All language subtitles for Desperate Housewives - s02e23-24.en

Previously on "Desperate Housewives"...

She packed up the kids
and the puppy and left.

Packed them up? Why?

She followed you to Atlantic City.
She knows about your other woman.

Things went from bad...

Put your hands where I can see them.

...to considerably worse.

Man, she's good.

Looks like the
insemination was successful.

- Oh!
- Oh my God!

And even the good news...

She's the priority now.
She's the mother of my child!

...came with a catch.

Given any thought to
staying at my place?

I think I'm gonna have to pass.

No, I'm stronger than
people give me credit for.

But sometimes, once
you accept the truth...

you discover that you're capable...

Let's just get out of here!

...of accomplishing...

I'd like to admit myself
for psychiatric observation.

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.

...almost anything.

It's a fact of life
in every neighborhood:

People move in, and people move out.

Although very few of them pack up
and leave at 2 o'clock in the morning.

But it wasn't the first time

that Betty Applewhite had tried
to leave in the middle of the night.

It had happened once before, in Chicago.

The same night one of her sons tried
to break up with his girlfriend,...

...a young woman named Melanie Foster.

Are you kidding? You cannot dump me!

I do not get dumped!

If anyone is getting
dumped here, it's you.

However you want to
spell it, it's fine. OK?

I just want out. I just want out!

OK. Matthew...

maybe I am a bitch sometimes, but there
are advantages to dating someone like me.

And I know that you know
what I'm talking about.

Melanie, my mother is in the
other room. Are you crazy?

Clearly, we can't have a
serious discussion here.

Why don't you meet me at
the lumberyard at nine?

Melanie, it's over.

Well, even more reason
for you to show up.

No one can say goodbye better than I do.

Oh, it's about time.

Caleb!

What are you doing here?
Where's Matthew?

I got here first.
I know a shortcut.

Does Matthew know that you're here?

No.

He... he doesn't want
to be with you anymore.

What does that have to do with you?

See, I thought...

maybe I could be your boyfriend now.

What?

I love you.

Oh God, please tell me
someone put you up to this! No?

Could you be serious?

It's too pathetic!

What the hell are you doing?

Get off of me, you...!

Melanie?

Yes, a year had come and gone since
the Applewhites had left Chicago.

And Betty thought they could again
slip away in the middle of the night.

Once we move,
how's Matthew goin' to find us?

Caleb, I think this is going
to be you and me from now on.

Up with your hands! Put your hands up!

But as she soon discovered,

it's not that easy to
slip away in the suburbs.

Because in suburbia, once
the neighbors hear you going,

they all insist on showing up...

to say goodbye.

2x23 + 2x24:
Remember

Everyone must choose the
road they will take in life.

And for a special few,
that road would lead to Wisteria Lane.

They all arrive the exact same way:

driving up in their overloaded trucks,

bringing with them
their expensive antiques

and ordinary dreams.

I remember the first moment
I saw each of them.

I met Susan Mayer the day
she moved to Wisteria Lane.

Ah! OK, break time's over.

She seemed so delightfully confident,
I couldn't help but feel intimidated.

Oh! Oh!

That feeling quickly passed.

Help! Can anybody hear me?

Julie? I need you to try
to unlock the door!

Oh, what am I thinking, she's too...

OK... I need you to unbuckle yourself

and try to find a neighbor!

But don't cross the street!

Just tell the neighbor that your
mommy's stuck in a big truck!

Oh, yes! My God, I have a genius baby!

Hi.

I have a normal baby.

I'm Mary Alice.
I live across the street.

Susan Mayer. Thank you so much!

If my husband had had to rescue me,
I would have never heard the end of it.

- He thinks I'm a total klutz.
- Oh, please, that's what neighbors are for.

Well, welcome to Wisteria Lane.

When you're finished unpacking,

why don't you come over
for a cup of coffee?

Oh, wow!

I have a neighbor who just
asked me over for coffee.

I'm sorry. You must think I'm a lunatic.

Oh, no, no, I don't.
I think you're charming.

And your baby looks like a genius to me.

Oh, she is.

And we're gonna be so happy here.

Look at your new home.

You're not gonna walk
me into a wall, are you?

Of course not, but when you
see it for the first time,

I want you to get the whole impact.

Ta-da!

Okay, now I know it's
a little more cramped

than we're used to,
but we can't stay at Bree's forever.

She's gonna be coming back
from that spa vacation soon.

- Besides, it's gonna be fun.
- Why are you doing this to me?

I get good grades. I don't do drugs.

I've never come home pregnant.

Honey, I am trying my hardest
to stand on my own two feet.

All right, I've got six
book proposals in the works.

I'm gonna try to supervise
the rebuilding of this house,

but you know, I can't do
it without your support.

And I want you to be proud of me.

Fine. Let's take a look inside.

Ohh! That's my girl.

So... is there anything
you should prepare me for?

No! No, it's all good.

Oh! But you should know that your
bed doubles as the dining table,

and the toilet's in the shower.

Honey, look. I bought us matching
golf outfits for our lessons tomorrow.

Yeah, about that... I can't go.

I gotta pick up trash on the freeway.

I'm sorry?

I have to do my community service.

It's part of my parole, remember?

Oh, okay, well,
I'll just call the country club

- and cancel our lessons.
- No, no, no.

I can't, I paid already.
Might as well go without me.

I don't wanna go alone. It was
your idea in the first place.

And I'd love to be there with you, too,

if I didn't have to
scrape slushies and condoms

off route 57. Look, what's the big deal?
Just go take the stupid lesson.

- Fine, if you feel that way about it.
- Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm just... a little on edge today.

Oh, would you look at this crap?

He has been doing that all day.

Ralph has a little crush. So?

So can't I get a gardener who isn't
trying to sleep with someone in my house?

You pay 6 bucks an hour.
It's all about the perks, honey.

Susan, have you talked to Lynette?

Uh, no. Have you tried her cell?

Yeah, she isn't picking up.
Do you know where she is?

Uh, no, I'm sorry.

Susan, I think you do.

I really don't, Tom.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah, we just had a fight.

Listen, if you talk to her,
will you please ask her to call me?

Thank you.

Hello?

He was just here.

I think you should call him.

I can't. I can't.
I'm sorry, I just can't.

- Mom!
- Yeah. Hang on.

I'll call you later. Okay. Bye.

Yeah?

When is Daddy coming?
I wanna show him my dive.

He's not coming, sweetheart.

But you could show me.

You have to talk to Noah.

- But he creeps me out.
- Who cares?

This is my life we're talking about.

I need a big-time lawyer in my corner,

and where else are we gonna
get that kind of money?

Noah's not gonna give me a dime
if he knows it's for you.

- He hates your guts.
- Tell him it's for you.

Tell him you want a car.

Tell him you're ready for him
to buy your love. Trust me.

Dying men are nothing
if not sentimental.

Why do you need so much, anyway?

I thought only guilty men
needed expensive lawyers.

Felicia has obviously been
planning this for months.

Who knows what other kind
of evidence she's planted?

With my luck, they'll open up
the Martha Huber murder again,

try to nail me with some DNA.

You swore to me that you
had nothing to do with that.

I didn't.

Look, why are we arguing?

I'm your father.
Do what I'm telling you to do.

You're not my real father.

You ungrateful little...

I rescue you from that miserable junkie.

I give you a home, a life worth living,

and now you make me beg
for one lousy, little favor?

I need the money, Zach.

If you won't do it for me,

at least do it for your mother.

After all, she killed
herself trying to protect you.

I met Bree Van De Kamp the first
day she moved to Wisteria Lane.

There are certain people,
who, when you meet them,

can't help but make a
delightful first impression.

Hello. I'm Bree Van De Kamp,
your new neighbor.

Is this your frog?

Bree was not one of them.

Yes. Why?

Well, it seems that my son
stole it from your yard.

Oh, well, I don't mind.

If he likes it so much,
he's welcome to keep it.

Well, don't tell him that.

If he doesn't feel guilty,
he'll never learn shame.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh. Um, this is our new neighbor.

It seems her son accidentally
took my garden frog.

Oh.

Please don't make excuses for him.

That is exactly what
his father does. Rex!

This is my husband Rex.

Hi. We're not weird.
We just seem like we are.

And this is my son...

the criminal.

Go on.

I'm sorry I stole from you.

Just so you know, my mom did
teach me right from wrong,

so my actions should in no way

influence your opinion
of her as a parent.

- Wow.
- Well, is there anything
you'd like to say to my son?

Feel free to be harsh.

No, I'm... I'm good.

Well, now that we've finished
with all this unpleasantness,

I want to assure you that we
are going to be good neighbors,

and I hope in time, great friends.

That sounds... lovely.

Come on.

Oh, wait. I'm-I'm sorry.

It was Rex, Andrew and...
what was your name again?

Bree?

What?

You're Bree Van De Kamp, right?

Do I know you?

Orson Hodge.
Uh, Susan's dentist friend.

We met after her house burned down.

Oh. I'm so sorry.
I didn't recognize you.

Small world, huh?

Yes. Uh, excruciatingly so.

Ah.

What are you doing here?

Well, three or four times a week,
I visit my... my friend.

What about you?

Oh, I just thought it'd be a lovely
place to take a nice, long rest.

Um, listen,

I told my friends that I was,
um, I was at a spa,

- so if you run into Susan, I-
- Your secret is safe.

And seriously...

I am not like these other people.

Oh, I can tell.

A real lady always
stands out in a crowd.

Well, that was... very sweet.

Enjoy your rest, Bree Van De Kamp.

Boy, do I feel for you.

Trying to convince your friends
that you're still normal,

and you're surrounded
by a bunch of loons.

You, too?

Oh, please.

Dr. Barr goes out of his way to make
me feel like a complete psychopath.

I think he's crazier than
the patients, actually.

You know that, um, that
woman in the wheelchair?

- What's her story?
- Yeah, she's a kooky one.

She hasn't spoken a
word since she got here.

She just sits there all day long
waiting for your friend to come and visit.

He talks to her for hours,

but I don't even think she can hear him.

Oh, hi.

You said to stop by for coffee sometime.

I got coffee.

So I can't believe you
caught me spraying for ants.

I must look like a wreck.

Actually, you look kinda sexy.

You've gotta be kidding.

Oh, the way you're taking charge...
it's impressive.

They're just ants, and they're tiny.

Of course, they do outnumber me.

Oh, you said you wanted
to handle things yourself,

and you're making it happen.
It's good to see.

Thanks.

Even if it does mean

you're not in the market
for a relationship right now.

Oh. Did I say that?

You certainly implied it.

Well, sometimes I say
things I don't mean.

I blame it on my frequent
exposure to ant spray.

What the hell is this?

Karl. What do you want?

Well, I can't believe
you're forcing our daughter

to live in a house with wheels.

I think we need to talk about this.

It's temporary,

and if you don't mind,
I'm having coffee.

Oh, it's okay, Susan.

Hey, sorry. I don't mean
to chase you out, buddy,

but, uh, this is really a family thing.

Oh, no, I understand.

Cool.

Mmm.

I'll call you later.

You've got a great swing.

You just need a little
help around the greens.

You know what they say, drive for
show, putt for dough. Am I right?

That is so true.

All right. I'll see you out there. Okay.

Make me something strong.
I have nine more holes with that guy.

Jim, it was just an hour ago that
the road crew working here on route 57

saw a member of their own
killed by oncoming traffic.

The victim was a Hispanic
male in his early 40s

who, for years, was a prominent
businessman in the area.

Police aren't releasing a name
until the next of kin can be notified.

We, of course, will keep you updated
on any late-breaking developments

as this tragic story unfolds.

Reporting live from route 57,
this is Craig Siyumina.

Back to you.

Mrs. Solis! Why you home?

Carlos is dead, Xiao-Mei.

No, please don't kill him.

No, you don't understand.
He's already dead.

There was an accident.

He's all over the highway.

No...

he in kitchen.

Hey, babe. Why you home so early?

Oh, honey! Oh, you're not dead!

Who said I was dead?

- The police. They called me.
- What are you talking about?

Honey, they didn't know all the details,
but a witness said that they saw you

run into the carpool lane to pick up a
lawn chair that had fallen off some truck,

and then a bus hit you right
in front of the road crew.

- Why aren't you at the road crew?
- I paid Ralph to go in my place.

What?

Well, Carlos, they had your name.

Oh, no. Poor Ralph.

Oh!

Why is your back all sweaty?

I was working out on the treadmill.

Barefoot?

For God's sakes, Gabrielle,
Ralph just died,

and you're worried about my feet?

I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?

- My fault.
- Sorry.

You must find that very peaceful.

Why would you assume that?

Because that's all you've
been doing for three sessions.

I still don't know anything about you,

except that you rake in
remarkably straight lines.

Is that what you're doing,
asking me all those ridiculous questions

about my childhood,
trying to get to know me?

Well, here's a clue. I'm not crazy.

I just have a few issues.
- And psychotherapy is how we help you
deal with those issues.

- What kind of treatment did you think
you were going to get?
- Honestly, I was hoping

that you'd medicate the hell out of me.

You don't need anything stronger than
what I've already prescribed for you.

I have aspirin at home
that packs more of a punch.

It says here your husband died,

you had a boyfriend who killed himself,

and you suffer from alcoholism.

That's a lot of trauma for one year.

What about your kids?

Oh, they're fine.

Andrew is backpacking through Europe,

and Danielle is away
at cheerleading camp.

What's your relationship with them like?

What do you mean?

Are you close?

Do they share things with you?

What do you feel about them?

You know, I really don't
have time for this nonsense.

Are you going to give me
some serious drugs or not?

No.

Fine. Then I'm going back to my room.

You know, Bree, I can't
force you to open up to me,

but I can make it easier for
you to focus on your problems.

And how are you going to do that?

I'm going to tell the orderlies
to confiscate all your personal items.

I committed myself voluntarily.

When you signed those papers, I
became responsible for your well-being,

- and I will help you in any way I see fit.
- I don't need that much help,

- because I am not like your other patients.
- Oh, sure you are.

You just don't know it yet.

Your son confessed to murder.
We've got it on tape.

My son has the mind
of a child, detective.

He'd confess to sinking the Titanic.

This letter was sent some months ago

to the Chicago police,
saying the person they arrested

for the Melanie Foster
murder was innocent.

We have a hunch you wrote it.

Really? I didn't know hunches were
considered evidence in a court of law.

They aren't.

But this is.

We found some of the
assailant's DNA on this jacket.

Now all we need is a matching sample.

You, by any chance,
recognize the jacket?

It's not Caleb's.

You can try and deny it, but...

No.

You don't understand.

That jacket belongs to my other son.

And out of nowhere, he just attacked me.

My brother's never been violent.

I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you.

But he did.

Let me just take you home.

This has been pretty traumatic for me.

I-I think that you should come over for
the next few days so we can talk it out.

We broke up, Mel. It is not
my job to hold your hand.

Well, maybe I shouldn't
go home right away.

- Maybe I should go to the cops first.
- The cops?

I was attacked.

It's my civic duty to
report it, don't you think?

Mel, I just told you that Caleb did
not mean to do what he did, okay?

- Melanie, please.
- Screw you.

No, you cannot tell anybody about this!

- I can tell who I want. Get your hands off me!
- We're talking about my brother here!

Your brother is going to go
to jail for the next ten years,

so I say let go!

Hey, Melanie!

What?!

You leave my family alone!

We all met Lynette Scavo the day
she moved on to Wisteria Lane.

We quickly decided she
would be our friend,

mostly because we were afraid
to have her as an enemy.

- ...playing Russian roulette with my ovaries and...
- Lynette!

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi. Uh, we just wanted to come
welcome you to the neighborhood.

- Um, but we could come back later.
- Yeah.

No, wait. Actually, wait.
This is perfect.

- You know why? Because we need
some impartial judges.
- Lynette...

Let's suppose your husband
begged you to get pregnant--

begged you-- and out of
the goodness of your heart,

you agreed, even though it
might derail your career.

You agreed to a baby.
A baby, singular.

Lynette, we've just met these people.

Then-- then you go in for an
ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats.

Then and only then does
your husband tell you

that twins run in his family.

I didn't think it was that big a deal!

Your family had eight sets of
twins over three generations,

not to mention your relatives
in Kentucky with triplets!

Triplets! So I ask you,

do I not deserve to
punish this man severely?

Well, actually, I think that twins are
genetically determined by the mother.

What are you, a scientist?

No. No, I write children's books.

Um, we, uh, just came over
to introduce ourselves,

but we can, um, do that at another time.

No, wait. Please stay. It's okay.

We're okay. We're okay, right?

Honey, we don't wanna
freak out the new neighbors.

I'm sorry that you saw my panic attack.

I won't let it happen again,

especially since this
is my last pregnancy.

Right. You're the boss.
I'm just your love slave.

Aww.

Well, don't encourage him.

Honey, clearly, our
new neighbors consent

that you have been gifted
with a phenomenal husband.

Cannonball!

Guys?

Could you come here for a second?

We need to have a serious talk.

Okay, we have had a great... vacation,

but tomorrow we're going home.

Except we're not going to our home.

We're gonna go stay with grandma.

Is Dad gonna be there?

No, Dad is not gonna be there,

but he... he is gonna come
and see you guys all the time.

We are still gonna be a family.

It's just-

We won't be living in
the same place anymore.

So...

is there any questions you wanna ask me?

Can we go swimming now?

Cannonball!

Mike, what a surprise.

Yeah. How's it goin'?

Good, good. I'm...

just came in to get a
new battery for my watch.

So, whatcha doin'?

Oh, just buying
something for my grandma.

It's her 90th birthday.

Here we go.

This will sweep her right off her feet.

It's elegant, and she can
build on it for anniversaries.

Lucky grandma.

You dog. You're gonna ask
Susan to marry you, aren't you?

- I didn't say that.
- Man, I'm cool.

As far as I'm concerned,
Susan's old news, so...

Mazel tov.

I don't suppose there's any hope

of you keeping your mouth
shut about this, is there?

- I wanted to surprise her.
- Oh, trust me, brother. She'll be surprised,

and not just by how small that rock is.

Look, I-I know it's an expensive car,

but I need one, so can I get the money?

You're a lousy liar, kid.
I read the papers.

I know what happened to your father.

My guess is he's in the market for a fancy
lawyer to get him some rich man's justice.

Please.

Paul Young put Deirdre in a box.

My daughter. Your mother.

So we're clear,

I don't write checks to monsters.

Why can't you just give me the money?

You're dying. You don't need it. I do.

Don't cry, Zach. It pisses me off.

Well, you said all of
this was gonna be mine,

so when do I get it?!

"Empire" is a highfalutin word,

but that's what I've built.

Unfortunately...

an empire can only be ruled by
an iron fist and a strong gut.

I wanted to give it to you, Zach,

But I'm starting to
have my doubts about you.

So what?

Are you cutting me off?

I don't have any use for weakness.

Get out.

What, are you gonna kill me?

Prove you're a tough guy?

See? That's why I can't give you
the keys to the kingdom, kid.

No balls.

We met Gabrielle Solis the
day she moved to Wisteria Lane.

We were all excited to get a glimpse

of a successful New York model.

Hello?

We saw more...

Hi there.

...than we bargained for.

I'm Mary Alice.

Hi.

This is Susan, uh, Lynette and Bree.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Well, I am Gabrielle Solis.

Would it be better if we
came back at another time?

Oh! No, no. I was...

just changing out of my sweaty clothes.

I didn't realize moving
was such great cardio.

Hey, babe, we haven't
tried it in the kitchen yet.

Honey, uh, I think it's
time to unpack the pants.

Right.

It's nice to meet you, ladies.

Let me guess- newlyweds?

Four months,

and I've dressed like
this for two of 'em.

He's insatiable.

Hey, what are you doing?

Tryin' to have sex with you.

Now? Babe, it's kind of late.

You don't wanna have sex with me?

You always wanna have sex with me.

You wanted to have sex with me
an hour after your hernia operation.

I'm a little preoccupied.

A good man died today.

Don't take it personally.

Xiao-Mei said the
strangest thing to me.

When I told her you were dead,
she said, "Please don't kill him."

That poor kid.

We really need to get
her some English lessons.

Julie, what are you doing?

I'm trying to sleep.

Morning, ladies.

Karl! What are you doing?

I've got a little surprise
planned for my girls.

So just sit back and relax.
We'll be there shortly.

No, no, no, no.
No, turn my house around.

Latte?

Out to the right, ladies.

My gift to you.

You bought us a house?

Let's have a look around.
There's three bedrooms,

a gourmet kitchen...
for what it's worth.

There's a guest house in the back

that you could use as a studio.
There's a pool.

A pool? Really? Aah!

What's the catch?

There's no catch. It's yours, Susie.

Yours and Julie's, no strings attached.

I can't accept this.

I just... I gotta get out
of this mess on my own.

This is not charity.

I owe you...

for everything I've done over the years,

for all the heartache
I've inflicted on you.

Consider it payback.

Mom!

There's a pool and a jacuzzi!

At least no one can drive off with it
while you're sleeping, huh?

Hey, it's Susan.

Just wanted you to know I let
the electrician in your house.

I hope you're having
a great time at the spa.

Bree, hi. It's Betty.

I'm... I'm sorry to
leave this on the machine,

but the police have evidence that implicates
Matthew in the murder of Melanie Foster.

We have to find them, Bree.

We have to find them
and get Danielle back.

- You let go of me right now!
- Hey, hey!

- What's going on here?
- I am trying to leave,
and these morons won't let me.

Do you know that you can
be arrested for kidnapping,

- for detaining someone?!
- Why do you need to leave?

- Because my daughter is in danger.
- Something happened at cheerleading camp?

Okay, there's no camp.
That was a fib on my part.

I found out that she
ran away with a boy,

- and the boy is a murderer.
- A murderer?

I can tell by your tone
that you don't believe me.

Bree, let's talk about
this in my office.

I don't have time for
therapy, you quack!

Now let me out of here! Let go of me!

You idiot, let go of me!

You know that I committed
myself voluntarily!

You can't do this to me! No!

Bree, please, don't struggle.

If anything happens to my daughter,

so help me God...

We're only trying to help.

Mr. Young, you'll need to come up to
the house to sign some legal documents.

What for?

Noah Taylor's will called
for an immediate transference

of his entire estate
to you upon his death.

So everything's mine?

That's correct.

Hi, Dad.

So, did you have any luck
with your grandfather?

Yeah, I talked to Noah.

He's not gonna give us the money.

- Damn it, Zach!
- Sorry?

Go back and talk to him.

No, I-I don't think he's
gonna change his mind.

Terrific. Am I gonna see you tomorrow?

No, I-I can't come tomorrow.

What about Monday?

Uh, next week's bad for me, too.

- I'll... I'll call you when I know.
- Zach? Zach!

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, get me a new phone
with a different number.

And fill in this stupid lake.

Careful with those.

The last of the crystal.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, hi. Um, we're just moving.

Hey! It's the plumber.

You come over to help Susie
move into her new house?

New house?

Oh, she didn't tell you?
I bought a place for my girls.

You let him buy you a house?

Uh, well, he's not moving in with us.

After that speech about
wanting to go it alone,

and after I offered to
let you stay with me?

To be fair, you just had a spare room,

and this is a whole house.

Hey, no offense, if you're not using
your back, you're just in the way.

You saw me buying that ring,

and you just had to cut me off.

You bought me a ring?

Suze, let me handle this.

A man's gotta protect his family.

- Uh, Mike, about that ring...
- Put that box down.

What, you gonna hit me, huh?

Stop it! Oh, my...

What are you-- just stop it!
Oh, that's enough!

Just get off! Get off!
Go! Go! Oh, my God.

What? Stop! That's enough.
Enough, enough. Back up.

- And that ring, that was for me, right?
- Not now.

Oh, my...

Ohh!

Karl, are you okay?

Are you okay? Let me see.

Oh, my God.

Can you sit up?

Xiao-Mei, do you have a second?

This is probably silly,
but it's been bothering me.

When you said, "Please don't kill him,"
did you mean Carlos?

Ralph dead, not Mr. Solis.

I know. It's just,
you said "kill," not "dead."

And I'd have to do be
pretty angry to kill someone,

so I guess my question is,

do I have a reason to
be angry at Mr. Solis?

Please, so much laundry.

Xiao-Mei...

how did you rip your panties?

I fall down.

Says here Dr. Bader
examined Xiao-Mei last week,

and everything was fine.

Yeah, I know.

It's just, she's been
having pain... down there.

So if you could take a peek,
it'd make me feel so much better.

Of course.

Um, and, Doctor, uh,

while you're down there,
could you check if she's still a virgin?

I'm sorry?

You don't even have to say it out loud.

If you see hymen,
just give me a thumbs up.

What's this now?

I wanna swim.

Well, we already swam.
Now it's time to pack.

Hey, hey, hey! What's going on?

Dad would let me swim.

Well, Dad's not here,

so I decide, and I decide "no".

Oh, Porter, what are you doing?

Hey!

Hey, get down off that
right now. I mean it!

Okay! Okay, okay, Porter,
just stop, all right?

Just come on inside, and
we'll forget the whole thing.

Daddy!

Daddy! Daddy!

Hey, guys. God! Ooh, God,
I've missed you so much.

Oh, you, too, munchkin.

Where's Porter? Is he okay?

He broke his arm.
They took him up to X-ray.

Hey, guys, why don't you look
after your sister for me, okay?

Mommy and Daddy need to talk.

I've got nothing to say to you.
I just called because I had to.

Honey, whatever you
saw, I can explain it.

I am not interested,
and if you wanna keep those fingers,

I would move 'em away
from my body. Thank you.

Lynette, I am not cheating on you.

I never have, and I never will.

I saw you with that woman.

- Her name is Nora. I met her 12 years ago.
- I don't care what her name is.

I met her before you. She
was a dancer on a cruise ship.

We had a one night stand.
I haven't thought about her in years.

Then why are you going to Atlantic City
every other weekend to visit her?

I have another child, Lynette.

What?

She got pregnant from
the one night stand.

Nora raised the kid
without ever telling me.

I only just found out about it. That
is why I have been going back and forth.

I am not having an affair.

Uhh!

The little girl's name is Kayla.

She's 11 years old.

I know I should've told
you about this sooner.

It's just that I wanted to take
a paternity test to be sure,

and I'm definitely the dad.

Why did she wait so long to contact you?

She said she wanted
to raise the kid alone,

and I... I guess she's
changed her mind, honey.

Baby, I am so sorry.

Not ready for that yet.

Okay.

You have no idea how
badly you scared me.

I am so sorry.

I had already let you go.

Dad! I got a blue cast.

Hey, buddy. You sure did.
That's pretty cool.

Hey.

It itches. Can we go home now?

Yeah. We're going home.

Have they rung up your prescription yet?

No, they're getting it right now.

Good. Add that on.

You're dying your
hair honey wheat blond?

Oh, it's not for me.

It's for Danielle.

That hair is going back
to the color God intended.

You actually think she's gonna sit still
as you towel this through her hair?

Oh, I will tie her down if necessary.

I'm also thinking of checking
her body for piercings

- while I'm at it.
- You're overreacting.

She's just going through a phase.

That's what girls her age do.

They also get pregnant
and become drug addicts.

And that color hair is the gateway.

Would you please, uh,
add that to our bill?

I'm telling you, Bree,

you're gonna have to
stop riding 'em so hard.

I am trying to ensure that they
turn into responsible adults.

Trust me, Rex, in the end,

we will be rewarded.

How can you be so damn sure
of yourself all the time?

Why is my certainty a flaw?

I know what I'm about, I know my values,

and I know what's right.

Why shouldn't I stay the course?

Am I right, Mr. Williams?

My mother always took a firm hand
with me, and I thank her for it.

Exactly, and look how
well you turned out.

Look, you're a good mother,
but there's a limit.

You have got to relinquish some control,
or else you're gonna regret it.

Excuse me. Do you have the time?

- Yeah, it's just after 8:00.
- Oh, I was afraid of that.

Afraid of what?

Well, I'm only supposed to
be restrained until 7:00.

You see, I have a
problem with sleepwalking.

They just tie me up so that I
don't wander off and hurt myself.

Yeah, well, I'm sure a
nurse will be in here soon.

One can only hope.

Of course, if a doctor gets here first

and sees that someone
forgot to release me,

I'm sure they'd get in a lot of trouble.

Lady, I can't let you out of
your restraints. I'd get fired.

Oh. Well, I certainly would
not want that to happen.

- What's your name?
- Alfred.

Oh! Does anybody ever call you "Alfie"?

No.

And why should they?

So, um, Alfred,

I was wondering if you could
maybe loosen my restraints.

They're incredibly tight,

and I'm sure there are no rules
against making me more comfortable.

Do you think I'm stupid?

I beg your pardon?

Two seconds after I loosen
these little restraints,

you'll try to scratch my eyes out
and make a run for it.

Well, I'm not falling for it,
you psycho little bitch.

In fact, I hope they keep you
tied up for the next month,

'cause I'd get a real kick out of watching a prissy
little whack job like you lying in your own filth.

Know what I mean?

Oh. Are you all right?

Uh, yeah. A little hopped up
on pain medicine, but, um,

I chipped my tooth on the salad shooter.

Oh. Oh, you know, you should, um,

call my friend Orson.
He's a dentist.

- I'm sure he'll see you right away.
- Thanks.

So...

about that ring you bought...

Is there anything particular
you'd like to ask me?

Nope, not as long Karl's got you
wrapped around his finger.

Okay, that's ridiculous.

Karl doesn't have me
wrapped around anything.

You accepted a house from him,
and you're nuts if you believe

he doesn't have an ulterior motive.

He's Karl. He's playing me.

But that house is gonna be a great
place for my daughter to live.

And when he makes his move,

he's gonna realize that
I was really playing him.

So... about that ring...

I... I just don't want
to get deeper into this

and suddenly realize your
heart's somewhere else.

Mike, my heart is in
the exact right place.

I can't have this conversation.
Now my tooth is throbbing.

Of course.

Okay.

You don't even wanna know
what my answer would have been?

Can we please get out of here?

This place is gross.

And, God, I'm starving.

Yeah, I know, but we don't
have any money, remember?

That's why we should go to my house.

- I know the combination to my Mom's safe.
- Okay, I've told you a thousand times,

- it's way too risky. No.
- Something you should know before we embark

on this little adventure...

I can get pretty
bitchy when I'm not fed.

Listen, I hope I'm not out of line here,

but did you ever spend
any time in prison?

What, you can tell from my teeth?

Jailhouse dentistry.
Unmistakable and not pretty.

Yeah, I did a little time
in Kansas a few years back.

Were you a prison dentist?

Uh, during dental school,
we did freebie work

on some of the poor guinea
pigs behind bars. No offense.

You know, I had the
feeling when I first saw you

- in the movie theater that we'd met before.
- I don't think so.

Oh, I'm pretty sure. I think I know you.

Any chance I was one
of your guinea pigs?

No. The only prison work
I did was back in Virginia.

Diploma says you
graduated from Minnesota.

I'm licensed in three states.

Open wide, please.

Don't talk. I wouldn't want to hurt you.

Carlos, you promised
you'd come home today.

Well, I don't care what Tanaka wants!

Rattling around this stupid house all
by myself is not what I signed up for!

No, no, no, don't hang up on me.
I'm not done yelling at you!

Mrs. Solis.

How are you?

The best you've ever had.

What's so funny?

Me and my friend Justin had this bet.

See who could lose their virginity
first this summer at bible camp.

Guess I beat him to the punch.

You were a virgin?

So it didn't show?

Uh, no.

No, I mean, I guess it
was, well, weird when

you started naming the
American presidents in order.

Ah, I wish you hadn't heard that.

I was just trying to...

No, no, you were good.

Just, if it comes up in school,
Paul Revere was never president.

Oh. Thanks.

I, uh, had a really
awesome time, Mrs. Solis.

Well, good. I'm glad,

because this can never happen again.

Why?

The only reason I did this
was because I was angry at Carlos.

Now, thanks to you,
I'm not angry anymore.

Well, you should be.
I mean, the guy's never around.

Hell, he's probably off having
his own affair right now.

Oh. I seriously doubt that.

How do you know?

Because Carlos doesn't have
an adulterous bone in his body.

What we just did he could never do.

For him, sex isn't just sex.
It's a sign of intimacy.

It's the way he shows love.

You know, instead of talking and
listening and spending time with me.

What was that for?

Thought you needed a kiss.

Well, since this is our last time,

I guess we can make the most of it.

So... you really trust him, huh?

Completely.

Like all good mothers,

Gabrielle had purchased several
top-of-the-line baby monitors.

She had planned to use them to keep
a close watch on her newborn child.

That plan was about to change.

So I'm gonna go shopping
and then I'm gonna see my trainer,

and I'll definitely be
gone for, like, three hours.

Okay. Well, I gotta go. Have fun.

Not later, Penny.

Mommy's gotta change
you now 'cause you stink.

Here, taste this.

Oh, man!

Xiao-Mei, that is amazing.

You like?

Oh, yeah. Sorry if I'm making a mess.

It's okay. Mu shu pork
supposed to be messy.

I wish Gabrielle could cook like this.

Have you ever tried her enchiladas?

One time. They make me sick.

Mike still hasn't seen the invitation.

He will, and he'll meet you
for a romantic motor home rendezvous,

and you'll propose, he'll accept,
and you'll both live happily ever after.

You really think that's
what's gonna happen?

It's my deepest hope.

Oh, there he is.

We're in.

- Polly? That's a good name.
- No way.

- Pamela.
- I said I wanted Penny.

Oh, Lynette...

Eight hours of grueling labor.

That's not fair.

Neither are stretch marks,
but what are you gonna do?

I've only known one
Penny in my whole life,

- and she was a slut.
- Isn't your aunt named Penny?

Yeah, that's her.

Our daughter is officially named.

You may go now.

All right, I'll let you win this one,
but I get to name the next one.

You promised me we'd stop at four.

Remember? You wanted four kids,

I wanted one, and somehow
we compromised on four.

- Can we please stop now?
- Lynette, you're hurting me.

I will stop as soon as you promise.

Okay, I promise.

Okay.

Honey, I... I didn't mean to upset ya.

It's just...

We've been so happy.

Sweetie, sometimes when you're at work,

and I'm home alone
with three young boys,

I'm not so happy.

And now I'm gonna be
alone with four kids.

Each one is a blessing, yes,

but I don't think I can
take any more... blessings.

More blessings could
make me lose my mind.

- Do you understand?
- Yeah.

Thank you.

Honey, that really hurt.

- Did it hurt for eight hours?
- No.

Okay, then.

I must have been crazy,
agreeing to this.

Honey, you're gonna feel
differently once you meet Kayla.

She is a sweet, smart little girl,

plus it'll help you get
past your resentment of Nora.

I don't...

Well, here goes.

Hey, you!

- You must be Lynette.
- And you must be Nora.

I guess it'd be weird if we hugged.

Probably.

Wh-where's Kayla?

Oh, she didn't come.

We got into this huge fight,
and I was, like...

I just couldn't stand
to look at her face

on that long plane trip, so I
dumped her at the neighbor's.

But, hey, come on, you got me.

So, anyway, Kayla is doing great.

She's so pretty. She's so smart.

She's practically a
star on her soccer team.

I have the cutest picture.

You know, we wouldn't need a picture

if you had actually brought
her like you promised.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

You know, but I just
haven't had much time

to get away on my own since,
um, I've been taking care

of your kid for the
past 11 years, Superdad!

Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I know it's been hard.
You've done an amazing job.

Thank you. I think, so, too.
Apology accepted.

Anyway, I wasn't sure
that I wanted Kayla here

if we were gonna talk about business.

Business?

I was hoping that we could
talk about child support

since I've got, like, eleven
years coming to me, right?

You never told me I had a daughter.

My lawyer thinks that
I have a very good case.

We can't afford this. We have four kids.

Tom just lost his job.
That'd bankrupt us.

I'm the bad guy now when he's the one

that knocked me up and
abandoned his child?

How could he abandon her if he
didn't even know she existed?

That doesn't let him off the hook.

You know, you better do
right by me unless, of course,

you wanna be known as Mrs. Deadbeat Dad!

Just take it easy.

Are we just gonna keep talking louder?

Is that the plan?

You wanna just keep raising your voice

'cause that's how you
get what you want, right?

You make a scene, you throw a tantrum,

and everyone gets scared and backs off.

Well, I don't work that way, lady.

I don't care that my husband
was so phenomenally stupid

and/or drunk to actually
have sex with you.

I'm not gonna let it ruin my life.

Am I talking loud enough
for that to get through to you?

I'm just gonna pay the bill.

Karl, we've been through a lot together.

We will always be connected by Julie,

but... I know why you
bought me that house,

and I'm not moving into it.

- Susie, come on, I-
- Karl, we are not getting back together.

Not ever. You need to just
stop and realize that it's over.

I'm gonna marry Mike.

So I need you to sign these
because I have to be divorced first.

Mike popped the question.

No. He was going to, but then
you clocked him in the mouth

with a salad shooter, remember?

Actually, I'm going to pop the
question to him tomorrow night.

Guess it cuts down on the suspense
knowing he bought you a ring.

You would think so, but... no, it doesn't.

This is a lot to ask for a
man who still loves you, Susie.

I know.

But if you really do love me,

you'll let me go.

Okay, Susie. I can do that.

Well, you know where to find
me if it doesn't work out.

Oh, shut up.

I don't see another
way to make this work.

We've gotta dip into the pensions.

Oh, I don't like the sound of that.

Well, it's that or
the kids' college fund.

We'll write Nora one big check,

and in return, she'll sign away her
claim for the back child support.

If we're lucky,
she'll take the bird in the hand.

Okay, what are we
talking about? How much?

Well, we need to show her we're serious.

$30,000?

- Are you kidding? Thirty?
- If she takes you to court,

we'll lose and end up paying
11 years of child support all at once.

We could lose the house.

- Oh, we are screwed.
We are just plain screwed.
- Tom!

I am trying very hard
to be strong right now,

and you melting down is not helping me.

I'm sorry.

I know we're using up a
huge chunk of our savings,

but if it keeps that crazy
woman out of our life,

it is the best money we have ever spent.

We will be okay.

Hey there.

I was surprised to hear
you wanted a session.

Well, there's nothing like being
tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.

What do you wanna talk about?

Anything at all.

As you said, I...
I have a lot of issues.

Well, I assumed as much
when you told the ridiculous story

about your daughter
running off with a murderer.

Saw right through that, did ya?

Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree.

The human mind is my playground.

Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be flip.

But you came here
because you were troubled,

and then you refuse
any help we give you.

Things were falling apart
at home, and I just...

I just needed a place
to rest, that's all.

I think there's more to it than that.

Do you?

I think it has to do with your kids.

You don't want to talk about them.

Why is that?

Probably because I'm ashamed.

Ashamed?

My children were my life.

They were the reason that
I got up in the morning,

- so to have failed them as a parent-
- You think you failed them as a parent?

Well, my son is a sociopath,

and my daughter hates me enough
to have run away from home.

I'm certainly not gonna get
"Mother of the Year" anytime soon.

If your kids were here right now,
what would you tell them?

I would beg my son Andrew for
forgiveness for having given up on him,

and I would tell my
daughter not to worry,

that I have a plan to protect her.

And just what is that plan?

I've got everything ready to go.

Flowers, candles,
Elvis Costello CD all cued up.

- But who has the ring?
- He does.

So, wait, you're gonna
get down on one knee,

pop the question,
and while you're down there,

- dig in his pocket?
- What if you pull out his key chain?

Then I'm gonna have to find a
way to force it on my finger.

Oh, Xiao-Mei, where'd you
learn to kiss like that?

Sorry, that's Penny's baby monitor.

- It's always picking up weird frequencies.
- No, no, no! Don't turn it off.

Ohh! Move over.
My knees hit the dashboard.

I move seat back. Better?

Oh, yeah.

Are you done with my husband?

Good.

I have a little project for you.

Okay, Gaby, can we
please talk about this?!

You're the one that gave
me permission, remember?

You said, "Go have sex with somebody"!

To have meaningless sex, Carlos,

not to sleep with the woman
who's carrying our child!

What is the matter?!
Look, we're even!

You had an affair, and I had an affair!

I had a reason to. You were never here!

I've been here, Carlos.

I have tried so hard to not be selfish

and to put your needs above mine.

I mean, for God's sakes, look at me!

I have agreed to be a mother for you!

Look, Gaby, you have every
right to be mad at me.

So I'm gonna go and
check into a hotel room

and let you cool down, but
we are going to work this out.

Forget the hotel, Carlos. Get a lease.

I can go now, too?

No, you can start dinner.

What?!

You're not going anywhere,

not as long as you have
my baby in your belly.

I don't know what that meant,
but I didn't like the tone.

So just remember I am the boss of you,

or else I'm gonna make this
the worst nine months of your life.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Did you get the check?

Yeah, I wanted to
talk to you about that.

Do you have a minute?

Tom?!

I'm not the type of person that
can keep things bottled up inside.

- Really?
- So I'm just gonna have
to get this off my chest.

You made me feel really bad about
myself yesterday at the restaurant.

My sincerest apologies.

You treated me like
some sort of mercenary,

like the only reason I came here
was to extort money from you.

Well, to be honest,
first, we bought you pie,

then you tried to extort money from us.

See? There it is again, Lynette.
That mean streak.

All I want is what's best
for my child, for Tom's child.

As the mother of 80% of Tom's children,

I don't think it's
in their best interest

- for you to drive us into bankruptcy.
- Of course it isn't.

Here.

I signed the waiver that the
lawyer sent over with the check.

And I'm not even asking
for any back child support.

That's... that's...
that's great. Thank you.

See, Lynette? See?
It's not all about money.

It's not even a little bit
about money. It's about family.

'Cause we're all a big family now.

Sort of.

Which is why I took all the money
that you gave me, and I put it all down

on the sweetest little 2-bedroom
house over on Arden Drive.

Ar-Arden Drive over...
over by the mall?

Like, five minutes
from here Arden Drive?

It's perfect. I could
drop Kayla off here anytime

so she can play with her new siblings.

She can spend time with her Dad.

Well, to be clear, how
are you going to live?

How are you going to pay the mortgage?

- You don't have a job here.
- What is your problem with me, lady?!

I don't understand! You don't know me.

You don't know what I can do.

And yet you just always, just...

just... just...

Always on the attack. It's ugly,
and you should work on that.

Here's what I think.

I think that we should all work on this,

because I don't want every
Christmas to turn ugly

just because you and I don't get along.

Yeah, that would be a shame.

See, I told you she wasn't home.

Her car's not even here.

And you said the safe was upstairs?

Damn it, my mother must
have changed the combination.

Okay. Wait here. I'll be right back.

You did it.

You killed Melanie.

You put your jacket on her body.

I saw it, Matthew.

The police showed me the pictures.

Now you weren't there.
You don't know what happened.

Oh, God.

Caleb hurt her,

and Melanie threatened to bring
us all down because of that.

So your solution was to
make your brother think

he murdered a girl and
to make me think it?

What other choice did I have?

I knew that you wouldn't
hand Caleb over to the police.

I knew that you would protect him.

I would have protected you.

Well, I really couldn't count on that.

- Matthew...
- You don't love me as much as you love Caleb.

You never have.

Perhaps.

But it's because he's needed me more.

You are always going to
find love in the world.

Don't you understand?

He was only ever going
to get it from me.

You know, I know you believe that.

That's why I've tried
so hard to forgive you.

And who knows?

Maybe one day I will.

9-1-1. What is
your emergency?

I need the police.

See, I told you she had cash.

Danielle, I don't know
what you're planning,

but I need to talk to you right now.

Give it up, Mom. We're leaving.

I'm calling the police.

Do you remember that
girl, Melanie Foster?

Matthew is the one who killed her.

I know you don't want us to be together,

but that's the lamest
thing I've ever heard.

His mother told me what
happened. It's true.

Let's go, Danielle.

Mom, please move.

No. I gave up on your brother,

and I'm not gonna make
that mistake with you.

We don't have time for this.

Where did you get that?
What are you doing?!

Move away!

Danielle...

I want you to get out of the house now.

- He's a killer.
- Shut up!

Don't point that at my mother!

Danielle!

I'm serious. Go.

What's wrong with you?!
I'm gonna shoot you!

Matthew, stop it!

If that's what it takes...

to get my daughter...

- Stop it!
- ...to see who you really are...

- Stop pointing that at my mother!
- ...then fine.

- What are you doing?!
- Do it.

Stop!

It's okay, baby.

Hey, it's just me again. Um...

When you got the invitation,

I thought that you
gave me the thumbs up,

but I guess if that was actually...

some other type of finger gesture, uh...

well, I apologize for leaving you all
these messages and wasting your time.

This is the street
where I used to live...

and these were the people
with whom I shared my life.

I met them the day they moved in.

And I saw what they brought with them.

Beautiful dreams for the future.

And quiet hopes for a better life...

not just for themselves,
but for their children, too.

If I could, would I tell
them what lies ahead?

Would I warn them of the sorrow
and betrayal that lie in store?

No. From where I stand now,

I see enough of the road to
understand how it must be traveled.

The trick is to keep moving forward,

to let go of the fear and
the regret that slow us down

and keep us from enjoying a
journey that will be over too soon.

Yes, there will be
unexpected bends in the road,

shocking surprises we didn't see coming,

but that's really the point...

don't ya think?

- Orson.
- Oh, hey.

I wanted to come by and
see how you were doing

after your great escape,
and, uh, these are for you.

How sweet and... unexpected.

Do you wanna come in?

I'd love to.