All language subtitles for I Love You America s01e06 Christian Picciolini.eng

You've probably heard
what's happening

in the news recently
regarding sexual assault,

especially
in the entertainment industry.

And, to be clear,
it's not just Hollywood.

It's everywhere, like this
stuff happens in bakeries too.

It's just not getting written
up in the "New York Times."

This recent calling out
of sexual assault

has been a long time coming.

It's good.
It's like cutting out tumors.

It's messy and it's complicated
and it is gonna hurt,

but it's necessary, and
we'll all be healthier for it.

And it sucks, and some of
our heroes will be taken down

and we will discover bad things
about people we like

or, in some cases,
people we love.

Let's just say it.
I'm talking about Louis.

And I've of course
been asked to comment,

and in full honesty, I really...

I really, really,
really don't want to.

I, uh, I wish I could
sit this one out.

But then I remembered something
I said on this very show,

that if it's mentionable,
it's manageable.

So, uh, I'm gonna address
the elephant

masturbating in the room.

And, uh... in full disclosure,

I'm still processing
all this shite.

But here's where I'm at on it
as of this moment.

It could change tomorrow,

and if it does,
I will keep you posted.

One of my best friends
of over 25 years,

Louis C. K.,
masturbated in front of women.

He wielded his power
with women in...

fucked up ways,

sometimes to the point where
they left comedy entirely.

I could...

I could couch this
with heart-warming stories

of our friendship and what
a great dad he is, but...

that's totally irrelevant,
isn't it?

Um... yes, it is.

It's a real mind fuck,
you know, because I...

I love Louis.

But Louis did these things.

Both of those statements
are true.

So I just keep asking myself,

"Can you love someone
who did bad things?

Can you still love them?"

I can mull that over later,
certainly,

because the only people
that matter right now

are the victims.
They are victims,

and they're victims because of
something he did.

So I hope it's okay
if I am at once very angry

for the women he wronged
and the culture that enabled it

and also sad
because he's my friend.

But... I believe
with all my heart

that this moment in time
is essential.

It's vital that people

are held accountable
for their actions,

no matter who they are.

We need to be better.
We will be better.

I can't fucking wait
to be better.

? Shave it off,
stay alive, open wide ?

? Show us how to conquer first
and then divide ?

? Don't know if we're
stayin' long, stayin' long ?

? Used to staying weak ?

? And now we're staying strong ?

? We don't wanna go
where we do not belong ?

? Lonely as the day is long,
day is long ?

It's my favorite
Mohel and yours,

Sarah Silverman!

- You guys!

Stop it!

Come on. Am I on my mark?

Here it is.

Thank you.

Oh, how I love this group.

It's the perfect
combination of people.

You're exactly
what I needed tonight.

I really love it. Oh, my gosh.

Hello. Hello, ladies and germs.

Ha ha, that's so...
You know what, I bet people

who say "ladies and germs"
would love people who say

like, uh, "Smell ya later."

We should introduce them.
Have they not met?

Hi, home audience. All right.

Today I wanna talk a little
bit about hate speech.

Okay? To some people
it probably feels like

hate speech
is making a comeback.

It's on Reddit
and Twitter and Facebook,

and it's constant,
and it's verified.

I mean, look at this...

Okay, this is a headline
from 1940s Eastern Europe.

Just kidding!
This is from this weekend!

Oh!

- Thousands of... Aw...

No, well, it didn't
really make the news,

so I'll be your news.

Thousands of people
took to the streets

with the goal of... get this...

An even whiter Poland.

This shit is real.
So the march demanded

the ethnic cleansing
of Jews and Muslims,

and if this doesn't bring
Jews and Muslims together,

I don't know what will.

It's literally the classic
buddy movie formula.

And while, yes, hate groups
have been emboldened

by our current administration,
of course,

as a Jew with a Twitter account,

I could have told you
it never went away.

I mean, since
this monologue started,

30 people online have told me

I'm a horse-faced Jew who should

jump in an oven, but...
AUDIENCE: Oh!

- Oh, right. This is new to you.

Like, it must be jarring
to hear these things.

I'm so dead inside, I, uh...

it surprises me to hear
group empathy, but...

why speculate when we have
actual online comments

right here. Okay, let's see.

- Oh!
- Oh, you guys are so sweet.

Really, I'm okay.

This happens multiple times
a day.

Uh...

Um... but there are
some fun ones too.

Oh, I love this.

I actually do love that one.
It's creative.

But, um...

but, yeah, the vitriol is
fucked up.

It reads as if it were
pounded out

on a... a keyboard encrusted with
angry tears and dried semen.

But most importantly...

too soon?

That doesn't work
for everything.

But most importantly,
the writing is, uh,

leaves something to be desired.

It needs work.
So instead of getting mad,

I'm going to try to do
something constructive.

If I want to, um...
how do I explain this?

You know my dog Mary?
We have a picture of Mary.

- There she is.
- Awwww!

- She loves a lot of things.

She loves running, she loves
getting her belly tickled,

She loves a T-R-E-A...
Oh, she's not here.

A treat.

But, and stay with me here,

where her real passion lies
is licking her own asshole.

Now...

Even though I do not
like what she's doing,

I support her right to do it.

So when she's all coiled up,
trying to get her mouth

to her, I'm guessing,
delicious anus,

I'll kind of... like spot her,

like I'll push her face
closer to her asshole

so she can reach it better.

And that's how I feel
about free speech, you know?

I don't like what, say,
the KKK says,

but I support their right
to say it.

I'll even help!
I mean, I am a writer of note.

So that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna do that now.

I'm gonna punch up
their hate speech

I'm gonna help "push their faces"

closer to their assholes,"
so to speak.

Oh! Thank you!

Um... I need to walk to the...

Allan, can you put up a card up

to cover my walk to the monitor?

? I'm punchin' up hate speech ?

? Punchin' up hate speech ?

? I've got floppy shits
for tits ?

? And I'm shaped like a ?

? Frii-hii-ii... ?

Oh, we're back. Okay, sorry.

Okay, here we go.
We're gonna do this,

let's see, like,
this KKK group's website.

Uh... there it is. Okay.

These are the Loyal White
Knights of the Ku Klux Klan,

and here's some of
their mission statement.

Okay.

Okay, "racial greetings."
That's...

Racial greetings?

I mean, it does,
it really explains

where you're coming from right
off top, I'll give you that,

but... I don't know, if you
go to like the Arby's website,

it doesn't say,
"Roast Beef How Are Ya."

The World Cup Website
doesn't start with,

"Soccer Hello!"

But, uh, this is you.
You're doing you.

Great job. Okay. Moving on.

Oh, so you're not racist!
Okay, I had no idea

it's God that wanted to
separate the races.

This is liberal bubble stuff.
Sorry, uh...

Right, so... yeah,
I'd say just tighten it up.

God is racist. Quick, snappy.

Fits on a T-shirt.

Okay, moving on...

Guilty. Um...

I don't know, but besides that,

I wouldn't say they
"own" the media.

I mean, they... they write
the media,

they're journalists, uh...

You could say they have
a real big nose for news.

Um...

Also nitpicky,
but Jew owned needs a hyphen

between Jew and owned.

Okay. Moving on.

Uh, you know, you write
"the Jew" a lot,

and it sounds like
you're talking about

one specific person.
Like, who is "the Jew"?

Well, I did a little research,

and I found out
who "the Jew" is.

Turns out, it is

"Everybody Loves Raymond"
creator Phil Rosenthal!

- Hi, hi.

I'm the Jew.

- He loves stirring the race pot

and selling his filth with hate

right into your homes
every night.

Really, Phil, you are so bad.

-

What can I say?

I hate Christ
and control the banks.

Writing
"Everybody Loves Raymond"

was just my cover, really,
because I'm very sneaky.

- Oh! Phil "the Jew" Rosenthal,
everyone!

Thank you, Phil!

Okay, back to helping the KKK.

Wow, so much to unpack here.
Jew Tube, uh,

really fun wordplay.

Yeah, that one
was really palpable.

Like I feel like
I might get killed by someone

who reads your site,
which is, you know,

right on the money,
so I guess, um... great job.

I'm actually terrified.

Hoods off to you, sirs.

Well, that was a bit where
I joyfully punched up

some KKK hate speech,
but you know, I'm...

if I'm really being honest
with myself,

I did it to expose the fact
that this shit is rampant.

And by the way, the KKK is
your grandpa's hate site.

There is way more
scary shit out there.

People hate Jews.

I mean, this isn't me
being a victim.

It's just a true statement.

I mean, obviously
not all people hate Jews.

But certainly more people
than there are Jews.

Like if it was
a teacher/student ratio,

we'd be so lucky.

Jews are 1/5 of 1%

of the entire
world's population, and yet...

Wait. Well, let me
just make sure, actually.

I'm not even positive.
Hey, Siri,

How many Jews are in the world?

- Too... many.

- God damn it!
Even computers hate us!

People don't even want us
to play golf near them.

Nice pivot, Sarah!

There's a country club in L. A.

That was historically known
to be "restricted."

AKA, No Jews.

Now, I won't mention

this Los Angeles
country club by name,

but we decided to open up
a Jew-friendly,

more inclusive putt-putt course

directly across
the street from them.

Think of it as like
a Holocaust Museum,

but even more fun. Take a look.

- Hi. I'm Melvin Melnick!

Come on down to Mashugana Mel's

Putz Putz course!

We've got the most Jewy holes
you can believe.

Like this one.

- Oh!
- Talk about a water trap!

Oy vey!

I had Jews build
these pyramids too.

Ooh! This time, they got paid!

I'm schvitzing balls!

We've even added
these new fancy headsets

to teach the little ones
about Jew history.

Adolf Hitler
started off as a painter,

but because he had a micropenis,

he decided to kill Jews instead.

Gut job, Jew!
You got a heil in one!

Soon Yi!

- And if you think
this Mel is Mashugana,

check out this hole.

You should just
smile and blow me!

You just hack-sawed my ridge!

- Sugar tits!
- If you don't get

too tired or cold
play our final hole

while you try to get into
a restricted country club!

- - What's wrong with this hole?
- Nothing!

They just don't like people...

in "show business."

You know what I mean?

So come on down

to Mashugana Mel's
Putz Putz course!

On Highway 5!

- Finally, one for the Jews.

We'll be right back.

- I'm Melvin Melnick.

Come on down to Mashugana...

- Mel's!
- Cut.

Michael, the bagel's
still not high enough.

- Oh. You know this is
a donut, right?

- Yeah, we'll change it in post.

It's so hard
to find talented Jewish actors,

but with technology, we can
use the greatest actors

of our time and literally
turn them Jewish.

- Gah-gah-guh-gu...

And with cutting-edge
voice technology,

it really gives it that
authentic Jewish sound.

- Hi. I'm Mashugana Mel.

I'm Mashugana Mel.
I'm Mashugana Mel.

I'm Mashugana Mel.

I'm Mashugana Mel.

- Come on down to Mashugana
Mel's Putz Putz course!

- When I got my own show,

people always asked me
the same thing...

Are you gonna run errands on it?

Well, I've got
great news for you.

You bet your sweet ass I am.

Usually, these field pieces
are about being open-minded.

Um... this is not one of them.
Take a look.

You know that saying
you choose your glasses

but you can't choose the guy
who sells them to you?

I'm here at my favorite
glasses store.

They have the best glasses
in the world, but...

the guy who owns the place...

every time I come in,

we just get in crazy
political fights,

and I fucking hate him.
He's an asshole.

His name is Jack, and here's
what we know about him.

Number one, he's a middle-aged
guy from Hollywood

whose family emigrated here
from the Soviet Union

as political refugees
sometime when he was a kid.

Number two, he's Jewish,
which is totally obvious to me,

but here's another way
you can tell.

He dyes his $1,000-glasses
frames

using a recycled Gatorade
bottle and plastic knives.

And I don't have visual
proof of this,

but I'm pretty positive
his briefcase is a CVS bag.

Number three, he's a gun-loving
Trump voter

who spews total insanity,
but God damn it,

his glasses are top-shelf,
so fuck it.

Here I am.

- Hi!
- Hello.

- Ugh.
- Oh, God.

It's Bernie supporter. Gee.

I got a shirt for you to wear.
- Whatever it is,

I don't want it, and I don't wear that size.
- All red.

Look at the blue spots.
- Do you know how many people

live in the red area
and how many people

- live in the blue areas?
- Yes.

This is all welfare states,

and this is all
Section 8 housing.

- Oh, really? New York City...
- Yeah.

- Los Angeles, San Francisco.
Seattle...

- Modern-day slavery...
- Florida...

- And you guys wanna change...
- The cool parts of Texas.

- You wanna get rid of
the electoral college...

- No, your boyfriend
wanted to get rid of

the electoral college.
- He's not my boyfriend.

- He wanted to get rid of
the electoral college

when Obama won, didn't he?

- No, he didn't.
Facts to liberals

are like kryptonite to Superman.

- I know you love the
bumper sticker headlines

of "Breitbart"...
- No. Larry Elder said so.

- Can I look at those?

Look, here's what's
really scary.

Ford created the middle class
in this country.

Now the globalists are trying
to get rid of middle class.

They want the filthy rich...

and they want the working poor

so they can control
the shit outta us.

At this point,
you may be thinking,

"Why is she subjecting herself

to this talking
'Breitbart' post,"

or, "This guys makes some
pretty good points,"

or, "She looks really good
in those frames,"

in which case, thank you.

- To go get goddamn malt liquor

in a goddamn liquor store
and shit,

they got ID this fucking long,

20 I. D. s to get malt liquor.

But have your God-given right
as a citizen...

"Oh, I-I can't get no I. D."

Bullshit. It's all bullshit.

It's... Why? Because they have...

Look, they changed my shit.
- Can I try on

my fucking glasses?
- I go to vote over there,

they told me,
"You're doing voting by mail."

What kinda bullshit is that?
I never changed that shit.

- Are these too small
for my face?

- Uh...

no, it's cool.

Obama almost destroyed us.

Hillary was gonna polish us off.

Why do you think Trump won?
You wanna put money on it?

I'll guarantee you,
I'll bet you ten pairs

- of glasses for free...
- Ooh.

- That Trump gonna get
re-elected.

- Okay.
- Ten pairs of glasses.

- Any glasses I want.
- I don't give a shit

which ones... I got over there
stuff for 10, 15 grand.

Ten pairs of glasses,

I guarantee you
he gets re-elected,

or you pay double.
- This is on film.

- Or you pay double!
- You got it.

Little does he know, if I lose,

I will absolutely not be back.

Where do you get your facts?

- Right here.
- Oh.

- I'm... I'm a genius.
I said Trump was gonna win.

He won.
You're gonna come back here

when he's re-elected
on a huge landslide.

You're gonna say, "Fuck,
this guy should be in politics."

He's practically a genius."
- Can you take these out

so I can see what they
look like as glasses?

- You're gonna see. Trump...
- Can you not...

Like, your hands...
- For 30 years...

For 30 years, he did not
wanna be in politics.

- Ew.
- What's wrong with those?

- They don't look good on me.
- For 30 years,

he didn't wanna be
in politics, okay?

- Why do you think he didn't
show any of his tax forms?

- That's none of your business,
and I don't really care.

What do I care?
I want somebody successful.

- Could you imagine
if Hillary wouldn't show

any of her tax forms?

Be honest... Do you ever
ask yourself,

"How would I feel
if this was Hillary?"

- Hillary is sick... Stop it,
don't talk too much shit

about Killary.
She already had 50,

60 people killed.
It's well-known. Come on!

- What are you doing?
- This country's

- turning disgusting.
- Oh, God,

please don't pull up
a picture of a woman

in a burka you took at the DMV.

- What the hell is that?
Full-blown fucking burka

in the Department
of Motor Vehicles.

Her husband behind her looks
like a terrorist kingpin.

Look at that...
Pakistani terrorists.

- They look like
somebody's grandpa.

- My ass.
- Your YELP reviews all

call you racist, by the way.
- I know, they're assholes.

I got four black employees.

I got a little
Armenian employee.

Okay? I don't hire no illegals.
I hire legal citizens.

- Oh, my God, you have black people work for you?
- I'm not a racist.

- You have a wife too.
It doesn't make you a feminist.

- You're giving me shit that
I'm married almost 20 years.

Oh, my God,
who would tolerate you?

- She doesn't speak English.
- Why should she speak English?

She's a fucking psychologist.

- Are you sure
you're really married,

or is this like...
she's writing a book?

- Yeah.

- Ugh. I'm gonna have to
get lenses for these.

- I am a licensed optician.
- I don't wanna give you

a fucking extra penny!

I know this show
is about listening

and trying to understand
each other

and shit like that.

And, look, this piece is
in no way an example of that,

but there's just something about

that Jewishy Italiany way
of fighting

where it's pure fire

and expression and vitriol.

But at the end of the day,
there's kind of no love lost.

Look, I fucking hate this
motherfucker's guts,

but... I don't know.

If he got, like, really sick,
would I worry

and bring him soup? Eh. Maybe.

- Why the fuck
do you even come here?

- Because I'm trying to show
that people

with two different ideologies
can get along, you fuck!

Can I see these?

- My guest tonight
was a skinhead at 14

and a neo-Nazi leader
by the time he was 16.

He now devotes his life
to helping people

leave extremist groups.

Please welcome
Christian Picciolini.

I enjoy saying your last name.

- Picciolini.
- Like a peach.

- Picciolini.
- Like a peach.

- You're like a peach.
- Aw...

- Okay, let's get into this.

Uh, you've said that, um...

we have a homegrown
terrorism epidemic

in this country.
Can you explain that?

- Yeah. Since 9/11, more
Americans have been killed

on U. S. soil
by white supremacists

than by any other foreign

or domestic terrorist group
combined.

Yet, we still don't
call it terrorism.

We call it, you know,
fluffy words,

like white nationalism
or the alt right.

Those are words that they've
given themselves, by the way.

Let's just call it what it is.
It's white supremacy,

and it's white terrorism.

- Yes. Sorry.

I don't usually start
applause breaks,

but that's so true.
I think you said this...

They rebrand themselves,

- and that's dangerous.
- They do.

- Is what it is.
- And actually, we started

that process 30 years ago.

We recognized
we were turning away

even average
American white racists.

Shaved heads and the swastikas

were apparently
too much for them.

And we said we need to
look like them,

we need to sound like them,

and we need to be
where they are.

So we traded in our boots
for suits,

we went to college campuses,
recruited there,

got jobs in law enforcement,
went to the military.

And here we are 30 years later

and, uh, you know,
they look like Brooks Brothers.

- That should not be
a campaign for Brooks Brothers,

but it did cross my mind.

Um, how does one become
a skinhead at 14?

- Uh...
- Asking for a friend.

- Asking for a friend.
I don't do those referrals

anymore.
You know, I was a lonely kid.

I came from a good family,
but my parents are immigrants

who came from Italy,
and they worked really hard,

and I was lonely and felt
abandoned growing up.

And one day when I was 14,

I was standing in an alley
smoking a joint...

It is not the gateway drug
to white supremacy.

Let me just say that.
- It isn't, no.

This is not against weed,

because weed is also
the drug of peace.

Sorry.

- But America's first
neo-Nazi skinhead leader

walked up to me... He snatched
the joint from my mouth

and he said, "That's what
the Jews and the communists"

want you to do
to keep you docile."

I was 14... I didn't even know
what a communist or a Jew was,

and I definitely didn't know
what the word docile was.

But it was the first time
in my life

that I felt like somebody
was paying attention to me,

and I wanted to belong.

And in fact, most people
that I've worked with

to disengage from hate groups

they'll all answer
the same thing

when I ask 'em
why did they join.

Because they wanted to belong.
They were marginalized,

and that was the group
that brought them in.

- Yeah, I interviewed
Megan Phelps-Roper,

and she said a similar...
And you're friends with her.

- She's a friend of mine.
She's great.

- I remember her saying
in that interview, like,

these aren't bad people.
They're people, who,

in a vulnerable time
in their lives

were swayed by bad ideas.
- That's true.

And I think that
that's the secret.

The secret to...
to stopping people

from becoming extremists
is to understand

that, in most cases,
they're not monsters.

They're broken human beings
who are doing monstrous things.

- What is the process?
How do you do that?

How do you lure people
away from extremism?

- Well, I don't tell them
that they're wrong.

I don't argue with them.

I don't debate them.
Instead, I listen.

And I listen for those
potholes, you know,

what is it that deviated them
down that path?

And then I become
a pothole filler.

I get people job training
or life coaching,

tattoo removal,
mental health counseling.

And when they start to feel
more resilient,

when they're more confident
about themselves,

then they don't have to
blame the other anymore.

But I don't stop there.
I challenge their ideology,

and I introduce them
to the people

that they think that they hate.

And the demonization
that happens in their head,

the prejudice
just starts to crack

once they actually meet
the people,

because they start to humanize

and they start
to relate to them.

- Um, so this is a picture
of you at Dachau

giving a heil Hitler.

How did you eventually
walk away from that,

from that life?

- That guy looks freaked out
right there.

- He does.
- I'm just realizing that.

So it was '92
when that picture was taken,

and I was in a band
performing in Germany

singing racist music.

How I got out was in '95.

I opened a record store
after having a son, two sons,

and getting married at 19,

and starting to question,
you know,

what my priorities were.

Was I this hatemonger
or was I, you know,

a father and a husband?

Was my community the one

that I'd manufactured around me

to boost my own ego,

or was it the one I'd
physically given life to?

And I started to question
these things,

and then at the record store,
I started to meet people

that I'd kept outside
my social circle.

Even though I was selling
white power music,

I also sold punk rock
and hip-hop,

and I started to meet
blacks and Jews

and gay people
for the first time in my life

and have a meaningful dialogue.

And I realized, gosh,
they're more similar to me

than I am with these folks who
I've surrounded myself with.

- I'm always inspired
when people are...

When people change.

With new information,
they let themselves be changed.

Okay, so when you hear the
leaders of our nation speaking,

what do you hear?

- You know, people talk
about dog whistles,

you know, using code words
to appeal to, you know,

a certain base. I hear...

I hear a bullhorn.
I hear it loud and clear.

So many of the things
that are coming out

of this administration

are things that I used to say
30 years ago.

But they're using slightly
more palatable words now.

Instead of saying, you know,
"the Jew-owned media,"

now they call it
"the liberal media."

Or instead of calling it
"the global Jewish conspiracy,"

they call it "globalism."

- With everything
that Trump has done,

I have to say, when he came out
on Holocaust Remembrance Day

and wouldn't mention Jews,

I was shaken a little bit.

'Cause that was really loud.
- Yeah.

Or equivocating
white supremacists

to protestors of neo-Nazis.

- Both sides. Uchh!

- "Good people on both sides."
Right.

Isn't that what he said?
- Amazing.

- Yeah.
- Good potential people

on both sides.
- But see, here's the thing

with that, Sarah, is

there may have been people
there that looked normal,

but they've changed.
They're not gonna be marching

with hoods and shaved heads
anymore.

And there were people there
waving flags.

But the people who were there,
you know,

for Confederate monuments...
that's bullshit.

They were not there
for free speech.

They were not there
for Confederate monuments.

They only march in areas where
they know progressives live.

That's why they marched
in Berkeley,

and that's why they marched
in Charlottesville.

They want to provoke.
Nazis or any extremists,

they love two things...
Silence and violence.

If we're silent, they grow.
They fester.

We sweep it under the rug,
and then we tell ourselves,

"Oh, I'm surprised
that that exists."

Rallies like Charlottesville
have been happening

for decades, every month
across, you know,

the United States.
And I hate to be fatalistic,

but they also love violence,
because when we are...

aggressive against them
in a violent way,

they use it as a victim
narrative,

and they use that to recruit
and they say,

"See? We're not the haters.
We're the ones who are hated."

So do what they did in Boston,

and 40,000 people should
surround every Nazi rally

and show them that we see them,
we hold them accountable,

but at the same time, you know,

we're gonna offer them
a lifeline...

Come on out if you want.
- Come on out, join us.

Join us.

What advice would you give us?

- Because compassion
is what changed me,

I challenge your audience,
go out there today...

And I challenge you too,

even though you do this
already...

Is find somebody that's
undeserving of your compassion

and give it to them,
because I guarantee you

that they're the ones
that need it the most.

- Christian Picciolini,
thank you so much.

You're so special.

- Thank you.

- Wow, what a show!

Thanks for watching,

and my thanks to Phil Rosenthal

and Carl Reiner and, uh,
Michael Sheen,

and Michael Sheen
as Carl Reiner.

And Christian Picciolini.
And, as always,

good night, America.
I "lerve" you.

Racial good-bye!

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