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1
00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:12,990
Boy, this chinese food is terrible.
2
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Well, what'd you expect from a place called "the scabby dragon"?
3
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I'll take one of these fortune cookies.
4
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Hard to mess them up.
5
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"you are about to embark on an exciting journey."
6
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Oh sweet, dude. That's a good one.
7
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These fortunes are just a dumb gimmick
8
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to take your mind off how the cookies look
9
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and taste like an old man's ear.
10
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I can't tell you how I know this,
11
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But they taste nothing like an old man's ear.
12
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"A surprise will fall from the sky."
13
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"Your carelessness will harm a friend."
14
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"You have a nose for trou--"
15
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- Sound it out.
- "trouble."
16
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Aw, check out that squirrel up there, cute little fella.
17
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Get it off!
18
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Dude, chill. Oh!
19
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Wait a minute.
20
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"a surprise will fall from the sky."
21
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I will harm a friend.
22
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And my nose is definitely in trouble.
23
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Guys, you're not gonna believe this!
24
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Jack just found out he's going to China!
25
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- The journey.
- The cookies.
26
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Don't you get all tough with me
27
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I'm saying won't you come kick it with me?
28
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And we could have a ball, run up the wall
29
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That's just how we do
30
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And no matter how much I chop and punch
31
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It's not as cool as kickin' it with you
32
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Here we go, let's start the party
33
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Chop it up like it's karate
34
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Everybody
35
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Don't you get all tough with me
36
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I'm saying won't you come kick it with me
37
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And we could have a ball, run up the wall
38
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That's just how we do
39
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And no matter how much I chop and punch
40
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It's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
41
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Kickin' It S01E19 Kickin' It in China
42
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I cannot believe this.
43
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I am going to the Junior World Martial Arts
44
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Championships in China!
45
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I was gonna go, but I'm not what they call, you know,
46
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Good.
47
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Guys, I've been dreaming about this tournament
48
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since I got in the martial arts
49
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How did this happen?
50
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Mm, I may know how it happened.
51
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I might have taken it upon myself
52
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to write a letter about a certain student
53
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And possibly sent it to, oh I don't know, China.
54
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Dude, this is important. Try to remember.
55
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Did you do it or not?
56
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Of course I did it.
57
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Jack's amazing. He's undefeated.
58
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He's never lost a match in his life.
59
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Rudy,
60
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Can I talk to you outside for a second?
61
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Guys, this fortune cookie thing is freaking me out.
62
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Every one of them came true.
63
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It's scientifically impossible for a piece of paper
64
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in a random pastry to predict the future.
65
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There's one left.
66
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- That magic cookie is mine.
- No, I had it first!
67
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- No!
- I got it.
68
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- Dude!
- You're--
69
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- What?
- You're eating the fortune!
70
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Here.
71
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- "you will find a great treasure in--"
- in what?!
72
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In Jerry's stomach,
73
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Because that's where the rest of this is.
74
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Way to go, jerry!
75
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Wait, I can get it out.
76
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I did this when I swallowed my retainer.
77
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Forget it!
78
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Rudy, not everything you told those people about me was true.
79
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Please, everybody stretches the truth.
80
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I do it all the time on my online dating profile.
81
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I'm not really a bathing suit model.
82
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Rudy, I'm not undefeated.
83
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A kid named Kai beat me so badly
84
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I gave up karate till I came here.
85
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:09,670
Jack, it doesn't matter. You deserve this.
86
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And that's why they sent you
87
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two first-class tickets to china.
88
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You get to bring someone--
89
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An adult, a mentor, perhaps someone
90
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,710
who is both here and a man.
91
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It'd be great if we could all go.
92
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Wait, first-class tickets are really expensive.
93
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,790
maybe I could trade them in for six coach tickets.
94
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It's settled. Jack and I are going alone first-class--
95
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Endless legroom,
96
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Our own entertainment systems
97
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And hot nuts.
98
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I'm just saying, it'd be great if we could all--
99
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I said hot nuts, Kim!
100
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Guys, we're all going to China!
101
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,530
All right, this is amazing!
102
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:09,460
We are actually standing on the great wall of china.
103
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Just think, thousands of years ago
104
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The emperor could've stood right here,
105
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Leaned out over the edge of the wall and yelled,
106
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"you darn kids aren't getting your ball back!"
107
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This thing is over 3700 miles long.
108
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,810
The biggest landmark back in Seaford is the water tower
109
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Somebody spray-painted "fart" on.
110
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Well, this wall is awesome,
111
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But you know what else is awesome?
112
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Cookies with fortunes that come true.
113
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So we're gonna head over to the Panda Moon Cookie Company.
114
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It turns out it's just a few miles from here.
115
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Once we get the other half of that fortune,
116
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We'll be able to find where our treasure is.
117
00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:46,830
Guys, jack's tournament starts in a couple of hours.
Don't get lost.
118
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Don't worry, we won't be late.
I found a great cab driver.
119
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why old lady sitting in car eating cake?!
120
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Drive, lady! Eat faster!
121
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oh great, now stupid yak!
122
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- He blocked whole street! Move your butt, hairy beast! -
123
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- Hi-yah!
- This guy's gonna get us killed.
124
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Yaks don't get angry, Jerry.
125
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They're very calm, docile creatu--
126
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Ah yeah, he-- no, he's angry.
127
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Get down, get down, get down.
128
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Yak attack. Get down.
129
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Move out of the way, beast.
130
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,770
Ugh, did you see that?
131
00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:28,840
Did I see that?! A yak just tried getting in our car!
132
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,910
But we're all good now.
133
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:35,580
Oh, it's fiancee's ex-boyfriend Zack.
134
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:37,590
Get down! Zack attack!
135
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:38,850
What?!
136
00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:42,790
Both zack and yak attacks will be reflected in your tip.
137
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,660
Who's the man? You're the man! Say it!
138
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You're the man.
139
00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:53,470
Right! No no no, I'm not the man.
140
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,700
You're the man. I'm just a man.
141
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,870
Just a man in a world of men
142
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- And some women--
- Hey, Jack. Jack, I was down at the market
143
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And I picked you up these Baoding stones.
144
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,810
Oh, kind of had my heart set
145
00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:06,820
on a glow-in-the-dark ninja bobblehead,
146
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:08,720
But no no, rocks are cool.
147
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:11,550
By rotating them in your hand,
148
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It will center you, build your chi and help you compete.
149
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Hey, can I see those for a second?
150
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What is wrong with you?!
151
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,600
Why don't you hop on your unicorn
152
00:07:21,630 --> 00:07:23,560
and ride to yoga class, moon princess?
153
00:07:24,670 --> 00:07:27,870
We don't need your magic rocks.
154
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:30,770
Right right. He needs you telling him
155
00:07:30,810 --> 00:07:33,570
"The pain train is on the jack track!"
156
00:07:33,610 --> 00:07:34,880
What does that even mean?
157
00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:37,540
It means that jack needs to come out swinging
158
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:39,580
And show them that this is his house!
159
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:49,620
Do you realize you just broke a thousand-year- old table?
160
00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:51,890
You've had that table for a thousand years?
161
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,830
You people ever hear of a garage sale?
162
00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:02,730
Why'd you stop?
163
00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:04,670
Hard to drive
164
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:07,570
and cry at the same time.
165
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,710
Tonight's my wedding night
166
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And I don't know what to do.
167
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:16,490
I don't know what to do either, man. I'm only 13.
168
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,860
I just got a text from the guys in my wedding party.
169
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They can't make it.
170
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And without three men to stand with me,
171
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I can't get married!
172
00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:31,630
Guys, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
173
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Yeah.
174
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- Let's find another cab.
- Yeah.
175
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,800
Oh, please come stand with me.
176
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I love this girl.
177
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I don't know.
178
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:44,680
Uh, we've gotta get to the cookie factory
179
00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:46,810
And then we've gotta get back to Jack's tournament.
180
00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:48,920
This will be quick. I promise.
181
00:08:48,950 --> 00:08:51,450
All we need to do is get you dressed
182
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in traditional Chinese clothes.
183
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,790
I haven't worn this much makeup
184
00:08:56,820 --> 00:09:00,590
since I starred as cleopatra in the school play.
185
00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:03,800
- Why were you cle--
- Because I had the legs for it.
186
00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:07,430
I still don't get how elvis is part
187
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- of a chinese wedding.
- He's not.
188
00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:11,470
It was the only costume left.
189
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,410
It was either that or Santa Claus.
190
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,640
Shen, just glad we could help you out.
191
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Congratulations.
192
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,650
Congratulations to you guys too.
193
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,680
Wait. Why?
194
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,690
I couldn't marry my wife unless I found husbands for her sisters.
195
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,790
So congratulations, bro-in-laws.
196
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,840
Hey, can we wait, like, five minutes?
197
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,210
I'm sure my friends will be--
198
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:53,750
Or we can just go now.
199
00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:02,960
Yame.
200
00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:27,610
Let me guess-- priceless thousand-year-old vase.
201
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,580
Just put it on my tab.
202
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:44,700
-Yame.
- Yes!
203
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,770
Yes!
204
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,670
Jack, you did it! You're in the final!
205
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,910
Now as your sensei,
206
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:55,940
I know you look at me as the guy
that is responsible for your success,
207
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,580
But I want you to know that in some small way
208
00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:00,580
you're a part of it too.
209
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:01,810
Thanks, Rudy.
210
00:11:06,790 --> 00:11:08,860
- Get up, punk!
- Yame.
211
00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:10,860
Looks like the other semi-final is over.
212
00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:12,960
That's your opponent in the championship.
213
00:11:14,530 --> 00:11:15,700
That's kai.
214
00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:17,860
I saw your fights, jack.
215
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,770
Surprised to see you here.
216
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,600
I thought I'd swing by and pick up a trophy or two.
217
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,870
That's funny.
218
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,740
I thought I beat the karate out of you two years ago.
219
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,840
Well, I'm a better fighter than I was two years ago.
220
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,880
And your breath is worse.
221
00:11:31,910 --> 00:11:35,680
Listen, loser, this time when I take you down,
222
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,620
You're not getting back up.
223
00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:42,950
He's not afraid of you, Kai!
224
00:11:42,990 --> 00:11:44,690
Right, Jack?
225
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,960
Kim, I can't beat this guy.
226
00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:50,900
Jack, think about everything that I taught you.
227
00:11:50,930 --> 00:11:53,670
Think about everything your grandfather taught you.
228
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,600
He was a master sensei.
229
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,740
He taught the same things to Kai.
230
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,940
Kai's my cousin.
231
00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:10,790
You realneed to get some stronger furniture in here!
232
00:12:14,930 --> 00:12:16,080
What happened between you and kai?
233
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,930
We both studied with our grandfather,
234
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:22,140
But to kai it wasn't about honor and discipline.
235
00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:24,550
It was about intimidation and hurting people.
236
00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:25,900
Jack, it doesn't matter.
237
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:27,370
You can take him.
238
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,530
Yeah, you are not gonna give up on yourself,
239
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:31,940
Not after I flew all the way out here in coach,
240
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,440
stuck between a screaming baby
241
00:12:33,780 --> 00:12:35,360
and a man who cleaned himself with his tongue.
242
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:37,900
Maybe you guys are right.
243
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,990
My grandfather taught me to live by the Wasabi code.
244
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,730
We swear by the light of the dragon's eye
245
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to be loyal and honest and never say die.
246
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,870
Never say die, Jack.
247
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:51,710
I don't know if I can beat Kai,
248
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,740
But he's gonna know he's been in a fight.
249
00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:55,840
Why didn't you tell us Kai was your cousin?
250
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,650
My family were really embarrassed of Kai.
251
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,880
And my Uncle Carl wears flip-flops to the post office.
252
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,680
That's not so weird.
253
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,090
It is if that's all he wears.
254
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,860
You do not wanna know where he keeps his stamps.
255
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,660
Arriba! Arriba!
256
00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:24,010
Man, two thousand years old
257
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,980
And that toilet still flushes better than the one at the dojo.
258
00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:33,620
What?
259
00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,640
Come on!
260
00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:07,520
Oh, kai.
261
00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:09,620
- Thanks, man.
- Who were those guys?
262
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,550
I don't know. I kind of feel like a jerk.
263
00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:12,720
I thought you were one of them.
264
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,860
Come on, jack, we're still cousins.
265
00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:16,660
Who'd jump me like this?
266
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,990
You just beat four of the best fighters in the world.
267
00:14:19,030 --> 00:14:20,860
Some of them don't like to lose.
268
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,700
- Yeah.
- You're all right?
269
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:23,930
I don't know.
270
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:26,770
My hand really hurts.
271
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:36,850
Do you think we lost them?
272
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,980
- For now.
- This is all your fault.
273
00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:41,580
You're the one that said we needed to help Shen.
274
00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:43,790
Well, excuse me for having a heart.
275
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:45,860
Yeah? Well, because of your heart, we're lost, broke
276
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,590
and you two are dressed like idiots.
277
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,720
- Oh, I'm dressed like an idiot?
- Yeah!
278
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,630
- Have you seen yourself in the mirror?
- Guys.
279
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:52,660
Guys. Guys!
280
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:54,060
Check it out.
281
00:14:55,630 --> 00:14:57,730
It's the Panda Moon Cookie Company.
282
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,680
Jack, after a thorough examination of your hand...
283
00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:12,750
I'm afraid I have to be honest with you.
284
00:15:16,690 --> 00:15:19,990
Based on my diagnosis...
285
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,690
Rudy!
286
00:15:21,730 --> 00:15:22,960
Jack, your hand is broken.
287
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,960
You can't fight in the tournament tonight.
288
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,530
What? No no! No, I didn't come all the way out here to forfeit.
289
00:15:28,570 --> 00:15:29,970
I'm sorry.
290
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:37,840
I know thing's didn't turn out the way you wanted,
291
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,840
But you proved you belong here.
292
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:44,650
Right here with the best in the world.
293
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,920
I'm really proud of you.
294
00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:51,890
Now I'm just gonna walk behind those lockers
295
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,830
And if you hear what sounds like a grown man crying...
296
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:59,900
It's probably just the pipes.
297
00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:08,000
Stupid pipes.
298
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,550
We're closed. What do you want?
299
00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:22,780
We've come all the way from America just to see you, pei pei.
300
00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:24,890
Hey, what is this?
301
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,560
Am I getting the "Punk'd"?
302
00:16:28,590 --> 00:16:30,590
We need to know the rest of this fortune.
303
00:16:30,630 --> 00:16:34,530
"You will find the greatest treasure of all in--"
304
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,630
Oh, this riddle is impossible to solve.
305
00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:41,800
It would be easier to knock down the moon with a stick
306
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,770
or ride a dragon with-- oh wait, 418.
307
00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:47,580
I know this one.
308
00:16:47,610 --> 00:16:50,680
- You wanna know this? - Yeah, we do.
309
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:58,920
"You will find the greatest treasure of all in..."
310
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:01,550
416, 417,
311
00:17:01,590 --> 00:17:03,660
Ah! "your friends."
312
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,820
Yay! Oh, what?
313
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:07,760
Did you just say your friends?
314
00:17:07,790 --> 00:17:09,730
I don't know what you're trying to pull here,
315
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,930
But we're not leaving until we know where our treasure is, grandma!
316
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:28,980
I just got a text from the guys.
317
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:31,520
They said they're sorry I had to forfeit.
318
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,790
And they'll be here as soon as they ditch the wives.
319
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,890
What does that mean?
320
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,690
Uh, try to stay hip to the jive, Kim.
321
00:17:39,730 --> 00:17:41,800
"Ditch the wives" is what the kids today say
322
00:17:41,830 --> 00:17:43,670
when something is cool or rad.
323
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,840
Hey, Jack, check out that judge's beard.
324
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:49,670
It's so ditch the wives.
325
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:56,010
And now this year's junior world martial arts champion--
326
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:59,820
Kai. Would you please come up here?
327
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,720
I'm gonna go congratulate Kai.
328
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:15,930
Congratulations, Kai.
329
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,870
- This guy a friend of yours?
- Yeah. Why?
330
00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:21,840
'cause he's got the same tattoo as one of the guys that jumped me!
331
00:18:21,870 --> 00:18:24,840
Jack, you had a forfeit.
332
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,710
I won. Let it go.
333
00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:29,650
You won because you were afraid to fight me.
334
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,680
So you sent your friends to take me out.
335
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:33,520
You better watch your mouth.
336
00:18:33,550 --> 00:18:35,620
You're still just a little punk.
337
00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:38,950
And you're still a liar, a cheat and a coward.
338
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,890
But enjoy your trophy, champ.
339
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,930
That is so not ditch the wives!
340
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,570
Back up!
341
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,920
Okay, Jack, I'm sorry.
342
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,660
I'll admit it. I planned the attack against you.
343
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,760
Just don't let me fall.
344
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,660
Don't worry. I've got you, man.
345
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,770
- Come on. Get up.
346
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,770
Come on-- over.
347
00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:07,880
that proves you're weak.
348
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,750
I would've let you drop.
349
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,930
Okay. I think everybody saw
350
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,060
I was nowhere near that bench.
351
00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:28,870
See you next year, champ.
352
00:20:30,870 --> 00:20:34,770
Sorry we're late. You would not believe what we've been through.
353
00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:40,650
Ooh, it's the wife.
354
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,710
Ignore!
355
00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:49,600
So after all got you find out your great treature is in your friends.
356
00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:51,420
Yeah! Can you believe that?
357
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,860
I can. Look, you could have all the money in the world,
358
00:20:54,890 --> 00:20:57,800
But if you don't have what we have right here, you've got nothing.
359
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:01,700
- To friends
- To friends.
360
00:21:05,970 --> 00:21:08,710
Ah. So do you think your wife will be mad
361
00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:09,740
that you ditched her?
362
00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:12,050
Uh, excuse me, my wife has a name.
363
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,820
I may not know what it is, but she has a name.
364
00:21:14,850 --> 00:21:16,950
They're not our wives.
365
00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:18,790
We're 13, there were no rings
366
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,750
And one of us was dressed like elvis.
367
00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:22,660
Oh, really?
368
00:21:22,690 --> 00:21:24,660
You might want to tell them that.
369
00:21:28,930 --> 00:21:31,730
Honey, I can explain.
370
00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:34,870
Run.
371
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:39,470
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