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Previously on Call Me Fitz.
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00:00:28,373 --> 00:00:30,573
You got yourself a
life sentence the second
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00:00:30,575 --> 00:00:33,410
you whipped your dick out
of your pants, Fitzpatrick.
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00:00:33,412 --> 00:00:36,012
There's no escaping parenthood.
5
00:00:36,014 --> 00:00:37,713
First they sabotaged
our insurance claim.
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00:00:37,715 --> 00:00:40,016
Now they outbid us
on the new fleet.
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00:00:40,018 --> 00:00:41,518
Someone is trying
to bring us down.
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00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,252
Let me see the little guy.
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00:00:43,254 --> 00:00:44,453
Free with every purchase.
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00:00:44,455 --> 00:00:46,522
You have got beautiful eyes.
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00:00:47,458 --> 00:00:49,058
Just like your daddy.
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00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:50,059
We're rebranding.
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00:00:50,061 --> 00:00:51,893
Fitzpatrick Family Motors.
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00:00:51,895 --> 00:00:54,329
So now you want the kid?
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00:00:54,331 --> 00:00:57,366
I am all he has, I am his home.
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00:00:57,368 --> 00:01:00,001
I'll send a caseworker
for a home visit today.
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00:01:00,003 --> 00:01:01,736
Where are we supposed to
find a house with no money,
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00:01:01,738 --> 00:01:03,237
no one to vouch for us and...
19
00:01:03,239 --> 00:01:04,272
No!
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00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:05,406
What's my cut?
21
00:01:05,408 --> 00:01:07,742
Two hits of crank
and some lip balm?
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00:01:07,744 --> 00:01:08,843
I gotta get the dealership back
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00:01:08,845 --> 00:01:09,945
on track.
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00:01:09,947 --> 00:01:11,980
And this kid, he's our angle.
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00:01:13,382 --> 00:01:15,116
So we're a fucking
family, now what?
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00:01:18,753 --> 00:01:21,822
Shockingly, everything
seems to be in order.
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00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:23,290
We'll see you next week.
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00:01:25,928 --> 00:01:27,260
What do you mean next week?
29
00:01:27,262 --> 00:01:29,029
Court ordered visits
for the first six months.
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00:01:29,031 --> 00:01:31,831
All Fitzpatricks
in the same home.
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00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:34,567
So we can keep an eye on you.
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00:01:39,873 --> 00:01:50,415
♪ A choir hums
A Closer Walk With Thee ♪
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Times like this,
a man can't help but think
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00:01:53,186 --> 00:01:55,687
the Good Book had it right.
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00:01:55,689 --> 00:01:59,257
You know, the part with the
raping and the pillaging,
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00:01:59,259 --> 00:02:03,161
where the wolf screws the lamb
and the leopard blows the lion -
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00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:05,963
Or however the fuck that goes.
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00:02:07,099 --> 00:02:11,135
Anyway, the one that
ends with the kid.
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00:02:11,137 --> 00:02:14,772
The kid that shall lead them.
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00:02:14,774 --> 00:02:18,175
I know exactly how the
old man upstairs felt.
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00:02:18,177 --> 00:02:22,411
Because this little shit-
dispenser is gonna lead me
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00:02:22,413 --> 00:02:25,214
to cold, hard cash.
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00:02:40,031 --> 00:02:42,297
I told you this
family-friendly crap
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00:02:42,299 --> 00:02:43,899
was an ass move.
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00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:54,142
Fuck.
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00:02:58,882 --> 00:03:05,053
♪ Without you
I'd find my smile ♪
47
00:03:05,055 --> 00:03:10,290
♪ Without you
I'd'a won by a mile ♪
48
00:03:10,292 --> 00:03:16,296
♪ Without you
Oh life would be so grand ♪
49
00:03:16,298 --> 00:03:21,301
♪ Without you I'm half a man ♪
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00:03:21,303 --> 00:03:35,347
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,355
You think you're
having a tough day?
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00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,724
Some asshole painted
over my billboard
53
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,693
with a glory hole ad.
54
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,761
Yeah, we never owned
that billboard, dude.
55
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,263
Listen up,
you back-waxing wop.
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00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,997
I'm Ken goddamned Fitzpatrick!
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00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:56,800
You think I can't
unload these shitboxes?
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00:03:56,802 --> 00:03:58,869
Oh yeah?
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00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,838
Nobody hangs up on--
60
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:05,209
This loan shark is
balls deep in my ass
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00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,545
and your little bastard's
coming up donuts.
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00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,213
It's a baby's fault
your geriatric ass
63
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:10,848
can't run a fucking business?
64
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:11,949
No, it's yours.
65
00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:13,283
The dick trap who
came up with this
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00:04:13,285 --> 00:04:14,884
family angle.
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00:04:14,886 --> 00:04:17,954
Now we've got a fleet
of twat boxes to unload.
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00:04:17,956 --> 00:04:20,457
Ah, sorry as you were.
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00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:23,360
Relax, I know what
I'm fucking doing.
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00:04:23,362 --> 00:04:25,295
Look, we ran our old
place off a cheapskates,
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00:04:25,297 --> 00:04:28,430
and getaway cars,
and premium scrap.
72
00:04:28,432 --> 00:04:29,698
What the hell do you know about
73
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,367
pushing family angle?
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00:04:31,369 --> 00:04:34,169
I know this --
if the moms won't
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00:04:34,171 --> 00:04:36,538
come to Fitzy, Fitzy will come
76
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:38,574
to the moms...
77
00:04:38,576 --> 00:04:39,675
Ah, man again?
78
00:04:42,445 --> 00:04:44,345
I don't know why
you're talking to me.
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00:04:44,347 --> 00:04:45,980
I already told you
Richard is the one
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00:04:45,982 --> 00:04:46,947
who needs help.
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00:04:46,949 --> 00:04:50,084
Look, I know he can
be a good father.
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00:04:50,086 --> 00:04:51,252
He just...
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00:04:51,254 --> 00:04:52,853
he's got problems.
84
00:04:52,855 --> 00:04:54,656
Oh, he's got problems?
85
00:04:54,658 --> 00:04:57,224
This guy thinks he
can eat styrofoam.
86
00:04:57,226 --> 00:05:01,161
Here's a woman enjoys
coitus with lawn ornaments.
87
00:05:01,163 --> 00:05:03,664
This next one he's a
compulsive finger-licker,
88
00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:05,532
but not his own,
and the last guy
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00:05:05,534 --> 00:05:07,033
I interviewed,
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00:05:07,035 --> 00:05:09,636
took a shit in that chair.
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00:05:12,106 --> 00:05:13,674
Well, ah, I assure you
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00:05:13,676 --> 00:05:17,176
I am one hundred
percent sane, mister.
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00:05:17,178 --> 00:05:19,144
Oh, I'm sorry,
this court-ordered
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00:05:19,146 --> 00:05:21,580
psych evaluation must be wrong.
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00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,382
It, it says here you
need to have your
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00:05:23,384 --> 00:05:26,619
mentally-unbalanced
ass assessed or you get
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00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:31,056
detained for being
a threat to a kid.
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00:05:31,058 --> 00:05:32,957
I'm not the one who
left a dead grandmother
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00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:34,326
in the basement!
100
00:05:34,328 --> 00:05:35,360
We checked.
101
00:05:35,362 --> 00:05:39,297
Zero dead grandmother,
one ranting lunatic.
102
00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:41,766
I was angry.
103
00:05:41,768 --> 00:05:43,702
Who then proceeded to
strip down to his underwear.
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00:05:43,704 --> 00:05:44,869
And warm.
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00:05:44,871 --> 00:05:47,104
Polyesters make me damp.
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00:05:47,106 --> 00:05:48,472
Sit your ass down, chief,
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00:05:48,474 --> 00:05:51,775
let me run through this
checklist of questions.
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00:05:51,777 --> 00:05:53,711
Look, don't say
anything stupid for
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00:05:53,713 --> 00:05:55,579
the next sixty seconds
and we'll both get
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00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:57,881
the hell out of here.
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00:05:57,883 --> 00:05:59,149
Don't worry.
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00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:02,252
I am emotionally and
psychologically solvent...
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00:06:02,254 --> 00:06:03,887
Which isn't easy
when you're the living,
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00:06:03,889 --> 00:06:06,989
breathing embodiment of
another man's conscience.
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00:06:08,959 --> 00:06:11,060
Fuck you, Monday.
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00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:31,880
You smoke in front of
your kid, asshole?
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00:06:31,882 --> 00:06:33,281
Lucky for him my
windows were open,
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00:06:33,283 --> 00:06:35,484
thanks to my
half-tint Power Glides:
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00:06:35,486 --> 00:06:37,518
Ventilation at the
touch of a button.
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00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,786
Who the fuck are you?
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00:06:38,788 --> 00:06:40,888
Richard Fitzpatrick,
president and CEO of
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00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:43,290
Fitzpatrick Motors,
the finest selection of
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00:06:43,292 --> 00:06:45,325
pre-owned family
friendly vehicles
124
00:06:45,327 --> 00:06:46,894
this side of Detroit.
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00:06:46,896 --> 00:06:48,061
A used car salesman.
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00:06:48,063 --> 00:06:50,197
Woah, woah, woah,
that is no ordinary
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00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:52,565
pre-owned vehicle,
it also comes with a
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00:06:52,567 --> 00:06:54,333
gift certificate
to Chuck E. Cheese.
129
00:06:54,335 --> 00:06:56,536
Please don't tell me
that place still exists.
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00:06:56,538 --> 00:06:58,337
My kid had nightmares
for months.
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00:06:58,339 --> 00:06:59,639
Singing mice.
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00:06:59,641 --> 00:07:01,875
Hey it's cheap,
employs hot coeds
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00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:03,443
and serves bottomless
moo juice.
134
00:07:03,445 --> 00:07:04,711
Cow milk?
135
00:07:04,713 --> 00:07:06,245
Soleil gets only
free-range goat.
136
00:07:06,247 --> 00:07:07,747
Or almond, which I import from
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00:07:07,749 --> 00:07:08,781
an organic farm -
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00:07:08,783 --> 00:07:10,716
You see, we have
so much in common.
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00:07:10,718 --> 00:07:12,484
I too am a new parent,
struggling to
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00:07:12,486 --> 00:07:14,185
raise my child.
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00:07:17,590 --> 00:07:19,825
I was CEO of a
Fortune 500 company,
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00:07:19,827 --> 00:07:20,992
you want to impress me?
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00:07:20,994 --> 00:07:23,395
Show up in a Learjet.
144
00:07:24,797 --> 00:07:26,431
Feisty.
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00:07:26,433 --> 00:07:27,565
Fitzy like.
146
00:07:29,868 --> 00:07:32,069
Another dad called
me feisty once,
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00:07:32,071 --> 00:07:33,638
and we all know what
happened to him.
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00:07:38,611 --> 00:07:40,777
You think that's goddamn funny?
149
00:07:40,779 --> 00:07:41,778
No.
150
00:07:43,548 --> 00:07:44,881
Using a precious,
innocent life force
151
00:07:44,883 --> 00:07:46,883
to sell scrap metal deathtraps?
152
00:07:46,885 --> 00:07:48,985
How dare you spit
on the happiest moment
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00:07:48,987 --> 00:07:51,354
of my life!!!
154
00:07:55,493 --> 00:07:57,326
So you live inside the mind
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00:07:57,328 --> 00:07:59,328
of a used car salesman.
156
00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:00,563
Pre-owned!
157
00:08:00,565 --> 00:08:03,265
It's not that difficult
to understand.
158
00:08:03,267 --> 00:08:05,133
Richard lacks a moral compass,
159
00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:07,235
so I provide him
with direction.
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00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,403
Helpful hints.
161
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:12,341
Like hangover cures
for the soul.
162
00:08:12,343 --> 00:08:14,141
So how does this
tie into your one man
163
00:08:14,143 --> 00:08:15,810
naked conga-line?
164
00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:18,480
Look, every man has
his limits, okay,
165
00:08:18,482 --> 00:08:20,381
and mine happens to be
finding the remains of
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00:08:20,383 --> 00:08:23,918
a dead grandmother
neglected in a basement.
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00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,088
Oh goody, he's deflecting
back to the grandmother.
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00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,789
Let's talk about this so called
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00:08:28,791 --> 00:08:30,557
"Grandmother."
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00:08:30,559 --> 00:08:32,626
Don't you air-quote
me, mister!
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00:08:32,628 --> 00:08:34,060
She was real!
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00:08:34,062 --> 00:08:36,830
You need to quit yelling.
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00:08:36,832 --> 00:08:39,633
Okay.
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00:08:39,635 --> 00:08:40,901
Or at least she was real.
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00:08:40,903 --> 00:08:43,937
Maybe she's a manifestation
of your own loneliness.
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00:08:43,939 --> 00:08:45,638
Ever think of that one ace?
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00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,474
I mean what if,
and I'm going out
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00:08:47,476 --> 00:08:50,943
on a limb here,
nobody likes ya?
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00:08:52,513 --> 00:08:54,247
That's not very nice.
180
00:08:54,249 --> 00:08:57,350
Richard likes me.
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00:08:57,352 --> 00:08:59,052
Or at least, he used to.
182
00:08:59,054 --> 00:09:01,686
And the wrapper comes
off the nutbar.
183
00:09:01,688 --> 00:09:04,023
So tell me,
what's changed over at
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00:09:04,025 --> 00:09:06,758
Functional Family HQ?
185
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,093
Nothing.
186
00:09:08,095 --> 00:09:09,361
Everything's fine.
187
00:09:11,898 --> 00:09:14,866
What could possibly
have changed?
188
00:09:14,868 --> 00:09:16,135
Fuck!
189
00:09:16,137 --> 00:09:18,069
When did new moms
become sushi-eating,
190
00:09:18,071 --> 00:09:20,071
home-schooling,
yoga sluts?
191
00:09:20,073 --> 00:09:21,872
They don't make them
like they used to, baby.
192
00:09:21,874 --> 00:09:22,973
What the fuck do
those entitled skanks
193
00:09:22,975 --> 00:09:24,142
know about parenting anyway?
194
00:09:24,144 --> 00:09:25,809
I mean I do my time.
195
00:09:25,811 --> 00:09:28,311
I wipe this little
turd-monkey's ass.
196
00:09:28,313 --> 00:09:29,780
It's not like he pulls
his weight around here.
197
00:09:29,782 --> 00:09:31,415
Fucker doesn't even
like my jokes.
198
00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:33,350
What's the matter,
little Fitzy?
199
00:09:33,352 --> 00:09:35,285
Can't function without
your homo friend?
200
00:09:35,287 --> 00:09:36,453
Fuck Larry.
201
00:09:36,455 --> 00:09:38,422
AWOL just like this
little shit's mother.
202
00:09:41,859 --> 00:09:43,125
Ugh, why does this
taste like ass?
203
00:09:43,127 --> 00:09:44,928
It's cheese spread on crackers
204
00:09:44,930 --> 00:09:45,728
it's a summer classic.
205
00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:46,963
What summer?
206
00:09:48,365 --> 00:09:49,599
1984.
207
00:09:49,601 --> 00:09:50,299
Alright, you want to keep
208
00:09:50,301 --> 00:09:51,267
living here rent free?
209
00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:52,168
You better start earning it.
210
00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:53,135
Up the snacks.
211
00:09:53,137 --> 00:09:54,270
And you.
212
00:09:54,272 --> 00:09:54,938
Do you think it's
easy to pull this
213
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,439
shit-train solo?
214
00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:58,406
Don't be such a pussy.
215
00:09:58,408 --> 00:09:59,875
You let a bunch of
moms throw you
216
00:09:59,877 --> 00:10:01,076
out of the playground.
217
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,644
Just like in third grade
when that little redhead
218
00:10:02,646 --> 00:10:04,079
stole your smokes
and left you crying
219
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:06,114
on the ground with
your thumb up your ass.
220
00:10:06,116 --> 00:10:07,649
She weighed two hundred pounds!
221
00:10:07,651 --> 00:10:10,351
You never could face
up to strong women.
222
00:10:12,121 --> 00:10:16,290
Two words Mom:
Fuck, followed by you.
223
00:10:16,292 --> 00:10:17,257
Your daddy is scared of
224
00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:18,826
strong women.
225
00:10:18,828 --> 00:10:21,161
Did you know that baby?
226
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,863
Get out of my room asshole!
227
00:10:22,865 --> 00:10:23,731
MOM!!!
228
00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:25,432
Goddammnit!
229
00:10:25,434 --> 00:10:28,535
You even lost your
room to a girl.
230
00:10:34,442 --> 00:10:37,577
Well, if it isn't Power Glide.
231
00:10:37,579 --> 00:10:39,445
I thought you ran
home to mommy.
232
00:10:39,447 --> 00:10:41,481
Did not.
233
00:10:41,483 --> 00:10:43,650
I'm late for Pilates.
234
00:10:45,419 --> 00:10:47,185
You think you can bully me?
235
00:10:47,187 --> 00:10:49,755
Think again,
you latte-guzzling,
236
00:10:49,757 --> 00:10:52,190
mommy-blogging
Spanx-monkey.
237
00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:54,526
I'm not the enemy here.
238
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,261
THEY ARE!
239
00:10:56,263 --> 00:10:57,997
I took a bite of my hangover
burrito this morning
240
00:10:57,999 --> 00:11:01,066
while changing this asshole's
diaper and I tasted
241
00:11:01,068 --> 00:11:03,167
actual human shit.
242
00:11:03,169 --> 00:11:05,036
I was so bagged last
night from his wailing
243
00:11:05,038 --> 00:11:08,572
that I only whacked off once,
and I didn't even care
244
00:11:08,574 --> 00:11:10,574
because I am no longer human.
245
00:11:10,576 --> 00:11:12,143
I am a twenty-four-
hour slave
246
00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:16,180
to a shit-producing,
ear-busting carpet grub.
247
00:11:16,182 --> 00:11:19,816
So fuck your vegan bullshit
baby food and your
248
00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:21,584
desk-humping husband.
249
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:26,890
This parent shit is like
sticking your dick in a vice.
250
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:30,627
Not that I did.
251
00:11:30,629 --> 00:11:31,461
But I'm willing to
give it a try
252
00:11:31,463 --> 00:11:33,530
if that's your thing.
253
00:11:35,899 --> 00:11:36,899
Wait!
254
00:11:38,802 --> 00:11:41,203
You're wrong about me.
255
00:11:41,205 --> 00:11:42,838
My fucking kid's
spoiled rotten,
256
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,140
my fucking husband's
screwing his
257
00:11:44,142 --> 00:11:46,475
dental hygienist,
and I was once a
258
00:11:46,477 --> 00:11:48,144
captain of industry.
259
00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:51,512
I ran Ironman's,
and I had a coot so tight
260
00:11:51,514 --> 00:11:54,382
I could open a Corona
through my J-Brands.
261
00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:57,351
Now my tits are destroyed,
my ass is like a
262
00:11:57,353 --> 00:11:59,988
fucking waffle cone
and I haven't been laid
263
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:02,023
in eight months.
264
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:04,292
Do I need a third trip
to the playground today?
265
00:12:04,294 --> 00:12:05,826
No, I do not.
266
00:12:05,828 --> 00:12:09,362
What I need is a stiff drink,
and a stiffer dick.
267
00:12:09,364 --> 00:12:12,833
I need some motherfucking
me time!
268
00:12:15,704 --> 00:12:21,008
Yes, yes, DOUBLE-SCOOP
FOR MOMMY'S
269
00:12:21,010 --> 00:12:23,275
WAFFLE CONE!!
270
00:12:23,277 --> 00:12:24,010
Yeah, yeah!
271
00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:25,712
Yes! Oh!
272
00:12:25,714 --> 00:12:26,713
YES!
273
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,727
How's that for
knowing your customer,
274
00:12:41,729 --> 00:12:43,995
you festering
cum-sock?
275
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:48,066
Where the fuck
are all the cars?
276
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,634
The customer fairy
came and bought
277
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:52,204
them all up at
twice the book rate.
278
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,772
What the fuck do you
think happened, dicktard?
279
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,873
They were repossessed.
280
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,742
I leave you alone for
three fucking hours
281
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,710
and you get us repo'd
by a loan shark?
282
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,178
They showed up with a
transport truck full of
283
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:03,881
muscle while you were busy
greasing your joint.
284
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,515
Once again I got to
bail out your
285
00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:06,483
senile ass.
286
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,285
Give me the fucking phone.
287
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,253
It's in the office.
288
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:24,134
Fuck.
289
00:13:31,575 --> 00:13:32,040
Bourbon.
290
00:13:32,042 --> 00:13:33,142
Scotch.
291
00:13:33,144 --> 00:13:33,776
Vodka.
292
00:13:33,778 --> 00:13:35,210
Hey, Deja vu.
293
00:13:35,212 --> 00:13:38,380
Is an album by Crosby,
Stills, Nash and Young,
294
00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:40,348
as neither of us have ever seen
295
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:41,983
these people before.
296
00:13:43,418 --> 00:13:44,285
Way to drop the anvil old man.
297
00:13:44,287 --> 00:13:45,486
What the hell kinda loan shark
298
00:13:45,488 --> 00:13:46,553
are you dealing with?
299
00:13:46,555 --> 00:13:48,322
Someone on this strip is trying
300
00:13:48,324 --> 00:13:49,356
to fuck our dealership.
301
00:13:49,358 --> 00:13:50,591
This means war!
302
00:13:50,593 --> 00:13:52,493
We've got forty-eight
hours to find 5-K,
303
00:13:52,495 --> 00:13:53,494
or our trailer's
going to end up
304
00:13:53,496 --> 00:13:55,029
in a chop shop.
305
00:14:01,535 --> 00:14:02,535
Hello,
306
00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:09,876
Ladies.
307
00:14:09,878 --> 00:14:10,844
Well, well.
308
00:14:10,846 --> 00:14:12,378
We were just talking about you.
309
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:13,713
Kendra here could use a little
310
00:14:13,715 --> 00:14:15,614
"me time" herself.
311
00:14:15,616 --> 00:14:18,184
I like women who
speak fluent Fitz.
312
00:14:18,186 --> 00:14:20,085
One at a time,
or have you learned
313
00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:21,420
how to share?
314
00:14:22,789 --> 00:14:24,623
Three bills.
315
00:14:24,625 --> 00:14:25,557
Excuse me?
316
00:14:25,559 --> 00:14:27,092
This is a private conversation.
317
00:14:27,094 --> 00:14:27,960
Save it.
318
00:14:27,962 --> 00:14:29,261
You want a little Fitzy action?
319
00:14:29,263 --> 00:14:30,361
Cough it up.
320
00:14:30,363 --> 00:14:32,463
Mom!
321
00:14:32,465 --> 00:14:33,331
Two.
322
00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:35,834
Two-fifty,
money up front.
323
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:47,177
You'll get your me
time tomorrow at 2.
324
00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:51,014
And be sure and tell
all your friends.
325
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:56,786
What the fuck was that?
326
00:14:56,788 --> 00:14:57,788
Have I taught you nothing?
327
00:14:57,789 --> 00:15:00,858
When opportunity knocks,
you let it in,
328
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:02,959
you get it drunk,
and you fuck it with
329
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:05,461
a strap-on until
its ears bleed.
330
00:15:05,463 --> 00:15:08,064
Yeah, well profit
is all about volume.
331
00:15:08,066 --> 00:15:10,333
And little shit here
has only got one dick.
332
00:15:10,335 --> 00:15:11,467
On a good day.
333
00:15:11,469 --> 00:15:12,401
Fuck you!
334
00:15:12,403 --> 00:15:13,970
That's always been
your problem.
335
00:15:13,972 --> 00:15:14,904
You think small.
336
00:15:14,906 --> 00:15:16,339
This isn't just about sex.
337
00:15:16,341 --> 00:15:18,806
Those broads are
all kinds of deprived.
338
00:15:18,808 --> 00:15:20,275
You want to make
money to get your
339
00:15:20,277 --> 00:15:21,309
dealership back?
340
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:24,212
Here's how it's gonna roll...
341
00:15:25,748 --> 00:15:27,682
OK, first we get the
word out for a
342
00:15:27,684 --> 00:15:29,084
one-time-only event...
343
00:15:29,086 --> 00:15:32,453
Now I've got the digs,
so I get fifty percent
344
00:15:32,455 --> 00:15:34,121
of the house.
345
00:15:34,123 --> 00:15:36,857
Our cover is a
babysitting service.
346
00:15:36,859 --> 00:15:39,693
I'll watch the little
shits while you clowns
347
00:15:39,695 --> 00:15:41,661
get down to business.
348
00:15:41,663 --> 00:15:43,663
And by business,
I mean pampering
349
00:15:43,665 --> 00:15:45,499
the hell out of their
spoiled asses at
350
00:15:45,501 --> 00:15:50,136
a hundred and fifty per cent
over fair market value.
351
00:15:50,138 --> 00:15:52,638
A guilt-free paradise.
352
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,841
Whatever they want:
Korean foot massage,
353
00:15:55,843 --> 00:16:01,881
crantinis, a couple of lines,
a quickie with numbnuts,
354
00:16:01,883 --> 00:16:03,516
butter...
355
00:16:03,518 --> 00:16:05,184
Brothel with a twist.
356
00:16:05,186 --> 00:16:06,584
As long as we
keep the heat off.
357
00:16:06,586 --> 00:16:09,587
And I'm not talking
about the cops.
358
00:16:09,589 --> 00:16:13,792
Oh my golly.
359
00:16:13,794 --> 00:16:15,794
Maybe I'm jealous.
360
00:16:15,796 --> 00:16:17,595
I used to be the
most important person
361
00:16:17,597 --> 00:16:18,797
in Richard's life.
362
00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:21,967
What's so great about a baby?
363
00:16:21,969 --> 00:16:24,302
I don't know, ask your parents.
364
00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:25,670
Oh wait, you don't have any,
365
00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:27,839
because you're a living,
breathing conscience.
366
00:16:27,841 --> 00:16:30,107
That baby doesn't
even respect me.
367
00:16:30,109 --> 00:16:33,478
It makes me feel
as if I don't count.
368
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,947
Can you even imagine
what that feels like?
369
00:16:35,949 --> 00:16:37,882
Really?
370
00:16:37,884 --> 00:16:40,484
Do you know what
I do every day?
371
00:16:40,486 --> 00:16:43,787
Just sit here and listen
to asshole after asshole
372
00:16:43,789 --> 00:16:47,524
talk about their
self-created problems.
373
00:16:47,526 --> 00:16:49,726
Which must be horrible.
374
00:16:53,030 --> 00:16:56,165
How's that make
you feel Leonard?
375
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:57,934
Are-are you
alright Leonard?
376
00:16:57,936 --> 00:17:00,837
Are those tones of
isolation I'm reading?
377
00:17:00,839 --> 00:17:03,739
This sessions over.
378
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,407
No, no, no, no it's not.
379
00:17:05,409 --> 00:17:07,042
I think we're just
getting started.
380
00:17:07,044 --> 00:17:10,145
Projection, perhaps, Leonard?
381
00:17:10,147 --> 00:17:12,046
One man manifesting
his loneliness?
382
00:17:12,048 --> 00:17:14,148
That doesn't even
make any sense!
383
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:16,685
And you know nothing
about my situation.
384
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:18,720
Which is why it's so
great that we can build
385
00:17:18,722 --> 00:17:20,355
this bridge together.
386
00:17:21,423 --> 00:17:24,258
How about a little
therapy Leonard,
387
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:30,998
or "Larrapy," if you will?
388
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,466
Talk to me.
389
00:17:38,573 --> 00:17:39,607
Why the fuck didn't
anybody tell me
390
00:17:39,609 --> 00:17:41,074
they were going out?
391
00:17:41,076 --> 00:17:43,376
Just a little Sunday drive.
392
00:17:43,378 --> 00:17:44,611
Sunday dri-
393
00:17:44,613 --> 00:17:45,745
Last time we went on
a Sunday drive is when
394
00:17:45,747 --> 00:17:46,880
you got that Vegas
wake-up call and we
395
00:17:46,882 --> 00:17:48,581
had to bury that barista.
396
00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:49,883
Who's in there?
397
00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:51,651
None of your fucking business.
398
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,520
We're just having
a little party.
399
00:17:54,956 --> 00:17:58,724
Crap!
400
00:17:58,726 --> 00:18:03,094
Stogies, gummy worms, bleach...
401
00:18:03,096 --> 00:18:04,462
a brothel scam!
402
00:18:04,464 --> 00:18:05,296
I want in.
403
00:18:05,298 --> 00:18:06,999
No fucking way.
404
00:18:07,001 --> 00:18:08,767
You need my room, don't you?
405
00:18:08,769 --> 00:18:09,501
Fuck!
406
00:18:09,503 --> 00:18:10,201
Ten per cent.
407
00:18:10,203 --> 00:18:11,102
Twenty.
408
00:18:11,104 --> 00:18:11,737
Twelve.
409
00:18:11,739 --> 00:18:12,470
Eighteen.
410
00:18:12,472 --> 00:18:13,238
Ten.
411
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:13,972
You're going down again.
412
00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,172
You're pissing me off.
413
00:18:15,174 --> 00:18:16,340
Fine.
414
00:18:16,342 --> 00:18:19,143
But I get to DJ.
415
00:18:19,145 --> 00:18:20,210
Yes!
416
00:18:38,463 --> 00:18:40,463
You're next sweetheart
417
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,240
Ladies, we have a
duck with rhubarb chutney,
418
00:18:52,242 --> 00:18:54,677
pan seared scallops with
strawberry and bacon,
419
00:18:54,679 --> 00:18:57,312
and a little thing I like
to call Joshy's Surprise.
420
00:18:57,314 --> 00:18:59,982
Just get us another
round of mommy juice,
421
00:18:59,984 --> 00:19:01,183
would you sweetheart?
422
00:19:01,185 --> 00:19:02,850
What's in the last one?
423
00:19:02,852 --> 00:19:05,252
Let's just say it
rhymes with weenis.
424
00:19:05,254 --> 00:19:06,253
Oh I know.
425
00:19:06,255 --> 00:19:08,089
No, don't, no.
426
00:19:08,091 --> 00:19:09,390
Nice ass.
427
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,499
Hey.
428
00:19:18,501 --> 00:19:20,200
Dodge Caravan, right?
429
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:21,868
Good memory.
430
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,804
Yeah, later's baby.
431
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,344
Give me a double
of pick-me-up.
432
00:19:31,346 --> 00:19:32,979
Oh, you tapped out already?
433
00:19:32,981 --> 00:19:35,615
Even Muhammad Ali
needed some down time.
434
00:19:35,617 --> 00:19:38,384
Well, if you're
floating like a butterfly
435
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:41,321
not stinging like a bee,
I could stand in for ya.
436
00:19:41,323 --> 00:19:42,354
You couldn't get it
up with a crane,
437
00:19:42,356 --> 00:19:43,489
old man.
438
00:19:43,491 --> 00:19:44,923
Listen gherkin-dick.
439
00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:46,992
I've got a love pump
that'll make Milton Berle
440
00:19:46,994 --> 00:19:48,594
look like a girl.
441
00:19:48,596 --> 00:19:50,295
You really think
any of these moms would
442
00:19:50,297 --> 00:19:52,897
pay to see your tiny,
shriveled man-meat?
443
00:19:52,899 --> 00:19:55,967
Oh yeah.
444
00:19:55,969 --> 00:19:59,069
You call this
puppy shriveled???
445
00:19:59,071 --> 00:20:01,038
WHO WANTS SOME
OLD SPICE!
446
00:20:10,815 --> 00:20:14,317
I bust my ass
fourteen hours a day,
447
00:20:14,319 --> 00:20:16,419
and for what?
448
00:20:16,421 --> 00:20:19,356
Forty-four grand a
year before tax,
449
00:20:19,358 --> 00:20:22,292
free paper clips,
and a gift certificate
450
00:20:22,294 --> 00:20:24,994
to Olive Garden come Christmas.
451
00:20:24,996 --> 00:20:26,630
You give and you
give and you give,
452
00:20:26,632 --> 00:20:27,830
and no one ever thanks you.
453
00:20:27,832 --> 00:20:28,931
I hear you Leonard.
454
00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:30,699
You see this painting, Larry?
455
00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:31,867
Yeah.
456
00:20:31,869 --> 00:20:34,936
I used to look at this
and see my dream ship.
457
00:20:34,938 --> 00:20:38,174
Now, I realize that painting
458
00:20:38,176 --> 00:20:39,808
is the point of view of a
459
00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:42,311
man drowning at sea.
460
00:20:42,313 --> 00:20:44,880
It's a sea of shit, Larry.
461
00:20:46,248 --> 00:20:50,818
All I ever wanted to
do was help people.
462
00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:53,288
Then we have something
in common Leonard.
463
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:55,390
We can help each other
to help Richard.
464
00:20:55,392 --> 00:20:57,325
He needs a lesson, Leonard.
465
00:20:57,327 --> 00:20:59,394
And the good guys
need some payback.
466
00:20:59,396 --> 00:21:00,528
Umm.
467
00:21:02,897 --> 00:21:03,697
Oh.
468
00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:14,608
Twenty, forty, sixty...
469
00:21:14,610 --> 00:21:15,275
Just give me all of it.
470
00:21:23,884 --> 00:21:27,086
OK on your marks, get set...
471
00:21:29,223 --> 00:21:30,323
GO!!!
472
00:21:30,325 --> 00:21:31,156
COME ON BABIES!
COME ON BABIES!
473
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:03,454
CRAWL!
474
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:04,355
COME ON!
475
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:05,756
HEY 14 JUST PUSHED 11!
476
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:07,557
THAT'S ILLEGAL!
THAT'S ILLEGAL!
477
00:22:15,799 --> 00:22:16,499
GO! GO!
478
00:22:19,603 --> 00:22:21,571
NAAAAAAAARK!
479
00:22:26,242 --> 00:22:28,310
Alright Leonard,
it's time to take back
480
00:22:28,312 --> 00:22:31,680
from the takers and
win one for the givers.
481
00:22:33,650 --> 00:22:35,850
Now brace yourself for the most
482
00:22:35,852 --> 00:22:37,552
unhealthy home environment
483
00:22:37,554 --> 00:22:39,787
you will ever witness.
484
00:22:47,429 --> 00:22:48,429
Shhhhh!
485
00:22:48,431 --> 00:22:50,864
The babies are resting!
486
00:22:50,866 --> 00:22:52,767
No, No, No, this can't be!
487
00:22:57,438 --> 00:22:58,405
Yeah.
488
00:23:04,144 --> 00:23:06,713
Ah!
489
00:23:06,715 --> 00:23:09,549
Oh!
490
00:23:09,551 --> 00:23:11,082
A ha!
491
00:23:11,084 --> 00:23:12,518
I can't believe I let
myself get conned
492
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,586
by this nut job.
493
00:23:14,588 --> 00:23:18,691
Let's go buddy,
we've got work to do.
494
00:23:35,474 --> 00:23:36,674
Smoked allegro with just a hint
495
00:23:36,676 --> 00:23:37,842
of summer leek?
496
00:23:39,478 --> 00:23:42,079
You guys are fucked.
497
00:23:42,081 --> 00:23:43,880
I can't believe you were right.
498
00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:45,215
Yes!
499
00:23:45,217 --> 00:23:48,218
Which is why I'm going to
have to take the kid.
500
00:23:48,220 --> 00:23:49,118
What?
501
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,920
What, no, no,
you're supposed to
502
00:23:50,922 --> 00:23:51,755
give him a stern warning,
503
00:23:51,757 --> 00:23:53,156
a gentle psychological nudge.
504
00:23:54,258 --> 00:23:56,460
Wai- yeah, how can
you even think about
505
00:23:56,462 --> 00:23:58,627
separating Richard
from his baby,
506
00:23:58,629 --> 00:24:02,231
when you two have
so much in common?
507
00:24:04,768 --> 00:24:06,168
How many months?
508
00:24:06,170 --> 00:24:07,035
What are you talking about?
509
00:24:07,037 --> 00:24:08,136
Your kid.
510
00:24:08,138 --> 00:24:09,104
The gunk on your collar.
511
00:24:09,106 --> 00:24:10,706
It's kid spew, isn't it?
512
00:24:10,708 --> 00:24:11,940
Yeah.
513
00:24:11,942 --> 00:24:14,109
The sunken eyes,
the pacifier in
514
00:24:14,111 --> 00:24:15,410
your pocket.
515
00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:18,045
Telltale signs my friend.
516
00:24:18,047 --> 00:24:19,581
Not sleeping much are ya?
517
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:21,015
Irritable?
518
00:24:21,017 --> 00:24:22,517
Unable to cope?
519
00:24:22,519 --> 00:24:24,151
I'm a 52 year old new father,
520
00:24:24,153 --> 00:24:25,520
what do you think?
521
00:24:25,522 --> 00:24:27,188
You've been busting
your balls trying to
522
00:24:27,190 --> 00:24:28,390
raise the little
ankle-biter haven't you,
523
00:24:28,392 --> 00:24:30,091
and what do you get
out of it in return huh?
524
00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:31,859
I feel your pain brother.
525
00:24:31,861 --> 00:24:32,826
We all do.
526
00:24:34,562 --> 00:24:36,430
You don't want to
call this one in, Len.
527
00:24:36,432 --> 00:24:37,498
What do you say we
528
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:38,599
call a little truce, huh?
529
00:24:38,601 --> 00:24:39,666
You scratch my back,
530
00:24:39,668 --> 00:24:41,034
I'll scratch yours.
531
00:24:41,036 --> 00:24:43,270
Everyone deserves
a little "me time."
532
00:24:43,272 --> 00:24:44,237
Um-hmm.
533
00:24:52,212 --> 00:24:53,913
Oh for F-!
534
00:24:53,915 --> 00:24:55,381
Why is it always me?
535
00:24:55,383 --> 00:24:58,384
Oh, a gay dad.
536
00:24:58,386 --> 00:25:00,420
I did not see that coming.
537
00:25:00,422 --> 00:25:03,755
Well, gotta pay
the bills somehow.
538
00:25:11,597 --> 00:25:13,665
Well, I need a drink!
539
00:25:15,968 --> 00:25:18,669
Okay blah, blah,
blah, alright, oh, oh!
540
00:25:18,671 --> 00:25:21,605
"And after careful observations
involving random check-ins,
541
00:25:21,607 --> 00:25:24,241
it is clear to me that
Richard Fitzpatrick is
542
00:25:24,243 --> 00:25:26,343
a loving father and
the appropriate
543
00:25:26,345 --> 00:25:29,313
legal guardian
of his child."
544
00:25:32,216 --> 00:25:33,250
Dipshit.
545
00:25:33,252 --> 00:25:36,118
Well, we raked in
almost seven large.
546
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,821
Should be enough to
get our fleet back.
547
00:25:37,823 --> 00:25:40,356
Which I tucked away
in a place so shitty
548
00:25:40,358 --> 00:25:42,826
no man dare ever look.
549
00:25:42,828 --> 00:25:45,995
Ah, speaking of which,
I still want my cut!
550
00:25:45,997 --> 00:25:47,964
This is progress, Richard.
551
00:25:47,966 --> 00:25:49,732
I think on some level
you raised these finances
552
00:25:49,734 --> 00:25:51,867
for your child.
553
00:25:51,869 --> 00:25:53,669
So I would like
to propose a toast.
554
00:25:53,671 --> 00:25:56,872
To Richard Fitzpatrick,
the greatest new dad in town!
555
00:25:56,874 --> 00:25:57,739
Hear!
Hear!
556
00:25:57,741 --> 00:25:59,374
Hear!
Hear!
557
00:25:59,376 --> 00:26:02,611
Where is the
little shit anyway?
558
00:26:06,048 --> 00:26:07,081
Oh.
559
00:26:12,187 --> 00:26:13,220
Fuck!
560
00:26:14,576 --> 00:26:16,508
Someone stole the fucking baby!
561
00:26:17,821 --> 00:26:28,215
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
562
00:26:28,265 --> 00:26:32,815
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38322
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