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1
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You know sometimes a 21 minute
15 second episode of Broad City
2
00:00:03,429 --> 00:00:06,267
isn't enough of the world of
Broad City for me
3
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:07,274
No, me niether.
4
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,893
Right after this episode you
are gonna get behind the scenes
5
00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:13,549
exclusive footage of how our
show Broad City is made.
6
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,051
It is like a behind the curtain
look at Broad City.
7
00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:18,687
Very informative and you're
gonna dig it.
8
00:00:18,693 --> 00:00:21,223
Stay tuned after the episode
for a behind the scenes look
9
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,758
at the making of Broad City
10
00:00:22,764 --> 00:00:24,660
- I love a good BTS
- Me, too.
11
00:00:24,666 --> 00:00:26,668
- I love a hot BTS
- BTS to the BTS, baby!
12
00:00:35,677 --> 00:00:37,006
Oh, my God.
13
00:00:37,012 --> 00:00:39,280
Who did this?
14
00:00:40,243 --> 00:00:42,572
"We've pissed our pants so many a time,
15
00:00:42,579 --> 00:00:45,163
"but this place was first
and thus sublime.
16
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:48,434
"You'll find the next clue
where the trash is disposed,
17
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,304
the cleanest can on the block,
right next to the hose."
18
00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:55,074
"P.S. Dress cute and hot
and fresh and young."
19
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,243
Oh, my God, yes.
20
00:00:57,249 --> 00:00:58,984
Scavenger hunt!
21
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,120
Ha ha ha!
22
00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:05,257
Phone, okay.
23
00:01:09,261 --> 00:01:11,318
? Four and three and two and one one ??
24
00:01:12,704 --> 00:01:15,564
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
25
00:01:15,919 --> 00:01:17,854
The garbage can next to the hose...
26
00:01:21,339 --> 00:01:23,102
Ew...
27
00:01:23,108 --> 00:01:26,005
"The next clue is held tight
by a long-haired purveyor
28
00:01:26,011 --> 00:01:27,740
"in the place you got a hickey
29
00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:29,614
and I was a player."
30
00:01:38,523 --> 00:01:40,225
Cha-ching!
31
00:01:47,699 --> 00:01:49,495
This is the whole clue?
32
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:50,696
It's a blank piece of paper.
33
00:01:50,702 --> 00:01:54,166
Put it over the fire, you dumb whore.
34
00:01:54,172 --> 00:01:55,307
Ew!
35
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,137
"The next clue's in a place
36
00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:00,039
"we went and weeped.
37
00:02:00,045 --> 00:02:04,176
A man holds the key,
he's prolly asleep."
38
00:02:04,182 --> 00:02:08,120
You know, you're a sexy little bitch.
39
00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,216
(laughing)
40
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,229
Where does she find
these [bleep] people?
41
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,227
Thank you for the information.
42
00:02:19,531 --> 00:02:22,401
- Put it on my tab,
- You got it.
43
00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:25,431
Ha ha!
44
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,139
Got her!
45
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,470
(gasping) Oh, my God.
46
00:02:31,476 --> 00:02:32,674
Hi!
47
00:02:32,681 --> 00:02:34,361
Oh... no, please,
don't show me your dick!
48
00:02:34,368 --> 00:02:36,019
I don't wanna see another dick today.
49
00:02:36,026 --> 00:02:38,429
It's a clue.
50
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,314
Oh, my God! Yes!
51
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,582
Thank you!
52
00:02:43,588 --> 00:02:45,657
(puppies yelping)
53
00:02:55,534 --> 00:02:57,202
Hey.
54
00:02:58,336 --> 00:02:59,532
Hey!
55
00:02:59,538 --> 00:03:02,501
Oh, my God, dude.
56
00:03:02,507 --> 00:03:04,170
This is nuts.
57
00:03:04,176 --> 00:03:07,440
That scavenger hunt was insane.
58
00:03:07,446 --> 00:03:09,742
- Ha-ha!
- The Intrepid? Beautiful.
59
00:03:09,748 --> 00:03:12,285
I mean, I've never...
experienced anything like that.
60
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,547
I mean, I rode a horse.
61
00:03:14,553 --> 00:03:17,383
I have... I didn't know
that I could ride a horse.
62
00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:19,038
- I did.
- You know me better
63
00:03:19,045 --> 00:03:20,653
- than I know myself.
- Better than you know yourself.
64
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:21,687
- Oh!
- Same...
65
00:03:21,693 --> 00:03:23,522
(both) Page!
66
00:03:23,528 --> 00:03:25,257
(both laughing)
67
00:03:25,264 --> 00:03:26,792
- It's...
- It's so...
68
00:03:26,798 --> 00:03:29,528
(both) Hilarious!
69
00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:31,130
Yes.
70
00:03:31,136 --> 00:03:32,732
(both) Ahh...
71
00:03:32,738 --> 00:03:35,551
We are an incredible team,
and I love you.
72
00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:36,598
That's so sweet.
73
00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:38,497
- And look, it's our dish.
- It is our dish.
74
00:03:38,504 --> 00:03:40,005
I dream of these chicken fingers.
75
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,708
Funny thing is, we won't have
any dreams tonight because we'll be
76
00:03:42,714 --> 00:03:44,532
shitting ourselves
so crazy with diarrhea.
77
00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:46,007
- Cheers to that.
- Yeah.
78
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,448
??
79
00:03:49,454 --> 00:03:50,616
(laughing)
80
00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:51,751
Aren't these incredible?
81
00:03:51,757 --> 00:03:53,792
??
82
00:03:55,293 --> 00:03:56,589
(both slurping)
83
00:03:56,595 --> 00:03:58,758
So anyway, Happy Friendiversary.
84
00:03:58,764 --> 00:04:00,826
(glasses ding)
85
00:04:00,832 --> 00:04:03,262
Friendiversary... yeah.
86
00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:04,463
Ew.
87
00:04:04,469 --> 00:04:08,167
Dude, that... scavenger hunt
88
00:04:08,173 --> 00:04:10,770
was genius
89
00:04:10,776 --> 00:04:12,571
for the friendiversary.
90
00:04:12,577 --> 00:04:15,541
Okay, so now, gifts.
91
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,209
Ilana, um,
92
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,477
hold on a second, I need to...
93
00:04:18,483 --> 00:04:20,346
You can go first.
94
00:04:20,352 --> 00:04:22,715
No... No.
95
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,483
No, no, you go.
96
00:04:24,489 --> 00:04:26,585
Thank you, 'cause
I am so freaking excited.
97
00:04:26,591 --> 00:04:30,923
Okay, so this is a family heirloom
98
00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:34,193
from my great-grandmother,
Fanny Rose, who came here
99
00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:36,262
on a ship during
"Fiddler on a Roof" times.
100
00:04:36,268 --> 00:04:37,463
And they were experiencing
101
00:04:37,469 --> 00:04:39,865
violence and raids in their shtetl.
102
00:04:39,871 --> 00:04:41,400
Grandma Fanny Rose, being the child,
103
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,835
was the most innocent-looking,
104
00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:45,121
so she swallowed these diamonds,
105
00:04:45,128 --> 00:04:46,621
over and over again,
106
00:04:46,628 --> 00:04:48,482
pooping them out
and sifting through the poop
107
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,259
and swallowing them again
to continue the cycle
108
00:04:51,445 --> 00:04:54,081
and keep them safe
until they were in America.
109
00:04:55,816 --> 00:04:57,935
Wow... Wow, wow...
110
00:04:59,287 --> 00:05:00,615
I don't know what to say.
111
00:05:00,621 --> 00:05:02,684
No words necessary. Just put it on.
112
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:05,353
Uh, Ilana, I... I can't accept this.
113
00:05:05,359 --> 00:05:07,455
It's offensive if you don't accept it.
114
00:05:07,461 --> 00:05:09,424
Not just to me
but to Grandma Fanny Rose,
115
00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,665
may she rest in peace.
116
00:05:11,832 --> 00:05:13,728
Okay... uh...
117
00:05:13,734 --> 00:05:15,136
I'll just try it on.
118
00:05:16,537 --> 00:05:19,111
I can feel her when I hold the necklace.
119
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:21,564
And I feel like you're
bringing her back to life.
120
00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:25,326
It looks gorgeous.
121
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:26,428
Even, like, on a t-shirt,
122
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:28,426
you kinda dressed down, which I get.
123
00:05:28,432 --> 00:05:31,262
It's... it's sort of natural on you.
124
00:05:31,268 --> 00:05:33,331
Thank you.
125
00:05:33,337 --> 00:05:34,699
It's your turn.
126
00:05:34,705 --> 00:05:36,574
Yeah, my turn... okay.
127
00:05:38,109 --> 00:05:39,471
Um...
128
00:05:39,477 --> 00:05:42,741
I got you, um...
129
00:05:42,747 --> 00:05:46,044
(sighing)... I did research,
130
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:47,979
and I thought about it a lot,
131
00:05:47,985 --> 00:05:50,615
and I got a memento
132
00:05:50,621 --> 00:05:52,217
that I... I think is the best...
133
00:05:52,223 --> 00:05:56,588
- Mmm.
- ...and it is a...
134
00:05:56,594 --> 00:05:59,363
um, intensive hydrating face mask.
135
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,393
- What?
- Well, okay.
136
00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:05,741
Okay, so, it... it's a...
it's symbolizing...
137
00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:08,084
You know, it's a metaphor
for how I feel about you.
138
00:06:09,607 --> 00:06:10,668
You feel that I'm dry?
139
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:11,716
No.
140
00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:15,835
No, I feel that you are nourishing.
141
00:06:18,237 --> 00:06:22,602
And that you're extremely
rejuvenating for me.
142
00:06:22,608 --> 00:06:25,505
You regenerate me.
143
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,173
And you restore me,
144
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:30,229
my... not only myself but my skin.
145
00:06:30,236 --> 00:06:32,406
- Great, thank you so much, great.
- Yeah. Are you mad?
146
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:33,446
(sighing)
147
00:06:33,452 --> 00:06:35,424
Not mad, just informed.
148
00:06:35,431 --> 00:06:38,848
Well, Ilana, get ready...
149
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,155
because...
150
00:06:42,161 --> 00:06:44,064
I planned...
151
00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:47,577
a big night...
152
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:51,630
on the top of the Empire...
153
00:06:51,637 --> 00:06:54,434
State Building.
154
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,003
And I got the bill as well.
155
00:06:57,009 --> 00:07:00,273
No, the tradition is that we go dutch,
unless you forgot.
156
00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:01,855
No, I did not forget,
157
00:07:01,862 --> 00:07:04,377
I love that tradition
and very much remember.
158
00:07:04,384 --> 00:07:05,428
Mm-hmm.
159
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:09,549
I think it's actually
better up here in the rain.
160
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,418
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
161
00:07:11,424 --> 00:07:13,453
Glad I spent $1,200 bucks
getting these heads made.
162
00:07:13,459 --> 00:07:14,994
- What?
- Forget it.
163
00:07:17,363 --> 00:07:18,729
It is kinda romantic.
164
00:07:18,736 --> 00:07:21,428
Romantic, I was just about to say that.
We are, like, inseparable
165
00:07:21,434 --> 00:07:23,597
and, like, on the same page,
totally, completely.
166
00:07:23,603 --> 00:07:25,332
Oh, my God, Ilana,
167
00:07:25,338 --> 00:07:27,340
and I... and I planned
an activity, for us.
168
00:07:28,507 --> 00:07:30,103
Check out the city.
169
00:07:30,109 --> 00:07:33,173
Come on... here we go.
170
00:07:33,179 --> 00:07:35,275
You're up first.
171
00:07:35,281 --> 00:07:36,515
VIPs.
172
00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,383
Wow.
173
00:07:43,389 --> 00:07:45,057
The city really is so magical.
174
00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:49,289
Oh, my God, dude!
175
00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:50,436
- What?
- Hot sex!
176
00:07:50,443 --> 00:07:52,392
- Look right there.
- Let me see, let me see.
177
00:07:52,398 --> 00:07:54,133
(Ilana laughing)
178
00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:58,916
Oh, my God, Ilana,
this is [bleep] disgusting.
179
00:07:59,305 --> 00:08:01,468
You are so prude.
180
00:08:01,474 --> 00:08:02,857
It's weird.
181
00:08:02,864 --> 00:08:04,599
No, I'm not.
182
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:12,245
Two ladies? Oh, my God!
You gotta see this!
183
00:08:12,251 --> 00:08:14,026
We gotta come up here more often.
184
00:08:17,356 --> 00:08:19,419
What the [bleep], Ilana?
185
00:08:19,425 --> 00:08:20,987
Do not be a [bleep] homophobe.
186
00:08:20,993 --> 00:08:21,994
No, look!
187
00:08:25,598 --> 00:08:27,260
(Abbi) No!
188
00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:28,695
(gasping)
189
00:08:28,701 --> 00:08:30,387
(both) Holy shit!
190
00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:36,734
Okay, love bug, so you say
she fell off the fifth floor balcony?
191
00:08:36,741 --> 00:08:38,804
Yeah, it was the one
with the blue towel,
192
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,439
and she fell, like, right here.
193
00:08:40,445 --> 00:08:42,908
And then her... her body bounced.
194
00:08:42,914 --> 00:08:44,157
Right over there.
195
00:08:45,955 --> 00:08:47,213
Cool.
196
00:08:48,119 --> 00:08:50,649
I'm sorry, sweethearts,
there's no evidence here.
197
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,551
Maybe you two were bored.
198
00:08:52,557 --> 00:08:54,019
You just need a little excitement.
199
00:08:54,025 --> 00:08:56,455
You know it's a felony
to report a false crime?
200
00:08:56,461 --> 00:08:58,190
Okay, we don't need any excitement.
201
00:08:58,196 --> 00:09:00,726
We were in the middle of excitement.
202
00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,561
Okay, all right. Calm down.
203
00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:04,029
You two have a nice night, okay?
204
00:09:04,402 --> 00:09:05,870
(gasping)
205
00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:09,602
I mean, we saw that, right?
206
00:09:09,608 --> 00:09:11,009
Yeah, I mean, I think so.
207
00:09:13,578 --> 00:09:14,980
Ilana, that's the guy!
208
00:09:19,918 --> 00:09:21,213
Holy shit!
209
00:09:21,219 --> 00:09:23,582
(Abbi) Oh, my God.
210
00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:25,484
He's got a Burton bag!
211
00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:26,752
Abbi. Dude.
212
00:09:26,758 --> 00:09:28,988
No, the body's in the bag, Ilana!
213
00:09:28,994 --> 00:09:30,095
Okay, okay.
214
00:09:32,785 --> 00:09:35,286
I mean, what are we even gonna
say to him when we confront him?
215
00:09:35,293 --> 00:09:36,720
I mean, are we confronting him?
216
00:09:36,727 --> 00:09:39,433
Yeah, we're gonna be, like, we saw you
kill your girlfriend, bitch!
217
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,968
God, I mean, this is so crazy.
We are being so crazy right now.
218
00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:44,673
What if he has a gun?
219
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,494
He probably does.
Everybody has [bleep] guns.
220
00:09:46,501 --> 00:09:48,192
Oh, my God. I saw this Oprah once
221
00:09:48,199 --> 00:09:50,232
where this girl was about
to be sexually assaulted,
222
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:51,911
and then she twisted the dude's dick.
223
00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,812
I mean, that is always
in the back of my mind.
224
00:09:53,818 --> 00:09:55,918
- Yeah, 12th season, 1998.
- Amazing season.
225
00:09:55,925 --> 00:09:57,975
And then the other girl,
who also had been attacked,
226
00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:59,785
pissed on her attacker, and it worked.
Genius.
227
00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,126
(Abbi) Genius.
228
00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:08,567
- A karaoke bar?
- What?
229
00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:13,129
Do you see him?
230
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,941
Where the [bleep] did he go?
231
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:20,840
??
232
00:10:20,846 --> 00:10:24,149
?? (vocalizing)
233
00:10:31,156 --> 00:10:33,342
The suitcase, he doesn't
have the suitcase.
234
00:10:40,565 --> 00:10:42,895
What kind of sick [bleep]
comes in here and eats dessert
235
00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,897
after he throws his fianc�e
out of the building?
236
00:10:44,903 --> 00:10:48,701
Why even get engaged
if you're just gonna murder her?
237
00:10:48,707 --> 00:10:52,638
?? (indistinct singing)
238
00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:54,846
Ugh, milk? What a [bleep] baby.
239
00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:01,786
?? (vocalizing)
240
00:11:08,693 --> 00:11:09,928
Let's go.
241
00:11:24,342 --> 00:11:26,011
Let's go.
242
00:11:28,079 --> 00:11:31,999
Hi, um, excuse me, sir, do you know
the name of the movie that that man
243
00:11:32,006 --> 00:11:35,247
- just bought tickets to see?
- He bought tickets to "Daddy's Back."
244
00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:37,650
Jerking off at "Daddy's Back"
245
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,985
- after he kills his wife?
- Whoa!
246
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,654
How long is the movie?
247
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,622
An hour and 50 minutes.
248
00:11:43,628 --> 00:11:45,658
Plus 45 minutes of previews.
249
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,761
That means we have enough time
to sneak into his apartment.
250
00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:52,097
Whoa! No, bitch. You are a cuckoo bitch.
251
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:54,033
We're not breaking into his apartment.
252
00:11:54,039 --> 00:11:56,101
Okay, Ilana, you were
the one that just said
253
00:11:56,107 --> 00:11:57,603
that we're like, this productive
254
00:11:57,609 --> 00:11:59,972
and efficient team. We run this city.
255
00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:02,608
You know, the mother of his
children does deserve her justice.
256
00:12:02,614 --> 00:12:04,043
Her story must be heard.
257
00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:05,680
You're right.
258
00:12:05,687 --> 00:12:08,039
Yeah, we just need to make sure
we do this the smart way.
259
00:12:09,154 --> 00:12:11,150
(giggling)
260
00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:13,252
- Hi!
- Ladies, can I help you?
261
00:12:13,258 --> 00:12:14,987
You can indeed.
262
00:12:14,993 --> 00:12:17,156
We are here to surprise our uncle.
263
00:12:17,162 --> 00:12:18,691
(Abbi) We're his nieces.
264
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,125
He just left a little bit ago,
265
00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:21,760
and we wanted to sneak
into his apartment
266
00:12:21,766 --> 00:12:24,196
to surprise him for his birthday.
267
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,098
See, we got a cake and everything.
268
00:12:26,104 --> 00:12:27,199
Ugh, yum.
269
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,669
And we just wanted to set up
before everybody else got here.
270
00:12:30,675 --> 00:12:32,104
We know he's on the fifth floor,
271
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,106
and we know he's on a corner apartment,
272
00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:36,876
but we just forgot the exact number.
273
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:40,898
Oh, that's Mr. Hudson's apartment, 5D.
274
00:12:40,905 --> 00:12:42,881
Yeah, Uncle Hudson, we love him.
275
00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,322
Oh, sweet Uncle Hudson. Yeah.
276
00:12:47,692 --> 00:12:50,089
You two are adorable.
277
00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:51,190
You too.
278
00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:52,725
(both laughing)
279
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,987
Jesus, white girls can
get away with anything
280
00:12:54,994 --> 00:12:56,795
- if you act dumb enough.
- I know, right?
281
00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:58,764
We're lucky we look dumb.
282
00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:01,606
Healthy-looking hookers.
283
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,712
Whoa.
284
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,835
I mean, this is crazy.
285
00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:15,491
I mean, we really can do anything
if we put our minds together.
286
00:13:15,498 --> 00:13:16,617
So, we have an hour
287
00:13:16,624 --> 00:13:17,886
until he gets out of the movie.
288
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,317
What are we even looking for?
289
00:13:19,324 --> 00:13:20,986
Evidence.
290
00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:22,260
Yeah.
291
00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:27,092
This was a home.
292
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,034
That... had heart.
293
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,034
Oh, my God.
294
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,736
Holy shit!
295
00:13:37,742 --> 00:13:41,598
This is an entire accordion
folder full of takeout menus.
296
00:13:41,605 --> 00:13:43,017
You ever heard of Seamless?
297
00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:45,276
Insane, he probably doesn't
even let her on the Internet
298
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,745
'cause she'll read too much.
299
00:13:46,751 --> 00:13:48,147
This is nuts.
300
00:13:48,153 --> 00:13:50,153
Ugh, look at this.
They were a happy couple.
301
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,283
Sick.
302
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,485
And all along, his blood is just boiling
303
00:13:53,491 --> 00:13:55,254
that she's so much hotter than he is.
304
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:57,022
Cleaning supplies.
305
00:13:57,028 --> 00:13:59,725
An entire cabinet full
of cleaning supplies?
306
00:13:59,731 --> 00:14:02,394
She thinks that she's gonna
use them to clean the toilet.
307
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,964
Guess what? He's using them
to clean up her blood.
308
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,932
- Mmm.
- God.
309
00:14:06,938 --> 00:14:08,758
(keys jingling)
310
00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:12,189
- (lock rattling)
- (gasping)
311
00:14:12,195 --> 00:14:14,397
(keys jangling)
312
00:14:20,738 --> 00:14:22,000
- Oh, my God.
- Okay.
313
00:14:22,007 --> 00:14:23,242
Holy shit, holy shit...
314
00:14:26,572 --> 00:14:29,787
Oh, my God. They're definitely
married, look at all her clothes!
315
00:14:29,794 --> 00:14:31,556
I can't stand dead women's clothes!
316
00:14:31,562 --> 00:14:32,650
Jesus.
317
00:14:33,531 --> 00:14:34,733
(phone line ringing)
318
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,236
(woman) 9-1-1, what's your emergency?
319
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,263
Hey, it's Ilana.
320
00:14:37,270 --> 00:14:38,863
Um, we... we called earlier.
321
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,646
About the woman being
pushed off the balcony!
322
00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,991
And now we're being held hostage
in a man's apartment.
323
00:14:50,373 --> 00:14:52,636
Oh, my God. The cake!
324
00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:54,318
Sh... I left the cake.
325
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:57,702
Look, I'm so sorry, dude.
326
00:14:57,709 --> 00:14:59,705
I'm sorry, I think this is
the moment that we die.
327
00:14:59,719 --> 00:15:01,381
This is it, this is it.
328
00:15:01,388 --> 00:15:03,357
My mom's gonna be so pissed.
329
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,502
Ilana, can I just say something?
330
00:15:13,404 --> 00:15:15,334
You're my favorite person.
331
00:15:15,341 --> 00:15:17,237
Oh, my God, you're mine.
332
00:15:17,243 --> 00:15:19,272
You're my everything.
333
00:15:19,278 --> 00:15:21,407
And I want to tell you
something before we die.
334
00:15:21,413 --> 00:15:22,909
- Okay.
- This morning...
335
00:15:22,915 --> 00:15:24,617
I was the horse.
336
00:15:27,486 --> 00:15:28,687
What?
337
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:35,588
(floor creaking)
338
00:15:35,594 --> 00:15:37,209
We gotta hide, we gotta... Go, go, go!
339
00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:38,711
Get in the corner, get in the corner!
340
00:15:38,718 --> 00:15:39,919
(both gasping)
341
00:15:42,368 --> 00:15:44,169
(farting)
342
00:15:45,905 --> 00:15:47,300
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
343
00:15:47,306 --> 00:15:48,968
(all screaming)
344
00:15:48,974 --> 00:15:50,536
God, [bleep] no! Don't...
345
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:51,971
No, no, kill me and let her go!
346
00:15:51,977 --> 00:15:53,439
No, Abbi, no!
347
00:15:53,445 --> 00:15:55,375
Who the [bleep] are you?
348
00:15:55,381 --> 00:15:56,776
What the [bleep] is that smell?
349
00:15:56,782 --> 00:15:59,646
- Chicken fingers from...
- (both) The House of Barbecue!
350
00:15:59,652 --> 00:16:01,347
The [bleep] are you doing here?
351
00:16:01,353 --> 00:16:02,788
We saw you kill your soulmate!
352
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,720
We were on the top
of the Empire State Building!
353
00:16:04,727 --> 00:16:07,787
We saw you push her off the balcony,
you sick [bleep]!
354
00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,829
And then we found your [bleep] sex doll!
355
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,436
You [bleep] freak!
356
00:16:11,451 --> 00:16:13,197
Oh, you did, did you? Okay.
357
00:16:13,204 --> 00:16:15,155
You wanna know who's in the
closet with you, that's Fran.
358
00:16:15,162 --> 00:16:18,464
And you wanna know who fell off the
balcony? That was Fran's sister Lydia.
359
00:16:18,471 --> 00:16:20,567
Lydia's a sex doll, too.
360
00:16:20,573 --> 00:16:22,268
I didn't push her, she fell.
361
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:24,737
We were making love.
362
00:16:24,743 --> 00:16:26,973
And honestly, it's a real design flaw,
363
00:16:26,979 --> 00:16:29,030
you know, how heavy they make the head.
364
00:16:29,037 --> 00:16:31,236
'Cause sometimes, I wanna put
the girls up against something,
365
00:16:31,243 --> 00:16:32,494
you know, I wanna
stand them up straight.
366
00:16:32,501 --> 00:16:33,635
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
367
00:16:34,547 --> 00:16:36,916
Well, th... why was
the body in a suitcase, huh?
368
00:16:36,922 --> 00:16:38,589
You were following me?
369
00:16:38,596 --> 00:16:41,260
I was taking my fake wife
to get repaired,
370
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,796
because her [bleep] head
fell off when she hit the...
371
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,666
the fire escape on the way down.
372
00:16:45,673 --> 00:16:48,803
That's a black market sex doll hospital.
373
00:16:48,810 --> 00:16:50,295
Like an American Girl doll hospital.
374
00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:51,931
- Exactly.
- Okay.
375
00:16:51,937 --> 00:16:54,634
Then what were you doing
jerking off at "Daddy's Back"?
376
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,970
- Yeah!
- Wasn't jerking off.
377
00:16:56,976 --> 00:16:58,671
I sometimes go to the movie theater
378
00:16:58,677 --> 00:17:01,407
and pay 30 bucks for a ticket
because I enjoy the popcorn.
379
00:17:01,413 --> 00:17:04,255
Okay, I... I'm going to apologize,
380
00:17:04,262 --> 00:17:06,041
- 'cause I feel really...
- This is not right.
381
00:17:06,048 --> 00:17:07,847
This is really just awful, you know.
382
00:17:07,853 --> 00:17:09,412
- We thought it was a woman.
- No, no.
383
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,317
- And we were like...
- Everything's trash.
384
00:17:11,324 --> 00:17:12,966
Matters into our own hands
and save this person.
385
00:17:12,973 --> 00:17:15,615
It's really bad, we thought
it was battery against women.
386
00:17:15,622 --> 00:17:17,357
- Yeah, yeah, that's not you.
- I mean, that's not you.
387
00:17:17,363 --> 00:17:19,792
(knocking) Right after we
explained to the cops why...
388
00:17:19,798 --> 00:17:21,874
- What? Why we...
- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!
389
00:17:21,881 --> 00:17:23,363
We did not know! We did not know!
390
00:17:23,369 --> 00:17:27,026
So as you can see, this has just
been a stupid misunderstanding.
391
00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:31,198
'Cause we really legit thought
that he murdered a... a lady.
392
00:17:31,544 --> 00:17:34,541
Not that a true companion,
393
00:17:34,547 --> 00:17:36,649
- you know, wasn't injured tonight.
- No.
394
00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:39,294
(both laughing)
395
00:17:40,753 --> 00:17:41,981
- Hey.
- Okay.
396
00:17:41,987 --> 00:17:44,197
- Enough.
- (both laughing)
397
00:17:45,558 --> 00:17:47,320
Guys, shut up.
398
00:17:47,326 --> 00:17:49,923
Sorry. This guy...
399
00:17:49,929 --> 00:17:51,024
What's your name?
400
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,358
Uh, Terry.
401
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,391
Terry's just one man...
402
00:17:54,398 --> 00:17:55,994
trying to find a little bit of comfort
403
00:17:56,001 --> 00:18:00,033
in this [bleep] up, upside down world.
404
00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:03,636
And what's the difference
between Fran and your guns
405
00:18:03,642 --> 00:18:05,371
making you feel like men?
406
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:08,074
And what's the difference
between Fran and...
407
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,476
this guy?
408
00:18:10,482 --> 00:18:11,711
If I rubbed him on my clit,
409
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:13,746
does that make me a [bleep] freak?
410
00:18:13,752 --> 00:18:16,549
You know, he's soft and...
and firm at the same time,
411
00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:20,420
it's an interesting feeling that
I wouldn't mind experiencing.
412
00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:23,656
Ew, Ilana. That was you?
413
00:18:23,662 --> 00:18:26,492
You said disgusting things to me.
414
00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:27,900
Happy Friendiversary.
415
00:18:29,868 --> 00:18:30,935
So sweet.
416
00:18:32,315 --> 00:18:33,811
So what are we doing?
417
00:18:33,825 --> 00:18:36,001
Okay, so you don't want
to press charges?
418
00:18:36,008 --> 00:18:38,043
No, we... we... we would never.
419
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,872
That's not right. It was
a misunderstanding.
420
00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,877
Not you two... you gals
committed a felony.
421
00:18:42,514 --> 00:18:43,943
You, sir, do you wanna...
422
00:18:43,949 --> 00:18:46,194
No, I just want this over.
423
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:48,514
That's really nice.
424
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,716
- Thank you.
- Okay.
425
00:18:49,722 --> 00:18:51,150
- Mmm.
- Let's go.
426
00:18:51,156 --> 00:18:52,685
- So sorry.
- So sorry about that.
427
00:18:52,691 --> 00:18:54,426
Okay.
428
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,898
Bye, Fran.
429
00:19:06,972 --> 00:19:10,943
Well, Fran. It really is my birthday.
430
00:19:19,985 --> 00:19:21,147
Want some?
431
00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:25,891
Okay, Alec Baldwin.
432
00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:27,777
- Oof. No shoes.
- Yeah.
433
00:19:27,784 --> 00:19:30,062
I feel like he gets pedicures
and keeps them nice, right?
434
00:19:30,076 --> 00:19:31,465
Totally.
435
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:33,431
Okay, Kim Kardash.
436
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,200
Okay, so I'm sure her feet are, like,
437
00:19:35,206 --> 00:19:39,938
sexy or whatever,
but I say keep the shoes on.
438
00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:42,007
I'd... I'd want to see
the original feet, sure.
439
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:44,376
Wait, hold on, you think
she got her feet done?
440
00:19:44,382 --> 00:19:47,045
Oh, no doubt.
441
00:19:47,051 --> 00:19:49,915
People get fat injected
to the balls of their feet
442
00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:51,383
to make high heels easier to wear.
443
00:19:51,389 --> 00:19:53,552
Ugh, gross.
444
00:19:53,558 --> 00:19:55,887
I know, um...
445
00:19:55,893 --> 00:19:57,856
Ugh, dude. Michael Jordan.
446
00:19:57,862 --> 00:19:59,047
- Hmm, okay.
- Yikes.
447
00:19:59,054 --> 00:20:01,226
Well, I feel like his feet
would be, like, super scary.
448
00:20:01,232 --> 00:20:03,328
Horrifying.
But so scary that I'd want to see them,
449
00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:04,869
so no shoes, definitely.
450
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,036
Tonight was insane.
451
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,238
- Nuts.
- That was crazy.
452
00:20:13,244 --> 00:20:14,306
Yeah, like...
453
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:16,875
That was [bleep]...
454
00:20:16,881 --> 00:20:18,076
That was nuts.
455
00:20:18,082 --> 00:20:20,279
I mean, you jumped in front of me.
456
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:23,348
You were gonna risk your life for me.
457
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,991
Well, I mean, your scavenger
hunt was [bleep] amazing.
458
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,255
Okay, Ilana, I gotta fess up.
459
00:20:30,261 --> 00:20:31,924
I forgot about our friendiversary.
460
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,898
I'm sorry, I... I'm really sorry.
461
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:36,028
Yeah, I know.
462
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,030
But that doesn't mean you should die.
463
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:39,565
No, no, I know,
464
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,200
but you did the whole scavenger hunt,
465
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,468
and then you also gave me
466
00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:44,337
your great-grandmother's
necklace that she kept
467
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,405
up her butt or whatever.
468
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,756
I... I should... I should
probably take that back.
469
00:20:48,763 --> 00:20:50,220
Yeah, I would love to give it back.
470
00:20:50,234 --> 00:20:51,537
That was a really intense story,
471
00:20:51,544 --> 00:20:53,249
and I just feel weird
having it on my neck.
472
00:20:53,256 --> 00:20:55,214
It was inappropriate,
but my love for you is
473
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:56,963
sometimes inappropriate,
and you know what?
474
00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:59,385
It looked beautiful on you
tonight, so [bleep] me.
475
00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:01,821
But Ilana, I just...
I will say that I do
476
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:04,157
really stand by those sheet masks,
477
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:05,858
like, I know it's a small thing,
478
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:08,094
but those are very hydrating.
479
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,962
It's just a great product
overall, I think,
480
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,837
in my opinion Sure.
481
00:21:14,117 --> 00:21:15,567
Isn't it nuts when you think about
482
00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:19,438
how much shit we have done
together since we met?
483
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:21,974
How powerful we've become?
484
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,609
All the witch energy
485
00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:26,913
we have soaked up from this city.
486
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,948
Also, okay, let's just say
487
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,873
that that dude had
murdered his wife tonight.
488
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:31,888
Right.
489
00:21:31,895 --> 00:21:34,119
And let's just say that she was a human.
490
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,855
- Yes.
- I mean, we would have solved
491
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:38,224
a [bleep] murder mystery tonight.
492
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,625
I know, we were literally, like...
493
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,227
- urgh!
- (lightning crashes)
494
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,268
Oh, my God!
495
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:47,600
- Holy shit, what the...
- This is insane.
496
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,435
How are... How are we not magic?
497
00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:51,204
You tell me, 'cause I don't know.
498
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,105
You can't tell me. You don't know!
499
00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:54,531
??
500
00:21:58,481 --> 00:22:00,451
- I have to tell you something.
- Okay.
501
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:02,091
- This morning.
- Yeah?
502
00:22:02,098 --> 00:22:03,695
I was the horse.
503
00:22:03,701 --> 00:22:05,197
(both laughing)
504
00:22:05,203 --> 00:22:07,305
Forget it! Forget it!
505
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:10,457
Forget it. Forget it.
506
00:22:10,464 --> 00:22:13,914
But can we do one more
other one? One more.
507
00:22:13,921 --> 00:22:17,152
(upbeat hip-hop music)
508
00:22:17,752 --> 00:22:19,748
Put it on my tab, Barney.
509
00:22:19,769 --> 00:22:21,631
You got it.
510
00:22:21,637 --> 00:22:24,601
(laughing) Got her.
511
00:22:24,607 --> 00:22:27,337
410, we were gonna
do as the first episode,
512
00:22:27,343 --> 00:22:30,373
when it was like maybe three
or four rewrites to figure out,
513
00:22:30,379 --> 00:22:32,876
and then once we figured
out that sort of noir tone,
514
00:22:32,882 --> 00:22:35,579
then it like kind of
started coming together.
515
00:22:35,585 --> 00:22:37,062
No!
516
00:22:37,787 --> 00:22:39,216
(gasp)
517
00:22:39,222 --> 00:22:41,157
[Together] Holy shit!
518
00:22:42,391 --> 00:22:44,321
You know, like it's
almost the first time
519
00:22:44,327 --> 00:22:46,890
that we see Abbi and Ilana
have any real tension,
520
00:22:46,896 --> 00:22:49,626
because we love just having
two characters that are
521
00:22:49,632 --> 00:22:51,361
unconditional friends that are women,
522
00:22:51,367 --> 00:22:53,633
but this was the first time that we
523
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,008
allowed them to have that tension.
524
00:22:55,015 --> 00:22:57,601
Well it was the forgetting,
something really important
525
00:22:57,607 --> 00:22:59,603
- about the relationship.
- Great! Thank you.
526
00:22:59,609 --> 00:23:01,705
- Thank you so much.
- Are you mad?
527
00:23:01,711 --> 00:23:03,540
Not mad, just informed.
528
00:23:03,546 --> 00:23:05,842
Like for Ilana, in the
episode, it's hard for her
529
00:23:05,848 --> 00:23:08,478
not to take it personal, but
it's like, it's all there.
530
00:23:08,484 --> 00:23:11,715
Like, you didn't really
need this anniversary to say
531
00:23:11,721 --> 00:23:12,883
what good friends we are.
532
00:23:12,889 --> 00:23:15,952
You're my everything and
I want to tell you something
533
00:23:15,958 --> 00:23:18,088
- before we die.
- Okay.
534
00:23:18,094 --> 00:23:20,796
This morning, I was the horse.
535
00:23:23,786 --> 00:23:24,865
What?
536
00:23:25,179 --> 00:23:26,780
We gonna talk about "Leanne"?
537
00:23:26,802 --> 00:23:28,598
(both laugh)
538
00:23:28,604 --> 00:23:32,669
Okay, there is this Easter
egg of a joke that is like,
539
00:23:32,675 --> 00:23:33,837
one of my favorite jokes.
540
00:23:33,843 --> 00:23:37,574
In 10, when we walk in, this
is like the dumbest thing,
541
00:23:37,580 --> 00:23:41,778
in 10 when we walk into this
karaoke bar to follow this guy,
542
00:23:41,784 --> 00:23:45,482
there's a man singing a
song that's called "Leanne."
543
00:23:45,488 --> 00:23:49,986
(singing) "We are
Leanne, we are Leanne."
544
00:23:49,992 --> 00:23:52,789
It is a song that we made up,
545
00:23:52,795 --> 00:23:56,463
and our music supervisor Matt FX
produced.
546
00:23:56,470 --> 00:23:57,494
One more time.
547
00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:01,251
(singing) Leanne.
548
00:24:01,258 --> 00:24:02,392
I am Leanne.
549
00:24:04,307 --> 00:24:05,641
We're all Leanne.
550
00:24:07,310 --> 00:24:08,538
Somethin' like that.
551
00:24:08,544 --> 00:24:10,540
(both laughing)
552
00:24:10,546 --> 00:24:13,944
And it plays throughout
the entire season.
553
00:24:13,950 --> 00:24:16,845
On the radio, in cabs,
554
00:24:16,852 --> 00:24:18,420
it plays throughout the entire season.
555
00:24:18,427 --> 00:24:21,249
In mushrooms, when Abbi's like
changing the music and is like nervous,
556
00:24:21,256 --> 00:24:24,621
("Leanne" playing on radio)
557
00:24:24,627 --> 00:24:28,564
It goes, (singing) "Leanne,"
558
00:24:29,665 --> 00:24:30,869
"Leanne."
559
00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:33,496
(singing)
560
00:24:33,502 --> 00:24:36,733
Well it's just like,
what's the pop song?
561
00:24:36,739 --> 00:24:38,568
And it's playing everywhere.
562
00:24:38,574 --> 00:24:39,775
I am Leanne.
563
00:24:41,010 --> 00:24:43,707
(together) We are Leanne.
564
00:24:43,713 --> 00:24:46,649
("Leanne" playing)
565
00:24:50,558 --> 00:24:54,659
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
566
00:24:54,709 --> 00:24:59,259
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39883
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