All language subtitles for Jack of All Trades s01e11 Love Potion No 10.eng

JACK: Hey, Govy,
what are you doing here?

If I may have a moment
of your time, Jacques?

What's the matter?
That rash come back?

No, monsieur!

CROQUE: This time, it is something
not quite so easily dismissed.

My wife Camille.
Her ship docks in one hour.

Camille returns from Europe,
where my brother, Napoleon,

raises the flag of victory
on foreign soil.

Aha! And you think they've been
playing "hide the flagpole"?

No, no.

But my brother believes that a potent
libido is necessary for leadership,

and from what Camille
has told him,

he fears I am no longer man
enough to govern Palau-Palau.

Oh, come on. You break wind and a
thousand soldiers draw their swords.

Perhaps.

But it has been some time since
my own "saber" has been raised.

Please, you must help me!

Hey, look, Croque, you
look like a nice guy, but...

Jacques, if I cannot
satisfy my wife,

Napoleon will make her
Governor!

(CHUCKLING)

Well, espionage reaches
a new low.

I'm now the Governor's
fluffer.

Jack, this is really
quite serious.

I know of this Camille,
and if she takes over,

Palau-Palau will be
more oppressive than a...

Than a geisha's
chastity belt.

Oh, can't have that.

We must help Croque,
for everyone's sake.

Hey, don't look at me. Last
time I danced the seven veils

I threw my hip out.

But aren't there things
that men use to sort of

straighten out the problem?

Whoa! Hey, you're talking
to the wrong guy, sister.

Well, don't get defensive.

You must have some idea where
to get that sort of thing.

Well, even if I did,
which I don't,

that stuff can't raise
the dead, you know.

Unless of course your
determination is already up,

and then it can help
sort of...

Stiffen your resolve?

Yeah, something like that. Of course,
you know, that's what I've heard.

(SIGHING) Well, I'll just
have to make it more potent.

As usual, it takes a woman
to solve a man's problem.

EMILIA: Come along.
We're off to see Croque.

Whoa, there!

CAMILLE: Oh!

Remove the tree!

Oui, mon capitaine.

(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

Whoa, whoa.

Jack, look, Croque and
his wife are under attack!

Oh, isn't that a shame?

Oh, all right. Wait here and
act surprised when I jump out.

(GRUNTING)

(SOLDIERS LAUGHING)

BROGARD: Nowhere to run,
monsieur!

That's what you think!

(GASPING)

Camille!

Steady, men!

Uh-uh-uh. Not so fast.

Since when does the Dragoon
fight for the Governor?

I thought you were a man
of the people.

That's true, but I'm
an enemy of all crime.

The Governor will get what's
coming to him, but not like this.

(JACK LAUGHING)

After him!

Oui, mon capitaine.

Madam.

(HORSE WHINNYING)

Whoa! Whoa!

(GRUNTING)

BROGARD: Mon gouverneur,
are you all right?

Nice work, Jack. Thanks.

What happened?
Is everyone all right?

Who was that masked man?
I must have him.

In 1801,
the Revolution had been won

And Uncle Sam's favorite son

Had a job he needed done

Which brought Jack to a lady

Both beautiful and smart

Who found his mix intriguing

A scoundrel with a heart!

From the Halls of Montezuma

To the shores of Tripoli

There was never
a leatherneck braver

A daring dragoon is he!

He'll halt the bold advance

Of Napoleon's attack

There ain't a French
or pirate rogue

Who don't know Jack!

From the Halls of Montezuma

To the shores of Tripoli.

Sailin' 'round
the bloody world

To defend democracy

And when ya need
a fightin' man

To trust or watch your back

Just ask the bloke
right next to ya

Damn right!

It's Jack!

JACK: All right. Well,
what should I have done,

let Brogard use Camille
as target practice?

No, but can't you
tone it down a bit?

I mean, why do you always
have to be so...

Intoxicating? Spectacular?
Handsome?

You said it yourself, Jack,

aphrodisiacs merely
fan the flames,

they don't create passion. And if
Camille falls in love with the Dragoon,

she'll never reconcile
with Croque.

Yeah, well,
Dragoon or no Dragoon,

it's gonna take more than pixie dust
before they're banging headboards again.

Yes, well, it can help
and we've got to try.

They're married, Emilia.
Come on!

What precisely
are you implying, Jack?

I'm not precisely
implying anything.

I'm saying passion never
survives past the altar.

I'll have you know that
after five years of marriage,

my husband and I had
more passion for each other

than we did
on our wedding night.

True passion grows from a
foundation of trust and respect,

shared by mature
and civilized people.

Wait. Are we talking about sex
here or parliamentary procedure?

We're talking about love,
Jack.

Croque and Camille
simply need a catalyst

to put their hearts
back in touch.

They'd better touch more
than that or Croque's history.

Yes. Well, if they don't,
we may all be history.

Camille, are we fully
recovered, ma chérie?

From the terror,
or the disappointment?

Disappointment?

Oh, my life hung by a thread,

yet my husband and his army
were impotent to save me.

But, fortunately,

there is still at least one man
on this island with a heroic heart.

The Dragoon? He is a
criminal, not a hero!

He most likely planned the entire event
just to make fools of us yet again!

Oh? He's done so before?

Tell me more about
this insolent wretch.

He lives to spit
in our faces.

(SPITTING)

To repudiate French
authority on this island!

He strikes and then vanishes into
the night, like a jungle cat...

Mon Dieu!

(GASPING)

How can any of us be safe with
such a virile danger in our midst?

I assure you, ma chérie, the
thought occupies me day and night.

Unfortunately, it has had rather
a diminishing effect on my system.

You poor dear!
You need rest.

(LAUGHING)

No strenuous activity
until you're recovered.

I forbid you to leave
this bed, understood?

(GIGGLING)

And where are you going,
mon petit chou?

To take a bath.

I'm feeling so very

dirty.

Ah, here it is.

Last one on the island,
just in from Spain.

What is it?

Spanish fly. They say
it's a great aphrodisiac.

(GIGGLING)

Maybe I can isolate the active
ingredient to make it twice as potent.

Twice as potent?
Sounds like a special case.

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

It is. Desperate, in fact.

Oh, come on now, ladies, you don't
actually think this is for me, do you?

Now, honey, the chemist said we must
do this right away if it's to work.

And while we're at it, we
should pick up some waxing cream

for that little chest hair
problem of yours.

MAN: Help me!

Come on, Em.
We got a problem.

Keep the change.

Captain Brogard,
I demand to know

what crimes these people
are charged with.

Oh, they're quite innocent,
madame.

Still, they'll be hanged
at dawn.

By whose order?

By order
of the Governor's wife.

She'll be giving all the
orders around here pretty soon.

This is an outrage! Such wanton
bloodshed will not go unanswered!

Actuellement, that is what
Madame Camille is hoping.

Okay, now, for once, Cappy,
you're way ahead of me here.

Madame wishes to meet
the Dragoon.

So, this is a sort of

invitation.

And if he doesn't show?

There is no shortage
of peasants.

Look, I'll just sneak into
Camille's room and make her happy.

She would pardon Attila the Hun
if the old Dragoon asked her.

Don't flatter yourself.

Emilia, come on,
your position is always

"what's best
for the mission."

So, let's just think of it
as the missionary position.

Camille is very cunning, Jack. This
could be a trap. And even if it weren't,

that would hardly reconcile her
with her husband, now, would it?

Come on, sister,
that ship has already sailed.

I still maintain that
love outlasts passion.

And where there is love, the
flame can always be rekindled.

Yeah,
where there's lighter fluid.

Godspeed now, Jack.
The Governor's waiting.

Look, have you seen Camille?

If Croque can't raise
his mast for her,

no potion in the ocean
can do it for him.

I've refined the extract. This
should be 10 times as strong.

Yeah. And when it doesn't
work, he's gonna blame me.

No thanks.
You give it to him.

It's as certain as science,
Jack.

One shot of this, they'll need
a fire hose to separate them.

We're both gonna be hosed if you think
science can put libido in a bottle.

Can you just take it?
Can you...

So

did I tell you I was donating
my body to science?

Research can always use
a few good men.

Will you still respect me
in the morning?

I don't respect you now.

Oh, my goodness,
it's the potion, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Must be. I mean,
we wouldn't be doing this.

No, no. Of course not,
we'd never forgive ourselves.

This is terrible,
this is simply...

Yeah. You bet.
Terrible.

Uh, can you make more?

Well, that was the last
Spanish fly.

Now we'll never know if the
potion would have worked.

Unless we document
our own reactions.

In the name of science,
of course.

Yes. That's an excellent
idea. And from that,

deduce what Camille
and Croque might have done.

Man and a woman,

shouldn't be too hard to
figure out what happens next.

This is child's play.
Camille is quite the sexpot.

I bet she would probably
start like this.

Yeah. She is one hot
racing yacht, that Camille.

Transparent as rice paper. There's
no doubt what's on her mind.

Yeah. And that Croque.

Oh, sure, he hides it well,
but I'll tell you what,

that old bird's got a wild
streak inside of him, too!

Without question.

And I bet sometimes it shoots
straight to the surface.

Yeah. Those Frenchmen.
They sure are hot-blooded!

Volcanic.

(BOTH PANTING)

Oh, what am I doing?

If I get any closer to you,

you're just gonna have
to slap me, okay?

Yes. Yes. Okay.

Yeah.

Hey, do that again.

You like that, you nasty man?
Do you want some more?

Yeah. I want you
to spank me.

I want you to spank me till
the cows come home, baby!

Wait a minute!

One of us has got to leave.

Yes. Yes, you're right.
Preferably, with clothes on.

Yeah.

No, where are you going?

Well,
there are lives at stake

and I have to take care
of Camille.

Take care of her? Jack,
no, no, no. Don't go!

She's a...
She's a harmless child,

she's a tramp!
She's a hussy!

Don't you dare touch that
woman, Jack Stiles, you hear me?

(GRUNTS)

If you leave, Jack,
you'll regret it!

You have no idea.

(GASPING)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Is that you,
my little buttercup?

Psst, psst!
What's shaking, bacon?

Jacques.

(CHUCKLING)

Hey, you resting up
for the big event?

I am afraid not.

My wife desires
a bigger event than mine.

Well, lucky for you,
I brought the goods.

I have no need of potions
anymore.

Forget potions.

I got something
that's better than that.

You know, Croquey, your little
problem isn't that unique.

Or hard to solve, either.

Is it not?

No.

See, when two people have
been together for a long time,

things can get a little
routine between the sheets.

Predictable.
Dare I say dull.

Next thing you know, you're
just going through the motions,

and she's counting the ceiling
cracks. Counting the ceiling cracks.

Yeah, you get the idea.

And then one night,
when you least expect it,

the little soldier
just won't salute.

But the war isn't over.

No, no, no. You just need
to generate some excitement

and get that blood
pumping again.

What kind of excitement?

Well, you said your wife
wants to meet the Dragoon?

Oui, and I rather think

she is hoping the encounter
will be horizontal.

Well, she may be
on the right track.

I should allow my wife
to sleep with a criminal?

Not exactly.

But if the Dragoon were to come into
her room, she'd get pretty excited.

And if she got excited,
next thing you know,

the little soldier's on the
march again. You catch my drift?

Like a little game.

Yeah. Like cricket,
only fun.

Your first match is tonight
at the Coq Saint Jacques.

(LAUGHING)

JACK: That ought to do it.

Okay. Now, this is for Madame
Camille's eyes only. You got that?

So, mission accomplished?

Yeah, yeah. I think so.

That woman is a tart,
a cheap strumpet.

Calm down,
I haven't done anything.

Or anybody, for that matter.
Camille included.

Promise on your honor?
If you had any, I mean.

Yeah. No one's touched
my honor, unfortunately.

Look, I think I've got hot pants and
grandpa back on the road to romance.

Really?

Yeah.

Do you think there's still a chance
something may come between them?

One can only hope.

Could be something big.

Ooh, she's a lucky woman.

Oh, she can have luck. I'll
take science any day, baby.

(GASPING)

Back again!

I don't think it ever left.

All right.
Let's just get a grip.

Grip away, baby.

Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry.

It's all right. It's all
right. I'm going to go.

No, no, I should go.

We could always go together.

(GRUNTS)

Jack, wait!
Where are you going?

Trust me.
You don't want to know.

(PANTING)

Now, let's see what
you're really up to, Jack.

JACK: (VOICEOVER) Meet me at the Coq
Saint Jacques, 8:00. The Daring Dragoon.

P.S. Wear red.

Well, if it isn't
our nightly regular.

Drop the stiff act, Brogie.

At least until
you get upstairs.

(CHUCKLING)

Go easy on him, sweetie.

(GRUNTS)

If you're a good girl,
Maggie,

I have a nice little
profiterole for you to nibble on.

(BARKS)

(GROWLING)

(SNORTING)

(MAGGIE GIGGLING)

Monsieur, monsieur.

I've been expecting you.
This way.

(LAUGHING)

Okay, big guy. Showtime.

(LAUGHING)

No, this way.
Go get them, tiger.

Your turn, Sadie.

No, no, no, no,
Monsieur Jacques.

We simply must reduce this
tension between our countries.

Well, to be honest, I have
been a little tense lately.

If she's...
Well, then who's...

Out of the way! Come quick!
The Dragoon is here!

I guess I'll have to take
a rain check.

You can count on that.

Oh, Jacques.

(CROQUE LAUGHING)

Come here, you!

Emilia!
Emilia!

What're you doing here?

You lied,
you were going to Camille!

But where is Camille?

Hey, look, I can explain.
Really.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

BROGARD: Give up, Dragoon,
you are surrounded!

Mon Dieu! I will be hanged!

No, you don't.

Not on my watch.

I know we agreed to keep
our clothes on,

but I need your underwear
again.

Oh, Jack.

I mean, oh, Jack. Yes.

Dragoon! Open up!

Break down the door!

SOLDIER: Oui, mon capitaine.

(SOLDIERS GRUNTING)

If you want a turn, Brogard, why
don't you pay like the rest of us?

(LAUGHING)

After him!

(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

You guys get new uniforms
or something?

Oh! You dropped it!
Better go get it.

(GRUNTING)

(JACK LAUGHING)

If you thought that was good,
madam,

come upstairs
and I'll show you one better.

Time to blow, babycakes!

I told you we'd get
the old blood pumping!

All right, Croquey,
give it up!

Time to put the hammer down.

(SNICKERING)

Come on, Jack!

Ooh!

They say you're a man
of action.

I say

prove it.

(GASPING)

It was you all along?

Oui, ma chérie.

I've never known
this side of you.

Take me! Ravage me!

(LAUGHING)

(BOTH GIGGLING)

I saw Camille yesterday.

She was looking
very satisfied.

Well, Em,
I guess you were right.

Love triumphed in the end.

You were right as well, Jack.

Passion can be
very compelling.

Yeah, that jungle juice
was strong stuff, huh?

It might have ruined things
between us.

So, true friendship gives
passion a run for its money?

Yeah.

Just out of curiosity, how
long will these effects last?

No more than a day or two.

Whatever will we do
to pass the time?

I think I'll go
horseback riding. And you?

Oh, a lot of cold showers.
Starting right now!

(CHUCKLING)

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