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Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham -
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00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:07,260
the capital of British Pakistan.
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They all know me.
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00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:16,300
Do you like my suit?
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00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:19,900
Number one - Citizen Khan.
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I don't see why
WE have to look after him.
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Oh, stop it, he won't be
any trouble.
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He'll need feeding and we'll have to
take him for walks in the park.
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Ah, choo-cooey!
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And I hope he's not making
a mess in my Mercedes!
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He won't be any trouble -
will you, shweetu?
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No, Auntie.
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There, see!
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00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,740
Why couldn't your cousins take him
with them on holiday?
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I hope your parents are having
a nice time.
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00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:49,940
I was thinking of going away
somewhere too.
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Good idea.
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Oh, you mean together?
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Of course together!
Maybe we could go cruising.
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00:00:57,980 --> 00:00:59,380
Cruising? Why not?
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I'm not sure cruising is legal
in Sparkhill any more, sweetie.
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Oh, twaddi. Where are we? This isn't
the way back to Birmingham.
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What does the map say?
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I don't know. This map's no good.
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Why? What's wrong with it?
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It's from 1974.
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Everything's changed since then.
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No, it hasn't.
Just a few more mosques, that's all.
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I'll just go and ask someone.
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Salaam aleikum, excuse me!
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What?
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Hey. I hope you're wearing
two pairs of socks.
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In case you get
a hole in one. Ha-ha-ha!
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KHAN HAWKS
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Right. I wonder
if you could help me.
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We're a bit lost, can you point us
in the right direction?
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Where are you from?
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Birmingham. No. I mean,
where are you REALLY from?
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Sparkhill.
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You need the A45.
Birmingham's that way.
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That way? Are you sure? That way?
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OK. Thank you! Thank you! Hole in one, eh!
HE HAWKS
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CAR DOOR SHUTS
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ENGINE STARTS
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HORN TOOTS
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What are you doing?
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You can't drive on a golf course,
are you mad?
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Just enjoy the view, look at that!
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We'll be home any minute.
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There's so much land here,
they could build a few apartments!
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Hi, Papaji! I'm just going out.
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Where are you going?
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I've got my Islamic tutor today,
remember?
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Vah! Such a good girl.
Well, you can see him later.
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First, you're going to help me
get my new business off the ground.
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I've got a revolutionary idea that's
going to transform the high street.
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What is it?
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A chicken shop!
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A new franchise has opened up.
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I'm going to be
a restaurant entrepreneur.
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I'll be Birmingham's very own
Marco Pierre Brown!
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You mean... I've got to do work?
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00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:07,860
Work is fun, sweetie.
The whole family's going to chip in.
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"Chip" in!
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You see, we're having fun already,
aren't we?
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Yeah.
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Right, let's check the staff rota...
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Now, you'll help behind the counter
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and Naani is going
to be the waitress.
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A waitress?
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What's the problem?
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She's got bunions.
She can't stand up all day.
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I've already thought of that.
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Look at this.
A remote control wheelchair, you see?
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I've created the first ever
robo-waitress!
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Thank you.
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Now, squash for Faraz.
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Oh, not that way!
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Idiot!
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Obviously it's a prototype, there's
bound to be a few teething troubles.
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Argh!
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Stop! It's OK.
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Uncle! Ah, not the TV!
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It's OK, beti, I'll fix it later.
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You need to get ready.
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Go and get changed into something
more practical.
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Something more what?
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You know, some rough, old work
clothes, like your mother wears.
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Er, no, thanks.
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Has anyone seen my bag?
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Are you going out somewhere?
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I've got tango class today.
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That dress is very bright
and very red.
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Maybe try to avoid the Bull Ring.
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Hello, sir.
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Hello, Mrs Khan.
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Wow, Mum, you look fantastic.
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Oh, thanks, beti!
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Aren't you worried she'll run
off with her dashing tango partner?
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00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:59,860
Mrs Siddiqi?
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00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:02,180
Why does she have to dance
with Mrs Siddiqi?
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00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:04,820
She can't dance with other men.
Because you get jealous?
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00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,220
Because she's too short!
104
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:10,820
Look, Shazia, it's women-only tango.
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I'm not letting some argie-bargie,
greasy, gaucho
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get his filthy hands on her!
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You know, you can't have a healthy
relationship if you're jealous, Dad.
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Me and Amjad trust each other
implicitly, don't we, budhoo?
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Implicitly means "a lot".
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Right, yes, we do, of course.
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All right, that's enough of that!
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Why don't you surprise her by doing
something romantic?
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Me and Amjad surprise each other
all the time.
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Take her to that French
restaurant in town.
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French restaurant? No, thank you!
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00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,660
We've got plenty of French
food at home. Have you?
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Yes, of course. Or, as we Muslims
like to call it, ALLAH carte!
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00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:53,540
You know, I was thinking,
maybe instead of going on a cruise,
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we could cash in some of our
pension money
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and go on a trip to Argentina!
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It's the home of the tango.
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Sweetie, we don't need to go to
Argentina for Tango,
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00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:06,060
they've got loads of it down
the cash and carry!
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00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:09,500
You should try it,
you might like it.
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00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,900
And then that would be something
we could do together.
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00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:16,060
We already got something
we do together.
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00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:17,660
I mean something exciting.
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Come to one of our special
showcases, you might like it.
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OK, fine,
I'll come to the next one.
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Really? You promise?
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Haan. Fantastic!
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It's today. What?!
At the community centre.
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I'll see you there later,
I'm so excited! Thank you!
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Anything for you, my darling!
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00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,060
Oh, twaddi!
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00:06:43,380 --> 00:06:45,740
Well done, Dad.
You and Mum will have a great time.
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00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:49,100
Yes, yes. But first I've got
a little business to attend to.
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00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,060
Remember to spray the air freshener.
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00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:52,780
I always get told off for that.
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00:06:55,260 --> 00:06:57,780
Not that kind of business, Amjad.
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00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,980
I'm going to be running
a chicken shop!
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00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,900
Great! What will you be selling?
143
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,140
Are you sure about this, Dad?
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00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:10,020
Have you thought about Mum at all?
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Not yet. I want it to be a surprise.
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It'll be a surprise all right.
I'm going to work.
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00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:18,060
See you later, budhoo!
See you later, ladoo.
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00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:27,060
Right, let's get going.
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00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:29,820
I've got to meet some guy
called Mr Williams.
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00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:34,220
He's the boss of the chicken shop,
the big cock-a-doodle-do.
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00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,180
Where are you getting
the money for the franchise, sir?
152
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:38,740
Have you got a lot of investors?
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00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,900
Yes, two. Me and Mrs Khan.
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I've used our pension fund.
HE HAWKS
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I'd like to welcome you to
the Khan family business.
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00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:56,860
Now, remember, if I can make this
work, I'll be hanging out with
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00:07:56,860 --> 00:08:00,980
Sir Richard Branstons, nibbling his
cheese and sipping on his Shloer.
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00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,100
What if we can't make it work?
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00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:07,300
Then Mrs Khan is going to be doing
the paso doble on my cha-cha-chas.
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00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,460
Right, let's get to work, eh?
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00:08:10,460 --> 00:08:14,100
Now, Alia, you're behind the counter,
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00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,380
Naani, you're waiting on the tables,
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and, Amjad, you're head
of marketing and communications.
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00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:22,100
Wow! What does that mean?
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00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,100
It means you have to go
and pick up the T-shirts
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and fliers from the printers
next door.
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OK.
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00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,300
Right,
where's this Mr Williams chappie?
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00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,980
Hi, there.
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00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,300
Salaam aleikum.
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00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,020
Welcome to Chick 'N' Chips.
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You work here, do you? Yes.
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00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:40,740
Excellent,
another member of Team Khan.
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00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:41,980
No, you don't understand...
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Why don't you run along and fetch me
a cup of tea?
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I don't think so.
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Mr Williams is going to be
here in a minute, you don't want him
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to catch you slacking, do you?
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00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:51,300
What?
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00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,060
Mr Williams, the big cheese,
the top man!
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00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:56,220
You need to look lively! It's me!
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00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:57,820
I know it's YOU, sweetheart,
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00:08:57,820 --> 00:09:00,100
but I'm here to see the boss,
Mr Williams.
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And don't forget the tea.
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00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,420
I'm Mr Williams!
186
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:04,500
What?
187
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,020
I'm Mr Williams! Ms Williams!
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00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:08,940
Sandra Williams.
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00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,500
But you're a... Woman?
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00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,020
That's it.
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00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,180
I'm Mr Khan, community leader.
192
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:16,940
And all round woman-lover!
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00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,500
What?
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00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,300
I mean,
I'm a big fan of working girls.
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00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,660
Women's business. Businesswomen!
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00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,060
HE HAWKS
197
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:30,740
Right, where shall we start?
198
00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:33,740
Why don't you show us your equipment?
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00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,860
The fryers!
200
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:39,940
Right. Well, this is
the main work area over here.
201
00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:42,460
I'm sure you'll be familiar with
most of it already
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00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:44,900
if you have experience
working in the fast food industry?
203
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:49,460
Of course, I spent six months
working in a branch of KFC.
204
00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:50,700
Oh, which one?
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00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:53,100
The one in Pakistan.
Karachi Fried Chicken.
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00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,140
So you know how to fry?
207
00:09:56,140 --> 00:10:01,380
Oh, yes. We Muslims have got
a special religious day for it.
208
00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:02,820
What's that called?
209
00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:05,540
Fry-day prayers.
210
00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:10,060
These are the fryers.
211
00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:13,300
It's very important you always
keep this full of oil.
212
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,380
Do you know why?
213
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,780
For good luck?
214
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:18,660
No, otherwise it will explode.
215
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,700
You keep the fryers full up
via this control system.
216
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:27,500
Everything is operated from
this panel - the fryers,
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00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,500
the cellar hatch, the lights.
218
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,300
Do you think you'll be able to
manage that?
219
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:35,340
'Course, I'm very techno savvy!
I've even got a robo-waitress.
220
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:36,980
Watch this.
221
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:40,780
Oh, twaddi.
222
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:43,820
ALARM RINGS
223
00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:44,860
Oh, God!
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00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,140
Switch it off!
225
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,180
Ah, there you are.
226
00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:52,940
They must be connected.
227
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:57,340
Mr Khan, I think we have to
reassess your application.
228
00:10:57,340 --> 00:11:00,300
But I've got lots of brilliant ideas
to get business booming!
229
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,500
Like what?
230
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,100
Well, I've got a very clever
name for the place.
231
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,420
What are you going to call it?
232
00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:07,740
Mr Khan's Chicken Shop.
233
00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:10,420
Can I hear any others?
234
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,540
That's it so far.
235
00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:14,380
Who's this?
236
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,740
That's just my communications
director.
237
00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:18,700
Hello, sir. I got the T-shirts.
238
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:19,740
Good.
239
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:24,660
Hi. I'm Sandra Williams.
But... you can call me Sandy.
240
00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:27,900
Hello, Mrs Sandy. My Name is Amjad.
241
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:30,060
But you can call me...
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00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:31,100
Amjad.
243
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,620
Have they got you carrying
these big, heavy boxes round
244
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:39,020
all by yourself?
245
00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:40,380
They're not too heavy.
246
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:43,580
There's a stock room round the back,
I can show you if you like.
247
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:47,020
Maybe you can show him
the stock room later.
248
00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:48,860
Yes, maybe later.
249
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:53,900
On reflection, Mr Khan, I've
decided to give you another chance.
250
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,380
Thank you, you won't regret it!
251
00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:58,900
Obviously, this will be
a trial run today.
252
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:01,580
You have until 5pm
to get in some customers.
253
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:04,420
Don't worry,
I'll fill it. Chicken FILLET!
254
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:06,700
I see.
255
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:12,460
Now, you heard the lady, Mr Khan's
Chicken Shop is open for business!
256
00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:16,140
Hey, Naani,
are you ready for meals on wheels?
257
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,180
Idiot!
258
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:23,540
ECHOING: Just checking the potatoes.
259
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:25,580
Yep, they're all fine.
260
00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:34,580
I need to do my homework, Uncle.
261
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:36,660
Chup! Did you not hear what
that woman said?
262
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:38,620
We need to keep this place busy!
263
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,620
By selling one-legged chickens?
264
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,820
Oh, twaddi.
265
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:48,380
Don't worry, Uncle.
You've still got Amjad.
266
00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:51,700
Sir. I don't feel right.
267
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,100
Maybe he's got bird flu.
268
00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:55,460
What?
269
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:56,660
Or chickenpox?
270
00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:59,980
No, I've already had them.
It's Mrs Sandy, sir.
271
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,460
She just accosted me
in the back room.
272
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,660
Chillax, Amjad,
she's just being friendly.
273
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:10,020
This is how business works,
all the schmoozing and the floozing.
274
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:12,660
I only want to schmooze with Shazia.
275
00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:16,340
See you later, gentlemen. Righto.
276
00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:19,140
Save a piece for me,
my little chicken.
277
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:24,140
Oh, no.
278
00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:25,540
Salaam aleikum, Mr Khan.
279
00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:28,060
Waleikum assalam, Riaz.
What's going on?
280
00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:30,220
Have a guess.
You're buying some chicken?
281
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,660
Try the whole shop.
282
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:32,980
Wow. You fatty!
283
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:36,740
No. It's the start
of my business empire.
284
00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:39,340
What about you?
Just passing through?
285
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:42,580
He's part of my crack promotions
and marketing team.
286
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:43,820
Where's the rest of them?
287
00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:51,940
Why are you selling
one-legged chickens?
288
00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:53,700
Just try and find me some customers.
289
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,980
OK, but it'll cost you.
290
00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:56,020
How much?
291
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:57,260
A bucket of hot wings.
292
00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:00,980
Deal. Just get some chicken lovers.
OK.
293
00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,980
Chicken, fried chicken. Yum-yum.
294
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:06,660
Chicken, fried chicken...
295
00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:13,180
Look at that,
a shop full of hungry young lads.
296
00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:14,380
I told you it would work!
297
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:16,180
Mrs Sandy will be pleased!
298
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:17,460
Yes, she will!
299
00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:20,220
Now, go and open up another till,
speed up the service.
300
00:14:20,220 --> 00:14:22,380
I tried that,
they weren't interested.
301
00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:23,900
They'll get their chicken quicker!
302
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,460
They're not after the chicken.
303
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:26,540
What are they after?
304
00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,620
Alia's number.
305
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:28,700
What!
306
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:32,220
Oh, twaddi!
307
00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,860
Out, out, out!
308
00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:39,100
Get out, you dirty, filthy rascal!
And you. Get out!
309
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,140
Get out of it!
310
00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:44,820
Papaji! I was just telling them
what's on offer.
311
00:14:44,820 --> 00:14:47,340
Come on,
you're working in the back room now.
312
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:50,340
Go get some oil for the fryers.
But why?
313
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,940
Health and Safety -
my health and your safety!
314
00:14:58,780 --> 00:14:59,900
DOORBELL CHIMES
315
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,860
Ah, Riaz, just in time.
316
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,180
Good news, I got you some customers.
317
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,340
Brilliant.
318
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,420
You see, Amjad.
Who have you got coming?
319
00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:10,460
The mosque committee. What?
320
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:11,940
Lucky they were passing by.
321
00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:14,060
Everyone else I asked just told me
to shove off.
322
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:16,180
Right. So, where are they?
323
00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:17,540
They'll be here any minute.
324
00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,260
They're coming back from a protest.
325
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:22,220
Another protest?
That's the problem with our lot.
326
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:25,060
Always marching and moaning
about something or another.
327
00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:27,980
What trumped up travesty happening
a thousand bloomin' miles away
328
00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:29,420
are they whining about now?
329
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,660
The closure of the Wildlife Centre
in Kings Heath.
330
00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:34,260
It's a bird sanctuary.
331
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:37,100
Well, at least they'll
be in the mood for chicken.
332
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,740
Remember our deal? My free food?
333
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:43,660
Oh, yes. I'll have 25 free hot wings.
That's FREE.
334
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:45,180
No charge, on the house.
335
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:48,900
I'll tell you what, you can have
24 free, and the last one is ?5.99.
336
00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:52,020
Fair enough.
337
00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:53,220
PHONE RINGTONE PLAYS
338
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,140
Hello, Mr Khan speaking.
339
00:15:58,260 --> 00:15:59,620
Oh, hello, sweetie.
340
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,100
You haven't forgotten, have you?
You will be here?
341
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:05,620
Of course I haven't forgotten.
Have I ever you let down?
342
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:07,980
Apart from then.
343
00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:10,860
And then.
344
00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:12,020
Look, sweetie,
345
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:17,100
that was a long time ago and I had
no idea the sidecar wasn't attached.
346
00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:20,740
Yes, of course I'm coming.
347
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:23,740
You know how I love Fanta! Tango!
348
00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:27,220
OK, good, I'm so excited!
I'll see you later!
349
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,460
Don't be late!
350
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:29,860
Yes, yes, yes.
351
00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:32,700
Yes?
352
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,140
Hi, I'm looking for Alia?
353
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:36,420
She's not here. Can I help you?
354
00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:37,820
It's OK, honestly, I need Alia.
355
00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,220
Oh, you do, do you? Yeah.
356
00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:41,700
And what exactly do you
need her for?
357
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,380
Oh, I'm here to give her
a bit of one to one.
358
00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:46,420
One to what?!
359
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:49,580
She's very keen, let me tell you.
Best I've ever had.
360
00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:51,620
How dare you!
361
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,420
What are you doing?
362
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:57,940
Oh, I'm sorry,
perhaps you prefer some ketchup?
363
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,940
What are you doing to the tutor?
364
00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:03,100
What?
365
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,380
This is brother Majid
from the mosque.
366
00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:08,100
He's a scholar
and an expert on Islamic culture.
367
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,540
You're Alia's tutor?
368
00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:10,860
Yes!
369
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:11,900
Oh, twaddi!
370
00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:15,020
What happened to your trousers?
371
00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:16,740
I squirted mayonnaise on them.
372
00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:17,940
And ketchup!
373
00:17:17,940 --> 00:17:19,020
What a waste.
374
00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:21,860
I don't think you're supposed
to squirt any kind of sauce
375
00:17:21,860 --> 00:17:23,180
on Islamic scholars.
376
00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:24,820
The mosque committee won't be happy.
377
00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:26,100
What's it got to do with them?
378
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:27,700
They're by the door.
379
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,700
Wait! They can't see him like this.
380
00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:33,260
Hai!
381
00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:38,260
Salaam aleikum.
382
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:41,100
Riaz will be out any minute with
some free chicken for you.
383
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,700
Oh, free chicken!
384
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,500
I thought you'd like that!
385
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:45,780
Aargh!
386
00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:46,900
What's that?
387
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,860
Oh, that was just the call to prayer.
388
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,460
Arrgh, Allahu akbar!
389
00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:55,180
Now, come on, get down to the mosque,
you don't want to miss the front row.
390
00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,580
Oh, God.
391
00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,980
Papaji? Have you seen my tutor?
392
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,420
No! Definitely not!
393
00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:05,020
You're supposed to be getting
oil for the fryers.
394
00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:07,420
They're fine!
He should be here by now.
395
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,820
We had an appointment.
396
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:10,540
Maybe he's "fallen through"?
397
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,780
It's nearly five o'clock.
398
00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:17,540
Sir! Mrs Sandy will be here soon.
399
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:19,540
Oh, twaddi, how much have we taken?
400
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,540
Including the ?2.50 you made me
put in for my lunch?
401
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:24,860
Haan.
402
00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:26,380
?2.50.
403
00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:30,740
I don't understand,
why haven't we had more customers?
404
00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,980
We had the T-shirts and the flyers.
405
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:35,020
The group of Muslims
protesting outside?
406
00:18:35,020 --> 00:18:36,220
What?
407
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:38,420
Oh, twaddi!
408
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:44,860
I don't think Sandra's going to be
very impressed, Papaji.
409
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:50,140
What's going on outside?
Looks like some kind of protest.
410
00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:53,820
It's the mosque committee.
Mr Khan arranged it.
411
00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:55,380
That's not entirely...
412
00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:58,100
I thought you were going to get
this place full of customers?
413
00:18:58,100 --> 00:18:59,140
Yes, but...
414
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:00,860
How much money have you taken?
415
00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:02,140
Two fifty.
416
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:05,540
?250, is that all?
417
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,260
Not exactly.
418
00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:12,100
He means ?2.50.
419
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,860
What! That's pathetic!
420
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:17,500
You haven't even covered
the cost of your staff!
421
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:19,900
Ah, I thought of that,
I'm not paying them!
422
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:21,220
Eh?!
423
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:23,020
Well, you can forget the franchise.
424
00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,500
I knew this was a bad idea.
425
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:25,900
No, wait!
426
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,260
I'm going to check my stock room to
make sure you haven't
427
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:31,980
cleaned me out, and when I get back
I want you out of here!
428
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:36,100
Oh, God. We're in trouble.
429
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:37,780
What are we going to do, sir?
430
00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:42,260
We have to prove to Mrs Sandy that
we're serious business contenders.
431
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,940
We have to show her that we can
turn this place around.
432
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:46,740
Right.
433
00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,260
HE IMITATES A CHICKEN
434
00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:51,740
They don't dance, they don't hop,
it's Mr Khan's Chicken Shop!
435
00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:52,900
Mmm!
436
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:57,980
Not the jingle, Amjad.
437
00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,460
Oh, what then?
438
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:00,740
I don't know.
439
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:03,540
I'm going to have to go in the
back room and schmooze her.
440
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,260
That's how business works.
441
00:20:05,260 --> 00:20:07,460
Uh, Uncle,
I don't think she likes you.
442
00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:10,100
You're right,
we'll need someone else.
443
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:11,300
Who?
444
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,700
Oh, no!
445
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,220
Amjad, she likes you!
446
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:18,620
Why?
447
00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:19,660
It beats me.
448
00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:25,420
But I've got our pension riding on
it. Now, come on, don't be chicken.
449
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:29,380
Get in there and show her that we're
Team Khan and not Team Can't!
450
00:20:29,380 --> 00:20:30,700
I'll do it!
451
00:20:32,380 --> 00:20:33,780
KNOCK ON DOOR
452
00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:34,980
Yes?
453
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,100
Hello.
454
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,540
Hello!
455
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,780
Hello.
456
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:45,980
Hello!
457
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,740
Was there something you wanted?
458
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:56,500
Um, Mr Khan said... that is, I was
wondering, if you needed any help?
459
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,220
What sort of help?
460
00:20:58,220 --> 00:21:01,140
Um... I could
rearrange your condiments?
461
00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:05,260
I like the sound of that.
462
00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:06,860
Do you?
463
00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:10,220
Perhaps you could check
out my assets as well.
464
00:21:10,220 --> 00:21:11,580
OK.
465
00:21:13,060 --> 00:21:15,780
I might even let you
massage my figures...
466
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:20,780
Or I could do a full inventory
of your perishables
467
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,500
and free up some shelf space.
468
00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:27,980
Right. I'm not sure that one really
works, but never mind.
469
00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:41,540
Right, you lot finish clearing up.
470
00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:44,500
I'm off to see Mrs Khan do
the Last Tango in Sparkhill.
471
00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,580
Alia's not helping, Uncle.
472
00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:49,140
I'm in charge of the fryers.
Papaji said.
473
00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:51,620
That's right, Faraz.
We've all got our jobs to do.
474
00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:53,860
Just be grateful you haven't
got Amjad's.
475
00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:55,060
Shazia!
476
00:21:55,060 --> 00:21:56,900
Hi. Shouldn't you be at Mum's show?
477
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:58,980
I was just going. Where's Amjad?
478
00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:01,540
Oh, he had to go out...
479
00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:02,900
to buy some...
480
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:03,940
ketchup.
481
00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:07,500
You've got loads of ketchup.
482
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,900
Oh, yes. Silly Amjad, eh?
483
00:22:11,220 --> 00:22:12,460
Now, you run along...
484
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:13,620
AMJAD: Aa-ah!
485
00:22:13,620 --> 00:22:15,180
What was that?
486
00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:16,860
What? That noise.
487
00:22:16,860 --> 00:22:18,260
I didn't hear anything.
488
00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:19,740
AMJAD: Aa-ah!
489
00:22:19,740 --> 00:22:20,860
There it was again.
490
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:23,540
Oh, that's just the fridges.
Or the air conditioning.
491
00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:25,020
SHAZIA!
492
00:22:25,020 --> 00:22:26,500
Or Amjad.
493
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,260
Where is he?
494
00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:31,220
He's in that stock cupboard with
another woman.
495
00:22:32,260 --> 00:22:33,420
What?!
496
00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:38,980
Ladoo!
497
00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:41,660
Do you mind?
We're in the middle of a stock take.
498
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,460
Oh, my God!
499
00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:48,060
I can't believe this.
500
00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:50,340
Ladoo, wait!
It's not what it looks like.
501
00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:51,420
Really?
502
00:22:51,420 --> 00:22:54,500
Because it looks like you were
canoodling with some floozy
503
00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:57,020
in a stock room whilst
wearing a chicken suit.
504
00:22:58,260 --> 00:22:59,860
OK, it is what it looks like.
505
00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:02,380
Oh, my God!
506
00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:04,060
Who is this exactly?
507
00:23:04,060 --> 00:23:06,820
This is other daughter, Shazia.
Alia's sister.
508
00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:08,460
And Amjad's wife.
509
00:23:10,020 --> 00:23:11,100
His wife!
510
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:13,100
That's right. At least, I was.
511
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:16,060
No! Ladoo! Please...
Get your wings off me.
512
00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:21,180
Look, Shazia, Amjad was
just schmoozing with the lady
513
00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:23,180
purely for professional reasons.
514
00:23:23,180 --> 00:23:24,660
What?
515
00:23:24,660 --> 00:23:27,020
I definitely thought there was
something between us.
516
00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:28,940
No, that was my pickled gherkins.
517
00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:33,860
Did you put him up to this?
518
00:23:33,860 --> 00:23:34,900
Maybe.
519
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:36,420
HE HAWKS
520
00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:39,860
Ladoo, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
521
00:23:39,860 --> 00:23:42,780
Oh, for goodness' sake, Amjad!
Be a man!
522
00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:45,220
You can't live your whole life
worrying about
523
00:23:45,220 --> 00:23:46,980
what your wife thinks!
524
00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:51,820
Oh, hello, sweetie. Everything OK?
525
00:23:53,260 --> 00:23:55,940
Where were you?
You promised me you'd come.
526
00:23:55,940 --> 00:23:57,300
You promised!
527
00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:59,580
Yes... but I can explain.
528
00:23:59,580 --> 00:24:01,740
Don't bother.
I've heard it all before.
529
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,740
Trust me,
you haven't heard this one before.
530
00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:05,540
Go on, then.
531
00:24:05,540 --> 00:24:07,660
I was trying to win
a franchise for a chicken shop?
532
00:24:07,660 --> 00:24:09,420
He made me wait on tables.
533
00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:10,660
What?
534
00:24:10,660 --> 00:24:13,580
And he used Amjad as some kind
of kinky chicken escort service.
535
00:24:16,860 --> 00:24:18,820
Unbelievable!
536
00:24:18,820 --> 00:24:20,620
Please, my darling...
537
00:24:20,620 --> 00:24:22,100
Don't say another word.
538
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:24,500
We're all going to leave here now,
we're all going home.
539
00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:26,820
I'm not, I'm going
to wait for my tutor outside.
540
00:24:26,820 --> 00:24:28,620
Why? Cos he's fit!
541
00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:34,460
So... what do you think?
Do I still get the franchise?
542
00:24:35,780 --> 00:24:37,260
Out, out of my shop!
543
00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:41,140
I can explain.
544
00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:43,300
You set me up with your son-in-law!
545
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:44,420
That was an accident.
546
00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:46,580
That you set me up?
No, that he married my daughter.
547
00:24:46,580 --> 00:24:49,940
And you organized
a protest in front of the shop!
548
00:24:49,940 --> 00:24:52,060
It's OK, they're not protesting!
549
00:24:52,060 --> 00:24:54,820
We like it. Free halal chicken.
550
00:24:54,820 --> 00:24:56,500
Oh, no, it's not halal.
551
00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:57,540
What?
552
00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,060
Now they're protesting.
553
00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:05,260
Is there anything else
you'd like to confess?
554
00:25:06,260 --> 00:25:08,500
He fell down the cellar
of his own accord!
555
00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:10,500
What have you done, Papaji?
556
00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:12,660
ALARM RINGS AND BEEPS
557
00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:18,780
Look, Sandra, I'm sorry about all
this. How about a second chance?
558
00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:20,260
EXPLOSION
559
00:25:26,380 --> 00:25:29,140
OK. Maybe not.
560
00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:40,780
Here we are.
561
00:25:42,220 --> 00:25:46,620
So, Shazia and Amjad have made up,
everything is OK.
562
00:25:46,620 --> 00:25:49,660
Forgive and forget,
that's the important thing, he na?
563
00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:52,300
Sweetie, where are you going?
564
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,060
I'm going to my sister's.
565
00:25:54,060 --> 00:25:57,140
What? I thought
we could spend some time together.
566
00:25:57,140 --> 00:26:00,300
If you wanted to spend time with me,
you wouldn't have spent
567
00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:03,580
our "time together" money
on some stupid chicken shop.
568
00:26:04,660 --> 00:26:08,220
You're right, I just wanted to
turn back the clock.
569
00:26:08,220 --> 00:26:09,660
But it was a stupid idea.
570
00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:11,660
What do you mean,
turn back the clock?
571
00:26:11,660 --> 00:26:16,780
Do you remember when we first got
married, and we lived in that flat?
572
00:26:18,820 --> 00:26:22,300
And we worked in the chip shop
downstairs?
573
00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:23,980
Bert and Tina's, yes, so?
574
00:26:23,980 --> 00:26:26,100
We worked so hard, didn't we?
575
00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:29,860
I worked hard, you spent your
entire time watching cricket.
576
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:33,940
That's not true, sweetie,
we didn't have a telly then,
577
00:26:33,940 --> 00:26:35,860
I used to listen to it on the radio!
578
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:41,180
I just wanted to go
back to the time before children,
579
00:26:41,180 --> 00:26:45,940
before community leader,
before everything.
580
00:26:45,940 --> 00:26:48,180
Just me and you together.
581
00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:55,460
We were so happy. Well, I was.
582
00:26:55,460 --> 00:26:56,940
So was I.
583
00:26:58,380 --> 00:27:01,620
I'm sorry we couldn't go to
Argentina to do the fandango.
584
00:27:03,860 --> 00:27:07,220
But we could still have a dance.
585
00:27:07,220 --> 00:27:09,940
You know, like we used to,
after closing time.
586
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:15,580
Remember this?
587
00:27:15,580 --> 00:27:17,300
MUSIC STARTS
588
00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:24,820
# There's a guy works down
the chip shop, swears he's Elvis
589
00:27:26,460 --> 00:27:30,260
Just like you swore to me that
you'd be true...
590
00:27:30,310 --> 00:27:34,860
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