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Previously on Call Me Fitz.
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00:00:19,572 --> 00:00:20,605
Oh Richard!
3
00:00:20,607 --> 00:00:22,640
This nice lady
clearly needs a car
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00:00:22,642 --> 00:00:24,479
but seems to think she doesn't.
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00:00:24,599 --> 00:00:26,444
I see you've met
my daughter Paula.
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00:00:26,446 --> 00:00:28,345
You sent her to fuck me over.
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00:00:28,347 --> 00:00:29,914
Oh, you mistake my intentions.
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00:00:29,916 --> 00:00:31,116
This could be a very fortuitous
9
00:00:31,117 --> 00:00:32,283
marketing juncture.
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00:00:32,285 --> 00:00:35,519
(laughs)
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00:00:35,521 --> 00:00:37,221
(moans)
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00:00:37,223 --> 00:00:39,056
We'll give you 50 %
off a brand new
13
00:00:39,058 --> 00:00:40,925
post car product.
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00:00:40,927 --> 00:00:43,294
Never drive used again.
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00:00:43,296 --> 00:00:43,993
I'll drown that fuck in his
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00:00:43,995 --> 00:00:45,729
patchouli juice.
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00:00:48,032 --> 00:00:49,599
Mr. Childs told
me that he's
18
00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:52,869
Ken's long lost brother.
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00:00:52,871 --> 00:00:55,439
I could be sitting pretty.
20
00:00:55,441 --> 00:00:59,352
I could have been
Mrs. Pat Childs.
21
00:01:03,247 --> 00:01:05,681
Oh Lainey, I want to
do it like old times.
22
00:01:05,683 --> 00:01:07,412
(screams)
23
00:01:07,612 --> 00:01:08,978
Evan Williams Burbon Sours.
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00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:11,146
My proposal panty stripper,
25
00:01:11,148 --> 00:01:12,882
for when I want
to seal the deal.
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00:01:12,884 --> 00:01:14,316
You fucking proposed?
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00:01:14,318 --> 00:01:16,018
Every time you
guys get married,
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00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:18,787
I'm the one who gets fucked.
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00:01:20,523 --> 00:01:21,856
We got a wedding to plan.
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00:01:21,858 --> 00:01:24,059
Ya we do.
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00:01:25,361 --> 00:01:27,596
Cocksucker.
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00:01:31,501 --> 00:01:33,668
You want to know what
fucks up a dude?
33
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:35,203
Broads.
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00:01:35,205 --> 00:01:38,172
Broads and the
choices they make.
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00:01:38,174 --> 00:01:39,874
They do whatever
the fuck they want,
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00:01:39,876 --> 00:01:42,443
and men pay the price.
37
00:01:42,445 --> 00:01:45,413
Like that French chick,
Marie Antoinette.
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00:01:45,415 --> 00:01:48,282
How the fuck was the king
supposed to get laid when all
39
00:01:48,284 --> 00:01:52,253
she wanted to do was to stuff
her face with cake?
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00:01:52,255 --> 00:01:57,024
Or, Frida "Ooo, I want a
career too" Kahlo.
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00:01:57,026 --> 00:02:00,328
A little less painting,
a little more plucking, Frida.
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00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:03,464
No wonder Diego went batshit.
43
00:02:03,466 --> 00:02:06,667
You think Clyde would have
wound up as road meat
44
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:10,437
if Bonnie hadn't stopped
to take a leak?
45
00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:13,140
Broads sell themselves
as all fishnets,
46
00:02:13,142 --> 00:02:15,909
pouty lips and
horn-dog perfume,
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00:02:15,911 --> 00:02:18,779
out to have a good time.
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00:02:18,781 --> 00:02:20,380
Nuh uh.
49
00:02:20,382 --> 00:02:23,450
They're made of toxic venom,
they will sting you,
50
00:02:23,452 --> 00:02:27,154
entrap you and ruin your
fucking life.
51
00:02:30,224 --> 00:02:35,362
(
)
52
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:41,467
Without you
I'd find my smile
53
00:02:41,469 --> 00:02:46,706
Without you
I'd'a won by a mile
54
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:52,745
Without you
Oh life would be so grand
55
00:02:52,747 --> 00:02:57,349
Without you I'm half a man
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00:02:57,351 --> 00:03:11,930
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:15,701
(
wedding music )
58
00:03:15,703 --> 00:03:17,803
Carnations?!
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00:03:17,805 --> 00:03:19,104
Carnations are what you find in
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00:03:19,106 --> 00:03:21,106
your proctologist's office.
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00:03:21,108 --> 00:03:23,842
This guy isn't
taking me seriously.
62
00:03:23,844 --> 00:03:24,876
This is a joke, right?
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00:03:24,878 --> 00:03:26,745
You two geriatric
fuck monkeys aren't
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00:03:26,747 --> 00:03:28,279
actually going
through with this
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00:03:28,281 --> 00:03:29,280
bullshit wedding.
66
00:03:29,282 --> 00:03:30,515
No.
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00:03:30,517 --> 00:03:31,649
We just think flowers cheer
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00:03:31,651 --> 00:03:33,384
this shithole up.
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00:03:34,453 --> 00:03:35,786
Did you call the
retirement homes?
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00:03:35,788 --> 00:03:38,523
Vegetables don't
grow on trees, Ken.
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00:03:38,525 --> 00:03:39,824
Guest list is loaded with
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00:03:39,826 --> 00:03:41,626
Alzheimer's finest.
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00:03:41,628 --> 00:03:43,595
We'll make a killing
on the gifts.
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00:03:43,597 --> 00:03:44,862
I knew this was bullshit.
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00:03:44,864 --> 00:03:46,330
Making a buck puts
the special in
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00:03:46,332 --> 00:03:48,265
special day,
ass-clown.
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00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:49,233
Wouldn't be a Fitzpatrick
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00:03:49,235 --> 00:03:50,434
wedding without it.
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00:03:50,436 --> 00:03:51,769
Just another scam.
80
00:03:51,771 --> 00:03:53,804
Oh, don't be an
asshole, asshole.
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00:03:53,806 --> 00:03:56,373
Your father is
legit and so am I.
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00:03:56,375 --> 00:03:58,408
This is real and
nothing is gonna
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00:03:58,410 --> 00:03:59,509
screw it up.
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00:03:59,511 --> 00:04:00,945
For your information,
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00:04:00,947 --> 00:04:02,446
your mother
and I are in -
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00:04:02,448 --> 00:04:04,748
Say another word
and I will kill you.
87
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:05,716
You know how I feel about that
88
00:04:05,718 --> 00:04:07,451
lovey dovey shit.
89
00:04:09,287 --> 00:04:10,254
Uh fuck!
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00:04:17,462 --> 00:04:19,528
Get out of my room!
Mom!
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00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:21,430
It really is rude not
to knock, Richard.
92
00:04:21,432 --> 00:04:23,266
You morons are in on this too?
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00:04:23,268 --> 00:04:24,934
The dealership's about
to hit rock bottom,
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00:04:24,936 --> 00:04:26,302
that O-Mo clown,
Pat Childs,
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00:04:26,304 --> 00:04:28,238
up our ass and all
Ken cares about is
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00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:29,672
this fucking wedding.
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00:04:29,674 --> 00:04:30,874
Look! I've been
waiting to be a
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00:04:30,876 --> 00:04:32,396
flower girl for the
last thirty-five --
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00:04:33,210 --> 00:04:34,210
twenty-eight years.
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00:04:34,212 --> 00:04:34,943
I even hired security to make
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00:04:34,945 --> 00:04:36,712
sure it happens, okay.
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00:04:36,714 --> 00:04:38,147
Does this dress say
fuck the flower girl
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00:04:38,149 --> 00:04:39,749
to you, or...
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00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:41,617
I volunteered to do the speech.
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00:04:41,619 --> 00:04:42,551
Yeah, I'm researching fun
106
00:04:42,553 --> 00:04:45,954
Fitzpatrick memories now.
107
00:04:45,956 --> 00:04:47,189
Is there anybody
around here who
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00:04:47,191 --> 00:04:48,257
hasn't lost their fucking mind?
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00:04:48,259 --> 00:04:50,259
Do I go with a Quinciano or
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00:04:50,261 --> 00:04:51,660
El Veintitres as my sacred
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00:04:51,662 --> 00:04:53,328
matrimonial sombrero?
112
00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:54,229
You're marrying them?
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00:04:54,231 --> 00:04:55,798
You're not a fucking priest.
114
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,533
Church of La Sagrada
Familia, Dude.
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00:04:58,535 --> 00:05:00,535
Yeah, that's right:
me and Jesus
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00:05:00,537 --> 00:05:02,137
are homies, ese.
117
00:05:03,739 --> 00:05:04,840
(
Mexican music )
118
00:05:04,842 --> 00:05:05,740
Cool hey?
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00:05:05,742 --> 00:05:07,009
I got it off eBay.
120
00:05:07,011 --> 00:05:08,009
Makes everything feel
a little bit more
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00:05:08,011 --> 00:05:09,944
Mexico-y.
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00:05:12,548 --> 00:05:13,014
Oh my.
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00:05:13,016 --> 00:05:13,848
What?
124
00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:15,550
Oh, I'm Meghan.
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00:05:15,552 --> 00:05:16,685
Oooh! Oooh!
126
00:05:17,787 --> 00:05:18,953
Oh, Fuck me.
127
00:05:23,592 --> 00:05:25,459
I just don't understand why you
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00:05:25,461 --> 00:05:27,795
wouldn't tell me that
you have a brother.
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00:05:27,797 --> 00:05:29,197
I was waiting for
the right time,
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00:05:29,199 --> 00:05:30,631
ladybug.
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00:05:30,633 --> 00:05:32,867
He tried to frame
you for pedophilia.
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00:05:34,336 --> 00:05:36,637
Kenneth has his quirks.
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00:05:37,906 --> 00:05:41,408
They seem like awful
people -- they drink,
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00:05:41,410 --> 00:05:43,777
and do drugs, run brothels.
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00:05:43,779 --> 00:05:45,546
I mean Richard
Fitzpatrick tried
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00:05:45,548 --> 00:05:47,381
to sell his own child!
137
00:05:47,383 --> 00:05:50,584
And we were there to save him.
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00:05:50,586 --> 00:05:52,252
Isn't that what family is for?
139
00:05:52,254 --> 00:05:54,788
The Earth takes the
Sun's light and
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00:05:54,790 --> 00:05:56,623
gives nothing in return,
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00:05:56,625 --> 00:05:58,791
except for companionship.
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00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:01,228
I think with time,
you and your new
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00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:04,697
cousin could become
quite close.
144
00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:07,934
I'm not sure that's
the best idea.
145
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:13,139
Who the hell is
buying up all the
146
00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:13,806
used cars in this town?
147
00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:14,707
This is Ken's Job!
148
00:06:14,709 --> 00:06:16,308
Oh, it's nice to hear you admit
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00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:17,109
you're a team.
150
00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:18,110
Never were.
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00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:19,345
Never will be.
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00:06:19,347 --> 00:06:20,347
Richard, the stronger this
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00:06:20,348 --> 00:06:21,414
family is, the stronger your
154
00:06:21,416 --> 00:06:23,082
family business will be.
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00:06:23,084 --> 00:06:24,851
What the hell are
you talking about?
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00:06:24,853 --> 00:06:26,686
Look, this wedding
is a way to embrace
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00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:28,954
the tangled roots of
your family tree.
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00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,022
Which, as it happens,
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00:06:30,024 --> 00:06:31,490
is the metaphor that
forms a narrative
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00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,392
through-line of my
speech.
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00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:35,494
A tale of little Ken and Pat,
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00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,696
brought up single-
handedly by Alice,
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00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,098
working day and
night to provide
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00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,199
a loving home for her sons.
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00:06:40,201 --> 00:06:41,800
I need for my dirty
little boys to stay
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00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:45,070
quiet while Mommy's
working, okay?
167
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,813
Ring off, big boy.
168
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,315
Alice doesn't do married.
169
00:07:03,789 --> 00:07:05,189
Oh ya, baby.
170
00:07:06,625 --> 00:07:08,326
Oooh!
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00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,088
I'm not a dirty boy.
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00:07:10,195 --> 00:07:11,729
I am not a dirty boy.
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00:07:14,599 --> 00:07:15,599
I am.
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00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:18,369
Two peas in a pod.
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00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,771
Like us, Richard!
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00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,239
If Grandma Alice could keep her
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00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:24,508
family together and
earn a good living,
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00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,711
Well then Ken and
Elaine can too.
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00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:30,180
Two peas in a pod.
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00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:31,882
Ya.
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00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:35,385
Larry, for a retard you
are a fucking genius.
182
00:07:35,387 --> 00:07:36,486
I am?
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00:07:36,488 --> 00:07:37,321
What's the one thing
that could fuck up
184
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:38,621
a Fitzpatrick family wedding?
185
00:07:38,623 --> 00:07:39,423
Cash bar!
186
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,357
Pat Childs.
187
00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:41,425
Pat Childs?
188
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:42,459
Nothing says I love
you like a good old
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00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,428
fashion family feud.
190
00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:49,266
What?
191
00:07:56,306 --> 00:07:57,306
Richard!
192
00:07:57,308 --> 00:07:58,808
So happy to see you.
193
00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,643
Hey, thanks for
dropping the charges.
194
00:08:00,645 --> 00:08:02,411
All lessons are worthy lessons,
195
00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:03,746
even if they arise
196
00:08:03,748 --> 00:08:06,182
from fraudulent
pedophilia scams.
197
00:08:06,184 --> 00:08:06,983
Right.
198
00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:07,984
Please.
199
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,787
Whoa! Haha.
200
00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:15,691
So what the fuck are you doing?
201
00:08:15,693 --> 00:08:16,459
Meditating.
202
00:08:16,461 --> 00:08:17,693
Calms the mind.
203
00:08:17,695 --> 00:08:19,128
And gives you hemorrhoids.
204
00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:19,795
You have your father's bawdy
205
00:08:19,797 --> 00:08:21,530
sense of humor.
206
00:08:21,532 --> 00:08:23,132
Speaking of,
you hear the old man
207
00:08:23,134 --> 00:08:25,701
and Elaine are getting
hitched again...
208
00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:27,168
Today.
209
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:28,837
It is happy news.
210
00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:30,071
You know, she still got the
211
00:08:30,073 --> 00:08:32,173
hots for your
scrawny vegan ass.
212
00:08:32,175 --> 00:08:37,679
Well, I do eat
- fish - occasionally.
213
00:08:37,681 --> 00:08:39,080
(chuckles)
214
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:42,550
See, I too have a
bawdy sense of humor.
215
00:08:42,552 --> 00:08:43,684
(chuckles)
216
00:08:43,686 --> 00:08:45,453
So you do, slick.
217
00:08:45,455 --> 00:08:47,788
So you do.
218
00:08:47,790 --> 00:08:49,124
Must be why Elaine
couldn't stop
219
00:08:49,126 --> 00:08:51,493
talking about you
the other night.
220
00:08:51,495 --> 00:08:53,728
Elaine and I haven't seen
each other in years.
221
00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:54,829
She said how much
better her life
222
00:08:54,831 --> 00:08:57,165
would have been if
Ken hadn't stolen
223
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,833
her away from you.
224
00:08:58,835 --> 00:09:01,502
Oh, I wouldn't
call it stealing.
225
00:09:03,939 --> 00:09:05,105
It's true, Lainey and I were
226
00:09:05,107 --> 00:09:07,909
once an item when we
were young.
227
00:09:10,345 --> 00:09:13,047
But, my brother's
interest in her was
228
00:09:13,049 --> 00:09:14,615
purely platonic.
229
00:09:29,497 --> 00:09:33,166
Kenneth was excited
by our relationship.
230
00:09:33,168 --> 00:09:35,535
Really quite enthusiastic.
231
00:09:42,409 --> 00:09:44,377
Did Elaine send you?
232
00:09:44,379 --> 00:09:47,714
Listen, if you ever
wanted another chance,
233
00:09:47,716 --> 00:09:50,015
now's the time, squeaky.
234
00:09:51,452 --> 00:09:53,018
Arghh -- there
I go again,
235
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:56,389
putting my dick in my mouth.
236
00:09:56,391 --> 00:10:12,170
(
)
237
00:10:12,172 --> 00:10:14,439
(weird whistling)
238
00:10:14,441 --> 00:10:15,240
Oh fuck me.
239
00:10:15,242 --> 00:10:16,508
What do you want, Vince?
240
00:10:16,510 --> 00:10:19,111
My alien overlord's
earthly flock has grown.
241
00:10:19,113 --> 00:10:20,879
We require a new vessel.
242
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,114
You want to buy a car?
243
00:10:22,116 --> 00:10:22,981
How are you going
to pay for it?
244
00:10:22,983 --> 00:10:24,416
With shopping carts?
245
00:10:24,418 --> 00:10:26,518
I'll pay a fair price.
246
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,019
And, once you've
received the star
247
00:10:28,021 --> 00:10:30,922
master's insertion,
you can come with us.
248
00:10:30,924 --> 00:10:32,591
The plains of Themis
glitter with the
249
00:10:32,593 --> 00:10:35,494
spilled milk of unicorn mares.
250
00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:42,166
Hey, you're not authorized to
251
00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:43,534
dispense space messages yet.
252
00:10:43,536 --> 00:10:44,636
Stay still.
253
00:10:46,204 --> 00:10:47,105
Fuck me.
254
00:10:47,107 --> 00:10:48,840
Childs doesn't waste any time.
255
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:53,577
My mom and Childs?
256
00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:55,912
They were up to
something together
257
00:10:55,914 --> 00:10:56,880
all along.
258
00:10:58,416 --> 00:11:01,718
They're trying to take us down!
259
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:02,719
Fuck.
260
00:11:08,826 --> 00:11:10,427
What the fuck are
you looking at?
261
00:11:10,429 --> 00:11:11,962
The geriatric asshole whose
262
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:14,330
brother and wife-to-be
are fucking him over.
263
00:11:14,332 --> 00:11:16,099
I just saw Elaine
with your brother.
264
00:11:16,101 --> 00:11:18,802
The brother she still loves.
265
00:11:19,837 --> 00:11:21,304
What the fuck is
wrong with you?
266
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,439
Lo siento, Se?or Fitzpatrick,
267
00:11:23,441 --> 00:11:24,975
no entiendo.
268
00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,376
Mom's joining forces
with Childs.
269
00:11:26,378 --> 00:11:27,777
They'll wipe us out for good.
270
00:11:27,779 --> 00:11:31,013
Nothing is going to
destroy my special day,
271
00:11:31,015 --> 00:11:33,616
you ungrateful little shit.
272
00:11:34,851 --> 00:11:37,019
Oh what's that?
273
00:11:37,021 --> 00:11:38,020
We're at capacity?
274
00:11:38,022 --> 00:11:39,088
I'm sorry.
275
00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:40,390
I'm going to have to
ask you to leave.
276
00:11:40,392 --> 00:11:41,224
Fuck you.
277
00:11:41,226 --> 00:11:42,692
Base camp to Cholita.
278
00:11:42,694 --> 00:11:43,426
Over.
279
00:11:43,428 --> 00:11:44,526
Cholita?
280
00:11:44,528 --> 00:11:45,828
What?
281
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:46,829
My prison friends offered to do
282
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:47,697
security for work credits.
283
00:11:47,699 --> 00:11:48,698
Racist.
284
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,032
You can't tell me to leave!
285
00:11:50,034 --> 00:11:51,533
Daddy put me in
charge of security,
286
00:11:51,535 --> 00:11:53,602
and no one is going to
ruin my special day,
287
00:11:53,604 --> 00:11:55,805
not even you, Dick.
288
00:11:55,807 --> 00:11:57,272
Do your thing,
Cho-cho.
289
00:11:57,274 --> 00:11:58,708
Oh la ley.
290
00:11:58,710 --> 00:11:59,508
Hey.
291
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,042
I like my ladies large.
292
00:12:01,044 --> 00:12:02,277
Do you?
293
00:12:02,279 --> 00:12:03,278
So do I, asshole.
294
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:03,745
Let's go.
295
00:12:03,747 --> 00:12:07,349
Ow, ow, OW!
296
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:15,790
Hey, Richard.
297
00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:16,791
Cuz.
298
00:12:18,961 --> 00:12:20,128
What are you doing here?
299
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,931
Well, I thought now
that we're related,
300
00:12:22,933 --> 00:12:25,734
it'd be a good idea
for us to get to
301
00:12:25,736 --> 00:12:26,667
know each other.
302
00:12:26,669 --> 00:12:27,501
Or your old man
sent you here to
303
00:12:27,503 --> 00:12:28,837
fuck with me.
304
00:12:30,806 --> 00:12:32,941
Like you don't know
what's going on.
305
00:12:32,943 --> 00:12:34,542
I know my father has
family he never
306
00:12:34,544 --> 00:12:36,377
told me about.
307
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:38,379
I know that you're my cousin.
308
00:12:38,381 --> 00:12:41,315
And my last name isn't Childs.
309
00:12:41,317 --> 00:12:42,516
Even though I don't
usually touch
310
00:12:42,518 --> 00:12:43,484
alcoholic beverages,
311
00:12:43,486 --> 00:12:45,919
I could really use a drink.
312
00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:00,500
You're seriously
not in on this?
313
00:13:02,536 --> 00:13:04,371
She marries Ken,
314
00:13:04,373 --> 00:13:06,706
she gets fifty percent
of my dealership --
315
00:13:06,708 --> 00:13:09,676
she flips it to your father.
316
00:13:09,678 --> 00:13:11,010
We can't run an honest business
317
00:13:11,012 --> 00:13:12,044
with secret deals.
318
00:13:14,382 --> 00:13:15,948
We have to stop them.
319
00:13:15,950 --> 00:13:17,250
Only way to stop the
merger is to
320
00:13:17,252 --> 00:13:18,752
stop the wedding.
321
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:20,487
I can't get in --
322
00:13:22,089 --> 00:13:24,090
But you can.
323
00:13:24,092 --> 00:13:36,936
(
)
324
00:13:36,938 --> 00:13:37,970
Okay, come on.
325
00:13:37,972 --> 00:13:39,405
Oh Christmas paper.
326
00:13:39,407 --> 00:13:40,005
That's wonderful.
327
00:13:40,007 --> 00:13:40,972
So great.
328
00:13:40,974 --> 00:13:42,140
Oh wow!
329
00:13:42,142 --> 00:13:42,741
You really went all out.
330
00:13:42,743 --> 00:13:43,742
It's Fantastic.
331
00:13:43,744 --> 00:13:44,576
Who the hell called the cheap
332
00:13:44,578 --> 00:13:45,844
retirement home?
333
00:13:45,846 --> 00:13:47,946
Why can't anyone
remember to bring cash?
334
00:13:47,948 --> 00:13:49,648
Fucking Altzy's.
335
00:13:49,650 --> 00:13:51,417
Ok, de-de-de.
336
00:13:51,419 --> 00:13:52,418
Are you single?
337
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:53,452
What?
338
00:13:53,454 --> 00:13:55,086
Answer the question.
339
00:13:55,088 --> 00:13:56,754
Yes.
340
00:13:56,756 --> 00:13:57,655
Next!
341
00:13:57,657 --> 00:13:59,291
But I'm your cousin.
342
00:13:59,293 --> 00:14:00,458
You think you're the
first one to play
343
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:01,893
this bullshit cousin card.
344
00:14:01,895 --> 00:14:03,161
There are men in there.
345
00:14:03,163 --> 00:14:04,930
Hot single men.
346
00:14:04,932 --> 00:14:06,597
You're not gonna get
in my way so just
347
00:14:06,599 --> 00:14:09,367
move along, sister.
348
00:14:09,369 --> 00:14:11,837
You and your prettiness.
349
00:14:11,839 --> 00:14:12,570
Ok, keep moving.
350
00:14:12,572 --> 00:14:13,438
Oh a pitcher?
351
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,673
That's stellar.
352
00:14:15,675 --> 00:14:17,174
Ah buh buh.
353
00:14:18,377 --> 00:14:19,644
Who sent you an invitation?
354
00:14:19,646 --> 00:14:20,911
The only invitation
I have is the one my
355
00:14:20,913 --> 00:14:23,314
alien overlord
sent me --
356
00:14:23,316 --> 00:14:24,716
an invitation of light,
357
00:14:24,718 --> 00:14:29,286
sweet star maiden of
the Martian canals.
358
00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:30,554
Okay that's hot.
359
00:14:30,556 --> 00:14:31,488
You're in.
360
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:32,857
Move along.
361
00:14:32,859 --> 00:14:33,490
Great.
362
00:14:35,961 --> 00:14:37,127
Keep moving.
363
00:14:40,365 --> 00:14:41,365
Oh, dear.
364
00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:50,006
Showtime.
365
00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:55,345
Patricia, so glad
you could make it.
366
00:14:55,347 --> 00:14:59,549
Kenneth, wouldn't have
missed it for the world.
367
00:14:59,551 --> 00:15:03,987
I ah, I brought the
lovely bride a gift.
368
00:15:03,989 --> 00:15:05,288
A key to the first car off the
369
00:15:05,290 --> 00:15:07,357
O-Mobile assembly
line when we
370
00:15:07,359 --> 00:15:10,093
start up production.
371
00:15:10,095 --> 00:15:14,430
I saved you the best
seat in the house, bro.
372
00:15:16,233 --> 00:15:18,434
What the fuck is this?
373
00:15:23,774 --> 00:15:24,774
Ladies.
374
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,315
Oh, hello Richard.
375
00:15:33,317 --> 00:15:34,950
Paula.
376
00:15:34,952 --> 00:15:36,184
Out of my way,
cock-cheese.
377
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,319
I got a wedding to fuck up.
378
00:15:37,321 --> 00:15:38,453
Richard, I commend
your Herculean
379
00:15:38,455 --> 00:15:40,122
efforts to attend
your mother and
380
00:15:40,124 --> 00:15:42,857
father's re-nuptials
and I am here to help.
381
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,926
Yeah you can help me
382
00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:45,193
by getting out
of my fucking way.
383
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,328
No no, as master of ceremonies,
384
00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:47,796
I have a plan to ceremonially
385
00:15:47,798 --> 00:15:49,764
mastermind your day in the sun.
386
00:15:49,766 --> 00:15:52,166
All you need to do
is wait here.
387
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,569
I won't be but a minute.
388
00:15:56,071 --> 00:15:58,706
I don't mind waiting here.
389
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:02,243
(giggles)
390
00:16:02,245 --> 00:16:03,411
Yet another rich
391
00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:04,712
family Fitzpatrick tradition.
392
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,614
Locks on the outside.
393
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:10,151
That elongated cock-
midget locked us in!!
394
00:16:10,153 --> 00:16:12,286
Larry, open this fucking door!
395
00:16:12,288 --> 00:16:15,256
There's a robust latina
guarding the window.
396
00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:16,523
Oh fuck.
397
00:16:19,027 --> 00:16:20,328
I guess we're just
going to have
398
00:16:20,330 --> 00:16:21,662
to wait it out.
399
00:16:23,631 --> 00:16:24,631
Here.
400
00:16:26,835 --> 00:16:28,134
On this bed.
401
00:16:40,047 --> 00:16:41,047
(
)
402
00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:47,120
I thought the groom
wasn't supposed to
403
00:16:47,122 --> 00:16:48,754
see the bride on
his special day.
404
00:16:48,756 --> 00:16:50,991
The groom can fuck
off and tell me
405
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:52,359
who in the hell invited little
406
00:16:52,361 --> 00:16:54,961
Patty Handwasher to my wedding.
407
00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:58,263
Can the groom give
you this first?
408
00:17:00,968 --> 00:17:03,035
Same thing I wore
the first time
409
00:17:03,037 --> 00:17:04,303
we got hitched.
410
00:17:04,305 --> 00:17:07,039
I even had the bullet
hole repaired.
411
00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:08,774
What are you up to, old man?
412
00:17:08,776 --> 00:17:12,678
Lainey, I want it to
be exactly the same.
413
00:17:15,515 --> 00:17:16,915
Let's do this.
414
00:17:18,284 --> 00:17:19,284
(
)
415
00:17:26,326 --> 00:17:28,060
(snoring)
416
00:17:28,062 --> 00:17:33,398
(
)
417
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,334
The place of honor
for Grandma Alice.
418
00:17:36,336 --> 00:17:39,437
(snoring)
419
00:17:39,439 --> 00:17:40,939
Josh.
420
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:44,876
Joshua, it's time for the vows!
421
00:17:44,878 --> 00:17:47,445
?Donde esta?
422
00:17:53,519 --> 00:17:54,818
Buenos Dias.
423
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,320
Buenos Tardes.
424
00:17:56,322 --> 00:17:57,688
Buenos Nachos.
425
00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:03,261
Ok, ready to go.
426
00:18:03,263 --> 00:18:22,079
(
)
427
00:18:22,081 --> 00:18:24,181
(giggles flirtatiously)
428
00:18:24,183 --> 00:18:25,315
All rise.
429
00:18:25,317 --> 00:18:37,961
(
)
430
00:18:37,963 --> 00:18:39,295
Oh ya!
431
00:18:39,297 --> 00:18:46,102
(
)
432
00:18:46,104 --> 00:18:48,237
No European country
prohibits marriage
433
00:18:48,239 --> 00:18:50,073
between first cousins.
434
00:18:50,075 --> 00:18:54,410
(
)
435
00:18:54,412 --> 00:18:57,513
Oh! It's allowed in
Canada and Mexico too.
436
00:18:57,515 --> 00:18:58,514
Oh.
437
00:18:58,516 --> 00:19:03,719
(
)
438
00:19:03,721 --> 00:19:04,820
It's like we're one.
439
00:19:04,822 --> 00:19:08,023
Yeah, it's like I'm
fucking myself!
440
00:19:08,025 --> 00:19:16,698
(
)
441
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,700
(sneezes)
442
00:19:18,702 --> 00:19:20,168
Is this the water closet?
443
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:21,136
Uh, oh.
444
00:19:21,138 --> 00:19:22,470
No no, keep it open!
445
00:19:22,472 --> 00:19:24,039
Keep it op-oop.
446
00:19:26,509 --> 00:19:29,076
(in a bad Mexican accent)
Hombres e Hombriettas,
447
00:19:29,078 --> 00:19:31,246
we are gathered here today to
448
00:19:31,248 --> 00:19:32,480
unite perfection.
449
00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:33,981
Much like chips and salsa;
450
00:19:33,983 --> 00:19:37,619
Ken is brittle and salty;
451
00:19:37,621 --> 00:19:40,421
and Elaine is
fiery and caliente,
452
00:19:40,423 --> 00:19:43,557
and filled with big
chunks of tomatos.
453
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:46,127
Shut your fajita hole, moron.
454
00:19:46,129 --> 00:19:47,061
Ok.
455
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:48,796
We are not doing
shit until you tell
456
00:19:48,798 --> 00:19:51,431
me why your brother is here.
457
00:19:51,433 --> 00:19:53,668
Shouldn't he be asking
you that, Mom?!
458
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,469
Tell him about your
deal with Childs!
459
00:19:55,471 --> 00:19:56,837
Gold Schnapps?
460
00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:01,141
Leave it alone, kid.
461
00:20:01,143 --> 00:20:02,176
My business is none of your
462
00:20:02,178 --> 00:20:03,410
fucking business.
463
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:04,678
Who do you think's
been buying up
464
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,213
all the used stock in town huh?
465
00:20:06,215 --> 00:20:08,748
Mr. Fucking Save-the-
Fairy-Polar-Bears,
466
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,116
that's who.
467
00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:11,418
He wants to destroy
our dealership.
468
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:12,686
And they're in on it together!
469
00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:13,987
Why do you think he's here.
470
00:20:13,989 --> 00:20:15,989
This is not in my research.
471
00:20:15,991 --> 00:20:18,024
Keep your pants on,
cum-stain.
472
00:20:18,026 --> 00:20:19,693
I invited him.
473
00:20:19,695 --> 00:20:21,127
What the fuck are
you talking about?
474
00:20:21,129 --> 00:20:23,029
I invited him.
475
00:20:23,031 --> 00:20:24,798
Mushroom cock still has the
476
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,067
hots for Lainey.
477
00:20:27,069 --> 00:20:28,802
I just wanted to see his face
478
00:20:28,804 --> 00:20:30,536
before I stole her away again.
479
00:20:30,538 --> 00:20:32,705
Mother fucker.
480
00:20:32,707 --> 00:20:34,106
You only proposed
to me to get back
481
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:35,474
at your brother?
482
00:20:35,476 --> 00:20:37,142
And you.
483
00:20:37,144 --> 00:20:38,644
You wanted shut us down because
484
00:20:38,646 --> 00:20:40,413
you still want me?
485
00:20:41,548 --> 00:20:42,981
Elaine, I think
it's time we told
486
00:20:42,983 --> 00:20:44,883
everyone the truth.
487
00:20:46,353 --> 00:20:48,053
What the fuck is going on?
488
00:20:48,055 --> 00:20:49,855
I helped organize
this event in the
489
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,556
name of family
reconciliation and
490
00:20:51,558 --> 00:20:53,592
the choice between
chicken and fish.
491
00:20:53,594 --> 00:20:54,526
Chicken.
492
00:20:54,528 --> 00:20:57,162
In the name of narrative truth!
493
00:20:57,164 --> 00:21:00,966
Yeah, so ah, what's
going on here guys?
494
00:21:08,708 --> 00:21:12,143
Alright, you want
to know the truth?
495
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:15,213
I love you, Lainey.
496
00:21:15,215 --> 00:21:18,883
Stop being a sniveling
douchebag, Patty.
497
00:21:18,885 --> 00:21:20,452
You're so zesty!
498
00:21:20,454 --> 00:21:25,623
Ah, well I had been going
steady with Mr. Clean
499
00:21:25,625 --> 00:21:27,191
for far too many hellish years
500
00:21:27,193 --> 00:21:28,926
when he decided to
save my honor and
501
00:21:28,928 --> 00:21:29,894
pop the question.
502
00:21:32,697 --> 00:21:35,266
In front of his mother no less.
503
00:21:35,268 --> 00:21:39,236
Elaine, will you marry me?
504
00:21:39,238 --> 00:21:40,304
God I need a drink.
505
00:21:40,306 --> 00:21:42,906
I hate this
kind of romantic shit.
506
00:21:42,908 --> 00:21:44,341
But what the cock-
washer didn't know
507
00:21:44,343 --> 00:21:45,909
was that I'd been
eyeing his brother
508
00:21:45,911 --> 00:21:46,910
the whole time.
509
00:21:46,912 --> 00:21:48,044
She's right.
510
00:21:48,046 --> 00:21:50,614
You are a sniveling douchebag.
511
00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:54,017
Sure, Pat would have been
the sensible choice.
512
00:21:54,019 --> 00:21:56,452
But then he said the
one thing that
513
00:21:56,454 --> 00:21:58,688
pushed me over
the edge --
514
00:21:58,690 --> 00:21:59,790
But when
we made --
515
00:21:59,792 --> 00:22:01,124
Stop.
516
00:22:01,126 --> 00:22:02,659
Don't say it.
517
00:22:02,661 --> 00:22:04,327
Made love.
518
00:22:04,329 --> 00:22:06,129
We made sweet sweet love.
519
00:22:06,131 --> 00:22:07,998
(retching)
520
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:08,731
Get it off.
521
00:22:08,733 --> 00:22:10,233
GET IT OFF!
522
00:22:12,869 --> 00:22:15,805
Dirty boy!
Dirty boy!
523
00:22:15,807 --> 00:22:17,340
Vegas or bust.
524
00:22:17,342 --> 00:22:18,608
You coming, baby?
525
00:22:18,610 --> 00:22:19,742
Fuck, yeah.
526
00:22:21,945 --> 00:22:22,945
Lainey!
527
00:22:25,482 --> 00:22:26,882
Lainey!
528
00:22:26,884 --> 00:22:27,717
So O-Mo's
a Homo.
529
00:22:27,719 --> 00:22:29,451
We all knew that.
530
00:22:34,991 --> 00:22:36,926
I was pregnant, fucknuckle.
531
00:22:36,928 --> 00:22:38,427
(crowd oohs)
532
00:22:38,429 --> 00:22:40,429
Jesus Christ, Lainey.
533
00:22:43,967 --> 00:22:45,033
Wait, uh.
534
00:22:45,035 --> 00:22:46,935
Pregnant with Richard?
535
00:22:48,070 --> 00:22:49,270
Ehh, yeah.
536
00:22:49,272 --> 00:22:51,206
So Pat Childs is...
537
00:22:52,842 --> 00:22:56,345
Richard, I am your real father.
538
00:22:57,613 --> 00:22:59,781
Ay dios mio.
539
00:22:59,783 --> 00:23:02,917
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
540
00:23:04,686 --> 00:23:05,786
You know how much it cost me
541
00:23:05,788 --> 00:23:07,922
to raise that little shitsack?
542
00:23:07,924 --> 00:23:08,990
Lots.
543
00:23:08,992 --> 00:23:10,458
Last week Elaine
asked me to sign
544
00:23:10,460 --> 00:23:11,625
a non-disclosure
agreement to keep
545
00:23:11,627 --> 00:23:15,063
Ken from finding
out the truth...
546
00:23:15,065 --> 00:23:20,407
Ah, so that
means Paula is --
547
00:23:22,036 --> 00:23:23,371
-- My sister?
548
00:23:28,606 --> 00:23:32,646
This means I'm an only
mother-fucking child!
549
00:23:32,648 --> 00:23:33,981
Ooh ooh!
550
00:23:37,151 --> 00:23:47,176
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
551
00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:51,776
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