Original subtitles

[car doors slamming]

[car engine starts]

** [synth music]

* Sunshine

* Come on in through my window *

* It's taken me all night

* To see your face

* A sure sign

* It's gonna be all right

* All the danger signs Have taken flight *

* To get me on my way

* I need more Good loving *

* I need the sunshine In my life *

* Let me find the way

* To your good loving

* Soon as you are mine, we'll be dangerous tonight *

* It's gonna be all right now *

* It's gonna be all right now *

* It's gonna be all right now *

* We'll be dangerous tonight *

* Phone calls, pictures on my wall *

* There ain't nothing gonna warm me like your smile *

* Well, sunshine lighting up my night *

* Sitting dangerous until our waking hour *

* Let me find the way

* To your good loving

* Soon as you are mine, we'll be dangerous tonight *

* It's gonna be all right now *

* It's gonna be all right now *

* It's gonna be all right now *

* Oh, we'll be dangerous tonight *

Hi, I'm Tympani Charles,

on the scene at Mission Beach in San Diego,

where the Miss Mission Beach

Beauty Pagent trials are underway.

And of course, where would a beauty pageant be

without the swimsuit?

That's why today, on Eye on the Beach,

we're going to explore

the explosive origins of the bikini.

The French fashion designer

was reading about the notorious A-bomb tests

on the Bikini Islands in the South Pacific,

and he decided to call his new two-piece bathing suit

the bikini.

It started out looking like this

and looked really groovy--

[burps] Oh, man.

I love public television.

...the fashion world, and like shrapnel

in the side of a soldier,

it's here to stay.

Who would have thought the bathing suit fad

would go from that to this?

Hey, Wally, what's up?

Ralphie, what's hanging? What's hanging?

Nothing much. Is the game back on or what?

Keep your panties on, will you?

I was watching a little educational television.

[laughing] I see.

The Remington Micro Screen...

No, come on. The game. All right.

[sports announcer chatter]

All right, now.

Moving down-- What a pass.

No, no.

I bet you 10 bucks he misses that shot.

You're on.

In your face. In your face.

I wasn't talking about that shot.

I'm talking about this shot right here.

In your face again, sir.

Eh, eh, pay up.

Put it on my tab, will you? Please?

All right. I'm going to have to charge you

a little collateral there, though, sir.

Wally.

Yes.

I need some more lotion.

Okay.

[beer cans clatter]

[hums]

Tough job, but someone's got to do it.

God, is this-- is that cellulite?

Oh, it is. Ohh!

That is it!

I don't believe you.

This is far too dangerous!

I'm getting out of here

before I get physical scars, Wally.

Where you going?

Hey, hey, you still owe me 10 bucks

for the tanning session.

[phone rings loudly] Aah!

God!

Oh, by the way, Chuckie,

I looped the phone through the stereo

on account of I wanted to make sure

you hear the phone if I wasn't around or something.

Gee, thanks, Walter.

[ring] Don't mention it.

Hey, what do you say you and me

roll on down to San Diego this weekend?

What for? [ring]

Well, we'll meet new, interesting people,

enjoy the fruits of clean living. Hmm?

You want to answer that, please?

Is that a yes, or is that a no?

It's an order.

[ring]

Hello.

Hi. Yeah.

I thought I told you not to call

while I'm watching the game.

Why? Because it throws off my concentration.

Oh, honey, you sound so sexy when you get mad.

Yeah. I love you, too. Mm-hmm.

Chuckie, it's your dad.

He's waiting. He's waiting.

Take the phone.

Hello.

Hello, Dad.

No, he's not a delinquent, Dad. He's my best friend.

Well, you don't have to feel sorry for me.

Mm. Ask your dad if we can borrow his car,

take it down to San Diego this weekend. Just ask him.

Yeah.

That's great.

Yeah, hold on a second.

I, uh-- Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Riverside. Mm-hmm.

Shh!

Dad, I won't embarass you. I promise.

Of course I appreciate it.

Okay. Well, yeah.

Thank you. And, um--

Okay, say hello to Mom. Okay, bye-bye.

Woo!

Way to go, Pop!

What, you finally make the will?

Better. The old man got me an interview

with Louis Faciano himself.

Great!

Who?

Louis Faciano.

You know, the owner of Faciano Industries.

He owns half the West Coast.

I've been interviewing there for months

with these lowly managers and personnel people.

Now, finally, Pop pulled through

to get me in with the man direct.

[whistles] What do you think?

My whole career depends upon it.

Well, if your whole career depends on--

it's really that important,

I'd go with a lovely print ensemble.

Thank you.

[Faciano] Come in.

Sit down.

Your father and I were in 'Nam together.

He tell you that?

Yes, sir. He did.

Saved his life once.

Bastard saved my life twice, and I owe him one.

That's the only reason you're here, you know.

Yes, sir.

One night, we were trapped in Tinh Quang Tri,

just below the DMZ.

It was pitch black. No moon.

I got separated from my platoon.

Wound up in the middle of a rice paddy,

surrounded by Charlie.

I couldn't see them, but I knew they were there.

I could feel them. They were close.

So close, I could feel their breath on the back of my neck.

I couldn't make a sound.

I just reached out, and I grabbed a handful

of one of the stinking little bastards.

One quick twist, his neck broke like peanut brittle.

You ever hear the sound of a neck breaking, Chuck?

No, sir.

Well, of course you haven't.

I killed three men that night, Chuck.

I'm not proud of it.

A matter of survival.

There's only one thing on this earth

that would drive me to kill again.

To break a man's neck with my bare hands. [knuckles crack]

To step on his face

and watch his limp body sink in the mud.

What's that, sir?

If anyone ever hurt my Maria,

I shudder to think what I would do to him.

Maria?

My daughter, Chuck.

She's more precious to me than my own life.

That's why I'm giving you the assignment.

You're George's son. I can trust you.

What assignment, sir?

It's the little girl's birthday come Sunday,

so I've arranged a surprise party for her at Tahoe.

And this is the main attraction.

A set of keys?

A Porsche, boy.

A brand-new Porsche.

I'm entrusting you with it for the weekend.

I got to leave town on business.

I want you to drive the car up to Lake Tahoe.

Meet me at the airport 9:30 Sunday night.

We drive it over to my baby,

and she'll love me forever.

Then maybe we can talk about your future

with Fociano Industries.

Here are the details, along with some petty cash.

What do you say?

Well, looks like you found your man, Mr. Fociano.

Oh, just one thing, Chuckie.

Don't forget the domino effect.

You screw up, and Maria's not ecstatic.

If Maria's not ecstatic,

the unquenchable desire to rip skin and flesh.

Understand?

Yes, sir.

I'll be a skinless mass with a broken neck.

Yeah.

Come on, pal. One day. That's all I'm asking.

Look, Walter, I just don't think it's a good idea.

I really don't.

Not a good idea to pick up beauty queens

like tomorrow ain't coming?

It's not a good idea to jeopardize my future.

What jeopardize? I have the foolproof plan.

Nothing is Wally-proof.

Guys, guys, guys, want to be careful with that, please?

This is very important.

Hey, hey. Take a hike, you leeches.

Now look, Chuck, this is what we do.

We head down to San Diego, right?

The night is young. The air is full of pheromones.

And, Chuckie, this is peak pheromone season in San Diego.

It gets to the point

where you got to wear a rain hat,

the pheromones are so thick.

I got the picture.

I know. So look,

we impress the girls

with these way-fresh wheels,

and they will be on our jammies

until the cows come home, and, Chuckie, Chuckie,

there ain't no cows in San Diego.

That's it? This is the extent of your plan?

Well, it's sort of a work in progress, Chuck.

I hadn't--

Look, Walter, Walter,

Walter, this is the reality of the situation.

This car and I are driving straight to Lake Tahoe.

And come Sunday night,

little Maria Fociano's going to be very happy.

And Papa Fociano's going to be very happy.

And I-- I'm going to be ecstatic

because I've secured a future with Fociano Industries.

Are you listening to me? Fociano Industries.

Did I mention how much starting salaries at Fociano was?

$60,000, Walter.

Starting at 60 grand!

Chuckie, Chuckie, Chuckie.

God put this Porsche smack in your lap

for the painfully obvious reason

of putting to an end your fear of women.

I am not afraid of women.

Then why don't you want to go meet the paragons of the species?

Look, I am as fond of the female species as the next guy.

Not if the next guy is me, and you know what?

I am the next guy. You got to live a little.

I live--

plenty.

You call this living?

You call this living?

I'm talking about quality of life, Chuckie.

I'm talking-- I'm talking about

things that you're going to write to your grandchildren about.

I'm sorry, it's imperative that I not listen

to a word you say. I'm going straight to Lake Tahoe.

** [calypso on car stereo]

[Jamaican accent] Yo, man, Tito is sounding def on the block, punk.

[normal voice] You know what?

This Mr. Fasano guy is okay in my book.

Hey, be careful with that

because my whole life is in there.

Chill out, Chas.

I'm not going to soil anything.

Will you look at this?

The Padres are hosting the Mets this weekend.

It's genius.

I know. I know. I know. I know.

I promised, no references to San Diego.

Though you-- you got to admit,

it has been a long, cold, lonely winter

without baseball. Walter.

And that the Mets game would be a brilliant way

to start the new season.

What? I'm talking baseball, not San Diego.

You ever been to Sea World down there?

Huh? Have you?

It's pretty intense. I'm serious about this.

It is. They got sea otters and shit,

and they have got Shamu the killer penguin.

Now, I don't know--

have you ever seen a penguin kill?

It's a killer whale.

Huh?

Shamu is a killer whale.

Oh, yeah. Well, they do have a killer whale.

Just be quiet. Just be quiet.

Sorry?

Just shut up.

Wow, Chas, you're in a bad mood, huh? I can tell.

I don't want to hear any more about killer penguins, okay?

And I don't want to hear any more of this Tito Paco guy.

You-- You just tossed Tito.

That's right.

Wow, Chas, that's radical.

Look, I'm dropping you off in San Diego.

What?

I can't handle this kind of guilt, Walter.

I'm too Catholic.

I'm dropping you off at the city limits,

and then I'm continuing by myself to Lake Tahoe.

Until then, I just want to have a little silence, okay?

Is that okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[police siren wails]

Oh, my God!

I can't believe I let you drive.

I think you had a serious lack of judgment there, Chuck.

License and registration, please.

Walter, Walter, what did I just say to you?

I don't know. Something about

how driving 55 isn't just a good idea.

It's the law.

I had you clocked at 95.

What?

Yeah, it's an unbelievable car.

I was only in second gear at the time.

Registration?

Oh, my God, my life--

Oh, my God, my life is over.

Here, sir.

So, Chuckie, how long are you going to stay pissed?

You haven't spoken to me in 20 minutes.

Look, just forget it. I'm just tired and hungry.

Are you sure?

Look, Walter, I am not angry with you.

Well, that's a relief.

So after this little snack stop here,

we're going to head to the beach, right?

No.

Hey, man, I think she likes you.

She was looking at you.

Yeah, she was looking at me, but she was looking at me

to get through to you. Come on.

Uh, Walter, do me a favor.

Lock my skis in the car so they don't get ripped off.

Sure, no problem.

[rip]

Oh, shit.

Blake, how can you eat

all this junk food all these years

and stay so thin?

You know what this stuff is filled with?

Preservatives.

Helps keep your body in its youthful state.

I can't believe you're making me join this pageant.

Listen, it's going to be great.

Don't worry about it. Just loosen up, eh?

Chuck, man, I got to talk to you.

About what?

It's about the Porsche, man.

Hey, ladies.

[Blake] That guy's a putz.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Bye-bye.

Hi. Let's hit the beach, Chuckles.

Walter, I'm heading back up north.

Wise up, homeboy.

This car out here is an instant skirt raiser.

It's not your car, Walter.

It's not my car. It's Mr. Fociano's car.

Oh, I'm not so sure Mr. Face is going to be pleased

about that scratch your skis put in the dashboard.

What?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you out of your small, reverberating mind?

Putting a gash in Mr. Foci--

Where'd you-- Where'd you put it?

I didn't touch it.

What do you mean, you didn't touch it?

I didn't move it.

What do you mean, you didn't move it?

Whoa, hard to get happy after this.

Hey, look, they didn't swipe the skis.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

No. Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Look, we got a parking ticket.

Aah!

Are you sure? Okay.

Yeah, thanks.

Well?

No, it wasn't towed.

Oh, man.

I still don't see what the big deal is. My life is over.

Why don't you call this Mr. Face guy?

I'm sure he's insured.

That's not the point, buster boy.

The point is I screwed up.

My father's going to kill me,

Mr. Fociano is going to kill me,

and his little daughter's going to kill me.

She hasn't even met me.

Relax. Nobody's going to kill you.

I'm sure this Mr. Face is a very reasonable guy.

He killed three guys named Charlie

with his bare hands.

[engine revs]

Chuck, look.

Taxi! Taxi!

Okay. Follow that red car.

What?

Follow the red car.

You guys might want to take in the rays and the view

over at the Miss Mission Beach

Beauty Pageant this afternoon.

Hey, babe, I want you to be the mother of my children!

[Blake] All right, listen up, boys.

One-eyed jacks and suicide kings are wild.

Game is draw.

Five cards. Lady with the queen bids.

What?

That's you. You bet first.

What am I supposed to do?

You got the queen. That's one of a kind.

Bet the farm.

How do you guys feel about pinochle?

Can't gamble in pinochle.

Well, couldn't we just play for fun?

No.

There's nothing fun about playing cards.

Ding Dong.

Fine. I'll play poker.

You might want to start

by betting a little more than just one chip.

Here. Just do a little more.

[chips clank]

You know what else?

I think your hair is going to need some work.

What's wrong with my hair?

It's not exactly what you'd call perky.

It's humdrum hair, Shell.

I have humdrum hair?

It kind of looks like you've been wearing a condom on your head.

And rubber heads don't win beauty pageants.

[Shawn] Hi, guys,

Guess who has adjoining rooms.

Oh, wait, let me think.

There you are, roomie.

I've been looking all over for you.

Mm. Lucky me.

What are you doing?

Playing go fish.

Go fish. Fish.

You know, if Miss Reed finds out you're gambling,

you could all be disqualified.

And the person who told her

would get stuffed and mounted.

Well, it's just a little friendly advice,

Miss Wisenheimer.

I'm no snitch.

[Woman] Shawn?

God. It's my mother.

Coming, Mother.

Well, I better go.

Adios.

Really sweet of you to drop by, Shawn. Bye.

[Shawn's mother] For crying out loud, Shawn,

you look like you've put on 3 pounds.

Mother, I have not gained 3 pounds.

How do you ever expect to win a beauty contest

with thunder thighs?

God. I do not have thunder thighs.

I do not have thunder thighs. I do not have thunder thighs.

[door slams]

[driver] There ain't no way

I'm going to catch that Porsche in this heat.

[Charles] Just keep looking, Hector.

Keep your eyes peeled.

You know, Walter, I'm never going to listen

to a word you say.

Would you get up, please? Hey, that smarts.

Keep your eyes peeled.

Yes, Bwana.

I'm sorry, guys.

Son-of-a-bitching car just disappeared.

Not that I had a chance in hell of catching it anyway

on account of this bad luck streak I've been on.

I guess I should have told you about that.

You know, I ain't had nothing good go my way

since...1974.

It's no problem, Hector. Don't sweat it.

Yeah. Anyway, here, look.

Take your 40 bucks back. I blew it.

Oh, no, no. Hec-- Hector.

You're a fine cab driver.

Great. Like that's all I ever wanted to be in life,

a fine cab driver.

Could you just stop the cab right here, Hector?

Just-- You found it?

Well, not exactly,

but I do think that we'll get some leads here.

We're out of here, Hec.

Hey, I can't blame you guys.

I'd want out of this hell cab, too,

if I didn't have to drive the damn hunk of tin.

I got a one-way ticket on the highway to hell,

and there ain't no sense in dragging two guys like you

with bright futures down into the fiery pits with me.

That'll be 78.50.

Walter, look, this is an unnecessary distraction.

We're not getting any closer to finding that Porsche.

[man] Yo, dude, ski Diego.

We're witnessing the descent of man, Charles.

Oh, great, now my shoes are wet.

Don't worry about it.

Reminds me of one of your parties, actually.

Look, Walter, come on. Come on.

Come on? What do you mean, come on? Come on where?

We'll find some police and we're going to speak to the police.

Whoa, I got to get you out of that sun there, Chuckles.

It's beating down that thinning hair of yours.

Hey, my hair is not thinning, okay?

What do you think the cops are going to do?

What do you think the cops are going to do?

They're going to help us find the Porsche!

Get real, Charles.

All they're going to do is call Mr. Face.

And God knows I've heard some of those conversations.

The last thing you want to do is have him come down here.

Well, what? You got a better plan?

Trust me, homeboy. I'm on it like a hornet.

Oh, great.

[cheering, applause]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, here they are,

the seven finalists in the 1988

Miss Mission Beach Beauty Pageant.

Aren't they wonderful, ladies and gentlemen?

In this first segment of our competition,

Our judges-- judges, ladies and--

You call these-- Who am I kidding?

Looks like Stonehenge, ladies and gentlemen.

Anyway, folks, in this segment of our competition,

these wonderful people here

will be judging these wonderful people here

on their carriage and their poise

and their-- [babbling]

You know what I'm talking about, ladies and gentlemen.

You know what I'm talking about?

These guys are Neanderthals.

Yep. Welcome to the wonderful world of pageantry.

Here we go. From Needles, California,

Michelle West.

And, ladies and gentlemen, from Austin, Texas--

What is she, a cowboy? She going to ride a horse?

She's Blake Courtland, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

our next contestant, from Encino, California--

Encino? The mall must be closed.

Folks, I'm on fire.

Ladies and gentlemen, Shawn Brooks.

Well, here goes nothing.

[scoff] You're telling me.

Okay, folks.

You know, I don't know the way,

but she might. She's from San Jose.

Ladies and gentlemen, Leslie Cruz.

Can you believe this?

My Shawn is much prettier than those other girls.

Oh, we'll have to do something about this.

[Announcer] Now, ladies and gentlemen,

from San Francisco,

Tracy Armani.

From south of the border--

You know, folks, before I continue,

let me just tell you,

people are people to me.

I don't care what your race, creed, or color--

I don't care what your ethnicity or religion--

I don't care if you're Mexican,

if you're Cuban,

if you're from Dominican Republic,

Peru, Brazil, Chile,

you're all Puerto Rican to me.

That's the beauty of it, ladies and gentlemen.

So's our next contestant.

Angel Salazar Conseulo Alonza.

Hey, there she is.

Chuck, trust me. Lighten up.

I wouldn't let you down. I have a plan.

Just have to think of it.

Your plan? Great. Plan.

I should have listened to my father.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our winner will not only receive $10,000 in cash,

but also she will look hot when she drives away,

ladies and gentlemen,

in her brand-new 1988 Porsche.

All right, that's it, folks.

You've been wonderful,

and come back tomorrow because we've got

the wonderful and exciting talent competition.

I'm sure we got tons of talent in this group, folks.

All right, how about it, ladies and gentlemen?

Big round of applause for these wonderful, fantastic women.

It's a migration.

Where are all these people coming from, huh?

I don't know.

Walter, Walter, that's it.

That's our car, right there.

Chuck, I know it looks like our car, but it's--

Walter, a mother has instincts.

You're bugging out on me again, pal.

Come on. Nobody's that stupid.

It would take a tremendous set of brass balls

to jock a set of wheels

and then put it on display for the whole world to see.

Sheesh, 65 grand.

I didn't realize you were in this much trouble, Chuck.

Hold the phone. Stop the presses, Chuck.

I think you may be right.

What?

I think that this is our car.

This, this car-- this is Mr. Face's car.

I know that, Walter.

I feel it in my bones, and my bones don't lie.

Well, neither does that gash

that your skis put in the dashboard.

I can't believe you put a gash in Mr. Fociano's Porsche.

Are you trying to ruin my life?

Wait a minute. You have ruined my life.

[guard] Hey!

Get the hell away from that car.

Come on, buddy. Beat it.

What are you morons doing?

Look, guys, this is our car.

Yeah? Yeah, we knew that.

Thanks for letting us use it for the contest.

[fake laughs]

No, no, no, you don't seem to understand.

You see, my father got me in to see Mr. Fociano--

Move it now.

Move it before I have to shoot you.

It's my car. I swear to God, it's my car.

Beat it.

That's it. Right up there.

You sure?

The bellboy said the hotel director

was running the pagent.

It should be right up here.

All right, let me do the talking.

That's a real novel idea.

We're dead.

Chuckles, don't let Mr. Negativity get you down.

You got to be positive.

Miss Reed.

Whoa.

Who are you?

Well, my name is Mookie Wilson.

I'm a journalist down here doing a story

on the beautiful beauty pageant

that you're having at your wonderful hotel here.

It's kind of a human interest thing

for our Sunday supplement.

Now, let me first start by saying

that for a lady of age and authority,

you are one spicy-looking potato.

And you need to get your mind out of the gutter

and your tongue back into your mouth

and your eyes off my body

and just tell me what you want.

Right. Well, like I was saying,

I am a journalist,

and this is my trusty photographer Benny Hana.

A photographer should not be caught dead without his skis.

Oh, I left my camera in the car.

In fact, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

That beautiful grand prize Porsche

that you have parked out in back?

Well, it's a mighty nice set of wheels.

Where'd you get it?

I'll ask the questions, Benny.

Sorry, Mookie.

So, where'd you get it?

Just exactly what newspaper do you gentlemen represent?

The Times. The Examiner.

I don't know what your gig is,

and I don't care.

Well, look, I-- I want to apologize for my friend.

We're not reporters.

No.

No, we're not.

Look, I just want to know about that car.

You see, it was stolen from me earlier this morning.

Are you telling me that the Porsche is yours?

Well, no, not exactly mine.

You see, Mr. Fociano charged me

with the task of driving it to his daughter,

and the reason we're coming to you

and not the police is because

if Mr. Fociano found out

that we're in San Diego and not Lake Tahoe,

and on top of that

the car he's giving to his daughter,

who he loves more than life itself,

has been stolen, he may very well kill me,

or at the very least, never give me a job,

and I'll spend the rest of my life

wiping the drool off the chins

of my fellow losers at the soup kitchen.

I am terribly sorry. I wasn't listening.

Could you just repeat that?

I'd--

We're having a real bad day.

A bad day.

Gentlemen, today, my ex-husband,

who is a lunatic, is being paroled.

My teenage son left my house wearing a black mini dress.

My secretary's incompetent.

Elvis is dead.

Thank you very much, ma'am. We appreciate all your--

It's the ozone that eats the air.

You know, that woman has a major attitude problem.

So what's our big plan now, Mookie?

How much money you got?

This ought to be enough right here.

Enough for what?

For supplies, that's what.

Supplies? Supplies for what?

Trust me.

[boots clop]

What are you doing? You know how much those skis cost?

Shh! Do you want to get the car back or not?

Of course I do, but this is--

Well, Miss Prissy knows something.

We're going to find out what it is.

I feel very ridiculous about this entire thing.

Go, get down.

Are these hats absolutely necessary?

I'm sweating like a pig.

Quit complaining, will you? I need my concentration.

Walter.

What the hell kind of security system is this?

Careful. You could trip a silent alarm.

This place could be covered with laser beams.

You can't be serious.

Never underestimate the paranoia

of the thieving scum of the earth, Charles.

What are you doing?

I'm checking for infrared light sensors.

Oh, God.

Shh!

Okay, it's all clear.

Thanks.

It's locked.

It is?

Well, well.

What?

It's an invoice for the Porsche.

Krevske Motors, Incorporated.

Yeah. [knocks head]

What's that knocking?

I hear something.

[gun is cocked]

You go. I'll cover you.

I-- I'll cover you.

You always get to cover. You go.

Yeah.

You go ahead. I'll cover you.

I thought I was covering you.

Right, right. You're covering me.

You're covering me.

I-- I think it's clear.

Yeah.

Mm, coconut. That's my favorite.

Oh, come on, Boggs.

They're gone?

Let's get the hell out of here.

[equipment clatters]

Shh!

[guard] There they are. Stop!

Quick, after them.

Okay, I'll get them.

Go, go that way!

Stop it, you scumbags!

Halt!

Come on, would you hurry?

Hurry up.

Don't shoot, Boggs. I want to take them alive.

Split up!

I'll kill those--

I'll go this way.

[Walter] Chuckie!

I got you. Aah!

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Wait.

Whoa!

What's that stuff you're drinking anyway?

Tequila. You want some?

Oh, no. God, no.

Come on, it's good for you.

Makes your tits grow.

Course, it also makes them all hairy.

I prefer my tits small and smooth, thank you very much.

Fine. Be a Barbie doll all your life.

Aah!

How you doing?

I may kill you.

You're going to have to wait in line.

Try every door.

You know what this place needs?

Yeah. Men.

Hey!

What the hell are you guys--

[Charles and Walter breathe heavily]

Oh, my--

Hey.

Hey, you guys are the guys

from the convenience store this morning.

You bought Ding Dongs and Twinkies and stuff, right?

Blake, don't leave me here.

No, we're not dangerous or anything.

We're good guys.

We just-- Don't you remember us?

Hey, wait a minute.

Y'all the guys with the skis, huh?

Hey, don't let them fool you.

Jack the Ripper probably carried skis.

Shh!

[whispering] We're trying to hide.

But who are you guys?

They're criminals.

Name's Wally Wilder, but those in the know call me Mookie.

As in Mookie Wilson?

You know Mookie?

Sure do.

Will you go to bed with me?

You know, where I come from,

when a man wants to court a woman,

he at least brings her flowers,

writes her charming love notes,

and takes her to dinner and feeds her first.

[Wally] Well, can't we pretend

we did that stuff already?

Can I ask just a silly question?

Sure.

What the hell are you doing in our room?

Well, it's a long story.

But if you got a couple hours.

You get your butt off my bed.

Blake, get me down right now.

Don't touch me.

Get me down. Get me down.

[Walter] Stop.

Who's your friend?

What friend?

The one staring at me with that possessed look in his eyes.

Oh, that would be my trusty sidekick Kato.

He gets stuck sometimes.

Hi.

Blake, call security.

No, no, please.

Let me explain what's happening here,

why we're dressed like this.

See, this morning, at that lovely groceria,

some thug appropriated Mr. Fociano's Porsche.

Our car was stolen. Right.

So we follow it down to the beach,

and the next thing we know,

we see that it's the grand prize

of your beauty contest.

Right.

Come on, Kato. What, you think we were born Tuesday?

Now that I think about it,

how do I know that you two weren't involved in it?

Oh, that does it.

Ix-nay on the accusations, Chuck.

You're not exactly winning your way

into their pants. Know what I mean?

Well, it's extraordinarily coincidental, don't you think?

Hello. Can I have security please?

No, stop. Don't do that.

Really, he was only kidding.

He doesn't really think that you're thieving scum.

He's just too shy to tell you

how beautiful he really thinks you are.

Right, Chuck?

Yeah. You've got a beautiful scowl.

Hello, security?

This is room 512.

We have a problem up here.

Yeah. Thank you very much.

Okay.

Okay, boys, thank you very much

and goodbye.

Well, actually, just forget the thank you.

I don't think you're involved in this.

Goodbye.

Way to go, Chuck.

Bye.

I'm really sorry, please, I--

[Walter] Call us later?

Leslie? Mm-hmm.

If you were to choose an adjective

to describe my thighs,

you wouldn't use the word...

thunder, would you?

I can't say I've given your thighs that much thought, Shawn.

Well, if someone had a gun to your head

and made you choose a word,

it wouldn't be thunder, would it?

What were my options?

Shawn?

Oh, God. It's my mother.

[whispering] You have no idea where I am.

Absolutely none.

None.

Shawn? Oh, hello, Leslie. Where is she?

Oh.

Shawn, dear.

Come on now, darling.

I've decided we're going to have to take some measures

if we're going to win this.

Mother, until I see you out there in a bikini,

stop saying we.

[metal detector trills]

What the hell?

Uh, look, man,

it's none of my beewswax or nothing,

but I strongly recommend

that you get out of there

before that thing gets any closer.

[plow honks]

Wow, man, this is a gnarly set of boards.

Bam Bam?

Yeah?

How long you lived here?

[scoffs]

Jeez, I--

I couldn't tell you exactly, man.

Time has become an abstract notion for me.

What kind of a name is Bam Bam?

It's a nickname.

What do you think, my parents named me Bam Bam?

Where'd you get the name Bam Bam, Bam Bam?

Well, I--

A-- A guy--

Well, I--

I have no idea.

Wheat germ?

Oh, no thanks.

I've got hops and barley.

Charles?

Yeah, please. Thank you.

So this car is right here under your nose,

and you can't do anything about it, huh?

No. I mean yes.

I've got a plan.

You have a plan?

Of course I have a plan.

We're going to steal it back.

Oh, just like that. We're going to steal it back.

No, not just like that, homie boy.

Homeboy.

Yeah, well, whatever.

We sneak in the hotel,

and we're going to hotwire the car.

Really? So you know how to hotwire a car.

Well, no, but how hard could it be?

How old are you, Chuck?

I'm 21.

Man, when I was your age,

I was 22.

Bam Bam, do you know how to jock a set of wheels?

You kidding me? I was born in the back seat

of a hotwired El Dorado.

So you'll help us?

No way, amigo.

Mm-mm. No.

Uh-uh. No.

Lately, I've been on the up and up.

Besides, I--

I can't remember how.

Could you take a look at this?

What's this?

It's a bogus pink slip.

Yeah.

Here.

You know that guy?

He's the biggest thief in San Diego.

Half the cars he sells are hot.

The klepto don't stop at cars, neither.

He's got TVs, microwaves,

even surfboards.

So all we have to do is have a talk

with this Krevske character, right?

Easier said than done, bongo.

Man lives on a boat.

Almost never touches dry land.

All his flunkies do his dirty work.

They'd just as soon

slice your eyeballs as talk to you.

This is not good news.

All right, I'll help you.

You will?

Yeah, I think, uh...

I-- I--

Think I remember how.

Great.

Okay, here's the deal.

You got something like this here, all right?

Now, there's a little thing here.

What is that?

It's the Porsche.

There's no way that's the Porsche.

Well--

Looks like a aardvark.

You're right, Bam Bam. It does.

An aardvark or an anteater.

Which one has the bigger snoot?

I don't know.

I always thought they were the same thing.

Well, they both eat the same thing, but, um--

Something I've always wondered about is

when they're sticking their snoot down an anthill,

how come they don't always get

a lot of ants crawling up their noses?

Oh, but they do, man.

It must be a common aardvark problem.

Are you kids finished?

Walter, would you excuse us for just a minute?

Don't worry about me. I guess I'm nobody.

I'm driftwood. Eh.

Hey, man.

Hey.

Just a word of advice, Chuckie.

Oh, God.

I am where I am today

by choice, not by chance, man.

I took a look at the men at the top,

you know, and I decided to stay right here,

near the bottom.

I don't have high blood pressure.

I don't get tension headaches.

Look, man, I see-- I seen what money can do to people.

It jumbles their sense of priorities.

It warps their minds.

Bam Bam, what are you getting at?

Look, stop giving yourself an ulcer

just to please the Man.

Live, Chuck!

Come on, say "I am alive."

Say it. "I am alive."

I am alive.

Say it again. "I am alive."

I am alive.

Hey Walter, I think this sucker's alive.

I think he's going to make it.

Yeah, I think he's alive.

Where the hell are they hiding it?

They're not hiding it, Chuckles.

Walter, not now, please.

They put it on a pedastel.

Hey boys, this car is on a pedastel.

Yeah?

Well, you didn't tell me it was on a pedastel.

Is there some sort of problem it being on a pedastel?

Well, you could say that, man.

You got a PP here.

What's-- What's PP?

Pedastel problem.

Bam Bam, I thought you said

that you've done this type of thing before.

I never heisted a car

off a pedastel before.

Very few cars on pedastels where I come from.

Where do you come from?

I-- I-- Well, look,

I may not know where I'm from,

but the important thing is

I know where I'm going.

And where are you going?

Up on this pedastel, into this car.

Give me that set.

Now what?

What do you mean, now what?

That's the extent of your plan, Bam?

Getting into the car?

Pretty much, man.

Oh, that's a good plan.

So basically our goal now

is to get these wheels closer to the ground.

Yeah, right. And then we can just start the car.

I can start it for you now.

[together] No.

Don't start the car. Let me get out.

I'll guide you back.

What's the matter?

It's those pesky autograph hounds.

I'm just not in the mood.

You know what the average temperature is in San Diego?

Scrunch. Scrunch.

Bam Bam, just scrunch.

What do you mean, scrunch?

I didn't scrunch.

I don't smell nothing.

Get down. Bam Bam!

I thought we were dropping this subject.

72. And I'm not even talking humidity.

There must be over half a million air conditioners

in that area alone.

And you know something?

They all going to break down some day.

Look, I already told you,

I'm not taking any air conditioning repair courses with you.

We could be raking it in with air conditioning repair.

We'd be living on easy street.

And it's a lot less perilous than this.

Hey! Cut it out, will you?

That hurt. You think it tickles?

What is this I'm eating?

Liverwurst.

Shouldn't have asked.

You just think of it as pâté.

Great. My nose is in my balls,

and they're comparing pâté and liverwurst.

Shh.

You see, the thing is

once we capture air conditioning repair,

then we can branch out into other areas,

like refrigeration--

What is it with you

and these correspondence courses, huh?

Do you really think anything will ever come of it, huh?

Got me this job.

You got this job through a correspondence course.

That's right.

You learned to be a security guard through the mail.

That's right.

In four short weeks.

[horn honks] Ooh.

Hey, it's those guys again.

Grab them!

There they are. Go, go, go.

[Walter] Follow me.

They got to be around here somewhere.

Wait. Wait a sec. Wait.

You okay?

I got to take a rest.

You look like you fainted.

I feel sick.

Walter.

Sorry, I-- I--

Hi.

Chuck, we got to go!

Hey baby, how you doing?

Walter!

Quick. They're over here.

Move it.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Are you sure? Okay?

Whoa, hang on. I got an idea.

Right here. Right here.

Okay, stand right here. Be cool.

You okay?

You all right?

Ladies. [whistles]

How are you?

[girls laugh]

Walter, what exactly are we doing,

and why are we carrying this equipment?

I got another plan. Trust me.

Why do I know I'm going to regret this?

Look at this.

We have been invited to a party

upon the good ship Krevske.

Oh, great. I just love sailing.

Yeah, well, it starts in an hour, Blake.

Oh, got to see if I have a yachting dress somewhere.

What do you wear?

Some tight nautical thing.

[knocks]

I told you, those guys are dangerous.

Weird, maybe, but dangerous?

I doubt it.

Can I talk to you?

Just for a little second. I promise. Please?

Hey, what's your name?

Chuck.

I thought your name was Kato.

No, no. Chuck.

Hey, your friend said your name was Kato.

My friend is a product of inbreeding.

Well, can I call you Kato anyway? I like it better.

Okay. Are you sure you don't know anything about my Porsche?

Do I look like a thief to you?

No, no, of course not.

But--

Let me explain what's happening here, okay?

Someone stole my Porsche.

Well, it wasn't my Porsche.

It was Mr. Fociano's Porsche.

Slice his rope.

Mr. Fociano?

Right, right. Someone stole it,

and now, it's the grand prize

in your beauty pageant.

Oh, yeah, right.

You don't believe me?

Well, even if I do,

what do you want from me?

I want a little help.

Please, just a mo-- a moment of help.

[Blake] You need it.

Please, will you help me?

You know, you seem to be forgetting one thing.

If we win this, it's our car.

So why should we help you steal our own Porsche?

Could you hold on just for one second?

I'll be right back.

What happened?

She said why should she help us steal the car

because if she wins the contest,

she's going to get the car.

And what'd you say?

Nothing.

Hello!

I'm sorry. I was flustered.

I couldn't think.

She's half-naked.

Well, let me go down there.

No, no, no, I can handle it.

All right, look, Chuck.

Try to explain to her that the car

does not legally belong to the pageant.

Therefore, you cannot give away what is not yours.

Right, that's good. I like that.

Okay, let her rip.

Okay. You can't give us the Porsche

because it doesn't belong to you.

I mean, the pageant. It doesn't belong to you.

Oh, well, that explains it.

Michelle, we are going to be late.

I mean, the good ship Krevske sets sail soon.

The what?

Krevske!

The Krevske?

Aah!

Ow!

Was that a yes or a no?

Chuckles!

I'm going to kill you.

[Walter] Hector, we got to get down to Krevske's boat

before it launches.

Are you crazy? You'll never get near Krevske.

He's surrounded by heavyweights.

[engine revs]

Look, you'll never get on that fancy boat

without suits. Leave it to me.

[crowd chatters]

Looking good. Good. Winning? Very good.

Nice to see you. Good to see you.

Yes, yes, yes.

Where is he seated?

Right over there.

Okay, fine. Very good.

All right. Yeah, very good.

Hit it. Hit it. Hit it.

Good to see you.

[clears throat]

Hello, my dear.

Hello, Greg.

Come on, Walter. Let's go.

How come you got the better tie?

What are you talking about? They're exactly the same.

Now come on. The boat's leaving. Let's go.

I didn't bring my Dramamine.

[boat whistles]

Very nice.

Thank you very much. Let's go.

Chas, man, check these things out.

Yeah, they look like a lot of fun, Walter.

Come on.

Hello.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

How are you? Very nice. Good.

[boat whistles]

Blake, where are the other girls?

I don't know, but I think we're in the wrong place.

Yeah. Let's get out of here.

Wait, one quick hand first.

Blake.

I owe you one.

Say the word, my dear,

and they won't touch dry land for a week.

One night will be plenty.

I can't believe this.

Sir, sir.

Yes, may I help you ladies?

Uh, yes. We just realized

we have to get back to shore.

Right. We have this talent competition

in about two hours, and if we don't get back soon,

we're going to be disqualified.

Oh, I'm so sorry, ladies,

but we ain't going back to shore.

And we don't dock till 8 tomorrow morning.

Well, then you're just going to have to

move this piece of crap around, then, won't you?

I don't have to do nothing unless you make me angry,

so just shut up and sit tight.

Oh, boy.

Right.

Wally? Wally?

[crowd cheers]

[crowd cheers]

[Man] He's unbelievable!

It's Mookie.

Ladies, what's happening?

Will you blow on my dice?

Blow on your what? The dice. Blow on the dice.

Listen, I got all my money on the line here.

I'll buy you diamonds and shit. Just blow. Blow.

Oh, yes. Okay. All right. Let's let it all ride.

Buy the lady some diamonds. Here we go. Here we go.

[cheering]

All right!

Hey, is that who I think it is?

It's Mommie Dearest.

I have a feeling I know what we're doing on this boat.

Conniving little snot-faced rattlesnake.

Wait a second.

Mandrake, take care of that. Right away, sir.

Hey, what the hell is going on with these dice? These things are loaded.

What the hell is this,

a goddamn full moon or something?

Excuse me.

You bitch! You--

[gasps]

Pig!

These dice are loaded! They're using-- [stutters]

He's got the cart.

Get those sons of bitches. Get the sons of bitches.

Send me everything you got.

I'll meet you at the top. I got an idea.

God, aren't there any lifeboats on this barge?

Here. Right here. Okay, all right.

Ah, after you. You first.

No, after you. No, you first.

What the hell? Let's go together. Okay.

Okay, well, I, uh--

I love danger.

You would.

[both screaming]

God, I hate this.

It's not so bad. Come on.

[both screaming]

[both] 1, 2, 3.

[both screaming]

[engines revving]

[speaking native language]

[Chuck] Wally, the car that goes with these keys I found

should be around here somewhere.

[speaking native language]

Mr. Krevske was kind enough

to give us a loaner until we got our Porsche back.

[all] Krevske, yeah!

[cheering]

It's beautiful!

The best!

[engine starts]

[tires squeal]

Okay, now, it's imperative, Michelle,

you tell us what time the Porsche comes off the pedestal--

Chuck, I understood and accepted the mission

somewhere around the tenth time you told me.

Right. I'm sorry. You're right.

You're right. I'm sorry.

No. Hey, hey.

You saved the day today. We owe you a lot.

Come here.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Chuckie. Mwah.

What am I, leprosy?

Thank you, too, Mookie.

Bye.

I'm getting shanked in a big way, chuckie.

This vacation-- it's not going the way I planned.

It's a gross and unjust world, Walter.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Hector, our man! Hectorino, my man!

Nice set of spokes you got there.

What the hell are you guys doing

driving around in my godforsaken Beelzebus

when you got that thing? Huh?

Well, it's a recent acquisition.

You stole this car from Krevske?

Well, uh... yeah, we did. Uh-huh.

[laughs]

Listen, could you do us a big, chunky favor?

Hey, anything for you guys. You made my day.

Stealing something from old man Krevske is kind of poetic.

Yeah, well, Mr. Old Man Krevske's

kind of hot on our tails right now.

I was wondering, could you take care of this till the morning?

Sure. Ah, great.

I owe you one.

Yeah, the keys are in it.

If you can start it, you can have it.

Oh, thanks, Hec, that's real swell of you.

It's no problem.

Wow.

Hey, hey, you mind if I drive it

around the old neighborhood a couple times,

impress the local scumbags?

Go nuts, Hector.

Well...

Until the morning, girls.

[engine starts]

[laughing]

Home, James.

[Chuck] Now, let me see if I've got this straight.

Thanks to Michelle, we now know

when the car is coming off the pedestal

and onto the stage.

[Michelle] Glad I could help.

[Walter] Hector's agreed to meet us with Krevske's car.

[Chuck] So if all goes right...

[Blake] And if we keep our fingers crossed...

[Chuck] Then we might just pull this off.

[Bam Bam] I don't know, man.

I still can't figure out where the aardvarks come in.

[Walter] I ran over an aardvark one time.

No. I swear to God.

You did? I did.

Well, are you sure it was an aardvark?

Did it have a long, thin snoot?

You know, the snoot they get in that anthill.

No, it was the same size, but it was bigger.

Oh, that's a giant aardvark. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a different animal.

A jumbo aardvark, I think they call it.

No, no. I giant aardvark is a different animal,

and that looks like a elephant.

You know, I just want to say

that I appreciate... I don't know.

You know, I just appreciate.

It's okay.

You don't have to thank me,

if that's what you were doing.

Yeah. That's what I was trying to do.

It didn't come out too good. No.

I ain't never seen that. Huh.

I don't know. I'm a little aardvarked out here.

Me, too.

You know, I have to admit

that the first time I met you

I thought you were an idiot.

Oh, yeah? Great.

Yeah. I mean, you were

a completely inept, bumbling fool.

I mean, everything you did was wrong.

You were such an idiot.

Okay, okay. I get the picture.

Hey, no, that was just a first impression.

Sometimes I'm wrong on first impressions.

Okay.

You're okay.

Thanks a lot.

I guess. I appreciate that.

* And I

* Found a very special love

* In you

* It's a feeling that's so totally new *

* Over and over

* It's burning inside

* I

* Found a very special love in you *

* It almost breaks me in two *

* Squeezing me tighter

* I'm

* Never gonna let go

* You're

* Not like the rest I know

Maybe.

What?

Maybe not?

Um, "maybe not" what?

Didn't you just say something?

I didn't-- no, I didn't.

Oh. Sorry.

I thought you just said something.

Oh, no. No.

* You can count on always

* To love you

* And I

* Found a very special love

* In you

* It's a feeling that's so totally new *

Nervous?

No.

Well, yeah.

I am. I-- I get... an internal thing.

Well, no, but I mean

right now, specifically.

Are you nervous?

Yes.

I can tell.

* But I'm

* Never gonna let go

Look, there's something I have to tell you.

What?

* I found

* A very special love in you *

* It's a feeling that's so totally new *

* Over and over

* It's burning inside

* I

It was our first kiss.

How about a second kiss?

Really? Yeah, we could.

* Squeezing you tighter

* I'm

* Never gonna let go

* I found a very special love in you *

Hi.

Hi.

She didn't come back at all last night?

No.

So is she in love with this guy?

I didn't say anything about love.

Who's in love?

Ew. Did you just sort of feel something?

You mean like a breeze?

You know, I think I left the door open.

[slam]

Come on, you guys. Listen, I'm sorry about last night.

Forget about them, dear. You have to get ready.

What are you talking about, Mother?

I am ready.

You're going out on stage looking like that?

That's it. I've had it.

You know what, Mother?

you can just forget about the Miss Mission Beach Pageant.

And to tell you the truth,

I don't think I had a hell of a chance

in the Jheri Curl Calendar Contest.

In short, I am going out there today

and taking whatever I deserve.

And after that, my beauty pageant days are over.

Done.

Don't be ridiculous. Shawn--

Mother, those were my friends

that you dragged out on that stupid boat last night.

Well, they could have been.

Mother, I just want to live a normal life for once.

Come on. Let's go.

Hey, Shawn, wait up.

Call now and receive a free gift.

Call now and receive a free gift.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm preparing to enter

the exciting world of broadcasting.

I think you ought to enter

the exciting world of psychotherapy.

That's your opinion. That's my opinion.

Enough. We've got to get the car up to the stage.

[both] Mr. Krevske, sir.

Where the hell are they?

We don't know, sir. After they stole your car, we lost them.

After they stole my what?

Your car, sir.

We saw them pulling away as we arrived.

I'm gonna have an aneurysm.

An aneurysm!

Did you find the girls?

No, sir. We couldn't find them.

You couldn't find them. I'm gonna kill you.

No, I'll do that later.

We'll go to the beauty pageant.

Ow. You know my future's on the line.

Sorry, pal. Didn't know it was loaded.

Michelle, go.

All right. Don't move. [water gun sprays]

Don't even think about it.

Off with the stuffy uniforms now!

Come on, come on.

Great work, Michelle, thanks.

Watch the neck.

Take it off. Faster! Yes!

[horn blows]

Perfect timing, Hector.

Way to go, Hec. Right on schedule.

Hey, folks.

Over the past few days, this field of beauty--

Field? Field? If this is a field, folks,

put me out to pasture. Oh, my word, folks.

Over the past few days,

we've whittled this field of beauties behind me

down to three finalists.

Now, today, folks,

we're gonna meet those three finalists.

Then hold our breath and cross our fingers

as the judges choose one lucky girl

to be Miss Mission Beach 1988.

[cheering]

Blake Courtland, ladies and gentlemen. [screams]

[cheering]

And our next finalist, ladies and gentlemen,

Michelle West. Michelle West, everyone.

Where is she?

What is she? Is she out getting a henna?

She out getting a tint?

What is this henna? An Egyptian hair treatment?

You wanna look Egyptian? Stand like this, for crying out loud.

Build a pyr-- There she is, ladies and gentlemen.

Michelle West.

Michelle West.

[cheering]

All right, folks. Now our final finalist.

Shawn Brooks, ladies and gentlemen.

[cheering]

Go. Are you sure?

I'm really happy for you. Go.

[cheering]

Our Miss Mission Beach finalists,

ladies and gentlemen. There they are.

How about a big round of applause for them?

[cheering]

Well, it's about time.

You guys should've been here half an hour ago.

Hey, nice wheels. But where's the Porsche?

While our judges are tabulating their votes,

they've got a little live entertainment planned for you.

They went and hired entertainment

because they couldn't use me

because what, I'm not good enough?

I'm nothing, ladies and gentlemen?

54 years in show business, folks.

What's this?

That's enough incriminating evidence

to send Greg Krevske up the river

for a good period of time.

Where'd you get this?

I found it.

We've been trying to bust Krevske for ten years,

and you're trying to tell me you found this stuff?

Call me lucky.

Looks like we're going sailing.

Wait a minute. You might want to stick around

'cause I have a feeling old man Krevske

might be rolling up any minute.

What makes you say that?

[both] Mmm, gut feeling.

Hey, Quinn. Yeah.

Feel a draft?

Yeah, and it's going right up my shorts.

You know, I been thinking.

That broadcasting thing doesn't sound so bad.

* Hey, pretty baby * Can't sit down

* Don't you hear the drums calling * * Can't sit down

* You gotta shake it like crazy * * Can't sit down

* 'Cause the man is saying something * * Can't sit down

* Everybody is jumping * Can't sit down

Come on, we gotta split.

Split where?

What, are you dusting? What do you mean, where?

Tahoe. Does this sound familiar to you?

I can't leave without seeing Michelle first.

Hello, Chuckles. Listen to me.

She's in the middle of a beauty contest. You wait till it's over,

and you'll never make it to Tahoe on time.

If I'm late, I'm late. What's the worst thing that could happen?

Krevske saw them moving.

All right. Get down there and find them.

Get on down there.

* You hit me with the backbeat *

* Can't sit down

* And you see the guy grooving *

* Can't sit down

* Everybody is moving

* Can't sit down

* You gotta make it, break it, shake it *

* Oh, you gotta dance * Can't sit down

* You can't sit down

* You gotta move, move, move, round and round *

* You can't sit down, you can't sit down *

* You gotta rock, rock, rock * Can't sit down

* They're coming to town

* The crazy sound * You know you can't sit down *

* you can't sit down

* Yippee yeah

* Pretty baby * Can't sit down

* Don't you really dance on by now * * Can't sit down

* You gotta shake it like crazy * * Can't sit down

* Don't you ever pay no mind now * * Can't sit down

* We're gonna do it one more time now * * You can't sit down

* You gotta stop, flip, hear my lips * * Can't sit down

* You can't sit down

* You gotta move, move, move around and round * * Can't sit down

* You can't sit down

* You gotta fly, fly, fly from off the ground *

* They're putting it down the crazy sound *

* You can't sit down

* You can't sit down

* Ooh

* You can't sit down

You're crazy. Get out of here.

Get out of here, you guff. Come on. Go.

[chanting]

All right, folks.

Now, before I announce the winner

of the 1998 Miss Mission Beach Beauty Pageant,

Let's take a look at what the lucky lady will be driving away.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a brand-new Por--

It's a Ferrari, ladies, it's a Ferrari.

Oh, my word.

How do you like that?

My God, that's my car!

The moment you've all been waiting for, ladies and gentlemen.

This wonderful thing here-- this will tell us who won.

That's my car!

Oh, the aneurysm.

Our winner,

Miss Shawn Brooks. There she is.

[cheering]

There she is. Miss Mission Beach.

All right, you worms!

You've made a big error in judgment.

Get down. Get down.

I'm telling you--

Greg Krevske, you're under arrest.

Big, big, big-- Big trick, Krevske.

What the hell-- You're under arrest.

You have the right to remain silent. What the hell for?

Are you out of your mind? We have a warrant for your arrest for auto theft.

For what? For auto theft. You're under arrest.

[screams]

Well, I gotta get going.

Hector, I'll see you around.

Yeah. Take care of yourself. You, too.

I don't suppose anybody needs a ride.

I could use a ride, I guess. Really?

Yeah. Bye.

Surf's up.

And it's beautiful, man.

So where you going?

Oh, I don't know.

Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter?

Well, wherever I go,

I'm followed by doom and despair.

Really? Me, too.

They follow me everywhere.

Yeah? Yeah.

Doom and despair? Yeah, doom and despair.

Sucks, doesn't it?

Ah, it's all right.

Well, I mean,

as soon as you think you got rid of them,

bam-- some stupid blonde bimbo wins the beauty contest.

Happens to me all the time.

You know she got the Porsche, too? Mmm.

Legit. I'm dyeing my hair blonde.

I tried it. Doesn't work.

Have a toothpick?

Yeah. Thanks. All right.

Well, he's a happy surfer now.

Yep. That man was born a happy surfer.

So what's your state of mind concerning Lake Tahoe?

Tubular.

What?

I'm looking forward to it.

Okay, Walter. Let's go.

For what?

Well, I'm gonna drop you off in Los Angeles.

Uh, no. He's gonna stick around here for a while.

I'm teaching him the fine art of having fun.

Uh, well, I think he's already pretty good at that.

Wait a second, Chuckles. Let her teach me.

I want to see if there's anything I'm missing.

You know what I'm talking about?

Just gonna fine-tune him a little bit.

Try to stay out of the headlines, then. Why do you always

hamper me down? Slap me, homeboy.

It's Homie boy.

Blake, I owe you an adventure.

Oh, come here.

[screaming]

[screaming continues]

Gnarly, man!

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

* Everybody's got something to say *

* About the situation

* If you listen

* Whenever he talks

* Stimulation

* Friendly advice can help you *

* But in the end

* You gotta follow your own voice *

* Think, think, think for yourself *

* You gotta think, think, think *

* Think for yourself

* Your friends know you're having it rough *

* But their two cents ain't good enough *

* You gotta think think think

* For yourself

* Sometimes you talk

* To tell just where you're going *

* Life is up or down

* But it always keeps on flowing *

* You may be wrong or right

* But in the end

* You gotta follow your own light *

* Think think think think

* For yourself

* You gotta think, think, think *

* For yourself

* Sunshine

* Come on into my window

* Stay with me all night

* To see you face

* Show a sign

* It's gonna be all right

* All the danger signs

* Have taken flight

* Get me on my way

* I need more good loving

* I need the sunshine

* In my life

* Let me find the way

* To your good loving

* Soon as you are mine

* We will be dangerous tonight *

* It's gonna be all right now

* Gonna be all right now

* Gonna be all right now

* To be dangerous tonight

* Photos

* Just on my wall

* There ain't nothing

* Gonna warm me like your smile *

* Well, sunshine

* Lighting up my night

* Sitting dangerous

* Until our waking hour

* Let me find a way

* To your good loving

* Soon as you are mine

* We'll be dangerous tonight

* Gonna be all right now

* Gonna be all right now