Original subtitles

My dearest Topanga, it's day 58 of my summer road trip

across this great country of ours with my dear brother, Eric.

This may be the last entry in my travel log,

as my road buddy is becoming ornery.

Hi, Topanga. I don't know why Cory thinks I'm ornery.

I'm actually, you know, pretty happy now that I've got the tape recorder

and I don't have to listen to Cory yammer on

for two months and 48 states about life on the road.

And speaking of the road, here it is now.

(SHATTERS)

Tape recorder number 17.

The golden rays of the sunset

remind me of the golden highlights in your beautiful hair.

You're insane!

I mean, how is it that everything you see in this country

reminds you of Topanga?

Oh, you exaggerate, Eric.

I mean, I did not mention her once during our tour of the White House.

Hmm. "Topanga's got a desk just like Chelsea's."

Well, I didn't say anything at the Kennedy Space Center.

"Topanga's favorite movie is Apollo 13."

Mount Rushmore? "Will you look at the lips on Teddy Roosevelt?"

I said that out loud?

You've Topanga-ed me to death, man!

Well, I, for one, Eric, had a delightful summer,

and there's a part of me that's sorry to see this trip end.

Well, this trip is far from ended.

Why are you stalling?

I'm not stalling.

I just want to make sure I don't miss anything in these here United States.

(SCOFFS) Eric, we're three hours from home, you know?

We said we'd be home tonight.

Home. Mom, Dad, Morgan, our sister who loves us. How do you beat that?

"Entering Pottstown, home of the world's largest yogurt cup."

He beat it.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Eric, listen to me.

We have to go home, and here's why.

I'm completely out of clean underwear.

Eh, big deal. I ran out a week ago. I'm sitting pretty.

Yes, but, you see, I don't know if you've noticed,

but I've also run out of pants.

(EXCLAIMS)

I want to go home. I want you in pants!

CORY: Well, are you happy, Eric?

Your brother's wearing yogurt pants,

and let me tell you something.

One size does not fit all.

Now can we please just go home?

Hey, not so fast. They got a whole schedule of events here.

What kind of events? It's a giant yogurt cup!

Now, why can't you just experience something new you've never seen before?

'Cause I don't wanna?

Look. 4:00, we have the parade of sprinkles,

6:00, we got the march of the dancing lids...

I don't want to be here after dark.

Just stand here...

And smile.

Say... Big pink spoon.

"Big pink spoon."

Well, I am proud to be on the arm

of the grocery store manager of the year.

If anyone deserves tonight's Grocey, it's you.

Oh, thank you, honey, but it's really no big deal.

You don't mean that. Do you?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. Is Cory home yet?

Nope. But soon, though.

I know. According to tape 56, he should be home tonight.

Late tonight.

So is it okay if we wait?

Well, actually, we were on our way out.

That's okay, it's okay. I'm just going to take a hot bath.

What? There's seepage at the trailer park.

Shawn, I'd prefer that my son's friends

didn't bathe in my home when I wasn't here.

Or ever.

Still in a bad mood, huh, Mr. M?

What bad mood?

Well, me and my dad noticed it when we were last at the market.

You know, we were eating our free samples, like we always do...

Whoa! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Sticking your own toothpicks in our turkey and steak

does not make them free samples.

Fine! We'll just take our business elsewhere.

Now, Mr. Eric from the city, uh,

(GIGGLES) I'm flattered and everything,

but why would a guy who's traveled back and forth across the state line

be so keen on chatting up a small-town girl like me?

Just because I've been made wiser by my experience on the open road,

that doesn't make me any better than you.

You know, the people that know me? I'm just plain simple.

Like string.

I collect string.

Well, of course you do. You're perfect for each other.

I can't get in the way of this.

Clearly this is bigger than I am.

Well, if I hurry, I can just make the parade of sprinkles.

Eric, if you don't have to take the hitchhiker boy home,

not more than five miles from here is Burlick, Pennsylvania.

Tell me about this Burlick.

Burlick, Pennsylvania, home of the world's largest...

Yogurt cup.

Hey, wait a second.

You leave my girlfriend alone.

I'm going to the parade.

(DOOR OPENS)

8:00? Perfect.

(DOOR SLAMS)

MALE ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, mesdames et messieurs,

Senores y Senoritas, Damen und Herren,

the internationally-renowned Pottstown, Pennsylvania, parade of sprinkles!

Look! The sprinkles is coming. Oh, they are beautiful!

Hey, why is everybody wearing goggles?

My eyes!

Alan, I am so proud of you.

"Grocey award-winning Alan" to you.

I know the perfect place to put this.

Ta-da!

(CLICKING TONGUE) Well, there it is.

Twenty years in the grocery business

and I've reached the pinnacle of my profession.

(SIGHS)

Um, Alan, when people win awards, aren't they usually happy?

I was just a kid who took a summer job and kept getting promoted

while I was trying to figure out

what I really wanted to do with my life.

Now it's 27 years later, and tonight, I won something.

I won the realization that I am Alan Matthews,

I am 42 years old, I am a grocer.

You want to quit your job?

Ah, I just want to take a hot bath.

You don't want to get in that tub. It's disgusting.

Uh, what... Excuse me. Could I have my robe back?

Hey, I'm naked under here.

Enjoy.

A motel room.

Only three hours from home.

I should be in my room tonight,

not in a motel room in the middle of nowhere,

with a toilet seat that has not been sanitized for my protection.

I don't believe that paper strip for a minute.

(COIN CLINKING)

(MACHINERY HUMMING)

Better?

A little.

I told you, we just got this room so I could clean up for my date tonight.

Eric, I've been a good brother on this trip.

I mean, I've indulged your little whims,

I've been very supportive. Why're you doing this?

I'm just not ready for the summer to end yet.

Well, I am. I mean, I got a girlfriend.

I got Shawn, I got school.

I got a life waiting for me back at home.

Yeah, you do.

That must be nice, huh?

I wasn't trying to make you feel bad.

I know you weren't. I mean, I did this to myself.

I didn't get into college, all my friends did.

I don't have a job, so...

See, there's really nothing for me to go home to.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hi. Hi.

Are you ready? Uh, yeah, I am.

Wait a minute, Eric, what are you saying?

Cor, I'm not going home.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Cory?

Eric, please. Just come to your senses and tell me we're leaving.

Oh, Cor, I have come to my senses. This place is great!

I mean, it's got Irene, it's got soup, it's got pie, why would I ever leave?

Eric, it's not your home.

That's right, it's not.

At home, I'm a loser. Here, I find happiness.

You're trying to take it from me.

No, Eric. You didn't find happiness. You just pulled off the road.

I mean, you can't stay here for the rest of your life.

You just pulled off the road.

Maybe this is my exit.

Look, Eric, we've been gone two months, all right?

Mom and Dad are waiting. I think we owe it to them at least one of us shows up.

You got money for the bus.

Bus?

I'm taking the car. Huh?

(SCRAMBLING)

ERIC: Cory! Cory!

Hey! Hey! You can't take the car. You don't know how to drive!

Eric, what can happen? I lose control of the car and crash into, what,

the world's largest Slurpee?

Lay off my town.

(LAUGHING) Eric. You're still here.

Why wouldn't I be? We had a great night together, didn't we?

Yeah, we did.

I, um... I was thinking maybe you found someone more interesting

and I wasn't going to see you again.

Well, I think you're very interesting.

That makes me happy.

Uh, do you want to say hi to my friends?

They're real eager to meet you.

Oh, and the little hitchhiker boy is more than welcome to join us.

No, this is where the little hitchhiker boy says goodbye.

So, Eric, if you're staying, then there's nothing left to say except...

I'll be the one driving through the corn field.

Okay, fine, at least let me check to see if you have the right keys.

What a moron.

Well, you can take the keys, Eric,

but you can't take my freedom!

You don't have to worry about him.

Nobody in this town will pick him up.

Why?

Well, 'cause everyone in town is here.

Quaint. I like that.

What?

Well, that was nice. What was that for?

You're different from any guy I've ever met.

When you talk to me, you look in my eyes, and...

And what?

When I hear your voice, it sounds really smart,

and that makes me feel special.

Me, too.

So, any time you're ready to open up, I'm ready to listen.

I blame you.

What?

I blame you.

I only kept this job to take care of you,

you and the... And the, the...

Kids? Yeah, the kids.

I was just a bag boy who didn't have sense enough to leave.

And now that's what I am for the rest of my life.

Oh, Alan, what you do for a living is only a little of what you are.

It's not mostly what you are.

Well, then what am I, mostly?

Mostly...

You are a person that I love a whole lot.

And I want you to be happy.

Well, right now I am not happy settling for what I am.

What the hell are we looking at?

George... Hmm?

(CHUCKLES)

Do you hate your job or what?

No.

The only job I ever hated was that horrible job

as a bag boy at the supermarket.

I'm certainly glad I had the sense to get out of that after about a day.

You've been listening, haven't you?

(SIGHING) Voices carry.

Seriously, George, I mean, you've been a teacher all your life.

Do you still enjoy getting up in the morning?

Oh, Alan...

It would be very easy for me to tell you

that I have dedicated the last 38 years

to several thousand young minds,

and that is my chief joy and reason for getting up in the morning.

Except it isn't.

I teach because I like it.

And because it's fun for me.

Ah, but when it stops being fun?

Well, then I suppose I would look to my family and friends for support

to help me find something new.

Well, thank you, George. You've taught me something.

And it was fun for me.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I mean, who would possibly stop and pick me up

in the middle of rural Pennsylvania?

(HOOFBEATS)

Whoa! Young friend, how far art thou traveling?

Me? Yes, thee.

Uh, well, I'm going to Philadelphia.

Well, I'm going as far as... That farmhouse there.

That farmhouse there?

Yes.

That farmhouse there.

I see.

Well, I'm going to Philadelphia.

Well, I could take you as far as... That farmhouse there.

And that's very nice of you,

but maybe I'll just wait for some form of transportation that involves combustion.

I understand.

But if you change your mind, I'll be at...

That farmhouse there.

Yes, but you see, if that's as far as you're going,

then it does me no good.

That is true.

But my intent was just, and my heart is pure.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Also does me no good.

Frankly, that's the best darn pea soup I've ever had.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, it's the soup that brings you in,

but it's the pie keeps you here forever.

I was only three hours from home.

Oh. Oh!

That is delicious! What kind is this?

Pie.

Pie. Well, you know, with food this good,

you must have people lining up to get in here.

Truth is, we're probably going to have to close her down.

Irene?

I'm afraid it's true. I mean, ever since they built the new highway,

folks kind of just blow by this town.

You know, they wouldn't if they knew how good your soup and pie are.

I told you that.

Okay, now, I don't know if this is anything,

but when I was driving through Texas,

I started noticing all these signs advertising the world's best chili,

and, like, every mile, there would be another sign that would say, like,

"100 miles to the world's best chili."

"99 miles. 98 miles."

So by the time I finally got there,

I just had to have some of this chili. You see?

It's pie.

No, what Eric's saying is that we put signs up on our highway

chatting up our soup and pie.

(CHUCKLES) You're a real smart young man, Eric.

You think so?

Why, sure. Now, certainly a man of the world like yourself

feels more at ease in the big city,

but a guy like you could do pretty well in a town like ours.

You think so?

Maybe I will stay for a while.

Really? (DOOR CLOSING)

Yeah, you know, good woman, good friends, good pie.

I think I could be happy here for the rest of my life.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Eric.

Let's see, do you really think you could be happy here?

I'm already happy here, Cor.

These people have taken me in. They've made me feel important.

Back home, I'm just a loser who didn't get into college, but here,

(WHISPERS) I could be king.

Well, congratulations.

I'll just tell Mom and Dad. I know they'll be so proud. I know I am.

I'm the prince of Sprinkle Land.

Hey. Soup and pie for everybody. The new guy's buying.

Oh, man, this is good pie.

I was three hours from home.

Dad!

Cory!

Don't eat the pie. You'll never leave.

Where is he?

Oh, His Royal Highness? I believe he's holding court over there.

Eric.

Dad! Hey!

Dad, these are the guys, and this is Irene.

Hi. Nice to meet you, Irene.

Guys.

Uh, Eric, your mother and I decided that you were responsible enough

to take your brother on the road for two months.

Now, is this the way you thank us?

I was going to call you in the morning and let you know my plans.

I'll tell you your plans. You're going to get in your car

and follow me home without stopping anywhere.

Now. Come on.

Um, actually, I'd rather stay here with Irene and the guys.

Maybe we better do this in private.

So, there's a lot of opportunity for a guy like me in this town?

Well, I could use a nurse.

Now, why don't you tell me what this is really about?

I don't think you'd understand.

Try me.

I don't see the point in going back home.

Why not?

Because there's nothing there for me, Dad.

I mean, I went to nursery school, grammar school, high school, for what?

I mean, I didn't get into college.

Everything I've done up until now has been a waste,

and it's just too late to change who I am.

Uh-huh.

See, I knew you wouldn't understand.

Hey, no, no, no, listen. This is something I understand real well.

I mean, it's very easy to find some place that's comfortable and just

stay there.

(SCOFFS) Now, what's wrong with being comfortable?

I mean, I think I could do pretty well settling in a place like this.

But that's it, Eric!

That's all you'd be doing, just settling.

And over the years, you'd try and convince yourself

that that's the life you really wanted, but you don't.

I mean, you just stumbled into it, and you'll never love it.

And one day, you'll realize that all you've done is settle,

and you will not like yourself for that.

I don't like myself now, Dad.

What am I even going home to?

To the support of your family and friends

who'll help you find what you really want.

I'm afraid to go home.

Eric, you never have to be afraid to go home.

How are you so sure?

Because he's Dad.

Yeah.

That's mostly what I am.

Let's go.

They're up and on their way down.

I told them you made blueberry pancakes.

I didn't make blueberry pancakes.

Oh, they're lucky we let them live here.

Topanga, are you and Cory going to kiss?

Morgan, I think that's very personal and we shouldn't talk about it.

Come on, just between us girls.

Right on the lips.

Topanga, he's not going to have time for you.

The man has been gone for two months and we have so much catching up to do,

he's not even going to know you exist.

Shawn! Cory!

(LAUGHING) Hey! Hey!

Good summer? Great summer.

Lot of stories? Lot of stories.

You miss me? I missed you.

We still best friends? The best there ever were.

Good.

You see?

You see?

Hey, I'm talking to you!

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