Original subtitles

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Now, this happens to be my favorite room

in the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

These abstracts are open to personal interpretations,

so I want each of you to pick out a piece of artwork

that speaks to you.

Then speak to us about how it speaks to you.

Hey, guys.

Shawn and I have great news.

Hey, me, too.

Shawn just got into the photography program.

And Angela got an A on her essay,

"Maintaining black identity

"when you have three very white friends."

That's great, you guys.

Cory, what was your good news?

I found a penny.

Oh.

That's great, too.

All right. Who'd like to be first

to offer an interpretation of this for the class?

Oh, pick me, Mr. Feeny, please! Please!

Put your hands down. Please!

Well, how can I turn down that kind of enthusiasm?

All right, Mr. Matthews, give us your interpretation.

I see hands

tearing at the fabric of America.

You can almost see the old and bitter artist

as he predicts total anarchy and higher taxes

and the death of the American way.

Excuse me, but that's totally wrong.

(CHUCKLES)

Are you lost, little girl?

The painting is about the hope for the future and the joy of life,

and the artist is not bitter.

Look, little girl.

You're a little girl. Huh!

I'm 18 years old, and you're gonna try and tell me something?

No, no, no. You just take your little "joy for life"

and pipe it, sister!

What's your problem?

No problem. Keep talking. I'm going to enjoy this.

Excuse me, Mr. Mean Man, but I know exactly what's in the painting.

Oh, was I "Mr. Mean Man"? (LAUGHING)

Was I too mean to the "little girl," hmm?

Go ahead. You tell me how you know what's in the painting. Go ahead.

I painted it.

Yeah, you painted it, and I got your nose.

(IN HIGH-PITCHED TONE) I got your nose!

Mr. Matthews, give her back her nose.

Oh, I'm just playing with the kid.

Cory, I believe the kid whose nose you hold is Alexandra Nechita.

Alexandra Nechita?

Hello. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

See, this isn't really your nose.

It's my thumb, and... Here.

(CHUCKLES)

Miss Nechita, I'm a great admirer of yours.

I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts

about classic versus modern technique

and the impact of the renaissance on the modern palette.

Feeny. You're drooling, man.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hunter, but I get carried away

when I see a young person with such extraordinary gifts.

Are you saying we don't have extraordinary gifts, Mr. Feeny?

No, of course not, Mr. Matthews.

You also have extraordinary gifts.

Like what?

You have your health. Good for you.

Step aside while I talk to the genius.

What are you doing in Philadelphia?

There's a showcase of my earlier work.

Ah. Well, this is extraordinary.

Wow. She has earlier work.

Wait a minute. I'm 18, and I have no work at all.

It's okay, Cory. Everybody can't be a great painter.

Yeah, but she's, like, as old as my sister,

and she already knows what she's good at.

I wonder what I'm good at.

You have a sister my age?

Oh, don't. Don't even bother.

Hey!

Hey, wait. I know who you are.

You're that painter girl I saw on Rosie O'Donnell.

Morgan, this is Alexandra.

Hi. Hi!

For some reason, she wants to hang out with you.

Well, when I go on all these tours,

I don't get a lot of time to spend with kids my own age.

Have you really been painting since you were, like, two?

My parents gave me a coloring book and crayons when I was two,

and I guess I just never stopped.

Really? 'Cause, you know, when Morgan was two,

she gained almost full control of her neck.

Yeah, we're all real proud of her.

Go ahead, Morgan, hold up your head.

That-a-girl!

When I was one and a half, I learned to ignore him.

Loser.

So, you like video games?

Yeah, she likes video games!

Morgan, she's a cultural icon. She's got lots of...

Banjo-Kazooie? Got it.

Oh, cool. Did you get to the witch's tower?

Twice. Will you show me how?

Yeah! Let's go.

Hey, Cor. What you doing?

Shawn, do you think I'm talented?

Oh, God. What now?

Can you believe how tough Peterson's econ class is?

How am I supposed to know what effect

the devaluation of the Russian ruble has on the Asian market?

I mean, please. (LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)

Why don't you just go pee?

You would love that, wouldn't you?

He's afraid to leave us alone for a couple minutes.

Oh, yeah, like you've ever left me alone with her for any minutes?

You know, actually, you know what? I'm okay. I'm good.

All right! Totally good.

Eric's okay! Whoo!

Hey, let's have a little toast to, um, Eric being okay.

Hey, everybody, drink up! Yo!

(EXCLAIMING)

Mmm!

That is the meanest thing you've ever done to me.

He is so funny.

Like he has to worry about us being alone together, right?

(SCOFFS) Yeah. I want you to marry me.

What?

Yeah, marry me now before he comes out of the bathroom.

Okay. But, you know, I hope you want kids,

(MUFFLED) because I want six boys and six girls.

(GAGGING)

Look, I know this is very sudden,

but I need you to hurry up and answer me

before he comes out of the bathroom.

(MUFFLED)

That's right, cutie pie, I'm talking to you.

(GAGGING)

"I'm chucking to death."

Mmm.

Oh! God! Oh, God! Okay!

(YELPS)

Whoo! Monsoon season is officially over, man...

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Hey! Wait a minute!

Hey! (EXCLAIMING)

You said you weren't gonna do anything!

She was chucking to death!

Oh, my God, you saved my life!

No, he didn't!

Forget about it. You would've done the same for me.

No. If I can do anything to repay you, I will,

'cause I owe you. I owe you big time.

I am never gonna pee again!

And this is my eighth-place trophy

for enthusiasm from fat camp.

When were you fat?

My parents applied to the good camps too late.

Man, those guys could eat pie.

What's that one for?

Um, my baseball team came in last.

They actually gave you a trophy for that?

Well, they wanted everybody to feel a sense of pride and achievement.

Where's his head?

I smashed it off with a hammer.

Cory, I know I'm supposed to make you feel better,

but what kind of loser saves all these things?

Because this was me, Shawn. This is me.

Mr. Average.

My room here is a shrine to my mediocre life.

Let's stop right there, okay? You don't have a mediocre life.

(SCOFFS) There's nothing about me that separates me from anybody else.

You know, nobody ever put a paint brush in my hand when I was two.

Nobody ever helped me find out what I was talented at.

Wait.

You used to be pretty good at this thing.

(SINGING OFF-KEY) My dog has fleas

Wow.

My dog has fleas

Yes!

Your father and I ran into Mrs. Eichelburger at the grocery store.

Her daughter's the reason you didn't enter the talent show

at the youth center, isn't she?

Guys, Eloise Eichelburger wins that talent show every year.

Why should anyone else bother to try?

Oh, Morgan, you are such a good singer.

It would be a shame for you not to even try.

Well, I'm sure Alexandra wants you to try.

I mean, do you think she'd let it stop her from painting

because there are other girls

who could paint better than she could?

Huh?

Oh, yeah. Oh! Oh, sure.

There are many girls who can paint better than...

I'm not supposed to lie. What do I do?

Go play.

Mom, do I have to sing?

Oh, Morgan, nobody's gonna force you

to do anything you don't want to do.

You don't want to sing, you don't have to sing.

Oh, that's right. And tell her

she doesn't have to continue with her ukulele lessons, either.

(PLAYING MYSTERIOUS TUNE)

What?

Way to groom another eighth-place honorable mention,

nothing special also-ran, Dad.

Okay, what now?

"What now?"

"What now?"

I could've been one of the greatest ukulele players

in the world.

Are you getting that this isn't about the ukulele?

I could've been great at something, and you stopped me.

We didn't stop you. You just lost interest.

Oh, well, how come you didn't give me a paint set when I was two?

'Cause you were more excited about toilet training.

"Cory big boy now," you would say.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, "Cory big boy now."

You know, why didn't you ever push me to be anything great?

You didn't help me find out what I was good at.

And I do not want to be one of these people, Dad,

who has no first-place trophies and no special talents.

I mean, why didn't you want me to be better?

Better? Better than what?

Better than what I am.

What are you saying?

I'm saying better than this.

You mean better than me?

Yeah. Better than you.

Cory!

No, it's just... I'm never gonna be great at anything

because I was raised to be average.

And I'm average because you're average.

Cor!

Come on, you gotta come out sometime.

Hey. Look who it is.

It's the ice-cream man.

Well, hello, Mr. Ice-cream Man.

What's that?

Cor, he says he's got your favorite flavor.

Vanilla?

What's going on?

Oh, he's locked himself in there, and he won't come out for anybody.

He's searching the caverns of his soul.

Oh, no. Not the caverns.

Cory, open this door!

There's no ice-cream man.

I know, Cory.

I did a terrible thing.

I mean, I did the worst thing that I could possibly do.

I told my father he was average.

I told my dad that once. He was thrilled.

Well, my dad wasn't thrilled.

I mean, he was crushed.

I crushed my father.

I crushed my father.

Cory, we all say things we don't mean.

He'll understand.

Just apologize.

I meant what I said.

I feel like I'm just a regular guy

like my father's just a regular guy.

How do I apologize for that?

Oh, Cory, you're not just a regular guy.

You're very good at a lot of things.

Like what?

Don't press me on this. I'm just trying to make you feel better.

Look, you all know exactly what you're good at, right?

I have no idea what I am.

I'm like standard issue.

I come in a plain wrapper.

Well, so do dirty magazines, and everybody loves them.

Okay. Not you.

Go home and talk to your father, Cory.

I can't. He's gonna kill me.

No, he won't.

An average father might be angry,

but your father isn't average.

So go home and find out how wrong you are.

We'll be behind you the whole way.

(GASP) How you doing?

Get in the car.

What are you gonna ask her for? Leave me alone.

What are you gonna ask her for? Will you stop?

What are you gonna ask her for?

All right, you want the truth?

I can't handle the truth!

Rachel, will you come out here for a minute, please?

Wait, it's pay-up time right now here in front of me?

So have you decided what you want for saving my life?

Yes, I have.

Come here.

Right here in front of me?

Look, I appreciate your gratitude,

and, uh, well, I've decided that what I would like is...

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

No!

Don't give yourself to him just 'cause he saved your life!

Life is to live!

Life is...

You say a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Is that all you want?

Mmm.

Okay.

She'll give you anything you ask for,

and you ask for a PB and J?

I don't want her to feel like she has to owe me something.

Well, then, why did you save her life?

Oh, you would've done the same thing, Eric.

Oh, what, just because I like her and I respect her

and I wouldn't want to take advantage of her?

Yeah, that.

Actually, could I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, too?

Um...

I realize you're angry,

and, Dad, whatever we're doing here,

I want you to know I said a terrible thing,

and I have no idea where to even begin to apologize.

I'm sorry you meant it.

Do you know what this place is?

The abandoned warehouse where no one will hear my screams?

My first job was sweeping up this store.

I took over after my father retired.

He spent 40 years with a broom in his hand.

I wish he could see all that I have now.

Why are you so ashamed of being average?

Well, I'm not... Look at this place.

Look at this place. Touch it.

Go on, touch it. Get some dirt on your hands.

Try and see what average looked like from here.

To me, average... Average was a dream.

That's why my father worked his butt off,

so maybe his son could have something more.

And I learned from him, Cory.

And I respected him because he did the best that he could.

And I was proud of him.

And he would've been proud of me, too.

I don't know. You know, maybe...

If my son thinks average is nothing, then I've done my job.

But I'm sorry that you're not proud.

Of him, of me,

and of yourself.

Big deal. So she twirls batons.

Wow! Look at all that fire in the air.

Dad... (SHUSHING)

Look, Dad... No. (SHUSHING)

She's good.

I know. She's the best fire juggler in the county.

She's gonna win.

I'm not gonna sing.

You're not gonna sing?

I don't want to.

Aren't there times when you don't want to paint?

Well, when people first started to make a big deal about it,

I didn't want to be different from all my friends.

But I love to paint, and that's why I do it.

Don't you love to sing?

Yeah, I do.

Then that's your gift, Morgan.

And if you're lucky enough that God gave you one,

I think that you should share it.

Thank you, Eloise! That's gonna be a tough act to follow.

Well, we have had quite a night this evening.

We've had fire batons,

we had a little boy that juggled the ducks,

and a special thank you to the double-jointed Plunket twins.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

And now, our final entry will be Morgan Matthews, who will sing a song.

Yay, Morgan! Mommy loves you!

(SINGING WIND BENEATH MY WINGS)

I can't live like this.

I need you to know that I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it.

But I am worried about it. (SHUSHING)

(SINGING ALONG)

Morgan, you were terrific.

(SIGHS) Thanks.

How was I?

(WHISPERING) I'm not supposed to lie. What do I do?

Let's just go.

Dad? Hmm.

I think I said all that stuff earlier

because I was afraid about my life.

You know, when you meet somebody great like Alexandra,

you begin to wonder if you're worth anything,

and if I'm not, it was easier to blame you.

But I know it's up to me

to make my life something to be proud of.

Well, that's what life is about, Cory.

You spend your time searching for something to give your life meaning.

Some people find it in their talent.

Yeah, but what if I'm not talented?

Other people find it in other ways.

You know when I knew my life was worth something?

When I held you in my arms.

Now, how'd you know I was gonna say that?

That's what my daddy always says to me.

Eric!

Oh, Eric, my poor Eric, are you okay? Wake up!

What's going on?

Eric's dead.

Cool.

(RACHEL GASPS)

Wait a second, I think he's alive.

What can I do for him?

Oh, I know.

Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Oh, shoot. You know what?

I don't know mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Do you know CPR, jack? (MOUTHING) Say "yes."

Yes, I do.

So just, uh, move aside there, sweetheart.

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, yeah, that's good. Make fun of the dead.

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