

- No, why? - Pfft...

You found your way here, didn't you?

And Jerry can't always do that.

So we all chipped in and bought you this.

It's a hand-held geocaching unit.

Geocaching?

No, it's not geocaching.

It's geocaching! High-tech treasure hunting.

Everyone's doing it.

"This GPS device leads you on a journey"

"using clues and coordinates to find hidden treasure".

"Fun for ages 9 to 99".

That's you!

You guys really think I can do this?

- Yeah, man. - Absolutely.

This might be the best gift I've ever got.

Eddie, let your adventure begin.

We're really excited for you.

Aren't we, Jerry?

Yeah. Sure are, man. [Weakly] Woo.

Woo! [Chuckles]

- Cool, man. - Yeah.

This right here is gonna be our lucky hole.

Trust me, Phil... if there's one thing I know, it's how to fish for a cricket.

You just take a little wadded-up bread, some peanut butter, some 40-pound line...

Then you drop it in and wait.

[Chuckling] Oh, Rudy. You get him this time.

You get that little "cricklet"!

And here we go.

[Cricket chirping]

You know, I caught one in Phoenix once, it was this...

Big.

- Oh! I'm getting a little bite. - Hey, don't rush it, Rudy.

- Let him take the bait. - Oh, here we go.

Here we go! And...

- I got him! - [Groans]

- Woo! It's a big one. - [Whimpers] Stupid little "cricklet".

Oww! [Groaning]

Finally school is out.

First day of summer vacation.

We should not waste a single second doing anything we don't want to do.

No.

I hope you guys know your latitude from your longitude.

Because Saturday we go on a geocaching romp!

I'm sorry, did you say "we"?

Yes, I did. 6:00 A.M. sharp.

We set out to find three secret locations,

and in the last one, we'll find our hidden treasure.

[All murmur and mutter]

No...

It wouldn't be the same without you.

Uh...

Sorry, Eddie. I can't. See... see, the thing is, uh, my aunt Carlita,

who's a clown in the circus.

She... she... she fell off an elephant!

Into... into one of those tiger cage things, so...

I've gotta take her to her doctor's appointment.

Yeah.

Jerry, we're all gonna do this for our friend who we support.

- All right. - Yeah.

Eddie: Oh! I got some really cool gear for you guys to wear.

It's in this duffel bag. So I will see you Saturday.

Our first location is at the bottom of Crescent Cove at the beach.

Let the adventure begin!

- All: Yeah! - So excited.

[All muttering]

- Summer! - Seriously.

Ooh! Sorry, aunt Carlita.

No can do.

[Honking]

Kickin' it with you!

Jerry: Hold the rope tight, y'all. I'm coming down.

Man, I still don't get why he's wearing a dress.

It's a caftan. It's traditional desert wear.

All: Oh!

Would it kill him to wear some traditional underpants?

Kinda like wearing this thing.

It lets the rest of Jerry breathe.

[Machine blips]

Oh, ho! This must be the spot. The GPS is flashing us a clue.

GPS: You're doing well. You're on the case.

What you seek's between a rock and a hard place.

[British accent] Woo! This is ever so exciting.

It reminds me of the long, cold nights in the Congo...

Where the only things keeping you warm were a sleeping bag and a hyena.

If you don't stop doing that voice, I'm gonna shove that monocle up your nose.

[Normal voice] I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get into character for Eddie.

- I suggest you do the same. - [Sighs]

[British accent] Americans. So obnoxious.

Wait... Kim, why'd you stop?

Kim: Guys, I found a falcon's nest. It's full of little baby falcons.

Ooh, you are so cute!

- [Wings flapping] [Birds screeching] - Yes, you are.

Kim, darling, their mumsy's back and she appears to be a tad peeved.

- Aah! Get off me. Stop it! - Oh, dear.

[Kim screams]

Whoa!

[Coughing]

Those cute baby birds messed you up, didn't they?

Yes, they did. Yes, they did.

Why don't you shut it?

Guys, I think I got it.

Cool. Our next coordinates.

[Machine blips]

It looks like our next location is over in Kramer Woods.

Come on, let's go.

[Gurgling]

Ewe! What are those disgusting things?

By jove, I do believe those are giant springing jellyfish.

Ooh, they must have washed in with the tide.

Why do they call 'em "springing"?

Aah! [Screaming]

Aah! Aah!

I'm guessing that's why.

[Laughing]

So what is this thing, Rudy?

It's a bug zapper.

As soon as I plug it in, the cricket will be attracted to the light,

and as soon as it touches the metal grate, bam... it gets zapped.

Ha ha! Stupid "cricklets"!

[Laughs]

[Zapper hums]

Oh! Well, I will say this about the light...

It is very nice.

With its inviting purply glow...

So peaceful...

[Electrical zapping] [Screaming]

Why did you do that?!

I don't know, Rudy! I think I might be part "cricklet".

[Whimpering]

This is hopeless. All right? We're never going to catch that thing. I give up!

[Cricket chirping]

Rudy! The counter!

- [Both exclaim] - I got him!

- [Screams] - [Yelps]

[Shouts and whimpers]

Way to go, Jack... your first kiss was with a sea creature.

Touche, old girl!

[Machine blips]

Quiet, guys. It's our next clue.

GPS: You're in the right area. The moment's yours to seize.

The tin with the coordinates is hidden amongst the trees.

Amongst the...?

Well, how are we supposed to find that? There's, like, a million trees around here.

We'll find it. We just need to split up.

Kim, you come with me. And you guys look around here.

Are you kidding me?

Hey, guys... look up there.

- Where? - Right up there.

Look, there's something shiny in that knothole, I bet it's the tin box.

Good show, old chap.

But how in the figgy pudding are we going to get up there?

You know, early man believed trees could speak.

You just have to know how to listen.

Go ahead, tree. I'm listening.

- Eddie... - Ooh, we got a talker.

Do you have any idea where the tin box is?

Stop acting like an idiot.

Well, this conversation is over!

[Groans]

All right. So we'll hold the branch down,

while you crawl up it to see if the box is there.

Brilliant. But do hold it steady.

There's a good bit of tension on this branch.

We got it, Milton.

Whoa! Okay, that's not good.

What's your problem?

Uh, I think a chipmunk just ran up my dress.

- [Shrieking] - Jerry!

It's foraging, and not in a good way.

- Jerry! - Oh!

Jerry, I'm losing my grip.

Blimey!

Woo! Jack! Help me get this chipmunk out of my dress, man.

Ow! Ow! Ah!

I'm... I'm good, thanks.

[Whimpering]

Eddie, would you help me? The tin box isn't just gonna fall out of the sky.

[Milton shouts, groans]

I've got it.

Kickin' it with you!

[Strumming ukulele] Yes, we have journeyed long and hard to return you to the wild...

For this is your world, a world we know not.

[Vocalizing]

And although you almost destroyed us...

And Phil's Restaurant.

You've proven to be a worthy adversary.

- Ah, ah... - And we respect you.

- So go now! - [Louder vocalizing]

Return to your kind, and be... would you please stop that?!

Sorry! Sorry.

May your legs always rub a song of freedom.

Rudy, it's on your nose.

I'll get it.

[Both groan]

It's still there, Rudy. Let me get my cello.

Um... Eddie, are you sure we're in the right place?

We're in a dockyard.

Yeah, it really doesn't look like the place for...

Anything. Eddie's got this. [Machine blips] Pssh! Doubting him.

GPS: You've found the dock, succeeding beyond all measure.

Near one of these crates lies your hidden treasure.

All right. Where do we start?

Okay, here's what we're gonna do... Kim, Milton...

Check it out, guys.

Another bunch of losers down here on our docks looking for their little box.

You're not getting it.

Mister...

My friends and I have been through a lot to get that.

And I know it seems like a silly game to you, but we're not leaving without it.

Really?

And what are you gonna do to get it?

[Adventurous music]

[Both groan]

Okay, it may be time to dance.

Uh, Jack, I don't think that's a good idea.

I think we should fight these guys. I'll dance with you later, though.

[Shouts, groans]

[Groans]

[Grunts]

Want to learn a Fisherman's knot?

First you take it right here, then you slip it through here.

Then it's time to hoist the jib.

[Thuds]

[Grunting]

[Loud thud]

You guys want this box so bad, you should go fish it out of the ocean.

[Groans]

[Dramatic music]

All: Eddie!

[Water splashes]

Poor bloke. Never even had a chance.

He didn't even have his floaties.

[Coughing]

- Oh! Oh, come on. - Eddie!

- Oh! - Eddie!

We thought you fell into the ocean.

I wish. I fell into a barge filled with fish guts.

Lucky!

I can't believe we came this close to getting our treasure.

And all I got was a close encounter with Jerry's chipmunk.

Yeah...

It'd be a real shame to have gone through all of that without ending up with...

This!

[All cheering]

- [All groaning] - Not gonna work.

[Muttering]

Totally...

- Open it! Open it! - Okay.

[Gasps]

[All exclaim]

- That's awesome! - Isn't it amazing?

- Love it! - Yes!

Hey, guys. How was geocaching?

Well, I got covered in fish guts.

I was attacked by a falcon.

I had a chipmunk run up my dress.

I was a human cannonball.

And I got to first base with a jellyfish.

- That sounds horrible. - No way. Best summer vacation ever.

[Overlapping chatter]

And check out our treasure.

[All cheer]

That's it? It's a...

Crummy rubber rabbit.

Oh, there's money inside it, right?

No.

The rabbit is the treasure.

A reminder of the adventure I went on...

With my friends.

But there's money in it, right?

You know what, Eddie?

After today, we'll follow you on any adventure you wanna go on.

Right, guys?

- Absolutely. - Definitely. Of course.

Yeah. Thanks.

- [Chuckles] - All right.

- Let's go. - Now come on, guys. Falafel's on me.

- Ooh, I'm loving that. - Ooh, I like falafel. Let's do that.

[Cricket chirps]

Kickin' it with you.

So this little rubber rabbit was the treasure?

Yeah. And here's my theory...

Inside the rabbit is a microchip with a bank account number.

- So genius. - Mm hmm.

And you take that number, you punch it into a computer,

and it's up-linked to a satellite.

[Cricket chirps]

Now that satellite transmits it to a database in China, where it...

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