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1
00:00:05,136 --> 00:00:06,482
You guys pee in the pool?
2
00:00:06,483 --> 00:00:08,517
Clap your hands if you pee in
the pool. Don't be afraid.
3
00:00:08,518 --> 00:00:09,876
You're not ready.
4
00:00:09,878 --> 00:00:11,410
I can't believe Estee didn't pass you.
5
00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:12,714
That was like a solid set.
6
00:00:12,715 --> 00:00:15,923
I'm doing a gig that I think
you'd be perfect for.
7
00:00:16,422 --> 00:00:17,422
Yes.
8
00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:20,213
What's going on over there?
9
00:00:20,214 --> 00:00:22,213
- Somebody I met today.
- Nice.
10
00:00:22,214 --> 00:00:25,046
- We had sex in a dressing room.
- What?
11
00:00:25,047 --> 00:00:26,588
And then again in a bathroom.
12
00:00:26,589 --> 00:00:29,128
- Two times?
- In one day. A double schtup.
13
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,463
I see a lot of empty seats.
14
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,963
Are... Are you all saving a
seat for Elijah? Or is that...
15
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,109
I spoke to the rabbi.
16
00:00:36,110 --> 00:00:38,338
He said he would love
to sit down with you.
17
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,923
- Absolutely.
- So, where is Pete?
18
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:56,518
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
19
00:00:57,089 --> 00:01:00,422
No. It feels weird.
20
00:01:00,423 --> 00:01:02,088
- What, the hat?
- Yeah.
21
00:01:02,089 --> 00:01:05,171
No, you're just one of those
people. You look good in hats.
22
00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:07,297
- Trust me. Yeah.
- Really?
23
00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:13,088
Yeah.
24
00:01:13,089 --> 00:01:15,631
You look good. You look sexy.
25
00:01:17,756 --> 00:01:18,964
Okay.
26
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,130
Hello.
27
00:01:31,131 --> 00:01:32,506
Thank you.
28
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,381
Sorry.
29
00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:00,422
So I have a question.
30
00:02:00,423 --> 00:02:02,755
Where is all this headed?
31
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,483
You mean us?
32
00:02:05,131 --> 00:02:06,630
No, I feel pretty good about that.
33
00:02:06,631 --> 00:02:09,963
I mean your career.
34
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,171
Um...
35
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,411
I want to get really good at stand-up.
36
00:02:13,412 --> 00:02:15,257
Okay, but...
37
00:02:15,798 --> 00:02:17,088
But what?
38
00:02:17,089 --> 00:02:19,473
No, that's... that's the end.
39
00:02:22,714 --> 00:02:24,714
Yeah, but you want to be adored.
40
00:02:25,881 --> 00:02:28,380
- No, no, that's...
- You want everyone in this restaurant
41
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,880
to know how special you are.
42
00:02:29,881 --> 00:02:32,005
You want to be unable
to walk down the street
43
00:02:32,006 --> 00:02:34,171
without everybody seeing
you and recognizing you
44
00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:36,047
and knowing how funny you are.
45
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,672
No, I'm not David Hasselhoff.
I'm... I'm a comedian.
46
00:02:40,673 --> 00:02:42,088
No. Come on. Okay.
47
00:02:42,089 --> 00:02:45,088
Admit that it is driving you
fucking crazy right now
48
00:02:45,089 --> 00:02:48,338
that no one in here knows that
you are the next Kevin Hart.
49
00:02:48,339 --> 00:02:51,213
I'm not... I'm not the next Kevin Hart.
50
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,588
Kevin Hart is Kevin Hart.
51
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,627
We have a Kevin Hart.
52
00:02:53,628 --> 00:02:55,880
He's perfect for the part.
53
00:02:55,881 --> 00:02:58,338
I'm just a... I'm a club guy.
54
00:02:58,339 --> 00:03:00,463
I grind it out. I do spots.
55
00:03:00,464 --> 00:03:02,296
I get better. That's my...
56
00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,145
You know, Madison Square Garden
and the movies, that's...
57
00:03:04,146 --> 00:03:07,630
- Okay.
- I'm not... that's a different thing.
58
00:03:07,631 --> 00:03:11,630
The greatest honor in my life
would be to be in the scene.
59
00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:13,255
- I just...
- Wanting to be famous
60
00:03:13,256 --> 00:03:16,089
is not a bad thing, and
it's not embarrassing.
61
00:03:19,756 --> 00:03:21,797
I do... I have a TV idea.
62
00:03:24,894 --> 00:03:25,931
Tell me.
63
00:03:25,932 --> 00:03:27,588
- It's about a guy...
- Mm-hmm.
64
00:03:27,589 --> 00:03:30,046
...who has kids, but the
public schools stink.
65
00:03:30,047 --> 00:03:33,088
So he pulls them out, and he starts
teaching them in his garage,
66
00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:36,005
but he's really good at it,
right? So word gets out,
67
00:03:36,006 --> 00:03:37,338
and other neighborhood kids
68
00:03:37,339 --> 00:03:39,171
start coming to his
school in his garage.
69
00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:42,171
And that's like... That's
the pilot, I guess.
70
00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:44,588
I've written, like, an outline.
71
00:03:44,589 --> 00:03:46,630
"Holmes Schooled."
72
00:03:46,631 --> 00:03:48,588
- Yeah, Homeschooled.
- No, no, no, Pete...
73
00:03:48,589 --> 00:03:50,922
"Holmes Schooled."
74
00:03:50,923 --> 00:03:52,588
- No, no I...
- Like your last name.
75
00:03:52,589 --> 00:03:54,463
But it's not for me. It's just
Homeschooled. It's for like a name.
76
00:03:54,464 --> 00:03:57,463
Why isn't it for you? This is
the perfect vehicle for you.
77
00:03:57,464 --> 00:03:58,797
I don't see it for me.
78
00:03:58,798 --> 00:04:00,963
It's like something I would
write, but, you know...
79
00:04:00,964 --> 00:04:03,547
Ike Barinholtz or maybe
Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
80
00:04:03,548 --> 00:04:06,839
I can see your face
on the side of a bus.
81
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,171
You're wearing a cardigan
and you're standing
82
00:04:09,172 --> 00:04:11,630
with your arms crossed in
front of a chalkboard,
83
00:04:11,631 --> 00:04:14,422
and it says on the
chalkboard, "Tuesdays at 9."
84
00:04:14,423 --> 00:04:15,836
Against Big Bang Theory?
85
00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:17,255
- Yeah.
- We're gonna get smoked!
86
00:04:19,131 --> 00:04:20,963
Sure you don't want to
come dance with me?
87
00:04:20,964 --> 00:04:22,381
I do want to.
88
00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:25,464
This is it. This is where I leave you.
89
00:04:26,923 --> 00:04:29,005
- I'll see you in three hours.
- Okay.
90
00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:31,130
- Three hours?
- Yeah.
91
00:04:31,131 --> 00:04:33,714
That's the entire movie the Titanic.
92
00:04:33,715 --> 00:04:35,631
I know.
93
00:04:36,252 --> 00:04:38,001
- You'll survive.
- I'll be fine.
94
00:04:38,002 --> 00:04:41,170
- Okay bye.
- Bye.
95
00:04:41,171 --> 00:04:43,922
Bye. Bye.
96
00:05:04,101 --> 00:05:05,142
Kitty?
97
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:10,463
- Hey.
- Peter!
98
00:05:10,464 --> 00:05:11,922
- What's up?
- Hello!
99
00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:13,213
- What's goin' on?
- Hi.
100
00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:16,338
Oh, nothing. I just, I've
been texting you a bunch
101
00:05:16,339 --> 00:05:19,797
and I haven't heard back, so I
figured I'd just come over.
102
00:05:19,798 --> 00:05:21,380
Yeah, well, welcome.
103
00:05:21,381 --> 00:05:24,005
Thank you. You've done
a great job, Peter!
104
00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:27,380
Look at these elements, exposed
105
00:05:27,381 --> 00:05:30,130
just stone into woven carpet,
106
00:05:30,131 --> 00:05:33,505
and cardboard and wood. Great.
107
00:05:33,506 --> 00:05:35,296
- I'm actually...
- Oh, okay.
108
00:05:35,297 --> 00:05:36,690
- I have to...
- Sure.
109
00:05:36,691 --> 00:05:38,545
This is unexpected, so I
don't have a lot of time.
110
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,171
Oh, I understand. Yeah.
111
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:44,088
Ah, it's just so nice
to sit for a moment.
112
00:05:44,089 --> 00:05:46,213
I brought you a little
housewarming gift.
113
00:05:46,214 --> 00:05:50,880
Please, I don't want any VHS's
of PBS specials you've taped.
114
00:05:50,881 --> 00:05:52,963
Not this time.
115
00:05:52,964 --> 00:05:54,922
- Ah!
- Yeah.
116
00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:58,547
Mmm, thank you.
117
00:05:58,548 --> 00:05:59,593
Maca root.
118
00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:01,714
- Oh, maca root. Great.
- Yeah.
119
00:06:01,715 --> 00:06:03,130
Incans used to take it
120
00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:05,296
right before they went
into heavy battle.
121
00:06:05,297 --> 00:06:07,798
We use it for a little help with old...
122
00:06:09,131 --> 00:06:10,943
- My dick.
- Yeah, your dick.
123
00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:13,588
- Thank you.
- What are you doing tonight?
124
00:06:13,589 --> 00:06:15,714
- Why?
- My old roommate is a sous chef
125
00:06:15,715 --> 00:06:17,360
and he's opening a new restaurant.
126
00:06:17,361 --> 00:06:19,338
Tonight's the soft opening.
He gave me two tickets.
127
00:06:19,339 --> 00:06:22,213
It's gonna be you and me and
a bunch of celebrities.
128
00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:23,714
- Really?
- That's what they said.
129
00:06:23,715 --> 00:06:26,704
Kristen Chenowith is a
person. Is that one?
130
00:06:26,705 --> 00:06:28,130
Yeah, that's a celebrity.
131
00:06:28,131 --> 00:06:31,088
Lauren Michaels is gonna
come, and she's...
132
00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:32,922
It's Lorne Michaels.
133
00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:34,596
She's a beautiful celebrity.
134
00:06:34,597 --> 00:06:36,015
- Nope.
- Yeah!
135
00:06:36,016 --> 00:06:38,805
It sounds amazing. I just...
I have plans tonight.
136
00:06:38,806 --> 00:06:41,595
What do you have, a show? This
is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
137
00:06:41,596 --> 00:06:45,171
No, I get that. I just...
I've been on the road a lot,
138
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,902
and I'm sort of spending the
night with my girl, so...
139
00:06:47,903 --> 00:06:49,963
You guys see each other
a lot, though, right?
140
00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:53,213
This is kind of a just-tonight thing.
141
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:55,463
I would love hanging out,
but I haven't seen her...
142
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:57,963
I haven't seen her in like a week, so...
143
00:06:57,964 --> 00:07:00,088
I just want to reconnect, you know...
144
00:07:00,089 --> 00:07:01,588
But didn't I just...
145
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:05,506
Did I see you on Instagram on
the High Line this morning?
146
00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:09,505
Yes, that's us on the...
That's her. That's Kat.
147
00:07:09,506 --> 00:07:11,397
- But that wasn't today.
- Oh.
148
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,935
That was a later-gram. Yeah.
149
00:07:15,255 --> 00:07:17,463
Seems like you found someone
that's helped you unlock
150
00:07:17,464 --> 00:07:20,797
that piece of yourself
that lets you be love,
151
00:07:20,798 --> 00:07:25,963
and the two of you are in love
together at the same time.
152
00:07:25,964 --> 00:07:27,297
It's great.
153
00:07:28,339 --> 00:07:29,797
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
154
00:07:29,798 --> 00:07:32,255
We'll do another dinner another time.
155
00:07:32,256 --> 00:07:33,797
I just... When I'm not so busy.
156
00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:36,296
Yeah, okay.
157
00:07:38,964 --> 00:07:40,630
All right. See you Thursday.
158
00:07:40,631 --> 00:07:42,005
- Bye!
- Bye.
159
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,797
Hi.
160
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,963
- I'm stinky.
- I don't care.
161
00:07:46,964 --> 00:07:48,214
Oh, no.
162
00:07:55,237 --> 00:07:57,280
You're smelly.
163
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,886
Can I... Can I tell you something?
164
00:08:03,887 --> 00:08:06,387
- Sure.
- It's weird.
165
00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:08,422
- But it's not bad.
- Okay.
166
00:08:08,423 --> 00:08:11,296
- Um, so you know I grew up religious...
- Mm-hmm.
167
00:08:11,297 --> 00:08:14,594
...and I was never a big, um, porn guy.
168
00:08:15,923 --> 00:08:18,222
Evidenced by the fact that
I call them porn guys.
169
00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:19,463
Yeah, I can't believe it.
170
00:08:19,464 --> 00:08:21,950
No, I... But, you know, the Internet
171
00:08:21,951 --> 00:08:24,422
came around and everybody was doing it.
172
00:08:24,423 --> 00:08:26,547
So I started looking at this one girl...
173
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,130
- This one woman.
- Mm-hmm.
174
00:08:28,131 --> 00:08:32,213
And, I don't know, I got really
obsessed with this woman,
175
00:08:32,214 --> 00:08:38,088
and I looked at her consistently
for years, but only her.
176
00:08:38,089 --> 00:08:39,755
Wait, so what are you saying?
177
00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:41,755
You were monogamous with your porn star?
178
00:08:41,756 --> 00:08:43,380
Yes, exactly.
179
00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:45,797
But she's not a porn star,
she's an adult model.
180
00:08:45,798 --> 00:08:47,880
She just... It's just
her. She poses nude.
181
00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:52,089
But you look so much like her...
182
00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:55,296
that the first time I saw you,
183
00:08:55,297 --> 00:08:59,422
I actually wasn't sure you weren't her.
184
00:09:00,214 --> 00:09:02,589
I mean, it's like...
185
00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,130
Um...
186
00:09:05,131 --> 00:09:07,005
That's a weird thing to tell somebody,
187
00:09:07,006 --> 00:09:10,255
and I should've kept it
to myself and I'm sorry.
188
00:09:10,256 --> 00:09:12,922
And you're... Hold on, you're
so much more than a...
189
00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:14,839
You're my fantasy, is what I'm saying.
190
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,851
You're not like a porn star woman.
191
00:09:18,852 --> 00:09:20,588
I don't even look at it anymore.
192
00:09:20,589 --> 00:09:21,923
I need to show you something.
193
00:09:22,964 --> 00:09:24,463
- Kitty?
- Wait.
194
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,820
I'm a fucking weirdo.
195
00:09:25,821 --> 00:09:28,697
My thing is... What?
196
00:09:29,381 --> 00:09:31,463
What's that? Are you
breaking a cold case?
197
00:09:33,589 --> 00:09:35,088
What is... What are you doing?
198
00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:38,588
It's my vision board!
199
00:09:38,589 --> 00:09:40,110
It's my vision board.
200
00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:42,261
You do... You do vision boards?
201
00:09:42,262 --> 00:09:43,588
Yeah.
202
00:09:43,589 --> 00:09:45,130
- Like for real?
- Yeah!
203
00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:47,130
This is what I want
my life to look like.
204
00:09:47,131 --> 00:09:49,422
Like I want to go to Italy
205
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,130
or, like, learn how to scuba dive.
206
00:09:52,131 --> 00:09:53,798
But...
207
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,422
- I'm Prince William?
- Yes!
208
00:09:56,423 --> 00:10:00,046
You are the tall, blond, sexy,
209
00:10:00,047 --> 00:10:01,782
- kind of goofy...
- Kitty...
210
00:10:01,783 --> 00:10:04,403
This is what you were doing
with your porn girl.
211
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,541
Really?
212
00:10:05,542 --> 00:10:07,547
He looks like a candle
that smells like nothing.
213
00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:11,463
Okay, I don't literally want
to be with Prince William,
214
00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:14,130
but it's like your porn girl.
215
00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:15,797
You spent all of these years
216
00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:19,171
pointing your desire and your
intention towards this woman,
217
00:10:19,172 --> 00:10:23,672
who looks like me, and then
we just happen to meet?
218
00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:26,714
No, we manifested each other.
219
00:10:26,715 --> 00:10:28,755
You think I made you... I mean...
220
00:10:28,756 --> 00:10:31,296
You can't have all of that desire
221
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,839
and not have it manifest in the world.
222
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,005
It's the law of attraction.
223
00:10:36,006 --> 00:10:38,047
Do you want to make one?
224
00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:40,046
I have some more New Yorkers.
225
00:10:40,047 --> 00:10:43,005
- Oh, New Yorker.
- Yeah.
226
00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:44,714
I read Playboy for the articles,
227
00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:46,588
but I read New Yorker
for the pornography.
228
00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:50,088
I've been looking for
a photo of Mr. Rogers
229
00:10:50,089 --> 00:10:52,505
or Big Bird, if you have either.
230
00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:53,839
Ooh!
231
00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:56,547
Debra!
232
00:10:56,548 --> 00:10:58,171
Yeah? You're into Ray Romano?
233
00:10:58,172 --> 00:11:00,672
I love Ray. Everybody... everybody...
234
00:11:00,673 --> 00:11:02,505
Can I have some paste?
I'd like to sniff it.
235
00:11:02,506 --> 00:11:05,005
- I have a surprise for us.
- Okay.
236
00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:06,673
Put your pants on.
237
00:11:07,923 --> 00:11:10,380
Where am I going that I need pants?
238
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,422
Hello, uh...
239
00:11:36,423 --> 00:11:37,922
Can we go?
240
00:11:37,923 --> 00:11:40,046
I don't like these kinds
of places. This is...
241
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:42,255
What do you mean "these
kinds of places"?
242
00:11:42,256 --> 00:11:46,005
This isn't like a scuzzy
roadside jerk-hut.
243
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,630
- No?
- This is The Pleasure Chest.
244
00:11:47,631 --> 00:11:50,213
It's a very classy place,
it's very clean.
245
00:11:50,214 --> 00:11:52,088
- The Pleasure Chest.
- Yeah.
246
00:11:52,089 --> 00:11:56,422
Argh! It's still very
hard for me to be here.
247
00:11:57,255 --> 00:11:59,463
Do you two need any help with anything?
248
00:11:59,464 --> 00:12:01,255
- I think we're... Yes.
- Yeah!
249
00:12:01,256 --> 00:12:04,672
So we are looking for something
that we can both have fun with,
250
00:12:04,673 --> 00:12:07,130
but he's sort of new to all of this.
251
00:12:07,131 --> 00:12:08,588
Okay.
252
00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:11,463
Well, I always tell couples
to start with a Bullet.
253
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,130
This is made of medical-grade
non-porous plastic.
254
00:12:14,131 --> 00:12:15,839
- Oh, medical-grade.
- It's great for external play.
255
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,714
- You can do a lot with this little guy.
- Wow.
256
00:12:18,715 --> 00:12:20,130
Oh, it's on.
257
00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:22,255
It's like a cocktail wiener...
258
00:12:22,256 --> 00:12:23,880
for your... for your wiener.
259
00:12:23,881 --> 00:12:25,547
Hello?
260
00:12:25,548 --> 00:12:27,463
Sorry, I can't cock right now.
261
00:12:27,464 --> 00:12:29,046
Yeah, I'm going through a tunnel.
262
00:12:29,047 --> 00:12:31,714
- And then you... Woo!
- Oh.
263
00:12:33,506 --> 00:12:35,588
It's fun. Thank you.
264
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:36,672
Um...
265
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,255
What about this? It
looks like a seahorse.
266
00:12:39,256 --> 00:12:42,963
Well, that's usually for anal.
267
00:12:42,964 --> 00:12:45,255
Have you, uh, tried anal?
268
00:12:45,256 --> 00:12:46,339
- No.
- Yes.
269
00:12:47,192 --> 00:12:49,380
Well, let me know if you need any help.
270
00:12:49,381 --> 00:12:51,627
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
271
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,171
What the fuck are you doing?
272
00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:57,296
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm
trying to lighten the mood.
273
00:12:57,297 --> 00:12:59,463
- It's, you know...
- It feels like you're shaming me.
274
00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:01,463
It feels like you are trying to shame me
275
00:13:01,464 --> 00:13:02,862
for being into what I'm into.
276
00:13:02,863 --> 00:13:06,755
No, no. Absolutely not. This is sexy.
277
00:13:06,756 --> 00:13:08,159
This is fun.
278
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,088
- I'm all for trying new things.
- Yeah.
279
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,296
I'm happy to be doing this with you.
280
00:13:12,297 --> 00:13:13,797
- I want to do this with you.
- Good.
281
00:13:13,798 --> 00:13:15,342
'Cause I'm gonna put stuff in you, too.
282
00:13:15,343 --> 00:13:17,606
- Great.
- I'm getting this little guy.
283
00:13:17,607 --> 00:13:20,821
Hey, Easter comes but once a year.
284
00:13:20,822 --> 00:13:22,547
And so do you.
285
00:13:30,631 --> 00:13:32,172
What?
286
00:13:33,255 --> 00:13:35,381
Feels naughty.
287
00:13:35,879 --> 00:13:37,586
We should do something...
288
00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:40,796
We should so something wholesome
to balance the evening out.
289
00:13:42,172 --> 00:13:44,714
We could go read to the elderly.
290
00:13:46,089 --> 00:13:48,839
We could blow bubbles at rescue dogs.
291
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,589
Pick one out.
292
00:13:52,214 --> 00:13:53,422
Um, hold on.
293
00:13:53,423 --> 00:13:55,213
We can get the train
this way. But, um...
294
00:13:55,214 --> 00:13:57,505
No, there's something that I want to do.
295
00:13:57,506 --> 00:14:00,005
Yeah, but this... this is sort
of like where I work, though.
296
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,567
This is like my office.
297
00:14:01,568 --> 00:14:03,338
We can just hook around.
298
00:14:03,339 --> 00:14:04,839
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just come with me.
299
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,150
I have something fun planned.
You're really gonna like it.
300
00:14:07,151 --> 00:14:09,923
- Can we do it at home?
- No, we cannot.
301
00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:15,855
Kitty.
302
00:14:16,798 --> 00:14:18,130
Can we please not do this?
303
00:14:18,131 --> 00:14:21,255
Seriously, this is like the
last place I want to be.
304
00:14:21,256 --> 00:14:22,880
- Please.
- Face your fears.
305
00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:24,171
What are you... What are you doing?
306
00:14:24,172 --> 00:14:26,213
This is the club you
said you wanted to play.
307
00:14:26,214 --> 00:14:27,381
Here we are.
308
00:14:27,756 --> 00:14:30,338
Okay, this is also the club
I told you I auditioned at,
309
00:14:30,339 --> 00:14:32,380
and it didn't go well.
I... I told you this.
310
00:14:32,381 --> 00:14:35,505
Yeah, so that's why we're here.
311
00:14:35,506 --> 00:14:39,046
No, the plan is I want the
booker to forget who I am.
312
00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:41,755
I'm not gonna show up as some loser guy.
313
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:44,005
So, what, you're just never
gonna come back here?
314
00:14:44,006 --> 00:14:46,296
No, they key is for her
to forget my face.
315
00:14:46,297 --> 00:14:47,797
- No, Pete!
- Then I come back.
316
00:14:47,798 --> 00:14:50,380
- She has to see you all the time.
- No, she doesn't.
317
00:14:50,381 --> 00:14:51,729
- I'm not coming in here.
- So that she's like,
318
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:53,255
"Oh wait. This guy's got balls.
319
00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:55,463
There's something that I
missed the first time,
320
00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:57,422
and he's fighting for
what he believes in."
321
00:14:57,423 --> 00:14:58,960
And people respect that.
322
00:14:58,961 --> 00:15:01,005
No, I think people think it's weird
323
00:15:01,006 --> 00:15:03,255
when you're rejected from something
and you keep showing up.
324
00:15:03,256 --> 00:15:05,256
No, Pete, you need to
be here all the time.
325
00:15:05,257 --> 00:15:06,505
You can't hide.
326
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,005
- They need to get tired of seeing you.
- Listen. No.
327
00:15:09,006 --> 00:15:10,923
- Just trust me, okay?
- Kitty, please.
328
00:15:11,673 --> 00:15:12,923
Please.
329
00:15:13,464 --> 00:15:15,088
This is business, okay?
330
00:15:15,089 --> 00:15:16,755
It's the art of war.
331
00:15:16,756 --> 00:15:18,088
And also, you're not walking in alone.
332
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:20,339
You're not a loser.
You're with me, okay?
333
00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:24,171
Hi, excuse us. We have tickets.
334
00:15:28,878 --> 00:15:30,754
Shit, Pete Holmes.
335
00:15:31,595 --> 00:15:32,963
He's a comic.
336
00:15:32,964 --> 00:15:34,839
I know who the fuck Pete Holmes is.
337
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:37,381
Pete, you sitting in
the audience tonight?
338
00:15:40,623 --> 00:15:42,463
- Yes. Yes.
- Yeah?
339
00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:45,422
Don't worry about it, man. I
got the perfect seats for you.
340
00:15:45,423 --> 00:15:47,963
- That is so nice. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
341
00:15:47,964 --> 00:15:50,297
- Should we go? Thank you.
- Yeah. Good.
342
00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:53,767
Dude...
343
00:15:54,548 --> 00:15:56,130
I'd lose the hat if I was you.
344
00:15:57,172 --> 00:15:58,797
It's cool here. It's smaller
345
00:15:58,798 --> 00:16:00,380
than I thought it was going to be.
346
00:16:00,381 --> 00:16:02,338
- Very intimate. Very.
- Yeah.
347
00:16:02,339 --> 00:16:05,547
- It's nice.
- This is too close.
348
00:16:06,214 --> 00:16:07,630
- This is too close.
- No!
349
00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:11,207
You are right where you're
supposed to be right now.
350
00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:13,463
Ooh.
351
00:16:13,464 --> 00:16:16,047
- We didn't order these.
- These are from him.
352
00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:22,460
Thank you! Cheers!
353
00:16:22,461 --> 00:16:24,628
That is so nice of him.
354
00:16:24,629 --> 00:16:26,131
Cheers.
355
00:16:27,381 --> 00:16:28,839
They're fucking with
me. You realize that?
356
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,672
No, they're sending it over
because they know you,
357
00:16:30,673 --> 00:16:32,130
because you're a friend.
358
00:16:32,131 --> 00:16:34,213
- They're... that's not...
- You're a friend. Drink this.
359
00:16:34,214 --> 00:16:36,046
These people are animals.
360
00:16:36,047 --> 00:16:38,046
- I'm drinking this.
- Kitty...
361
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:41,714
The greatest thing about
smoking marijuana...
362
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,171
...is smoking marijuana...
363
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,833
and then not smoking
marijuana for about a month,
364
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:53,422
and then smoking marijuana.
365
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,464
Mm-hmm!
366
00:16:57,922 --> 00:16:59,088
So good.
367
00:17:00,297 --> 00:17:02,130
Ladies and people, our next guest
368
00:17:02,131 --> 00:17:03,839
is a talented man. Very funny.
369
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,380
Put your hands together and
welcome Mr. Dave Attell.
370
00:17:15,756 --> 00:17:18,213
Keep it going for William
Stephenson, everybody.
371
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,588
Thanks.
372
00:17:20,589 --> 00:17:25,145
William, two words of
advice: sit-ups. Now...
373
00:17:25,146 --> 00:17:26,772
Hey, guys!
374
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,797
This is a rough and ready crowd.
That's the way I like it.
375
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,588
Let's take a look at everyone.
376
00:17:31,589 --> 00:17:33,588
It's nice to see my
condo board showed up.
377
00:17:33,589 --> 00:17:36,338
How are you guys? Sorry
about the weird smell.
378
00:17:36,339 --> 00:17:39,380
And, of course, the cast of
Hamilton. Give them a hand.
379
00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:44,088
And, uh... Oh shit.
380
00:17:44,089 --> 00:17:47,748
Is that...? Yeah, it
is. Hey, Pete. Yeah.
381
00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:50,503
You guys don't know this.
This is a comic, Pete Holmes.
382
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:53,276
Yeah, sittin' right up front.
383
00:17:53,277 --> 00:17:54,963
Dude...
384
00:17:54,964 --> 00:17:57,797
What the fuck, man?
385
00:17:57,798 --> 00:17:59,380
Did you guys buy tickets?
386
00:17:59,381 --> 00:18:02,046
What's, uh... Yes.
387
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,505
She, uh, she wanted to come.
388
00:18:07,506 --> 00:18:10,976
And you're the girlfriend?
389
00:18:10,977 --> 00:18:12,963
It's our three-week-aversary.
390
00:18:16,422 --> 00:18:18,338
- Are you guys s-e-x-ing?
- Yeah.
391
00:18:18,339 --> 00:18:20,963
Yeah? I would love to see you
two scissoring all night.
392
00:18:20,964 --> 00:18:23,881
It must be crazy. Yeah.
393
00:18:24,881 --> 00:18:27,630
Miss, can I smell your
finger? I mean, really...
394
00:18:27,631 --> 00:18:29,130
this is just what it's about.
395
00:18:29,131 --> 00:18:32,297
It's the magic of that fedora
hat, I mean, honestly...
396
00:18:33,339 --> 00:18:36,130
You kind of look like
Timberlake without the power
397
00:18:36,131 --> 00:18:38,005
or money or talent.
398
00:18:38,964 --> 00:18:40,797
And, uh, did you buy him that hat?
399
00:18:40,798 --> 00:18:41,797
You bet I did!
400
00:18:41,798 --> 00:18:44,672
Yeah! Nice!
401
00:18:44,673 --> 00:18:47,130
You go out with a girl, then
she starts dressing you
402
00:18:47,131 --> 00:18:48,963
to look like a guy she
couldn't go out with.
403
00:18:48,964 --> 00:18:51,046
So evidently,
404
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:55,171
she has a 1930s reporter
fetish or something.
405
00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:57,963
Yeah, I really wanna bang a guy
that works at The Daily Planet.
406
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:02,088
I thought I was in the audience.
407
00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:04,213
He looks like any minute,
408
00:19:04,214 --> 00:19:07,005
he might do some close-up
magic for all of us.
409
00:19:07,006 --> 00:19:08,547
Pete...
410
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:12,672
Pete, you better ice your
balls. This girl is awesome.
411
00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:15,296
Scoot over, Dan. Hey, you guys
are never gonna believe it.
412
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:18,296
Guess who's downstairs.
Pete Holmes is downstairs.
413
00:19:18,297 --> 00:19:19,839
Whoa, whoa. Pete Holmes
is in the audience?
414
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,380
In the audience? He's sittin' up front
415
00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:22,630
with this super-hot chick.
416
00:19:22,631 --> 00:19:24,588
I tell you, it's always
weird doing comedy
417
00:19:24,589 --> 00:19:26,005
in front of other comedians.
418
00:19:26,006 --> 00:19:28,381
So, obviously, there's no
big deal here, because...
419
00:19:29,923 --> 00:19:32,088
- Who's this? Is that your girl?
- Yes.
420
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:34,880
Are things that bad in Russia,
man, that you had to...
421
00:19:34,881 --> 00:19:36,630
...that you had to...?
422
00:19:36,631 --> 00:19:38,296
So when you... When you say fedora,
423
00:19:38,297 --> 00:19:39,714
are we thinking Guys and Dolls?
424
00:19:39,715 --> 00:19:41,130
Like ska band? Reel Big Fish?
425
00:19:41,131 --> 00:19:43,964
Pete, I gotta say, your beard
looks better than mine.
426
00:19:46,756 --> 00:19:48,714
What is this? Oh, my God!
427
00:19:48,715 --> 00:19:50,630
Seriously?
428
00:19:50,631 --> 00:19:52,338
I don't know...
429
00:19:52,339 --> 00:19:54,213
Let's see.
430
00:19:56,589 --> 00:19:58,631
Who wants to see what's in the bag?
431
00:19:59,839 --> 00:20:01,255
This is the only place in America
432
00:20:01,256 --> 00:20:03,297
where democracy still
works. All right...
433
00:20:04,964 --> 00:20:07,088
Uh, ooh, there's a feather!
What is this, tickling?
434
00:20:07,089 --> 00:20:08,880
Is this tickling buttholes?
Tickling buttholes?
435
00:20:08,881 --> 00:20:12,547
I actually think it's gonna look
good in the jazz man's hat.
436
00:20:14,006 --> 00:20:17,046
Oh, we have found lube. Look, look.
437
00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:19,422
It's a lot of lube, a lot.
438
00:20:19,423 --> 00:20:21,963
What do you have down there?
Pubic hair or a tumbleweed?
439
00:20:21,964 --> 00:20:25,547
What's that... That's
a lot of moisturizer.
440
00:20:25,548 --> 00:20:27,422
Pete, what were you thinking?
441
00:20:27,423 --> 00:20:29,464
It was an impulse buy.
442
00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:32,839
It's right by the register.
443
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,899
Did you taste this? I have to taste it.
444
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,464
- No...
- Yeah, I need to.
445
00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:38,839
I have to taste this.
446
00:20:43,255 --> 00:20:44,756
It tastes like brisket.
447
00:20:46,547 --> 00:20:50,797
This is cherry lube... do you
know how juvenile that is?
448
00:20:50,798 --> 00:20:54,046
Like, I used this when I
was, like, 18, right?
449
00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:57,255
Yeah, it's really crazy,
but I'm hungry, so...
450
00:21:08,673 --> 00:21:10,573
He never remembers anyone's name, ever.
451
00:21:10,574 --> 00:21:13,173
I know, and he's such a legend.
He started with George Barlow.
452
00:21:16,381 --> 00:21:17,755
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
453
00:21:17,756 --> 00:21:19,672
Oh, there it is. Work it, girl!
454
00:21:19,673 --> 00:21:20,737
Pete, I gotta hand it to you.
455
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,465
You finally figured out how
to get into The Cellar.
456
00:21:22,466 --> 00:21:24,839
Pay the cover, buy the two
drinks, and lose your dignity.
457
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,797
That's funny.
458
00:21:26,798 --> 00:21:29,547
- You were great. You really were.
- Thank you so much.
459
00:21:29,548 --> 00:21:32,797
- You know who's really funny?
- We're gonna go, gonna take off.
460
00:21:32,798 --> 00:21:35,630
- This guy!
- Oh! One of the best! Are you kidding?
461
00:21:35,631 --> 00:21:38,130
Yes! He's... one of my idols.
462
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:41,255
- He's funnier than all of you guys.
- Babe...
463
00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:43,255
- Babe...
- That is judgement I trust.
464
00:21:43,256 --> 00:21:44,630
Okay.
465
00:21:44,631 --> 00:21:46,505
I'm just glad you finally found a fan.
466
00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:48,130
- Okay, um...
- We're gonna go.
467
00:21:48,131 --> 00:21:49,944
No, no, no. Wait, Pete. Fuck that.
468
00:21:49,945 --> 00:21:50,972
They need to hear this.
469
00:21:50,973 --> 00:21:52,275
Yeah, let's hear it! Let's hear it!
470
00:21:52,276 --> 00:21:53,880
He's really funny.
471
00:21:53,881 --> 00:21:55,758
Aw! He is!
472
00:21:55,759 --> 00:21:57,005
Seriously! No.
473
00:21:57,006 --> 00:21:59,213
Like, you just do goofy faces,
474
00:21:59,214 --> 00:22:01,296
and then you seem like
you might be stoned,
475
00:22:01,297 --> 00:22:03,005
which is really unprofessional.
476
00:22:03,006 --> 00:22:05,182
And then, I don't know, you're just...
477
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,338
I don't... You're just not funny.
478
00:22:07,339 --> 00:22:09,130
- Oh!
- Oh!
479
00:22:09,131 --> 00:22:11,588
All right, all right.
Calm down, calm down.
480
00:22:11,589 --> 00:22:13,625
That was fun.
481
00:22:13,626 --> 00:22:16,672
- Crazy, but fun.
- They're really funny,
482
00:22:16,673 --> 00:22:19,422
but there's a lot of
sadness in that room.
483
00:22:19,423 --> 00:22:21,547
Well, that comes with it, I suppose.
484
00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:23,672
- You're gonna eat, right?
- Yeah.
485
00:22:23,673 --> 00:22:25,422
What?
486
00:22:30,255 --> 00:22:32,297
- That's Ray Romano.
- I know.
487
00:22:34,089 --> 00:22:35,909
- I can't believe it!
- I know!
488
00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:37,316
You have to go talk to him.
489
00:22:37,317 --> 00:22:38,672
- I mean...
- Right now, let's go talk to him.
490
00:22:38,673 --> 00:22:40,630
I don't know if you can just go up
491
00:22:40,631 --> 00:22:42,380
and say "hi" to Ray Romano.
492
00:22:42,381 --> 00:22:44,564
He's a comic. You're peers.
493
00:22:44,565 --> 00:22:45,672
He's a legend.
494
00:22:45,673 --> 00:22:47,422
He's, like, my hero.
495
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,130
The other thing is, can we
just order the two mains
496
00:22:50,131 --> 00:22:52,213
- right at five?
- No, because then we'll eat 'em.
497
00:22:52,214 --> 00:22:55,380
- Well, we'll eat 'em anyway.
- Yes, but we're gonna eat...
498
00:22:55,381 --> 00:22:57,338
Excuse me?
499
00:22:57,339 --> 00:22:58,588
So, I'm sorry.
500
00:22:58,589 --> 00:22:59,880
Sure. Hey, man.
501
00:22:59,881 --> 00:23:03,338
Ray... Mr. Romano, I'm a huge fan.
502
00:23:03,339 --> 00:23:05,005
I'm a comic. I'm a stand-up. I'm Pete.
503
00:23:05,006 --> 00:23:07,102
Oh, okay. Thanks. Appreciate it.
504
00:23:07,103 --> 00:23:09,505
But you're such a big deal to me.
505
00:23:09,506 --> 00:23:12,130
The kind of comedy you do, your story...
506
00:23:12,131 --> 00:23:14,422
It's an inspiration. I
love everything you do.
507
00:23:14,423 --> 00:23:16,422
Appreciate it. Thank you.
508
00:23:16,423 --> 00:23:18,588
Thank you. This is Kat, I'm sorry.
509
00:23:18,589 --> 00:23:20,046
- How are you?
- I think you're hilarious.
510
00:23:20,047 --> 00:23:21,422
- Hello. Hi, Tom.
- I'm Tom.
511
00:23:21,423 --> 00:23:23,130
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Tom, nice to meet you.
512
00:23:23,131 --> 00:23:24,922
I'm sorry, I don't want to...
513
00:23:24,923 --> 00:23:26,990
You're on his vision board.
514
00:23:26,991 --> 00:23:28,380
Just have to tell you that.
515
00:23:28,381 --> 00:23:29,588
What does that mean?
516
00:23:29,589 --> 00:23:31,714
Oh, man, don't scare me. I scare easy.
517
00:23:31,715 --> 00:23:33,588
No, it sounds freaky, but it's like...
518
00:23:33,589 --> 00:23:35,338
You take pictures of things
519
00:23:35,339 --> 00:23:37,463
that represent, like, your
goals and your dreams
520
00:23:37,464 --> 00:23:38,922
and things that you want to achieve.
521
00:23:38,923 --> 00:23:40,755
Then you put it on a poster
and then you look at it.
522
00:23:40,756 --> 00:23:43,255
And he literally today just,
like, cut out a picture of you
523
00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:44,547
and then put it on his board.
524
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:46,046
Oh, wait a minute. So
you think, what...?
525
00:23:46,047 --> 00:23:47,880
It's like you set an intention,
and then you, like,
526
00:23:47,881 --> 00:23:49,963
you manifest the things
that you want to come true.
527
00:23:49,964 --> 00:23:52,797
- Like The Secret.
- It's The Secret.
528
00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:54,922
I don't want to burst
your bubble, but...
529
00:23:54,923 --> 00:23:56,630
you don't think that's what got me here.
530
00:23:56,631 --> 00:23:57,672
'Cause I... I come here.
531
00:23:57,673 --> 00:23:59,005
- But I came here, too.
- Yeah.
532
00:23:59,006 --> 00:24:01,797
So maybe it moved me to
come here, and maybe...
533
00:24:01,798 --> 00:24:03,630
Maybe it also, maybe plant...
534
00:24:03,631 --> 00:24:05,046
You know, I don't know how it works.
535
00:24:05,047 --> 00:24:07,296
I... I want free will. Do
I have free will still?
536
00:24:07,297 --> 00:24:10,088
I'm not saying I made you leave
your house and come here...
537
00:24:10,089 --> 00:24:12,630
- I know. I get it.
- ...but, you know, the stars align.
538
00:24:12,631 --> 00:24:14,971
Uh, we gotta go. We gotta
go. I appreciate it.
539
00:24:14,972 --> 00:24:17,005
I just want to thank you
for everything you do.
540
00:24:17,006 --> 00:24:18,797
- You got it.
- He's... he, like, wants to...
541
00:24:18,798 --> 00:24:20,213
He's got, like, a sitcom idea.
542
00:24:20,214 --> 00:24:21,463
He, like, wants to do a sitcom.
543
00:24:21,464 --> 00:24:23,296
I do. Well, yeah, that's... that's true.
544
00:24:23,297 --> 00:24:24,755
So it's not just stand-up.
545
00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:26,672
- It's like, what you did, I wanna...
- Yeah.
546
00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:28,630
I have an idea about a guy
547
00:24:28,631 --> 00:24:30,714
who's fed up with the
public schools, right?
548
00:24:30,715 --> 00:24:32,551
And, um, so he pulls his
kids out and he starts
549
00:24:32,552 --> 00:24:34,046
teaching them in his garage.
550
00:24:34,047 --> 00:24:36,088
And then word gets out
'cause he's good at it.
551
00:24:36,089 --> 00:24:37,338
- He's good at it.
- Right.
552
00:24:37,339 --> 00:24:38,505
So then other kids start coming,
553
00:24:38,506 --> 00:24:39,672
and it's called "Holmes School."
554
00:24:39,673 --> 00:24:41,088
His last name is Holmes.
555
00:24:41,089 --> 00:24:43,005
Pete Holmes, like homeschool.
556
00:24:43,006 --> 00:24:44,880
So it's a guy who...
557
00:24:44,881 --> 00:24:48,839
who lures kids into his garage.
558
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,880
Isn't that a Dateline episode?
559
00:24:50,881 --> 00:24:53,255
No, when you put it that
way, it does sound creepy.
560
00:24:53,256 --> 00:24:54,755
I... I teach them.
561
00:24:54,756 --> 00:24:56,505
- Is that a sitcom? Who knows?
- I mean...
562
00:24:56,506 --> 00:24:59,338
You know what? Maybe.
It probably could be.
563
00:24:59,339 --> 00:25:01,088
Put that on your board.
That's what you do.
564
00:25:01,089 --> 00:25:03,547
Take me down, put that
idea on the board,
565
00:25:03,548 --> 00:25:04,880
and then we'll see if it's magic.
566
00:25:04,881 --> 00:25:06,380
Here's the thing. Listen to me.
567
00:25:06,381 --> 00:25:09,132
I wanna give you some advice.
You seem like a funny guy.
568
00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:12,922
Get on stage, man. Be honest,
be funny, be yourself,
569
00:25:12,923 --> 00:25:14,963
and, uh...
570
00:25:14,964 --> 00:25:17,255
if it's supposed to happen,
it's gonna happen.
571
00:25:19,381 --> 00:25:22,505
- What's this?
- Don't. Don't do that.
572
00:25:22,506 --> 00:25:25,130
I'm sorry. I got excited. I got excited.
573
00:25:25,131 --> 00:25:26,797
- We gotta go.
- Thank you.
574
00:25:26,798 --> 00:25:28,880
- It was so nice to talk to you.
- Good luck.
575
00:25:28,881 --> 00:25:30,351
- Thank you.
- I do like the hat, Pete.
576
00:25:30,352 --> 00:25:32,130
- I do like the hat.
- Thank you.
577
00:25:32,131 --> 00:25:34,380
- I think it's "Phil."
- It's Phil, right? Sorry.
578
00:25:54,464 --> 00:25:57,130
Pete, wake up.
579
00:25:58,130 --> 00:26:00,547
Happy four-week-aversary!
580
00:26:00,548 --> 00:26:01,963
I have a surprise. Get up.
581
00:26:01,964 --> 00:26:04,172
- Was I funny?
- You were funny.
582
00:26:05,631 --> 00:26:07,130
Oh, gosh.
583
00:26:08,964 --> 00:26:11,964
- Pete!
- What an alarm.
584
00:26:12,798 --> 00:26:14,380
What do you need?
585
00:26:14,381 --> 00:26:15,798
Come on!
586
00:26:16,506 --> 00:26:18,505
- What are we doing?
- Wait.
587
00:26:18,506 --> 00:26:20,422
- I don't want a knish.
- Wait, wait. Cool.
588
00:26:21,964 --> 00:26:25,296
- There. There.
- What? The bus?
589
00:26:25,297 --> 00:26:27,172
Hold on.
590
00:26:36,492 --> 00:26:37,867
You did that?
591
00:26:41,095 --> 00:26:42,630
Is that everywhere?
592
00:26:42,631 --> 00:26:44,313
It's just that bus.
593
00:26:44,791 --> 00:26:46,125
Just this week.
594
00:26:48,089 --> 00:26:49,547
I don't know what to say.
595
00:26:49,548 --> 00:26:52,505
I wanted to show you
596
00:26:52,506 --> 00:26:54,422
so you would believe in yourself.
597
00:26:54,423 --> 00:26:56,172
Because I believe in you.
598
00:26:59,798 --> 00:27:02,130
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
599
00:27:04,186 --> 00:27:06,685
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
600
00:27:06,686 --> 00:27:08,942
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
601
00:28:18,225 --> 00:28:19,565
This is it?
602
00:28:19,566 --> 00:28:21,734
You ever stayed at a
comedy club condo before?
603
00:28:21,735 --> 00:28:23,505
Looks like an assassin's hideout.
604
00:28:23,506 --> 00:28:25,005
- Look who it is.
- Hey.
605
00:28:25,006 --> 00:28:27,422
What're you? Are you
working this weekend?
606
00:28:28,172 --> 00:28:30,630
I'm not sure how to approach a woman.
607
00:28:30,631 --> 00:28:32,714
Is there anything more
creepy than asking,
608
00:28:32,715 --> 00:28:34,464
"Are we gonna do it missionary?"
609
00:28:35,214 --> 00:28:36,963
I was just wondering if
maybe, I should headline?
610
00:28:36,964 --> 00:28:39,463
Actually, the owner did have
some suggestions for you.
611
00:28:39,464 --> 00:28:41,506
- Just smile more.
- You go to McDonald's, you say,
612
00:28:41,507 --> 00:28:43,755
"Can I make sure that there
are no pickles on my burger?"
613
00:28:43,756 --> 00:28:45,922
It shouldn't be daunting
to say to a woman,
614
00:28:45,923 --> 00:28:48,255
"Hey, can I put my
pickle in your burger?"
45366
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