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1
00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:03,893
Good morning, pumpkin.
2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,565
I've been up since 6:00!
3
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,006
Nice mess.
4
00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:10,339
It's my biggest.
5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,972
Friday. I love Friday.
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,539
Soon I'm gonna be home
for the whole weekend.
7
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:18,483
Friday. I hate Friday.
8
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,851
Soon you're gonna be home
for the whole weekend.
9
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:23,652
- Oh, you love me.
- oh, you wish.
10
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,126
Ahh, good morning.
11
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,060
Let me give you
a weekend weather update.
12
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:31,121
Whether or not I have a date
with Cindy this weekend...
13
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,428
depends on how partly cool
I am in school today.
14
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,560
There is a definite Vicki front
moving in this Saturday...
15
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,365
and temperatures
are expected to rise.
16
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:40,066
Cooling off by 10:00,
when you're expected to be home.
17
00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:41,301
Oh, Mom, we both know...
18
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,808
how unpredictable
the weather can be.
19
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,310
Don't mess With Mother Nature.
20
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:45,834
I'll be home by 10:00.
21
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:49,371
Hey, Mom,
where's my blue sugar moons?
22
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,646
Where's my marshmallow
teddy bears?
23
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,414
This cereal's bogus.
24
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:56,354
It's full of hamster food
and corn flake dust.
25
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,914
Where's all the good stuff?
26
00:00:57,958 --> 00:00:58,982
Morgan?
27
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:01,551
She took out
all the good stuff.
28
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,620
I've been up since 6:00!
29
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:08,124
Morgan, all this is
is sugar-coated... sugar.
30
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:11,035
I'm feeling very perky.
31
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,005
Why don't we go up
to your room, honey?
32
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,975
How come? How come? How come?
How come? How come?
33
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,476
Because if we leave
right away...
34
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,809
we might make it to your bed
before the coma.
35
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:22,906
Coma? Coma?
Coma, coma, coma.
36
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:25,748
I've been up since 6:00!
37
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,653
Can't hold your sugar,
you shouldn't do breakfast.
38
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:31,920
Don't waste this, honey.
Have her paint the house.
39
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:32,948
Hey, Dad.
40
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,460
Good morning, Cory.
41
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:35,620
Hi, Eric.
42
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:38,062
Hello, Brooks Robinson
deep pocket...
43
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,725
Fielder's Choice model.
44
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:43,429
How are you feeling today,
all warm and broken in?
45
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,267
You know, Dad,
most people put their gloves...
46
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,533
under the mattress
to break them in.
47
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:47,972
Well, most people
don't have a glove...
48
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:50,067
that they broke in
25 years ago, Eric.
49
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,273
See, now, with this baby,
you baste it with Glovolium...
50
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,871
and you bake it
in a slow oven...
51
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,713
till the web's ready to
snap shut on any line drive...
52
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,878
that comes near
third base tomorrow.
53
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,184
The father/son softball game.
54
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:03,519
Has it been a year already?
55
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:04,819
Can you believe it?
56
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,189
- Uh-uh.
- No.
57
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,160
Who are you playing
this year, Dad?
58
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:11,631
Me? It's not about
me playing. It's us.
59
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,656
The game's nothing
without you guys.
60
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:14,667
Hey, that's nice.
61
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:15,861
Isn't that nice?
62
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:17,267
Yeah, that's nice.
63
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,703
You'll be thrilled
to know...
64
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,900
that the Market Giant Juggernaut
is gonna steamroll...
65
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,432
over the Unicorn
Rainbow Bookstore.
66
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,001
What, that new-age place?
67
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,479
Yeah. Why don't they
just give us the trophy?
68
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:30,005
I mean, these guys are
much too zen for baseball.
69
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,041
I mean, these are people
with inner peace...
70
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,315
and spiritual tranquillity.
71
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,379
Let's kill 'em.
72
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:39,517
The father/son softball game.
73
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,254
Has it been a year already?
74
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,159
Can you believe it?
75
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,891
- Uh-uh.
- No.
76
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,758
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
77
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:49,160
ALL: And to the republic
for which it stands...
78
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,858
one nation, under God...
79
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,263
indivisible...
80
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,292
with liberty
and justice for all.
81
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,304
Miss Lawrence,
I couldn't help noticing...
82
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,636
that you didn't recite
the Pledge of Allegiance...
83
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,641
this morning.
84
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,200
Yes, sir. I elected not to.
85
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,178
Why was that?
86
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,647
I didn't feel like it.
87
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,150
This is gonna be cool.
88
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,152
What was that,
Mr. Matthews?
89
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:16,781
Uh, I said, this is
gonna be cool, Mr. Feeny.
90
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,881
Why?
91
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:21,883
'Cause you're finally gonna
nail Topanga for being weird.
92
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:27,732
Do you think it's weird
to engage in social protest?
93
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,599
I think it's weird
to pick on me...
94
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:33,470
when she didn't say
the pledge of allegiance.
95
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,504
Well, Mr. Matthews...
96
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,376
it seems that
you and Miss Lawrence...
97
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:43,041
have opposing positions
for this morning's debate.
98
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,448
Uh-oh.
99
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,078
You been set up, bud.
100
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,920
Mr. Feeny told you
not to say the pledge?
101
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:51,981
Ohh.
102
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,186
Today's social studies
discussions...
103
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:55,717
American traditions...
104
00:04:55,762 --> 00:05:00,699
the Pledge of Allegiance
versus social protest.
105
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,328
Mr. Matthews,
defend old Glory.
106
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:06,430
Miss Lawrence,
defend the right to dissent.
107
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:11,635
Just because it's a tradition
doesn't mean you have to do it.
108
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,543
But it's the Pledge
of Allegiance.
109
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,411
It takes, like,
ten seconds to say.
110
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:17,848
Why can't you just say it
and make everyone happy?
111
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:20,546
Because if I'm forced
to do it just because...
112
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,555
it's some tradition
I don't understand...
113
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,989
then it doesn't
make me happy.
114
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,050
Can you spell...
115
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:29,084
peculiar?
116
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,460
Oh, and you're normal?
117
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,328
You talk to a flag
every day...
118
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,094
and you don't even know
what you're saying.
119
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,601
But I do it.
120
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:38,103
I do it because
I'm supposed to do it.
121
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:40,902
And that's what makes me
a great American.
122
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:43,466
[HUMMING
"GLORY, GLORY, HALLELUJAH"]
123
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,478
That's what makes
this country great.
124
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,412
That flag.
125
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,381
Because that flag
gives us the right...
126
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,350
to have this discussion.
127
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:54,376
And this discussion is the most
important discussion...
128
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,854
we will ever have, and...
129
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:56,856
[BELL RINGS]
130
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,380
Out of here!
131
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,429
Parents don't understand...
132
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,491
how important
the weekend is, you know?
133
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,332
Yeah. Like there's not
enough pressure on us...
134
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,031
being in the sixth grade
all week.
135
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,939
And then they want us to
do stuff on our only days off.
136
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,934
Only three days till Monday.
137
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,038
Minkus, I'm sure that if
you check your ticket stub...
138
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,606
you'll see that your seat
is in the goon section.
139
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:27,814
I'm just leaving my tray here
while I get an apple, oK?
140
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,823
I mean, my weekends
are jam-packed.
141
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,415
I have no spare time.
142
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,757
Minkus left
his hamburger here.
143
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:37,490
I get up saturday morning
and I watch "X-Men."
144
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:41,489
It's very hard for me to be
alone with Minkus's hamburger.
145
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:44,002
My next stop
is the comic book store.
146
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,005
Especially when
it's just sitting there...
147
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,802
begging for more salt.
148
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,077
Then in the afternoon,
I hang with you.
149
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,672
I don't know if this is...
150
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,183
a personality disorder
with me or what.
151
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,778
Then it's home for
Saturday night pizza night.
152
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:04,779
But I'm just never happy unless
I'm doing stuff like this.
153
00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,883
And then it's four hours
of video games...
154
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,053
and it's a good night.
155
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,925
I don't mean
just a little happy.
156
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,191
Where's a spare minute?
157
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:15,793
I mean I'll have this moment
and know it was a good day.
158
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:19,032
I can't take the pressure
of a father/son softball game.
159
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,039
Oh, I hate those.
160
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,802
They take it so seriously.
161
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,775
I know. My dad
always screams and yells...
162
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,675
like it's the most important
thing in the world.
163
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,179
And they always get injured.
164
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,737
To us it's only a game.
165
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:32,240
To them it's a guest shot
on "Rescue 911."
166
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,946
The trouble With fathers is...
167
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,080
they sometimes try
to live vicariously...
168
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,851
through their children.
169
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:41,486
OK, Minkus.
That's enough quality time.
170
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,792
Take your little hamburger
and go to your table.
171
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:47,231
Hey, did you do anything
to my hamburger?
172
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,962
Yeah. Sure.
173
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:52,699
Like doing something to his
hamburger gives me my jollies.
174
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,134
Look, guys.
Shaquille o'Neal.
175
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,668
BoTH: ooh, where?
176
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:05,017
Gee, I guess
we just missed him.
177
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,383
Hey, Minkus,
isn't that Stephen Hawking?
178
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,546
Where?
179
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,722
Oh, darn. I missed him, too.
180
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,057
Well, see ya.
181
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:20,689
Why do they think
he's so much smarter than us?
182
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,695
Because he is, isn't he?
183
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,621
He's out there
practicing for tomorrow.
184
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,632
- We're trapped.
- What are we gonna do?
185
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:54,826
There's no way out.
186
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,335
MOM: Out of what?
187
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,132
That's Mom.
188
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,661
Yes, it is.
189
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,367
We're gonna have
to tell her.
190
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,966
Yes, we are.
191
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:07,605
Mom, we don't want to play
in the father/son softball game.
192
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,172
Why is this my problem?
193
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,241
Look, I think what
my-less-than-tactful...
194
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,877
little brother
is trying to say...
195
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,378
is that these father/son
softball games are...
196
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,891
Not real exciting for you.
197
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,085
- Right.
- Right.
198
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,991
So you understand
what we're saying.
199
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,893
I understand that
neither one of you...
200
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,558
is willing to give up a couple
of hours on a Saturday...
201
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:29,363
For something your father's
really looking forward to doing.
202
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,893
I'm really looking forward
to my date with Vicki tomorrow.
203
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,428
I mean, why should
I give that up?
204
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,304
Hey, Mom,
why don't you play?
205
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,467
Yeah.
206
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,478
Look, if this was
a husband/wife softball game...
207
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,979
believe me, I'd be there.
208
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,982
But it's not, thank God.
209
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,007
It's a father/son game.
210
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:49,249
Look, we're just asking you
to get us off the hook.
211
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,018
No. This is your hook...
212
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:55,460
and you're gonna hang on it
like the worms you are.
213
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,896
Mom, you're not walking out
on us for good, are you?
214
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,230
I'm going to the bank.
Your heartless father...
215
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,394
asked me to deposit
his paycheck...
216
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,030
so we could pay the bills.
oh, the nerve.
217
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:07,198
Where are you going?
I want to go with you.
218
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,366
Where are you going?
219
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,205
No, honey. There's
long lines at the bank...
220
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,642
and there's
no place to sit.
221
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,942
It'd be a lot easier for me
and more fun for you...
222
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,380
if you stayed here
and played with your toys.
223
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,884
I'm going to the bank
with Mommy.
224
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,652
OK, Eric. You're older.
225
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,659
I'm counting on you
to get us out of this.
226
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,285
- I can do it.
- I know you can.
227
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,296
- I've got it.
- I knew you could!
228
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,298
Look, it's
the father/son game, right?
229
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,562
Not the father/sons game.
230
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:35,568
A loophole.
231
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,263
Only one of us has to go.
232
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,498
Ring, ring.
233
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:40,597
Hello?
234
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,108
It's the governor.
We're saved!
235
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,542
You're a genius!
236
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,067
Yes, I am. Hey,
good luck at the game.
237
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,807
Remember,
when all Dad's friends...
238
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:50,042
go up and tousle your hair
and call you "tiger"...
239
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,176
here's what a sincere
smile looks like.
240
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:58,786
Time out, tooth boy.
Why do I have to go?
241
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,292
Look, Cory, I'd go...
242
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,453
but what if Dad and I started
talking about golf...
243
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,292
talked about how someone
broke his driver...
244
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,922
in the backyard
hittin' rocks with it?
245
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:07,057
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
246
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,067
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
247
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,569
OK, fine. I'm gonna go.
248
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,265
But wait. What if Dad
starts joking around...
249
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,967
about how nervous he is
that you're getting...
250
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,600
your driver's license
next year?
251
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,167
I'd have to calm
him down by saying...
252
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,008
"Eric's driven your car
around the block...
253
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,707
"a thousand times,
and nothing's ever happened."
254
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:22,715
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
255
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:23,716
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
256
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:27,413
- You wouldn't.
- What are you, new?
257
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:28,545
Look, I'm not going.
258
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:29,612
Well, I'm not, either.
259
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:31,681
I guess the only fair way
is to let Dad decide.
260
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:32,691
- Fine.
- Fine.
261
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,556
May the best excuse win.
262
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:35,925
- Dad!
- Dad!
263
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:39,420
[BOTH SHOUTING AT ONCE]
264
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,433
Hey, stop, stop, stop, stop.
265
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:44,300
Start all over again...
this time in English.
266
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,862
[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]
267
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,669
Whoa, whoa. No, try again.
268
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,336
One at a time. You first.
269
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,345
Look, Dad, I can't play in
the softball game tomorrow.
270
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,540
See, Vicki and I have this
really important project...
271
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,243
due next week, and, well,
we've had...
272
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,444
this study date planned
since, like, 1942...
273
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:02,010
- What subject?
- Science.
274
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,317
You're not in the same class.
275
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,916
We have identical projects
due on the same day, oK?
276
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,358
Oh, amazing coincidence.
277
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,917
Isn't it? Look, anyway...
278
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,862
I'm supposed to meet her
at the library tomorrow...
279
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,023
Meet her on Sunday.
280
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,430
The library's closed sunday.
281
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,161
Not anymore.
They changed the hours.
282
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:16,691
Guys, I got
to tell you something.
283
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,567
Dad, unbelievably,
my left leg...
284
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,197
has to be tested
for radon tomorrow.
285
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,208
I just got a phone call.
286
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,709
Yeah, it's probably nothing...
287
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,711
but I'm the last guy
to endanger my family...
288
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,076
and the testing's free.
289
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,206
The game has been canceled.
290
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,841
And I told them,
"Take the leg off...
291
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:35,377
"because, darn it, I got
a softball game with my dad!"
292
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,049
They couldn't generate
enough interest.
293
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,058
That stinks.
294
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,150
Yeah, I was psyched.
295
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:41,455
Ah, don't worry about it.
296
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,689
There'll be other games.
297
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,457
Hey, is the library
really open on Sunday?
298
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,762
How do I know?
299
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,359
Not bad.
300
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,038
So, how was your weekend?
301
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,171
Ah, one of
the all-time greats.
302
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,841
I slept in,
I Watched TV...
303
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,146
I relaxed,
I played video games.
304
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:07,652
And Sunday, I took it easy.
305
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,348
Hi, Cory.
306
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,552
Hey, look who just
beamed down.
307
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,150
Hi, Topanga.
308
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,024
I missed you
at the game Saturday.
309
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,029
What game?
310
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:20,032
Your father's grocery store
against my father's bookstore.
311
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:23,558
Uh, Topanga, in this dimension,
there was no game.
312
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,628
Yes, there was. I played.
313
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:28,232
Topanga,
that game was canceled.
314
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,401
You wish.
We were killing you...
315
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,206
until your father's
assistant manager...
316
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,213
tried to throw the ball home
from center field...
317
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,714
and sprained his elbow.
318
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,909
The ambulance had to come
and take him away.
319
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:40,544
There's always an ambulance.
320
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:44,044
My father told me
that game was called off.
321
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,580
Well, it wasn't.
322
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,091
What's the big deal?
Maybe your dad...
323
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,652
just didn't feel
like playing.
324
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,188
Maybe he didn't feel
like playing alone.
325
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,893
[MUSIC PLAYING]
326
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,405
[SIGHS] OK. I'm here. What?
327
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,739
Mom, this is bad.
328
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:06,438
Look, there was a father/son
softball game on Saturday.
329
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,878
Oh, shocker.
330
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:09,643
You know?
331
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:10,671
She knows.
332
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:14,118
I don't get it. Why'd Dad
tell us the game was canceled?
333
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:15,381
Gee, guys, I'm not sure.
334
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,981
Did you give him any indication
that you didn't want to play?
335
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,514
- No way.
- No way.
336
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,221
- We were completely cool.
- Completely cool.
337
00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:24,320
- He knew immediately.
- He knows everything.
338
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,093
Obviously he picked up
on the fact...
339
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,463
that you didn't want to play...
340
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,161
and he's the one
who let you off the hook.
341
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,692
Worms.
342
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,795
We're worms.
343
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,863
We made our father feel bad.
344
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,840
Mom, can you
get us out of this?
345
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,365
You know,
for old times' sake?
346
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,968
Hmm. Can't.
347
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:40,911
The fat lady has sung
and gone home.
348
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:43,006
She's in her kitchen
eating cheesecake.
349
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,482
Come on, Mom.
350
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,417
We made our father feel bad.
351
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:49,353
Well, he's a big boy.
He'll get over it...
352
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,552
But hopefully you guys learned
something for the next time.
353
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,560
I have. I really have.
354
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,994
Good. Then you
get over it, too.
355
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,793
I can't get over it.
356
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,697
I'll never get over it.
357
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,759
Dad really wanted to play,
and he knew we didn't...
358
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,668
so he dumped the game for us.
359
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,764
It's like
"The Gift of the Magi"...
360
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,401
except we didn't
get him anything.
361
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,570
Are we bad sons, Eric?
362
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,307
Right now we are.
363
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,042
I don't feel so good.
364
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,778
I have appendicitis.
365
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,651
That's not your appendix,
that's your heart.
366
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:24,121
I have ahearticitis.
367
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,160
[BANGING]
368
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,797
Mr. Matthews. Mr. Matthews.
Leonard Spinelli.
369
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,167
I work for your father
down at the grocery store.
370
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,569
We know who you are, Lenny.
371
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,629
We're the ones
that called you.
372
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,971
Yeah, I know.
And it was a rare treat...
373
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,943
but, since you never
called me before...
374
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:46,604
I thought I'd give
you one last chance...
375
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,375
to make sure
you got the right guy.
376
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:50,177
Did you get the stuff
we asked you for?
377
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,205
Yes, I did.
378
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,377
Then we got the right guy.
379
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:55,387
OK, let's see.
Ground chuck.
380
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,616
Hamburger buns.
381
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:59,852
You may be wondering
how I sprained my elbow.
382
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,417
Lenny, we know you got hurt
at the softball game.
383
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,588
What game?
384
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,563
You're not supposed
to know about the game.
385
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:09,864
I hurt myself getting out
of a turtleneck that shrunk.
386
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,597
We know about the game, Lenny.
387
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,867
Just don't let Dad know
we know about the game.
388
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,066
Yeah.
389
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,371
Oh, boy. oK, let's recap.
390
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,503
Your father says
there was no game...
391
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,706
but knows there was one.
You know there was a game...
392
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,715
but you don't want
your father to know you know.
393
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:26,047
Well, let me ask you this...
don't you think he knows...
394
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:29,885
you know he knows you know
you know he knows, you know?
395
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:32,891
You got to excuse me,
I'm on painkillers.
396
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,825
Root beer.
397
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,590
Pickles and chips.
398
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,028
You know, this is
the first occasion...
399
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,861
I've ever done myself
physical damage...
400
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,196
that I can remember.
401
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,462
Ketchup.
402
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,470
Of course, I can remember
many occasions...
403
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,371
when I've done myself
vast emotional damage.
404
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:49,271
Pimento loaf?
405
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:50,741
Did We ask for this?
406
00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:53,301
No, but I threw that in
'cause I really love it.
407
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,677
What?
408
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:55,874
Now we got everything we need...
409
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,247
for that all-guy party
you described.
410
00:16:58,284 --> 00:16:59,251
Lenny...
411
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:00,616
About that party, Lenny. See...
412
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,985
Vast emotional damage.
413
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,820
We'd be delighted
if you could attend.
414
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,587
Thank you.
Delighted to be here.
415
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,061
I'll go turn off my car.
416
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,696
Is this the best time
you could ever have?
417
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,702
Just cooking burgers
in the backyard...
418
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,135
Dad and his boys...
419
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,400
And his dad's
assistant manager.
420
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:21,963
Time of my life.
421
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:25,842
I'd applaud, but I'd pass out.
422
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,939
Salad's done.
423
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,849
Good-looking salad.
Real men need a salad...
424
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,409
they can eat
with their hands.
425
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:37,616
Yeah, you just pick it up
and dunk it in the dressing.
426
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:38,988
Ah, no dirty dishes...
427
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,549
No napkins, no utensils...
428
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:43,721
When we're finished,
we just hose down the porch.
429
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,196
Man meal. End of story.
430
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:48,200
Boy, you guys know
how to have a good time.
431
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,599
Someday,
when I have a family...
432
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:51,034
I'm gonna have a good time.
433
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,698
Unless my wife divorces me
and my kids hate me...
434
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,297
because she poisoned them
against me...
435
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:57,332
and I have to send
my entire weekly paycheck...
436
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:59,207
to support
the blood-sucking leeches...
437
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:02,703
while I live
in squalor and despair.
438
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,239
Did I mention
I'm on painkillers?
439
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,982
Root beers all around?
440
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,818
Oh, right.
We're having fun now.
441
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,414
You having a good time, Dad?
442
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:14,358
Hey, great.
What could be better?
443
00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:15,951
Yeah. What could be better?
444
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:16,962
Yeah.
445
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,590
- Could I see you?
- Yeah.
446
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:24,867
He hates it.
447
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,667
He doesn't hate it.
He's having a nice time.
448
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,571
Nice isn't
good enough, Eric.
449
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,940
Remember how psyched he was
about the softball game?
450
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,342
That Was the time
he Wanted.
451
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:34,141
He wanted one lousy
softball game...
452
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,340
and we didn't give it to him.
453
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:36,507
We gave him dinner.
454
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,107
We gave him dinner...
455
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:41,677
which he's given us, what,
only every night of our lives.
456
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,155
We thought it would be
such a big deal.
457
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,181
I guess we should've
just given him the game.
458
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:49,422
Yeah. We should've just
stepped up to the plate...
459
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,794
and said, "I pledge
allegiance to my dad"...
460
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,924
and swung for that
game-winning home run.
461
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,900
Think that would've
been better than tonight?
462
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:56,959
Hey, you guys.
463
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,493
Come out and get
some pimento loaf.
464
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,334
I just noticed
the expiration date.
465
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,972
Oh, yeah.
Much better than tonight.
466
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,649
All right, class, when we were
last in social studies...
467
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,744
We were addressing
the issue of social dissent.
468
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,254
Miss Lawrence?
469
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:18,848
I've thought over my position,
Mr. Feeny.
470
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,689
And not only do I not want to
say the Pledge of Allegiance...
471
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:24,628
but I also do not want
to wear shoes.
472
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,691
We who sit behind you object.
473
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:32,568
Mr. Matthews, you were
a pro-pledger as I recall.
474
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,130
Yeah, I was,
but I thought it over.
475
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,836
Oh? You've changed
your position?
476
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,608
No. I haven't,
but I can argue it better now.
477
00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:45,515
Really? Well, then,
the floor is yours.
478
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,816
At first, I thought
we should just say it...
479
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,418
because it was a tradition,
and it's the flag...
480
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:57,122
but now I think it's dumb...
481
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,358
to do something and not know
why you do it.
482
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:02,890
And what conclusion
has that led you to?
483
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,403
That if there's something
you care about...
484
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:08,737
like the country you live in
or the father you have...
485
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:12,266
then allegiance,
which means...
486
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,779
"Noun. Loyalty or devotion
to a government...
487
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,180
"or a group or a person."
488
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,049
Allegiance is something
you should show.
489
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:23,487
So, then you believe
that you should respect...
490
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:25,513
the traditions
of that government...
491
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,287
or group or person.
492
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,351
Yeah. I should've.
493
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,521
Or teacher?
494
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,587
[BELL RINGS]
495
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,611
Or a teacher.
496
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:06,588
Why aren't you guys asleep?
497
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:08,122
We couldn't sleep, Dad.
498
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,032
We got something
on our minds.
499
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,900
Yeah, and it's really
dragging us down.
500
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,564
Oh, come on, guys.
Forget it.
501
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,234
You threw me a barbecue.
We're even.
502
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,209
No. We're way past that guilt.
503
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:21,475
We never found out the score
of the father/son softball game.
504
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,641
Oh, well, we got creamed.
505
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:24,808
18-3.
506
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:28,115
You let those sandal-wearing,
crystal-packing...
507
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:31,123
brown rice-eating veg heads
walk all over you?
508
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,057
[LAUGHS]
Hey, I wasn't even there.
509
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:34,559
Well, whose fault
is that?
510
00:21:34,593 --> 00:21:35,617
Yours.
511
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:38,152
- No, it isn't.
- oh, it isn't?
512
00:21:38,197 --> 00:21:40,222
No. Because traditionally...
513
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:42,461
it's the son's part of the game
to not want to go.
514
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:45,197
And it's the father's part
of the game to make us go.
515
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,363
You didn't make us go.
516
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:47,599
You didn't play the game.
517
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,631
You broke
the tradition, Dad.
518
00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:51,370
And I figure
that's why we lost.
519
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:52,570
You do?
520
00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:55,045
Yeah, but seeing as
we're bucking tradition...
521
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,672
why do we have to wait
a whole year...
522
00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:58,114
to play another
father/son game?
523
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,745
Yeah. How about we challenge
the Unicorn Rainbow Bookstore...
524
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:04,051
to another game right now?
525
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,056
Well, uh,
I am free next weekend.
526
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:12,120
- So are we.
- No matter what we're doing.
527
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,223
All right. We got a game.
528
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:15,290
We got a game.
529
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,268
We got a game.
530
00:22:19,205 --> 00:22:21,070
- Oh, Dad...
- Hmm?
531
00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:23,097
- On one condition.
- What?
532
00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:24,837
- Lose the doll.
- Yeah.
533
00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:35,478
Yes! Victory!
534
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:37,989
Carnivores 36,
Brussels Sprouts 9.
535
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,617
Hut hut!
536
00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:42,991
And here's
the game-winning father now.
537
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,518
Great slide
into home, Dad.
538
00:22:44,563 --> 00:22:46,258
Hey, high five.
539
00:22:46,298 --> 00:22:47,492
All right.
540
00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,228
Yeah, that was
a great game.
541
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:52,431
I had a terrific time.
I can't wait till next year.
542
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:54,132
Ah, you don't have to.
That's the best part.
543
00:22:54,173 --> 00:22:56,334
Yeah, the bookstore wants to go
best two out of three.
544
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,706
We got a rematch next week.
545
00:22:57,743 --> 00:22:59,711
Hey, that's nice.
546
00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:01,508
Isn't that nice?
547
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:03,481
Yeah, that's nice????????????????????????????????????????????????
548
00:23:03,531 --> 00:23:08,081
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