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Previously on Call Me Fitz...
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Over half of the city councilors
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are members of the
Glen Downs Country Club.
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00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,660
They control local politics.
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00:00:13,728 --> 00:00:15,229
Fuck!
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It'll be good to get some
fresh blood into this place.
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I'll see you at the initiation.
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When it's a male sacrifice,
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we cut off his johnson
and feast upon it.
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00:00:24,405 --> 00:00:26,105
Yeah, I'm out.
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00:00:26,173 --> 00:00:28,674
Melody Gray!
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00:00:28,742 --> 00:00:30,043
I haven't seen you
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00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:32,211
since you slept your way
through student council!
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I'm an ethical journalist.
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I only report the news I manufacture.
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Six months I've been stuck
in this mental hospital,
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with no contact
from the outside world.
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Only thing you ever had
was your dealership,
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and now you got shit.
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I'm gonna get it back!
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00:00:44,723 --> 00:00:46,124
Even if he got it back,
he cannot sell cars.
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Our agreement includes
a non-competition clause.
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Fitzpatrick cannot own a
dealership, any dealership.
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Unless he opened it
in someone else's name!
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You're all goin' down, fuckers!
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I'm Richard Fitzpatrick,
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and I approve this message.
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Coverton.
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There was a time
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when this shithole
wasn't such a shithole.
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On election day,
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you can help return this
shithole to its former glory.
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How?
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Vote for me, Richard Fitzpatrick.
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Hey, way to ruin the fucking
shot, shit berry!
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Asshole!
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Why vote for me?
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Because I'm an outsider, like you.
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I don't care about budgets,
or by-laws,
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or any other bullshit.
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I care about people.
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And I'm here to help you.
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There's a reason
you're single, scowlie.
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00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,943
So if you're happy with high taxes,
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crumbling infrastructure,
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and sexually inexperienced
politicians,
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go ahead and waste your vote
on Chester Vince.
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But if you want real change?
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Your hero has arrived, Coverton.
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My name is Richard Fitzpatrick.
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But you can call me Fitz.
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- Fucking masterpiece.
- I'll schedule a reshoot.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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You blew our entire advertising budget
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on Ebony Jugs magazine?
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Oh!
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Budget price for a national spot.
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For a municipal election.
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We need to spend our money wisely.
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And try to reach a wider demographic
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than "exposed lady-parts
aficionados."
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The only demographic Chester Vince
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is currently not kicking our ass in.
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Do you even know how big
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the ethnic community in Coverton is?
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Well, I bet it's big.
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Don't you worry, buddy.
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On election day,
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shit like this won't even matter.
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Shit like what?
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Like anyone's going to
believe Chester is a hero.
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He doesn't have x-ray
vision or a cape...
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Or a utility belt.
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00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,953
Perfect example.
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This is why Chester Vince
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00:03:41,523 --> 00:03:43,524
is killing us with the ethnic vote.
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Because he's actually
targeting the ethnic vote.
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00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,161
In Richard's defence -
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00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:50,597
it is Ebony Jugs.
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00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,398
And the ethnic groups
all love Chester.
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00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,367
He's like some kind of white Jesus.
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What the fuck are you talking about?
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The ethnics love me.
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00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,739
Mai Ling gave me extra
chicken balls last week -
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if you know what I'm sayin'.
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Richard, you shouldn't
use the "E" word.
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We need to show voters that you care
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about all people the same.
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00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:07,946
Fuck me!
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00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:10,349
You know what?
Every time I turn my back,
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00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,150
that Vince is one-upping me.
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00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:14,686
You turds need to up
my profile, big time.
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I'm the hero of the people,
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00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,589
not that dick-licker.
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Now get me the ethnic vote.
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How?
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00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,192
Three hours, and I want ideas.
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00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:34,037
Fifty bucks?
I'm not that desperate.
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00:04:34,105 --> 00:04:36,774
Forty.
And your diazepam.
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00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:39,175
We split the diazepam.
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00:04:39,243 --> 00:04:42,178
All right.
Let's do this.
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00:04:42,246 --> 00:04:44,781
Yes!
Come and get it.
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00:04:49,052 --> 00:04:51,187
Oh yeah.
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00:04:51,255 --> 00:04:54,256
Going to pay those student loans.
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00:04:54,324 --> 00:04:56,091
Hurry up, what's taking so long?
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Hey!
What the fuck, man!
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00:05:00,997 --> 00:05:03,031
Hey!
That was my date.
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Pack your shit.
We're going home.
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00:05:04,967 --> 00:05:07,336
Not until you tell me what you want.
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To know my daughter
is happy and healthy
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and free to sign a lease on
a new dealership.
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I knew it!
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I got to get around whatever crap
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those flying carpet munchers
put in the contract.
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Non-compete clause my ass.
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And you want to work with me?
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00:05:22,318 --> 00:05:23,984
Never shoulda sold the family business
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to those gooks.
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Biggest mistake I ever made.
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Keep it in the family,
that's what grandpa said.
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Even if they're fucking retards.
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How 'bout it, kid, You and me?
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Ninety-ten.
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00:05:34,161 --> 00:05:35,395
Fifty-fifty.
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Eighty-twenty.
Gross.
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00:05:36,564 --> 00:05:38,164
Seventy-five-twenty-five.
Net.
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That's my little retard.
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No matter how hard I try,
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I can't make Richard happy.
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00:05:52,479 --> 00:05:53,946
You should know, titmouse,
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because you're dead
because of my failure.
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00:06:00,386 --> 00:06:01,820
Are you ok?
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00:06:01,887 --> 00:06:03,488
Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you,
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00:06:03,556 --> 00:06:05,457
you just sounded so sad.
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Iris.
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00:06:07,091 --> 00:06:08,759
Oh, Larry.
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Who are you visiting?
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Oh, a noble bird who died needlessly
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and deserved a proper burial.
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You?
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My fluffy little cuddly...
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...Bunny?
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He got away from me one morning
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and was crossing the road when a...
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...Mustang ran him over?
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It's been a tough three years.
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Three years.
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I'm here everyday after work.
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I just can't seem to let go.
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Such a tragedy.
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You're a sweet soul, Larry.
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I'm sure it wasn't your fault.
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You wouldn't say that
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if you knew how
responsible I am for...
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everything.
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Richard's anger.
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The poor dead titmouse.
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Jeepers, Larry.
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Pretty selfish of you
to take all the blame.
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Some of the rest
of us want to mourn too.
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I'm sorry - I didn't mean-
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I was just kidding, silly.
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I can tell by your aura,
you're a good person.
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I wish every man was like you.
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Yeah.
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D-do you want...?
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Uh...
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Every man...
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Ahh!
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Richard Fitzpatrick is not a hero.
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Yes I am, dick sniffer.
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Richard Fitzpatrick is better.
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I'm listening.
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Richard Fitzpatrick is EVERY MAN.
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Oh! That sounds
like a super-hero.
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He is a super-hero, Josh.
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Compassion is Every Man's superpower.
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You understand the plight
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00:08:07,109 --> 00:08:08,276
of the sweat shop employee
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00:08:08,344 --> 00:08:10,545
struggling to put food on the table,
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00:08:10,613 --> 00:08:13,414
the inner city youth whose
only career choice is crime,
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00:08:13,482 --> 00:08:16,550
the overqualified immigrant
stuck driving a cab...
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And you shoot laser beams
from your eyeballs!
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00:08:20,187 --> 00:08:21,688
What do you think?
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I think it bites
while it sucks -
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and we all know how bad that can be.
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This isn't brain surgery, Larry.
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We just need a way
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to make the ethnics love Fitz
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more than Chester.
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I love him more.
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Where the fuck have you been?
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I said three hours.
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Doing my job.
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Chester's holding a
surprise unity rally
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at City Hall.
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00:08:41,708 --> 00:08:42,941
This afternoon.
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His multicultural drones
will be there.
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00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:46,878
See guys?
This is simple.
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All we have to do is
hijack Chester's rally.
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00:08:49,248 --> 00:08:52,350
So what do ethnics want?
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Equality is an easy gift to give.
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And it's always free.
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There's one color everyone loves.
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Green.
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00:09:00,259 --> 00:09:01,426
Beautiful.
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00:09:01,527 --> 00:09:02,626
Let's do that.
208
00:09:02,694 --> 00:09:05,028
Corruption? Bribery?
209
00:09:05,096 --> 00:09:06,797
This isn't how Every Man operates.
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00:09:06,864 --> 00:09:08,031
Yeah, he flies.
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00:09:08,099 --> 00:09:09,300
And bullets bounce off his chest.
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00:09:09,367 --> 00:09:10,834
P-ting!
P-ting!
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00:09:10,902 --> 00:09:12,770
And he's all like
'Ha ha ha ha!'
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00:09:15,307 --> 00:09:17,308
That's what I'd do if I was Every Man.
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00:09:19,276 --> 00:09:21,243
Aw, and I'd have a bitchin' cape.
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00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:28,318
I'm afraid your daughter's
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00:09:28,385 --> 00:09:31,086
not ready to be released,
Mr. Fitzpatrick.
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00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,823
She's still suffering from--
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00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:38,126
Paranoia, resentment,
delusions of grandeur,
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00:09:38,194 --> 00:09:40,562
hypersensitivity,
excessive irritability,
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00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:44,065
rapid mood swings,
and violent outbursts.
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00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:45,367
That was one fucking time,
223
00:09:45,435 --> 00:09:47,369
and I didn't know
the bedpan was metal!
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00:09:47,437 --> 00:09:49,871
In fact, I was hoping to schedule
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00:09:49,939 --> 00:09:51,639
some time with you, sir.
226
00:09:51,707 --> 00:09:55,443
I believe your daughter's
rage is a learned behavior.
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00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:57,945
I'm as calm as a summer breeze.
228
00:09:58,012 --> 00:09:59,880
Now give me
my fucking daughter back!
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00:09:59,948 --> 00:10:02,149
Well...
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00:10:02,217 --> 00:10:04,151
I'm afraid I'm going to
have to ask you to leave now.
231
00:10:05,253 --> 00:10:08,688
Go ahead.
Ask.
232
00:10:14,428 --> 00:10:16,496
This way, please.
233
00:10:18,131 --> 00:10:21,401
Relax, Igor.
I'm leaving.
234
00:10:23,737 --> 00:10:25,404
Bye, Daddy!
235
00:10:29,208 --> 00:10:31,510
I know what you're thinking.
236
00:10:31,578 --> 00:10:34,246
Another politician here
to talk about himself.
237
00:10:34,313 --> 00:10:36,749
Pause for laughter.
238
00:10:36,816 --> 00:10:38,983
But today isn't about patting
myself on the back
239
00:10:39,050 --> 00:10:41,018
for all the weapons and drugs
240
00:10:41,086 --> 00:10:43,254
I've managed to get off your streets.
241
00:10:43,321 --> 00:10:45,423
I want you to meet some
special friends of mine...
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00:10:45,491 --> 00:10:47,458
Richard, please, don't do this.
243
00:10:47,526 --> 00:10:49,093
Not only is bribery unethical,
244
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,261
it's illegal.
245
00:10:50,328 --> 00:10:53,931
Vote for Fitz.
Vote for Fitz.
246
00:10:53,999 --> 00:10:55,499
Best place to
troll for votes-
247
00:10:55,566 --> 00:10:57,601
Some other guy's rally.
248
00:10:57,668 --> 00:10:59,836
This is Greg.
249
00:10:59,904 --> 00:11:01,070
A few short months ago,
250
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,839
he was a wretched lowlife.
251
00:11:02,907 --> 00:11:04,941
Reeked of alcohol and sweat.
252
00:11:05,009 --> 00:11:08,011
Slept in puddles of his own urine,
253
00:11:08,078 --> 00:11:10,246
and sold himself for
money to buy drugs.
254
00:11:12,449 --> 00:11:14,483
And now I am clean.
255
00:11:14,551 --> 00:11:16,385
He doesn't have two
dimes to rub together,
256
00:11:16,453 --> 00:11:17,753
but he's not tempted
257
00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:20,489
by any of the drugs on this table,
258
00:11:20,557 --> 00:11:22,024
even though a tenth of these drugs
259
00:11:22,091 --> 00:11:24,293
could certainly buy his
way off the street.
260
00:11:26,329 --> 00:11:28,129
And it's all thanks to me.
261
00:11:28,196 --> 00:11:30,064
Coverton, the hero
you've been waiting for
262
00:11:30,132 --> 00:11:31,566
has finally arrived.
263
00:11:31,634 --> 00:11:34,469
And his name is Chester Vince!
264
00:11:35,838 --> 00:11:37,772
That's my fucking line.
265
00:11:42,844 --> 00:11:44,210
Nobody move!
266
00:11:44,278 --> 00:11:45,512
This is Melody Gray,
267
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:46,480
embedded at the press conference,
268
00:11:46,548 --> 00:11:48,449
where we are under attack.
269
00:11:48,516 --> 00:11:50,050
Don't hurt us!
We have money!
270
00:11:50,117 --> 00:11:51,819
Yeah?
271
00:11:51,886 --> 00:11:54,621
Nice one, fuckwit.
272
00:12:02,195 --> 00:12:06,131
I call upon the powers of equality!
273
00:12:06,199 --> 00:12:07,567
What the fuck?
274
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:13,873
Black strength!
275
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,941
Asian wisdom!
276
00:12:16,008 --> 00:12:18,510
Russian endurance!
Super-fast!
277
00:12:18,578 --> 00:12:20,579
Swiss organizational skills!
278
00:12:20,646 --> 00:12:23,147
And...
American cheese!
279
00:12:23,215 --> 00:12:24,983
How about Pashtun generosity?
280
00:12:25,050 --> 00:12:26,585
We have our own community centre!
281
00:12:26,652 --> 00:12:28,152
All are welcome!
That's right, yes!
282
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:29,821
Except Kurds.
That's right.
283
00:12:29,889 --> 00:12:31,589
Get my money!
My money!
284
00:12:33,859 --> 00:12:35,693
Scram, punk.
285
00:12:39,865 --> 00:12:41,565
Yeah!
286
00:12:45,704 --> 00:12:47,203
Fuck.
287
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,678
No one knows the swarthy
savior's secret origins,
288
00:12:55,746 --> 00:12:57,079
but one thing is certain...
289
00:12:57,147 --> 00:12:59,215
The costumed vigilante "Ethnic Man"
290
00:12:59,282 --> 00:13:01,684
is quickly becoming a local legend.
291
00:13:04,721 --> 00:13:07,823
There I was, surrounded by hooligans.
292
00:13:07,891 --> 00:13:11,226
Then he came out of nowhere
brandishing an opium pipe.
293
00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:14,630
He said: "Hey, you kids!
Stop teasing that man.
294
00:13:14,697 --> 00:13:17,666
Smoke this instead."
295
00:13:17,734 --> 00:13:20,300
And they did.
296
00:13:20,368 --> 00:13:21,802
In a matter of days,
297
00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:23,571
Ethnic Man's uniquebrand of street justice
298
00:13:23,639 --> 00:13:25,973
has reduced crimeall over Coverton -
299
00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:28,543
except drug trafficking.
300
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:29,844
But despite these statistics,
301
00:13:29,912 --> 00:13:31,445
opinion about the vigilante is mixed.
302
00:13:31,513 --> 00:13:34,948
Ethnic Man's not racist.
Black is the absence of color.
303
00:13:35,016 --> 00:13:36,783
By painting his face black,
304
00:13:36,851 --> 00:13:38,251
he's making a decisive statement
305
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,921
about his dream of
a post racial world.
306
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,489
All I know is that I loves it
when the niggers win,
307
00:13:43,558 --> 00:13:44,858
because they got nothing.
308
00:13:44,926 --> 00:13:46,793
What is racist is choosing to ask me
309
00:13:46,861 --> 00:13:48,528
what is racist because I am not white.
310
00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:50,530
You see, you are the racist.
311
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,764
You.
312
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,131
But whether you're
pro-Ethnic man,
313
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,633
or an uninformed idiot,
314
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,635
there's one thing we
can all agree on...
315
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,037
crime fighting in Coverton
316
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,538
just got a lot more sexy.
317
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,306
Thank you, Ethnic Man,
318
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:04,376
wherever - andwhoever - you are.
319
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,244
Call me.
320
00:14:07,312 --> 00:14:09,480
It's not Ethnic Man, it's Every Man!
321
00:14:10,415 --> 00:14:12,249
I mean, I bet that's what it is.
322
00:14:12,317 --> 00:14:14,218
I mean, how would I know, right?
323
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:15,519
I'm not Every Man.
324
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,821
Shut up, fucktard.
325
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,289
Plan B.
326
00:14:18,356 --> 00:14:20,224
Everyone loves you
so you'll make them love me.
327
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,693
Ethnic vote - boom.
328
00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:30,200
I can't hide it anymore.
329
00:14:30,267 --> 00:14:32,135
I'm Every Man.
330
00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:33,804
No shit.
331
00:14:33,871 --> 00:14:35,505
That's why you're going to put
on your little clown outfit,
332
00:14:35,573 --> 00:14:37,641
prance around at my rally
333
00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:39,242
and tell everyone you endorse me
334
00:14:39,310 --> 00:14:40,676
for city council.
335
00:14:40,744 --> 00:14:42,212
I'll start on the permits.
336
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:45,181
We're having a rally?
337
00:14:45,249 --> 00:14:46,983
Yeah, set it up.
338
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,451
We're gonna call it:
339
00:14:48,519 --> 00:14:51,421
The rally for all people everywhere.
340
00:14:51,489 --> 00:14:54,890
Rally for all people everywhere...
341
00:14:54,958 --> 00:14:55,890
Yeah.
342
00:14:55,958 --> 00:14:58,127
A rally for RAPE?
343
00:14:59,695 --> 00:15:02,063
All right, snot lunch,
you come up with something.
344
00:15:02,132 --> 00:15:04,366
No.
345
00:15:04,434 --> 00:15:05,900
Every Man is many things,
346
00:15:05,968 --> 00:15:08,537
but he's not a dancing monkey.
347
00:15:08,605 --> 00:15:11,405
Every Man doesn't believe in politics.
348
00:15:11,473 --> 00:15:13,641
He believes in justice.
349
00:15:13,708 --> 00:15:15,909
And equality.
350
00:15:15,977 --> 00:15:18,012
And fish tacos.
351
00:15:18,079 --> 00:15:20,281
Because fighting crime
makes him wicked hungry.
352
00:15:23,652 --> 00:15:27,621
Remember kids, you can't be Every Man
353
00:15:27,688 --> 00:15:29,623
but you can be a difference.
354
00:15:29,690 --> 00:15:31,224
Because being a difference
355
00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:33,360
makes you Every Man.
356
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:35,928
Yeah?
357
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,199
What does that even mean?
358
00:15:39,267 --> 00:15:41,368
It means you need a fucking cape.
359
00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:43,069
Oh...
360
00:15:44,871 --> 00:15:46,405
This isn't going to work.
361
00:15:46,473 --> 00:15:47,706
What the fuck do you know?
362
00:15:47,774 --> 00:15:48,940
No one in their right mind
363
00:15:49,008 --> 00:15:50,242
would ever believe you're a doctor.
364
00:15:50,310 --> 00:15:52,010
This ID got me in here,
365
00:15:52,078 --> 00:15:53,479
and it will get us both out.
366
00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:54,647
You know what we should do?
367
00:15:54,714 --> 00:15:55,747
Raid the pharmacy.
368
00:15:55,815 --> 00:15:57,015
Shut up and act crazy.
369
00:15:57,083 --> 00:15:58,517
You want crazy?
370
00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:00,718
The shadows!
371
00:16:00,786 --> 00:16:03,655
They're eating me!
Sideways!
372
00:16:03,722 --> 00:16:06,457
Thorazine!
Give me my thorazine!
373
00:16:06,525 --> 00:16:08,425
How am I supposed to do that?
374
00:16:08,493 --> 00:16:10,895
You figure it out, Doctor.
375
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,844
Richard, this is a bad idea.
376
00:16:27,912 --> 00:16:29,512
And tomatoes are a fruit.
377
00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:31,147
What's that have to do with anything?
378
00:16:31,215 --> 00:16:32,448
I thought we were talking
379
00:16:32,516 --> 00:16:33,817
about stuff we didn't
give a fuck about.
380
00:16:33,884 --> 00:16:35,118
Get out here, Ethnic Man.
381
00:16:39,789 --> 00:16:42,124
Now, tell the people that I kick ass.
382
00:16:42,192 --> 00:16:44,193
That I am "the man."
383
00:16:44,260 --> 00:16:45,994
Tell who?
384
00:16:47,396 --> 00:16:48,797
Where are the crowds?
I don't know.
385
00:16:48,865 --> 00:16:50,899
I posted flyers and everything.
386
00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:53,235
Cops. Oooh.
387
00:16:53,302 --> 00:16:55,203
You're Ethnic Man?
388
00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:57,304
You're damn right.
389
00:16:57,372 --> 00:16:58,305
Ma'am.
390
00:16:58,373 --> 00:16:59,941
Richard, help.
391
00:17:00,008 --> 00:17:01,408
You can't arrest Ethnic Man!
392
00:17:01,476 --> 00:17:03,778
He's about to endorse me
as his favorite candidate.
393
00:17:03,846 --> 00:17:05,512
So this rally was your idea?
394
00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:06,914
What the fuck do you think?
395
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:08,616
Hey!
396
00:17:08,683 --> 00:17:11,051
Hey buddy.
397
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:13,186
Hey, get your hands off
my nightstick, officer!
398
00:17:13,254 --> 00:17:14,520
Oh boy.
399
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,027
You can't seriously
want an endorsement
400
00:17:21,095 --> 00:17:22,896
from that costumed lunatic.
401
00:17:22,964 --> 00:17:25,866
I'd be crazy not to.
Everyone loves Ethnic Man.
402
00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:28,100
Plus, I need to keep
the coloreds happy.
403
00:17:28,168 --> 00:17:30,035
I married a racist imbecile.
404
00:17:30,103 --> 00:17:31,371
Would an imbecile come up
405
00:17:31,438 --> 00:17:33,172
with the perfect plan
to meet Ethnic Man?
406
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,507
Yes.
407
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,175
That's exactly what
an imbecile would do.
408
00:17:39,012 --> 00:17:41,180
This isn't the grocery store.
409
00:17:41,248 --> 00:17:42,948
I must have taken a wrong turn.
410
00:17:43,016 --> 00:17:45,083
I hope no one tries to mug us!
411
00:17:48,588 --> 00:17:51,356
Are you trying to get us
robbed on purpose,
412
00:17:51,424 --> 00:17:53,191
so you can meet Ethnic Man?
413
00:17:53,259 --> 00:17:55,894
I heard this is where he hangs out.
414
00:17:55,961 --> 00:17:57,829
We call it crack town.
415
00:17:57,897 --> 00:17:59,697
You endanger your wife and child
416
00:17:59,765 --> 00:18:01,332
for a publicity stunt?
417
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,733
She's right, dude.
418
00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:04,402
That's low.
419
00:18:04,469 --> 00:18:05,936
You don't look like Ethnic Man.
420
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:07,538
You don't even remember me, do you?
421
00:18:07,606 --> 00:18:09,239
I was at your fucking rally.
422
00:18:09,308 --> 00:18:10,874
I robbed you.
423
00:18:10,942 --> 00:18:12,710
Oh what, we all look the same?
424
00:18:12,778 --> 00:18:14,645
Okay, whoa!
You don't want to do this.
425
00:18:14,713 --> 00:18:16,646
Oh right, 'cause an Asian
can't carjack a bitch.
426
00:18:16,714 --> 00:18:18,515
I should go do some
calculus or something.
427
00:18:24,322 --> 00:18:26,690
Ethnic Man!
Help!
428
00:18:28,426 --> 00:18:30,593
We're going to take a little ride.
429
00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:41,169
Wow.
430
00:18:41,237 --> 00:18:42,771
Wow.
431
00:18:42,839 --> 00:18:44,406
Dispatch, we have two in custody,
432
00:18:44,474 --> 00:18:45,841
heading to booking.
433
00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:47,275
What did I do?
Ten-four.
434
00:18:47,344 --> 00:18:48,576
Let's begin with reckless disregard
435
00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:49,978
for human safety.
436
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,313
Inciting violence.
437
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,981
Indecent behavior.
438
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,217
We'll worry about the hate
crimes at the precinct.
439
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:57,152
Hate crimes?
For a rally?
440
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,587
City doesn't take
kindly to Aryan rallies.
441
00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:00,889
Go figure.
442
00:19:00,957 --> 00:19:02,290
It's a peace rally.
443
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,358
That's a swastika.
444
00:19:04,425 --> 00:19:06,126
Oh...
445
00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:08,095
But it's a Tibetan symbol for peace!
446
00:19:08,163 --> 00:19:10,231
Way to make things
all white supremacy.
447
00:19:10,298 --> 00:19:12,632
Unit 36, there isa kidnapping in progress.
448
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,801
Warehouse 3 at Riverside and John.
449
00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:17,872
City prosecutor's wife.
450
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,340
Ali!
451
00:19:19,407 --> 00:19:20,974
The assailant is drugged and armed.
452
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:28,915
Thirty-five-years-old
453
00:19:28,983 --> 00:19:30,984
and you can't swallow a fucking pill.
454
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:37,022
I can see forever.
455
00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:39,892
You know, if you were
permanently whacked out,
456
00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,827
Daddy could get custodial
control of your life.
457
00:19:42,896 --> 00:19:44,129
Would you like that?
458
00:19:44,197 --> 00:19:45,964
Butterflies are Tuesday.
459
00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:51,403
Daddy, love you so much!
460
00:19:55,774 --> 00:19:59,076
It's a good thing
I found this patient in time.
461
00:19:59,144 --> 00:20:00,411
The security here.
462
00:20:00,478 --> 00:20:02,280
You couldn't spring for a decent lock?
463
00:20:02,347 --> 00:20:03,580
We need to pump her stomach.
464
00:20:03,648 --> 00:20:05,783
Is your first name doctor?
465
00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:08,018
Get me one of those
electro-shock thingies...
466
00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:09,452
A defibrillator?
467
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,454
What did I just fucking say?
468
00:20:17,395 --> 00:20:19,562
Ethnic Man!
Finally.
469
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,031
Get him out of the car.
470
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,969
You seem taller in person.
471
00:20:27,037 --> 00:20:28,404
My wife!
She's in danger.
472
00:20:28,504 --> 00:20:30,005
You've got to save her, Ethnic Man.
473
00:20:30,073 --> 00:20:31,473
And then endorse me for city council.
474
00:20:31,541 --> 00:20:33,042
What do you think you're doing?
475
00:20:33,109 --> 00:20:34,776
I'm drafting Ethnic Man to save Ali.
476
00:20:34,844 --> 00:20:36,545
No, no, no.
This is my Ethnic Man.
477
00:20:36,612 --> 00:20:37,980
If anyone is going to
tell him to save Ali,
478
00:20:38,048 --> 00:20:39,448
it's going to be me.
479
00:20:39,515 --> 00:20:42,150
Perhaps we should let
the police save Ali.
480
00:20:42,217 --> 00:20:44,852
Knock yourself out.
That guy's got a gun.
481
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,956
Do you want me to win this
election or not?
482
00:20:48,023 --> 00:20:51,059
Very well, I -
Ethnic Man -
483
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,961
will save Ali Devon.
484
00:20:53,028 --> 00:20:55,029
Because I told him to.
485
00:20:55,097 --> 00:20:56,529
Ethnic...
486
00:20:56,597 --> 00:20:57,597
Fucking go!
487
00:20:57,665 --> 00:20:59,066
Excuse me.
488
00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:07,874
Are you sure this is the best way
489
00:21:07,942 --> 00:21:09,742
to deal with an overdose?
490
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:12,244
Oh, I'm sure.
Clear!
491
00:21:13,913 --> 00:21:15,614
This asshole isn't a doctor!
492
00:21:15,682 --> 00:21:17,583
She's hallucinating!
He's my father and he's trying to--
493
00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:19,685
Ahhh!
494
00:21:19,752 --> 00:21:21,687
He's trying to turn me
into a vegetable!
495
00:21:21,754 --> 00:21:23,255
Can we get a little more
juice in this thing?
496
00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:25,491
Ahh!
Asshole! Asshole!
497
00:21:25,558 --> 00:21:27,793
Ahhh!
498
00:21:29,195 --> 00:21:31,329
Ahhh!
499
00:21:31,397 --> 00:21:32,730
What's going on?
500
00:21:35,334 --> 00:21:37,402
Mr. Fitzpatrick.
501
00:21:39,238 --> 00:21:41,639
Hey.
Is your kid white?
502
00:21:41,707 --> 00:21:42,974
What?
503
00:21:43,042 --> 00:21:44,141
I heard you can get like thirty grand
504
00:21:44,209 --> 00:21:46,343
for a kid if he's not a minority.
505
00:21:46,411 --> 00:21:48,578
Halt, evil doer.
506
00:21:48,646 --> 00:21:51,181
I am Ethnic Man.
507
00:21:51,249 --> 00:21:52,749
I clean up crime.
508
00:21:52,817 --> 00:21:54,851
Like an ethnic cleanser.
509
00:21:54,919 --> 00:21:59,390
No, wait.
Not like that.
510
00:21:59,457 --> 00:22:03,226
Oh my God, Fitz put you up to this?
511
00:22:03,293 --> 00:22:04,593
Is it so hard to believe
512
00:22:04,661 --> 00:22:06,029
that I'm a degenerate drug addict?
513
00:22:06,096 --> 00:22:07,830
You don't know what
I'll to do to get high.
514
00:22:07,898 --> 00:22:09,232
Oh, God.
515
00:22:09,299 --> 00:22:11,634
The things I've done to get high.
516
00:22:11,701 --> 00:22:13,836
Don't think of Richard as a sleaze
517
00:22:13,904 --> 00:22:15,438
who makes your life miserable.
518
00:22:15,506 --> 00:22:16,905
Think of the good times.
519
00:22:16,972 --> 00:22:20,142
Like moment of happiness
seven months ago.
520
00:22:20,209 --> 00:22:22,977
Seven months ago, when you...
521
00:22:23,046 --> 00:22:25,380
and Richard...
522
00:22:25,448 --> 00:22:28,250
OH. MY. GOODNESS.
523
00:22:31,254 --> 00:22:32,819
Larry - whatever
you're thinking,
524
00:22:32,887 --> 00:22:35,022
don't say one more word.
525
00:22:35,090 --> 00:22:36,657
You know why I became a drug addict?
526
00:22:36,724 --> 00:22:38,659
To show my friends Asian
kids could be cool.
527
00:22:38,726 --> 00:22:40,627
Yeah, it's really cool
to suck dick for crack.
528
00:22:40,695 --> 00:22:42,096
Do you mind?
529
00:22:42,164 --> 00:22:43,330
We're in the middle of something here.
530
00:22:43,398 --> 00:22:45,066
Hey, fuck you, asshole!
531
00:22:45,133 --> 00:22:47,234
My shit's just as important as yours.
532
00:22:47,302 --> 00:22:49,035
Hey, Jamal.I got the stuff -
533
00:22:49,103 --> 00:22:51,271
Whoa!
You're not Jamal.
534
00:22:51,338 --> 00:22:54,740
Holy fuck.
Another one.
535
00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:56,409
Oh, thank god.
536
00:22:56,477 --> 00:23:00,213
You're here to save us.
537
00:23:00,281 --> 00:23:03,550
Yes. Yes!
I'm here to save you.
538
00:23:03,617 --> 00:23:05,650
And not to sell drugs.
539
00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:07,619
You don't even have a weapon.
540
00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:12,191
Before you pull that trigger,
541
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:14,726
you gotta ask yourself one question.
542
00:23:14,794 --> 00:23:17,028
Oh yeah?
543
00:23:17,097 --> 00:23:18,430
What's that?
544
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:21,665
Wanna get high?
545
00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:24,835
It's been four hours
546
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:26,837
since this hostage drama started,
547
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:29,807
with no word from the
kidnapper or kidnappers,
548
00:23:29,874 --> 00:23:32,076
except a demand for fish tacos
549
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:34,979
and Battleship, original edition.
550
00:23:37,948 --> 00:23:40,183
Hello there.
551
00:23:40,251 --> 00:23:42,219
You're black.
What do you think?
552
00:23:42,286 --> 00:23:43,953
Do you think Ali Devon is still alive?
553
00:23:44,021 --> 00:23:46,523
Or do you think that she has
been brutalized sexually
554
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,593
in a way this reporter
can only imagine?
555
00:23:49,660 --> 00:23:51,328
What is with you white chicks?
556
00:23:51,395 --> 00:23:53,529
Don't shoot!
We're coming out.
557
00:23:53,597 --> 00:23:55,131
We're okay!
558
00:23:55,198 --> 00:23:56,698
Fuck.
559
00:23:56,766 --> 00:23:59,001
Let's see your hands!Come on, let's see them!
560
00:24:00,437 --> 00:24:01,870
Keep 'em up, keep 'em up!
561
00:24:01,938 --> 00:24:09,377
Ethnic Man!
562
00:24:09,445 --> 00:24:10,545
Ali!
563
00:24:10,613 --> 00:24:11,746
All right, cuff him, boys!
564
00:24:11,813 --> 00:24:14,415
Stay strong, brother.
565
00:24:14,483 --> 00:24:17,051
Hey, ya!
Ha ha, yeah!
566
00:24:18,787 --> 00:24:22,723
Thank you!
But it's not Ethnic Man.
567
00:24:22,791 --> 00:24:24,158
It's Every Man.
568
00:24:24,225 --> 00:24:25,659
And Ethnic Man
569
00:24:25,726 --> 00:24:27,628
is voting for Richard Fitzpatrick!
570
00:24:27,695 --> 00:24:28,795
Every Man.
571
00:24:28,863 --> 00:24:30,597
No, he's voting for Chester Vince!
572
00:24:30,665 --> 00:24:32,266
No!
573
00:24:32,333 --> 00:24:36,370
Every Man is not about voting!
574
00:24:36,437 --> 00:24:38,071
Cock banging fuck sockets.
575
00:24:38,139 --> 00:24:39,939
And he's not about politics.
576
00:24:40,007 --> 00:24:42,608
Yeah, he's about compassion.
577
00:24:42,676 --> 00:24:44,710
No.
He's about equality.
578
00:24:44,778 --> 00:24:47,012
You fucking idiots are wrong.
579
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,114
Ethnic Man is all about getting votes
580
00:24:49,183 --> 00:24:50,783
for Richard Fitzpatrick
581
00:24:50,850 --> 00:24:53,653
so he can open his bar.
582
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,354
Uh, and respect for all.
583
00:24:56,422 --> 00:24:57,922
You want me to respect a criminal?
584
00:24:57,990 --> 00:25:00,058
You're just pissed I'm a
better thief than you are.
585
00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:02,494
I'm a Legal Aid lawyer, General Tao.
586
00:25:02,562 --> 00:25:04,396
You rice rocket, fortune
cookie, mother fucker.
587
00:25:04,463 --> 00:25:05,697
Oh, for fuck's sake -
588
00:25:05,764 --> 00:25:07,165
can we talk about
what's important here?
589
00:25:07,233 --> 00:25:09,568
Me, winning this election.
590
00:25:09,635 --> 00:25:10,868
And for the record-
591
00:25:10,936 --> 00:25:12,336
Well, I love all races.
592
00:25:12,404 --> 00:25:14,672
And I don't have to
classify the women I nail.
593
00:25:14,739 --> 00:25:16,173
I don't get the yellow fever.
594
00:25:16,241 --> 00:25:18,175
I'm not after the brown sugar.
595
00:25:18,243 --> 00:25:19,643
There's only one color
596
00:25:19,711 --> 00:25:21,378
that matters to Richard Fitzpatrick:
597
00:25:21,446 --> 00:25:24,014
that's the sweet, soft pink.
598
00:25:26,117 --> 00:25:28,018
Mmmm.
599
00:25:28,086 --> 00:25:30,453
Am I right or am I right?
600
00:25:30,521 --> 00:25:31,854
I'm not sure...
601
00:25:31,922 --> 00:25:36,125
I think what Richard
is trying to say is...
602
00:25:36,193 --> 00:25:38,894
Can't we all just get along?
603
00:25:38,962 --> 00:25:40,129
Guys?
604
00:25:40,197 --> 00:25:41,831
Group hug, maybe?
605
00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:44,100
Good one, man!
606
00:25:44,167 --> 00:25:45,834
That answer your question,
cracker ass?
607
00:25:45,901 --> 00:25:47,269
Look out!
608
00:25:47,337 --> 00:25:48,870
Hey, fuck you!
609
00:25:57,179 --> 00:26:02,350
Welcome to my world
610
00:26:02,417 --> 00:26:07,721
Won't you come on in
611
00:26:07,788 --> 00:26:12,825
Miracles, I guess
612
00:26:12,893 --> 00:26:18,365
Still happen now and then
613
00:26:18,432 --> 00:26:21,268
Step into my heart
614
00:26:23,503 --> 00:26:26,639
God damn torturer fuckers.
615
00:26:27,907 --> 00:26:29,475
Now we can go to group together.
616
00:26:29,542 --> 00:26:30,743
That'll be fun.
617
00:26:30,810 --> 00:26:32,278
There's pudding on Tuesdays.
618
00:26:32,345 --> 00:26:34,146
There's a pool here.
It's pretty okay.
619
00:26:34,213 --> 00:26:36,482
Except that bitch nurse
makes me wear floaties.
620
00:26:36,549 --> 00:26:39,817
Like, what?
621
00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:51,418
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
622
00:26:51,468 --> 00:26:56,018
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
42397
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