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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:05,340 Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham - 2 00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:07,260 the capital of British Pakistan. 3 00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,260 They all know me. 4 00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:16,300 Do you like my suit? 5 00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:19,900 Number one - Citizen Khan. 6 00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:26,260 I don't see why WE have to look after him. 7 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,940 Oh, stop it, he won't be any trouble. 8 00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:32,140 He'll need feeding and we'll have to take him for walks in the park. 9 00:00:32,140 --> 00:00:33,700 Ah, choo-cooey! 10 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,780 And I hope he's not making a mess in my Mercedes! 11 00:00:35,780 --> 00:00:38,620 He won't be any trouble - will you, shweetu? 12 00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:39,980 No, Auntie. 13 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:43,300 There, see! 14 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,740 Why couldn't your cousins take him with them on holiday? 15 00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:47,900 I hope your parents are having a nice time. 16 00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:49,940 I was thinking of going away somewhere too. 17 00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:50,980 Good idea. 18 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,540 Oh, you mean together? 19 00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:57,980 Of course together! Maybe we could go cruising. 20 00:00:57,980 --> 00:00:59,380 Cruising? Why not? 21 00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:03,420 I'm not sure cruising is legal in Sparkhill any more, sweetie. 22 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:08,940 Oh, twaddi. Where are we? This isn't the way back to Birmingham. 23 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,180 What does the map say? 24 00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:14,900 I don't know. This map's no good. 25 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,260 Why? What's wrong with it? 26 00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:17,500 It's from 1974. 27 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,340 Everything's changed since then. 28 00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:23,220 No, it hasn't. Just a few more mosques, that's all. 29 00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,100 I'll just go and ask someone. 30 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:31,180 Salaam aleikum, excuse me! 31 00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:32,700 What? 32 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:36,260 Hey. I hope you're wearing two pairs of socks. 33 00:01:36,260 --> 00:01:38,580 In case you get a hole in one. Ha-ha-ha! 34 00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:39,740 KHAN HAWKS 35 00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:42,060 Right. I wonder if you could help me. 36 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,500 We're a bit lost, can you point us in the right direction? 37 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:45,660 Where are you from? 38 00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:49,500 Birmingham. No. I mean, where are you REALLY from? 39 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,540 Sparkhill. 40 00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:56,740 You need the A45. Birmingham's that way. 41 00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,260 That way? Are you sure? That way? 42 00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:02,500 OK. Thank you! Thank you! Hole in one, eh! HE HAWKS 43 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:07,620 CAR DOOR SHUTS 44 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:08,660 ENGINE STARTS 45 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:11,460 HORN TOOTS 46 00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:13,820 What are you doing? 47 00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:15,940 You can't drive on a golf course, are you mad? 48 00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:18,180 Just enjoy the view, look at that! 49 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,980 We'll be home any minute. 50 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:23,420 There's so much land here, they could build a few apartments! 51 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,180 Hi, Papaji! I'm just going out. 52 00:02:33,180 --> 00:02:34,460 Where are you going? 53 00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:36,540 I've got my Islamic tutor today, remember? 54 00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:40,700 Vah! Such a good girl. Well, you can see him later. 55 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:43,740 First, you're going to help me get my new business off the ground. 56 00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:46,860 I've got a revolutionary idea that's going to transform the high street. 57 00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:47,940 What is it? 58 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:48,980 A chicken shop! 59 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:53,060 A new franchise has opened up. 60 00:02:53,060 --> 00:02:55,860 I'm going to be a restaurant entrepreneur. 61 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:58,740 I'll be Birmingham's very own Marco Pierre Brown! 62 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:04,140 You mean... I've got to do work? 63 00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:07,860 Work is fun, sweetie. The whole family's going to chip in. 64 00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:10,340 "Chip" in! 65 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:13,900 You see, we're having fun already, aren't we? 66 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,180 Yeah. 67 00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:18,740 Right, let's check the staff rota... 68 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,420 Now, you'll help behind the counter 69 00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:23,460 and Naani is going to be the waitress. 70 00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:24,700 A waitress? 71 00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:25,940 What's the problem? 72 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:28,500 She's got bunions. She can't stand up all day. 73 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,020 I've already thought of that. 74 00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:33,900 Look at this. A remote control wheelchair, you see? 75 00:03:37,620 --> 00:03:41,540 I've created the first ever robo-waitress! 76 00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:44,580 Thank you. 77 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:47,060 Now, squash for Faraz. 78 00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:49,940 Oh, not that way! 79 00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:50,980 Idiot! 80 00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:58,100 Obviously it's a prototype, there's bound to be a few teething troubles. 81 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:01,300 Argh! 82 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,180 Stop! It's OK. 83 00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:11,380 Uncle! Ah, not the TV! 84 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:19,500 It's OK, beti, I'll fix it later. 85 00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,220 You need to get ready. 86 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,700 Go and get changed into something more practical. 87 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:26,380 Something more what? 88 00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:29,940 You know, some rough, old work clothes, like your mother wears. 89 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:34,260 Er, no, thanks. 90 00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:35,980 Has anyone seen my bag? 91 00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:37,620 Are you going out somewhere? 92 00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:39,260 I've got tango class today. 93 00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:42,220 That dress is very bright and very red. 94 00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:44,100 Maybe try to avoid the Bull Ring. 95 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:46,660 Hello, sir. 96 00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:47,780 Hello, Mrs Khan. 97 00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:51,860 Wow, Mum, you look fantastic. 98 00:04:51,860 --> 00:04:54,140 Oh, thanks, beti! 99 00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:57,860 Aren't you worried she'll run off with her dashing tango partner? 100 00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:59,860 Mrs Siddiqi? 101 00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:02,180 Why does she have to dance with Mrs Siddiqi? 102 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:04,820 She can't dance with other men. Because you get jealous? 103 00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,220 Because she's too short! 104 00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:10,820 Look, Shazia, it's women-only tango. 105 00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:13,140 I'm not letting some argie-bargie, greasy, gaucho 106 00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:15,140 get his filthy hands on her! 107 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:18,420 You know, you can't have a healthy relationship if you're jealous, Dad. 108 00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:21,260 Me and Amjad trust each other implicitly, don't we, budhoo? 109 00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:26,300 Implicitly means "a lot". 110 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,860 Right, yes, we do, of course. 111 00:05:29,020 --> 00:05:32,020 All right, that's enough of that! 112 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:35,420 Why don't you surprise her by doing something romantic? 113 00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,620 Me and Amjad surprise each other all the time. 114 00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:39,580 Take her to that French restaurant in town. 115 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:42,260 French restaurant? No, thank you! 116 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,660 We've got plenty of French food at home. Have you? 117 00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:48,140 Yes, of course. Or, as we Muslims like to call it, ALLAH carte! 118 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:53,540 You know, I was thinking, maybe instead of going on a cruise, 119 00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:55,980 we could cash in some of our pension money 120 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:59,300 and go on a trip to Argentina! 121 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:00,860 It's the home of the tango. 122 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,460 Sweetie, we don't need to go to Argentina for Tango, 123 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:06,060 they've got loads of it down the cash and carry! 124 00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:09,500 You should try it, you might like it. 125 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,900 And then that would be something we could do together. 126 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:16,060 We already got something we do together. 127 00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:17,660 I mean something exciting. 128 00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:22,980 Come to one of our special showcases, you might like it. 129 00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:25,340 OK, fine, I'll come to the next one. 130 00:06:25,340 --> 00:06:27,180 Really? You promise? 131 00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:29,140 Haan. Fantastic! 132 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:33,060 It's today. What?! At the community centre. 133 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:37,660 I'll see you there later, I'm so excited! Thank you! 134 00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:39,460 Anything for you, my darling! 135 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,060 Oh, twaddi! 136 00:06:43,380 --> 00:06:45,740 Well done, Dad. You and Mum will have a great time. 137 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:49,100 Yes, yes. But first I've got a little business to attend to. 138 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,060 Remember to spray the air freshener. 139 00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:52,780 I always get told off for that. 140 00:06:55,260 --> 00:06:57,780 Not that kind of business, Amjad. 141 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,980 I'm going to be running a chicken shop! 142 00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,900 Great! What will you be selling? 143 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,140 Are you sure about this, Dad? 144 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:10,020 Have you thought about Mum at all? 145 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:12,220 Not yet. I want it to be a surprise. 146 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:15,380 It'll be a surprise all right. I'm going to work. 147 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:18,060 See you later, budhoo! See you later, ladoo. 148 00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:27,060 Right, let's get going. 149 00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:29,820 I've got to meet some guy called Mr Williams. 150 00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:34,220 He's the boss of the chicken shop, the big cock-a-doodle-do. 151 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,180 Where are you getting the money for the franchise, sir? 152 00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:38,740 Have you got a lot of investors? 153 00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,900 Yes, two. Me and Mrs Khan. 154 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,940 I've used our pension fund. HE HAWKS 155 00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:53,580 I'd like to welcome you to the Khan family business. 156 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:56,860 Now, remember, if I can make this work, I'll be hanging out with 157 00:07:56,860 --> 00:08:00,980 Sir Richard Branstons, nibbling his cheese and sipping on his Shloer. 158 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,100 What if we can't make it work? 159 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:07,300 Then Mrs Khan is going to be doing the paso doble on my cha-cha-chas. 160 00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,460 Right, let's get to work, eh? 161 00:08:10,460 --> 00:08:14,100 Now, Alia, you're behind the counter, 162 00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,380 Naani, you're waiting on the tables, 163 00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:20,060 and, Amjad, you're head of marketing and communications. 164 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:22,100 Wow! What does that mean? 165 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,100 It means you have to go and pick up the T-shirts 166 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,660 and fliers from the printers next door. 167 00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:27,700 OK. 168 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,300 Right, where's this Mr Williams chappie? 169 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,980 Hi, there. 170 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,300 Salaam aleikum. 171 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,020 Welcome to Chick 'N' Chips. 172 00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:38,140 You work here, do you? Yes. 173 00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:40,740 Excellent, another member of Team Khan. 174 00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:41,980 No, you don't understand... 175 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,220 Why don't you run along and fetch me a cup of tea? 176 00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:45,420 I don't think so. 177 00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:48,100 Mr Williams is going to be here in a minute, you don't want him 178 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,940 to catch you slacking, do you? 179 00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:51,300 What? 180 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,060 Mr Williams, the big cheese, the top man! 181 00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:56,220 You need to look lively! It's me! 182 00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:57,820 I know it's YOU, sweetheart, 183 00:08:57,820 --> 00:09:00,100 but I'm here to see the boss, Mr Williams. 184 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,540 And don't forget the tea. 185 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,420 I'm Mr Williams! 186 00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:04,500 What? 187 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,020 I'm Mr Williams! Ms Williams! 188 00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:08,940 Sandra Williams. 189 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,500 But you're a... Woman? 190 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,020 That's it. 191 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,180 I'm Mr Khan, community leader. 192 00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:16,940 And all round woman-lover! 193 00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,500 What? 194 00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,300 I mean, I'm a big fan of working girls. 195 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,660 Women's business. Businesswomen! 196 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,060 HE HAWKS 197 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:30,740 Right, where shall we start? 198 00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:33,740 Why don't you show us your equipment? 199 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,860 The fryers! 200 00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:39,940 Right. Well, this is the main work area over here. 201 00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:42,460 I'm sure you'll be familiar with most of it already 202 00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:44,900 if you have experience working in the fast food industry? 203 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:49,460 Of course, I spent six months working in a branch of KFC. 204 00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:50,700 Oh, which one? 205 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:53,100 The one in Pakistan. Karachi Fried Chicken. 206 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,140 So you know how to fry? 207 00:09:56,140 --> 00:10:01,380 Oh, yes. We Muslims have got a special religious day for it. 208 00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:02,820 What's that called? 209 00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:05,540 Fry-day prayers. 210 00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:10,060 These are the fryers. 211 00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:13,300 It's very important you always keep this full of oil. 212 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,380 Do you know why? 213 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,780 For good luck? 214 00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:18,660 No, otherwise it will explode. 215 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,700 You keep the fryers full up via this control system. 216 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:27,500 Everything is operated from this panel - the fryers, 217 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,500 the cellar hatch, the lights. 218 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,300 Do you think you'll be able to manage that? 219 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:35,340 'Course, I'm very techno savvy! I've even got a robo-waitress. 220 00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:36,980 Watch this. 221 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:40,780 Oh, twaddi. 222 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:43,820 ALARM RINGS 223 00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:44,860 Oh, God! 224 00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,140 Switch it off! 225 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,180 Ah, there you are. 226 00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:52,940 They must be connected. 227 00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:57,340 Mr Khan, I think we have to reassess your application. 228 00:10:57,340 --> 00:11:00,300 But I've got lots of brilliant ideas to get business booming! 229 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,500 Like what? 230 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,100 Well, I've got a very clever name for the place. 231 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,420 What are you going to call it? 232 00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:07,740 Mr Khan's Chicken Shop. 233 00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:10,420 Can I hear any others? 234 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,540 That's it so far. 235 00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:14,380 Who's this? 236 00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,740 That's just my communications director. 237 00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:18,700 Hello, sir. I got the T-shirts. 238 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:19,740 Good. 239 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:24,660 Hi. I'm Sandra Williams. But... you can call me Sandy. 240 00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:27,900 Hello, Mrs Sandy. My Name is Amjad. 241 00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:30,060 But you can call me... 242 00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:31,100 Amjad. 243 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,620 Have they got you carrying these big, heavy boxes round 244 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:39,020 all by yourself? 245 00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:40,380 They're not too heavy. 246 00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:43,580 There's a stock room round the back, I can show you if you like. 247 00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:47,020 Maybe you can show him the stock room later. 248 00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:48,860 Yes, maybe later. 249 00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:53,900 On reflection, Mr Khan, I've decided to give you another chance. 250 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,380 Thank you, you won't regret it! 251 00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:58,900 Obviously, this will be a trial run today. 252 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:01,580 You have until 5pm to get in some customers. 253 00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:04,420 Don't worry, I'll fill it. Chicken FILLET! 254 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:06,700 I see. 255 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:12,460 Now, you heard the lady, Mr Khan's Chicken Shop is open for business! 256 00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:16,140 Hey, Naani, are you ready for meals on wheels? 257 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,180 Idiot! 258 00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:23,540 ECHOING: Just checking the potatoes. 259 00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:25,580 Yep, they're all fine. 260 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:34,580 I need to do my homework, Uncle. 261 00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:36,660 Chup! Did you not hear what that woman said? 262 00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:38,620 We need to keep this place busy! 263 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,620 By selling one-legged chickens? 264 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,820 Oh, twaddi. 265 00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:48,380 Don't worry, Uncle. You've still got Amjad. 266 00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:51,700 Sir. I don't feel right. 267 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,100 Maybe he's got bird flu. 268 00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:55,460 What? 269 00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:56,660 Or chickenpox? 270 00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:59,980 No, I've already had them. It's Mrs Sandy, sir. 271 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,460 She just accosted me in the back room. 272 00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,660 Chillax, Amjad, she's just being friendly. 273 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:10,020 This is how business works, all the schmoozing and the floozing. 274 00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:12,660 I only want to schmooze with Shazia. 275 00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:16,340 See you later, gentlemen. Righto. 276 00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:19,140 Save a piece for me, my little chicken. 277 00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:24,140 Oh, no. 278 00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:25,540 Salaam aleikum, Mr Khan. 279 00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:28,060 Waleikum assalam, Riaz. What's going on? 280 00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:30,220 Have a guess. You're buying some chicken? 281 00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,660 Try the whole shop. 282 00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:32,980 Wow. You fatty! 283 00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:36,740 No. It's the start of my business empire. 284 00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:39,340 What about you? Just passing through? 285 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:42,580 He's part of my crack promotions and marketing team. 286 00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:43,820 Where's the rest of them? 287 00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:51,940 Why are you selling one-legged chickens? 288 00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:53,700 Just try and find me some customers. 289 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,980 OK, but it'll cost you. 290 00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:56,020 How much? 291 00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:57,260 A bucket of hot wings. 292 00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:00,980 Deal. Just get some chicken lovers. OK. 293 00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,980 Chicken, fried chicken. Yum-yum. 294 00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:06,660 Chicken, fried chicken... 295 00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:13,180 Look at that, a shop full of hungry young lads. 296 00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:14,380 I told you it would work! 297 00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:16,180 Mrs Sandy will be pleased! 298 00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:17,460 Yes, she will! 299 00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:20,220 Now, go and open up another till, speed up the service. 300 00:14:20,220 --> 00:14:22,380 I tried that, they weren't interested. 301 00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:23,900 They'll get their chicken quicker! 302 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,460 They're not after the chicken. 303 00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:26,540 What are they after? 304 00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,620 Alia's number. 305 00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:28,700 What! 306 00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:32,220 Oh, twaddi! 307 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,860 Out, out, out! 308 00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:39,100 Get out, you dirty, filthy rascal! And you. Get out! 309 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,140 Get out of it! 310 00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:44,820 Papaji! I was just telling them what's on offer. 311 00:14:44,820 --> 00:14:47,340 Come on, you're working in the back room now. 312 00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:50,340 Go get some oil for the fryers. But why? 313 00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,940 Health and Safety - my health and your safety! 314 00:14:58,780 --> 00:14:59,900 DOORBELL CHIMES 315 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,860 Ah, Riaz, just in time. 316 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,180 Good news, I got you some customers. 317 00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,340 Brilliant. 318 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,420 You see, Amjad. Who have you got coming? 319 00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:10,460 The mosque committee. What? 320 00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:11,940 Lucky they were passing by. 321 00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:14,060 Everyone else I asked just told me to shove off. 322 00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:16,180 Right. So, where are they? 323 00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:17,540 They'll be here any minute. 324 00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,260 They're coming back from a protest. 325 00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:22,220 Another protest? That's the problem with our lot. 326 00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:25,060 Always marching and moaning about something or another. 327 00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:27,980 What trumped up travesty happening a thousand bloomin' miles away 328 00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:29,420 are they whining about now? 329 00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,660 The closure of the Wildlife Centre in Kings Heath. 330 00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:34,260 It's a bird sanctuary. 331 00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:37,100 Well, at least they'll be in the mood for chicken. 332 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,740 Remember our deal? My free food? 333 00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:43,660 Oh, yes. I'll have 25 free hot wings. That's FREE. 334 00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:45,180 No charge, on the house. 335 00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:48,900 I'll tell you what, you can have 24 free, and the last one is ?5.99. 336 00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:52,020 Fair enough. 337 00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:53,220 PHONE RINGTONE PLAYS 338 00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,140 Hello, Mr Khan speaking. 339 00:15:58,260 --> 00:15:59,620 Oh, hello, sweetie. 340 00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,100 You haven't forgotten, have you? You will be here? 341 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:05,620 Of course I haven't forgotten. Have I ever you let down? 342 00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:07,980 Apart from then. 343 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:10,860 And then. 344 00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:12,020 Look, sweetie, 345 00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:17,100 that was a long time ago and I had no idea the sidecar wasn't attached. 346 00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:20,740 Yes, of course I'm coming. 347 00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:23,740 You know how I love Fanta! Tango! 348 00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:27,220 OK, good, I'm so excited! I'll see you later! 349 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,460 Don't be late! 350 00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:29,860 Yes, yes, yes. 351 00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:32,700 Yes? 352 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,140 Hi, I'm looking for Alia? 353 00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:36,420 She's not here. Can I help you? 354 00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:37,820 It's OK, honestly, I need Alia. 355 00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,220 Oh, you do, do you? Yeah. 356 00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:41,700 And what exactly do you need her for? 357 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,380 Oh, I'm here to give her a bit of one to one. 358 00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:46,420 One to what?! 359 00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:49,580 She's very keen, let me tell you. Best I've ever had. 360 00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:51,620 How dare you! 361 00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,420 What are you doing? 362 00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:57,940 Oh, I'm sorry, perhaps you prefer some ketchup? 363 00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,940 What are you doing to the tutor? 364 00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:03,100 What? 365 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,380 This is brother Majid from the mosque. 366 00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:08,100 He's a scholar and an expert on Islamic culture. 367 00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,540 You're Alia's tutor? 368 00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:10,860 Yes! 369 00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:11,900 Oh, twaddi! 370 00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:15,020 What happened to your trousers? 371 00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:16,740 I squirted mayonnaise on them. 372 00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:17,940 And ketchup! 373 00:17:17,940 --> 00:17:19,020 What a waste. 374 00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:21,860 I don't think you're supposed to squirt any kind of sauce 375 00:17:21,860 --> 00:17:23,180 on Islamic scholars. 376 00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:24,820 The mosque committee won't be happy. 377 00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:26,100 What's it got to do with them? 378 00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:27,700 They're by the door. 379 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,700 Wait! They can't see him like this. 380 00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:33,260 Hai! 381 00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:38,260 Salaam aleikum. 382 00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:41,100 Riaz will be out any minute with some free chicken for you. 383 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,700 Oh, free chicken! 384 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,500 I thought you'd like that! 385 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:45,780 Aargh! 386 00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:46,900 What's that? 387 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,860 Oh, that was just the call to prayer. 388 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,460 Arrgh, Allahu akbar! 389 00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:55,180 Now, come on, get down to the mosque, you don't want to miss the front row. 390 00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,580 Oh, God. 391 00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,980 Papaji? Have you seen my tutor? 392 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,420 No! Definitely not! 393 00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:05,020 You're supposed to be getting oil for the fryers. 394 00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:07,420 They're fine! He should be here by now. 395 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,820 We had an appointment. 396 00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:10,540 Maybe he's "fallen through"? 397 00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,780 It's nearly five o'clock. 398 00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:17,540 Sir! Mrs Sandy will be here soon. 399 00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:19,540 Oh, twaddi, how much have we taken? 400 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,540 Including the ?2.50 you made me put in for my lunch? 401 00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:24,860 Haan. 402 00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:26,380 ?2.50. 403 00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:30,740 I don't understand, why haven't we had more customers? 404 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,980 We had the T-shirts and the flyers. 405 00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:35,020 The group of Muslims protesting outside? 406 00:18:35,020 --> 00:18:36,220 What? 407 00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:38,420 Oh, twaddi! 408 00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:44,860 I don't think Sandra's going to be very impressed, Papaji. 409 00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:50,140 What's going on outside? Looks like some kind of protest. 410 00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:53,820 It's the mosque committee. Mr Khan arranged it. 411 00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:55,380 That's not entirely... 412 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:58,100 I thought you were going to get this place full of customers? 413 00:18:58,100 --> 00:18:59,140 Yes, but... 414 00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:00,860 How much money have you taken? 415 00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:02,140 Two fifty. 416 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:05,540 ?250, is that all? 417 00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,260 Not exactly. 418 00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:12,100 He means ?2.50. 419 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,860 What! That's pathetic! 420 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:17,500 You haven't even covered the cost of your staff! 421 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:19,900 Ah, I thought of that, I'm not paying them! 422 00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:21,220 Eh?! 423 00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:23,020 Well, you can forget the franchise. 424 00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,500 I knew this was a bad idea. 425 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:25,900 No, wait! 426 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,260 I'm going to check my stock room to make sure you haven't 427 00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:31,980 cleaned me out, and when I get back I want you out of here! 428 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:36,100 Oh, God. We're in trouble. 429 00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:37,780 What are we going to do, sir? 430 00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:42,260 We have to prove to Mrs Sandy that we're serious business contenders. 431 00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,940 We have to show her that we can turn this place around. 432 00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:46,740 Right. 433 00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,260 HE IMITATES A CHICKEN 434 00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:51,740 They don't dance, they don't hop, it's Mr Khan's Chicken Shop! 435 00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:52,900 Mmm! 436 00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:57,980 Not the jingle, Amjad. 437 00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,460 Oh, what then? 438 00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:00,740 I don't know. 439 00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:03,540 I'm going to have to go in the back room and schmooze her. 440 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,260 That's how business works. 441 00:20:05,260 --> 00:20:07,460 Uh, Uncle, I don't think she likes you. 442 00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:10,100 You're right, we'll need someone else. 443 00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:11,300 Who? 444 00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,700 Oh, no! 445 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,220 Amjad, she likes you! 446 00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:18,620 Why? 447 00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:19,660 It beats me. 448 00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:25,420 But I've got our pension riding on it. Now, come on, don't be chicken. 449 00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:29,380 Get in there and show her that we're Team Khan and not Team Can't! 450 00:20:29,380 --> 00:20:30,700 I'll do it! 451 00:20:32,380 --> 00:20:33,780 KNOCK ON DOOR 452 00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:34,980 Yes? 453 00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,100 Hello. 454 00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,540 Hello! 455 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,780 Hello. 456 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:45,980 Hello! 457 00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,740 Was there something you wanted? 458 00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:56,500 Um, Mr Khan said... that is, I was wondering, if you needed any help? 459 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,220 What sort of help? 460 00:20:58,220 --> 00:21:01,140 Um... I could rearrange your condiments? 461 00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:05,260 I like the sound of that. 462 00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:06,860 Do you? 463 00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:10,220 Perhaps you could check out my assets as well. 464 00:21:10,220 --> 00:21:11,580 OK. 465 00:21:13,060 --> 00:21:15,780 I might even let you massage my figures... 466 00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:20,780 Or I could do a full inventory of your perishables 467 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,500 and free up some shelf space. 468 00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:27,980 Right. I'm not sure that one really works, but never mind. 469 00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:41,540 Right, you lot finish clearing up. 470 00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:44,500 I'm off to see Mrs Khan do the Last Tango in Sparkhill. 471 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,580 Alia's not helping, Uncle. 472 00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:49,140 I'm in charge of the fryers. Papaji said. 473 00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:51,620 That's right, Faraz. We've all got our jobs to do. 474 00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:53,860 Just be grateful you haven't got Amjad's. 475 00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:55,060 Shazia! 476 00:21:55,060 --> 00:21:56,900 Hi. Shouldn't you be at Mum's show? 477 00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:58,980 I was just going. Where's Amjad? 478 00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:01,540 Oh, he had to go out... 479 00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:02,900 to buy some... 480 00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:03,940 ketchup. 481 00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:07,500 You've got loads of ketchup. 482 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,900 Oh, yes. Silly Amjad, eh? 483 00:22:11,220 --> 00:22:12,460 Now, you run along... 484 00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:13,620 AMJAD: Aa-ah! 485 00:22:13,620 --> 00:22:15,180 What was that? 486 00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:16,860 What? That noise. 487 00:22:16,860 --> 00:22:18,260 I didn't hear anything. 488 00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:19,740 AMJAD: Aa-ah! 489 00:22:19,740 --> 00:22:20,860 There it was again. 490 00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:23,540 Oh, that's just the fridges. Or the air conditioning. 491 00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:25,020 SHAZIA! 492 00:22:25,020 --> 00:22:26,500 Or Amjad. 493 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,260 Where is he? 494 00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:31,220 He's in that stock cupboard with another woman. 495 00:22:32,260 --> 00:22:33,420 What?! 496 00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:38,980 Ladoo! 497 00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:41,660 Do you mind? We're in the middle of a stock take. 498 00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,460 Oh, my God! 499 00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:48,060 I can't believe this. 500 00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:50,340 Ladoo, wait! It's not what it looks like. 501 00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:51,420 Really? 502 00:22:51,420 --> 00:22:54,500 Because it looks like you were canoodling with some floozy 503 00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:57,020 in a stock room whilst wearing a chicken suit. 504 00:22:58,260 --> 00:22:59,860 OK, it is what it looks like. 505 00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:02,380 Oh, my God! 506 00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:04,060 Who is this exactly? 507 00:23:04,060 --> 00:23:06,820 This is other daughter, Shazia. Alia's sister. 508 00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:08,460 And Amjad's wife. 509 00:23:10,020 --> 00:23:11,100 His wife! 510 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:13,100 That's right. At least, I was. 511 00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:16,060 No! Ladoo! Please... Get your wings off me. 512 00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:21,180 Look, Shazia, Amjad was just schmoozing with the lady 513 00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:23,180 purely for professional reasons. 514 00:23:23,180 --> 00:23:24,660 What? 515 00:23:24,660 --> 00:23:27,020 I definitely thought there was something between us. 516 00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:28,940 No, that was my pickled gherkins. 517 00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:33,860 Did you put him up to this? 518 00:23:33,860 --> 00:23:34,900 Maybe. 519 00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:36,420 HE HAWKS 520 00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:39,860 Ladoo, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 521 00:23:39,860 --> 00:23:42,780 Oh, for goodness' sake, Amjad! Be a man! 522 00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:45,220 You can't live your whole life worrying about 523 00:23:45,220 --> 00:23:46,980 what your wife thinks! 524 00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:51,820 Oh, hello, sweetie. Everything OK? 525 00:23:53,260 --> 00:23:55,940 Where were you? You promised me you'd come. 526 00:23:55,940 --> 00:23:57,300 You promised! 527 00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:59,580 Yes... but I can explain. 528 00:23:59,580 --> 00:24:01,740 Don't bother. I've heard it all before. 529 00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,740 Trust me, you haven't heard this one before. 530 00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:05,540 Go on, then. 531 00:24:05,540 --> 00:24:07,660 I was trying to win a franchise for a chicken shop? 532 00:24:07,660 --> 00:24:09,420 He made me wait on tables. 533 00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:10,660 What? 534 00:24:10,660 --> 00:24:13,580 And he used Amjad as some kind of kinky chicken escort service. 535 00:24:16,860 --> 00:24:18,820 Unbelievable! 536 00:24:18,820 --> 00:24:20,620 Please, my darling... 537 00:24:20,620 --> 00:24:22,100 Don't say another word. 538 00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:24,500 We're all going to leave here now, we're all going home. 539 00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:26,820 I'm not, I'm going to wait for my tutor outside. 540 00:24:26,820 --> 00:24:28,620 Why? Cos he's fit! 541 00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:34,460 So... what do you think? Do I still get the franchise? 542 00:24:35,780 --> 00:24:37,260 Out, out of my shop! 543 00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:41,140 I can explain. 544 00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:43,300 You set me up with your son-in-law! 545 00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:44,420 That was an accident. 546 00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:46,580 That you set me up? No, that he married my daughter. 547 00:24:46,580 --> 00:24:49,940 And you organized a protest in front of the shop! 548 00:24:49,940 --> 00:24:52,060 It's OK, they're not protesting! 549 00:24:52,060 --> 00:24:54,820 We like it. Free halal chicken. 550 00:24:54,820 --> 00:24:56,500 Oh, no, it's not halal. 551 00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:57,540 What? 552 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,060 Now they're protesting. 553 00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:05,260 Is there anything else you'd like to confess? 554 00:25:06,260 --> 00:25:08,500 He fell down the cellar of his own accord! 555 00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:10,500 What have you done, Papaji? 556 00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:12,660 ALARM RINGS AND BEEPS 557 00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:18,780 Look, Sandra, I'm sorry about all this. How about a second chance? 558 00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:20,260 EXPLOSION 559 00:25:26,380 --> 00:25:29,140 OK. Maybe not. 560 00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:40,780 Here we are. 561 00:25:42,220 --> 00:25:46,620 So, Shazia and Amjad have made up, everything is OK. 562 00:25:46,620 --> 00:25:49,660 Forgive and forget, that's the important thing, he na? 563 00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:52,300 Sweetie, where are you going? 564 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,060 I'm going to my sister's. 565 00:25:54,060 --> 00:25:57,140 What? I thought we could spend some time together. 566 00:25:57,140 --> 00:26:00,300 If you wanted to spend time with me, you wouldn't have spent 567 00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:03,580 our "time together" money on some stupid chicken shop. 568 00:26:04,660 --> 00:26:08,220 You're right, I just wanted to turn back the clock. 569 00:26:08,220 --> 00:26:09,660 But it was a stupid idea. 570 00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:11,660 What do you mean, turn back the clock? 571 00:26:11,660 --> 00:26:16,780 Do you remember when we first got married, and we lived in that flat? 572 00:26:18,820 --> 00:26:22,300 And we worked in the chip shop downstairs? 573 00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:23,980 Bert and Tina's, yes, so? 574 00:26:23,980 --> 00:26:26,100 We worked so hard, didn't we? 575 00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:29,860 I worked hard, you spent your entire time watching cricket. 576 00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:33,940 That's not true, sweetie, we didn't have a telly then, 577 00:26:33,940 --> 00:26:35,860 I used to listen to it on the radio! 578 00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:41,180 I just wanted to go back to the time before children, 579 00:26:41,180 --> 00:26:45,940 before community leader, before everything. 580 00:26:45,940 --> 00:26:48,180 Just me and you together. 581 00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:55,460 We were so happy. Well, I was. 582 00:26:55,460 --> 00:26:56,940 So was I. 583 00:26:58,380 --> 00:27:01,620 I'm sorry we couldn't go to Argentina to do the fandango. 584 00:27:03,860 --> 00:27:07,220 But we could still have a dance. 585 00:27:07,220 --> 00:27:09,940 You know, like we used to, after closing time. 586 00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:15,580 Remember this? 587 00:27:15,580 --> 00:27:17,300 MUSIC STARTS 588 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:24,820 # There's a guy works down the chip shop, swears he's Elvis 589 00:27:26,460 --> 00:27:30,260 Just like you swore to me that you'd be true... 590 00:27:30,310 --> 00:27:34,860 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42514

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