Original subtitles

You've probably heard what's happening

in the news recently regarding sexual assault,

especially in the entertainment industry.

And, to be clear, it's not just Hollywood.

It's everywhere, like this stuff happens in bakeries too.

It's just not getting written up in the "New York Times."

This recent calling out of sexual assault

has been a long time coming.

It's good. It's like cutting out tumors.

It's messy and it's complicated and it is gonna hurt,

but it's necessary, and we'll all be healthier for it.

And it sucks, and some of our heroes will be taken down

and we will discover bad things about people we like

or, in some cases, people we love.

Let's just say it. I'm talking about Louis.

And I've of course been asked to comment,

and in full honesty, I really...

I really, really, really don't want to.

I, uh, I wish I could sit this one out.

But then I remembered something I said on this very show,

that if it's mentionable, it's manageable.

So, uh, I'm gonna address the elephant

masturbating in the room.

And, uh... in full disclosure,

I'm still processing all this shite.

But here's where I'm at on it as of this moment.

It could change tomorrow,

and if it does, I will keep you posted.

One of my best friends of over 25 years,

Louis C. K., masturbated in front of women.

He wielded his power with women in...

fucked up ways,

sometimes to the point where they left comedy entirely.

I could...

I could couch this with heart-warming stories

of our friendship and what a great dad he is, but...

that's totally irrelevant, isn't it?

Um... yes, it is.

It's a real mind fuck, you know, because I...

I love Louis.

But Louis did these things.

Both of those statements are true.

So I just keep asking myself,

"Can you love someone who did bad things?

Can you still love them?"

I can mull that over later, certainly,

because the only people that matter right now

are the victims. They are victims,

and they're victims because of something he did.

So I hope it's okay if I am at once very angry

for the women he wronged and the culture that enabled it

and also sad because he's my friend.

But... I believe with all my heart

that this moment in time is essential.

It's vital that people

are held accountable for their actions,

no matter who they are.

We need to be better. We will be better.

I can't fucking wait to be better.

? Shave it off, stay alive, open wide ?

? Show us how to conquer first and then divide ?

? Don't know if we're stayin' long, stayin' long ?

? Used to staying weak ?

? And now we're staying strong ?

? We don't wanna go where we do not belong ?

? Lonely as the day is long, day is long ?

It's my favorite Mohel and yours,

Sarah Silverman!

- You guys!

Stop it!

Come on. Am I on my mark?

Here it is.

Thank you.

Oh, how I love this group.

It's the perfect combination of people.

You're exactly what I needed tonight.

I really love it. Oh, my gosh.

Hello. Hello, ladies and germs.

Ha ha, that's so... You know what, I bet people

who say "ladies and germs" would love people who say

like, uh, "Smell ya later."

We should introduce them. Have they not met?

Hi, home audience. All right.

Today I wanna talk a little bit about hate speech.

Okay? To some people it probably feels like

hate speech is making a comeback.

It's on Reddit and Twitter and Facebook,

and it's constant, and it's verified.

I mean, look at this...

Okay, this is a headline from 1940s Eastern Europe.

Just kidding! This is from this weekend!

Oh!

- Thousands of... Aw...

No, well, it didn't really make the news,

so I'll be your news.

Thousands of people took to the streets

with the goal of... get this...

An even whiter Poland.

This shit is real. So the march demanded

the ethnic cleansing of Jews and Muslims,

and if this doesn't bring Jews and Muslims together,

I don't know what will.

It's literally the classic buddy movie formula.

And while, yes, hate groups have been emboldened

by our current administration, of course,

as a Jew with a Twitter account,

I could have told you it never went away.

I mean, since this monologue started,

30 people online have told me

I'm a horse-faced Jew who should

jump in an oven, but... AUDIENCE: Oh!

- Oh, right. This is new to you.

Like, it must be jarring to hear these things.

I'm so dead inside, I, uh...

it surprises me to hear group empathy, but...

why speculate when we have actual online comments

right here. Okay, let's see.

- Oh! - Oh, you guys are so sweet.

Really, I'm okay.

This happens multiple times a day.

Uh...

Um... but there are some fun ones too.

Oh, I love this.

I actually do love that one. It's creative.

But, um...

but, yeah, the vitriol is fucked up.

It reads as if it were pounded out

on a... a keyboard encrusted with angry tears and dried semen.

But most importantly...

too soon?

That doesn't work for everything.

But most importantly, the writing is, uh,

leaves something to be desired.

It needs work. So instead of getting mad,

I'm going to try to do something constructive.

If I want to, um... how do I explain this?

You know my dog Mary? We have a picture of Mary.

- There she is. - Awwww!

- She loves a lot of things.

She loves running, she loves getting her belly tickled,

She loves a T-R-E-A... Oh, she's not here.

A treat.

But, and stay with me here,

where her real passion lies is licking her own asshole.

Now...

Even though I do not like what she's doing,

I support her right to do it.

So when she's all coiled up, trying to get her mouth

to her, I'm guessing, delicious anus,

I'll kind of... like spot her,

like I'll push her face closer to her asshole

so she can reach it better.

And that's how I feel about free speech, you know?

I don't like what, say, the KKK says,

but I support their right to say it.

I'll even help! I mean, I am a writer of note.

So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do that now.

I'm gonna punch up their hate speech

I'm gonna help "push their faces"

closer to their assholes," so to speak.

Oh! Thank you!

Um... I need to walk to the...

Allan, can you put up a card up

to cover my walk to the monitor?

? I'm punchin' up hate speech ?

? Punchin' up hate speech ?

? I've got floppy shits for tits ?

? And I'm shaped like a ?

? Frii-hii-ii... ?

Oh, we're back. Okay, sorry.

Okay, here we go. We're gonna do this,

let's see, like, this KKK group's website.

Uh... there it is. Okay.

These are the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan,

and here's some of their mission statement.

Okay.

Okay, "racial greetings." That's...

Racial greetings?

I mean, it does, it really explains

where you're coming from right off top, I'll give you that,

but... I don't know, if you go to like the Arby's website,

it doesn't say, "Roast Beef How Are Ya."

The World Cup Website doesn't start with,

"Soccer Hello!"

But, uh, this is you. You're doing you.

Great job. Okay. Moving on.

Oh, so you're not racist! Okay, I had no idea

it's God that wanted to separate the races.

This is liberal bubble stuff. Sorry, uh...

Right, so... yeah, I'd say just tighten it up.

God is racist. Quick, snappy.

Fits on a T-shirt.

Okay, moving on...

Guilty. Um...

I don't know, but besides that,

I wouldn't say they "own" the media.

I mean, they... they write the media,

they're journalists, uh...

You could say they have a real big nose for news.

Um...

Also nitpicky, but Jew owned needs a hyphen

between Jew and owned.

Okay. Moving on.

Uh, you know, you write "the Jew" a lot,

and it sounds like you're talking about

one specific person. Like, who is "the Jew"?

Well, I did a little research,

and I found out who "the Jew" is.

Turns out, it is

"Everybody Loves Raymond" creator Phil Rosenthal!

- Hi, hi.

I'm the Jew.

- He loves stirring the race pot

and selling his filth with hate

right into your homes every night.

Really, Phil, you are so bad.

-

What can I say?

I hate Christ and control the banks.

Writing "Everybody Loves Raymond"

was just my cover, really, because I'm very sneaky.

- Oh! Phil "the Jew" Rosenthal, everyone!

Thank you, Phil!

Okay, back to helping the KKK.

Wow, so much to unpack here. Jew Tube, uh,

really fun wordplay.

Yeah, that one was really palpable.

Like I feel like I might get killed by someone

who reads your site, which is, you know,

right on the money, so I guess, um... great job.

I'm actually terrified.

Hoods off to you, sirs.

Well, that was a bit where I joyfully punched up

some KKK hate speech, but you know, I'm...

if I'm really being honest with myself,

I did it to expose the fact that this shit is rampant.

And by the way, the KKK is your grandpa's hate site.

There is way more scary shit out there.

People hate Jews.

I mean, this isn't me being a victim.

It's just a true statement.

I mean, obviously not all people hate Jews.

But certainly more people than there are Jews.

Like if it was a teacher/student ratio,

we'd be so lucky.

Jews are 1/5 of 1%

of the entire world's population, and yet...

Wait. Well, let me just make sure, actually.

I'm not even positive. Hey, Siri,

How many Jews are in the world?

- Too... many.

- God damn it! Even computers hate us!

People don't even want us to play golf near them.

Nice pivot, Sarah!

There's a country club in L. A.

That was historically known to be "restricted."

AKA, No Jews.

Now, I won't mention

this Los Angeles country club by name,

but we decided to open up a Jew-friendly,

more inclusive putt-putt course

directly across the street from them.

Think of it as like a Holocaust Museum,

but even more fun. Take a look.

- Hi. I'm Melvin Melnick!

Come on down to Mashugana Mel's

Putz Putz course!

We've got the most Jewy holes you can believe.

Like this one.

- Oh! - Talk about a water trap!

Oy vey!

I had Jews build these pyramids too.

Ooh! This time, they got paid!

I'm schvitzing balls!

We've even added these new fancy headsets

to teach the little ones about Jew history.

Adolf Hitler started off as a painter,

but because he had a micropenis,

he decided to kill Jews instead.

Gut job, Jew! You got a heil in one!

Soon Yi!

- And if you think this Mel is Mashugana,

check out this hole.

You should just smile and blow me!

You just hack-sawed my ridge!

- Sugar tits! - If you don't get

too tired or cold play our final hole

while you try to get into a restricted country club!

- - What's wrong with this hole? - Nothing!

They just don't like people...

in "show business."

You know what I mean?

So come on down

to Mashugana Mel's Putz Putz course!

On Highway 5!

- Finally, one for the Jews.

We'll be right back.

- I'm Melvin Melnick.

Come on down to Mashugana...

- Mel's! - Cut.

Michael, the bagel's still not high enough.

- Oh. You know this is a donut, right?

- Yeah, we'll change it in post.

It's so hard to find talented Jewish actors,

but with technology, we can use the greatest actors

of our time and literally turn them Jewish.

- Gah-gah-guh-gu...

And with cutting-edge voice technology,

it really gives it that authentic Jewish sound.

- Hi. I'm Mashugana Mel.

I'm Mashugana Mel. I'm Mashugana Mel.

I'm Mashugana Mel.

I'm Mashugana Mel.

- Come on down to Mashugana Mel's Putz Putz course!

- When I got my own show,

people always asked me the same thing...

Are you gonna run errands on it?

Well, I've got great news for you.

You bet your sweet ass I am.

Usually, these field pieces are about being open-minded.

Um... this is not one of them. Take a look.

You know that saying you choose your glasses

but you can't choose the guy who sells them to you?

I'm here at my favorite glasses store.

They have the best glasses in the world, but...

the guy who owns the place...

every time I come in,

we just get in crazy political fights,

and I fucking hate him. He's an asshole.

His name is Jack, and here's what we know about him.

Number one, he's a middle-aged guy from Hollywood

whose family emigrated here from the Soviet Union

as political refugees sometime when he was a kid.

Number two, he's Jewish, which is totally obvious to me,

but here's another way you can tell.

He dyes his $1,000-glasses frames

using a recycled Gatorade bottle and plastic knives.

And I don't have visual proof of this,

but I'm pretty positive his briefcase is a CVS bag.

Number three, he's a gun-loving Trump voter

who spews total insanity, but God damn it,

his glasses are top-shelf, so fuck it.

Here I am.

- Hi! - Hello.

- Ugh. - Oh, God.

It's Bernie supporter. Gee.

I got a shirt for you to wear. - Whatever it is,

I don't want it, and I don't wear that size. - All red.

Look at the blue spots. - Do you know how many people

live in the red area and how many people

- live in the blue areas? - Yes.

This is all welfare states,

and this is all Section 8 housing.

- Oh, really? New York City... - Yeah.

- Los Angeles, San Francisco. Seattle...

- Modern-day slavery... - Florida...

- And you guys wanna change... - The cool parts of Texas.

- You wanna get rid of the electoral college...

- No, your boyfriend wanted to get rid of

the electoral college. - He's not my boyfriend.

- He wanted to get rid of the electoral college

when Obama won, didn't he?

- No, he didn't. Facts to liberals

are like kryptonite to Superman.

- I know you love the bumper sticker headlines

of "Breitbart"... - No. Larry Elder said so.

- Can I look at those?

Look, here's what's really scary.

Ford created the middle class in this country.

Now the globalists are trying to get rid of middle class.

They want the filthy rich...

and they want the working poor

so they can control the shit outta us.

At this point, you may be thinking,

"Why is she subjecting herself

to this talking 'Breitbart' post,"

or, "This guys makes some pretty good points,"

or, "She looks really good in those frames,"

in which case, thank you.

- To go get goddamn malt liquor

in a goddamn liquor store and shit,

they got ID this fucking long,

20 I. D. s to get malt liquor.

But have your God-given right as a citizen...

"Oh, I-I can't get no I. D."

Bullshit. It's all bullshit.

It's... Why? Because they have...

Look, they changed my shit. - Can I try on

my fucking glasses? - I go to vote over there,

they told me, "You're doing voting by mail."

What kinda bullshit is that? I never changed that shit.

- Are these too small for my face?

- Uh...

no, it's cool.

Obama almost destroyed us.

Hillary was gonna polish us off.

Why do you think Trump won? You wanna put money on it?

I'll guarantee you, I'll bet you ten pairs

- of glasses for free... - Ooh.

- That Trump gonna get re-elected.

- Okay. - Ten pairs of glasses.

- Any glasses I want. - I don't give a shit

which ones... I got over there stuff for 10, 15 grand.

Ten pairs of glasses,

I guarantee you he gets re-elected,

or you pay double. - This is on film.

- Or you pay double! - You got it.

Little does he know, if I lose,

I will absolutely not be back.

Where do you get your facts?

- Right here. - Oh.

- I'm... I'm a genius. I said Trump was gonna win.

He won. You're gonna come back here

when he's re-elected on a huge landslide.

You're gonna say, "Fuck, this guy should be in politics."

He's practically a genius." - Can you take these out

so I can see what they look like as glasses?

- You're gonna see. Trump... - Can you not...

Like, your hands... - For 30 years...

For 30 years, he did not wanna be in politics.

- Ew. - What's wrong with those?

- They don't look good on me. - For 30 years,

he didn't wanna be in politics, okay?

- Why do you think he didn't show any of his tax forms?

- That's none of your business, and I don't really care.

What do I care? I want somebody successful.

- Could you imagine if Hillary wouldn't show

any of her tax forms?

Be honest... Do you ever ask yourself,

"How would I feel if this was Hillary?"

- Hillary is sick... Stop it, don't talk too much shit

about Killary. She already had 50,

60 people killed. It's well-known. Come on!

- What are you doing? - This country's

- turning disgusting. - Oh, God,

please don't pull up a picture of a woman

in a burka you took at the DMV.

- What the hell is that? Full-blown fucking burka

in the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Her husband behind her looks like a terrorist kingpin.

Look at that... Pakistani terrorists.

- They look like somebody's grandpa.

- My ass. - Your YELP reviews all

call you racist, by the way. - I know, they're assholes.

I got four black employees.

I got a little Armenian employee.

Okay? I don't hire no illegals. I hire legal citizens.

- Oh, my God, you have black people work for you? - I'm not a racist.

- You have a wife too. It doesn't make you a feminist.

- You're giving me shit that I'm married almost 20 years.

Oh, my God, who would tolerate you?

- She doesn't speak English. - Why should she speak English?

She's a fucking psychologist.

- Are you sure you're really married,

or is this like... she's writing a book?

- Yeah.

- Ugh. I'm gonna have to get lenses for these.

- I am a licensed optician. - I don't wanna give you

a fucking extra penny!

I know this show is about listening

and trying to understand each other

and shit like that.

And, look, this piece is in no way an example of that,

but there's just something about

that Jewishy Italiany way of fighting

where it's pure fire

and expression and vitriol.

But at the end of the day, there's kind of no love lost.

Look, I fucking hate this motherfucker's guts,

but... I don't know.

If he got, like, really sick, would I worry

and bring him soup? Eh. Maybe.

- Why the fuck do you even come here?

- Because I'm trying to show that people

with two different ideologies can get along, you fuck!

Can I see these?

- My guest tonight was a skinhead at 14

and a neo-Nazi leader by the time he was 16.

He now devotes his life to helping people

leave extremist groups.

Please welcome Christian Picciolini.

I enjoy saying your last name.

- Picciolini. - Like a peach.

- Picciolini. - Like a peach.

- You're like a peach. - Aw...

- Okay, let's get into this.

Uh, you've said that, um...

we have a homegrown terrorism epidemic

in this country. Can you explain that?

- Yeah. Since 9/11, more Americans have been killed

on U. S. soil by white supremacists

than by any other foreign

or domestic terrorist group combined.

Yet, we still don't call it terrorism.

We call it, you know, fluffy words,

like white nationalism or the alt right.

Those are words that they've given themselves, by the way.

Let's just call it what it is. It's white supremacy,

and it's white terrorism.

- Yes. Sorry.

I don't usually start applause breaks,

but that's so true. I think you said this...

They rebrand themselves,

- and that's dangerous. - They do.

- Is what it is. - And actually, we started

that process 30 years ago.

We recognized we were turning away

even average American white racists.

Shaved heads and the swastikas

were apparently too much for them.

And we said we need to look like them,

we need to sound like them,

and we need to be where they are.

So we traded in our boots for suits,

we went to college campuses, recruited there,

got jobs in law enforcement, went to the military.

And here we are 30 years later

and, uh, you know, they look like Brooks Brothers.

- That should not be a campaign for Brooks Brothers,

but it did cross my mind.

Um, how does one become a skinhead at 14?

- Uh... - Asking for a friend.

- Asking for a friend. I don't do those referrals

anymore. You know, I was a lonely kid.

I came from a good family, but my parents are immigrants

who came from Italy, and they worked really hard,

and I was lonely and felt abandoned growing up.

And one day when I was 14,

I was standing in an alley smoking a joint...

It is not the gateway drug to white supremacy.

Let me just say that. - It isn't, no.

This is not against weed,

because weed is also the drug of peace.

Sorry.

- But America's first neo-Nazi skinhead leader

walked up to me... He snatched the joint from my mouth

and he said, "That's what the Jews and the communists"

want you to do to keep you docile."

I was 14... I didn't even know what a communist or a Jew was,

and I definitely didn't know what the word docile was.

But it was the first time in my life

that I felt like somebody was paying attention to me,

and I wanted to belong.

And in fact, most people that I've worked with

to disengage from hate groups

they'll all answer the same thing

when I ask 'em why did they join.

Because they wanted to belong. They were marginalized,

and that was the group that brought them in.

- Yeah, I interviewed Megan Phelps-Roper,

and she said a similar... And you're friends with her.

- She's a friend of mine. She's great.

- I remember her saying in that interview, like,

these aren't bad people. They're people, who,

in a vulnerable time in their lives

were swayed by bad ideas. - That's true.

And I think that that's the secret.

The secret to... to stopping people

from becoming extremists is to understand

that, in most cases, they're not monsters.

They're broken human beings who are doing monstrous things.

- What is the process? How do you do that?

How do you lure people away from extremism?

- Well, I don't tell them that they're wrong.

I don't argue with them.

I don't debate them. Instead, I listen.

And I listen for those potholes, you know,

what is it that deviated them down that path?

And then I become a pothole filler.

I get people job training or life coaching,

tattoo removal, mental health counseling.

And when they start to feel more resilient,

when they're more confident about themselves,

then they don't have to blame the other anymore.

But I don't stop there. I challenge their ideology,

and I introduce them to the people

that they think that they hate.

And the demonization that happens in their head,

the prejudice just starts to crack

once they actually meet the people,

because they start to humanize

and they start to relate to them.

- Um, so this is a picture of you at Dachau

giving a heil Hitler.

How did you eventually walk away from that,

from that life?

- That guy looks freaked out right there.

- He does. - I'm just realizing that.

So it was '92 when that picture was taken,

and I was in a band performing in Germany

singing racist music.

How I got out was in '95.

I opened a record store after having a son, two sons,

and getting married at 19,

and starting to question, you know,

what my priorities were.

Was I this hatemonger or was I, you know,

a father and a husband?

Was my community the one

that I'd manufactured around me

to boost my own ego,

or was it the one I'd physically given life to?

And I started to question these things,

and then at the record store, I started to meet people

that I'd kept outside my social circle.

Even though I was selling white power music,

I also sold punk rock and hip-hop,

and I started to meet blacks and Jews

and gay people for the first time in my life

and have a meaningful dialogue.

And I realized, gosh, they're more similar to me

than I am with these folks who I've surrounded myself with.

- I'm always inspired when people are...

When people change.

With new information, they let themselves be changed.

Okay, so when you hear the leaders of our nation speaking,

what do you hear?

- You know, people talk about dog whistles,

you know, using code words to appeal to, you know,

a certain base. I hear...

I hear a bullhorn. I hear it loud and clear.

So many of the things that are coming out

of this administration

are things that I used to say 30 years ago.

But they're using slightly more palatable words now.

Instead of saying, you know, "the Jew-owned media,"

now they call it "the liberal media."

Or instead of calling it "the global Jewish conspiracy,"

they call it "globalism."

- With everything that Trump has done,

I have to say, when he came out on Holocaust Remembrance Day

and wouldn't mention Jews,

I was shaken a little bit.

'Cause that was really loud. - Yeah.

Or equivocating white supremacists

to protestors of neo-Nazis.

- Both sides. Uchh!

- "Good people on both sides." Right.

Isn't that what he said? - Amazing.

- Yeah. - Good potential people

on both sides. - But see, here's the thing

with that, Sarah, is

there may have been people there that looked normal,

but they've changed. They're not gonna be marching

with hoods and shaved heads anymore.

And there were people there waving flags.

But the people who were there, you know,

for Confederate monuments... that's bullshit.

They were not there for free speech.

They were not there for Confederate monuments.

They only march in areas where they know progressives live.

That's why they marched in Berkeley,

and that's why they marched in Charlottesville.

They want to provoke. Nazis or any extremists,

they love two things... Silence and violence.

If we're silent, they grow. They fester.

We sweep it under the rug, and then we tell ourselves,

"Oh, I'm surprised that that exists."

Rallies like Charlottesville have been happening

for decades, every month across, you know,

the United States. And I hate to be fatalistic,

but they also love violence, because when we are...

aggressive against them in a violent way,

they use it as a victim narrative,

and they use that to recruit and they say,

"See? We're not the haters. We're the ones who are hated."

So do what they did in Boston,

and 40,000 people should surround every Nazi rally

and show them that we see them, we hold them accountable,

but at the same time, you know,

we're gonna offer them a lifeline...

Come on out if you want. - Come on out, join us.

Join us.

What advice would you give us?

- Because compassion is what changed me,

I challenge your audience, go out there today...

And I challenge you too,

even though you do this already...

Is find somebody that's undeserving of your compassion

and give it to them, because I guarantee you

that they're the ones that need it the most.

- Christian Picciolini, thank you so much.

You're so special.

- Thank you.

- Wow, what a show!

Thanks for watching,

and my thanks to Phil Rosenthal

and Carl Reiner and, uh, Michael Sheen,

and Michael Sheen as Carl Reiner.

And Christian Picciolini. And, as always,

good night, America. I "lerve" you.

Racial good-bye!

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