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�
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�
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�
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Right, of course
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That's so cool, Yeah,
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I'm a huge fan, I, ,,
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Me too,
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I'm always telling people
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"Deal with your shit or your
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�
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"If you don't bring forth
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"what you don't bring forth, ,,
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BOTH: "Will destroy you,"
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�
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I just came up with it
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�
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�
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And I'm sorry for people
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to do really, ,,
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�
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People do the best they can
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That's how I see it,
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�
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�
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�
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some rapid�
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�
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�
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The NFL,
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�
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�
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�
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Come on, Brady?
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�
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He just looks incredible,
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�
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of police brutality,
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Of course,
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you know what?
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What a beautiful way
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It's really, really great,
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Um, ,,are you still doing
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�
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�
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[mysterious music]
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It's new,
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[laughter]
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I'll have turkey and Swiss, ,,
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on flatbread,
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Sorry,
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so what do you think
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with healthcare?
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�
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Right?
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�
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if you're poor, they let you
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I mean, ,,
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what a great way
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Not!
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That's "Wayne's World,"
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�
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�
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�
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so early '90s, late '90s�
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it all just seems
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�
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As a matter of fact,
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"Where's the beef?"
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or, "Yas, queen!"
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�
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�
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�
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�
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Okay, Abortion,
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�
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But that's just me,
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I'm also against the squashing
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so whether or not
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or kill an animal
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that's up to the individual,
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But I could never harm
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�
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You ordered turkey,
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[scattered laughs]
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�
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�
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Um, ,,
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I don't care,
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maybe not the last one,
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When people offer up,
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thoughts and prayers, ,,
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It just, ,,it, ,,
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I have to say,
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Because a prayer
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But it starts with
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so you're acting like you're
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�
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�
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Second of all,
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Six seconds?
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Would it kill you
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Call Congress,
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�
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�
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�
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I'm just, ,,
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�
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�
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�
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And you're special,
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and you're special,
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takes it away,
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And you're special,
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and you're special,
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The two of you are special,
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�
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�
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[laughter]
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�
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and I'm sorry
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in "the Messiah" way,
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�
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�
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�
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It's the same thing as Netflix,
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You have Netflix, right?
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�
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It's an app
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�
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which is an app
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�
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BOTH: Not!
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�
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Sarah, ,,
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[both chuckling]
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�
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�
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�
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�
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[laughter]
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�
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[comical end notes]
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[cheers and applause]
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[Psychic Friend's
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? ?
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MAN: ? Shave it off,
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? Show us how to conquer first
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CHORUS: ? Don't know if we're
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? Used to staying weak ?
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? And now we're
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? We don't wanna go
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? Lonely as the day is long,
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? ?
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MARK:
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Sarah Silverman!
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[cheers and applause]
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�
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Hello!
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There it is,
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Oh, I'm so happy you're here,
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This is the perfect
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just the way it is,
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And hello to you at home,
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And I'm glad to have our
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back at his post,
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Mather,
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�
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[both chuckle]
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�
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�
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[laughter]
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Right, Thank you,
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Good to have you back,
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Um, hey, ,,
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it's Christmastime,
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which happens, ,,
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Happy birthday, Jesus,
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[cheers and applause]
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It's also, uh, it's also
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as our fearful leader
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�
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that people
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They don't use the word
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'cause it's not
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Well, guess what,
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We're saying
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[audience whooping]
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�
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since 348 days ago?
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Again since
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I, ,,I don't understand,
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I really am trying to be
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and do my best to find
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but I have to call
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on this War on Christmas stuff,
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For those of you who are new
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the War on Christmas, ,,
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the War on Christmas
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invented by
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like Fox News and
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to usher people toward
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to hate Jews
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or any non�
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and therefore
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I squeaked on that,
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Sorry, I have a little cold,
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so I'm sounding a little bit
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[laughter]
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Okay, let's break down
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And to my friends
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and the
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and Newsbusters
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and all the real news
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covering this
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[laughter]
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When you write your
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on my monologue, gluing
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that fit your narrative,
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What is it about Christmas
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that you think that Jews hate?
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The, ,,the no traffic?
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[laughter]
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the gorgeous lights
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and the houses
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The carolers?
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Do you think we hate
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I�
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[laughter]
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[applause]
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You're really muddying
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Like, so now it's the greedy
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that hates making money?
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I�
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What else do the Jews hate
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Is it the empty movie theaters
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and myriad Chinese food
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Is it the royalty checks
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You know, um, ,,
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You know all the classic
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Jews wrote them,
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Okay, be honest, Sarah,
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Not all of them,
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"Winter Wonderland"
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and "Silver Bells,"
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And "Rudolph the Red�
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And, oh, "I'll Be Home
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and "White Christmas,"
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and "Most Wonderful
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and "The Christmas Song,"
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That's, ,,Oh, and "You're
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and "Holly Jolly Christmas"
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and "Rockin' Around
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and "Little Drummer Boy,"
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Just kidding,
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[applause]
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Christmas songs
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Like, I could write one
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off the top of my
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? Tinsel falling off ?
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? The branches of the tree ?
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? Christmas trees
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? A piano plays ?
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? A Christmas song ?
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? While the tree is there ?
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? Decorated with spangles ?
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? And ornaments around ?
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? On the tree ?
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? With an angel on the top ?
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? Of the tree ?
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? And underneath the tree ?
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? Are presents ?
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? Presents for the kids ?
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? Presents for Ma and Pa ?
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? And underneath the tree
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[laughter, applause]
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? It's trees
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? Trees forever ?
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? Trees for Mather ?
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? Trees! ?
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I just pulled that literally
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I could have kept going,
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[cheers and applause]
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I'm gonna call that
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Every year�
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I really could have
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[laughter]
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Every year, there is
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that is trotted out
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to support their
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which leads us to the saga
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First it was just plain red,
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which is apparently a total
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Then they had like
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which made them very angry
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no specific to Christmas
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[laughter]
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I'm really�
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What do you need?
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Really, I want to do anything,
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Like a bleeding Jesus
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maybe close�
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I�
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Guys, it's�
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It's the stuff that you drink
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to make yourself shit
306
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,798
So anyway, this year,
307
00:12:33,798 --> 00:12:36,721
and decorated the cup with
308
00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:39,560
And they even doubled down
309
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,605
uh, Christmas Tree Frappuccino,
310
00:12:41,605 --> 00:12:43,358
And you wanna know
311
00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:46,532
It's fucking delicious,
312
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,368
And like a Christmas miracle,
313
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,166
they still found a new thing
314
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:54,506
in the form
315
00:12:54,506 --> 00:12:57,554
[laughter]
316
00:12:57,554 --> 00:12:59,892
Hey, loud, homophobic,
317
00:12:59,892 --> 00:13:02,021
wildly unJesus�
318
00:13:02,021 --> 00:13:04,233
hate�
319
00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:06,321
you're bumming everybody out,
320
00:13:06,321 --> 00:13:08,075
Especially, I would imagine,
321
00:13:08,075 --> 00:13:10,789
the majority of Christians
322
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:14,128
I grew up in a Christian town
323
00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:15,715
My friends were Christian,
324
00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:17,468
and most of
325
00:13:17,468 --> 00:13:20,390
are really about love
326
00:13:20,390 --> 00:13:22,269
and are wildly comfortable
327
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:25,109
with hands of
328
00:13:26,987 --> 00:13:29,868
Like, when did companies
329
00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:32,791
become the nation's
330
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:34,837
I, ,,Like when did people
331
00:13:34,837 --> 00:13:37,634
"You know,
332
00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,345
"Starbucks' message
333
00:13:39,345 --> 00:13:41,349
"but I still take the kids
334
00:13:41,349 --> 00:13:43,938
for the community of it,"
335
00:13:43,938 --> 00:13:45,733
Starbucks is not church,
336
00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:48,238
The only thing Starbucks
337
00:13:48,238 --> 00:13:50,075
is they both let people
338
00:13:50,075 --> 00:13:53,164
take dumps in their bathrooms,
339
00:13:53,164 --> 00:13:56,212
[applause]
340
00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:57,632
But there's never
341
00:13:57,632 --> 00:13:59,427
when a coffee cup
342
00:13:59,427 --> 00:14:01,055
has prevented anyone
343
00:14:01,055 --> 00:14:03,644
from celebrating Christmas
344
00:14:03,644 --> 00:14:05,355
even Starbucks,
345
00:14:05,355 --> 00:14:07,026
And here's a fun fact:
346
00:14:07,026 --> 00:14:10,324
Starbucks founder
347
00:14:10,324 --> 00:14:11,785
[whispers]
348
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,623
[laughter]
349
00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:15,543
So, to recap,
350
00:14:15,543 --> 00:14:19,008
you're mad that the Jew�
351
00:14:19,008 --> 00:14:22,014
isn't Christmassy enough,
352
00:14:22,014 --> 00:14:23,976
Which also begs the question,
353
00:14:23,976 --> 00:14:26,523
why are their bagels
354
00:14:26,523 --> 00:14:29,613
[laughter, applause]
355
00:14:29,613 --> 00:14:32,493
Oh!
356
00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:36,961
Look, it doesn't
357
00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:39,591
to include other people
358
00:14:39,591 --> 00:14:42,429
It's actually a pretty
359
00:14:42,429 --> 00:14:44,977
My friend Todd Glass
360
00:14:44,977 --> 00:14:46,396
Take a look,
361
00:14:46,396 --> 00:14:48,108
�
362
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:50,530
I went to about
363
00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:53,284
and every single store
364
00:14:53,284 --> 00:14:55,122
I said, "Merry Christmas,"
365
00:14:55,122 --> 00:14:57,126
And all but two times,
366
00:14:57,126 --> 00:14:59,422
they said Merry Christmas
367
00:14:59,422 --> 00:15:01,719
Two times,
368
00:15:01,719 --> 00:15:04,140
But not one, ,,
369
00:15:04,140 --> 00:15:05,183
not one�
370
00:15:05,183 --> 00:15:06,895
Oh, I'm gettin' angry,
371
00:15:06,895 --> 00:15:08,691
Not one said, "Oh, I'm sorry,"
372
00:15:08,691 --> 00:15:11,112
you can't say
373
00:15:11,112 --> 00:15:13,534
So the argument
374
00:15:13,534 --> 00:15:15,078
and you can still have
375
00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:16,832
I just think
376
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,462
and it sounds like I'm being
377
00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:22,134
I just want you to be able
378
00:15:22,134 --> 00:15:24,138
And I think what
379
00:15:24,138 --> 00:15:27,061
'cause we've established
380
00:15:27,061 --> 00:15:28,731
But what you're saying is
381
00:15:28,731 --> 00:15:31,152
"Okay, I guess I know
382
00:15:31,152 --> 00:15:33,949
but I want the stores
383
00:15:33,949 --> 00:15:35,536
And that's not, ,,
384
00:15:35,536 --> 00:15:37,665
that's actually
385
00:15:37,665 --> 00:15:39,418
You sound like a little bit
386
00:15:39,418 --> 00:15:41,005
I mean, I said
387
00:15:41,005 --> 00:15:42,884
but there's nothing wrong
388
00:15:42,884 --> 00:15:45,598
That would be like
389
00:15:45,598 --> 00:15:47,392
listen to me out here�
390
00:15:47,392 --> 00:15:50,232
and had an employee, and every
391
00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:51,484
he said, "Hi, Glen,"
392
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,196
"Hi, Glen," and you know what?
393
00:15:53,196 --> 00:15:54,908
Not everybody's name was Glen,
394
00:15:54,908 --> 00:15:57,412
Hence, not everybody
395
00:15:57,412 --> 00:16:00,418
But most people are like,
396
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:03,424
At least he's friendly,
397
00:16:03,424 --> 00:16:06,013
So what's the problem?
398
00:16:06,013 --> 00:16:08,268
the store owner goes,
399
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,731
"I love that you're saying
400
00:16:10,731 --> 00:16:12,610
"but everyone's name
401
00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:14,823
"Why don't you just say hi?
402
00:16:14,823 --> 00:16:16,952
That includes everybody,"
403
00:16:16,952 --> 00:16:18,831
And you go, "Oh, my God,
404
00:16:18,831 --> 00:16:20,417
There's a war on Glen!"
405
00:16:20,417 --> 00:16:22,045
There's no war on Glen!
406
00:16:22,045 --> 00:16:25,093
If you see Glen,
407
00:16:25,093 --> 00:16:26,680
That's not yelling,
408
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,976
That's, uh, comedic, ,,
409
00:16:28,976 --> 00:16:30,605
Look it up,
410
00:16:30,605 --> 00:16:32,399
[laughter]
411
00:16:32,399 --> 00:16:34,613
I just wanna say Merry Fucking
412
00:16:34,613 --> 00:16:36,365
There ya go,
413
00:16:36,365 --> 00:16:38,369
You won,
414
00:16:38,369 --> 00:16:41,167
Play Christmas music
415
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,463
Put some Christmas lights
416
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:46,177
Merry Christmas!
417
00:16:46,177 --> 00:16:49,016
Merry Christmas!
418
00:16:51,605 --> 00:16:53,817
[theme music plays]
419
00:16:53,817 --> 00:16:55,780
[cheers and applause]
420
00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:57,617
�
421
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,247
Look, Mather, should we
422
00:17:00,247 --> 00:17:03,044
�
423
00:17:03,044 --> 00:17:04,255
Yeah!
424
00:17:04,255 --> 00:17:05,423
[laughter]
425
00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:07,219
�
426
00:17:07,219 --> 00:17:09,056
�
427
00:17:09,056 --> 00:17:11,185
�
428
00:17:11,185 --> 00:17:14,066
People first, ,,
429
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,445
m'lady,
430
00:17:16,445 --> 00:17:19,451
Thank you,
431
00:17:19,451 --> 00:17:23,251
�
432
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,633
It's tiny Sarahs,
433
00:17:26,633 --> 00:17:28,094
And there's me, and there's me,
434
00:17:28,094 --> 00:17:29,764
there's me, there's me,
435
00:17:29,764 --> 00:17:31,602
You're special, you're special,
436
00:17:31,602 --> 00:17:34,106
you're special,
437
00:17:34,106 --> 00:17:35,526
Oh, my gosh,
438
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:36,778
Here we go,
439
00:17:36,778 --> 00:17:38,657
[soft, thoughtful piano]
440
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,786
MATHER'S VOICE: Sarah,
441
00:17:40,786 --> 00:17:42,874
how much you have
442
00:17:42,874 --> 00:17:45,755
You are my North Star,
443
00:17:45,755 --> 00:17:47,508
When I was aimlessly wandering,
444
00:17:47,508 --> 00:17:50,848
you gave me a compass
445
00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:53,186
You didn't have to,
446
00:17:53,186 --> 00:17:55,357
And I will follow
447
00:17:55,357 --> 00:17:57,779
[mouthing words]
448
00:17:57,779 --> 00:17:59,406
I wish you the deepest
449
00:17:59,406 --> 00:18:01,787
and most loving
450
00:18:01,787 --> 00:18:03,666
Your friend, Mather,
451
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:06,295
[piano abruptly cuts off]
452
00:18:10,971 --> 00:18:14,144
Fred Rogers?
453
00:18:14,144 --> 00:18:15,731
�
454
00:18:15,731 --> 00:18:18,194
I know you're a big fan,
455
00:18:18,194 --> 00:18:21,325
"If it's mentionable,
456
00:18:21,325 --> 00:18:24,164
�
457
00:18:24,164 --> 00:18:25,835
I'm speechless!
458
00:18:25,835 --> 00:18:27,797
[applause]
459
00:18:27,797 --> 00:18:29,718
�
460
00:18:29,718 --> 00:18:32,640
�
461
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,561
And now, it's, ,,
462
00:18:34,561 --> 00:18:37,274
my turn!
463
00:18:37,274 --> 00:18:38,736
Oh, you're gonna�
464
00:18:38,736 --> 00:18:41,700
I'm so excited for you
465
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,954
You're gonna love it,
466
00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:45,498
[laughter]
467
00:18:45,498 --> 00:18:47,335
�
468
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:50,091
�
469
00:18:50,091 --> 00:18:51,636
SARAH'S VOICE:
470
00:18:51,636 --> 00:18:55,519
[laughter]
471
00:18:55,519 --> 00:18:58,149
�
472
00:18:58,149 --> 00:19:01,071
And you did not wear it out,
473
00:19:01,071 --> 00:19:02,324
[laughter]
474
00:19:02,324 --> 00:19:04,203
�
475
00:19:04,203 --> 00:19:07,459
�
476
00:19:07,459 --> 00:19:09,254
Oh, ,,
477
00:19:09,254 --> 00:19:10,716
like if you travel, ,,
478
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,219
�
479
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,806
and fold it up
480
00:19:13,806 --> 00:19:15,391
�
481
00:19:16,728 --> 00:19:18,565
�
482
00:19:18,565 --> 00:19:21,403
Two great gifts,
483
00:19:21,403 --> 00:19:24,493
Well, gifts are great,
484
00:19:24,493 --> 00:19:27,123
but Christmas
485
00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:29,127
and shopping and stuff,
486
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,591
We have to remember what
487
00:19:31,591 --> 00:19:34,681
America,
488
00:19:34,681 --> 00:19:37,352
So let's learn a little more
489
00:19:37,352 --> 00:19:40,734
from America expert
490
00:19:40,734 --> 00:19:44,576
[rousing music]
491
00:19:44,576 --> 00:19:47,163
�
492
00:19:47,163 --> 00:19:48,165
Whoo!
493
00:19:48,165 --> 00:19:49,586
I'm Kate Berlant,
494
00:19:49,586 --> 00:19:51,088
and I'm a certified
495
00:19:51,088 --> 00:19:52,884
I've given lectures
496
00:19:52,884 --> 00:19:54,596
but my main passion
497
00:19:54,596 --> 00:19:56,015
so much so
498
00:19:56,015 --> 00:19:58,352
Oh, there she is,
499
00:19:58,352 --> 00:20:00,774
Today I'm in Washington, D, C, ,
500
00:20:00,774 --> 00:20:03,112
to share this unforgettable
501
00:20:03,112 --> 00:20:05,910
You'll never look at America
502
00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:07,830
All right, who's excited?
503
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:09,207
Here we are,
504
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:10,753
All right,
505
00:20:10,753 --> 00:20:13,341
The monument was erected
506
00:20:13,341 --> 00:20:15,261
our 16th president,
507
00:20:15,261 --> 00:20:17,390
there was a 17th president,
508
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:20,773
Now, it was built in 1922,
509
00:20:20,773 --> 00:20:22,192
That was the national attempt
510
00:20:22,192 --> 00:20:23,820
to make day night
511
00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:25,616
Had it been passed,
512
00:20:25,616 --> 00:20:27,118
we'd be in the middle
513
00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:29,247
and it would be illegal
514
00:20:29,247 --> 00:20:30,626
[laughter]
515
00:20:30,626 --> 00:20:32,128
My ex�
516
00:20:32,128 --> 00:20:33,840
used to be about
517
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,513
I used to go visit him
518
00:20:36,513 --> 00:20:39,393
Why don't we go on down
519
00:20:39,393 --> 00:20:41,940
18 inches of pure hell,
520
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:44,444
That water right there
521
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:48,578
It's home to over 46 species
522
00:20:48,578 --> 00:20:51,626
Scenes from "Veep,"
523
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:55,008
"House Hunters"
524
00:20:55,008 --> 00:20:57,470
In fact, this was
525
00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:59,559
I was an extra
526
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,395
I was just a baby back then,
527
00:21:01,395 --> 00:21:02,898
but if you blink twice
528
00:21:02,898 --> 00:21:04,359
it's the third scene
529
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:06,363
you'll notice me
530
00:21:06,363 --> 00:21:08,159
A lotta businessmen
531
00:21:08,159 --> 00:21:10,288
crack open a Sam Adams
532
00:21:10,288 --> 00:21:11,791
try to drink their troubles
533
00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:13,795
It's not that easy,
534
00:21:13,795 --> 00:21:15,632
If you look at that kind of
535
00:21:15,632 --> 00:21:17,385
that's where I met
536
00:21:17,385 --> 00:21:19,932
He came over to me, and we
537
00:21:19,932 --> 00:21:22,145
11 years later,
538
00:21:22,145 --> 00:21:24,483
Are there any questions?
539
00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:27,197
�
540
00:21:27,197 --> 00:21:28,742
�
541
00:21:28,742 --> 00:21:31,956
[laughter]
542
00:21:31,956 --> 00:21:33,502
The American flag was actually
543
00:21:33,502 --> 00:21:34,879
initially red, white,
544
00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:36,465
but then last minute,
545
00:21:36,465 --> 00:21:37,927
"What about blue?"
546
00:21:37,927 --> 00:21:39,471
flipped the whole script,
547
00:21:39,471 --> 00:21:41,643
so always speak up in class,
548
00:21:41,643 --> 00:21:43,605
All right, off the bus,
549
00:21:43,605 --> 00:21:44,982
Thank you for not leaving,
550
00:21:44,982 --> 00:21:46,360
Thanks for not leaving,
551
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:47,571
Thank you for staying
552
00:21:47,571 --> 00:21:49,742
Is everyone off?
553
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:51,495
Okay, everyone's off,
554
00:21:54,209 --> 00:21:55,963
I know what you're thinking,
555
00:21:55,963 --> 00:21:57,883
"Okay? Another one?
556
00:21:57,883 --> 00:21:59,762
More columns?"
557
00:21:59,762 --> 00:22:02,518
Well, no, This is actually
558
00:22:02,518 --> 00:22:04,062
believe it or not,
559
00:22:04,062 --> 00:22:05,983
The Jefferson Monument�
560
00:22:05,983 --> 00:22:07,778
And�
561
00:22:07,778 --> 00:22:09,489
[ringing]
562
00:22:09,489 --> 00:22:11,076
So rude,
563
00:22:11,076 --> 00:22:14,040
Hi, I can't talk ri�
564
00:22:16,713 --> 00:22:21,430
What? The Jefferson Monument
565
00:22:21,430 --> 00:22:24,645
[laughter]
566
00:22:24,645 --> 00:22:27,693
Thomas Jefferson's real name
567
00:22:27,693 --> 00:22:29,697
The folks thought it wasn't
568
00:22:29,697 --> 00:22:31,618
so they changed it
569
00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:33,370
I personally call him Chiefer,
570
00:22:33,370 --> 00:22:35,626
We don't know too much
571
00:22:35,626 --> 00:22:37,588
You know, who really cares?
572
00:22:37,588 --> 00:22:40,802
[laughs]
573
00:22:40,802 --> 00:22:42,890
He was, ,,French,
574
00:22:42,890 --> 00:22:44,476
No, that can't be right,
575
00:22:44,476 --> 00:22:46,648
[laughter]
576
00:22:46,648 --> 00:22:48,192
the very end,
577
00:22:48,192 --> 00:22:49,695
I can see some people
578
00:22:49,695 --> 00:22:52,325
knowing that
579
00:22:52,325 --> 00:22:54,580
Okay, everybody,
580
00:22:54,580 --> 00:22:56,208
the Washington Monument,
581
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:59,172
Get ready for some very
582
00:22:59,172 --> 00:23:02,930
This structure was erected
583
00:23:02,930 --> 00:23:05,059
There was a national capital�
584
00:23:05,059 --> 00:23:07,021
Okay�
585
00:23:14,369 --> 00:23:16,916
[laughter]
586
00:23:26,226 --> 00:23:28,314
Sorry,
587
00:23:41,674 --> 00:23:44,513
Oh, it's okay,
588
00:23:44,513 --> 00:23:46,475
Thank you,
589
00:23:46,475 --> 00:23:48,521
[laughter]
590
00:23:48,521 --> 00:23:51,694
[cheers and applause]
591
00:23:51,694 --> 00:23:53,823
�
592
00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:55,827
That was Kate,
593
00:23:55,827 --> 00:23:59,459
She is so weird
594
00:23:59,459 --> 00:24:00,962
I�
595
00:24:00,962 --> 00:24:02,925
Sorry,
596
00:24:05,054 --> 00:24:07,141
Kate?
597
00:24:07,141 --> 00:24:10,607
Wow, Okay, there you go,
598
00:24:10,607 --> 00:24:13,613
[theme music plays]
599
00:24:13,613 --> 00:24:15,867
? ?
600
00:24:15,867 --> 00:24:17,871
�
601
00:24:17,871 --> 00:24:21,796
? ?
602
00:24:24,259 --> 00:24:27,265
[theme music plays]
603
00:24:27,265 --> 00:24:28,935
[cheers and applause]
604
00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:31,607
�
605
00:24:31,607 --> 00:24:33,528
and author of
606
00:24:33,528 --> 00:24:36,199
"Hunger," "Difficult Women,"
607
00:24:36,199 --> 00:24:37,995
She's also pretty much
608
00:24:37,995 --> 00:24:39,414
that ever happened
609
00:24:39,414 --> 00:24:40,513
Please welcome
610
00:24:44,675 --> 00:24:46,386
[cheers and applause]
611
00:24:46,386 --> 00:24:48,766
Your writing is so�
612
00:24:48,766 --> 00:24:50,604
let me start�
613
00:24:50,604 --> 00:24:52,649
�
614
00:24:52,649 --> 00:24:54,862
that Doug Jones won Alabama,
615
00:24:54,862 --> 00:24:59,162
[cheers and applause]
616
00:24:59,162 --> 00:25:01,458
Which is, uh, ,,
617
00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:03,671
�
618
00:25:03,671 --> 00:25:05,926
A little sad for me
619
00:25:05,926 --> 00:25:08,388
I was Roy Moore's
620
00:25:08,388 --> 00:25:10,267
[laughter]
621
00:25:10,267 --> 00:25:12,063
�
622
00:25:12,063 --> 00:25:13,650
�
623
00:25:13,650 --> 00:25:15,695
How did�
624
00:25:15,695 --> 00:25:17,866
What happened?
625
00:25:17,866 --> 00:25:19,452
I'm thrilled,
626
00:25:19,452 --> 00:25:21,414
That's how it happened,
627
00:25:21,414 --> 00:25:24,505
[cheers and applause]
628
00:25:24,505 --> 00:25:27,468
�
629
00:25:27,468 --> 00:25:30,099
�
630
00:25:30,099 --> 00:25:32,019
than for the presidential
631
00:25:32,019 --> 00:25:35,694
Black women voted for
632
00:25:35,694 --> 00:25:39,117
�
633
00:25:42,164 --> 00:25:44,795
�
634
00:25:44,795 --> 00:25:46,674
�
635
00:25:46,674 --> 00:25:48,385
voter, but, ,,
636
00:25:48,385 --> 00:25:50,180
I'm sure not,
637
00:25:50,180 --> 00:25:51,642
but I also think
638
00:25:51,642 --> 00:25:55,357
because it was 50�
639
00:25:55,357 --> 00:25:57,613
�
640
00:25:57,613 --> 00:26:00,409
�
641
00:26:00,409 --> 00:26:03,498
And please go out and read all
642
00:26:03,498 --> 00:26:07,256
That's Roxane with one N,
643
00:26:07,256 --> 00:26:09,970
In "Hungry,"
644
00:26:09,970 --> 00:26:11,891
talking about
645
00:26:11,891 --> 00:26:15,230
of surviving rape
646
00:26:16,274 --> 00:26:19,823
At what point did you decide
647
00:26:19,823 --> 00:26:23,790
�
648
00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:26,127
my agent and I were talking
649
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:28,382
"Let's sell a book before
650
00:26:28,382 --> 00:26:30,302
"in case it flops, ,,
651
00:26:30,302 --> 00:26:32,056
"So that I can, you know,
652
00:26:32,056 --> 00:26:34,060
at least have a second
653
00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:36,439
And I thought, "What do
654
00:26:36,439 --> 00:26:39,195
And the thing I wanted to write
655
00:26:39,195 --> 00:26:41,992
I just thought, "Oh, I really
656
00:26:41,992 --> 00:26:44,122
And that's when I know,
657
00:26:44,122 --> 00:26:46,292
I have to write that book,
658
00:26:46,292 --> 00:26:48,380
�
659
00:26:48,380 --> 00:26:50,844
�
660
00:26:50,844 --> 00:26:52,889
balls, vagina, ,,
661
00:26:52,889 --> 00:26:54,350
�
662
00:26:54,350 --> 00:26:57,148
�
663
00:26:57,148 --> 00:26:59,110
just sometimes
664
00:26:59,110 --> 00:27:01,030
And so I realized,
665
00:27:01,030 --> 00:27:02,909
that this was the book
666
00:27:02,909 --> 00:27:05,080
and to write about fatness,
667
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,251
being gang�
668
00:27:07,251 --> 00:27:08,880
Yeah, it wasn't great,
669
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,675
And, ,,[chuckles]
670
00:27:10,675 --> 00:27:12,344
It's fine, I'm 43,
671
00:27:12,344 --> 00:27:15,058
I gained a lot of weight
672
00:27:15,058 --> 00:27:16,979
because I just thought,
673
00:27:16,979 --> 00:27:18,858
"they won't hurt me again,
674
00:27:18,858 --> 00:27:22,239
defend myself, or they won't
675
00:27:22,239 --> 00:27:24,494
And then it kind of
676
00:27:24,494 --> 00:27:27,124
And so I wanted to write
677
00:27:27,124 --> 00:27:29,838
�
678
00:27:29,838 --> 00:27:34,096
this nationwide
679
00:27:34,096 --> 00:27:36,644
rape culture
680
00:27:36,644 --> 00:27:39,273
And in my opinion,
681
00:27:39,273 --> 00:27:41,236
at the forefront of that,
682
00:27:41,236 --> 00:27:42,697
And, uh, ,,
683
00:27:42,697 --> 00:27:45,077
why do you think
684
00:27:45,077 --> 00:27:47,749
this is a national
685
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,670
Right now?
686
00:27:49,670 --> 00:27:51,966
I think women
687
00:27:51,966 --> 00:27:54,345
Like enough, We've been
688
00:27:54,345 --> 00:27:56,642
Our mothers dealt with it,
689
00:27:56,642 --> 00:28:00,942
And we see so many
690
00:28:00,942 --> 00:28:03,906
because of their mediocrity
691
00:28:03,906 --> 00:28:06,870
and sometimes it's time
692
00:28:06,870 --> 00:28:08,541
"These are the things
693
00:28:08,541 --> 00:28:12,047
"and these smug fuckers
694
00:28:12,047 --> 00:28:14,260
reaping the benefits
695
00:28:14,260 --> 00:28:16,640
and it's wonderful to see,
696
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,644
[applause]
697
00:28:18,644 --> 00:28:21,232
[cheering]
698
00:28:24,823 --> 00:28:27,453
�
699
00:28:27,453 --> 00:28:29,415
until men change,
700
00:28:29,415 --> 00:28:32,171
What would you say to men who
701
00:28:32,171 --> 00:28:33,758
�
702
00:28:33,758 --> 00:28:36,054
When you're hanging out
703
00:28:36,054 --> 00:28:38,391
and they make degrading
704
00:28:38,391 --> 00:28:40,395
which is not to say
705
00:28:40,395 --> 00:28:42,817
We all talk about sex,
706
00:28:42,817 --> 00:28:44,571
We talk so much shit,
707
00:28:44,571 --> 00:28:47,242
It's my favorite thing to do,
708
00:28:47,242 --> 00:28:49,330
But I think you know
709
00:28:49,330 --> 00:28:52,127
when your buds are, like,
710
00:28:52,127 --> 00:28:53,881
it's time to start
711
00:28:53,881 --> 00:28:57,972
And when you hear stories
712
00:28:57,972 --> 00:29:00,477
call them on it,
713
00:29:00,477 --> 00:29:03,693
This is not a story
714
00:29:03,693 --> 00:29:05,195
by, you know,
715
00:29:05,195 --> 00:29:06,657
which I thought was great,
716
00:29:06,657 --> 00:29:08,410
But we don't have to tell
717
00:29:08,410 --> 00:29:10,372
You know our stories,
718
00:29:10,372 --> 00:29:12,376
to just grow the fuck up
719
00:29:12,376 --> 00:29:14,506
that, no, you can't
720
00:29:14,506 --> 00:29:17,052
It's just�
721
00:29:17,052 --> 00:29:20,016
[laughter]
722
00:29:20,016 --> 00:29:21,729
[applause]
723
00:29:21,729 --> 00:29:24,400
�
724
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,195
awful times,
725
00:29:26,195 --> 00:29:28,868
�
726
00:29:28,868 --> 00:29:30,663
A�
727
00:29:30,663 --> 00:29:31,915
�
728
00:29:31,915 --> 00:29:33,418
[laughter]
729
00:29:33,418 --> 00:29:35,005
�
730
00:29:35,005 --> 00:29:37,259
�
731
00:29:37,259 --> 00:29:39,054
"I could have done this,
732
00:29:39,054 --> 00:29:40,558
but I was tired,"
733
00:29:40,558 --> 00:29:42,436
�
734
00:29:42,436 --> 00:29:45,025
we're being rope�
735
00:29:45,025 --> 00:29:46,194
�
736
00:29:46,194 --> 00:29:48,156
there are like 100 news stories
737
00:29:48,156 --> 00:29:50,828
when there used to be like 10,
738
00:29:50,828 --> 00:29:52,540
and now it's just
739
00:29:52,540 --> 00:29:54,669
And things that would normally
740
00:29:54,669 --> 00:29:56,422
are on the 23rd page
741
00:29:56,422 --> 00:29:58,761
because so much batshit
742
00:29:58,761 --> 00:30:01,767
since 5:00 a, m,
743
00:30:01,767 --> 00:30:04,523
and decided to use his fat
744
00:30:04,523 --> 00:30:06,568
I don't use fat
745
00:30:06,568 --> 00:30:08,196
It's just a fact,
746
00:30:08,196 --> 00:30:10,910
And, um, ,,
747
00:30:10,910 --> 00:30:13,081
[stammers]
748
00:30:13,081 --> 00:30:15,503
and it's hard to believe
749
00:30:15,503 --> 00:30:17,297
a way out of this,
750
00:30:17,297 --> 00:30:19,553
to feel hopeful
751
00:30:19,553 --> 00:30:21,890
But, at the same time, ,,
752
00:30:21,890 --> 00:30:24,019
�
753
00:30:24,019 --> 00:30:26,525
You know, I do feel hope,
754
00:30:26,525 --> 00:30:30,156
and I do that because, ,,
755
00:30:30,156 --> 00:30:31,827
life is long,
756
00:30:31,827 --> 00:30:33,204
and, ,,
757
00:30:33,204 --> 00:30:35,375
�
758
00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:37,922
They just can't last
759
00:30:37,922 --> 00:30:39,801
thank goodness,
760
00:30:39,801 --> 00:30:42,765
I just think that
761
00:30:42,765 --> 00:30:44,310
since Trump was elected
762
00:30:44,310 --> 00:30:45,980
has been really encouraging,
763
00:30:45,980 --> 00:30:48,276
I've been really surprised
764
00:30:48,276 --> 00:30:50,615
because I was so stunned
765
00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:54,455
and so disappointed
766
00:30:54,455 --> 00:30:58,631
that I couldn't believe
767
00:30:58,631 --> 00:31:01,218
But we have, and, ,,
768
00:31:01,218 --> 00:31:03,431
�
769
00:31:03,431 --> 00:31:05,435
a lot of great writing,
770
00:31:05,435 --> 00:31:09,151
which is, ,,so shallow,
771
00:31:09,151 --> 00:31:11,823
�
772
00:31:11,823 --> 00:31:13,994
one wish�
773
00:31:13,994 --> 00:31:16,667
or Channing Tatum
774
00:31:16,667 --> 00:31:18,252
�
775
00:31:18,252 --> 00:31:21,050
I shouldn't have to
776
00:31:21,050 --> 00:31:22,720
�
777
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,518
�
778
00:31:25,518 --> 00:31:27,605
�
779
00:31:27,605 --> 00:31:29,316
I'll go with world peace,
780
00:31:29,316 --> 00:31:31,947
�
781
00:31:31,947 --> 00:31:35,078
[applause]
782
00:31:35,078 --> 00:31:36,999
I know that you're
783
00:31:36,999 --> 00:31:38,459
�
784
00:31:38,459 --> 00:31:39,921
�
785
00:31:39,921 --> 00:31:41,883
�
786
00:31:41,883 --> 00:31:45,265
open it up, and you have to
787
00:31:45,265 --> 00:31:48,312
�
788
00:31:48,312 --> 00:31:50,860
�
789
00:31:50,860 --> 00:31:52,112
Oh!
790
00:31:52,112 --> 00:31:53,907
[laughing]
791
00:31:53,907 --> 00:31:55,911
�
792
00:31:55,911 --> 00:31:58,207
It's what I want,
793
00:31:58,207 --> 00:32:01,338
�
794
00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:03,301
�
795
00:32:03,301 --> 00:32:05,598
and one of the writers
796
00:32:05,598 --> 00:32:07,350
Diona Reasonover saw it,
797
00:32:07,350 --> 00:32:09,438
and she's laid up
798
00:32:09,438 --> 00:32:11,902
and while she's been
799
00:32:11,902 --> 00:32:14,699
she made you a nose mitten,
800
00:32:14,699 --> 00:32:16,118
�
801
00:32:16,118 --> 00:32:17,705
Wow!
802
00:32:17,705 --> 00:32:19,876
[applause]
803
00:32:19,876 --> 00:32:21,671
�
804
00:32:21,671 --> 00:32:23,382
I can't�
805
00:32:23,382 --> 00:32:25,513
You don't have to try it on,
806
00:32:25,513 --> 00:32:27,517
�
807
00:32:27,517 --> 00:32:30,396
�
808
00:32:30,396 --> 00:32:32,150
[giggling]
809
00:32:32,150 --> 00:32:35,115
The thing is,
810
00:32:35,115 --> 00:32:39,039
[cheers and applause]
811
00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:41,418
�
812
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:43,464
Okay,
813
00:32:43,464 --> 00:32:45,928
Thank you so much, Roxane,
814
00:32:45,928 --> 00:32:47,974
�
815
00:32:47,974 --> 00:32:49,351
That is our show,
816
00:32:49,351 --> 00:32:51,355
I hope you all have
817
00:32:51,355 --> 00:32:52,859
and most importantly,
818
00:32:52,859 --> 00:32:55,155
a Merry Christmas,
819
00:32:55,155 --> 00:32:57,910
[cheers and applause]
820
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,423
Hey, Jesus,
821
00:33:04,423 --> 00:33:06,177
I got you a birthday present,
822
00:33:06,177 --> 00:33:09,141
�
823
00:33:09,141 --> 00:33:11,478
Classic,
824
00:33:11,478 --> 00:33:13,024
Oh, wow!
825
00:33:13,024 --> 00:33:14,527
[fart]
826
00:33:14,527 --> 00:33:16,322
It sounds like a human fart,
827
00:33:16,322 --> 00:33:19,203
Human fart? Why? What does
828
00:33:19,203 --> 00:33:21,248
�
829
00:33:21,248 --> 00:33:22,710
�
830
00:33:22,710 --> 00:33:24,379
Oh, my�
831
00:33:24,379 --> 00:33:25,716
[gags]
832
00:33:25,716 --> 00:33:27,052
Oh, my God, that's awful,
833
00:33:27,052 --> 00:33:28,471
�
834
00:33:28,471 --> 00:33:31,185
salmon and shit!
835
00:33:31,185 --> 00:33:33,481
Well, I got you a present,
836
00:33:33,481 --> 00:33:34,943
�
837
00:33:34,943 --> 00:33:36,153
�
838
00:33:36,153 --> 00:33:37,657
�
839
00:33:37,657 --> 00:33:38,784
�
840
00:33:38,784 --> 00:33:41,330
Noice!
841
00:33:41,330 --> 00:33:44,169
Hey!
842
00:33:44,169 --> 00:33:46,257
�
843
00:33:46,257 --> 00:33:48,219
�
844
00:33:48,219 --> 00:33:49,388
It's great for travel,
845
00:33:49,388 --> 00:33:51,726
�
846
00:33:51,726 --> 00:33:53,104
[heavenly choir]
847
00:33:54,899 --> 00:33:56,235
That was my chair,
848
00:33:58,907 --> 00:34:02,122
Good night, America,
849
00:34:02,122 --> 00:34:05,128
[cheers and applause]
850
00:34:05,128 --> 00:34:08,092
[theme music plays]
851
00:34:08,092 --> 00:34:12,392
? ?
852
00:34:12,392 --> 00:34:19,364
MAN: [vocalizing]
853
00:34:19,364 --> 00:34:26,378
? ?
854
00:34:26,428 --> 00:34:30,978
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