Original subtitles

Kiai! Kiai.

Kiai!

Wow Jack, how do you do that?

It comes from inside me, it's my Kiai.

The boy's in my family get their Kiai's removed, it's tradition.

A Kiai is the sound you make when you release the power of your inner self.

Come on, guys! Free your inner beast.

Kiai!

Kiai!

Koo...

[Laughing]

Your inner beast sounds like a sick dove.

Gah!

Oh, are you and Rudy ready for the big Sensei-Student tournament this week?

Totally, and since I'll be competing with Rudy, I've been training my butt off.

Dude, our timing during the routine has to be perfect. You know how competitive he is.

Jack, I hope you're prepared for our trip to San Francisco, because I know I am.

I found my rubber vomit, and my deluxe whoopee cushion.

What makes it deluxe?

[Fart sound]

- Oh! - Ugh!

The smell.

Rudy you're not taking this competition seriously, don't you wanna win?

Come on, let's just go and have fun, make some memories.

Road trip!

Alright see you later guys. I got a little pre-anniversary gift for Julie.

I made a chocolate rose by hand.

What happened to my rose?

Oh dude, it looks like someone ate the head off it.

My rose! My sweet rose!

[Panting]

Ah! Ha!

Yah!

Oh!

You just met my inner beast.

Oh, dude Eddie ate some of your rose too.

[Grunts]

- [Yelling] - Ah!

[Rock music playing]

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

- That's just how we do. - Come on!

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Here we go, let's start the party!

Chop it up like it's karate.

Everybody!

- Don't... - Don't...

- You... - You...

Get all tough with me!

I'm saying...

- Won't... - Won't...

- You... - You...

Come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall!

- That's just how we do. - Come on!

And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

- Woo hoo look at this! - Yeah.

- Pretty sweet, huh Jack? - Mm hmm.

Uh...

I think you left a bag out in the hall.

Nice room.

Okay, we'll unpack,

have a great night's sleep then hit the ground running in the morning.

- I just need one drawer, you can have... - Don't need it.

What are you doing?

These hotel movie prices are outrageous!

That's why I always bring my own satellite dish.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

I do it all the time.

[Crashing] [Electrical pop]

[Glass shattering] [Car alarm]

Milton, do you like my special anniversary card?

Yeah it's really sweet.

And big.

As big as my love for you.

I'll treasure it always.

- Hey guys what's up? - We just came from Spanish.

Jerry's bummed because he failed another test.

Which is kind of weird, because I speak it fluently.

[Speaking Spanish]

What does that mean?

Well how am I supposed to know, I just told you I'm failing Spanish.

Forget Spanish, I've got girl problems.

- Girls don't even talk to you. - That's the problem.

You know what your problem is? You lack confidence.

When you ask a girl out, make her feel that if she doesn't go out with you...

It's her loss.

And you, you speak the language, don't look at it as taking a test...

Look at it as if you're having a conversation with a piece of paper.

Hey that might actually work.

Milton, where's all this great advice coming from?

I don't know.

But yesterday when I did that Kiai, I think I woke up my inner voice.

Now I see everything so clearly.

Kiai! Oh.

Ah!

I think I tore my Kiai.

[Slurping loudly]

[ Kung Fu movie on TV ]

Oh.

[Wind chimes clanging]

Rudy! What the heck are you doing?

Oh, having trouble sleeping huh? Me too.

- See what's on TV? - I don't care what's on TV...

Whoa! It's Bobby Wasabi in "The Big Book Beat-Down".

Yeah, I love this part,

this is where he takes out the evil librarians with an almanac.

Both: "No, you're overdue sister".

Here we go Bobby and his partner are about to

pull off the greatest karate move of all time.

Both: The Wasabi Whip.

Here it comes, they run at each other, they lock Nun chucks...

Whoa, dude they're airborne!

You know if we did that move in competition...

- We would... - Be dead.

That move is practically impossible.

Bobby trained for over ten years, and was still only able to do it one time.

Look it's almost time to get up, we should probably get to bed.

What's that?

Well sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep in hotels...

This little machine makes a bunch of different soothing sounds.

"The calming beaches of Mexico", my favorite.

[Sounds of waves]

[ La Cucaracha plays ]

Kickin' it with you.

Dude I took your advice, and look what I got on my Spanish test.

She gave me two stacked up "D"'s.

Jerry, that's not two stacked up "D"s, that's a "B".

Whoa!

A "B"?

Tonight, it's just the two us.

Double feature, and that means back to back Eddie.

[Clicks tongue]

Ah!

Ever since I took your advice, I can't keep the girls at school away.

Dude, everybody's talking about how you changed us.

- Check it out! - Yeah.

They all want your advice.

That's the power of my inner voice. I really have unleashed my beast.

There you are,

I wanted to talk to you about our anniversary dinner tomorrow night.

I would love to talk with you Julie.

But you're going to have to go to the back of the line.

What?

Hello I'm Milton, how can I fix you?

Gah!

Trent Darby, checking in to the penthouse.

[Bell rings]

- Trent Darby? - I don't believe it.

Little Rudy Gillespie.

You got a job here! Good for you!

Be careful with our bags.

Oh! No, no I don't work here.

So what are doing in town?

We were on our way to the Grandmaster Championship's in Japan,

and we thought we'd drop in and grab a quick trophy,

at the Sensei-Student tournament.

This is Donnie my best student he's a master of the ** discipline.

Uh well, this is my best student Jack...

And he is also a master of the maraheshee...

Mooshu... mooshe... hesu...

He does that too!

Hyah!

Oh! You two are here to compete?

Ha ha ha!

You never learn do you Rudy?

This is gonna be great. Ha ha ha!

That guy seems like a jerk, it's going to be great to compete against him right Rudy?

Oh, were not going to be competing against him.

- Why? - Because we're checking out!

Check out! Check out! Check out!

Just because you ran into some jerk from your past,

you're gonna quit the tournament march down to the lobby and walk out the front door.

Of course not, you're gonna zip me in your suitcase and throw me out the window.

You've always said you don't run away from a challenge, you face it head on.

You shouldn't listen to me, I just asked you to throw me out the window.

What is it about this guy?

Trent Darby stole my life.

Look, my girlfriend Lenore is sitting over there.

So I'm going to show off for her, and destroy you!

My fists are going to be flying so fast you'll never even...

Oh!

Why am I on the ground?

My girlfriend Lenore and I, are kind of going through a little bit of a thing.

So I'm going to be taking my anger out on your face!

- Ya! - Oh!

I'm on the ground again aren't I?

My girlfriend is clearly now your girlfriend.

So I was really hoping that you could take it easy on me because...

My self-esteem is at an all time low...

Thanks for listening.

After beating me, his life took off.

You know he got all the confidence, the string of dojos.

And the Lenore.

And I wound up...

Where I am.

There's nothing wrong with where you are.

You're a great Sensei, and you mean everything to your students.

You know what, we're going to stay right here and do the best we can.

Together.

You know what Jack?

You're right.

Thank you that is exactly the kind of pep talk that I needed.

[Farting sound]

You really need to get rid of that whoopee cushion.

Yes, because that was definitely the whoopee cushion.

Kickin' it with you.

Where have you been?

Only selling out my first seminar.

It's going to be right here tomorrow night in the dojo.

It's called "holla, at your inner winner".

What? Tomorrows our anniversary.

You gotta understand. Milton doesn't just belong to you guys anymore.

Milton belongs to the world.

Now that my inner beast is released, I've become a strong independent warrior!

[Phone beeps]

Mommy, could you pick me up? My bike has a flat.

Well then what do I pay you for?

[Grunting]

Come on Jack! We've been over, and over, and over, this!

- Where are your toes? - On my feet?

No, see your toes are pointed toward Canada,

and my toes are pointed towards Memphis.

Well how about we compromise and have our toes and meet in, Cleveland?

[Laughing]

What are you laughing at?

I know we're hideous, get out!

I know you're stressed about beating Trent but,

dude what happened to the guy who wanted to

come and have some fun and make some memories?

That guy's dead, and your toes killed him.

You convinced me, that we could compete.

- I'm doing the best I can. - Well your best isn't good enough!

You're an embarrassment.

I'm the embarrassment?

- I'm outta here. - Fine!

Fine! Walk away!

Hey, there's the guy...

Come here.

Listen uh, do you know how to use Nun chucks, and break a board?

And would you mind if I get a quick little peek at your toes?

[Drum roll, fanfare]

[Audience cheers]

Kiai!

Can I get a holla?

Holla!

Yeah!

Why is a mouse a mouse?

Because he squeaks.

Why is a lion a lion?

Because he roars!

Which is lion for "holla"!

Holla!

Yes! I can bring it out of you.

- I can! Do you trust me? - Mm hmm.

Do you? Well I trust you! Front row catch me.

[Thud]

I'm okay.

Holla!

[Grunting]

[Yells]

Hello Lenore.

I see you've really let yourself go.

Nice! We got the high score.

Nice?

You cost us the perfect score! You didn't have full extension on your side kicks.

We came here to show these losers what perfection looks like.

You're an embarrassment.

None should talk to you like that.

No one should talk to anyone like that.

Thanks but, I don't really care what he says, I mean...

He's my Sensei, not my friend.

Jack! I'm so glad you're here.

I'm not a quitter, if I start something I finish it.

Look, I said something that I never should have said.

You're not the embarrassment.

I'm the embarrassment.

Rudy...

Even though you sometimes turn into a flaming nutcase...

I know you're always going to be there for me.

And I'm always going to be there for you.

Thanks Jack.

Uh, you know if we get a perfect score we could still win this.

We just have to do something they've never seen before.

Are you thinking, what I'm thinking?

The Wasabi Whip.

Oh.

I was thinking man tassels, but the Wasabi Whip is good!

Do you really think we can do it?

Rudy we've seen that movie a hundred times,

when you and I work together nothing's impossible.

What the heck is a man tassel?

Holla! Holla! Holla!

All right!

Let's take a question from a winner in waiting!

Uh...

You, you in the back. I can't see you but go ahead.

I have a boyfriend,

and because of his new success he no longer has time for me in his life.

Or his friends.

Yeah, he's turned into a real snot-donkey!

Sometimes you've got to be a hotel operator

and give snot-donkey's in your life a wake-up call.

- Can I get a holla? - Holla!

You've got to remind this guy of what's important to him.

In fact give this jerk a call right now.

Do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now!

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

I miss you jerk.

- Julie? - You're not a nice person anymore.

I want the old Milton back.

- We all do. - Yeah.

What have I done?

They're talking about me ladies and gentlemen.

You see this ponytail? Like me...

It's a fake.

[Crowd gasps]

Guys I'm sorry.

I got so wrapped up in thinking I could fix everybody else's life,

that I forgot what was important to me...

My friends.

Here's the difference between these people and you...

You guys, I know I can trust.

[Thud]

- Hey you wanna go catch a movie? - Sounds good.

- I had that coming didn't I? - Little bit.

If you're still willing,

I'd like to take you to a romantic anniversary dinner at Cheesy Chads.

Order anything you want, I just made $19,000.

Holla!

Trent and Donnie are still in the lead as we give it up for our final competitors...

Team Wasabi!

[Grunts]

[Yells]

[Grunts]

[Yells]

[Rock music]

Go!

Woo! Yeah!

Oh!

- I'm losing my grip! - Don't worry I've got you.

- No I don't! - Whoa!

Ah!

Whoa!

Ow!

He broke my nose Lenore!

Ah! My beautiful, beautiful nose!

Ah!

Rudy, you okay buddy?

[Laughing]

I guess it didn't work out too well did it?

No, not even a little bit.

Dude, I don't care that Trent beat us, we had fun!

This whole trip was all about making memories and we just made a great one.

- Give me some. - Mm.

Oh!

Yeah!

Ladies and gentlemen team Wasabi just recorded the

lowest score in the history of this tournament.

- Yeah! - Yeah, we did!

You hear that people, what do you think of that, come on?

You people just witnesses some history, lowest score ever! Team Wasabi, give it up!

- Yeah! - Wasabi!

Wasabi! Wasabi!

Wasabi! Wasabi!

Wasabi!

Kickin' it with you.

Our bill is $4,000?

What?

I told you not to order another juice with breakfast!

- Yeah. - Give me that!

Mm, room service $1,500.

- Oh! - $1,100 for a new TV.

$1,400 for volleyball net remove... no, this seems about right.

What are we going to do?

- Oh, hey guys. - Milton?

Dude what are you doing here?

I've been to an away tournament with Rudy before.

I know how expensive things can get.

Let me see.

Oh, this is a cheap one.

Now, let's see...

You know what? Just keep the change.

Alright boys lets go home, I have a helicopter waiting.

Holla!

Hey! Come on!

Kickin' it with you.

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