Original subtitles

Finch, I need you to...

What are you doing?

Making a little movie in my head.

Ah, yes, Jill. You know, rumor has it she's interested

in somebody around here.

Hey, wait a minute. I'm around here. Could it be me?

I don't see how.

Well, it doesn't hurt to ask.

(HUMMING)

Hello, Jill.

Hi, French.

Finch.

So word around campus is you're kinda into me.

Nope.

Oh, it does hurt to ask.

So who is it, Elliott? That stupid Elliott?

I don't even want to know. Is it him?

Don't tell me. Is it him?

Actually, if you promise not to tell anyone...

It's her.

Her?

(STUTTERS)

I can trust you, right?

Sure.

I happen to know that she's been thinking about

expanding her playing field.

She told you that?

We're like best friends.

Really?

Oh, yeah. Hey, Maya, what are you...

What, are you carrying some papers there?

Huh?

Yeah. Okay then. Good stuff.

Yeah, she's fun. She's the best.

Maybe I'll just ask her out.

Hey, wait a second.

You don't want to scare her off, do you?

Remember your first time?

Yeah.

Oh my God, tell me about it.

Well, I mean...

Maybe the three of us should go out to dinner.

Why would I want you there?

Again, back to your first time.

Don't you think you would have felt more comfortable

if there was a third person there?

There was a third person there.

Holy...

French, are you okay?

So, three of us are on for tonight?

I still don't know why I'd want you there.

Jill, this is a big step for Maya.

Don't you think she'd be more comfy

taking that big step with her best friend there?

Okay. Let's do it.

Cool. I'll see what I can put together.

What did she... Can't talk!

Jack, quick question.

Dennis, did you know the president of Virgin Airlines

goes jogging with his mechanics?

I'll get right on that. Yeah.

Anyway... And the head of Intel,

one of his employees hit him in the face

with a pie at a company picnic.

I'm sure he deserved it. Anyway...

Dennis, you're missing the point.

Business Week says he's one of the guys,

the workers' pal.

Do I seem like one of the guys?

You're the boss, you tell me.

Well, would you feel comfortable throwing a pie at me?

More and more as this goes on.

Anyway, Maya wants to learn how to schmooze the models

so she wants to take one of them to dinner tonight. Okay?

Well, as long as she...

All right, I'll set it up.

Not now, busy!

Maya, Jack wants you to take Jill,

you know, one of the models, to dinner tonight.

Really?

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

But I don't deal with the models. Did he say why?

To schmooze her.

He wants you to take a more active role in the magazine,

expand your playing field.

And he wants me to tag along. So Bartini at 8:00?

All right. If he said so...

And wear something hot.

Jill! Hey, there you are.

Bumped into Maya.

You know, she's into it. So, tonight?

Eight-ish? Downstairs?

Really? Great.

Cool, see you there.

What are you up to?

Oh, not much.

Jill has a crush on Maya, and I'm playing matchmaker.

Why?

Why?

Call it a quest,

call it a dream,

but if I can be part of, adjacent to

or even hear about two women frolicking in the secret garden,

then I will not have lived my life in vain.

Well, that's all very fine and dandy,

but despite her fondness for Birkenstocks,

Maya is not into women.

Let me lay a little science on you, Nina.

All women are two drinks away from a girl-on-girl adventure.

According to who?

According to any movie on Cinemax After Dark.

Sorry, I'm late. My lunch date went on forever.

Maybe he was thinking of baseball.

(LAUGHING)

That's very funny, Elliott. Now hold still.

(LAUGHS)

Like you've got a reflection.

Okay, let me run this idea by you.

I've been thinking about adding a men's style section.

And I thought maybe I'd head it up myself.

What do you think?

Sounds like a winner.

Mmm, I'm on board.

Okay, knock it off.

Clearly I have my shirt hanging out of my fly,

I got toilet paper stuck to my shoe

and if I weren't the boss, you'd be all over me!

Very perceptive, chief.

Well, come on, I want everyone here

to think of me as just one of the guys.

So give me your best shot.

Nah.

No, go ahead. Sock it to me.

No, no. I... I don't think so.

Don't be shy. I want you to.

May we confer?

Please.

(WHISPERING)

Well, we got a good shot about Nina.

It involves my promiscuity.

Come on, you know what I mean.

Nina, you first. Let 'er rip!

Okay.

(STUTTERS)

Hey, where'd you get that striped tie?

The striped tie shop?

Okay. I admit I've got a striped tie on.

Not especially clever, but a good start. Elliott?

All right.

Well, you always go on about Donald Trump.

So, why don't you just marry him?

Ha! That's good. I do go on about Trump.

Okay, Jack Gallo is one of the guys,

spread the word.

More like spread the peanut butter, huh, tubby?

(LAUGHS)

Hey, nice vest, Jack.

Would you mind pulling my car around?

(LAUGHS)

Hey, Jack, it's almost noon.

Shouldn't you be getting married again?

Gold!

Hey, Jack, that shirt's a little wrinkled.

Kind of matches your face.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, Jack, can you turn your nose up to the sun?

I want to see what time it is.

Very good then...

You know, I'm not saying that you're a bad-golfing, gadget-buying...

Cradle-robbing. ...pompous bag of wind...

All righty!

I shouldn't be here.

I mean, what am I going to say to her?

I don't know how to schmooze models.

Just relax. Have a drink or two.

Something from the bar?

Sea Breeze.

And for you, sir?

That is for me, smart guy.

The lady will have a Brain Eraser, no ice.

That sounds kind of strong.

No, it's like ginger ale.

But don't put it near the candle.

Here she comes.

Give her a little kiss hello. It's very European.

She's from Wisconsin. She travels.

Hey!

Hi, Maya. Hey.

Good to see you, Jill.

You look great.

Oh, thank you. So do you.

I mean, of course you do. You're a model.

JILL: Well, thanks.

Oh, I saw the proofs from your shoot.

Really exquisite. Really beautiful.

Really quite exquisite.

Thanks again.

Can we get some drinks here!

You seem nervous.

Me? No.

It's just that, you know, I've never done this before.

It's my first time with a model.

Well, if it makes you feel any better

I was nervous about meeting you too.

You were? Yeah.

You're a beautiful, intelligent woman.

And I'm glad you decided to

"expand your playing field."

You're making this easy.

Just be gentle.

I will.

Are you sure you've never done this before?

No, and do you want to hear something really embarrassing?

I was practicing in front of the mirror all afternoon.

You don't have to be embarrassed.

And I want you to know up front, I'm glad to be here,

but I'm not really into all that butt-kissing.

(SNICKERING)

Oh, Finch, thanks for ordering those oysters.

They were great.

You want more?

Are you kidding?

Any more and someone's going to have to

help me out of these pants.

Dennis Finch? Beat it.

You have a phone call.

It's Mr. Gallo. He says it's urgent.

(GRUNTS)

How many times do I have to tell him

the VCR goes on three?

Be right back.

So, this has been fun.

Yeah, it has.

I don't know what I was so nervous about.

It's not like you're going to bite me or anything.

Not unless you want me to.

So, Maya, I was wondering...

Maybe, if you're not too tired,

we can go out after this.

When you say go out...

Or stay in.

That's what I thought you meant.

Listen, Jill, I'm really flattered, but I don't date women.

So why did Finch say that you wanted to?

He said that?

Oh, he is unbelievable!

Did he really think he was going to get us together?

Then he probably wasn't a real Navy SEAL, was he?

No.

Or the original Nicholas on Eight is Enough?

No, that one's true.

I can't believe he did that.

Men.

What is it about two women?

Actually, I kind of get it.

So what now?

How about we get him back?

All right, let's do it.

Great. You mean, get Finch back?

Yes, get Finch back.

Here he comes.

Give me a minute with him. I know what to do.

So how's my dad?

Oh, fine.

His cell phone was vibrating in his coat pocket,

he thought he was having a heart attack.

Be right back. Don't go away.

I won't.

Ooh.

(DENNIS SNICKERING)

So, I have to thank you,

I'm really getting a good vibe from her.

Hey, just seeing you two gals happy

is almost all the thanks I need.

I still feel like I owe you something.

Define owe.

Well... Do you like to watch?

I could take it or leave it.

Afternoon, Elliott.

Do you have to bring that foul-smelling thing in here?

It's not even lit.

I was talking to the cigar.

Nina.

Nice hair.

Thanks. In your ears.

Hey, Jensen.

Hey, Jackass.

You wanted to see me.

Close the door.

Uh-oh.

Finch, did you know Jill made a move on me last night?

Well, that doesn't make any sense. You're both women.

I think that's the point.

This damn city.

The thing is, I liked it.

Say what?

The thing is, I haven't felt this way

since sophomore year of college.

You know, just me and my sorority sisters.

A pillow fight,

an innocent tug on a Babydoll nightie.

(MUMBLING)

A dare taken too far...

Lotion.

Anyway, I have a favor to ask.

And I know this will sound weird, but...

Oh, I can't even say it.

Say it!

I mean, I'm here for you.

Well, Jill and I are going out again tonight,

and who knows what's going to happen?

And for some strange reason,

I would just feel more comfortable if you were there.

Holy crap.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Is this a bad time?

It's the best time of my life.

Hey, you. Hey, you.

Listen, I've got some bad news.

I have to cancel dinner tonight.

No!

How come?

Well, I have to fly off to Japan tomorrow

and I just have too much to do.

I'll be gone for months.

Oh, well. Too bad.

That's quitter talk. How much can you have to do?

A lot. Look at this list.

Renew passport. That's easy.

Get Dad leather jacket. Easy.

He weighs 300 pounds.

(GRUNTS)

Paint apartment?

Subletting.

Take dog to Montauk?

Nana's going to watch him.

This is impossible.

Oh, my gosh. Well, I guess this is it.

If I don't see you again, take care, you.

(SQUEALS)

(BOTH MOANING)

I'll do it! Give me those keys!

How are you going to get all that done?

I'm a frustrated male secretary. God owes me!

Excuse me. Sorry, sorry. Please. Sorry.

Sir, I need this renewed right away.

This is not your passport, sir.

Yes it is.

You look nothing like the woman in this picture, ma'am.

Well, thanks for the dig, but if you could just stampy-stampy.

Sir, only the holder of a passport can have it renewed.

It's a strict policy.

Please, you have no idea how important this is.

If you were the President of the United States

and it was a matter of national security,

I still couldn't help you.

Sir, if I get this passport renewed,

I have a chance to make every man's dream come true.

Two women? Yeah.

Give me the papers, sir.

Get this man through!

CHORUS: * Two girls for every boy

* I bought a '30 Ford wagon and we call it a woody

* Two girls for every boy

* They say they never roll the streets up

* 'Cause there's always something going

* Two girls for every boy

* And we're goin' to Surf City, 'cause it's two to one

* You know, we're goin' to Surf City, gonna have some fun

* You know, we're goin' to Surf City 'cause it's two to one

* You know, we're goin' to Surf City, gonna have some fun now

* Two girls for every

* Two girls for every boy *

Good, you're here.

No, we're still outside, Einstein.

Bravo. Have a seat.

Ah, new chairs?

Yeah, what do you think?

They're great, but where will Spock and Kirk sit?

(LAUGHING)

(BUZZING) Ow!

Did I just get shocked?

Oh, must be static electricity.

So, I had an idea for the next issue...

Well, that must've startled you out of your nap.

(LAUGHING)

(BUZZING) Ow!

What's up with this chair? It keeps shocking me.

You want to see shocking? Check out that stray eyebrow.

(LAUGHING)

(BUZZING)

Whoo! Thanks.

These chairs are wired. You're shocking us!

Gotcha. What?

Sure, you give me a shot, I give you one back.

Bam, I'm one of the gang.

Sit down, Chuckles, let's trade zingers.

Jack, could you give me three short ones

followed by a long, sustained one?

This is ridiculous. You told us to treat you like one of the gang,

we do, and now you're electrocuting us?

Fine. If you can't take a joke

then you're no longer allowed to make fun of me.

You big baby.

Fine, then we just go back to the way things were.

Fine.

And you're the big baby.

(BUZZING)

(ELLIOTT SCREAMING)

NINA: Hey, Jack, do these come in a love seat?

(PANTING)

I did it!

Everything on the list! It's all done!

Are you serious?

Nana says "Hello."

So, how's it going here?

Great.

We were just about to take care of the bill

and head back to my place.

Really?

And we were hoping...

I mean, if you're not busy...

Maybe you can join us.

Finch, are you crying?

I'm just so happy.

Oh, Finch.

When I was a little boy, my dad told me

that good things only happen to good people.

Now I know he was wrong.

Okay, then. I'll just pay the bill and we'll get going.

That's all right. I got it.

No, no, no. Dinner's on me.

Really, I insist.

What's the deal?

You don't think I can afford to pay for dinner?

I'm trying to be nice. I do make more money than you.

Oh, right, I'm sorry I don't make a million dollars

prancing around in my underwear.

(PANTING) It's all good.

I model lingerie. And I don't prance.

That's right. You just sit there.

So this is what you think of me.

Maybe it is.

Well, then maybe we shouldn't go through with this.

Fine. The whole thing's off.

Don't do this!

Don't let this dream die on me!

Forget it, Finch. It's over.

Nothing is over! This isn't about you or me.

It's about hope and it's about love!

And it's about three people grabbing

some happiness in this crazy world.

It's not gonna happen.

You're gonna have to grab your own happiness.

Very well.

But remember...

You can kill the dreamer,

but you can't kill the dream.

(MEN CHEERING)

* Life keeps bringing me back to you

* Keeps bringing me home

* It don't matter what I wanna do

* 'Cause it's got a mind of its own

* Life keeps bringing me back to you *

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0