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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,060 Ah, living the dream. 2 00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:20,950 - This is gorgeous. - Isn't it? 3 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,510 What is Tom doing with that genealogy crap? 4 00:00:23,530 --> 00:00:25,730 I know, but he likes all that shit, doesn't he? 5 00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:27,630 - I guess so. - And we can just chill out. 6 00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:30,240 - We can get a nice tan, go a bit brown. - Oh, you're going red. 7 00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:32,170 - I'm not... yes. - That's rouge. 8 00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:34,740 I have to go red and peel before I go brown. 9 00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:36,940 - It's a genetic thing. - What factor have you got on there? 10 00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:39,310 Hell... hello. Excuse me. 11 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,550 Can I just say that is a very eloquent bikini? 12 00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,050 Have you got the time? 13 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,880 Because by my watch, 14 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:49,120 I make it feeding time at the you. 15 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,020 Oh, sweet Jesus. 16 00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:54,590 Back at home I work in a zoo. 17 00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:56,730 So I'll do it again. Have you got the time? 18 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,660 Because by my watch, it's feeding time at the you. 19 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:02,300 I hate to watch you... go. 20 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:04,670 But I love to look at that. 21 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:06,640 Oh, you can't talk to women like that. 22 00:01:06,670 --> 00:01:08,500 It's something lost in translation. 23 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:10,310 - Monkey: She was a slut anyway. - Exactly. 24 00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:12,370 - No, that's not relevant. - She led me on! She led me on! 25 00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:16,010 - Tom: How long have you worked here, Ally? - Three years. 26 00:01:17,150 --> 00:01:18,580 Do you find that being around the books 27 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,720 - makes you more clever? - No, actually. 28 00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,950 I feel like all the ideas have been written already. 29 00:01:22,990 --> 00:01:25,290 These are audiobooks. Good for you. 30 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:29,330 - CDs are the future. - Picture books. 31 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,430 You know, I just read this great novel. 32 00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:34,030 It's like a romance thing, I suppose. 33 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:37,530 It's about this... it's like a love triangle 34 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,840 between this girl and this guy, 35 00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,340 but she likes this other guy. 36 00:01:42,410 --> 00:01:43,870 So it never really works out. 37 00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:45,980 Oh, and one of them is a vampire and the other one's a wolf. 38 00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:47,540 ( both laugh ) 39 00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:49,480 Um, it's hard. 40 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,110 - It's "Twilight," yeah. - "Twilight," yeah. 41 00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:52,450 - Yeah. ( laughs ) - You've heard of it? 42 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,320 - Yes. - Yeah. It's really good. 43 00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,990 So, we have the largest section 44 00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:58,490 of Native American books in the city. 45 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,360 - Oh. - It's our claim to fame here. 46 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:05,330 I don't need to read the book; I've lived the life. 47 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,360 Let me ask you this: 48 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,730 do you have any interest in seeing some memorabilia 49 00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,330 from a Jewish cowboy in the '20s? 50 00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:13,170 - Yes. - ( laughs ) 51 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,370 - That was quick. - I love Jews, I love cowboys. 52 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:16,870 Well, you are in for a treat 53 00:02:16,910 --> 00:02:20,040 because I have to meet my cousin Melvin Schmelff. 54 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,480 - He's got a bunch of... - Schmelff? 55 00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:23,650 That's right. I'd love you to tag along. 56 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:24,950 I would really love that. 57 00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:27,320 I'm supposed to get off in, like, an hour. 58 00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:28,750 But it's really slow, so I can... 59 00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:31,050 - What if I buy a book? - Okay. 60 00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:32,720 - I can fill your quota. - Yeah. Yeah, actually... 61 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,160 I'll buy anything. Don't really have a... 62 00:02:35,190 --> 00:02:36,660 I'll take that. 63 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,960 Oh, shoot. 64 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,500 You know what, that's good 65 00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:42,630 - because I've only got the audiobook of this. - Oh. 66 00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,270 ( exhales ) 67 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,670 She has such lovely hair. 68 00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,910 - I'll take that for my friend Pete. - ( laughs ) 69 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,980 - He's into pictures. - Right. 70 00:02:57,150 --> 00:03:00,050 ( both laugh ) 71 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,080 - Can we eat? I'm starving. - Yes. 72 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,490 - Do you reckon they do kebabs? - Monkey: I want a lager. 73 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,020 But I just wanna go and try some clothes on first. 74 00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,890 - Is that all right? Do you mind? - Yeah. 75 00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:09,960 Monkey: I'm not clothes shopping. 76 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,130 Pete: Excuse me. 77 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,030 Do I have to book to eat here or is it... 78 00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,230 Oh, no, no. Sit anywhere you like. 79 00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:17,470 - Great. Can I sit there? - Yep. 80 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,370 - What about in the shade? - Yeah, yeah. 81 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,340 - Or inside? - Yeah, anywhere. 82 00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:26,380 Well, what about the one right at the end? 83 00:03:26,410 --> 00:03:28,440 - What are you doing? - Anywhere? 84 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,610 - I can sit anywhere? - Yeah. 85 00:03:30,650 --> 00:03:33,080 Brilliant. Do you do doner kebabs? 86 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,480 I don't think so. 87 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:35,950 Do you do scampi and chips? 88 00:03:35,990 --> 00:03:37,450 We have a menu. I'll just show that to you. 89 00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:40,490 Do you do steak and ale pie with mash? 90 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,790 - Well, I have a menu. - But you serve tea, right? 91 00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:44,460 Proper builder's tea. 92 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:46,130 Do you do ham and cheese toasties? 93 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,260 I love ham and I love cheese. 94 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,030 Chips, right? 95 00:03:50,070 --> 00:03:51,470 He's gone. 96 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:53,400 I don't know where to sit now. 97 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,300 - ( music blaring ) - Monkey: I hate clothes shopping. 98 00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:56,870 Bea: Ooh, and look at these hats. 99 00:03:56,910 --> 00:03:59,440 Do you reckon I could pull off that hat? 100 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,340 Monkey: Is that a euphemism? 101 00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:04,210 - ( doorbell rings ) - Man: Coming. 102 00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:05,850 Hi, I'm Tom. 103 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,850 This is my good friend Ally. 104 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,120 - Hi, nice to meet you. - Hi. Come on in. 105 00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:10,690 - Thank you, Mr. Schmelff. - Relax a little bit. 106 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,150 Awfully sorry my wife can't be here. 107 00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:14,490 She's with her mom and she came home from surgery. 108 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,520 - Oh, wow. - Oh, I'm sorry. 109 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:16,930 She had a tummy tuck, an eye job, 110 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,990 and a butt reduction. She's okay. 111 00:04:19,030 --> 00:04:20,600 - And here we are. - Oh, look at this. 112 00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:22,130 - Wow! - That's him. 113 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,170 Melvin: Tumbleweed Tim. 114 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,470 Ally: I can see the resemblance. 115 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,940 - You see something there? - Yeah. 116 00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:28,670 That's his great-great-uncle and that is my grandfather. 117 00:04:28,710 --> 00:04:30,810 - Wow. Handsome. - He looks so manly. 118 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,580 Well, he was very thoughtful. 119 00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:34,850 - Oh. - He was a very pensive cowboy. 120 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,880 He's got his gun, he's got his chaps, 121 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,820 and he's staring out over at his things. 122 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:41,590 - Oh. - I'd love to show you them. 123 00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:43,090 - It's the hat. - Yeah, that's the hat. 124 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,520 - Yeah? It's good. - Now that's hot. 125 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,990 - You were cute before, but this is... - Right? 126 00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,330 - I'm joining the family. - Be very careful, if you don't mind. 127 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,360 You can wear the gloves. Be very gentle. 128 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,560 - Okay. - Okay? 129 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,870 - Look at these. - These are spurs. 130 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,530 - Made specially. - And what's the squiggles? 131 00:04:55,570 --> 00:04:58,700 The little squiggles is Hebrew and it says "Mazel tov." 132 00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:01,070 - Mazel tov. - You know what that means? 133 00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:03,410 - Good luck. - Good luck. Well, that makes sense. 134 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,010 - Good luck to you. - Did he wear these in the films? 135 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,800 - He never wore them in movies. - Why is that? 136 00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:08,350 Well, you know, it was the '20s 137 00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,250 and you couldn't really be a Jewish cowboy. 138 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,850 But he wasn't ashamed of being Jewish. 139 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,320 He did wear them at home all the time. 140 00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:15,150 Oh, his wife... that was a big bone of contention. 141 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,050 Can we put them back? 142 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,320 - Yeah, sure. - Thank you. 143 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,720 These were the boots that he wore in every... 144 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,030 - yes, we'll put the... - I'm good. 145 00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:24,740 You know what, I've got such a big cranium. 146 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,500 It's not a bad thing to put it down. 147 00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:27,800 - I'll put it down. Why not? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 148 00:05:27,830 --> 00:05:30,540 These are the boots that he wore basically in every movie. 149 00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:32,240 - Wow. - And they're quite amazing. 150 00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:33,510 There's a little of an odor in there. 151 00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:34,640 Jesus Christ. 152 00:05:34,670 --> 00:05:35,710 But smell. Get a whiff. 153 00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:36,680 - Whew. - Prepare. 154 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:37,910 - Wow. - Oh, God. 155 00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:38,980 I'm gonna try it once. 156 00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:40,650 Oh, my God! It's worse than I remember. 157 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,150 They smell like 50 years of work. 158 00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:43,150 That was 50 years... 159 00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:44,780 well, it would have been 50 years of work. 160 00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:48,920 He was the best riding cowboy in the business. 161 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,290 He was one of the few Western stars 162 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,030 who could do a horseback ride 163 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,660 and a shoot-out at the same time. 164 00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:55,960 It was very, very difficult. 165 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,630 He was galloping and galloping and galloping 166 00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,180 and shooting and shooting and shooting. 167 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,630 He survived the horse riding and shooting, 168 00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,100 but he couldn't survive the scandal. 169 00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:04,900 - What scandal? - I'll tell you about it. 170 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,040 See this name? Madge Dubois. 171 00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:09,380 Oh, my God, she was gorgeous. She was so beautiful. 172 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:10,940 I think she was in three of his pictures. 173 00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:13,350 Oh, he was so devoted to Madge Dubois. 174 00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:15,250 He got into a love scandal. 175 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:16,120 - ( exhales ) - Wow. 176 00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:17,180 It was actually a love triangle. 177 00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:20,550 Really more of a quadrangle. 178 00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:22,420 It was Tumbleweed Tim, an unidentified party, 179 00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:25,090 Sagebrush Sam, also known as Backdoor Billy. 180 00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,030 - Tom: Oh, is it... - We won't go into that. 181 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,430 - Yeah. - She's discovered dead 182 00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,170 - in the alley. - Ally: No. 183 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,370 She's been poisoned, strangled, suffocated, and shot, 184 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,370 and they can't figure out how she died. 185 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,470 - It was probably one of those things. - It may have been. 186 00:06:38,510 --> 00:06:40,740 - But they never pinned it on anybody. - Right. 187 00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:42,710 - Tumbleweed was innocent. - Do you know that? 188 00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:44,140 Let's just say he didn't do it and move on. 189 00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:46,310 - Nobody was blamed for it. - The scandal killed him. 190 00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:47,520 Yes, the scandal killed him. 191 00:06:47,550 --> 00:06:49,150 And that's it. Kaput. 192 00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:50,820 So he never made it to the talkies. 193 00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:53,490 Well, he... actually, he did a screen test 194 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,990 for a television series in the '50s called "Saloon." 195 00:06:57,030 --> 00:07:00,630 Wait a minute here. I'm gonna pull it up for you. 196 00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:02,030 ( beeps ) 197 00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:04,700 ( Hebrew accent ) Let me tell you something, Mr. Big Shot, 198 00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:07,770 if you're not out of this town by the last stage, 199 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,300 I will personally organize a necktie party for you myself. 200 00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:14,710 Such a shame that scandal stopped him having a career in the talkies. 201 00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:16,910 You think I'm bluffing? Oh, look who's being... 202 00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:18,510 Think we can turn it off now? 203 00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,010 - Yes. - You're gonna be in Boot Hill so fast, 204 00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:22,250 your head will be spinning. 205 00:07:24,150 --> 00:07:27,190 - Bea: How much did you tip that guy? - $6. 206 00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:29,690 - He looked really annoyed. - I gave him $6. 207 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,430 You're supposed to tip 15% here. 208 00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:33,060 If anything, I overtipped him. 209 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,500 - Yeah, right. - Yes, I gave him 210 00:07:34,530 --> 00:07:36,970 a little brown one and the little silver one. 211 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,200 - That's like 5p. - I thought the little brown one was a dollar. 212 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,570 Where's Monkey? Have you got Monkey? 213 00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:43,210 No. Why would I have Monkey? 214 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,870 - Where's Monkey? - I've no idea where Monkey... 215 00:07:44,910 --> 00:07:47,150 - Where's Monkey? - Oh, God, I thought we were having fun. 216 00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:50,050 - Bea: Monk? - Pete: Excuse me. 217 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,550 Have you seen a monkey puppet? 218 00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:53,380 Do you remember I was here with my friend 219 00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:54,720 and she had a little hand puppet? 220 00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:56,990 - 6 cents? - I don't... 221 00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:58,760 no, I thought the little brown one was a dollar. 222 00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:00,360 - He's not in there. - No. He's not in here. 223 00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:02,310 - Of course he is. - He's not. I asked the bloke. 224 00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:04,130 - He said he's not in here. - You haven't looked properly. 225 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,060 - How is it my fault? - Bloody idiot! Where is he?! 226 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:09,400 - ( distant sirens blaring ) - Melvin: This little chunk of what you see here 227 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,570 - went on for miles and miles and miles. - Tom: Really? 228 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,010 Melvin: And this is where my grandfather worked. 229 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,970 This is Cottonwood Studios. 230 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:17,330 And there's a placard right there. 231 00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:21,710 They made... I think 233 Westerns were filmed here. 232 00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,710 And, you know, it says... 233 00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,450 look, "King of the Prairie" was here. 234 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:26,620 That was fantastic. 235 00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:28,220 - And my grandfather... - Tumbleweed Tim. 236 00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,760 Melvin: He was there. He was in... 237 00:08:30,790 --> 00:08:33,060 uh, "Bad Man Wind." 238 00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:36,030 I heard it was a fantastic movie. 239 00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:39,160 And the fort is over there. They had an entire fort. 240 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,970 They had like a PX and you could buy blankets. 241 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,870 - ( musical horn blaring ) - It was fantastic. 242 00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,700 ( camera clicking ) 243 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,070 - And over there... - Wow. 244 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,940 that actual building, the low, gray building... that was the office 245 00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,100 and they had a little script room and they wrote there. 246 00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:55,380 And they still use that as a... 247 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,850 - ( cell phone ringing ) - It's for migrant workers. 248 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,650 - Really? - Sorry. Just one sec. Hello? 249 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,020 Bea: Oh, my God! ( shrieking ) 250 00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:02,690 Bea? You all right? 251 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,790 - ( sobbing ) I can't feel my hand! - What? 252 00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:07,630 - What's going on? Has Pete touched someone? - No! 253 00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:09,330 Monkey's gone missing! 254 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,960 Monk has gone... okay, where are you? 255 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,800 I'm in Venice Beach. 256 00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:14,470 Okay, all right. I'll be right there. 257 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,600 - Help. - Okay, bye. 258 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,210 Guys, I'm really sorry. 259 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,380 - We need to go. - Really? 260 00:09:22,410 --> 00:09:23,780 Yeah. I'm so sorry. 261 00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:25,850 - Is everything okay? - My sister has lost Monk. 262 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,080 She's lost her little fella. 263 00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,380 - Oh, my God. - Seriously? 264 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:29,650 - Yeah, in Venice. - Oh, my God. Don't talk. 265 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,280 - I'm sorry. - Let's go. 266 00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:35,520 Under Megan's Law, we can check 267 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,420 for sex offenders in the area. 268 00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:41,330 - I'll go call immediately. - Yeah, um, the thing is Monk's a puppet. 269 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:42,800 - There she is. - A puppet? 270 00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:45,160 ( crying ) He's just a little monkey puppet. 271 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,770 - Bea, he hasn't seen it. - You can't miss him! 272 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,240 - He must have come by here! - Bea, Bea, Bea. 273 00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:51,040 - Tom. ( sobbing ) - Okay. All right, okay. 274 00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:52,770 It's a living hell. 275 00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:54,970 - I can't find him anywhere. - I know. 276 00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:57,340 - Where have you looked? - I've looked everywhere. 277 00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:59,750 Okay, this is what we're gonna do. I've got a great plan. 278 00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:01,460 I love you and I'm here and I'm gonna help. 279 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,650 We're gonna go back to London and get you a lovely new puppet. 280 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,420 - ( screams ) - Okay. No, sorry! No, no! 281 00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:09,660 - How can you say that? - Okay, we won't do that. Why did you say that, Pete? 282 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:13,090 You can't replace him! My hand is clamping up. 283 00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:15,260 - My God! - Okay, well, we can't have that. 284 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:18,000 - Help me! - Yeah. We're gonna find him. We're gonna find him. 285 00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:20,130 - Look for him! - Pete: We've been looking already. 286 00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,570 Have you seen a little monkey puppet? 287 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,940 No puppet? 288 00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,640 Have you seen a little toy monkey that talks? 289 00:10:24,670 --> 00:10:25,910 Excuse me, sir. 290 00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:27,310 - Have you seen a little monkey puppet? - Mm-mm. 291 00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:28,840 Have you seen a little puppet monkey? 292 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,540 He's like a little puppet and he talks. 293 00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,980 Monkey, try to tell me where you are. 294 00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:35,050 Monkey? 295 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,220 Monkey's voice: I don't know where I am. 296 00:10:36,250 --> 00:10:39,150 Just try and see where you are, Monkey. 297 00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,520 Tell me where you are. 298 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:41,920 Monkey's voice: I don't know. 299 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,460 This is a nightmare. 300 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:45,730 Ally: Have you seen a puppet? 301 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,800 - Tom: There he is! - Oh, God! 302 00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,330 - Look! - Here. 303 00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:51,730 - Tom: Hi. ( laughing ) - Hi. 304 00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,340 Hi. 305 00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:56,200 Oh, my God. Thank God. 306 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,810 - This is my sister's puppet. - Oh, my goodness. 307 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,510 - Yeah. - And you're gonna donate it to us 308 00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,010 to make another child very happy. 309 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,310 - That's so sweet. - No, that isn't... 310 00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,210 that would be sweet, but that's not what's happening. 311 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,250 I think somebody must have thrown it 312 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,090 into one of these cans, thinking it was garbage. 313 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,090 Gee whiz, I just got here. Let me check the receipts. 314 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,440 - We take a receipt for everything that we have. - Oh, sure. 315 00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:15,660 Well, there won't be a receipt 316 00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:17,990 unless it was stolen by a charitable thief. 317 00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:19,630 And lookit here. There is a stuffed monkey... 318 00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,500 - Shut up. - ...to a Mr. Creutz. 319 00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:24,070 - So that's... this is a charitable donation. - Oh, you're a charity? 320 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,400 I'll give you $30. 321 00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,440 No, we cannot accept any money. 322 00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:29,970 We're a not-for-profit, so it's a tax issue. 323 00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:31,310 There's absolutely no tax issue involved. 324 00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,140 You can receive all the money that you want 325 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,640 as long as you give it back to the charity. 326 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,740 I'm a professional tax attorney and I know. 327 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,480 Here's the thing... my sister is a 38-year-old woman 328 00:11:39,510 --> 00:11:41,250 who talks to a fucking monkey. 329 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,980 The underprivileged kids can get privileged. 330 00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,150 She's beyond help. 331 00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:46,620 I'm an underprivileged kid. 332 00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:48,750 I never knew who my dad was. Can I have it? 333 00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,520 Woman: I'm sorry you don't know who your dad is, 334 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,120 but these are... a lot of children are in need of these wonderful... 335 00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,360 - It's a piece of polyester. - Tom, stop shaking him! 336 00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:56,530 I'll give you $100 for it. 337 00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,060 Listen, I'm not gonna take $100! 338 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,770 You're really creeping me out, all right?! 339 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,500 Now you and you and you and you and you can just get out of here! 340 00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:05,770 - All right. - Leave the monk... oh! 341 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,400 You get the fuck back here, man! 342 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,840 Aw, sh... I can't leave the toys. 343 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,940 Follow me! Up here, up here. 344 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:14,210 ( laughing ) 345 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,320 ( all laughing ) 346 00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:18,980 - Thank you! - Oh, you're welcome. 347 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,650 - Thank you, Tom. - Everything's all right. 348 00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:22,820 Oh, my God. 349 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,720 That was such a horrible day. 350 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,760 - That was nuts. - Oh, I'm sorry she's so weird. 351 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:29,160 Aw, it's all right. 352 00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:32,100 No, thank you, 'cause... I don't know. 353 00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:33,930 She wouldn't have survived. 354 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:36,070 He's part of the family. 355 00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:40,300 - Pete: That was really good. - Hey, this is Ally. 356 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:41,910 - Bea: Hello. - And Melvin. 357 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:43,340 - I'm so sorry. - This is my sister Bea. 358 00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:44,570 I'm embarrassed about my behavior. 359 00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:46,080 - Is that the monkey? - This is Monk. 360 00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:47,580 - Yes. - Monkey: Yeah, yeah. 361 00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:49,550 - He's such a sweet monkey. - So she really freaked out. 362 00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:52,380 - He talks. - Yes, I talk again. Now I do. 363 00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:54,680 - ( all laugh ) - Monkey: Now that I found you. 364 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,790 - Al: I should probably say something, shouldn't I? - Kitty: Sure. That'd be nice. 365 00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,220 ( clinking ) 366 00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:00,760 Al: Ahem. 367 00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:02,790 Welcome one and all to our happy home. 368 00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:05,430 Kitty and I would like to welcome you. 369 00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:08,260 To our many friends... old friends and new friends... 370 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,600 family who've come a short distance 371 00:13:10,630 --> 00:13:12,970 and people who traveled from very far away, welcome. 372 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,370 We're just elated to have you here with us all. 373 00:13:16,410 --> 00:13:19,740 Um, you work your whole life 374 00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:22,410 and suddenly you realize what do you have for it? 375 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,510 You have a bunch of stuff. 376 00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,850 There was even a bumper sticker years ago that said, 377 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,980 "He who dies with the most toys wins." 378 00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,250 - ( laughs ) - Well, I've never seen a hearse 379 00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:33,420 with a luggage rack on top. 380 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,090 I would propose that he who dies 381 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,090 with the most friends and family wins. 382 00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:42,060 And I toast you now as a winner. 383 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,430 To family and friends. 384 00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:46,200 All: Cheers. 385 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,240 Kitty: Are we doing everybody? 386 00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:50,840 - Friends and family. - Friends and family. 387 00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:52,370 Thank you, Al. That was beautiful. 388 00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,910 Thank you. Thank you for the... loved having you here. 389 00:13:54,940 --> 00:13:57,140 Pete: Listen, what's the deal with football over here? 390 00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:01,420 You've got American football and you call football soccer. 391 00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:03,950 No... no. 392 00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,720 We call football football. 393 00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:09,160 That shouldn't be football 'cause you rarely use your foot. 394 00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:10,590 There is a guy that actually... 395 00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:12,460 You only use your foot for the conversions. 396 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,060 But the foot's in play at that point. 397 00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:15,260 Yeah, but you throw it. 398 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,560 We don't touch the ball, so we should have football. 399 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,330 Yeah, okay, so then why is it better that you don't touch it? 400 00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:23,500 'Cause you can't just pick a ball up and run with it. 401 00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:25,070 That's rugby. 402 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:27,510 Why don't you call American football rugby? 403 00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:30,540 I'm just saying we invented football. 404 00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,650 I call it... what? 405 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,850 - Tom: Is that Victoria? - Al: Your great-aunt. 406 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,240 - I didn't know that you met. - She came here to the States. 407 00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,590 She was on some kind of a quest about her family tree. 408 00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,890 - No. - Oh. When was that taken? 409 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,690 A couple years ago. 410 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,360 That's... don't you find it weird 411 00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:47,960 that she came so far 412 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,530 close to the end of her life? 413 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,470 - I wonder what she found out. - Yeah. 414 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,730 And I wonder why she gave that box to you. 415 00:14:57,170 --> 00:14:58,900 Coincidence? ( chuckles ) 416 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,670 I'm not sure. 417 00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:02,510 Did she leave you anything? 418 00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,010 No. 419 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,510 Maybe she just liked me. 420 00:15:06,550 --> 00:15:08,050 I know the spotted pup song 421 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,050 'cause that was handed down from my grandfather. 422 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,220 I can't hear what you're saying. 423 00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:12,950 - Spotted pop? - Spotted pup. 424 00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:15,220 - A dog, you know? - Oh, right. 425 00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:16,520 When they're small, we call them pups. 426 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,860 - Oh, right. - Yeah. 427 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,060 - I'd like to see you naked. - Sorry about that. 428 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,860 Monkey: I would, yeah. 429 00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:25,170 I think you'd be disappointed. 430 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,200 Well, I wouldn't be there, obviously. 431 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:28,400 Just me and you. 432 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,540 I... I don't think that's gonna happen. 433 00:15:30,570 --> 00:15:32,570 - I'll be totally honest with you. - Fine. 434 00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:35,210 I've kind of made a commitment this evening to keep my clothes on... 435 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,480 - Okay. - ...until I go into my camper 436 00:15:37,510 --> 00:15:38,950 - which is parked... - That's a shame. 437 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,850 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. 438 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,850 - But, uh... - So, are you married? 439 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:47,860 Um, I am married, yes. 440 00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:49,260 - You are? - I am. 441 00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:50,960 She here? 442 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,060 No. My wife is missing. 443 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,330 Oh. 444 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,870 Yeah, she's been missing for several years now. 445 00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,600 - Oh, that's awful. - Yeah. 446 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,540 Sorry. You killed her? 447 00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:03,470 Well, I've been doing magic for years. 448 00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:06,210 I wish I had my props here. 449 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,780 I usually have a little stool and a table. 450 00:16:08,810 --> 00:16:11,650 Incidentally, how do you fit four gay men on one bar stool? 451 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,880 - Turn it upside down. - Ooh. 452 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,850 Now, pay... pay attention over here. 453 00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:19,560 All right, I like to keep a record of all the jobs I do, of course. 454 00:16:19,590 --> 00:16:21,260 So I have a little diary, you see? 455 00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:22,930 - Tom: Fancy. - Yeah, of course. 456 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,990 But at the end of the month I look, and what have I been doing? 457 00:16:25,030 --> 00:16:27,430 - I've been doodling. - Tom: Oh, no! 458 00:16:27,460 --> 00:16:29,270 For heaven's sakes. Who's gonna believe that? 459 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,500 So I can't find any of the records of the jobs I did. 460 00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:33,170 - Oh, shit. - I look again, 461 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,340 - and it's even worse because now it's... - Tom: Hey! 462 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,210 You're a witch. 463 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,350 Tom, I think you should have one of these. 464 00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:41,680 Not so much for the doodle part. 465 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,680 You can fill in where you've been in the States, 466 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,820 if you've met anyone interesting, any unusual incidents. 467 00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:48,520 - Man: Hi. - Is that... 468 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,290 - Michael. - Speak of the devil. 469 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,560 - Kim, come on in. - Magical Mike. 470 00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:53,360 Kim: What are you doing in here, Mike? 471 00:16:53,390 --> 00:16:55,630 Mike: Just visiting with friends from over the pond. 472 00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:57,060 - This is Pete. - Hello. 473 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,330 Mike: This is my partner Kim. 474 00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,700 - Hello. - Kim? 475 00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:01,300 - This is Tom. - Tom, hello. 476 00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:02,730 - Hey. - And this is lovely Ally. 477 00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:04,770 - Hi. - Oh, lovely indeed. Hi, Ally. 478 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:05,940 - Kim, sit, sit. - Can I join the party? 479 00:17:05,970 --> 00:17:07,170 I was afraid you wouldn't make it again. 480 00:17:07,210 --> 00:17:09,610 - Another no-show. - No, no, no. I show. 481 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,080 This is your better half... Kim? 482 00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:13,210 Indeed he is, yeah. 483 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:16,020 Say, what does a gay man have in common with an ambulance? 484 00:17:16,050 --> 00:17:20,450 - What? - They're both rear loaded and they go, "Whoo, whoo!" 485 00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:21,590 ( all laugh ) 486 00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,260 Who told us that? Was that Clark? 487 00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:24,990 ( music playing ) 488 00:17:25,030 --> 00:17:27,860 Sweetie, could you get me some more containers for the leftovers? 489 00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:28,960 Yeah. 490 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,830 ( glass shatters ) 491 00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:33,930 - Al: Is that my mother's glass? - Yeah. 492 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,140 Let me see if I can find someone 493 00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:37,100 to help me in the kitchen, not work against me. 494 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,070 Don't blame and leave. 495 00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:40,640 I am a terrible cook, but... 496 00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:41,940 - You are? - Yeah. 497 00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:43,910 But I'm a great eater. If that's... 498 00:17:43,940 --> 00:17:45,880 That's great. This will work out well. 499 00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:46,950 Oh, I know this show. 500 00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,650 Ally: Oh, yes. I love this show. 501 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,820 Is this what you desire... 502 00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,390 I watch this with my mom. 503 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,620 ...my lord? 504 00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,890 ( music playing ) 505 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:02,260 ( music swells ) 506 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:08,070 ( breathing heavily ) 507 00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:10,400 It's lit so beautifully. 508 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,210 Mm, it's really well written, too. 509 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,880 Tommy, we're going old-school raving. 510 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:16,740 Back to '92, Caesar's Palace. 511 00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:17,780 ( popping ) 512 00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:19,480 ( gulping ) 513 00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:21,750 Not drugs, just booze. 514 00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:24,280 - Up for it? Fancy it? - Um, no. 515 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,920 Everything you just said sounds terrible. 516 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,490 So I think I'm all set. I was at a rave this morning. 517 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,760 - You wanna... - No. 518 00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:31,290 You sure? You sure? 519 00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:32,560 I'm gonna kick it... this town's back doors in. 520 00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:33,900 Are you going dressed like that? 521 00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:35,400 - Of course I am. - Tom: I think we'll stay here. 522 00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:36,860 We're all right. Are you guys going? 523 00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,070 - Yeah. - All right, you crazy kids. 524 00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,900 - Have a good one, guys. - All right, have fun. 525 00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:42,900 - Are you going, Bea? - I'm off to bed. See you soon. 526 00:18:42,940 --> 00:18:44,340 - Okay. - Monkey: We're emotional. 527 00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:45,740 - 'Night. - Tom: Nighty-night. 528 00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:47,480 Tommy, Tommy, don't do anything I wouldn't do. 529 00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:49,240 - Tom: Oh. - No, I'm jok... I would. 530 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,180 Tom, could you give me a hand in the kitchen? 531 00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,580 My genius wife just broke a glass. 532 00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:54,050 There's a broom in the hall closet. 533 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,720 Yeah, of course. 534 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,320 Okay, I'm just gonna go cleaning. 535 00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:01,260 - I'll be back in a minute. - Okay. 536 00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:04,530 ( woman gasping on TV ) 537 00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:33,420 Wow. 538 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:35,690 ( mimics car engine ) 539 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,760 ( mimics crash ) Oh. 540 00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:44,430 I see you've found my special room. 541 00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:46,970 Hey. Yeah. 542 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,570 This is great. 543 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,010 I mean, this is very similar to what I used to do at work. 544 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,940 And the detail is so good. 545 00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:54,340 Do you know what you're looking at here? 546 00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,380 Tom: Uh, no. 547 00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:59,650 This is Dealey Plaza where JFK was shot in 1963. 548 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,380 - Exact replica. - Oh. Wow. 549 00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:04,250 Yeah. Grassy knoll, book depository. 550 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,680 With this model I was able to prove 551 00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:08,020 that not only did Oswald not act alone, 552 00:20:08,060 --> 00:20:09,720 but I proved how they were able to cover their tracks 553 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,290 with all the evidence they left behind. 554 00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:12,990 The grassy knoll and the book depository... 555 00:20:13,030 --> 00:20:14,760 they moved it in the middle of the night. 556 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:15,760 Cut it into pieces, 557 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,730 took it all down, moved it to Area 51. 558 00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:22,970 - They moved the grassy knoll? - Oh, yeah, to Area 51. 559 00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:24,770 It's sitting there right now. I have friends who've seen it. 560 00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:27,680 Too much evidence in there. They couldn't let it sit. 561 00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:30,680 Is that the moon? 562 00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:32,510 That's the moon, all right, 563 00:20:32,550 --> 00:20:34,780 where the supposed lunar landing 564 00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,550 took place in 1969. 565 00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:38,150 The supposed lunar landing? 566 00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:40,690 Do you really think we had the technology in 1969 567 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,920 to get men on the moon and bring them home? 568 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,260 - Kinda. - 238,000 miles average... 569 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:48,860 221 at perigee, 252 at apogee. 570 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:50,400 - I do. - A moving target. 571 00:20:50,430 --> 00:20:51,750 You think they landed on the moon? 572 00:20:51,770 --> 00:20:53,650 - Yeah. - No, they were orbiting around the Earth 573 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,840 while they did this all on a soundstage. 574 00:20:55,870 --> 00:20:57,570 Where? Area 51. 575 00:20:57,610 --> 00:21:00,680 Uh-huh. Behind the grassy knoll, probably. 576 00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,140 You ever see the footage of the men on the moon? 577 00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:04,680 - Yeah. - There's an American flag blowing in the wind. 578 00:21:04,710 --> 00:21:06,550 Oh, wait, there's no wind on the moon 579 00:21:06,580 --> 00:21:07,880 'cause there's no atmosphere. 580 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,880 There should be a crater under the LEM. There's no crater. 581 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,490 There should be a little crater for when they're landing. 582 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,920 What about the star field behind them? 583 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:13,990 There's no stars in the background. 584 00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:15,220 Why? They're in a soundstage. 585 00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:16,620 It didn't happen? 586 00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:19,760 We got taken for a ride is what happened. 587 00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:22,930 - Is that a city on the moon? - Al: Well, that's on the dark side of the moon. 588 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,030 There are people there. They've been there for thousands of years. 589 00:21:25,070 --> 00:21:26,900 - Of course. - There's a whole alien race living there. 590 00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,600 Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. 591 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:29,740 That's a good album. 592 00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:32,410 Oh, my hero. Neil Diamond. 593 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,510 Great singer and a man who knows it all. 594 00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:36,980 That's why they wanted to shut him up. 595 00:21:37,010 --> 00:21:39,450 Look at this. 596 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,920 Neil Diamond: concert cancelled. Throat problem. 597 00:21:41,950 --> 00:21:43,820 "Neil Diamond Concert Cancelled. 598 00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:46,620 - Singing Legend Cites Throat Problem." - Yeah. 599 00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,960 Couldn't talk or they didn't want him to talk? 600 00:21:48,990 --> 00:21:51,030 - Probably couldn't talk. - Oh, no, they didn't want him to talk. 601 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,860 - Right. - He knows where all the bodies are buried, 602 00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:55,700 about the New World Order, enslavement of the masses, health care for all. 603 00:21:55,730 --> 00:21:57,530 - He knows about it. - Neil Diamond does? 604 00:21:57,570 --> 00:21:59,400 Oh, yeah. And he was ready to sing. 605 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,500 I like that song "Sweet Caroline." 606 00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:03,370 He knows how it all comes together. 607 00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:07,010 - He's a good guitar player as well. - Yes, he is. 608 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,340 Titanic? 609 00:22:08,380 --> 00:22:10,850 - Al: Yeah. - No iceberg there. 610 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,120 Exactly. 611 00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,680 You didn't run away. 612 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,150 - I was thinking about it. - Sure. 613 00:22:18,190 --> 00:22:20,060 But you thought there was a chance I might bring wine. 614 00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:22,090 Exactly. 615 00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,870 Thanks. 616 00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:30,630 So you're leaving tomorrow. 617 00:22:30,670 --> 00:22:32,200 Yeah. 618 00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:35,570 - We should stay in touch. - Mm. 619 00:22:35,610 --> 00:22:38,140 Yeah. 620 00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:40,080 - Do you have an e-mail account? - Yes. 621 00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:41,310 ( both laugh ) 622 00:22:41,350 --> 00:22:44,150 Isn't it the best? 623 00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:48,390 Are you gonna miss your American family? 624 00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:50,490 Yeah, yeah, I will. 625 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,220 They're great. 626 00:22:52,260 --> 00:22:54,190 - You should stay in touch with them. - I would love that. 627 00:22:54,230 --> 00:22:55,830 They were just saying the same thing about you. 628 00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:57,190 - Really? - Yeah. 629 00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:03,070 Yeah, I'll miss them. 630 00:23:08,770 --> 00:23:11,980 Ally is lovely. You know? 631 00:23:12,010 --> 00:23:13,780 And she smells so good. 632 00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:17,750 ( exhales ) Like lemons. 633 00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:19,990 And babies. 634 00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:21,420 Like they're fresh. 635 00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:24,930 If things were different, you know, if the situation... 636 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,690 if I was here for longer, 637 00:23:27,730 --> 00:23:30,260 then maybe something... 638 00:23:32,530 --> 00:23:34,600 It's hard to know, you know? 639 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,900 Maybe... the thing is I'm leaving, 640 00:23:37,940 --> 00:23:41,810 so it's probably for the best. 641 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,340 We're really relaxed around each other 642 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:46,050 and I... I think he's really funny 643 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,880 and he's... he's very cute. 644 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,690 He's very handsome. 645 00:23:52,990 --> 00:23:55,020 But we're... I mean, it's just... it's nothing. 646 00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:57,190 We're just hanging out and... 647 00:23:57,220 --> 00:24:01,690 and taking things real slow. 648 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:03,660 ( both moaning ) 649 00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:06,730 Oh, wow! Wow! Wow! 650 00:24:06,770 --> 00:24:09,670 Wow! Wow! 651 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:12,140 ( birds chirping ) 652 00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:15,410 Maybe we should have gotten some sleep. 653 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,880 Just like a half an hour or something. 654 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,980 ( both laugh ) 655 00:24:23,020 --> 00:24:25,320 ( cat purring ) 656 00:24:34,490 --> 00:24:38,030 - Feeling rough? - Yeah. I feel rough as old dogs'. 657 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:41,030 I think Rick and Julie might have slipped something in my drink last night. 658 00:24:41,070 --> 00:24:42,300 - Really? - Kinky buggers. 659 00:24:42,340 --> 00:24:44,000 Monkey: Bea slipped something in her own drink. 660 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,740 Pete: Oh, yes. Yes. 661 00:24:46,770 --> 00:24:49,980 So, uh, I'd better go fly this plane. 662 00:24:50,010 --> 00:24:51,940 - Oh, you fly an airplane, too. - I do. 663 00:24:51,980 --> 00:24:54,250 I never mentioned I'm a commercial airline pilot? 664 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,780 I always forget that. 665 00:24:55,820 --> 00:24:58,580 You'd better go and get in your uniform. 666 00:24:58,620 --> 00:25:01,820 It's casual Friday, so... 667 00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:03,920 I'm gonna miss you. 668 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,860 Bea, they're getting off. 669 00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:12,130 Tommy. 670 00:25:12,170 --> 00:25:14,530 - Plane to catch. - Yeah. 671 00:25:14,570 --> 00:25:16,100 - Check in. - Bye, Ally. 672 00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:20,810 I really don't want you to go. 673 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,310 I don't wanna go. 674 00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:36,630 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 675 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:45,930 ? When I found you, I found myself ? 676 00:25:45,970 --> 00:25:50,210 ? I was gonna love you like nobody else ? 677 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:54,410 ? But I never really had a clue ? 678 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:58,280 ? How to love a girl like you ? 679 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,950 ? Two true believers ? 680 00:26:00,980 --> 00:26:03,750 ? We devised ? 681 00:26:03,790 --> 00:26:07,620 ? A temporary paradise ? 682 00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:12,190 ? Now our future is in the past ? 683 00:26:12,230 --> 00:26:14,700 ? I should have known ? 684 00:26:14,730 --> 00:26:18,570 ? It wouldn't last ? 685 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,470 ? I should have been a better man ? 686 00:26:22,510 --> 00:26:27,340 ? You could have been a better friend ? 687 00:26:27,380 --> 00:26:31,410 ? I'm alone, but that's okay ? 688 00:26:31,450 --> 00:26:32,980 ? I guess the dice ? 689 00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:38,190 ? Just rolled that way. ? 690 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,790 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 53218

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