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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,136 --> 00:00:06,482 You guys pee in the pool? 2 00:00:06,483 --> 00:00:08,517 Clap your hands if you pee in the pool. Don't be afraid. 3 00:00:08,518 --> 00:00:09,876 You're not ready. 4 00:00:09,878 --> 00:00:11,410 I can't believe Estee didn't pass you. 5 00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:12,714 That was like a solid set. 6 00:00:12,715 --> 00:00:15,923 I'm doing a gig that I think you'd be perfect for. 7 00:00:16,422 --> 00:00:17,422 Yes. 8 00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:20,213 What's going on over there? 9 00:00:20,214 --> 00:00:22,213 - Somebody I met today. - Nice. 10 00:00:22,214 --> 00:00:25,046 - We had sex in a dressing room. - What? 11 00:00:25,047 --> 00:00:26,588 And then again in a bathroom. 12 00:00:26,589 --> 00:00:29,128 - Two times? - In one day. A double schtup. 13 00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,463 I see a lot of empty seats. 14 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,963 Are... Are you all saving a seat for Elijah? Or is that... 15 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,109 I spoke to the rabbi. 16 00:00:36,110 --> 00:00:38,338 He said he would love to sit down with you. 17 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,923 - Absolutely. - So, where is Pete? 18 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:56,518 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 19 00:00:57,089 --> 00:01:00,422 No. It feels weird. 20 00:01:00,423 --> 00:01:02,088 - What, the hat? - Yeah. 21 00:01:02,089 --> 00:01:05,171 No, you're just one of those people. You look good in hats. 22 00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:07,297 - Trust me. Yeah. - Really? 23 00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:13,088 Yeah. 24 00:01:13,089 --> 00:01:15,631 You look good. You look sexy. 25 00:01:17,756 --> 00:01:18,964 Okay. 26 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,130 Hello. 27 00:01:31,131 --> 00:01:32,506 Thank you. 28 00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,381 Sorry. 29 00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:00,422 So I have a question. 30 00:02:00,423 --> 00:02:02,755 Where is all this headed? 31 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,483 You mean us? 32 00:02:05,131 --> 00:02:06,630 No, I feel pretty good about that. 33 00:02:06,631 --> 00:02:09,963 I mean your career. 34 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,171 Um... 35 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,411 I want to get really good at stand-up. 36 00:02:13,412 --> 00:02:15,257 Okay, but... 37 00:02:15,798 --> 00:02:17,088 But what? 38 00:02:17,089 --> 00:02:19,473 No, that's... that's the end. 39 00:02:22,714 --> 00:02:24,714 Yeah, but you want to be adored. 40 00:02:25,881 --> 00:02:28,380 - No, no, that's... - You want everyone in this restaurant 41 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,880 to know how special you are. 42 00:02:29,881 --> 00:02:32,005 You want to be unable to walk down the street 43 00:02:32,006 --> 00:02:34,171 without everybody seeing you and recognizing you 44 00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:36,047 and knowing how funny you are. 45 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,672 No, I'm not David Hasselhoff. I'm... I'm a comedian. 46 00:02:40,673 --> 00:02:42,088 No. Come on. Okay. 47 00:02:42,089 --> 00:02:45,088 Admit that it is driving you fucking crazy right now 48 00:02:45,089 --> 00:02:48,338 that no one in here knows that you are the next Kevin Hart. 49 00:02:48,339 --> 00:02:51,213 I'm not... I'm not the next Kevin Hart. 50 00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,588 Kevin Hart is Kevin Hart. 51 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,627 We have a Kevin Hart. 52 00:02:53,628 --> 00:02:55,880 He's perfect for the part. 53 00:02:55,881 --> 00:02:58,338 I'm just a... I'm a club guy. 54 00:02:58,339 --> 00:03:00,463 I grind it out. I do spots. 55 00:03:00,464 --> 00:03:02,296 I get better. That's my... 56 00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,145 You know, Madison Square Garden and the movies, that's... 57 00:03:04,146 --> 00:03:07,630 - Okay. - I'm not... that's a different thing. 58 00:03:07,631 --> 00:03:11,630 The greatest honor in my life would be to be in the scene. 59 00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:13,255 - I just... - Wanting to be famous 60 00:03:13,256 --> 00:03:16,089 is not a bad thing, and it's not embarrassing. 61 00:03:19,756 --> 00:03:21,797 I do... I have a TV idea. 62 00:03:24,894 --> 00:03:25,931 Tell me. 63 00:03:25,932 --> 00:03:27,588 - It's about a guy... - Mm-hmm. 64 00:03:27,589 --> 00:03:30,046 ...who has kids, but the public schools stink. 65 00:03:30,047 --> 00:03:33,088 So he pulls them out, and he starts teaching them in his garage, 66 00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:36,005 but he's really good at it, right? So word gets out, 67 00:03:36,006 --> 00:03:37,338 and other neighborhood kids 68 00:03:37,339 --> 00:03:39,171 start coming to his school in his garage. 69 00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:42,171 And that's like... That's the pilot, I guess. 70 00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:44,588 I've written, like, an outline. 71 00:03:44,589 --> 00:03:46,630 "Holmes Schooled." 72 00:03:46,631 --> 00:03:48,588 - Yeah, Homeschooled. - No, no, no, Pete... 73 00:03:48,589 --> 00:03:50,922 "Holmes Schooled." 74 00:03:50,923 --> 00:03:52,588 - No, no I... - Like your last name. 75 00:03:52,589 --> 00:03:54,463 But it's not for me. It's just Homeschooled. It's for like a name. 76 00:03:54,464 --> 00:03:57,463 Why isn't it for you? This is the perfect vehicle for you. 77 00:03:57,464 --> 00:03:58,797 I don't see it for me. 78 00:03:58,798 --> 00:04:00,963 It's like something I would write, but, you know... 79 00:04:00,964 --> 00:04:03,547 Ike Barinholtz or maybe Mark-Paul Gosselaar. 80 00:04:03,548 --> 00:04:06,839 I can see your face on the side of a bus. 81 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,171 You're wearing a cardigan and you're standing 82 00:04:09,172 --> 00:04:11,630 with your arms crossed in front of a chalkboard, 83 00:04:11,631 --> 00:04:14,422 and it says on the chalkboard, "Tuesdays at 9." 84 00:04:14,423 --> 00:04:15,836 Against Big Bang Theory? 85 00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:17,255 - Yeah. - We're gonna get smoked! 86 00:04:19,131 --> 00:04:20,963 Sure you don't want to come dance with me? 87 00:04:20,964 --> 00:04:22,381 I do want to. 88 00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:25,464 This is it. This is where I leave you. 89 00:04:26,923 --> 00:04:29,005 - I'll see you in three hours. - Okay. 90 00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:31,130 - Three hours? - Yeah. 91 00:04:31,131 --> 00:04:33,714 That's the entire movie the Titanic. 92 00:04:33,715 --> 00:04:35,631 I know. 93 00:04:36,252 --> 00:04:38,001 - You'll survive. - I'll be fine. 94 00:04:38,002 --> 00:04:41,170 - Okay bye. - Bye. 95 00:04:41,171 --> 00:04:43,922 Bye. Bye. 96 00:05:04,101 --> 00:05:05,142 Kitty? 97 00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:10,463 - Hey. - Peter! 98 00:05:10,464 --> 00:05:11,922 - What's up? - Hello! 99 00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:13,213 - What's goin' on? - Hi. 100 00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:16,338 Oh, nothing. I just, I've been texting you a bunch 101 00:05:16,339 --> 00:05:19,797 and I haven't heard back, so I figured I'd just come over. 102 00:05:19,798 --> 00:05:21,380 Yeah, well, welcome. 103 00:05:21,381 --> 00:05:24,005 Thank you. You've done a great job, Peter! 104 00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:27,380 Look at these elements, exposed 105 00:05:27,381 --> 00:05:30,130 just stone into woven carpet, 106 00:05:30,131 --> 00:05:33,505 and cardboard and wood. Great. 107 00:05:33,506 --> 00:05:35,296 - I'm actually... - Oh, okay. 108 00:05:35,297 --> 00:05:36,690 - I have to... - Sure. 109 00:05:36,691 --> 00:05:38,545 This is unexpected, so I don't have a lot of time. 110 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,171 Oh, I understand. Yeah. 111 00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:44,088 Ah, it's just so nice to sit for a moment. 112 00:05:44,089 --> 00:05:46,213 I brought you a little housewarming gift. 113 00:05:46,214 --> 00:05:50,880 Please, I don't want any VHS's of PBS specials you've taped. 114 00:05:50,881 --> 00:05:52,963 Not this time. 115 00:05:52,964 --> 00:05:54,922 - Ah! - Yeah. 116 00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:58,547 Mmm, thank you. 117 00:05:58,548 --> 00:05:59,593 Maca root. 118 00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:01,714 - Oh, maca root. Great. - Yeah. 119 00:06:01,715 --> 00:06:03,130 Incans used to take it 120 00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:05,296 right before they went into heavy battle. 121 00:06:05,297 --> 00:06:07,798 We use it for a little help with old... 122 00:06:09,131 --> 00:06:10,943 - My dick. - Yeah, your dick. 123 00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:13,588 - Thank you. - What are you doing tonight? 124 00:06:13,589 --> 00:06:15,714 - Why? - My old roommate is a sous chef 125 00:06:15,715 --> 00:06:17,360 and he's opening a new restaurant. 126 00:06:17,361 --> 00:06:19,338 Tonight's the soft opening. He gave me two tickets. 127 00:06:19,339 --> 00:06:22,213 It's gonna be you and me and a bunch of celebrities. 128 00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:23,714 - Really? - That's what they said. 129 00:06:23,715 --> 00:06:26,704 Kristen Chenowith is a person. Is that one? 130 00:06:26,705 --> 00:06:28,130 Yeah, that's a celebrity. 131 00:06:28,131 --> 00:06:31,088 Lauren Michaels is gonna come, and she's... 132 00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:32,922 It's Lorne Michaels. 133 00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:34,596 She's a beautiful celebrity. 134 00:06:34,597 --> 00:06:36,015 - Nope. - Yeah! 135 00:06:36,016 --> 00:06:38,805 It sounds amazing. I just... I have plans tonight. 136 00:06:38,806 --> 00:06:41,595 What do you have, a show? This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. 137 00:06:41,596 --> 00:06:45,171 No, I get that. I just... I've been on the road a lot, 138 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,902 and I'm sort of spending the night with my girl, so... 139 00:06:47,903 --> 00:06:49,963 You guys see each other a lot, though, right? 140 00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:53,213 This is kind of a just-tonight thing. 141 00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:55,463 I would love hanging out, but I haven't seen her... 142 00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:57,963 I haven't seen her in like a week, so... 143 00:06:57,964 --> 00:07:00,088 I just want to reconnect, you know... 144 00:07:00,089 --> 00:07:01,588 But didn't I just... 145 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:05,506 Did I see you on Instagram on the High Line this morning? 146 00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:09,505 Yes, that's us on the... That's her. That's Kat. 147 00:07:09,506 --> 00:07:11,397 - But that wasn't today. - Oh. 148 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,935 That was a later-gram. Yeah. 149 00:07:15,255 --> 00:07:17,463 Seems like you found someone that's helped you unlock 150 00:07:17,464 --> 00:07:20,797 that piece of yourself that lets you be love, 151 00:07:20,798 --> 00:07:25,963 and the two of you are in love together at the same time. 152 00:07:25,964 --> 00:07:27,297 It's great. 153 00:07:28,339 --> 00:07:29,797 - Thanks, man. - Yeah. 154 00:07:29,798 --> 00:07:32,255 We'll do another dinner another time. 155 00:07:32,256 --> 00:07:33,797 I just... When I'm not so busy. 156 00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:36,296 Yeah, okay. 157 00:07:38,964 --> 00:07:40,630 All right. See you Thursday. 158 00:07:40,631 --> 00:07:42,005 - Bye! - Bye. 159 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,797 Hi. 160 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,963 - I'm stinky. - I don't care. 161 00:07:46,964 --> 00:07:48,214 Oh, no. 162 00:07:55,237 --> 00:07:57,280 You're smelly. 163 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,886 Can I... Can I tell you something? 164 00:08:03,887 --> 00:08:06,387 - Sure. - It's weird. 165 00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:08,422 - But it's not bad. - Okay. 166 00:08:08,423 --> 00:08:11,296 - Um, so you know I grew up religious... - Mm-hmm. 167 00:08:11,297 --> 00:08:14,594 ...and I was never a big, um, porn guy. 168 00:08:15,923 --> 00:08:18,222 Evidenced by the fact that I call them porn guys. 169 00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:19,463 Yeah, I can't believe it. 170 00:08:19,464 --> 00:08:21,950 No, I... But, you know, the Internet 171 00:08:21,951 --> 00:08:24,422 came around and everybody was doing it. 172 00:08:24,423 --> 00:08:26,547 So I started looking at this one girl... 173 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,130 - This one woman. - Mm-hmm. 174 00:08:28,131 --> 00:08:32,213 And, I don't know, I got really obsessed with this woman, 175 00:08:32,214 --> 00:08:38,088 and I looked at her consistently for years, but only her. 176 00:08:38,089 --> 00:08:39,755 Wait, so what are you saying? 177 00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:41,755 You were monogamous with your porn star? 178 00:08:41,756 --> 00:08:43,380 Yes, exactly. 179 00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:45,797 But she's not a porn star, she's an adult model. 180 00:08:45,798 --> 00:08:47,880 She just... It's just her. She poses nude. 181 00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:52,089 But you look so much like her... 182 00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:55,296 that the first time I saw you, 183 00:08:55,297 --> 00:08:59,422 I actually wasn't sure you weren't her. 184 00:09:00,214 --> 00:09:02,589 I mean, it's like... 185 00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,130 Um... 186 00:09:05,131 --> 00:09:07,005 That's a weird thing to tell somebody, 187 00:09:07,006 --> 00:09:10,255 and I should've kept it to myself and I'm sorry. 188 00:09:10,256 --> 00:09:12,922 And you're... Hold on, you're so much more than a... 189 00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:14,839 You're my fantasy, is what I'm saying. 190 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,851 You're not like a porn star woman. 191 00:09:18,852 --> 00:09:20,588 I don't even look at it anymore. 192 00:09:20,589 --> 00:09:21,923 I need to show you something. 193 00:09:22,964 --> 00:09:24,463 - Kitty? - Wait. 194 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,820 I'm a fucking weirdo. 195 00:09:25,821 --> 00:09:28,697 My thing is... What? 196 00:09:29,381 --> 00:09:31,463 What's that? Are you breaking a cold case? 197 00:09:33,589 --> 00:09:35,088 What is... What are you doing? 198 00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:38,588 It's my vision board! 199 00:09:38,589 --> 00:09:40,110 It's my vision board. 200 00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:42,261 You do... You do vision boards? 201 00:09:42,262 --> 00:09:43,588 Yeah. 202 00:09:43,589 --> 00:09:45,130 - Like for real? - Yeah! 203 00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:47,130 This is what I want my life to look like. 204 00:09:47,131 --> 00:09:49,422 Like I want to go to Italy 205 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,130 or, like, learn how to scuba dive. 206 00:09:52,131 --> 00:09:53,798 But... 207 00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,422 - I'm Prince William? - Yes! 208 00:09:56,423 --> 00:10:00,046 You are the tall, blond, sexy, 209 00:10:00,047 --> 00:10:01,782 - kind of goofy... - Kitty... 210 00:10:01,783 --> 00:10:04,403 This is what you were doing with your porn girl. 211 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,541 Really? 212 00:10:05,542 --> 00:10:07,547 He looks like a candle that smells like nothing. 213 00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:11,463 Okay, I don't literally want to be with Prince William, 214 00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:14,130 but it's like your porn girl. 215 00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:15,797 You spent all of these years 216 00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:19,171 pointing your desire and your intention towards this woman, 217 00:10:19,172 --> 00:10:23,672 who looks like me, and then we just happen to meet? 218 00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:26,714 No, we manifested each other. 219 00:10:26,715 --> 00:10:28,755 You think I made you... I mean... 220 00:10:28,756 --> 00:10:31,296 You can't have all of that desire 221 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,839 and not have it manifest in the world. 222 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,005 It's the law of attraction. 223 00:10:36,006 --> 00:10:38,047 Do you want to make one? 224 00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:40,046 I have some more New Yorkers. 225 00:10:40,047 --> 00:10:43,005 - Oh, New Yorker. - Yeah. 226 00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:44,714 I read Playboy for the articles, 227 00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:46,588 but I read New Yorker for the pornography. 228 00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:50,088 I've been looking for a photo of Mr. Rogers 229 00:10:50,089 --> 00:10:52,505 or Big Bird, if you have either. 230 00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:53,839 Ooh! 231 00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:56,547 Debra! 232 00:10:56,548 --> 00:10:58,171 Yeah? You're into Ray Romano? 233 00:10:58,172 --> 00:11:00,672 I love Ray. Everybody... everybody... 234 00:11:00,673 --> 00:11:02,505 Can I have some paste? I'd like to sniff it. 235 00:11:02,506 --> 00:11:05,005 - I have a surprise for us. - Okay. 236 00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:06,673 Put your pants on. 237 00:11:07,923 --> 00:11:10,380 Where am I going that I need pants? 238 00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,422 Hello, uh... 239 00:11:36,423 --> 00:11:37,922 Can we go? 240 00:11:37,923 --> 00:11:40,046 I don't like these kinds of places. This is... 241 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:42,255 What do you mean "these kinds of places"? 242 00:11:42,256 --> 00:11:46,005 This isn't like a scuzzy roadside jerk-hut. 243 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,630 - No? - This is The Pleasure Chest. 244 00:11:47,631 --> 00:11:50,213 It's a very classy place, it's very clean. 245 00:11:50,214 --> 00:11:52,088 - The Pleasure Chest. - Yeah. 246 00:11:52,089 --> 00:11:56,422 Argh! It's still very hard for me to be here. 247 00:11:57,255 --> 00:11:59,463 Do you two need any help with anything? 248 00:11:59,464 --> 00:12:01,255 - I think we're... Yes. - Yeah! 249 00:12:01,256 --> 00:12:04,672 So we are looking for something that we can both have fun with, 250 00:12:04,673 --> 00:12:07,130 but he's sort of new to all of this. 251 00:12:07,131 --> 00:12:08,588 Okay. 252 00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:11,463 Well, I always tell couples to start with a Bullet. 253 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,130 This is made of medical-grade non-porous plastic. 254 00:12:14,131 --> 00:12:15,839 - Oh, medical-grade. - It's great for external play. 255 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,714 - You can do a lot with this little guy. - Wow. 256 00:12:18,715 --> 00:12:20,130 Oh, it's on. 257 00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:22,255 It's like a cocktail wiener... 258 00:12:22,256 --> 00:12:23,880 for your... for your wiener. 259 00:12:23,881 --> 00:12:25,547 Hello? 260 00:12:25,548 --> 00:12:27,463 Sorry, I can't cock right now. 261 00:12:27,464 --> 00:12:29,046 Yeah, I'm going through a tunnel. 262 00:12:29,047 --> 00:12:31,714 - And then you... Woo! - Oh. 263 00:12:33,506 --> 00:12:35,588 It's fun. Thank you. 264 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:36,672 Um... 265 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,255 What about this? It looks like a seahorse. 266 00:12:39,256 --> 00:12:42,963 Well, that's usually for anal. 267 00:12:42,964 --> 00:12:45,255 Have you, uh, tried anal? 268 00:12:45,256 --> 00:12:46,339 - No. - Yes. 269 00:12:47,192 --> 00:12:49,380 Well, let me know if you need any help. 270 00:12:49,381 --> 00:12:51,627 - Thank you so much. - Thank you. 271 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,171 What the fuck are you doing? 272 00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:57,296 I'm... I'm sorry. I'm trying to lighten the mood. 273 00:12:57,297 --> 00:12:59,463 - It's, you know... - It feels like you're shaming me. 274 00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:01,463 It feels like you are trying to shame me 275 00:13:01,464 --> 00:13:02,862 for being into what I'm into. 276 00:13:02,863 --> 00:13:06,755 No, no. Absolutely not. This is sexy. 277 00:13:06,756 --> 00:13:08,159 This is fun. 278 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,088 - I'm all for trying new things. - Yeah. 279 00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,296 I'm happy to be doing this with you. 280 00:13:12,297 --> 00:13:13,797 - I want to do this with you. - Good. 281 00:13:13,798 --> 00:13:15,342 'Cause I'm gonna put stuff in you, too. 282 00:13:15,343 --> 00:13:17,606 - Great. - I'm getting this little guy. 283 00:13:17,607 --> 00:13:20,821 Hey, Easter comes but once a year. 284 00:13:20,822 --> 00:13:22,547 And so do you. 285 00:13:30,631 --> 00:13:32,172 What? 286 00:13:33,255 --> 00:13:35,381 Feels naughty. 287 00:13:35,879 --> 00:13:37,586 We should do something... 288 00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:40,796 We should so something wholesome to balance the evening out. 289 00:13:42,172 --> 00:13:44,714 We could go read to the elderly. 290 00:13:46,089 --> 00:13:48,839 We could blow bubbles at rescue dogs. 291 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,589 Pick one out. 292 00:13:52,214 --> 00:13:53,422 Um, hold on. 293 00:13:53,423 --> 00:13:55,213 We can get the train this way. But, um... 294 00:13:55,214 --> 00:13:57,505 No, there's something that I want to do. 295 00:13:57,506 --> 00:14:00,005 Yeah, but this... this is sort of like where I work, though. 296 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,567 This is like my office. 297 00:14:01,568 --> 00:14:03,338 We can just hook around. 298 00:14:03,339 --> 00:14:04,839 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just come with me. 299 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,150 I have something fun planned. You're really gonna like it. 300 00:14:07,151 --> 00:14:09,923 - Can we do it at home? - No, we cannot. 301 00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:15,855 Kitty. 302 00:14:16,798 --> 00:14:18,130 Can we please not do this? 303 00:14:18,131 --> 00:14:21,255 Seriously, this is like the last place I want to be. 304 00:14:21,256 --> 00:14:22,880 - Please. - Face your fears. 305 00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:24,171 What are you... What are you doing? 306 00:14:24,172 --> 00:14:26,213 This is the club you said you wanted to play. 307 00:14:26,214 --> 00:14:27,381 Here we are. 308 00:14:27,756 --> 00:14:30,338 Okay, this is also the club I told you I auditioned at, 309 00:14:30,339 --> 00:14:32,380 and it didn't go well. I... I told you this. 310 00:14:32,381 --> 00:14:35,505 Yeah, so that's why we're here. 311 00:14:35,506 --> 00:14:39,046 No, the plan is I want the booker to forget who I am. 312 00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:41,755 I'm not gonna show up as some loser guy. 313 00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:44,005 So, what, you're just never gonna come back here? 314 00:14:44,006 --> 00:14:46,296 No, they key is for her to forget my face. 315 00:14:46,297 --> 00:14:47,797 - No, Pete! - Then I come back. 316 00:14:47,798 --> 00:14:50,380 - She has to see you all the time. - No, she doesn't. 317 00:14:50,381 --> 00:14:51,729 - I'm not coming in here. - So that she's like, 318 00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:53,255 "Oh wait. This guy's got balls. 319 00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:55,463 There's something that I missed the first time, 320 00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:57,422 and he's fighting for what he believes in." 321 00:14:57,423 --> 00:14:58,960 And people respect that. 322 00:14:58,961 --> 00:15:01,005 No, I think people think it's weird 323 00:15:01,006 --> 00:15:03,255 when you're rejected from something and you keep showing up. 324 00:15:03,256 --> 00:15:05,256 No, Pete, you need to be here all the time. 325 00:15:05,257 --> 00:15:06,505 You can't hide. 326 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,005 - They need to get tired of seeing you. - Listen. No. 327 00:15:09,006 --> 00:15:10,923 - Just trust me, okay? - Kitty, please. 328 00:15:11,673 --> 00:15:12,923 Please. 329 00:15:13,464 --> 00:15:15,088 This is business, okay? 330 00:15:15,089 --> 00:15:16,755 It's the art of war. 331 00:15:16,756 --> 00:15:18,088 And also, you're not walking in alone. 332 00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:20,339 You're not a loser. You're with me, okay? 333 00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:24,171 Hi, excuse us. We have tickets. 334 00:15:28,878 --> 00:15:30,754 Shit, Pete Holmes. 335 00:15:31,595 --> 00:15:32,963 He's a comic. 336 00:15:32,964 --> 00:15:34,839 I know who the fuck Pete Holmes is. 337 00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:37,381 Pete, you sitting in the audience tonight? 338 00:15:40,623 --> 00:15:42,463 - Yes. Yes. - Yeah? 339 00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:45,422 Don't worry about it, man. I got the perfect seats for you. 340 00:15:45,423 --> 00:15:47,963 - That is so nice. Thank you. - You're welcome. 341 00:15:47,964 --> 00:15:50,297 - Should we go? Thank you. - Yeah. Good. 342 00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:53,767 Dude... 343 00:15:54,548 --> 00:15:56,130 I'd lose the hat if I was you. 344 00:15:57,172 --> 00:15:58,797 It's cool here. It's smaller 345 00:15:58,798 --> 00:16:00,380 than I thought it was going to be. 346 00:16:00,381 --> 00:16:02,338 - Very intimate. Very. - Yeah. 347 00:16:02,339 --> 00:16:05,547 - It's nice. - This is too close. 348 00:16:06,214 --> 00:16:07,630 - This is too close. - No! 349 00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:11,207 You are right where you're supposed to be right now. 350 00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:13,463 Ooh. 351 00:16:13,464 --> 00:16:16,047 - We didn't order these. - These are from him. 352 00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:22,460 Thank you! Cheers! 353 00:16:22,461 --> 00:16:24,628 That is so nice of him. 354 00:16:24,629 --> 00:16:26,131 Cheers. 355 00:16:27,381 --> 00:16:28,839 They're fucking with me. You realize that? 356 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,672 No, they're sending it over because they know you, 357 00:16:30,673 --> 00:16:32,130 because you're a friend. 358 00:16:32,131 --> 00:16:34,213 - They're... that's not... - You're a friend. Drink this. 359 00:16:34,214 --> 00:16:36,046 These people are animals. 360 00:16:36,047 --> 00:16:38,046 - I'm drinking this. - Kitty... 361 00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:41,714 The greatest thing about smoking marijuana... 362 00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,171 ...is smoking marijuana... 363 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,833 and then not smoking marijuana for about a month, 364 00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:53,422 and then smoking marijuana. 365 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,464 Mm-hmm! 366 00:16:57,922 --> 00:16:59,088 So good. 367 00:17:00,297 --> 00:17:02,130 Ladies and people, our next guest 368 00:17:02,131 --> 00:17:03,839 is a talented man. Very funny. 369 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,380 Put your hands together and welcome Mr. Dave Attell. 370 00:17:15,756 --> 00:17:18,213 Keep it going for William Stephenson, everybody. 371 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,588 Thanks. 372 00:17:20,589 --> 00:17:25,145 William, two words of advice: sit-ups. Now... 373 00:17:25,146 --> 00:17:26,772 Hey, guys! 374 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,797 This is a rough and ready crowd. That's the way I like it. 375 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,588 Let's take a look at everyone. 376 00:17:31,589 --> 00:17:33,588 It's nice to see my condo board showed up. 377 00:17:33,589 --> 00:17:36,338 How are you guys? Sorry about the weird smell. 378 00:17:36,339 --> 00:17:39,380 And, of course, the cast of Hamilton. Give them a hand. 379 00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:44,088 And, uh... Oh shit. 380 00:17:44,089 --> 00:17:47,748 Is that...? Yeah, it is. Hey, Pete. Yeah. 381 00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:50,503 You guys don't know this. This is a comic, Pete Holmes. 382 00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:53,276 Yeah, sittin' right up front. 383 00:17:53,277 --> 00:17:54,963 Dude... 384 00:17:54,964 --> 00:17:57,797 What the fuck, man? 385 00:17:57,798 --> 00:17:59,380 Did you guys buy tickets? 386 00:17:59,381 --> 00:18:02,046 What's, uh... Yes. 387 00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,505 She, uh, she wanted to come. 388 00:18:07,506 --> 00:18:10,976 And you're the girlfriend? 389 00:18:10,977 --> 00:18:12,963 It's our three-week-aversary. 390 00:18:16,422 --> 00:18:18,338 - Are you guys s-e-x-ing? - Yeah. 391 00:18:18,339 --> 00:18:20,963 Yeah? I would love to see you two scissoring all night. 392 00:18:20,964 --> 00:18:23,881 It must be crazy. Yeah. 393 00:18:24,881 --> 00:18:27,630 Miss, can I smell your finger? I mean, really... 394 00:18:27,631 --> 00:18:29,130 this is just what it's about. 395 00:18:29,131 --> 00:18:32,297 It's the magic of that fedora hat, I mean, honestly... 396 00:18:33,339 --> 00:18:36,130 You kind of look like Timberlake without the power 397 00:18:36,131 --> 00:18:38,005 or money or talent. 398 00:18:38,964 --> 00:18:40,797 And, uh, did you buy him that hat? 399 00:18:40,798 --> 00:18:41,797 You bet I did! 400 00:18:41,798 --> 00:18:44,672 Yeah! Nice! 401 00:18:44,673 --> 00:18:47,130 You go out with a girl, then she starts dressing you 402 00:18:47,131 --> 00:18:48,963 to look like a guy she couldn't go out with. 403 00:18:48,964 --> 00:18:51,046 So evidently, 404 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:55,171 she has a 1930s reporter fetish or something. 405 00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:57,963 Yeah, I really wanna bang a guy that works at The Daily Planet. 406 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:02,088 I thought I was in the audience. 407 00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:04,213 He looks like any minute, 408 00:19:04,214 --> 00:19:07,005 he might do some close-up magic for all of us. 409 00:19:07,006 --> 00:19:08,547 Pete... 410 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:12,672 Pete, you better ice your balls. This girl is awesome. 411 00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:15,296 Scoot over, Dan. Hey, you guys are never gonna believe it. 412 00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:18,296 Guess who's downstairs. Pete Holmes is downstairs. 413 00:19:18,297 --> 00:19:19,839 Whoa, whoa. Pete Holmes is in the audience? 414 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,380 In the audience? He's sittin' up front 415 00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:22,630 with this super-hot chick. 416 00:19:22,631 --> 00:19:24,588 I tell you, it's always weird doing comedy 417 00:19:24,589 --> 00:19:26,005 in front of other comedians. 418 00:19:26,006 --> 00:19:28,381 So, obviously, there's no big deal here, because... 419 00:19:29,923 --> 00:19:32,088 - Who's this? Is that your girl? - Yes. 420 00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:34,880 Are things that bad in Russia, man, that you had to... 421 00:19:34,881 --> 00:19:36,630 ...that you had to...? 422 00:19:36,631 --> 00:19:38,296 So when you... When you say fedora, 423 00:19:38,297 --> 00:19:39,714 are we thinking Guys and Dolls? 424 00:19:39,715 --> 00:19:41,130 Like ska band? Reel Big Fish? 425 00:19:41,131 --> 00:19:43,964 Pete, I gotta say, your beard looks better than mine. 426 00:19:46,756 --> 00:19:48,714 What is this? Oh, my God! 427 00:19:48,715 --> 00:19:50,630 Seriously? 428 00:19:50,631 --> 00:19:52,338 I don't know... 429 00:19:52,339 --> 00:19:54,213 Let's see. 430 00:19:56,589 --> 00:19:58,631 Who wants to see what's in the bag? 431 00:19:59,839 --> 00:20:01,255 This is the only place in America 432 00:20:01,256 --> 00:20:03,297 where democracy still works. All right... 433 00:20:04,964 --> 00:20:07,088 Uh, ooh, there's a feather! What is this, tickling? 434 00:20:07,089 --> 00:20:08,880 Is this tickling buttholes? Tickling buttholes? 435 00:20:08,881 --> 00:20:12,547 I actually think it's gonna look good in the jazz man's hat. 436 00:20:14,006 --> 00:20:17,046 Oh, we have found lube. Look, look. 437 00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:19,422 It's a lot of lube, a lot. 438 00:20:19,423 --> 00:20:21,963 What do you have down there? Pubic hair or a tumbleweed? 439 00:20:21,964 --> 00:20:25,547 What's that... That's a lot of moisturizer. 440 00:20:25,548 --> 00:20:27,422 Pete, what were you thinking? 441 00:20:27,423 --> 00:20:29,464 It was an impulse buy. 442 00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:32,839 It's right by the register. 443 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,899 Did you taste this? I have to taste it. 444 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,464 - No... - Yeah, I need to. 445 00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:38,839 I have to taste this. 446 00:20:43,255 --> 00:20:44,756 It tastes like brisket. 447 00:20:46,547 --> 00:20:50,797 This is cherry lube... do you know how juvenile that is? 448 00:20:50,798 --> 00:20:54,046 Like, I used this when I was, like, 18, right? 449 00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:57,255 Yeah, it's really crazy, but I'm hungry, so... 450 00:21:08,673 --> 00:21:10,573 He never remembers anyone's name, ever. 451 00:21:10,574 --> 00:21:13,173 I know, and he's such a legend. He started with George Barlow. 452 00:21:16,381 --> 00:21:17,755 Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! 453 00:21:17,756 --> 00:21:19,672 Oh, there it is. Work it, girl! 454 00:21:19,673 --> 00:21:20,737 Pete, I gotta hand it to you. 455 00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,465 You finally figured out how to get into The Cellar. 456 00:21:22,466 --> 00:21:24,839 Pay the cover, buy the two drinks, and lose your dignity. 457 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,797 That's funny. 458 00:21:26,798 --> 00:21:29,547 - You were great. You really were. - Thank you so much. 459 00:21:29,548 --> 00:21:32,797 - You know who's really funny? - We're gonna go, gonna take off. 460 00:21:32,798 --> 00:21:35,630 - This guy! - Oh! One of the best! Are you kidding? 461 00:21:35,631 --> 00:21:38,130 Yes! He's... one of my idols. 462 00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:41,255 - He's funnier than all of you guys. - Babe... 463 00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:43,255 - Babe... - That is judgement I trust. 464 00:21:43,256 --> 00:21:44,630 Okay. 465 00:21:44,631 --> 00:21:46,505 I'm just glad you finally found a fan. 466 00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:48,130 - Okay, um... - We're gonna go. 467 00:21:48,131 --> 00:21:49,944 No, no, no. Wait, Pete. Fuck that. 468 00:21:49,945 --> 00:21:50,972 They need to hear this. 469 00:21:50,973 --> 00:21:52,275 Yeah, let's hear it! Let's hear it! 470 00:21:52,276 --> 00:21:53,880 He's really funny. 471 00:21:53,881 --> 00:21:55,758 Aw! He is! 472 00:21:55,759 --> 00:21:57,005 Seriously! No. 473 00:21:57,006 --> 00:21:59,213 Like, you just do goofy faces, 474 00:21:59,214 --> 00:22:01,296 and then you seem like you might be stoned, 475 00:22:01,297 --> 00:22:03,005 which is really unprofessional. 476 00:22:03,006 --> 00:22:05,182 And then, I don't know, you're just... 477 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,338 I don't... You're just not funny. 478 00:22:07,339 --> 00:22:09,130 - Oh! - Oh! 479 00:22:09,131 --> 00:22:11,588 All right, all right. Calm down, calm down. 480 00:22:11,589 --> 00:22:13,625 That was fun. 481 00:22:13,626 --> 00:22:16,672 - Crazy, but fun. - They're really funny, 482 00:22:16,673 --> 00:22:19,422 but there's a lot of sadness in that room. 483 00:22:19,423 --> 00:22:21,547 Well, that comes with it, I suppose. 484 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:23,672 - You're gonna eat, right? - Yeah. 485 00:22:23,673 --> 00:22:25,422 What? 486 00:22:30,255 --> 00:22:32,297 - That's Ray Romano. - I know. 487 00:22:34,089 --> 00:22:35,909 - I can't believe it! - I know! 488 00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:37,316 You have to go talk to him. 489 00:22:37,317 --> 00:22:38,672 - I mean... - Right now, let's go talk to him. 490 00:22:38,673 --> 00:22:40,630 I don't know if you can just go up 491 00:22:40,631 --> 00:22:42,380 and say "hi" to Ray Romano. 492 00:22:42,381 --> 00:22:44,564 He's a comic. You're peers. 493 00:22:44,565 --> 00:22:45,672 He's a legend. 494 00:22:45,673 --> 00:22:47,422 He's, like, my hero. 495 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,130 The other thing is, can we just order the two mains 496 00:22:50,131 --> 00:22:52,213 - right at five? - No, because then we'll eat 'em. 497 00:22:52,214 --> 00:22:55,380 - Well, we'll eat 'em anyway. - Yes, but we're gonna eat... 498 00:22:55,381 --> 00:22:57,338 Excuse me? 499 00:22:57,339 --> 00:22:58,588 So, I'm sorry. 500 00:22:58,589 --> 00:22:59,880 Sure. Hey, man. 501 00:22:59,881 --> 00:23:03,338 Ray... Mr. Romano, I'm a huge fan. 502 00:23:03,339 --> 00:23:05,005 I'm a comic. I'm a stand-up. I'm Pete. 503 00:23:05,006 --> 00:23:07,102 Oh, okay. Thanks. Appreciate it. 504 00:23:07,103 --> 00:23:09,505 But you're such a big deal to me. 505 00:23:09,506 --> 00:23:12,130 The kind of comedy you do, your story... 506 00:23:12,131 --> 00:23:14,422 It's an inspiration. I love everything you do. 507 00:23:14,423 --> 00:23:16,422 Appreciate it. Thank you. 508 00:23:16,423 --> 00:23:18,588 Thank you. This is Kat, I'm sorry. 509 00:23:18,589 --> 00:23:20,046 - How are you? - I think you're hilarious. 510 00:23:20,047 --> 00:23:21,422 - Hello. Hi, Tom. - I'm Tom. 511 00:23:21,423 --> 00:23:23,130 - Hi, nice to meet you. - Tom, nice to meet you. 512 00:23:23,131 --> 00:23:24,922 I'm sorry, I don't want to... 513 00:23:24,923 --> 00:23:26,990 You're on his vision board. 514 00:23:26,991 --> 00:23:28,380 Just have to tell you that. 515 00:23:28,381 --> 00:23:29,588 What does that mean? 516 00:23:29,589 --> 00:23:31,714 Oh, man, don't scare me. I scare easy. 517 00:23:31,715 --> 00:23:33,588 No, it sounds freaky, but it's like... 518 00:23:33,589 --> 00:23:35,338 You take pictures of things 519 00:23:35,339 --> 00:23:37,463 that represent, like, your goals and your dreams 520 00:23:37,464 --> 00:23:38,922 and things that you want to achieve. 521 00:23:38,923 --> 00:23:40,755 Then you put it on a poster and then you look at it. 522 00:23:40,756 --> 00:23:43,255 And he literally today just, like, cut out a picture of you 523 00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:44,547 and then put it on his board. 524 00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:46,046 Oh, wait a minute. So you think, what...? 525 00:23:46,047 --> 00:23:47,880 It's like you set an intention, and then you, like, 526 00:23:47,881 --> 00:23:49,963 you manifest the things that you want to come true. 527 00:23:49,964 --> 00:23:52,797 - Like The Secret. - It's The Secret. 528 00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:54,922 I don't want to burst your bubble, but... 529 00:23:54,923 --> 00:23:56,630 you don't think that's what got me here. 530 00:23:56,631 --> 00:23:57,672 'Cause I... I come here. 531 00:23:57,673 --> 00:23:59,005 - But I came here, too. - Yeah. 532 00:23:59,006 --> 00:24:01,797 So maybe it moved me to come here, and maybe... 533 00:24:01,798 --> 00:24:03,630 Maybe it also, maybe plant... 534 00:24:03,631 --> 00:24:05,046 You know, I don't know how it works. 535 00:24:05,047 --> 00:24:07,296 I... I want free will. Do I have free will still? 536 00:24:07,297 --> 00:24:10,088 I'm not saying I made you leave your house and come here... 537 00:24:10,089 --> 00:24:12,630 - I know. I get it. - ...but, you know, the stars align. 538 00:24:12,631 --> 00:24:14,971 Uh, we gotta go. We gotta go. I appreciate it. 539 00:24:14,972 --> 00:24:17,005 I just want to thank you for everything you do. 540 00:24:17,006 --> 00:24:18,797 - You got it. - He's... he, like, wants to... 541 00:24:18,798 --> 00:24:20,213 He's got, like, a sitcom idea. 542 00:24:20,214 --> 00:24:21,463 He, like, wants to do a sitcom. 543 00:24:21,464 --> 00:24:23,296 I do. Well, yeah, that's... that's true. 544 00:24:23,297 --> 00:24:24,755 So it's not just stand-up. 545 00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:26,672 - It's like, what you did, I wanna... - Yeah. 546 00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:28,630 I have an idea about a guy 547 00:24:28,631 --> 00:24:30,714 who's fed up with the public schools, right? 548 00:24:30,715 --> 00:24:32,551 And, um, so he pulls his kids out and he starts 549 00:24:32,552 --> 00:24:34,046 teaching them in his garage. 550 00:24:34,047 --> 00:24:36,088 And then word gets out 'cause he's good at it. 551 00:24:36,089 --> 00:24:37,338 - He's good at it. - Right. 552 00:24:37,339 --> 00:24:38,505 So then other kids start coming, 553 00:24:38,506 --> 00:24:39,672 and it's called "Holmes School." 554 00:24:39,673 --> 00:24:41,088 His last name is Holmes. 555 00:24:41,089 --> 00:24:43,005 Pete Holmes, like homeschool. 556 00:24:43,006 --> 00:24:44,880 So it's a guy who... 557 00:24:44,881 --> 00:24:48,839 who lures kids into his garage. 558 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,880 Isn't that a Dateline episode? 559 00:24:50,881 --> 00:24:53,255 No, when you put it that way, it does sound creepy. 560 00:24:53,256 --> 00:24:54,755 I... I teach them. 561 00:24:54,756 --> 00:24:56,505 - Is that a sitcom? Who knows? - I mean... 562 00:24:56,506 --> 00:24:59,338 You know what? Maybe. It probably could be. 563 00:24:59,339 --> 00:25:01,088 Put that on your board. That's what you do. 564 00:25:01,089 --> 00:25:03,547 Take me down, put that idea on the board, 565 00:25:03,548 --> 00:25:04,880 and then we'll see if it's magic. 566 00:25:04,881 --> 00:25:06,380 Here's the thing. Listen to me. 567 00:25:06,381 --> 00:25:09,132 I wanna give you some advice. You seem like a funny guy. 568 00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:12,922 Get on stage, man. Be honest, be funny, be yourself, 569 00:25:12,923 --> 00:25:14,963 and, uh... 570 00:25:14,964 --> 00:25:17,255 if it's supposed to happen, it's gonna happen. 571 00:25:19,381 --> 00:25:22,505 - What's this? - Don't. Don't do that. 572 00:25:22,506 --> 00:25:25,130 I'm sorry. I got excited. I got excited. 573 00:25:25,131 --> 00:25:26,797 - We gotta go. - Thank you. 574 00:25:26,798 --> 00:25:28,880 - It was so nice to talk to you. - Good luck. 575 00:25:28,881 --> 00:25:30,351 - Thank you. - I do like the hat, Pete. 576 00:25:30,352 --> 00:25:32,130 - I do like the hat. - Thank you. 577 00:25:32,131 --> 00:25:34,380 - I think it's "Phil." - It's Phil, right? Sorry. 578 00:25:54,464 --> 00:25:57,130 Pete, wake up. 579 00:25:58,130 --> 00:26:00,547 Happy four-week-aversary! 580 00:26:00,548 --> 00:26:01,963 I have a surprise. Get up. 581 00:26:01,964 --> 00:26:04,172 - Was I funny? - You were funny. 582 00:26:05,631 --> 00:26:07,130 Oh, gosh. 583 00:26:08,964 --> 00:26:11,964 - Pete! - What an alarm. 584 00:26:12,798 --> 00:26:14,380 What do you need? 585 00:26:14,381 --> 00:26:15,798 Come on! 586 00:26:16,506 --> 00:26:18,505 - What are we doing? - Wait. 587 00:26:18,506 --> 00:26:20,422 - I don't want a knish. - Wait, wait. Cool. 588 00:26:21,964 --> 00:26:25,296 - There. There. - What? The bus? 589 00:26:25,297 --> 00:26:27,172 Hold on. 590 00:26:36,492 --> 00:26:37,867 You did that? 591 00:26:41,095 --> 00:26:42,630 Is that everywhere? 592 00:26:42,631 --> 00:26:44,313 It's just that bus. 593 00:26:44,791 --> 00:26:46,125 Just this week. 594 00:26:48,089 --> 00:26:49,547 I don't know what to say. 595 00:26:49,548 --> 00:26:52,505 I wanted to show you 596 00:26:52,506 --> 00:26:54,422 so you would believe in yourself. 597 00:26:54,423 --> 00:26:56,172 Because I believe in you. 598 00:26:59,798 --> 00:27:02,130 That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 599 00:27:04,186 --> 00:27:06,685 - I love you. - I love you, too. 600 00:27:06,686 --> 00:27:08,942 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 601 00:28:18,225 --> 00:28:19,565 This is it? 602 00:28:19,566 --> 00:28:21,734 You ever stayed at a comedy club condo before? 603 00:28:21,735 --> 00:28:23,505 Looks like an assassin's hideout. 604 00:28:23,506 --> 00:28:25,005 - Look who it is. - Hey. 605 00:28:25,006 --> 00:28:27,422 What're you? Are you working this weekend? 606 00:28:28,172 --> 00:28:30,630 I'm not sure how to approach a woman. 607 00:28:30,631 --> 00:28:32,714 Is there anything more creepy than asking, 608 00:28:32,715 --> 00:28:34,464 "Are we gonna do it missionary?" 609 00:28:35,214 --> 00:28:36,963 I was just wondering if maybe, I should headline? 610 00:28:36,964 --> 00:28:39,463 Actually, the owner did have some suggestions for you. 611 00:28:39,464 --> 00:28:41,506 - Just smile more. - You go to McDonald's, you say, 612 00:28:41,507 --> 00:28:43,755 "Can I make sure that there are no pickles on my burger?" 613 00:28:43,756 --> 00:28:45,922 It shouldn't be daunting to say to a woman, 614 00:28:45,923 --> 00:28:48,255 "Hey, can I put my pickle in your burger?" 45366

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