Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,052 --> 00:00:08,004
Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham.
The capital of British Pakistan.
2
00:00:14,032 --> 00:00:15,072
They all know me.
3
00:00:15,072 --> 00:00:17,036
Do you like my suit?
4
00:00:18,044 --> 00:00:21,064
Number one, Citizen Khan.
5
00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,060
HE SINGS
6
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:29,000
Hello, sir. Hello, Amjad!
What are you doing?
7
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,044
It's the Great Sparkhill Bake Off!
8
00:00:31,044 --> 00:00:34,064
I'm doing a pineapple
inside out cake.
9
00:00:34,064 --> 00:00:36,040
You mean upside down?
10
00:00:39,036 --> 00:00:42,084
Winner gets picture in the paper,
interview with Midlands Today
11
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:47,048
and a special invitation for dinner
at Mr Javed's house. Wow.
12
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,056
Can you imagine me at Mr Javed's
house?
13
00:00:49,056 --> 00:00:51,048
Sitting at his marble dining table,
14
00:00:51,048 --> 00:00:55,008
while he nibbles on my coconut
madeleines?
15
00:00:55,008 --> 00:00:59,024
Sounds amazing. But I thought you
said baking wasn't very manly?
16
00:00:59,024 --> 00:01:01,072
It is the way I do!
17
00:01:01,072 --> 00:01:04,020
DRILL WHIRS
18
00:01:08,044 --> 00:01:12,032
Look at that, eh? I'm bound to win!
Who wouldn't like that?
19
00:01:12,032 --> 00:01:15,052
My mum wouldn't. She doesn't like
pineapples.
20
00:01:15,052 --> 00:01:18,084
Or cherries. Or grapefruit.
Or pomegranate.
21
00:01:18,084 --> 00:01:22,076
Look, Amjad, talk to the hand,
the beard ain't listening.
22
00:01:22,076 --> 00:01:25,068
Nobody cares what your mother likes.
23
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:27,060
I suppose.
24
00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:31,040
Although, she is chairman
of the judges. Oh, twaddi!
25
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:35,024
Maybe she'll like it with cream on.
26
00:01:35,024 --> 00:01:38,028
There we go. Do you want a taste?
27
00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:41,004
I shouldn't. I'm watching my figure.
28
00:01:41,004 --> 00:01:45,008
Come on. It won't make you fat,
it's very light and fluffy.
29
00:01:45,008 --> 00:01:47,040
Oh, go on, then!
30
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,080
SAW WHIRS
31
00:02:03,064 --> 00:02:05,056
Here we are!
32
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:17,056
Kitchen table's broken again.
33
00:02:17,056 --> 00:02:20,056
You promised you weren't going to
enter any more competitions.
34
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,076
Not after last year's
Curry Challenge.
35
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:27,080
Even now, poor Mrs Anwar can't be
more than 20 feet from a lavatory.
36
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,088
That's what happens when you use
an Indian recipe by mistake!
37
00:02:32,024 --> 00:02:35,016
Hello, sweetie. Do you want to try
my back to front cake?
38
00:02:35,016 --> 00:02:39,012
No, thanks. I'm not hungry.
Are you OK? You don't look well.
39
00:02:39,012 --> 00:02:42,068
I'm fine. What time did you get in
last night? Can't remember.
40
00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:45,080
You were out late again.
Papaji said I could.
41
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,088
She was at the mosque.
All-night prayers.
42
00:02:54,016 --> 00:02:57,048
Look at the state of her.
It's hard work being that good.
43
00:02:58,048 --> 00:03:01,012
She is mixing with the wrong crowd.
44
00:03:01,012 --> 00:03:03,012
You mean her study group?
45
00:03:03,012 --> 00:03:06,028
You need to meet some nicer people.
More sensible. Reliable.
46
00:03:06,028 --> 00:03:08,052
You mean boring? No, thanks.
47
00:03:08,052 --> 00:03:13,000
There's a Pakistani singles party
today, at the community centre.
48
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,052
What? It's just a chance for busy
young people to get together.
49
00:03:16,052 --> 00:03:20,028
No way! Sweetie, I don't think
it's right to interfere
50
00:03:20,028 --> 00:03:22,036
in Alia's personal life.
51
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:25,012
When the time is right,
she should have a choice.
52
00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:28,064
Either Mr Javed's son the doctor. Or
Mr Javed's other son the accountant.
53
00:03:30,028 --> 00:03:35,016
I've already paid the fee. What? Why
don't you just give it a chance, beti?
54
00:03:35,016 --> 00:03:39,092
Why can't you just leave me alone?
I feel sick. I'm going back to bed.
55
00:03:39,092 --> 00:03:42,068
Well, if she's not going, we'll have
to go for her. We?
56
00:03:42,068 --> 00:03:45,044
I'm not going on my own.
What about my cake?
57
00:03:45,044 --> 00:03:47,044
I'll get started for you, sir.
58
00:03:47,044 --> 00:03:50,032
We could make a lemon drizzle cake?
That's my mummy's favourite.
59
00:03:50,032 --> 00:03:52,088
What are the ingredients? Lemons...
60
00:03:54,012 --> 00:03:56,008
...and drizzle!
61
00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:07,076
Now, just be nice, write down their
details and try not to put them off!
62
00:04:07,076 --> 00:04:09,080
What? How could I put them off?
63
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,000
HE HAWKS
64
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,000
Oh, hello... Haroon. Hello.
65
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,012
We are here on behalf of
our daughter.
66
00:04:19,012 --> 00:04:20,092
Her name is Alia...
67
00:04:20,092 --> 00:04:24,020
That's with an A, as in
"Apple of our eyes"...
68
00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:27,020
and Khan. That's with a K.
69
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:30,004
As in, "Keep your filthy hands
off my daughter!"
70
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:38,024
I don't know what it is, but there's
something about you I really like.
71
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,064
No, thank you!
72
00:04:44,064 --> 00:04:47,068
So, Iqbal, can you tell us
anything about yourself?
73
00:04:48,096 --> 00:04:52,004
Anything at all? What sort
of things do you like?
74
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,088
There must be something. Come on...
75
00:04:58,008 --> 00:05:00,020
I suppose I mainly like big boobies.
76
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,044
Hi. Hi. How's it going?
Not very well.
77
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:14,092
Same here.
My parents insisted I came.
78
00:05:14,092 --> 00:05:17,056
Much rather be at home
watching the cricket!
79
00:05:17,056 --> 00:05:19,028
Not found your type yet?
80
00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:23,004
Oh, to be honest, I don't think there's
much chance I'll find MY type here.
81
00:05:23,004 --> 00:05:25,036
I know what you mean.
82
00:05:25,036 --> 00:05:29,024
Nice beard, by the way. Thanks.
83
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,096
OK, let's cut to the chase...
84
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:33,024
I'm looking for a young man.
85
00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:35,044
Wow. OK.
86
00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:38,044
You could be just what I need. Right.
87
00:05:38,044 --> 00:05:42,048
Well, you know. I mean,
I feel the same.
88
00:05:42,048 --> 00:05:46,012
Excellent. Write your name down
on here. OK. Old school.
89
00:05:47,064 --> 00:05:52,056
That's it. There you go. And what
about you? What's your name?
90
00:05:52,056 --> 00:05:56,024
Mr Khan. Community leader.
They all know me. I bet they do.
91
00:05:57,032 --> 00:06:00,024
So, shall we go somewhere now,
or...?
92
00:06:00,024 --> 00:06:05,000
Wow. You're keen! I suppose we could
go back to my place. Really?
93
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:09,004
Get to know each other, who knows
where that might lead?
94
00:06:09,004 --> 00:06:11,072
I'm just waiting for my wife.
Your wife?!
95
00:06:11,072 --> 00:06:14,080
Yeah, she's helping me find someone.
OK, listen, I'm not really...
96
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:18,080
Don't worry! There's no pressure.
It's a free choice.
97
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,020
We're a very modern family.
98
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:25,032
No kidding. You're sure your
wife doesn't mind? It was her idea!
99
00:06:25,032 --> 00:06:28,092
Right, I think I've got four or
five possibles... There's no need.
100
00:06:28,092 --> 00:06:30,096
I've found the one.
101
00:06:30,096 --> 00:06:35,020
He's perfect. Alia's going to
love him. Who's Alia?
102
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,080
My daughter. Why do you think I
needed a man?
103
00:06:38,092 --> 00:06:40,076
WE HAVE TO GO! Hai hai!
104
00:06:42,064 --> 00:06:44,028
Call me!
105
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,084
Why don't you at least meet one
of them? No. Just leave me alone.
106
00:06:53,028 --> 00:06:56,032
She won't even meet them.
Tell her how nice they were.
107
00:06:56,032 --> 00:06:59,008
That bunch of lemons!
None of them were suitable!
108
00:06:59,008 --> 00:07:02,076
I'm not going out with some greasy-haired
dork with glasses who works in IT!
109
00:07:02,076 --> 00:07:04,012
They're not all like that.
110
00:07:04,012 --> 00:07:08,092
Look, this one works in data
management. Oh, my God!
111
00:07:08,092 --> 00:07:12,076
Are the swimming towels in here?
I'm going to my room.
112
00:07:12,076 --> 00:07:18,008
What's going on? Your sister's upset because your
mother wants her to be friends with some nerds.
113
00:07:18,008 --> 00:07:20,000
Why don't you just leave her alone?
114
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:24,068
Because she's got to buck her ideas up and
start mixing with a better class of person!
115
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:27,040
She's fine. Isn't she, Shazia?
'Course she is!
116
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,024
Anyway, she's already got a
boyfriend.
117
00:07:29,024 --> 00:07:30,096
What?
118
00:07:32,024 --> 00:07:34,040
I mean... She's got a boyfriend?!
119
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:38,036
Maybe. She might have. I'm not sure.
120
00:07:38,036 --> 00:07:41,056
Shazia, Alia hasn't got
a boyfriend,
121
00:07:41,056 --> 00:07:44,040
she doesn't even talk to boys!
122
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,044
Except at the ones at her mosque
study group. Oh, my God!
123
00:07:47,044 --> 00:07:52,044
It's probably some big, smelly biker
covered in tattoos!
124
00:07:52,044 --> 00:07:54,084
Sweetie, you're over reacting.
125
00:07:54,084 --> 00:07:56,048
Alia is a good girl.
126
00:07:56,048 --> 00:07:58,092
I'm sure this is all very innocent.
127
00:07:58,092 --> 00:08:05,012
Now, Shazia, this friend who is a
boy/boyfriend,
128
00:08:05,012 --> 00:08:08,044
is it someone who works at
the mosque? No.
129
00:08:08,044 --> 00:08:12,024
The library? I don't think so.
So, where does he work?
130
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,092
The pub.
131
00:08:16,012 --> 00:08:18,068
The pub? Oh, my God!
132
00:08:18,068 --> 00:08:20,056
Nice pub?
133
00:08:20,056 --> 00:08:23,048
The Rat and Shotgun on
Boulders Lane.
134
00:08:23,048 --> 00:08:25,064
Oh, my God.
135
00:08:25,064 --> 00:08:29,000
Calm down, my darling.
That doesn't mean anything.
136
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,080
Lots of perfectly respectable
people go to pubs.
137
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,092
The imam and I once shared an orange
and passion fruit J2O
138
00:08:35,092 --> 00:08:38,088
in the Mucky Ducky in Acocks Green.
139
00:08:38,088 --> 00:08:43,012
I don't think he's an imam. But he's
not what your mother said, huh?
140
00:08:43,012 --> 00:08:45,096
A smelly biker covered
in tattoos? No.
141
00:08:45,096 --> 00:08:48,076
I mean, he's probably not smelly.
142
00:08:48,076 --> 00:08:52,052
And they don't call them tattoos
now, it's more like body art.
143
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:55,088
You like art. Don't you, sweetie?
144
00:08:57,012 --> 00:09:02,000
Does he have a name, this sweet
smelling biker with body art?
145
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,092
I think he's called Scab?
146
00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:09,096
Hai hai! Please, Shazia, just
tell me one thing.
147
00:09:09,096 --> 00:09:14,012
This smelly biker covered in
tattoos, is he Pakistani?
148
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,032
Of course he's not Pakistani,
you idiot!
149
00:09:16,032 --> 00:09:18,048
Does Scab sound like a Pakistani
name to you?
150
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:22,080
What are we going to do?
I'm going to take Naani swimming!
151
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:27,060
Someone is just going to have to go to the
pub and tell this Scab to stop seeing Alia.
152
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:30,004
But Boulders Green is dangerous!
153
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:34,052
Without armoured support vehicles
it'll be suicide!
154
00:09:34,052 --> 00:09:36,008
Take someone with you, then!
155
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:39,064
Where am I going to find somebody
stupid enough to come with me?
156
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,040
I can't find a recipe
for drizzle, sir!
157
00:09:47,056 --> 00:09:49,048
Amjad, fancy a pint?
158
00:09:56,072 --> 00:10:01,088
MUSIC: Paranoid by Black Sabbath.
159
00:10:04,084 --> 00:10:07,024
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
160
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,056
Assalam aleikum.
161
00:10:13,032 --> 00:10:15,080
Maybe I should wait in the car?
162
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,020
Amjad! I need you!
163
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:22,076
What for? In case it all kicks off.
164
00:10:22,076 --> 00:10:26,024
I'm not allowed to make arrests
while I'm off duty, sir.
165
00:10:26,024 --> 00:10:28,016
I don't need you to arrest them,
166
00:10:28,016 --> 00:10:30,060
just give them someone to punch
while I get away.
167
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:32,032
Oh, right.
168
00:10:33,052 --> 00:10:35,016
Wait, what?
169
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:40,048
Hello, Mr Waiter. We're looking for
someone called Scab?
170
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:44,096
LOUD CHEERS
171
00:10:45,096 --> 00:10:48,000
Oh, God.
172
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,064
Not him. Him.
173
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:59,088
I haven't seen this many beards
since Friday prayers.
174
00:11:03,008 --> 00:11:04,052
MR KHAN HAWKS
175
00:11:04,052 --> 00:11:08,028
Oh, hiya. The changing room's just round
there. If you follow me, I'll show you. What?
176
00:11:08,028 --> 00:11:10,036
Aren't you the act? What act?
177
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,052
For the Eurovision night.
I'm guessing you're Conchita?
178
00:11:16,036 --> 00:11:19,080
I'm Mr Khan, community leader.
They all know me! You're Alia's dad!
179
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,052
There you go. Oh, I'm so sorry.
And so you should be.
180
00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:27,028
Now, listen to me, young Scabby, me and you need
to have little chitty chatty. Yeah, of course!
181
00:11:27,028 --> 00:11:30,044
May I just say what an absolute
honour it is to meet you, sir.
182
00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:32,016
Is it?
183
00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:33,060
Alia's told me all about you.
184
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,052
Has she? Oh, yes. You are a
legend in Sparkhill.
185
00:11:36,052 --> 00:11:38,088
Am I?
186
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:40,096
So, what do you want to chat about?
187
00:11:40,096 --> 00:11:45,020
Oh, yes. Now, are you or are you
not Alia's boyfriend?
188
00:11:45,020 --> 00:11:47,000
Yes. Ah, don't try to deny it!
189
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,024
No, I'm not! I mean, yes, I am
her boyfriend. Ah-ha!
190
00:11:50,024 --> 00:11:53,040
I mean, we like each other
and we hang out together.
191
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:57,056
With other people though, cos obviously I
know it's a sensitive area. It is a bit.
192
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:03,044
OK, I've heard enough. You can't see
Alia any more. What? Why?
193
00:12:03,044 --> 00:12:05,024
Because Mrs Khan told...
194
00:12:06,096 --> 00:12:09,048
I'm sorry, but that's just the
way it is.
195
00:12:09,048 --> 00:12:11,068
I see.
196
00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:13,092
Well, we should probably be going.
197
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,000
Hey, hang on. Is it because
I'm not Muslim?
198
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,004
Yes! That's it. Not Muslim.
199
00:12:21,004 --> 00:12:23,040
We lot are a bit funny about that,
you see.
200
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,064
Well, then, that's fine,
because I'm converting. What?
201
00:12:26,064 --> 00:12:28,028
Yeah, I'm converting to Islam.
202
00:12:28,028 --> 00:12:30,048
I've been thinking about it for
ages, actually.
203
00:12:30,048 --> 00:12:32,088
I've read the Koran, done loads
of research
204
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:35,016
and I go to the mosque all the time.
Good for you.
205
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:39,052
So, everything's fine then, yeah?
206
00:12:39,052 --> 00:12:44,000
No. You're not Pakistani and there's
no conversion course for that.
207
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,080
Right. I mean, I have
been to Pakistan.
208
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,080
Yeah. I spent a year there with
this charity I work for.
209
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:55,020
My Pakistani name is Amjad.
That's my Pakistani name!
210
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:59,012
Look, Mr Khan, if I could maybe come
home with you? Speak to Mrs Khan?
211
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,084
I wouldn't recommend that.
212
00:13:01,088 --> 00:13:04,016
I do like Alia ever such a lot.
213
00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:09,052
No! Look, Scabby, you seem
like a nice boy,
214
00:13:09,052 --> 00:13:13,068
but I haven't got time for this, I've got to get to
the Cash and Carry and work out how to make a...
215
00:13:13,068 --> 00:13:17,092
Lemon drizzle cake. ...Before Mrs
Mary Berry bloomin' Malik turns up.
216
00:13:17,092 --> 00:13:20,076
Oh, it's easy. It's just milk,
sugar, eggs, flour, baking powder
217
00:13:20,076 --> 00:13:23,004
and lemons. But you only use
the zest.
218
00:13:25,016 --> 00:13:27,048
I'm a chef.
219
00:13:27,048 --> 00:13:29,084
Fine. Meet me at my house
at four o'clock.
220
00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:31,044
Come on.
221
00:13:38,048 --> 00:13:40,064
Please, come on through.
222
00:13:40,064 --> 00:13:44,064
I must say, I was surprised to hear
that Mrs Khan had entered...
223
00:13:44,064 --> 00:13:47,056
having tasted her gulab jamuns!
224
00:13:47,056 --> 00:13:49,060
It's not her. Oh?
225
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:52,016
It's me. Oh.
226
00:13:52,016 --> 00:13:55,020
Well, let's get it over with.
Right, OK.
227
00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:57,040
Here's one for you,
228
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,012
and one for you... Thanks.
229
00:14:00,012 --> 00:14:02,032
One for you.
230
00:14:04,088 --> 00:14:08,048
There's no cake. Don't worry.
It'll be arriving any...
231
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,092
It'll be ready any minute.
232
00:14:10,092 --> 00:14:15,020
Timing is so important in baking,
don't you agree?
233
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,096
Nobody likes a soggy bottom,
do they?
234
00:14:19,068 --> 00:14:21,032
I don't need to tell you.
235
00:14:21,032 --> 00:14:22,088
HE HAWKS
236
00:14:22,088 --> 00:14:26,036
What cake is it?
I'm doing a lemon drizzle cake.
237
00:14:26,036 --> 00:14:29,016
Oh! Well, that's my favourite.
238
00:14:29,016 --> 00:14:31,072
Is it? Is it, really?
239
00:14:31,072 --> 00:14:34,024
I had no idea.
240
00:14:34,024 --> 00:14:36,044
Is it your favourite cake, as well?
241
00:14:36,044 --> 00:14:38,024
No.
242
00:14:38,024 --> 00:14:40,060
How did you become a judge anyway?
I applied.
243
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:43,004
What qualifications have you got?
244
00:14:43,004 --> 00:14:44,060
Fair enough.
245
00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:48,036
I'm sure that between us we'll
be able to come to a fair decision.
246
00:14:48,036 --> 00:14:53,088
Of course, of course. And I'm
sure you're going to love it.
247
00:14:53,088 --> 00:14:58,048
You know, I used an ancient Khan
family recipe.
248
00:14:58,048 --> 00:15:00,092
For lemon drizzle cake?
Oh, yes.
249
00:15:00,092 --> 00:15:05,040
It's my great-great-great-great-great
grandmother's.
250
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,048
We thought we'd lost it, but then
I rediscovered it.
251
00:15:09,048 --> 00:15:11,052
Wow. Where did you find it?
252
00:15:11,052 --> 00:15:14,036
On the internet.
253
00:15:14,036 --> 00:15:18,012
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
It must be prayer time!
254
00:15:18,012 --> 00:15:21,092
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
255
00:15:21,092 --> 00:15:26,040
Is everything all right?
Yes, of course.
256
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,052
She loves her prayers!
257
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:32,020
Sweetie! The Bake Off judges!
Never mind about that. Look at this!
258
00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:36,008
Yes, so? It's a pregnancy tester.
Yes, so?
259
00:15:36,008 --> 00:15:38,024
It's positive!
260
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,012
You mean? Exactly.
261
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:42,084
We're having another baby?!
262
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:46,092
It's not mine, you bewakoof!
I found it in the bathroom.
263
00:15:46,092 --> 00:15:50,084
Oh, God. Not Naani!
264
00:15:52,048 --> 00:15:55,024
I didn't think that was even
possible. It's not Naani.
265
00:15:55,024 --> 00:15:57,028
Don't be ridiculous. Then who?
266
00:15:58,032 --> 00:16:03,028
Not Alia? Yes. No. Haan.
It can't be.
267
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:06,024
Just think about it.
She's been under the weather. So?
268
00:16:06,024 --> 00:16:10,012
She's been off her food, feeling
sick! That doesn't mean anything!
269
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:13,028
And she's got that secret
biker boyfriend! I don't believe it!
270
00:16:13,028 --> 00:16:16,084
You better believe it!
Not my sweet Alia!
271
00:16:16,084 --> 00:16:20,048
She would have told me, she always
tells me everything.
272
00:16:20,048 --> 00:16:23,040
Right, then you can go and ask her.
273
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,016
What? Oh, twaddi!
274
00:16:27,072 --> 00:16:33,008
So, these are my new blonde highlights, which I
did with a home colouring kit in the bathroom.
275
00:16:33,008 --> 00:16:38,072
And here's my top tip: always dye
your hair when your parents are out.
276
00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:43,040
Because if you get caught,
it'll be embarrassing! Shame.
277
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,008
MR KHAN HAWKS
278
00:16:45,008 --> 00:16:48,028
Alia, sweetie?
I'll talk to you later!
279
00:16:53,088 --> 00:16:57,096
Hello, beti! Hi, Papaji.
280
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,064
Did you want to talk to me
about something?
281
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:06,080
No, I was just passing through.
282
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:09,080
Do you want to come in?
Yeah, why not?
283
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:13,012
Might as well come in and keep
you company, now I'm here.
284
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,032
How are you feeling? All right.
285
00:17:17,032 --> 00:17:21,076
Not feeling sick at all? No. That was
just in the morning.
286
00:17:21,076 --> 00:17:23,064
I'm fine now.
287
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:29,044
Right. That's good.
288
00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:32,036
Beti, your mother and I were
wondering,
289
00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:35,028
is there something you might
want to tell us?
290
00:17:35,028 --> 00:17:36,064
No.
291
00:17:36,064 --> 00:17:42,092
Something that may have happened recently
that might be a bit embarrassing?
292
00:17:42,092 --> 00:17:44,072
No...
293
00:17:44,072 --> 00:17:47,000
Something that you've done?
294
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:53,008
Something that a good Pakistani
Muslim girl shouldn't have done?
295
00:17:53,008 --> 00:17:55,048
Um...
296
00:17:56,052 --> 00:18:01,012
It's just that your mother found
something in the bathroom. Oh.
297
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:06,004
Is it yours?
It's OK, you can tell me.
298
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:07,084
I won't be cross.
299
00:18:07,084 --> 00:18:11,012
Yeah, it's mine.
300
00:18:11,012 --> 00:18:15,000
No! Alia, my little baby!
301
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,072
I was going to tell you.
302
00:18:16,072 --> 00:18:18,060
Oh, God!
303
00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:20,036
I was just trying it out.
304
00:18:20,036 --> 00:18:24,028
But you are my best daughter.
How could you do this?
305
00:18:24,028 --> 00:18:28,032
I just wanted to see what
it would be like.
306
00:18:28,032 --> 00:18:32,000
Sweetie, we all get curious about it,
307
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,064
but these things have consequences.
308
00:18:34,064 --> 00:18:36,084
Is it really such a big deal,
though?
309
00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:38,048
Yes!
310
00:18:38,048 --> 00:18:40,084
Only... I quite like it.
311
00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:42,032
No!
312
00:18:42,032 --> 00:18:44,084
I mean, I'm definitely going
to do it again.
313
00:18:44,084 --> 00:18:46,056
Hai hai!
314
00:18:46,056 --> 00:18:50,044
Only next time, I'll probably want
a different colour. Oh, my God!
315
00:18:55,032 --> 00:19:00,028
Well? She's definitely pregnant.
With the first one! What?
316
00:19:00,028 --> 00:19:03,052
Well, let's just say, by the time
she's finished it'll be like
317
00:19:03,052 --> 00:19:06,020
the United Colours of Benetton
around here.
318
00:19:08,044 --> 00:19:11,032
Oh, my God! She's gone completely
off the rails.
319
00:19:11,032 --> 00:19:14,032
What are we going to do?
I just don't understand.
320
00:19:14,032 --> 00:19:18,084
Why and how did this happen?
It must be that greasy biker, Scab!
321
00:19:18,084 --> 00:19:21,072
Do you know what this means?
She'll be ruined!
322
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:25,040
And what about all our hopes for
her university, her career?
323
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,036
She was going to be Sparkhill's
first female imam.
324
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,004
Well, that's not happening. She
might still get away with it.
325
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,084
They've got a creche.
326
00:19:34,084 --> 00:19:39,048
OK. First, we have to make sure that that
Scab creature is out of the picture. Right.
327
00:19:39,048 --> 00:19:42,080
But that's OK, because you got
rid of him, didn't you?
328
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,000
Oh, yes.
329
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,036
You did get rid of him?
Of course.
330
00:19:47,036 --> 00:19:50,056
I told him never to darken
our doorstep again.
331
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,076
HE HAWKS
332
00:19:52,076 --> 00:19:54,052
DOORBELL RINGS
333
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,016
Who's that? I don't know.
334
00:20:00,004 --> 00:20:03,092
Well, aren't you going to answer it?
Yes. Well, go on, then!
335
00:20:03,092 --> 00:20:06,028
In a minute, there's no rush.
336
00:20:07,048 --> 00:20:12,012
What? I mean, we never get a chance
to chat like this, do we?
337
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,044
It seems a shame to interrupt it!
338
00:20:15,044 --> 00:20:17,084
Is there anything you'd like to
talk about, sweetie?
339
00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:19,036
DOORBELL RINGS
340
00:20:19,036 --> 00:20:22,060
Answer the door! OK, I'm going!
341
00:20:33,076 --> 00:20:36,076
Hai! Oh, hi! Your mother-in-law
let me in.
342
00:20:36,076 --> 00:20:39,008
What are you doing letting strangers
into the house?
343
00:20:39,008 --> 00:20:42,012
He's not stranger.
He's my swimming instructor!
344
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:50,024
What? Yeah, I teach aqua aerobics for
the elderly at the leisure centre.
345
00:20:50,024 --> 00:20:53,008
I think it's important to help
older people keep active.
346
00:20:53,008 --> 00:20:55,052
You're really starting to annoy me.
347
00:20:58,052 --> 00:21:01,000
I brought your cake!
Oh, yes. Thanks.
348
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,076
Now, you have to leave. What? No. I was
thinking, maybe I could speak with Mrs Khan?
349
00:21:04,076 --> 00:21:07,068
Definitely not! I just want to show
her how much I have to give Alia.
350
00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:09,052
You've given her enough already.
351
00:21:10,056 --> 00:21:14,044
Maybe if I spoke to her, told her
how I feel? She's not here. Eh?
352
00:21:14,044 --> 00:21:17,088
There was an emergency. She had
to go out. Oh, where to?
353
00:21:17,088 --> 00:21:20,088
World of Sofas.
We ran out of scatter cushions.
354
00:21:21,088 --> 00:21:25,040
Who ran out of cushions? Hai!
Hi. Who's this?
355
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,092
I don't know. Mrs Khan, I'm Scab.
A friend of Alia's.
356
00:21:28,092 --> 00:21:32,072
Oh, my God! Yes. Oh, my God!
357
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:36,056
What's he doing here?
Mr Khan invited me.
358
00:21:40,064 --> 00:21:43,092
You know what it's like when you
go to the pub, sweetie!
359
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:48,048
Have a couple of Fantas and a
Cherryade chaser,
360
00:21:48,048 --> 00:21:51,060
you're making friends with
all kinds of people!
361
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:54,028
I told you to keep him away from
our daughter
362
00:21:54,028 --> 00:21:57,000
and you invited him to our house?
363
00:21:58,064 --> 00:22:02,048
I think you better leave. But what
about Alia? I really care for her!
364
00:22:04,068 --> 00:22:08,064
Sweetie, maybe we've been a
little bit hasty, huh?
365
00:22:08,064 --> 00:22:10,096
What? Scabby seems like a good boy.
366
00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:14,004
Maybe he is the right for Alia,
after all?
367
00:22:14,004 --> 00:22:16,084
But he's not Muslim. Or Pakistani.
368
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:19,040
He's converting. Aren't you? Yeah.
369
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,096
And he's lived in Pakistan.
His Pakistani name is Amjad!
370
00:22:24,036 --> 00:22:27,044
Ha, yeah. And next you'll be
telling me he speaks Urdu(!)
371
00:22:27,044 --> 00:22:29,092
HE SPEAKS URDU
372
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:35,076
See?!
373
00:22:35,076 --> 00:22:39,088
He does seem nice! You're not
at all like how I imagined.
374
00:22:39,088 --> 00:22:41,080
Scab sounds so rough.
375
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,024
Yeah, well, that's actually
from when I was little.
376
00:22:44,024 --> 00:22:46,052
I was always falling over and
getting scabby knees.
377
00:22:46,052 --> 00:22:49,084
So, my mum called me Scabby once
and it just kind of stuck.
378
00:22:49,084 --> 00:22:53,056
My real name's Richard.
Oh, that's much better.
379
00:22:53,056 --> 00:22:56,088
I have to say, you're not quite how I
imagined, either. What do you mean?
380
00:22:56,088 --> 00:23:01,076
Well, the way Mr Khan described you, I thought
you were going to be an absolute dragon!
381
00:23:03,072 --> 00:23:06,060
I just got to check on the judges!
382
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:13,044
Everything OK? Finally! I can't watch
this man eating crisps any longer.
383
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,360
I told you to keep your eyes shut.
384
00:23:18,068 --> 00:23:22,020
Where have you been? I've been
sprinkling drizzle on my cake.
385
00:23:22,020 --> 00:23:25,004
For ten minutes?
I've got a lot of drizzle.
386
00:23:26,016 --> 00:23:30,072
Where is it then? Oh, twaddi. I left
it in... the oven.
387
00:23:30,072 --> 00:23:33,060
The kitchen's this way.
This is a short cut!
388
00:23:34,084 --> 00:23:36,060
SHE LAUGHS
389
00:23:36,060 --> 00:23:39,016
How are you getting on?
Oh, very well.
390
00:23:39,016 --> 00:23:41,068
I don't know what you were
worrying about.
391
00:23:41,068 --> 00:23:45,020
What are you doing here?
Oh, hey. Your dad invited me.
392
00:23:45,020 --> 00:23:48,064
We just wanted you to be
closer together.
393
00:23:48,064 --> 00:23:51,000
That's close enough!
394
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,088
What's going on? We're getting to
know your boyfriend.
395
00:23:53,088 --> 00:23:55,060
How do you know he's my boyfriend?
396
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:59,024
We're your parents, Alia.
We instinctively know these things.
397
00:24:00,068 --> 00:24:03,044
Plus, Shazia told us.
398
00:24:03,044 --> 00:24:08,028
Oh, what! We think Scabby here's
very nice. Such a nice young man.
399
00:24:08,028 --> 00:24:11,000
So, you're not bothered about
what the neighbours will think?
400
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,052
Shazia and Amjad?
They'll be fine with it!
401
00:24:14,068 --> 00:24:17,028
Or the ladies at the mosque?
Or Mrs Malik?
402
00:24:17,028 --> 00:24:19,084
Who cares what Mrs Malik thinks?!
403
00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:22,048
Hello? Don't come in!
404
00:24:22,048 --> 00:24:25,088
We can't hang around any longer.
405
00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:27,032
Who's this?
406
00:24:27,032 --> 00:24:29,044
He's my boyfriend. What?
407
00:24:29,044 --> 00:24:32,052
No, not her boyfriend actually.
408
00:24:32,052 --> 00:24:35,016
Her fiance. What? What?
409
00:24:36,020 --> 00:24:39,080
That's right, they're getting
married!
410
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:44,052
We're not getting married!
Yes, you are! Congratulations!
411
00:24:44,052 --> 00:24:48,000
No need to ask what they've
been getting up to then.
412
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,096
Oh, where are you going? Mr Khan,
I'm sorry. I can't get married.
413
00:24:50,096 --> 00:24:54,000
Why not? You've done everything else.
414
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,084
What's going on? Alia's getting
married. What? Who to?
415
00:24:57,084 --> 00:25:01,064
NAANI: My swimming instructor.
Papaji?
416
00:25:01,064 --> 00:25:05,084
It's OK, beti. Your mother
and I forgive you.
417
00:25:05,084 --> 00:25:07,020
What for?
418
00:25:07,020 --> 00:25:10,028
You know, the thing we found
in the bathroom.
419
00:25:10,028 --> 00:25:13,092
That's why I have to get married?
Haan!
420
00:25:13,092 --> 00:25:15,064
Well, I missed that meeting!
421
00:25:16,064 --> 00:25:19,044
I knew it! She's pregnant.
422
00:25:19,044 --> 00:25:21,004
What?!
423
00:25:21,004 --> 00:25:23,072
Yeah, what?
Please, don't tell anyone.
424
00:25:23,072 --> 00:25:27,068
Hold on. I'm not pregnant.
That's right. She's not pregnant.
425
00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:31,036
And that's our story
and we're sticking to it.
426
00:25:31,036 --> 00:25:34,048
Riaz, You need to book the mosque
next week, huh?
427
00:25:34,048 --> 00:25:38,028
I can't say I'm surprised,
this family is a disgrace.
428
00:25:38,028 --> 00:25:40,092
You've brought shame on
the whole community!
429
00:25:42,036 --> 00:25:47,028
All right, that's enough! We've got
nothing to be ashamed of!
430
00:25:47,028 --> 00:25:50,096
OK, so my good daughter might have
got herself knocked up
431
00:25:50,096 --> 00:25:53,012
by some bloke she met in the pub.
432
00:25:53,012 --> 00:25:58,072
And, yes, he may not be Pakistani, but
he's a good boy and he cares for her.
433
00:25:58,072 --> 00:26:01,092
And the important thing is he's
converting!
434
00:26:01,092 --> 00:26:05,084
Riaz, we're going to have to book him in
for the snippy-snippy next week, too!
435
00:26:06,088 --> 00:26:09,052
But Papaji, really -
I'm not pregnant.
436
00:26:09,052 --> 00:26:14,008
Yes, you are! You know, the
embarrassing thing you did...
437
00:26:14,008 --> 00:26:16,040
You mean, dying my hair?
438
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,052
What?
439
00:26:19,052 --> 00:26:23,000
I dyed my hair in the bathroom.
It's Tahitian Sunrise.
440
00:26:24,016 --> 00:26:27,076
But what about the morning sickness? I ate
one of your practice cakes last night!
441
00:26:27,076 --> 00:26:29,088
It was horrible.
442
00:26:31,036 --> 00:26:34,072
But then how do you explain this?
It's not mine.
443
00:26:34,072 --> 00:26:36,032
Well, it's not mine.
444
00:26:36,032 --> 00:26:38,044
Don't look at me!
445
00:26:38,044 --> 00:26:40,032
I try not to!
446
00:26:41,044 --> 00:26:43,056
It's mine. What?
447
00:26:43,056 --> 00:26:45,052
I did the test round here earlier.
448
00:26:45,052 --> 00:26:48,092
I wanted to be sure, before I
told everyone!
449
00:26:48,092 --> 00:26:50,084
So...
450
00:26:50,084 --> 00:26:52,068
What?
451
00:26:53,092 --> 00:26:58,024
YOU'RE having another baby?
Yes! And so are you!
452
00:26:58,024 --> 00:27:00,032
OH!
453
00:27:01,032 --> 00:27:04,024
I'm going to be a granny again!
454
00:27:04,024 --> 00:27:06,048
In your face!
455
00:27:10,032 --> 00:27:13,080
It's my grandchild, too! Oh, yes.
Sorry.
456
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,064
I mean, congratulations!
457
00:27:16,064 --> 00:27:20,024
Oh, how about some lemon
drizzle cake?
458
00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:28,036
It's absolutely disgusting!
459
00:27:28,036 --> 00:27:29,084
I thought you said you were a chef?
460
00:27:29,084 --> 00:27:31,084
I never said I was any good!
461
00:27:31,134 --> 00:27:35,684
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37247
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
