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1
00:00:06,205 --> 00:00:08,082
Pay attention, fuckers.
2
00:00:08,527 --> 00:00:10,395
T-minus awesome,
Richard.
3
00:00:10,463 --> 00:00:11,963
Almost ready to cut the ribbon.
4
00:00:12,030 --> 00:00:14,399
Here's a little opening night present.
5
00:00:14,467 --> 00:00:16,033
This is a demolition order!
6
00:00:16,101 --> 00:00:18,403
You're not gonna tear down
my place for some fuckin' mouse!
7
00:00:18,471 --> 00:00:20,204
I think it's a bird.
8
00:00:20,272 --> 00:00:23,807
The endangered titmouseis protected by federal law...
9
00:00:23,875 --> 00:00:26,443
and I...I killed it.
10
00:00:26,511 --> 00:00:29,279
Resent me?
Why would you resent me?
11
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,284
Me and my buddies
12
00:00:34,352 --> 00:00:36,420
are the species that
need to be protected!
13
00:00:36,488 --> 00:00:38,989
And that's why I'm running
for city council!
14
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:41,858
No you don't, Richard Fitzpatrick!
15
00:00:41,925 --> 00:00:43,659
That is my seat in council!
16
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:46,829
Mine!
Chester, no, calm down!
17
00:00:50,667 --> 00:00:53,936
Not the bar!
Not the bar!
18
00:00:54,004 --> 00:00:57,338
Fuck!
19
00:01:01,477 --> 00:01:03,445
This sap has spent his whole life
20
00:01:03,513 --> 00:01:05,380
doing what he's told.
21
00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:07,949
And what has he got to show for it?
22
00:01:08,017 --> 00:01:09,518
A ponytail.
23
00:01:09,585 --> 00:01:11,852
A polyester blend shirt.
24
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,353
And Dockers.
25
00:01:13,455 --> 00:01:15,556
Dockers!
26
00:01:15,624 --> 00:01:17,324
Someone's got to teach this chump
27
00:01:17,392 --> 00:01:19,727
that life is for living.
28
00:01:19,795 --> 00:01:22,062
That fortune favours the bold.
29
00:01:22,130 --> 00:01:24,632
And that rules are made to be broken.
30
00:01:24,699 --> 00:01:28,367
I've done my research.
This is the car for me.
31
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,069
It sure is.
32
00:01:30,137 --> 00:01:33,239
A nice, mild, dependable car
33
00:01:33,307 --> 00:01:37,610
that assures everyone
that you are not a threat.
34
00:01:37,678 --> 00:01:40,212
Not like that monster.
35
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,949
That car needs a real man.
36
00:01:43,016 --> 00:01:45,884
Someone willing to slide inside her
37
00:01:45,952 --> 00:01:47,753
and take control.
38
00:01:47,821 --> 00:01:51,457
A man who knows when to ride her hard,
39
00:01:51,524 --> 00:01:53,525
and when to be gentle.
40
00:01:54,694 --> 00:01:56,695
So let me ask you...
41
00:01:56,763 --> 00:01:58,363
...are you that man?
42
00:02:06,104 --> 00:02:07,304
Nice work.
43
00:02:07,372 --> 00:02:08,940
What about my tip?
44
00:02:09,007 --> 00:02:10,341
Oh, don't worry, baby.
45
00:02:10,408 --> 00:02:12,242
Fitzy would never leave you hanging...
46
00:02:13,779 --> 00:02:15,512
Hey!
47
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:17,413
You may have a thirty
percent stake here
48
00:02:17,482 --> 00:02:19,282
but we're still your bosses.
49
00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:21,384
So I only have to listen to you
thirty percent of the time.
50
00:02:21,452 --> 00:02:23,219
You have to listen to us
seventy percent of the time.
51
00:02:23,287 --> 00:02:25,154
All of the time.
All of the time!
52
00:02:25,222 --> 00:02:27,323
Which means you play by our rules.
53
00:02:27,391 --> 00:02:30,026
High card fucks the camel first?
54
00:02:30,094 --> 00:02:32,294
The used car lot code of ethics.
55
00:02:32,362 --> 00:02:33,996
Rule number one...
56
00:02:34,063 --> 00:02:35,163
Here's your cut of the commission.
57
00:02:35,231 --> 00:02:37,633
Perhaps rules is too harsh.
58
00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:39,869
Consider these guidelines.
Suggestions.
59
00:02:39,936 --> 00:02:41,103
Cousin.
Cousin.
60
00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:42,938
Hey, wonder twins.
Take it outside.
61
00:02:43,006 --> 00:02:45,107
Cousin! Cousin!
Cousin! Cousin!
62
00:02:45,174 --> 00:02:46,775
Break all the rules.
63
00:02:46,843 --> 00:02:48,877
That's the only rule that matters.
64
00:02:48,944 --> 00:02:51,913
And I follow it religiously.
65
00:02:51,981 --> 00:02:53,114
COUSIN!
66
00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:30,686
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
67
00:03:39,259 --> 00:03:40,459
All right, shitbirds.
68
00:03:40,527 --> 00:03:41,427
We've got a long day ahead of us
69
00:03:41,494 --> 00:03:42,828
and a lot of ground to cover.
70
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,931
"Operation Elect Fitz"
is twenty-four hours old,
71
00:03:44,998 --> 00:03:46,532
and I'm not even on the ballot.
72
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,167
You need to tell Larry that
I'm your campaign manager.
73
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,468
I think we can all agree
74
00:03:49,536 --> 00:03:51,270
that I'm the most
qualified for the job.
75
00:03:51,337 --> 00:03:52,837
On what grounds?
76
00:03:52,905 --> 00:03:54,205
I brought snacks.
77
00:03:54,273 --> 00:03:55,907
Snacks That's your contribution?
78
00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:57,676
Fitz would never pick you.
79
00:03:57,743 --> 00:04:00,111
To win, he needs someone ruthless.
80
00:04:00,179 --> 00:04:02,047
Cutthroat.
81
00:04:02,114 --> 00:04:04,583
Someone who isn't afraid
to break a few rules -
82
00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:06,551
or spines -
83
00:04:06,619 --> 00:04:08,619
To get the job done.
84
00:04:08,687 --> 00:04:10,654
If I am chosen to be
the campaign manager,
85
00:04:10,722 --> 00:04:14,257
I promise to do my best,
to do my duty...
86
00:04:14,325 --> 00:04:16,159
to God and My Country...
87
00:04:16,227 --> 00:04:17,561
Hey, Fitz...
88
00:04:17,629 --> 00:04:18,929
Wanna get high?
89
00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:21,799
Josh McTaggart takes the lead.
90
00:04:26,036 --> 00:04:28,004
Anytime, Josh.
Thank you.
91
00:04:41,985 --> 00:04:43,384
Nice cover.
92
00:04:43,452 --> 00:04:45,053
Nope.
Sinatra.
93
00:04:45,121 --> 00:04:46,454
Original 45s.
94
00:04:46,522 --> 00:04:49,390
No, cover for the high stakes game.
95
00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:50,659
Vinnie here?
96
00:04:50,727 --> 00:04:53,228
No Vinnie here.
And no poker, either.
97
00:04:53,295 --> 00:04:54,830
I'm not vice, Fuckjuggler.
98
00:04:54,897 --> 00:04:57,364
Tell Vinnie Ken Fitzpatrick's here
99
00:04:57,432 --> 00:04:59,266
and he wants a real game.
100
00:04:59,334 --> 00:05:01,702
With real men.
101
00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:04,005
Can't believe all
the gay shit that's going on.
102
00:05:04,072 --> 00:05:05,339
Tore out the track.
103
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,842
They turned the bar
into a yoga studio.
104
00:05:07,943 --> 00:05:10,911
It's faggot fucking Friday
every goddamn day.
105
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,415
Mr. DiNovi died a year ago
106
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,052
and I got this dump on the cheap.
107
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,354
I sanded the wooden floors
108
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,657
and redid the bad seventies stucco
109
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,993
with these two Homo hands.
110
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:31,797
And that Wurlitzer,
it's an original from Vegas.
111
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,633
My asshole son would
blow a load for this.
112
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,168
Explains your homophobia.
113
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,335
Your son is probably gay.
114
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:39,537
No one calls my son gay except me.
115
00:05:39,604 --> 00:05:40,972
You not buying, get out.
116
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,141
You're asking me to leave?
I'm telling you to.
117
00:05:43,208 --> 00:05:45,143
This is my turf, you colon cowboy.
118
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:47,011
You know how much it
cost me to get here?
119
00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:48,445
And now how am I supposed to survive?
120
00:05:48,513 --> 00:05:50,214
No track, no bookie...
121
00:05:50,282 --> 00:05:52,349
It's about time this
dumpy strip of beach
122
00:05:52,417 --> 00:05:53,917
was brought up to code.
123
00:05:53,985 --> 00:05:55,385
Gay code.
124
00:05:55,452 --> 00:05:57,988
Real men don't want fucking
nail bars and antiques!
125
00:05:58,056 --> 00:05:59,589
Real men?
126
00:05:59,657 --> 00:06:02,192
You think Frank and Dean
never got lonely on the road?
127
00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:03,426
Shut your fucking mouth...
128
00:06:03,494 --> 00:06:04,861
And don't get me started
129
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:06,963
about the pants parties
JFK used to throw.
130
00:06:07,031 --> 00:06:09,399
You lying sack of ass.
131
00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:13,602
Ugh!
132
00:06:21,678 --> 00:06:23,245
I'm alive!
133
00:06:23,313 --> 00:06:26,514
Ken Fitzpatrick is alive!
134
00:06:26,582 --> 00:06:28,183
Stupid Fitzpatrick!
135
00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:29,784
Kills my titmouse!
136
00:06:29,852 --> 00:06:31,119
Crashes my convention!
137
00:06:31,187 --> 00:06:35,056
Thinks. He. Can.
Run. For. Office!
138
00:06:38,861 --> 00:06:41,696
Chester, honey, what's wrong?
139
00:06:43,031 --> 00:06:44,732
Nothing's wrong, Ali.
140
00:06:44,799 --> 00:06:46,734
What gives you that idea?
141
00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:47,968
Uh...
142
00:06:53,307 --> 00:06:55,542
You can't really be mad at Fitz.
143
00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:57,211
His bar closed because of you.
144
00:06:57,278 --> 00:06:59,812
For the good of the
speckled titmouse, Ali.
145
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,580
An innocent victim
of human encroachment
146
00:07:01,648 --> 00:07:04,383
that needs our protection
from selfish predators
147
00:07:04,451 --> 00:07:06,252
like Richard Fitzpatrick.
148
00:07:06,319 --> 00:07:07,453
Chester, I told you...
149
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,755
what happened between me and Fitz
150
00:07:08,822 --> 00:07:10,757
was pre-wedding jitters.
151
00:07:10,824 --> 00:07:12,524
He just happened to be in the car.
152
00:07:12,592 --> 00:07:15,193
We didn't do anything,
I swear to -
153
00:07:15,261 --> 00:07:17,562
I swear to God.
154
00:07:17,630 --> 00:07:20,832
He's so sleazy,
but everyone loves him.
155
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:24,569
You have nothing to worry about.
156
00:07:24,637 --> 00:07:25,937
Though I do admit...
157
00:07:26,005 --> 00:07:28,874
it would make life easier
if he didn't exist.
158
00:07:34,545 --> 00:07:36,847
Richard...
this is an historic moment.
159
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,048
And it should be documented.
160
00:07:38,116 --> 00:07:39,683
Document this.
161
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,285
Actually, don't.
162
00:07:41,352 --> 00:07:42,920
Last thing I need
163
00:07:42,988 --> 00:07:44,521
is you taking photos of me
bribing the election officials.
164
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,989
Richard, no.
165
00:07:46,056 --> 00:07:48,524
Unlike one Dot Foxley
who shall remain nameless,
166
00:07:48,592 --> 00:07:50,726
you can play by the rules
and still get the job done.
167
00:07:50,795 --> 00:07:53,229
You don't have to cut corners
to be a person of action.
168
00:07:53,297 --> 00:07:54,898
What the hell's gotten
into you, lady-parts?
169
00:07:54,965 --> 00:07:56,866
You're even more
irritating than usual.
170
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,501
You said you wanted to run for office.
171
00:07:58,568 --> 00:08:00,870
That is not a statement
to make lightly.
172
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,437
You're asking people to sacrifice
173
00:08:02,505 --> 00:08:05,274
their time, their money,
their values for your cause!
174
00:08:05,341 --> 00:08:07,742
So?
Just promise me you'll do this by the book.
175
00:08:09,846 --> 00:08:11,613
I promise, Larry.
176
00:08:11,681 --> 00:08:13,415
No money will trade hands.
177
00:08:22,157 --> 00:08:25,359
Now I'll add your name
to the nomination list,
178
00:08:25,427 --> 00:08:27,962
and we're... we're...
we're...
179
00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:37,370
That's strange.
180
00:08:37,438 --> 00:08:38,839
You're not in the computer.
181
00:08:38,906 --> 00:08:42,508
According to this,
you don't even exist.
182
00:08:46,314 --> 00:08:48,514
Okay, I talked to
the election committee,
183
00:08:48,582 --> 00:08:50,415
and even though you've
been erroneously deleted
184
00:08:50,483 --> 00:08:51,951
from the city's computer system,
185
00:08:52,018 --> 00:08:53,886
they are willing to
put you on the ballot.
186
00:08:53,954 --> 00:08:55,387
What's the catch?
187
00:08:55,455 --> 00:08:58,290
It's not that bad...
actually.
188
00:08:58,358 --> 00:09:00,926
Twenty people need to sign
this nomination support form.
189
00:09:00,994 --> 00:09:03,362
But I already signed,
so you only need nineteen more.
190
00:09:03,429 --> 00:09:04,930
Fuck.
191
00:09:04,998 --> 00:09:06,898
Oh, and they need your
driver's license.
192
00:09:06,966 --> 00:09:09,667
And passport...
and birth certificate.
193
00:09:09,735 --> 00:09:11,469
Original long form...
194
00:09:11,536 --> 00:09:13,371
...by 5pm on Friday.
195
00:09:13,438 --> 00:09:15,139
FUCK!
196
00:09:20,379 --> 00:09:21,846
But...
197
00:09:27,051 --> 00:09:29,920
How many times do I have to
tell you tenacious cum bubbles,
198
00:09:29,988 --> 00:09:32,489
I don't want to save on
my long distance plan!
199
00:09:32,556 --> 00:09:33,723
Nice.
200
00:09:33,791 --> 00:09:35,359
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
201
00:09:35,426 --> 00:09:37,060
Who the fuck is this?
202
00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:38,427
Listen, jelly bean.
203
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,062
You stole that Wurlitzer from my shop.
204
00:09:40,130 --> 00:09:41,397
I want it back.
205
00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:42,932
Don't know what you're talking about.
206
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,500
You've got twenty-four hours.
207
00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:46,769
After that, I'll take it by force.
208
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:47,970
Bullshit.
209
00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:49,505
If you guys had any real claim
210
00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:51,374
to some jukebox you think I have,
211
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:52,741
you'd have already called the cops.
212
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,175
Who needs the cops.
213
00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:55,777
I've got the gay mafia.
214
00:09:55,844 --> 00:09:59,314
That's a myth.
Like Santa Claus or dolphins.
215
00:09:59,382 --> 00:10:01,182
Open your eyes.We're everywhere.
216
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:02,550
And there's nothing we won't do
217
00:10:02,618 --> 00:10:03,718
for a sixer of coolers
218
00:10:03,786 --> 00:10:06,254
and some amyl nitrate.
219
00:10:16,998 --> 00:10:18,465
Holy shit.
220
00:10:18,533 --> 00:10:20,700
You've got no idea, sunshine.
221
00:10:20,768 --> 00:10:23,370
We make up ten percent
of the planet's population.
222
00:10:23,438 --> 00:10:26,239
That's six-hundredmillion of us.
223
00:10:26,307 --> 00:10:27,473
I knew that!
224
00:10:27,541 --> 00:10:28,808
No, you didn't.
225
00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:31,277
Fuck.
226
00:10:34,181 --> 00:10:35,581
You seen my birth certificate?
227
00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:37,883
You have got to be fucking kidding.
228
00:10:37,952 --> 00:10:40,420
Six months I've been stuck
in this mental hospital
229
00:10:40,487 --> 00:10:42,388
with no contact from
the outside world.
230
00:10:42,456 --> 00:10:43,689
What the fuck are you bitching about?
231
00:10:43,757 --> 00:10:45,190
You got three hots and a cot.
232
00:10:45,258 --> 00:10:46,959
It's so depressing here.
233
00:10:47,026 --> 00:10:48,928
There's no cable.
234
00:10:48,995 --> 00:10:50,596
No dice for the board-games.
235
00:10:50,664 --> 00:10:54,299
And all everyone does is whine
about their lousy childhoods.
236
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,134
Molested.
Molested.
237
00:10:56,202 --> 00:10:57,970
Molester...
238
00:10:58,037 --> 00:10:59,337
Hey.
239
00:10:59,404 --> 00:11:01,038
Do you know where it is or don't you?
240
00:11:01,106 --> 00:11:03,040
You're so selfish.
241
00:11:03,108 --> 00:11:04,509
What do I get?
242
00:11:05,578 --> 00:11:07,244
Ooh!
243
00:11:07,312 --> 00:11:08,379
I've got gum.
244
00:11:08,447 --> 00:11:10,147
Ooh!
Give it to me.
245
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:13,918
Mmm.
Yummy.
246
00:11:18,089 --> 00:11:21,592
After SOMEONE burned my house down,
247
00:11:21,659 --> 00:11:23,994
I gave my important papers to Daddy.
248
00:11:24,061 --> 00:11:26,229
Fuck.
You know where he kept them?
249
00:11:26,297 --> 00:11:29,666
My gosh.
This gum is so delicious.
250
00:11:29,734 --> 00:11:31,767
I'd sure love to
have some for late-
251
00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:36,105
He kept all his important
stuff in his safe.
252
00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:37,573
And he's got that in Miami.
253
00:11:37,641 --> 00:11:38,774
Hooo!
254
00:11:40,110 --> 00:11:41,744
Fuck!
255
00:11:41,812 --> 00:11:44,079
Oh yeah!
I got some gum.
256
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,027
I just don't feel right
257
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,829
arriving without a housewarming gift.
258
00:12:00,897 --> 00:12:02,363
It's the first rule
of proper etiquette.
259
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:04,632
Listen, fabric softener -
this is a surgical strike.
260
00:12:04,699 --> 00:12:06,299
We get in, get my birth certificate,
261
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,701
and get back home.
262
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,269
It's getting down to the wire.
263
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:10,905
It wouldn't be if we hadn't
driven around all night
264
00:12:10,972 --> 00:12:12,472
looking for Carlita's.
265
00:12:12,541 --> 00:12:13,674
I can't believe she moved
266
00:12:13,742 --> 00:12:16,010
and didn't send a forwarding address.
267
00:12:16,077 --> 00:12:17,377
Open up, ass-leak.
268
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,445
Just a minute, please!
269
00:12:19,513 --> 00:12:20,880
Ken sure sounds happy.
270
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,251
Hold your fire!
It's your son!
271
00:12:26,654 --> 00:12:27,820
And Larry!
272
00:12:31,224 --> 00:12:32,692
What do you mean Carlita's is gone?
273
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,560
Fucking gay mafia paved paradise
274
00:12:34,627 --> 00:12:36,094
and put up a parking lot.
275
00:12:36,162 --> 00:12:37,863
It's actually a Bed, Bath and Beyond.
276
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,598
They've ruined the whole
fucking neighbourhood.
277
00:12:39,666 --> 00:12:41,033
The gay mafia?
278
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,068
Christ, they move in the
shadows, like ninjas...
279
00:12:43,135 --> 00:12:44,502
who love cock.
280
00:12:44,571 --> 00:12:46,371
Why would the gay mafia
give a shit about you?
281
00:12:46,439 --> 00:12:48,406
I'm a fresh piece of meat.
282
00:12:48,474 --> 00:12:50,175
What the fuck are you
doing here, anyway?
283
00:12:50,242 --> 00:12:52,509
I need my birth certificate.
And not the fake one.
284
00:12:52,578 --> 00:12:54,244
Figures you'd need something.
285
00:12:54,312 --> 00:12:56,881
Well, this time, no more freebies.
286
00:12:56,949 --> 00:13:00,417
I'm tired of being
Mr. Nice Guy.
287
00:13:00,485 --> 00:13:02,519
I want out of Miami with my Wurlitzer.
288
00:13:02,588 --> 00:13:03,988
No fucking way.
289
00:13:04,056 --> 00:13:06,823
It's a gift for your shithole lounge.
290
00:13:06,891 --> 00:13:08,058
Aw, really?
291
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:10,126
Of course not, Polly-anal.
292
00:13:11,528 --> 00:13:13,129
What's so important
about this piece of shit?
293
00:13:13,197 --> 00:13:15,832
Did you get even more retarded
in the last three minutes?
294
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:17,366
I told you.
295
00:13:17,434 --> 00:13:20,737
Those intestine inspectors
took away my ability to earn,
296
00:13:20,805 --> 00:13:23,739
so I'm taking this
Wurlitzer from them.
297
00:13:23,807 --> 00:13:27,876
It's my new nest egg
worth forty large.
298
00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:30,445
And it comes with me.
Or you get shit.
299
00:13:32,616 --> 00:13:34,182
Fuck. Fine.
300
00:13:34,250 --> 00:13:36,118
But we're taking your wheels.
301
00:13:36,185 --> 00:13:37,419
And the blow.
302
00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:39,087
You can't travel with the cocaines.
303
00:13:39,154 --> 00:13:40,822
What if we get caught?
304
00:13:54,503 --> 00:13:56,937
Fuckin' hurry up, Larry.
Got it.
305
00:14:03,778 --> 00:14:05,445
Wait!
I forgot something.
306
00:14:05,513 --> 00:14:07,247
The fruit!
WHERE?
307
00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:11,216
It's okay!
I found it.
308
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,003
The fuck is this?
309
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:34,372
It's not a border crossing.
It's not even on the map.
310
00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:44,882
How you doin' this afternoon, officer?
311
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,319
Pineapple, huh?
312
00:14:49,387 --> 00:14:50,921
I love pineapple.
313
00:14:50,989 --> 00:14:52,756
It's nature's pharmacy.
314
00:14:52,824 --> 00:14:54,158
Full of nutrients, cures irregularity,
315
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:55,859
keeps the old kidneys clean.
316
00:14:55,927 --> 00:14:59,195
Even prevents the formation of plaque.
317
00:14:59,262 --> 00:15:02,198
Well, if good nutrition is illegal,
318
00:15:02,265 --> 00:15:04,000
then I guess I'm guilty as charged.
319
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:06,602
You're also guilty of
transporting quarantined fruit
320
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,337
out of a restricted zone.
321
00:15:08,405 --> 00:15:09,371
Huh?
322
00:15:09,439 --> 00:15:11,407
Out of the fucking car!
323
00:15:14,111 --> 00:15:15,310
Please don't find the gun...
324
00:15:15,377 --> 00:15:16,311
Please don't find the drugs...
325
00:15:16,378 --> 00:15:17,645
Please don't find the gun...
326
00:15:17,714 --> 00:15:19,581
Please don't find the drugs...
327
00:15:19,648 --> 00:15:22,117
Richard, this is your first
test as a public official.
328
00:15:22,185 --> 00:15:24,186
So whatever your instinct
is telling you to do -
329
00:15:24,253 --> 00:15:26,121
do the exact opposite.
330
00:15:26,189 --> 00:15:27,889
Just be honest, answer all
her questions truthfully,
331
00:15:27,957 --> 00:15:29,257
and we will get out of this mess...
332
00:15:29,325 --> 00:15:30,925
Or you'll get killed in the crossfire.
333
00:15:30,992 --> 00:15:32,426
What?
Please kill him in the crossfire.
334
00:15:32,493 --> 00:15:33,928
Please let Richard get killed...
335
00:15:33,995 --> 00:15:35,662
Well well well...
336
00:15:35,731 --> 00:15:38,132
I hope someone can explain...
337
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,966
...this.
338
00:15:41,536 --> 00:15:43,737
Why does the FBI give
a shit about fruit?
339
00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:45,839
That's all the FBI cares about.
340
00:15:45,906 --> 00:15:49,075
FBI: Federal Botany
Investigator.
341
00:15:49,143 --> 00:15:50,510
What did you think it stood for?
342
00:15:50,578 --> 00:15:52,879
That other Government agency?
343
00:15:52,947 --> 00:15:54,147
Yes.
344
00:15:54,215 --> 00:15:56,181
You're a fruit cop?
345
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,551
Figures those bitches would
have their own police force.
346
00:15:58,619 --> 00:16:00,720
I'm an agricultural agent.
347
00:16:00,787 --> 00:16:03,322
And you've broken several
federal vegetation laws
348
00:16:03,390 --> 00:16:05,190
with this one bag of fruit alone.
349
00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:07,025
You could each be looking at 50...
350
00:16:07,093 --> 00:16:09,428
maybe 75...
351
00:16:09,496 --> 00:16:12,797
...dollar fines.
352
00:16:12,865 --> 00:16:13,931
Fork it over -
353
00:16:13,999 --> 00:16:15,166
before she calls the real cops!
354
00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:16,534
What?
355
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:19,237
This badge doesn't make me a real cop?
356
00:16:20,506 --> 00:16:22,206
What about this gun?
357
00:16:22,275 --> 00:16:24,075
You think it's fake?
Do you?
358
00:16:24,143 --> 00:16:25,877
No one doubts your credentials, ma'am.
359
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,210
But Jimmy Buffet here
360
00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:29,179
is worried about
the "real cops."
361
00:16:29,247 --> 00:16:31,415
Agricultural crime
is serious business.
362
00:16:31,483 --> 00:16:33,550
And I'm the last line of defence.
363
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,919
Four years, three months,
two days, six hours
364
00:16:35,987 --> 00:16:38,054
I've manned this station alone.
365
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,690
Protecting temperate farming regions
366
00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:43,859
from invasive subtropical
species, smuggling and fraud.
367
00:16:43,927 --> 00:16:45,828
Fruit fraud.
368
00:16:45,896 --> 00:16:47,897
You think that's funny.
369
00:16:47,964 --> 00:16:50,733
Want to hear something else funny?
370
00:16:54,905 --> 00:16:56,572
I think the stress of her job
371
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,473
is making Agent Nelson a little...
372
00:16:58,541 --> 00:16:59,841
sensitive.
373
00:16:59,909 --> 00:17:02,243
Our best bet is to remain calm.
374
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:05,146
Everyone just stay calm.
375
00:17:05,214 --> 00:17:06,848
Do you know who I am?
376
00:17:06,916 --> 00:17:09,050
I'm Ken Fucking Fitzpatrick!
377
00:17:09,118 --> 00:17:10,819
And I want out!
I want out!
378
00:17:10,886 --> 00:17:12,321
Well, boys -
379
00:17:12,388 --> 00:17:14,155
looks like your day just went from bad
380
00:17:14,223 --> 00:17:15,623
to shit-storm.
381
00:17:15,691 --> 00:17:17,725
Your credit card isn't valid,
382
00:17:17,793 --> 00:17:18,926
which isn't surprising,
383
00:17:18,993 --> 00:17:20,861
since according to my computer,
384
00:17:20,929 --> 00:17:23,096
you don't even exist.
385
00:17:23,164 --> 00:17:24,365
Fuck...
386
00:17:24,433 --> 00:17:26,233
Oh, I can explain that.
387
00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:28,703
How about I explain it to you?
388
00:17:28,770 --> 00:17:32,372
Mr. X here heads up a
fruit smuggling syndicate
389
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,576
that I've been trying to prove
exists for about a decade.
390
00:17:36,644 --> 00:17:37,944
No, actually.
391
00:17:38,011 --> 00:17:39,612
His name is Mr. Fitzpatrick
392
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,881
and we can prove his identity
with his birth certificate.
393
00:17:41,949 --> 00:17:45,552
And a birth certificate
couldn't possibly be forged.
394
00:17:45,619 --> 00:17:47,252
You smuggle fruit.
395
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,020
There's nothing you wouldn't do.
396
00:17:49,088 --> 00:17:50,956
I'll get the truth out of you.
397
00:17:51,023 --> 00:17:53,158
Out of all of you.
398
00:17:55,762 --> 00:18:00,131
Eenie meenie miney...
399
00:18:00,199 --> 00:18:01,667
Moe!
400
00:18:01,735 --> 00:18:03,368
Nominations close
at five o'clock-
401
00:18:03,435 --> 00:18:09,340
And it looks like Daddy
will be running unopposed.
402
00:18:09,408 --> 00:18:11,609
See, I told you.
403
00:18:11,677 --> 00:18:13,411
Hmm?
Didn't I tell you?
404
00:18:13,479 --> 00:18:16,481
A little insurance never hurts.
405
00:18:16,548 --> 00:18:18,115
Chester...
406
00:18:18,183 --> 00:18:20,083
I merely suggested to some
people I know at City Hall
407
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:22,218
that if Fitz was somehow accidentally
408
00:18:22,286 --> 00:18:23,487
deleted from the system...
409
00:18:23,554 --> 00:18:25,021
maybe they'd get a little raise.
410
00:18:25,089 --> 00:18:27,190
You bribed a city official
411
00:18:27,258 --> 00:18:29,192
to help you steal the election?
412
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:32,529
That's so underhanded...
413
00:18:32,597 --> 00:18:34,264
so sleazy...
414
00:18:34,331 --> 00:18:37,332
so Fitz...
415
00:18:38,602 --> 00:18:40,836
Ali, we agreed...
416
00:18:40,904 --> 00:18:43,639
I don't want the baby
to see my weewee.
417
00:18:58,086 --> 00:18:59,987
Your computer is wrong.
418
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,791
His name is Richard Fitzpatrick...
419
00:19:02,858 --> 00:19:05,226
it's a funny story, actually.
420
00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:06,794
Richard is running for public office
421
00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:08,862
and his competition deleted
him from the system
422
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,230
to keep him off the ballot.
423
00:19:12,233 --> 00:19:13,700
Computers never lie.
424
00:19:13,768 --> 00:19:15,268
Or make fun of your job.
425
00:19:15,336 --> 00:19:16,670
Or sleep with your supervisor
426
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:18,238
to get you transferred
to the middle of nowhere
427
00:19:18,306 --> 00:19:20,674
instead of just breaking up with you.
428
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,042
We had to go to Miami
429
00:19:22,109 --> 00:19:23,275
to get Fitz's birth certificate.
430
00:19:23,343 --> 00:19:24,744
And now we're heading to City Hall
431
00:19:24,812 --> 00:19:26,979
to register him in time
for the election and...
432
00:19:28,549 --> 00:19:30,382
No.
Dear God.
433
00:19:30,451 --> 00:19:32,452
No. No! No!
434
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:35,955
Hang in there, Larry!
435
00:19:36,022 --> 00:19:38,190
Don't give that fuck the satisfaction!
436
00:19:38,258 --> 00:19:39,825
It stings!A lot!
437
00:19:39,892 --> 00:19:42,461
Now Larry?
I'd vote for him.
438
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:44,429
You'd vote for that
cum-sock over me?
439
00:19:44,497 --> 00:19:45,964
I'd never vote for you.
440
00:19:46,031 --> 00:19:47,432
I'll remember that when I've won.
441
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:48,834
And you'll never win.
442
00:19:48,901 --> 00:19:51,202
Because no one could
give two shits about you.
443
00:19:52,438 --> 00:19:54,072
I deserve this.
444
00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:56,173
It's justice.
Karma.
445
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,141
I'm sorry I killed you,
little titmouse.
446
00:19:58,209 --> 00:19:59,977
It was an accident.
447
00:20:00,044 --> 00:20:03,747
Let me guess.
It was endangered too.
448
00:20:03,815 --> 00:20:05,749
You sadistic freak.
449
00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:13,823
Oh yeah.
450
00:20:13,891 --> 00:20:16,526
It's a fruit.
451
00:20:19,597 --> 00:20:21,163
The only hope you'd have of winning
452
00:20:21,231 --> 00:20:23,332
is to change everything
about yourself,
453
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,535
you unlikable puke.
454
00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:27,302
You're right-
I know I'm right.
455
00:20:27,370 --> 00:20:29,437
Not you, you piss rag.
456
00:20:29,506 --> 00:20:31,373
Play along, or shut the fuck up.
457
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,341
Agent Nelson!
458
00:20:38,314 --> 00:20:39,648
You're right.
459
00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:40,983
Richard Fitzpatrick doesn't exist.
460
00:20:41,050 --> 00:20:42,317
It's a cover identity.
461
00:20:42,385 --> 00:20:43,684
My real name...
462
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,686
is Chester Vince.
463
00:20:49,190 --> 00:20:51,458
I've been under deep
cover for months now.
464
00:20:51,527 --> 00:20:54,896
International tomato smugglers.
465
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,430
Your diligence has revealed
466
00:20:56,498 --> 00:20:58,298
a critical flaw in my cover;
467
00:20:58,366 --> 00:21:01,134
one that could get me killed.
468
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:03,236
I owe you my life, agent.
469
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,971
Sure you do.
470
00:21:05,039 --> 00:21:06,606
You don't believe me?
471
00:21:06,674 --> 00:21:07,941
Let me call my handler,
472
00:21:08,009 --> 00:21:10,443
He'll bring my real ID down here.
473
00:21:10,511 --> 00:21:13,146
I get a phone call anyway.
Don't I?
474
00:21:30,463 --> 00:21:32,063
One call.
475
00:21:32,130 --> 00:21:34,065
It's all I need.
476
00:21:34,132 --> 00:21:35,900
What the fuck?
477
00:21:35,968 --> 00:21:37,835
I'm who matters here!
478
00:21:57,689 --> 00:22:00,624
Richard, we'll never make
it back to town by 5pm!
479
00:22:00,692 --> 00:22:02,092
We're going to make it.
480
00:22:02,159 --> 00:22:04,460
Hey, syphilis breath, wait for me.
481
00:22:04,527 --> 00:22:06,528
Eat the corn from my shit, old man!
482
00:22:06,597 --> 00:22:08,097
Ew!
He's your father.
483
00:22:08,164 --> 00:22:09,364
The only one you'll ever have.
484
00:22:09,432 --> 00:22:10,566
We can't leave him here.
485
00:22:10,634 --> 00:22:12,935
Fine.
Birth certificate, now!
486
00:22:13,003 --> 00:22:14,536
We had a deal!
487
00:22:14,605 --> 00:22:17,039
Birth certificate, or I
leave you with the fruit cop.
488
00:22:21,077 --> 00:22:23,645
Here.
489
00:22:23,713 --> 00:22:25,580
Take it, Larry.
490
00:22:25,648 --> 00:22:26,915
Ugh...
491
00:22:34,289 --> 00:22:36,289
Brotherfuckers!
492
00:22:37,492 --> 00:22:39,059
Chester, I know you have...
493
00:22:39,127 --> 00:22:40,427
strong feelings about Fitz,
494
00:22:40,495 --> 00:22:42,395
but this is no way to win an election.
495
00:22:42,463 --> 00:22:43,563
Why not?
496
00:22:43,632 --> 00:22:46,700
I'm being ruthless.
Cutthroat.
497
00:22:46,768 --> 00:22:48,268
I thought you were into that.
498
00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:50,537
Chester...
Chester, come back.
499
00:22:51,539 --> 00:22:53,607
Cutthroat men don't pout!
500
00:22:58,146 --> 00:23:00,980
Hello?
501
00:23:04,685 --> 00:23:08,287
Let me see if I have this
straight, Agent Nelson...
502
00:23:08,355 --> 00:23:11,157
My husband, Chester Vince,
503
00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:14,627
just broke out of an
agricultural station?
504
00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:17,329
Oh, a maximum security
agricultural station.
505
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:22,201
Was my husband wearing sunglasses
506
00:23:22,269 --> 00:23:24,802
and too much cologne?
507
00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:26,538
Really?
508
00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:29,240
And where was he headed?
509
00:23:29,308 --> 00:23:30,941
City Hall?
510
00:23:31,009 --> 00:23:32,377
Thank you.
511
00:23:34,313 --> 00:23:36,481
It can't be...
512
00:23:48,526 --> 00:23:49,959
Tell me you've got the signatures.
513
00:23:50,027 --> 00:23:51,161
Signed, sealed and delivered, man.
514
00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:52,563
No thanks to this misfiring synapse.
515
00:23:52,630 --> 00:23:54,030
Whose bright idea was it
516
00:23:54,098 --> 00:23:55,931
to put Josh in charge
of the nomination form?
517
00:23:55,999 --> 00:23:57,366
Hey!
518
00:23:57,434 --> 00:23:58,668
This is the last thing
I'll ever need from you,
519
00:23:58,735 --> 00:24:00,269
you diabetic piss stain-
520
00:24:00,337 --> 00:24:01,604
There's only nineteen names.
521
00:24:01,672 --> 00:24:02,971
What are you talking about?
522
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:04,773
Number seven is fake.
523
00:24:04,841 --> 00:24:06,008
Betty Drillzer.
524
00:24:06,076 --> 00:24:07,276
Except for your signature
525
00:24:07,344 --> 00:24:09,044
supporting my run for city council!
526
00:24:11,780 --> 00:24:13,715
Fuck you!
Never!
527
00:24:15,117 --> 00:24:17,619
Find someone else to sign it!
Where?
528
00:24:17,687 --> 00:24:19,087
I'll sign it.
529
00:24:20,690 --> 00:24:22,324
You will?
530
00:24:24,126 --> 00:24:25,893
What are you doing here?
Who cares?
531
00:24:25,961 --> 00:24:27,261
Are you kidding me?
532
00:24:27,329 --> 00:24:29,830
Richard Fitzpatrick
makes good on a promise?
533
00:24:29,897 --> 00:24:31,198
Any promise?
534
00:24:31,266 --> 00:24:34,401
I had to come and see this for myself.
535
00:24:34,469 --> 00:24:35,902
Running for office.
536
00:24:35,970 --> 00:24:37,838
That's really something.
537
00:24:37,905 --> 00:24:39,340
Something big...
538
00:24:39,407 --> 00:24:41,542
Don't ruin this by saying
something about your penis.
539
00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:42,876
Blah blah unrequited blah blah.
540
00:24:42,944 --> 00:24:44,043
Sign!
541
00:24:56,857 --> 00:24:58,591
Richard, we did it!
542
00:24:58,659 --> 00:25:00,392
And we did it by following the rules.
543
00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:03,228
Except for lying to a federal officer -
544
00:25:03,296 --> 00:25:04,229
Shut the fuck up, Larry!
545
00:25:04,297 --> 00:25:05,731
Done and done, sir!
546
00:25:20,679 --> 00:25:22,546
See ya!
See ya!
547
00:25:27,286 --> 00:25:29,353
Well, congratulations.
548
00:25:30,989 --> 00:25:32,789
No thanks to you.
549
00:25:32,856 --> 00:25:33,956
Prove it.
550
00:25:34,992 --> 00:25:36,526
Maybe later.
551
00:25:36,594 --> 00:25:38,895
Right now, I've got
an election to win.
552
00:25:38,962 --> 00:25:40,696
Know what, Fitz?
553
00:25:40,764 --> 00:25:42,064
You might have taken this round.
554
00:25:42,132 --> 00:25:44,300
But the battle's not over
until the fat lady...
555
00:25:44,401 --> 00:25:45,734
The war's not over
'til the battle's...
556
00:25:45,803 --> 00:25:47,170
Chester Vince?
WHAT?
557
00:25:47,237 --> 00:25:48,771
FBI!
558
00:25:53,833 --> 00:26:04,285
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
559
00:26:04,335 --> 00:26:08,885
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38685
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