Original subtitles

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

(CORY WHISTLING)

Cory, the banquet halls are filling up.

Will you please look at these dates?

No, I'm wet and naked.

Me, too.

You're not naked.

Cory, I can't pick out a wedding dress or flowers

or anything until we set a date.

Will I ever see you naked?

Someday.

Sunday?

Pick a date!

How about your tushie right now

as a sign of good faith?

Ha! Nice try, babe.

Ooh, nice tush.

(SCREAMS)

Ooh, hubba, hubba.

I'm just a piece of meat to you, aren't I?

All men are.

Isn't that right, my little rump roast?

Angela, what'd you do that for?

Because I did.

Oh. Cory, here, I borrowed your razor.

You used my razor?

Yeah. Just to shave my legs.

You don't mind, do you?

Mind? (CHUCKLES)

That the razor I use on my face

was used to shave your wonderful leg

only brings us much closer and increases my overall joy.

Good.

Please remember to look at those dates.

I will, my smooth one.

I'm gonna be sick.

What?

She used my... (EXCLAIMS)

What's the big deal?

(EXCLAIMS)

Why don't you just change the blade, you baby?

I think it's sexy.

I do, too.

Her stubble on my face is sexy to you?

Cory's disgusted you used his razor.

Are you kidding me?

Why wouldn't you have just said something?

Ha, ha, I don't mind.

I think that you using my razor is very sexy.

Oh, good.

So, if I were to use this razor right now

to shave under my arms, you'd be okay with that?

Sure.

No, I'd hate it! I hate it! Please don't!

Why wouldn't you have just told me the truth?

The truth? That's funny, the truth.

Cory, if we're gonna be married,

we have to be able to be totally honest with each other.

We should learn from this. From right now, total honesty.

It's a trap.

Wait a minute...

Are you saying I can tell you

the truth about everything?

(IN SING SONG VOICE) Trap, trappity, trap, trap...

I want you to.

Trap. Trap.

Are you saying I can tell you exactly what I think

with no fear of repercussion

or lots and lots of yelling?

Try it.

Well, okay.

Topanga...

If you don't mind,

would you please consider

keeping your paws off my razor?

Done.

Really?

Wow.

Honesty all the time.

This will be good, huh?

Yeah, this will be real good.

Oh, look...

My Petite Shoe is playing at the university theater.

Do you want to go?

Watch this.

No. I don't wanna go.

You know why?

Because it's a chick flick.

And Cory don't like chick flicks.

You know what else I don't like? The Ice Capades.

Don't ever take me there.

So, how am I doing?

You're right on schedule.

Hey, guys. How you doing?

Hey, Eric.

What's Josh doing here?

Oh, I'm just baby-sitting.

I'm waiting for Mom and Dad to come pick him up.

Hey, little bro.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, Eric, wait, wait.

We wanna catch everybody here.

Oh, hi, Joshua. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Well, Jack and I are having

our first dinner party on Friday night,

and we wanted to invite you all,

'cause I'm gonna cook, and it's gonna be really, really fun.

Sure. Cory, you wanna go? Sounds good.

Yeah.

Eric, we really want you to come.

Well, how do you expect me to go back to the place

where I had my heart ripped out of my chest

and thrown around the room like it was a...

Like a nerf heart.

I want you to forget about everything that's happened between us

and remember that we're friends,

and I want you to come to our party because it's for friends.

Will you be making tater tots?

Oh, I'll make tater tots.

Oh, well, then I'll be there.

(CRYING) I'm so in love with her.

Oh, Josh, you're getting cold, buddy.

Aw, who's the little one?

That's Joshua.

He's so cute.

How old is he?

Months or something, I don't know.

Uh, look at me, though. I'm Eric.

You know, there's nothing sweeter

than a father with his new baby.

Oh, sure there is, the father, his new baby,

and his new baby's girlfriend.

What about your wife?

Dead. What are you doing later?

No, I'm all that he's got in this world.

ALAN: Hey, Eric.

(STUTTERS) Mom and Dad!

Hey, all right, great.

Cup of coffee? Come on.

Hey, little boy. Did you miss your mommy?

Did I miss my mommy?

Of course I missed my mommy. Come here.

And I missed my daddy, too, didn't I, big guy?

All right. Back off.

Have you met my new friend? This is, um...

Dana. Dana.

Hello. Hi, Dana.

You have an adorable grandson.

What?

Oh, uh, yes, yes, we do.

Thank you very much.

Good luck.

Alan, he's using our child to pick up women.

It's disgusting. I'm going to have a talk with him.

See what I made there?

What you doing?

Carving rose radishes.

I just spent a half an hour on the one in your mouth.

It's good.

Oh, you weren't planning on wearing that, were you?

What, don't I look good in this?

Oh, no, you look fine.

You look fine.

I just thought maybe

since this is our first dinner party together,

you might, I don't know, want to dress up a little bit.

Got anything in particular you want me to wear?

Oh, no, I want you to wear whatever you want to wear.

Except this.

(CHUCKLES) You're so funny.

I'm gonna go think about things.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Topanga...

At what point when you were paying

to have this done to your hair

did you look in the mirror and say,

"Hey, this looks good"?

Cory, you've made your point.

You don't like my hair.

Watch this.

Topanga,

if I may be honest, and you said I could,

I don't dislike your hair.

No, no.

I hate it.

No, hate's too strong of a word. Uh...

No, hate's good.

I think whoever did this to you

should be taken outside, tied down,

and made to look at it.

He's like a dog with a bone.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hi. Come on in.

Oh, Topanga, I love your hair.

Thank you.

I don't.

Don't worry, we have an honesty pact.

We tell each other the truth about everything now.

Yeah, nothing bad's gonna happen at all.

You know what?

This reminds me of this game

we used to play back in high school.

Oh, what kind of game?

Oh, it was an honesty game.

Oh, well, how do you play?

We put everybody's name in a hat,

and whoever's name you draw,

you can ask whatever you want.

I just came to eat.

That's a nice outfit.

Are you afraid of honesty, Shawn?

Oh, yeah, in a big way.

Cory and I aren't.

Honesty's a cinch for us.

Trap.

Well, great, then. I'll get the hat.

Put it on Topanga.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

I'm done.

Okay, everybody. Let's play.

Oh, do we have to play a game?

Oh, come on. Dinner's not quite ready,

and we have to wait for Eric anyway.

It's really fun to think of intimate questions

that'll really embarrass everybody.

Okay, well, I'll go first.

Jack.

Oh, great.

Okay, if you could change one thing about Rachel,

what would you change?

TOPANGA: Oh, that's good.

I don't know. Who's next?

Oh, come on, Jack. Try.

I mean, there must be something about me that bothers you.

Nope, sorry. Ooh, great game.

Feels good to be honest, huh? Ooh.

All right.

Rachel. Yes.

Same question.

Is there anything about Jack that bothers you?

See how hard it is?

He's too passive and needs to voice his opinions more.

Jack, what do you think about that?

I don't know.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Eric, hi...

You brought a guest.

Yeah, yeah. This is Dana.

I met her at the student union

when I was with my son, Joshua.

He's with Grandma and Grandpa Matthews right now.

You remember my son, Joshua.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) And the honesty game

just got a little more interesting.

Do you think I'm too passive?

What? Nothing.

Well, Dana, hi. I'm Rachel.

It's nice to meet you.

Would you excuse me for just one second?

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

Funny hair.

What? What's the matter?

I have seven Cornish hens, seven baked potatoes,

and seven parfaits, and there are eight people here.

Ah. Okay, I'll leave.

Sit down.

So, Eric, we're playing a truth game

to promote honesty in relationships.

Honesty. Excellent, excellent.

It's what they teach us in law school.

All right. Let's see who's next.

Shawn...

If you could spend one night with anyone,

no strings attached,

who would it be with?

Anyone in the world?

No strings?

Yep. Be honest.

Then I'd pick Angela.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Angela?

So, with no strings, no commitment,

no emotional attachment, you'd pick me?

Yeah. What do you say to that?

Let's do it.

(WHISPERING) It's a trap.

So, come on, Shawn. Let's go.

Now?

Now.

I like this game.

Hello.

What?

When you two broke up,

who is the one that spent every minute of every day

trying to get you two back together?

You, darling.

And who was the one who spent every second

trying to make you two realize that you belong together?

You, darling.

Then why are you going to do something

very strange in the bedroom

when I have absolutely nothing to do with it?

No strings, Cory.

I don't get it.

Bye-bye.

So, uh, Dana...

What's your feeling about this whole stringless relationship?

You know, no commitments, no emotional attachment,

still you get to honk-honk, you know what I'm saying?

And I want you to remember, everybody's being honest tonight.

Well, I just met you. Mmm-hmm.

All I know about you is that

you're a single father working his way through law school

who just got back from the no-fly zone in Iraq.

(SCOFFING)

Aw, she goes out with you, she deserves what she gets.

(LAUGHS) That's right, baby.

Okay, let's get back to the game.

Who's next?

I'm not passive.

I'm just nice.

Excuse me.

But does anybody care about what's going on up there?

I have something to say.

These are not tater tots!

Eric, they're right here.

(LAUGHING)

You leave hair in the shower!

You leave hair. It bothers me.

That's right. Your hair,

in the shower, clogging up the drain.

It bothers me. Yeah, you.

Wait a second, you've been sitting there

and stewing for 20 minutes,

and that's all that you came up with?

Leave me alone.

You all know what they're doing up there, don't you? They're...

Cory.

If you could change one thing about Topanga,

what would it be?

Um... What would it be?

What would it be?

What would it be?

Cory, make your we're-gonna-be-virgins-

for-the-rest-of-our-lives joke,

and then we can all move on.

I'd actually change your need to be perfect all the time.

What?

Yeah, I think you need to relax,

lighten up a bit.

Jeez, they've been up there a long time.

I don't need to be perfect.

Oh, come on, Topanga, from nursery school to college,

you always had to be the best at everything.

Really? Then why didn't I go to Yale, Cory?

Why am I here at Pennbrook with you?

What?

Okay. (LAUGHS) Game's over.

Who's hungry for hen?

I knew it.

You resent the fact that you gave up Yale for me.

I gave up Yale for us.

I was just trying to show you you were wrong, okay?

Well, maybe you should have gone, then.

Yeah, maybe the time apart would have been good for us.

In what way?

Maybe we wouldn't be engaged?

Why do you have to take it to that level?

Rachel?

Huh?

Thank you for everything. I'm gonna be leaving now.

No, no, uh...

Wait a minute, you started this whole honesty thing.

You can't leave.

Watch me.

Topanga...

I can't believe they're still up there.

Oh, Jack, I just wanted to have

my first grown-up dinner party with my Cornish hens...

And tater tots!

My party's sucky.

No, come on, it's just your first one.

Next time, we won't invite these people.

Well, I guess we could invite some of them.

I mean, Eric seems to be doing pretty well with his date.

I love Shamu.

How do you train him to do all those tricks?

It's hard. It's a difficult task,

but the key is to start small,

uh, sit, stay...

Eat Pinocchio.

You know what, everything was going fine

until I thought of that stupid honesty game.

No, no, that's not true, honey.

This party would have been bad

no matter what happened.

That's very honest of you.

Yeah. Sorry.

Oh.

This is the greatest night of my life.

Don't talk.

No one understands this but us.

Quiet.

I forgot how well we fit together.

I'm asking you to shut up.

What do you want from me?

I want to understand what's bothering you.

I thought you wanted to spend some time apart, Cory.

Topanga, that's not what I meant, and you know it.

But there is a part of you

that wonders what it'd be like

to spend a year apart?

Honesty?

Please.

Yes, there's a part of me

that wonders what it would be like.

But there's another part, a much bigger part,

that knows I would have been miserable without you.

Now, I need to know,

are you sorry you gave up Yale?

Honesty?

Please.

Giving up Yale was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

But, of course,

I would have been miserable without you, too.

I just want to be able to use your razor.

I already told you... (EXCLAIMS)

I don't want you to react like that.

So, that's what this is about, isn't it?

Cory, the relationship that I want

is not two individuals who live under the same roof.

I want us together, Cory.

What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine.

If you're gonna react like that over a razor,

how are you gonna react when I use your toothbrush?

Not well.

Angela...

Mmm, don't.

Miss you. Don't.

I can't help it. Don't.

Angela, I love you.

Ow! My keys.

I knew you couldn't do it.

Oh, man, I Cory'd this up, didn't I?

You had to go and get heavy, Shawn, didn't you?

No, I'm not getting heavy, Angela.

I just think that an emotional commitment

is a proper foundation for... Oh, my God, I'm both of them!

Topanga, if we're really being honest,

then I think what you need

is some imaginary perfect relationship.

You know, this is just you going after perfect again.

No, Cory, this is me

realizing that we are going to be sharing

the rest of our lives together

and wondering why you can't even share

a razor or a toothbrush.

Okay, you want real honesty, Topanga?

Can you handle real honesty?

I just want to know what it's gonna take

to share your toothbrush.

The truth is I could never share

any of my personal items

with someone who won't even show me her tushie.

No tushie, no brushy.

I think that's fair.

I... What?

Thank you, Rachel. I had a really nice time.

You're welcome.

Come back soon.

I have seen the promised land!

I showed him my butt.

You two make my life a living hell.

(CHUCKLES) Great, great party, Rachel.

We're having a great time.

Really?

Wow, I thought that whole honesty game

might have ruined the evening.

Ah, on the contrary,

honesty is the only way to go

for a healthy relationship.

If you'll notice, only the honest couples are left here.

Yeah, the bullet hurt.

But I saved the President's life,

so I think it was worth it.

Eric doesn't count.

And...

I'm Batman.

(SIGHS)

What are you doing?

Oh, I left mine in my gym bag.

You know, this sharing stuff is great. Thanks.

(EXCLAIMS) There's a hair on it.

Oh, yeah. Look, it's one of my boys.

I can tell 'cause it's kinky, like me.

Here you go.

You are a disgusting little man.

Yes, I am.

Hey, Shawn, why are you following me?

You had your chance, babe.

I'm not following you.

I couldn't care less about you.

You mean nothing to me.

Less than nothing.

Nothing. Not a thing.

Okay. Good for you.

(GRUNTS)

Cold shower now!

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