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1
00:00:00,091 --> 00:00:03,394
Last week, I got so, like
stuck in that dude's clavicle.
2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,995
You know, like, detail wise.
3
00:00:05,063 --> 00:00:06,831
Just really wanna get it right.
4
00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:10,267
Greetings, this week we
will be focusing on movement.
5
00:00:10,335 --> 00:00:13,437
The model will be changing
positions every minute.
6
00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:14,973
(tinkling)
7
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,943
May your pencil soften her crudeness.
8
00:00:25,450 --> 00:00:26,818
Hey, Ab.
9
00:00:26,886 --> 00:00:28,787
(gasping)
10
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:31,756
Uh, models have to be silent.
11
00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:33,324
Oh, my God, I'm a model?
12
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,796
Dude, thank you so much for
telling me how much nude models
13
00:00:38,863 --> 00:00:40,665
can make in a class like this?
14
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,033
I need the money.
15
00:00:43,101 --> 00:00:45,903
Yeah, totally, I just...
I didn't mean my class.
16
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:46,970
Oh, my God, are you mad at me?
17
00:00:47,038 --> 00:00:48,805
Ali, is there a problem?
18
00:00:48,873 --> 00:00:50,774
It's Abbi, remember, we talked about that.
19
00:00:50,841 --> 00:00:53,377
But, no, we're just strategizing...
20
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:57,847
like the shading... of the boobs.
21
00:00:57,915 --> 00:01:00,483
'Cause I'm, you know,
I'm not there yet, so...
22
00:01:00,551 --> 00:01:02,351
(tinkling)
23
00:01:06,857 --> 00:01:07,924
Stop it.
24
00:01:07,991 --> 00:01:09,325
(whispering) Oh, sorry.
25
00:01:09,393 --> 00:01:12,128
Guys, hey, sorry, I'm gonna
change positions before
26
00:01:12,195 --> 00:01:13,362
the bell rings.
27
00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:14,730
I'm weirding Abbi out, it's my b.
28
00:01:23,307 --> 00:01:25,341
It's honestly worth it if we get it.
29
00:01:25,409 --> 00:01:27,810
Your students will learn so much.
30
00:01:27,877 --> 00:01:28,911
(laughing)
31
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,448
Four and three and two and one one
32
00:01:32,515 --> 00:01:36,351
33
00:01:36,352 --> 00:01:37,552
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34
00:01:40,356 --> 00:01:41,623
Hey, Ab, where you heading?
35
00:01:41,691 --> 00:01:44,626
Hey, not much... I mean, nowhere.
36
00:01:44,694 --> 00:01:46,894
I'm actually getting my
wisdom teeth taken out today,
37
00:01:46,963 --> 00:01:48,163
- so I'm having surgery.
- Oh, man,
38
00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:50,031
I had mine taken out the week of my prom.
39
00:01:50,099 --> 00:01:52,567
In all the pictures, I had
these huge chipmunk cheeks.
40
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:55,036
- I was like...
- That's so cute.
41
00:01:55,104 --> 00:01:56,671
Yeah, it's good, though, 'cause, um,
42
00:01:56,738 --> 00:01:58,706
it'll make more room in my mouth, right?
43
00:02:00,776 --> 00:02:03,578
(stammering)
44
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:07,247
No, I, I didn't... I
didn't mean, um, blow jobs.
45
00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:09,181
Although, that is true,
46
00:02:09,249 --> 00:02:11,584
that it would make more room in my mouth.
47
00:02:11,652 --> 00:02:13,819
I did do them.
48
00:02:13,887 --> 00:02:15,220
I enjoy it both ways.
49
00:02:15,288 --> 00:02:17,857
You know, I think it's a two-way street.
50
00:02:17,925 --> 00:02:20,825
In fact, I'm getting a call, this is ringing.
51
00:02:20,893 --> 00:02:22,027
Busy day.
52
00:02:22,095 --> 00:02:23,495
Hello?
53
00:02:23,563 --> 00:02:24,696
One sec, Jeremy... just give me one...
54
00:02:24,764 --> 00:02:27,832
Yup? Well, my laundry is in the bag!
55
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:29,000
(scoffing)
56
00:02:29,069 --> 00:02:31,236
What do you mean, "Stains are on it?"
57
00:02:31,304 --> 00:02:33,338
Well, what do you mean
they're on my underwear?
58
00:02:33,406 --> 00:02:34,540
Why would someone say that?
59
00:02:34,607 --> 00:02:36,140
Why would they say...
60
00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:38,777
It's my laundry man and then he's upset.
61
00:02:38,844 --> 00:02:39,811
I'll let you take it.
62
00:02:39,879 --> 00:02:42,313
Yeah, why... don't you talk back to me!
63
00:02:42,381 --> 00:02:46,417
I will come down there and
I will get you right away!
64
00:02:46,485 --> 00:02:48,620
So you better lawyer
up, 'cause I'm gonna...
65
00:02:48,688 --> 00:02:50,589
... kill myself right now.
66
00:02:50,656 --> 00:02:53,824
67
00:02:56,361 --> 00:02:57,661
(Ilana) Okay, Ab.
68
00:02:57,729 --> 00:02:59,263
You are doing an awesome job already.
69
00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:00,798
You just keep clutching Bingo Bronson
70
00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:02,566
that Mommy Lani got you...
71
00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:04,201
Me, I'm Mommy Lani.
72
00:03:04,269 --> 00:03:05,703
And that's it, whole
thing's gonna be painless.
73
00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:08,338
You're not even go know it,
you're gonna be out, out, out.
74
00:03:08,406 --> 00:03:09,572
You just chill.
75
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,174
So riddle me this, Doc.
76
00:03:11,242 --> 00:03:14,444
Mayonnaise clinic claims that
facial paralysis can be a thing?
77
00:03:14,512 --> 00:03:16,146
- What?
- Care to comment?
78
00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:18,882
- Release my head, woman.
- Sorry.
79
00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:21,118
I got this, Abbi's gonna be fine.
80
00:03:21,185 --> 00:03:22,852
Look at this black-blue hands.
81
00:03:22,921 --> 00:03:24,388
If I mess up this white girl's teeth,
82
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:27,757
the black dentistry
game is over... forever.
83
00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:30,359
I'm gonna get these teeth.
84
00:03:30,428 --> 00:03:32,529
- For my people.
- Wow.
85
00:03:32,596 --> 00:03:33,630
I don't do anything for my people.
86
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:36,900
Count backwards.
87
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,002
(muffled) Five, four
88
00:03:40,070 --> 00:03:41,938
two and one.
89
00:03:42,005 --> 00:03:44,773
Bye, Abbi, I'll see you when you wake up.
90
00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:46,708
And if you don't wake
up, I'll still see you...
91
00:03:46,776 --> 00:03:48,811
("slow motion" audio)...
'cause I'm gonna kill myself
92
00:03:48,878 --> 00:03:52,848
and meet you in heaven or whatever.
93
00:03:52,916 --> 00:03:54,317
Calm d... you need to calm down.
94
00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:55,851
I am Abbi's keeper today.
95
00:03:55,919 --> 00:03:57,786
I am her mother, sister, father, brother.
96
00:03:57,854 --> 00:04:00,656
Relax, I get it, okay.
97
00:04:00,723 --> 00:04:02,825
I know what you need, a little story.
98
00:04:02,892 --> 00:04:05,727
There once was a woman
named Felicity Porter.
99
00:04:05,795 --> 00:04:09,064
And she went to the University of New York.
100
00:04:09,131 --> 00:04:11,166
She was supposed to go to Stanford.
101
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:12,768
(voice echoing) That's where
her parents wanted her to go.
102
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,503
But then, Ben wrote in
her high school yearbook...
103
00:04:15,571 --> 00:04:19,307
(chatter and music playing)
104
00:04:23,946 --> 00:04:26,014
So you're telling me that
out of the whole series,
105
00:04:26,082 --> 00:04:29,484
there's one black person, and
she's the one who's killed off.
106
00:04:29,551 --> 00:04:32,920
Yeah, but you're... you're
kind of missing the point Ilana.
107
00:04:32,988 --> 00:04:36,323
I don't think these drugs
are working, you guys.
108
00:04:36,391 --> 00:04:38,593
When are my teeth gonna get...
109
00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:41,762
(to tune of "Physical")
Surgical, surgical
110
00:04:41,830 --> 00:04:42,997
(chuckling)
111
00:04:43,064 --> 00:04:44,465
Ab, it's already over.
112
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:47,667
It was a huge success, but I
had to remove all of your teeth.
113
00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:50,637
But don't worry, there's a
huge internet community of dudes
114
00:04:50,705 --> 00:04:53,640
that like women that are super gum-heavy.
115
00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:54,908
It's a huge fetish.
116
00:04:54,976 --> 00:04:56,877
Lincoln, you took out all of her teeth?
117
00:04:56,944 --> 00:05:01,015
No, you were here the entire
time, you saw... everything.
118
00:05:01,082 --> 00:05:02,082
That's true.
119
00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:05,886
I am just "gwad my wittle baby's awive."
120
00:05:05,953 --> 00:05:07,521
- Don't touch her mouth!
- Ow!
121
00:05:07,588 --> 00:05:09,389
- Don't touch her... What... why would you...
- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
122
00:05:09,456 --> 00:05:10,725
- She just had surgery.
- I'm sorry, that was so bad.
123
00:05:10,733 --> 00:05:11,965
My mouth is like...
124
00:05:12,728 --> 00:05:14,529
Here's a prescription for Vicodin.
125
00:05:14,597 --> 00:05:17,332
Give her two every four hours.
126
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:18,500
Make sure... can you handle that?
127
00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:19,934
It's a very strict schedule.
128
00:05:20,002 --> 00:05:22,136
I don't know, I guess I can handle it.
129
00:05:22,203 --> 00:05:24,038
You know, Western medicine does stick
130
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:25,372
to a pretty strict schedule.
131
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,907
The sooner you... you take more pills
132
00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:29,176
the sooner you buy more pills, right?
133
00:05:29,244 --> 00:05:32,079
Chomp, chomp, chomp,
swallow, swallow, swallow.
134
00:05:32,147 --> 00:05:34,615
(bleep) government-regulated, Doctor Drew
135
00:05:34,683 --> 00:05:35,915
all-you-can-eat buffet!
136
00:05:41,189 --> 00:05:42,922
Uh, but, really, I can handle it.
137
00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:46,826
(metal clanging)
138
00:05:46,894 --> 00:05:48,495
Ab!
139
00:05:48,563 --> 00:05:50,564
(laughing) Oh, no. Abbi.
140
00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:55,168
I'm just gonna get weed
from one of my weed dudes.
141
00:05:55,235 --> 00:05:59,039
It will literally take
two seconds for real.
142
00:05:59,106 --> 00:06:00,874
And then we're gonna get you home, girl.
143
00:06:00,941 --> 00:06:03,609
Uh, do you wanna hear my
Drew Barrymore impression?
144
00:06:03,678 --> 00:06:05,545
Yes, queen please, Drew Barrymore.
145
00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:08,881
- I love Jimmy Fallon.
- (laughing)
146
00:06:08,948 --> 00:06:12,285
Um, I have my own makeup line.
147
00:06:12,352 --> 00:06:14,620
Oh, my God, am I being so mean?
148
00:06:14,688 --> 00:06:17,190
I love her, you know she's my favorite.
149
00:06:17,257 --> 00:06:19,425
No, dude, it's not mean at all.
150
00:06:19,493 --> 00:06:21,561
And the gauze in your
mouth adds authenticity.
151
00:06:21,628 --> 00:06:23,429
My production company, (laughing)
152
00:06:23,497 --> 00:06:25,497
- Flower Films...
- I love Flower Films.
153
00:06:25,565 --> 00:06:31,203
... was founded in 1999 with
the popular film, "Whip It."
154
00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:34,807
- That is what she sounds like.
- Oh, my God, I'm terrible.
155
00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:36,274
No, you're so good.
156
00:06:36,342 --> 00:06:38,376
It was 1995 (bleep)!
157
00:06:38,444 --> 00:06:40,445
No, keep going, it's good,
she would love this impression.
158
00:06:40,513 --> 00:06:41,779
(bicycle bell ringing)
159
00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:46,518
My grandfather was the legendary
film actor, John Barrymore.
160
00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:47,752
- That's what she says.
- (Phone alert playing)
161
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:50,455
(gasping) Oh, my God, Jeremy.
162
00:06:50,523 --> 00:06:53,091
What does thumbs up, question mark mean?
163
00:06:53,158 --> 00:06:55,059
Thanks, skids, love you, B.
164
00:06:55,127 --> 00:06:57,762
Jeremy's totally thinking about me.
165
00:06:57,830 --> 00:06:59,163
Yeah, dude, I think he thinks about you.
166
00:06:59,231 --> 00:07:00,564
I think he (bleep) likes you.
167
00:07:00,632 --> 00:07:03,034
He jerks off to you all the
time, I sense those things.
168
00:07:03,102 --> 00:07:05,469
I know sexual tension when I feel it...
169
00:07:05,537 --> 00:07:07,805
Yeah, you do.
170
00:07:07,873 --> 00:07:09,306
Oh, my God...
171
00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:10,908
Will you leave me alone?
172
00:07:10,976 --> 00:07:12,476
We have to change your gauze out.
173
00:07:12,544 --> 00:07:13,677
Oh.
174
00:07:13,746 --> 00:07:15,011
I wanna go to Florida.
175
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:20,120
(Jaim?) Okay, Jaim?.
176
00:07:20,188 --> 00:07:22,989
Okay, everything is now
the childproof, we got this.
177
00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:27,127
Abbi is weak right now,
like a baby, like an infant.
178
00:07:27,195 --> 00:07:29,062
And I need to take care of her.
179
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:32,031
And I need you to take care of me.
180
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,934
Baby, I will like anticipate
your every single need.
181
00:07:35,002 --> 00:07:38,270
- Okay, first order of business is government medicine.
- Hmm.
182
00:07:38,338 --> 00:07:42,208
Abbi needs to take two
Vicodin every four hours.
183
00:07:42,275 --> 00:07:44,711
Ah, good. (Mumbling)
184
00:07:44,778 --> 00:07:47,113
What, now?
185
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,781
Okay, Abbi, this little airplane
186
00:07:48,849 --> 00:07:50,816
is going to come into the hangar.
187
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:53,285
Yes... okay, now close the hangar.
188
00:07:53,353 --> 00:07:54,487
Oh, you're so swollen, baby.
189
00:07:54,554 --> 00:07:56,155
Okay.
190
00:07:56,223 --> 00:07:57,889
Okay. Peas, frozen peas.
191
00:07:57,957 --> 00:07:59,492
(Ilana mumbling to herself)
192
00:07:59,559 --> 00:08:03,195
Here we go, here we go, here we go now.
193
00:08:03,263 --> 00:08:06,732
Wow, it's been four hours already?
194
00:08:06,799 --> 00:08:09,701
Oh, my God, you are so out of it.
195
00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:11,402
I am really glad I'm here.
196
00:08:11,770 --> 00:08:12,604
(Jaim?) Okay.
197
00:08:12,672 --> 00:08:16,207
Okay, this is for the
swelling of your face.
198
00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:17,709
Just rest on it.
199
00:08:17,777 --> 00:08:19,778
Okay, Jaim?, now, we have to
do the two most important things
200
00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:20,946
a dental surgery victim needs.
201
00:08:21,014 --> 00:08:22,280
What is it?
202
00:08:22,348 --> 00:08:24,182
- Give her Froyo and braid her hair.
- Of course.
203
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:27,018
Okay, I need you to go 42 Squirts,
204
00:08:27,085 --> 00:08:28,253
and get me a real Abbi flavor.
205
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,287
(sighing)
206
00:08:29,355 --> 00:08:30,288
You'll know when you see it.
207
00:08:30,356 --> 00:08:32,790
Ooh-whee, okay, well, okay.
208
00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:34,492
The flavor of Abbi.
209
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,027
Can Jaim? capture the complexity
210
00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:38,095
of this beautiful human
being in one single flavor?
211
00:08:38,164 --> 00:08:39,329
Jaim?, I don't really have time for this.
212
00:08:39,397 --> 00:08:41,098
Abbi's blood mother is in Turks and Caicos,
213
00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:42,599
and I am her mother now.
214
00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:45,636
She needs me, she needs,
you know, us, but...
215
00:08:45,704 --> 00:08:47,204
I will not disappoint you.
216
00:08:47,272 --> 00:08:48,572
Okay, baby.
217
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,941
And, hey, Jaim?s.
218
00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:52,276
Have fun with it.
219
00:08:55,246 --> 00:08:58,549
Are you ready to get on the party train.
220
00:08:58,616 --> 00:08:59,849
First stop!
221
00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:03,554
Braid the (bleep) out of
them silky-ass doll locks.
222
00:09:03,621 --> 00:09:05,289
Ow. I'm gonna get some scrunchies.
223
00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:09,159
(Jaim?) Okay, Jaim?, the flavor of Abbi.
224
00:09:09,227 --> 00:09:10,727
(slurping)
225
00:09:10,795 --> 00:09:14,898
226
00:09:27,244 --> 00:09:28,977
Oh, (bleep) me.
227
00:09:29,045 --> 00:09:30,446
I guess I'll start from the top.
228
00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:35,551
Would you rather lick a dead man's penis,
229
00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:37,553
or have sex with the same
person for the rest of your life?
230
00:09:37,621 --> 00:09:38,987
Penis.
231
00:09:39,055 --> 00:09:40,889
Would you rather eat ice
cream for five hours straight,
232
00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:42,558
or shoot somebody in the knee?
233
00:09:42,626 --> 00:09:43,559
Knee.
234
00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:44,893
Yup.
235
00:09:44,961 --> 00:09:47,362
Ilana, I don't feel
good, I feel really weird.
236
00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:48,396
I knew it.
237
00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:51,200
Western medicine fails us again.
238
00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:53,335
Thanks a lot, Doctor Oz.
239
00:09:53,402 --> 00:09:54,536
You know what?
240
00:09:54,604 --> 00:09:56,438
I'm gonna give you a
little bit of my homemade
241
00:09:56,505 --> 00:09:58,673
"Strega Nona" recipe.
242
00:09:58,742 --> 00:09:59,942
Strega Nona...
243
00:10:00,009 --> 00:10:01,710
(laughing)
244
00:10:01,777 --> 00:10:03,077
Firecrackers, baby.
245
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,178
What's a firecracker?
246
00:10:04,247 --> 00:10:05,413
It was what we were on that time that
247
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:08,550
that dude jerked off on your
pocketbook in Bryant Park.
248
00:10:08,618 --> 00:10:09,851
He was cool.
249
00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:12,120
But not as cool as Jeremy, right?
250
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:19,526
251
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:35,743
(microwave beeps)
252
00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:41,081
(bell rings)
253
00:10:50,224 --> 00:10:51,524
You know what, Jeremy?
254
00:10:51,592 --> 00:10:55,628
I will say it again.
255
00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,831
I like you.
256
00:10:57,899 --> 00:10:59,599
I want us to go out and...
257
00:10:59,667 --> 00:11:00,867
- What are you doing?
- Just be open with it.
258
00:11:00,935 --> 00:11:02,068
What are you doing?
259
00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:03,904
- I'm telling Jeremy I like him.
- (Gasping)
260
00:11:03,971 --> 00:11:05,105
- You told me to.
- What?
261
00:11:05,173 --> 00:11:08,741
- 23 minutes, (bleep) me.
- You told me to.
262
00:11:08,809 --> 00:11:11,744
Yeah, but not while you're
jacked-up on Uncle Sam pills.
263
00:11:11,812 --> 00:11:13,646
Jesus, come on.
264
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:16,316
Take this firecracker smoothie.
265
00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:17,450
All right.
266
00:11:18,485 --> 00:11:20,353
Ow.
267
00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:21,754
Ow.
268
00:11:21,822 --> 00:11:24,623
You know, I wish I could have
one, but I gotta be responsible.
269
00:11:24,691 --> 00:11:26,758
And don't you worry about
leaving that message for Jeremy.
270
00:11:26,827 --> 00:11:28,894
You are gonna forget that in seven minutes.
271
00:11:31,264 --> 00:11:32,364
Jaim??
272
00:11:32,432 --> 00:11:33,966
Okay.
273
00:11:34,034 --> 00:11:36,268
No, please, can you go in front of me?
274
00:11:36,336 --> 00:11:38,170
Please, thank you.
275
00:11:38,238 --> 00:11:40,306
Eh, toppings, toppings, toppings, toppings,
276
00:11:40,373 --> 00:11:41,906
toppings, toppings, toppings...
277
00:11:43,609 --> 00:11:45,076
Let's see, Cap'n Crunch?
278
00:11:45,144 --> 00:11:47,579
No, it's too chemically and that's no good.
279
00:11:47,647 --> 00:11:49,080
Dark chocolate chip?
280
00:11:49,148 --> 00:11:51,049
No, it's too crunchy for Abbi right now.
281
00:11:51,116 --> 00:11:52,317
Ew, gummy candies?
282
00:11:52,385 --> 00:11:54,453
Excuse me, these do not go with the Froyo.
283
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,955
In case you were wondering.
284
00:11:57,022 --> 00:11:59,457
Gorp... what is Gorp?
285
00:11:59,524 --> 00:12:01,125
"Good ol' raisins and peanuts ."
286
00:12:01,193 --> 00:12:04,662
Why would we want all raisins and peanuts?
287
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:07,765
(sobbing) Aye, aye.
288
00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:11,135
Abbi dabbi dab my
289
00:12:11,203 --> 00:12:13,904
Beautiful queen she's my
290
00:12:13,972 --> 00:12:16,907
My beautiful queen she's...
291
00:12:16,975 --> 00:12:18,942
(Abbi sighing)
292
00:12:19,010 --> 00:12:19,877
(laughing)
293
00:12:23,314 --> 00:12:25,349
Namaste, children of light.
294
00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:28,519
Welcome to another installment
of "How To With Dr. Whiz."
295
00:12:28,587 --> 00:12:31,321
Today, I'm gonna show you
how to meditate proper...
296
00:12:31,389 --> 00:12:33,757
Ilana, what the (bleep) that!
297
00:12:33,824 --> 00:12:34,958
It's Abbi.
298
00:12:35,026 --> 00:12:37,027
I am killing this mom-slash-nurse thing.
299
00:12:37,095 --> 00:12:38,595
Doesn't she look gorgeous?
300
00:12:38,662 --> 00:12:39,763
I would think that you could surmise
301
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:42,599
from my initial reaction that she doesn't.
302
00:12:42,666 --> 00:12:43,934
She needs rest, Ilana.
303
00:12:44,002 --> 00:12:46,403
Okay, Jeez, you're the
one who's being loud.
304
00:12:49,707 --> 00:12:50,807
You know what?
305
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,609
I deserve a break.
306
00:12:52,676 --> 00:12:57,547
You wanna show me your old
LL Cool J, your Lincoln Log?
307
00:12:57,615 --> 00:12:58,748
No!
308
00:12:58,816 --> 00:13:00,316
I'll show you my tah-tahs.
309
00:13:00,384 --> 00:13:01,918
Yes.
310
00:13:01,985 --> 00:13:03,452
(echoing) Yes!
311
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,255
(Ilana's voice echoing) Show me your penis.
312
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:13,462
Oh, goodie, you're awake!
313
00:13:13,530 --> 00:13:16,632
We're gonna have so much fun!
314
00:13:16,699 --> 00:13:20,068
Let's go play outside.
315
00:13:20,136 --> 00:13:22,037
Come on, Abbi!
316
00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:26,842
Man, I hate to see it, but
you got boyfriend penis, bro.
317
00:13:26,910 --> 00:13:28,043
(chuckling)
318
00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:30,412
Dude, check this out.
319
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,815
I made my torso a face.
320
00:13:32,882 --> 00:13:34,149
Do you know who it is?
321
00:13:34,216 --> 00:13:36,651
I'm guessing an old person
'cause the eyes are low
322
00:13:36,718 --> 00:13:39,487
and swinging and drooping,
323
00:13:39,555 --> 00:13:41,389
but in a way that makes me hard.
324
00:13:41,457 --> 00:13:45,726
I never thought that a old
people face would make me hard.
325
00:13:45,794 --> 00:13:46,828
That's nice to know.
326
00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:47,929
You are gonna be an old dude
327
00:13:47,997 --> 00:13:50,966
with so many boners in a non-creepy way.
328
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,033
That's hot.
329
00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:53,000
(laughing)
330
00:13:53,068 --> 00:13:54,368
Okay, who is it?
331
00:13:54,436 --> 00:13:55,570
Do you know which old person it is?
332
00:13:55,637 --> 00:13:56,838
I don't know, who is it?
333
00:13:56,905 --> 00:13:58,172
I... I don't know.
334
00:13:58,239 --> 00:13:59,674
Do you know?
335
00:13:59,741 --> 00:14:01,476
What are we doing here? Who did you draw?
336
00:14:01,543 --> 00:14:02,977
No, I don't know.
337
00:14:03,044 --> 00:14:04,278
Maybe Abbi'll know.
338
00:14:04,346 --> 00:14:06,013
Hey! Abbi, wake up, Ab!
339
00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:08,583
(Lincoln) Ilana, let
her sleep, let her rest.
340
00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:11,418
Ab? Abbi?
341
00:14:11,486 --> 00:14:13,454
Abbi?!
342
00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:14,388
Abbi!
343
00:14:16,191 --> 00:14:17,425
She's just gone.
344
00:14:17,493 --> 00:14:18,526
The door was wide open.
345
00:14:18,594 --> 00:14:20,495
It's gonna get dark in a couple hours.
346
00:14:20,562 --> 00:14:22,062
Okay, calm down.
347
00:14:22,131 --> 00:14:23,264
(bleep) you, don't tell me to calm down!
348
00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:24,599
I hate when men tell women that.
349
00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:26,000
Okay, I'm sure she's fine.
350
00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:28,369
Just needed some air or
something, just call her.
351
00:14:28,437 --> 00:14:30,437
I can't, I took her phone away.
352
00:14:30,505 --> 00:14:32,773
She called Jeremy to declare her love,
353
00:14:32,841 --> 00:14:34,341
and my brain's been a dud all day.
354
00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:36,010
I haven't smoked once, I didn't even vape.
355
00:14:36,077 --> 00:14:37,978
This is all my fault.
356
00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:40,814
Okay, if you can keep her on her
meds schedule, she'll be okay.
357
00:14:40,882 --> 00:14:43,150
She'll be a little fuzzy, but
at least she'll be coherent.
358
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,285
I lied, I (bleep) lied, dude!
359
00:14:45,353 --> 00:14:47,320
I gave her the strongest
form of weed possible.
360
00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:48,488
Other than dabbing.
361
00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:50,257
I gotta find this bitch,
I'll talk to you later.
362
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:51,891
Abbi!
363
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:56,062
It's my fault, I should've seen
this coming from a mile away.
364
00:14:56,130 --> 00:14:58,598
365
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,473
Chug chug chug chug.
366
00:15:18,052 --> 00:15:19,218
Abbi!
367
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,324
What is this place?
368
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,627
Its the most magical place in all the land.
369
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:31,930
Whole Foods! Wow.
370
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:33,399
Yeah, the neighborhood's really changed.
371
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,933
It's a whole new Gowanus.
372
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,201
Come on!
373
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,903
Let's hurry up before the lines get long!
374
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:41,106
(bell tinkling)
375
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,640
Excuse me?
376
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,876
Hey, did you see a beautiful,
sumptuous model-type
377
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,111
come through?
378
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,946
Long silky hair like a horse's main?
379
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,681
The only thing I see is that crazy woman
380
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:53,017
who bought two Yoo-hoos and
drop a bottle on the floor.
381
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:56,654
Yoo-hoo.
382
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,223
Yeah, that's what I just said.
383
00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,524
Thank you so much.
384
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,259
- Get out of my store, get out of my...
- Oh!
385
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,193
- I'm sick and tired of this.
- Oh.
386
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:03,194
Get out.
387
00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:04,161
Hey!
388
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:05,530
(hisses)
389
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,399
Punk.
390
00:16:09,467 --> 00:16:10,667
Dick, bitch.
391
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:15,439
I'm coming, Ab!
392
00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:16,707
Hearts of palm!
393
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:18,308
Abbi, buy me that.
394
00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:20,044
I love hearts of palm.
395
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:22,046
Whoo-whee!
396
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:23,981
Ooh, bulk granola.
397
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,416
Buy me that, Abbi.
398
00:16:26,484 --> 00:16:28,518
(sighing) Manuka honey.
399
00:16:28,586 --> 00:16:30,019
So reasonably priced.
400
00:16:30,087 --> 00:16:32,356
Buy me that, Abbi!
401
00:16:32,423 --> 00:16:34,591
Oh, great!
402
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:36,826
Mmm, this is some high-class (bleep).
403
00:16:36,894 --> 00:16:39,296
Ooh, earth-friendly cereals.
404
00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:40,930
Knock 'em over, Abbi.
405
00:16:40,998 --> 00:16:42,999
They wanna be on the ground.
406
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:44,333
Whoo-hoo!
407
00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:48,537
Next up, probiotics, a Neti
Pot and a bag of douche.
408
00:16:48,605 --> 00:16:49,538
Ha-ha!
409
00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,108
Abbi!
410
00:16:54,511 --> 00:16:56,112
Abbi!
411
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:05,053
That'll be $1,487.56.
412
00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:06,989
Use your new credit card, Abbi.
413
00:17:07,056 --> 00:17:08,357
You got it because you thought you needed
414
00:17:08,425 --> 00:17:10,259
more than one card to be an adult, right?
415
00:17:10,327 --> 00:17:13,128
Well, now's your chance to be one!
416
00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:16,098
Plus, you'll get Starwood's points.
417
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,834
Mmmm, I'm so proud of you!
418
00:17:18,902 --> 00:17:21,603
Quick, let's get this into a
bunker before the big one hits.
419
00:17:21,671 --> 00:17:23,571
Abbi!
420
00:17:23,639 --> 00:17:24,639
Abbi Abrams!
421
00:17:25,374 --> 00:17:26,809
(phone vibrating)
422
00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:28,543
Woah...
423
00:17:30,479 --> 00:17:32,414
Hello?
424
00:17:32,481 --> 00:17:34,916
(robotic voice) There has been some
unusual activity on your account
425
00:17:34,983 --> 00:17:37,485
and we'd like to confirm
that you, Abbi Abrams,
426
00:17:37,553 --> 00:17:42,056
made a purchase of $1,487.56
427
00:17:42,124 --> 00:17:44,592
at the Whole Foods in Gowanus, Brooklyn.
428
00:17:46,629 --> 00:17:49,396
Oh, my God, of course,
she's hungry as (bleep).
429
00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:52,666
From your clear answer, I
can tell you are Abbi Abrams,
430
00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:54,635
and this was not a fraudulent charge.
431
00:17:54,703 --> 00:17:57,738
Thank you for doing business
with One Trust, goodbye.
432
00:17:57,806 --> 00:18:01,309
On the flip side you crazy bitch
433
00:18:01,376 --> 00:18:05,746
434
00:18:05,814 --> 00:18:08,582
Damn, this neighborhood is changing.
435
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:11,652
436
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,054
(both laughing)
437
00:18:14,121 --> 00:18:16,323
Stop it, that's so inappropriate.
438
00:18:16,391 --> 00:18:20,126
Oh, (bleep), it's Strega
Nona the weed witch!
439
00:18:20,194 --> 00:18:21,794
Peace, mortals.
440
00:18:21,863 --> 00:18:23,964
Are you okay, you scared
the (bleep) out of me.
441
00:18:24,031 --> 00:18:26,532
God dammit, my manuka honey!
442
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,268
I got you, Bingo Bronson! Abbi, no!
443
00:18:28,336 --> 00:18:30,270
(glass shattering) Ow!
444
00:18:30,338 --> 00:18:31,437
Airball.
445
00:18:31,505 --> 00:18:33,206
Oh, my (bleep) ankle.
446
00:18:33,274 --> 00:18:36,142
Oh, my God, sorry.
447
00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:37,977
I love you, Abbi!
448
00:18:38,044 --> 00:18:39,144
See you soon.
449
00:18:39,212 --> 00:18:41,146
I love you, Bingo Bronson!
450
00:18:41,214 --> 00:18:42,982
(Ilana) So sorry, sorry.
451
00:18:43,049 --> 00:18:44,417
Oh, my God, you're so scary.
452
00:18:51,091 --> 00:18:52,324
So Abbi's vitals are fine.
453
00:18:52,393 --> 00:18:54,159
She just needs plenty of sleep.
454
00:18:54,227 --> 00:18:57,829
I feel like an old-timey doctor
right now making house calls.
455
00:18:57,898 --> 00:18:59,731
I should get an apothecary bag, right?
456
00:18:59,799 --> 00:19:03,969
Oh, my God, I am so
horny right now, it hurts.
457
00:19:04,037 --> 00:19:05,437
Oh, yeah?
458
00:19:05,505 --> 00:19:08,374
It hurts.
459
00:19:08,441 --> 00:19:10,575
Good night, Abbi-dab.
460
00:19:10,643 --> 00:19:13,478
Everybody safe and s...
461
00:19:13,546 --> 00:19:15,246
Jaim?!
462
00:19:15,314 --> 00:19:16,648
(Jaim?) Are you Abbi?
463
00:19:16,716 --> 00:19:17,949
Where are you, Abbi?
464
00:19:18,017 --> 00:19:20,318
Sir? We're closing.
465
00:19:20,386 --> 00:19:24,088
Just pick any flavor,
they're all chemicals.
466
00:19:24,156 --> 00:19:27,125
(vomiting)
467
00:19:27,192 --> 00:19:28,859
Come on.
468
00:19:28,928 --> 00:19:29,827
So sorry.
469
00:19:32,331 --> 00:19:33,364
It's the Gummi Bears.
470
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:38,503
Hey, Ab, hey.
471
00:19:38,571 --> 00:19:40,004
Oh, hey, Jer.
472
00:19:40,072 --> 00:19:41,305
Hi, 'sup?
473
00:19:41,374 --> 00:19:44,542
So... I got your call yesterday.
474
00:19:44,610 --> 00:19:46,411
Um, my what?
475
00:19:46,479 --> 00:19:49,447
That really long voice mail you
left me where you asked me out.
476
00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:51,249
Oh, no, don't...
477
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:54,986
No, I was just in... I had
surgery, I was... so many...
478
00:19:55,053 --> 00:19:57,721
There were so many drugs
and I was... so that's...
479
00:19:57,789 --> 00:20:00,091
You know I'm getting...
my phone's ringing here.
480
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,725
Hello? Hi.
481
00:20:01,793 --> 00:20:05,096
- No, why would I throw-up on my clothes?
- Abbi.
482
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,698
- I'm not crazy... Yeah, I am Jewish...
- Abbi.
483
00:20:07,766 --> 00:20:09,600
- It has nothing to do with it.
- Abbi, don't.
484
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:10,902
- Abbi, just listen to me.
- Abbi!
485
00:20:10,969 --> 00:20:11,902
- Listen!
- Listen, listen.
486
00:20:11,969 --> 00:20:13,871
- Hey!
- Hey!
487
00:20:13,938 --> 00:20:18,942
I would love to go out with
you on an official... thing.
488
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,712
Oh, and I loved your Drew
Barrymore impersonation.
489
00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:23,947
Amazing.
490
00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,582
491
00:20:34,825 --> 00:20:36,626
So, I guess I'll give you a call.
492
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,495
Yeah, that was... yeah.
493
00:20:39,563 --> 00:20:40,463
Okay.
494
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,233
Okay, ring her up... me.
495
00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:49,505
(door closing)
496
00:20:49,573 --> 00:20:51,841
497
00:20:53,842 --> 00:20:59,006
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
498
00:20:59,056 --> 00:21:03,606
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