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1
00:00:05,620 --> 00:00:08,250
You've got to feel sorry
for Sergeant Hogg.
2
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,930
Lost an eye, poor fucker.
3
00:00:10,980 --> 00:00:14,330
But on the plus side,
half-price sunglasses.
4
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,090
And the Annual Wedge
fancy-dress ball,
5
00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:18,370
he can always go dressed as a pirate.
6
00:00:18,420 --> 00:00:21,610
Maybe he could get a bionic
eye, see through walls?
7
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:23,330
Oh, that'd be fucking mint!
8
00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:26,970
Still, he's got his crown jewels.
What more does he want?
9
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,770
It may be your dream to have
more balls than eyes, Mac,
10
00:00:29,820 --> 00:00:31,930
but maybe Sergeant Hogg would have...
11
00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:34,660
EXPLOSION
12
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,500
'Bluestone 42.
13
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,740
'Bluestone 42, respond.'
14
00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:29,250
COUGHING
15
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:32,140
MUFFLED: Skip? Skip?
16
00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:38,660
Skip, you OK? Skip?
17
00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:46,810
Zero Alpha this is... Oh,
shit. The antenna's fucked!
18
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:50,330
~ Skip? Skip?
~ UNMUFFLED: GET OFF ME!
19
00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:53,120
You're bleeding, you fucking numpty!
20
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:58,650
Oh, God, I'm bleeding!
Man down! Man down!
21
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,820
Medic! Oh, I'm hurt.
22
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:05,060
Oh, actually... Actually,
it's not that bad.
23
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:10,330
Oh, it's... No, that's
stopped. I'll be fine.
24
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,090
I am fine.
25
00:02:12,140 --> 00:02:15,930
Thanks for that reverse panic attack,
Simon. Is anyone else hurt?
26
00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:18,930
~ Bird? Towerblock?
~ I'm OK. ~ Fine.
27
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:22,090
I'm fine. And I told you,
don't fucking call me Legs.
28
00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:24,490
~ So what is your name?
~ It's Private Leggatt.
29
00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:27,410
You're not helping yourself.
How are we in the cab?
30
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:29,570
~ All right.
~ Fine.
31
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:31,490
OK, so we're all OK.
32
00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:33,170
No, we're not!
33
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,330
I've lost all my Haribo.
34
00:02:35,380 --> 00:02:37,320
Bloody hell, Rocket!
35
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,450
'Hello, Bluestone 42.
36
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,290
'This is Zero, respond. Over.'
37
00:02:44,340 --> 00:02:48,490
I'm fucking trying. Radio's fucked.
38
00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:50,940
CHATTERING
39
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:55,620
OK, everyone, shut up! Breathe.
40
00:02:56,780 --> 00:02:59,530
Legs, I want you to tell the
other vehicles we're all OK
41
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,250
but we're going to give
it a 30-minute soak.
42
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:05,370
Everyone's OK, 30-minute soak.
43
00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:09,010
Guys, this is our lucky day.
44
00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:11,210
~ Bollocks!
~ CHATTERING
45
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:16,410
No, no, listen. We all survived.
Now, that's lucky.
46
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:20,330
We have tweaked the nose of death
47
00:03:20,380 --> 00:03:23,130
and we have lived to tell the tale.
48
00:03:23,180 --> 00:03:24,410
Bollocks we have.
49
00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:26,450
The mastiff's designed
with a V-shaped hull,
50
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,010
shock mounted seating...
51
00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:31,130
You are not listening, Towerblock.
52
00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:33,090
OK, the main thing is
no-one's really hurt
53
00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:35,290
and we all got a lovely
burst of adrenaline.
54
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,380
Ooh, found one.
55
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:40,220
No, I haven't.
56
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,490
~ Ah!
~ THEY LAUGH
57
00:03:44,540 --> 00:03:46,610
Towerblock, what the fuck?
58
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:47,930
It's just a game, boss.
59
00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:50,810
~ What's it called, Punching
People In The Head? ~ You've heard of it?
60
00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:52,930
You take it in turns to punch
each other in the head
61
00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:54,370
when they're not expecting it.
62
00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:56,930
I had the punch, I punched
Mac, now Mac has the punch.
63
00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:58,690
~ Can I play?
~ Aye.
64
00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:01,260
~ Ow!
~ HE LAUGHS ~ OK...
65
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,740
Stop it now.
66
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,810
And thank you, Towerblock, for
introducing my infantry escort
67
00:04:09,860 --> 00:04:14,930
to this charming game, particularly
at this tactically low-risk moment.
68
00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:19,650
OK, so, we had a close call
but, balls on the table...
69
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:21,970
~ Uh!
~ ... this was my fault. ~ Oh, come on, boss.
70
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:23,610
There's no way you
could have known...
71
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:25,530
No. We know this is a
blind spot, we should've
72
00:04:25,580 --> 00:04:28,090
barma-ed the road but I'm going
to get us all back to base
73
00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:30,050
like a bunch of fucking legends.
74
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,490
Ah! Got ye.
75
00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:34,330
~ What?
~ Back to base like a bunch of fucking legends
76
00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:36,130
and the padre will be all over you.
77
00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,770
"Ooh, you're my hero.
78
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:41,890
"Come to my bosom. In fact,
come on my bosom. Oh!"
79
00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:44,770
Oi! Mac, show some respect.
She's a major,
80
00:04:44,820 --> 00:04:46,490
she's a padre, she's a decent woman.
81
00:04:46,540 --> 00:04:49,210
Ah! So you've finally fucked her?
82
00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:50,620
What?
83
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,530
~ No.
~ You gave her one. You feel bad about it,
84
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,730
so suddenly she's a decent woman.
85
00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:59,170
Yeah, well, I haven't,
actually, so... I haven't.
86
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:02,290
Bird, has he fucked
the padre? Yes or no.
87
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:05,530
~ No.
~ There you go, fucked her, QED.
88
00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:08,850
~ Did you really?
~ Oh, right, thanks a bunch, Bird.
89
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:11,930
I fucking said "no"!
He totally has though.
90
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:13,530
Holy shit, boss!
91
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:16,850
~ I hope this doesn't compromise
the pastoral care. ~ All right, enough.
92
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,770
MASTIFF CREAKS
93
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,570
And you know what? I could
do worse than Mary.
94
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:26,620
I HAVE done worse,
I've done a lot worse.
95
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,170
Not you, Bird.
96
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:31,850
I didn't mean to look at you when...
97
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,330
ANYWAY, we've got to get to safety.
98
00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:39,490
I can't believe you, you know,
had sexual intercourse with her.
99
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,250
You know what?
100
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,890
I think that Mary
and I might actually
101
00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:45,210
~ have a fucking future together.
~ I mean, this is huge.
102
00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:46,650
That's what she said!
103
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,650
Er, it's not that huge.
104
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,890
Yes, all right. I said "enough"!
105
00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:53,690
Right, now, because there
is a high chance of ambush,
106
00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:56,130
we're going to do everything
in the right order, yeah?
107
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:57,890
So we don't all get,
you know, killed.
108
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:01,530
So, 30-minute soak,
relax, spin some dits.
109
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:06,210
Yes. Take a moment
to smell the roses...
110
00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:08,610
whatever that smell is.
111
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,650
Yeah, and also let's not just
walk out into an ambush.
112
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:14,250
So, here's the plan.
What we're going to...
113
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:17,010
MASTIFF CREAKS
114
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:21,330
~ Shit!
~ Boss? Nick? Nick? Shit.
115
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:23,290
Nick! Nick!
116
00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:25,090
~ Slap him, wake him up.
~ Shut up, Mac.
117
00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:27,970
Thought you'd want to slap him after
what he said about the padre.
118
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:30,130
It's fucking serious.
OK. We need to move him,
119
00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:33,050
get him into the recovery
position, check his airways.
120
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,650
~ Grab his legs, Simon.
~ Easy, easy, easy!
121
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,610
OK, there's a medic in the Jackal.
122
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:40,050
We search our way over...
123
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,290
Hang about, what happened to
wait here, 30-minute soak time?
124
00:06:43,340 --> 00:06:45,130
He needs a medic, numbnuts.
125
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:46,330
He's breathing.
126
00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:48,770
Oh, thank you, Dr Fuckwit MD.
127
00:06:48,820 --> 00:06:50,770
~ Get those doors open now!
~ Don't!
128
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,250
Excuse me, I'm in charge here.
129
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:55,050
I'm just doing what the boss
said and I'm number two so...
130
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:56,640
Number two.
131
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:02,450
~ Number twos are jobbies.
~ I was Acting Sergeant
132
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:05,050
but turned down promotion to
stay with this bunch of twats.
133
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,650
That was quite touching, actually.
134
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,770
All right, then. Act like a
sergeant. Think about your men.
135
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,610
What happens when we get out there?
136
00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:15,130
We could walk into an ambush.
Bang-bang, he's dead.
137
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:18,090
Bang-bang, HE'S dead.
People running for cover
138
00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:21,650
and then what if there's secondary
devices? Boom! That's him.
139
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,010
Not so lucky now.
140
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,210
And then he wakes up because
he's only knocked out
141
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:26,890
and he's basically fine,
142
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:30,860
and these lot are all in body bags
cos you weren't thinking straight.
143
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,970
~ Want to know what I think?
~ No.
144
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,290
As the boss said,
145
00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:38,580
the safest place to be is in
a heavily armoured metal box.
146
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:43,130
I've found one!
147
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,090
OK. OK, we stay put.
148
00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:48,450
But he isn't "basically fine".
No ambush, no secondaries,
149
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,090
we get him to a hospital but half
an hour later than we could.
150
00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:53,650
Too late, he's dead and we
spend years feeling like shit
151
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:55,810
because we didn't get
him a fucking medic.
152
00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:57,890
So this is me thinking straight, OK?
153
00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:01,340
We search our way over
to the other vehicle now.
154
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:06,690
Fine, fine, we'll do it
your way. Rocket, Simon,
155
00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,210
hold me out the back.
156
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:11,530
Legs, tell the other vehicles
we need a medic now.
157
00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:13,520
Oi! We need a medic.
158
00:08:14,540 --> 00:08:16,970
By the way, my unit call me 50-cal.
159
00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:18,690
Shut up, Legs.
160
00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:28,610
~ Medic's here.
~ How's the ATO?
161
00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:31,370
Passed out, breathing normally.
162
00:08:31,420 --> 00:08:32,770
He's not bleeding.
163
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:35,650
With you ASAP. Rest of you OK?
164
00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:40,860
I've sustained mild
injuries but I'm fine.
165
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,050
Quite lucky, actually.
166
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,650
Such tenderness, such care.
167
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:53,370
All right, Mac. I fucked
him once, ages ago
168
00:08:53,420 --> 00:08:56,210
when we were drunk and we said
we'd never speak of it again.
169
00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:58,060
How's that going?
170
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,890
I don't even fancy him.
HE MIMICS A KLAXON
171
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,210
I don't! HE MIMICS A KLAXON
172
00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:05,330
Fuck off! I've seen far too much
of his bullshit to still fancy him.
173
00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:08,530
"Still"? So you fancied him once?
174
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:11,490
Briefly. HE LAUGHS
175
00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:14,410
~ Oi, you fuckwits, you nearly dropped
~ me then! Sorry.
176
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:16,690
~ And now you're not over him.
~ I am!
177
00:09:16,740 --> 00:09:19,770
HE MIMICS A KLAXON I
fucking am, all right?
178
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:22,810
I don't think about him, I
don't care who he's shagging,
179
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:26,410
has shagged, wants to shag... I
simply don't care what he wants.
180
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:27,570
NICK GRUNTS
181
00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:29,420
Nick?! Nick?!
182
00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:37,130
You know what you should
do to get over him?
183
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:39,730
Before you go on, does this
involve me having a threesome
184
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,330
with you and Rocket's mum?
185
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,650
Mmm, ideally
186
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:44,930
but there's more than
one way to skin a cat...
187
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:48,480
as we found out when we
had all those feral cats.
188
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:52,610
All right, if I wasn't
over him - which I am -
189
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:55,810
what should I do? Which
I'm not going to do.
190
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:58,690
You make a list of
all his bad points.
191
00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:03,130
Then whenever you start fancying
him again, just bring out the list.
192
00:10:03,180 --> 00:10:06,250
Genius, I'd deffo do that
if I wasn't over him,
193
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,890
which I totally am.
194
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,210
And...
195
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,770
you could draw a cock and
balls on his forehead.
196
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:15,810
You cannae fancy someone with a
cock and balls on his forehead.
197
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:18,000
I'm totally doing that.
198
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:26,090
So, tell me what's happened.
199
00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:27,770
An ammo box dropped on his head.
200
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,530
Probably a bit of concussion.
201
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:33,210
Oh, and Simon's gone mental, keeps
saying today's his lucky day.
202
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:35,730
Probably a bit of a cunt.
203
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:38,820
~ Blimey, best medic ever!
~ I'm not going to fuck you.
204
00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:48,860
~ You two vallon round the vehicle.
~ OK. ~ On it.
205
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,250
He's been out for five minutes.
206
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,890
~ Five minutes?
~ What? What is it?
207
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:57,010
You didn't draw a cock
and balls on his head?
208
00:10:57,060 --> 00:11:00,140
Well, I couldn't find a marker
pen amongst all this crap.
209
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:05,890
I should be so lucky
210
00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:07,490
Lucky, lucky, lucky
211
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:08,970
I should be so lucky in love.
212
00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:12,410
Bit of medical advice
- stop fucking singing
213
00:11:12,460 --> 00:11:14,930
or I'll stab you in the larynx.
214
00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:20,330
So, relief company's on their
way, still no secondaries.
215
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,700
Right. I'd best get some
evidence phots for the boss.
216
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,730
Oh, and, Bird, good
call with the medic,
217
00:11:27,780 --> 00:11:29,250
you were probably right.
218
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:32,250
Probably right or was actually right?
219
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,570
Sound similar but
are quite different.
220
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:37,570
OK. I just thought your judgment
was off cos you and Nick have, er...
221
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:39,730
Oh, Jesus Christ! It was one fuck.
222
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:42,410
Which is precisely one more
fuck than the amount of fucks
223
00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:44,290
I give about Nick Medhurst right now.
224
00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:48,240
So will people please stop
fucking going on about it?!
225
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:54,250
Not over him.
226
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,570
Too right. Here, Simon,
pass us the forensic kit.
227
00:11:57,620 --> 00:11:59,530
Sure thing, daddio!
228
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:03,860
~ Bloody hell, dickwad!
~ You are very welcome.
229
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:15,090
Fuck was that?
230
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:20,450
~ A punch.
~ It's no your go. ~ Oh.
231
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,020
Oh!
232
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:29,130
Fair play. And you
still owe me one so...
233
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:30,450
Oh, aye.
234
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,340
Oh!
235
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:37,130
It's no so good when
you're expecting it.
236
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,570
I wasn't expecting it.
237
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,010
But you just asked me to punch you.
238
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:43,650
Oh, aye.
239
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,890
So now you can punch me.
240
00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:47,410
Brilliant!
241
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:51,970
No! You've got to do it
when I'm not expecting it.
242
00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:54,970
Right. Are you expecting it now?
243
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,220
Aye!
244
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:59,540
Oh!
245
00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:03,980
THEY GIGGLE
246
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:08,730
Oi! It's for Weapons Intelligence.
247
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:11,650
~ WISWO!
~ So you're saying we need to look intelligent?
248
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:12,810
No.
249
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:15,290
Oh, come on, Towerblock,
one for the album.
250
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:17,450
The day of destiny.
251
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,810
Nothing like a near miss to
put things in perspective.
252
00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:23,370
A near miss, Simon, or a direct hit?
253
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:26,890
Help us put aside
our petty squabbles.
254
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,210
Right.
255
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,730
Oh. Oh, actually, yeah,
that's a good idea.
256
00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:34,650
~ Yeah, forgive and forget.
~ Oh, he's getting it.
257
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,010
So you, for example, won't be
258
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:39,250
at all bothered that I
broke your iPod speakers.
259
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,290
~ What?
~ Yeah, I mean, on a day like today,
260
00:13:41,340 --> 00:13:43,490
that just doesn't matter, does it?
261
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:46,530
Exactly. They're just speakers.
262
00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:47,980
Big deal.
263
00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:51,290
Sorry, how exactly
did you break them?
264
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:53,010
They just stopped working.
265
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:56,250
Sure, sure. Who cares?
266
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:58,010
They were quite robust those.
267
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:00,010
They're just some
high-street electronics
268
00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:02,890
that you can replace for, what?
20 quid? Something like that.
269
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,890
They were ?39.99, but whatever.
270
00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:07,450
Glad to see we're discussing
the retail price of things,
271
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,050
rather than, I don't know,
272
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:13,970
say, The Taliban, secondary
devices, general warry shit.
273
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:17,370
Sorry. Anyway, I don't think
there'll be any secondaries,
274
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:20,770
not today. Not now Lady Luck
is playing our favourite...
275
00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,410
Bird, secondary.
276
00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:24,730
Mark and avoid.
277
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,530
Sorry, Simon, you were saying?
278
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:29,300
~ Well, it's...
~ Bird, another one!
279
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:33,380
Two...
280
00:14:35,420 --> 00:14:40,370
Of course there are secondaries,
Towerblock, this is Afghanistan
281
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:42,370
but we haven't been
ambushed, have we?
282
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,450
Nobody's shooting at us so...
283
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:48,180
~ BULLETS RICOCHET
~ Cover! ~ Get down!
284
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:53,130
Where the fuck are
they? Can anyone see?
285
00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:55,180
They're bloody close.
286
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,930
Shit! They shot me
in the fucking head!
287
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,120
Technically, the helmet.
288
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,130
Lucky you, see?
289
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:05,610
Are you fucking mental?!
290
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:08,410
Not now, you fucking moron!
291
00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:10,970
You said when you don't expect.
292
00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:12,250
How many are there?
293
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,930
Half a dozen?
294
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,250
Eight?
295
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:19,020
Ten? Shit! Mac, rocket on me.
296
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:25,130
Enemies. Multiple ten, 150 metres.
297
00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:27,220
RAPID FIRE!
298
00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:41,060
~ Everything all right, loves?
~ Boss, get back inside!
299
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,690
No fucking heroics, Sir.
300
00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:46,410
You need to be careful in case
there's a subcranial bleed.
301
00:15:46,460 --> 00:15:49,410
I'm feeling both tickety and boo.
302
00:15:49,460 --> 00:15:52,090
Yeah, that's the funny thing
about bleeding around the brain.
303
00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:55,970
I had one recently. REME Sergeant
banged his head on a Jackal.
304
00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:57,690
Out cold, came to,
305
00:15:57,740 --> 00:16:01,330
lucid for about two hours
and then... he dropped dead.
306
00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:03,450
SHE CHUCKLES
307
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,330
It's not VERY funny, is it?
308
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,850
Oh, you'll be fine... probably.
309
00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:23,370
OK, we need to think about
an extraction plan, so...
310
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:25,060
INCOMING!
311
00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:33,090
We've got minutes before they
get the aim right on those.
312
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:34,810
We are fucked!
313
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,130
Oh, fucking hell!
314
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,980
Man down! Medic!
315
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,100
Oh, shit!
316
00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:47,210
Coming!
317
00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:51,380
Don't operate any heavy machinery,
avoid stressful situations.
318
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:55,020
I'll do my best.
319
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,410
Private Sykes, down there.
320
00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:04,290
~ We'll cover you.
~ OK. Oh, if I die,
321
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:07,370
~ make sure Captain Medhurst gets a scan.
~ What for?
322
00:17:07,420 --> 00:17:11,210
Subcranial bleed. You don't want
him to drop dead over dinner.
323
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,460
Unless it's jelly. Boing!
324
00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:16,650
I should go.
325
00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:18,130
Covering fire!
326
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:21,180
Where did you get shot,
you useless prick?
327
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:27,250
Nice day for it.
328
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,610
Boss, get back in the
van! We've got this.
329
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:31,850
Really? Cos it looks like
a gale-force shit storm
330
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,840
~ that you totally haven't got.
~ Incoming!
331
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,890
~ Jesus!
~ Fuck me!
332
00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:41,370
~ Taliban are moving.
~ They're trying to flank us.
333
00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:42,960
Roger that.
334
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,530
What's that?
335
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:50,210
I'm getting a sort
of high-pitched whine.
336
00:17:50,260 --> 00:17:52,290
~ What?
~ Eh? Boss, you're concussed.
337
00:17:52,340 --> 00:17:55,730
No, I'm fine but I can
definitely hear something.
338
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:58,900
Bird! They're moving round the side.
339
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,410
Right, here's the plan -
340
00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:05,610
we bugger the fuck off.
341
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:08,250
OK. We use the dead ground
to the north of that track,
342
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:12,130
keep our arses low, make our
way to those vehicles and...
343
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:13,930
Oh, fuck me!
344
00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,210
OK, so let's not do that.
345
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,210
~ OK. New plan - we leave by that road.
~ Yeah, but it's riddled
346
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:20,890
~ with IEDs.
~ That's because it's the best route out.
347
00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:23,010
We bring back Sykes, I
blow the devices in situ.
348
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,010
We get back to base like
fucking legends...
349
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:27,970
~ But you're...
~ .. and whatever Mac was imagining me doing with Mary,
350
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,210
I am totally doing with Mary.
351
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,610
Please tell me that is not
why you're going down there.
352
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,810
Of course not. Not entirely.
353
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,090
Towerblock, back me up!
354
00:18:35,140 --> 00:18:37,490
He's in no state to start fucking
about with explosives.
355
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,370
You're right. She's right.
356
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:42,490
Look, Boss, we keep our position
here, the Apaches will be here soon.
357
00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:46,170
And they will have a fantastic
view of a dead ATO, a dead bleep
358
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,010
and a dead... what does he do again?
359
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,690
You are fucked in the head, Boss!
360
00:18:49,740 --> 00:18:51,570
I'm kidding, I'm fine.
361
00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,810
No, you weren't! The medic
said you need a scan.
362
00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:57,410
Oh, shit, I forgot my
pocket MRI. Right, PE7.
363
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:58,890
Whoa!
364
00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,210
I just stood up too fast - I am fine.
365
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:02,660
Boss...?
366
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:08,650
We're going to run short on ammo
if this carries on much longer.
367
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:10,450
Try hitting them, Skip.
368
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,570
Thank you, McDowell(!)
369
00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:15,650
It's OK, everyone, choppers are here!
370
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,890
NO ROTOR SOUND / ONLY GUNFIRE
371
00:19:17,940 --> 00:19:19,050
No...
372
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:22,050
No, it was just that whining
noise again, it's gone.
373
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,210
Right - I'm going down.
374
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:25,650
You can't use a vallon, your
hearing's all over the place.
375
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:29,130
They do vibrate as well, you
know. I am as steady as a rock.
376
00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:31,930
Enough twatting about now, Boss.
I'm coming down there with you.
377
00:19:31,980 --> 00:19:34,610
~ One man risk.
~ No. This man, massive risk.
378
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,850
Two men, and we might just
get everyone out of here.
379
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:38,010
I do not need you!
380
00:19:38,060 --> 00:19:40,530
I promise that I will not tell
the padre that you had help.
381
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,730
SHE SIGHS EXASPERATEDLY
382
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:45,720
All right, go get a
vallon and some PE7.
383
00:19:46,580 --> 00:19:48,130
~ Happy?
~ No!
384
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,450
Good. Right, we need both
of those two back here now.
385
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:53,250
Rocket! Go and give the Medic
a hand bringing back Sykes.
386
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,130
Roger that.
387
00:19:55,180 --> 00:19:57,180
They're moving again.
388
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:04,250
~ In three - one, two, three.
~ Go, go, go.
389
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,170
Right, we need a metric
fuck-ton of covering fire.
390
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:08,650
Boss, this is insane!
391
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,640
Your mum is... Zing!
392
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,770
Right. I made that list.
393
00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:16,290
Aye?
394
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:20,850
He's arrogant, doesn't
listen, self-obsessed,
395
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,490
sexually incontinent, childish, petty
396
00:20:23,540 --> 00:20:27,050
and he keeps making stupid
jokes about being concussed.
397
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:31,410
If your list is that long, I don't
think you're over him at all.
398
00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:34,690
Bollocks! Oh, I'm not, am I?
399
00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:38,690
He's a lanky, posh twat and
I'm not bloody over him.
400
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:40,090
Shit! Fuck!
401
00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:43,530
Argh! Shitting fucking fuckballs!
402
00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:44,980
Told you.
403
00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:50,800
Right, Boss, you're up.
404
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:54,130
Right, what's your advice now, then?
405
00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:55,930
Let me guess, punch him in the head?
406
00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:58,650
No, violence never solves anything.
407
00:21:01,180 --> 00:21:05,810
If he goes on about Mary, just
nod and smile and move on.
408
00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:08,530
Uh-huh. Thanks for
the girlie chat, Mac.
409
00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:09,930
No bother.
410
00:21:09,980 --> 00:21:11,770
So much easier with men.
411
00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:13,290
And a gun.
412
00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:27,170
What am I doing again?
413
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:28,490
Oh, yeah - bombs.
414
00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:29,810
Erm...
415
00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:35,660
Just stay still, would you?
416
00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:39,940
Huh.
417
00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:51,130
Home time!
418
00:21:57,660 --> 00:22:00,010
You fucking ARE concussed!
419
00:22:00,060 --> 00:22:01,930
What? No, it's dodgy oysters.
420
00:22:01,980 --> 00:22:03,250
What?
421
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:06,930
Shit, get in the mastiff!
422
00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:08,980
All right, all right!
423
00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:26,330
Right, order of march.
Mac, you go point.
424
00:22:26,380 --> 00:22:28,770
Grab the vallon, search
beyond the devices.
425
00:22:28,820 --> 00:22:31,650
Simon, go last man. Everyone squared?
426
00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:33,690
Any questions?
427
00:22:33,740 --> 00:22:36,010
Do I still have the punch?
428
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:45,530
Ah, look, the not-particularly-quick
Reaction Force is here.
429
00:22:45,580 --> 00:22:47,850
Nick! Nick, are you all right?
430
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:50,170
Yeah, I'm fine, shut up.
431
00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:52,130
GUNFIRE
432
00:22:52,180 --> 00:22:54,180
Let's go, superstars!
433
00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:03,490
Good work, Boss.
434
00:23:03,540 --> 00:23:06,370
Genuinely can't remember what I did.
435
00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:09,220
You will tell Mary what I did, right?
436
00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:12,330
HELICOPTER ROTORS WHIRR
437
00:23:12,380 --> 00:23:15,140
Ah, now I can hear Apaches.
438
00:23:18,540 --> 00:23:20,970
You couldn't care less
439
00:23:21,020 --> 00:23:23,180
So I guess you won't
440
00:23:26,420 --> 00:23:28,940
Change your mind again.
441
00:23:35,980 --> 00:23:37,780
Home, sweet home.
442
00:23:39,260 --> 00:23:42,250
Hello, Captain. Wasn't
expecting you back so soon.
443
00:23:42,300 --> 00:23:44,010
This won't be smoked for hours.
444
00:23:44,060 --> 00:23:46,010
Is that ham? Out here?
445
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:47,330
Ham-style goat.
446
00:23:47,380 --> 00:23:49,410
Mmm, tasty.
447
00:23:49,460 --> 00:23:52,250
Erm, yeah! Very tasty.
448
00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:54,130
Worth every penny.
449
00:23:54,180 --> 00:23:55,930
~ Is the padre in?
~ I think so.
450
00:23:55,980 --> 00:23:57,650
You need to see the medic.
451
00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:59,010
Padre first.
452
00:23:59,060 --> 00:24:00,400
Nick...
453
00:24:01,780 --> 00:24:03,730
He needs to go to Bastion for a scan.
454
00:24:03,780 --> 00:24:07,260
Ah! The eternal bond between the
ATO and his bleep. Touching(!)
455
00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:09,810
Carry on.
456
00:24:09,860 --> 00:24:11,370
Sir.
457
00:24:11,420 --> 00:24:14,250
I'm not in love, so don't forget it
458
00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:17,820
It's just a silly phase
I'm going through.
459
00:24:21,260 --> 00:24:22,860
Yes! Better!
460
00:24:23,860 --> 00:24:25,130
Oh...
461
00:24:35,380 --> 00:24:36,920
So, Mary...
462
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:41,170
Now, this isn't going to sound
like me and I don't think
463
00:24:41,220 --> 00:24:44,250
it's the concussion talking, and
I am definitely not ruling out
464
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:47,770
another fantastic fuck
on the desk, but...
465
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:50,290
I've realised something today.
466
00:24:51,420 --> 00:24:53,560
You and me, we've got...
467
00:24:55,740 --> 00:24:57,940
.. very little in common.
468
00:24:59,340 --> 00:25:00,810
So you are...?
469
00:25:00,860 --> 00:25:03,460
I'm the new padre, Keith Turnbull.
470
00:25:04,820 --> 00:25:08,090
Is there anything I can help with?
471
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:11,290
Where's Mary... May...
Major Greenstock?
472
00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:14,450
She requested a transfer. Urgently.
473
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:16,570
And now we know why.
474
00:25:16,620 --> 00:25:17,940
Shit.
475
00:25:18,980 --> 00:25:20,320
Really?
476
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:23,580
Bloody hell.
477
00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:31,490
Here's your speakers. The light comes
on, but there's nothing doing.
478
00:25:31,540 --> 00:25:35,460
~ Oh, yeah, sometimes the
volume resets to zero. ~ Eh?
479
00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:41,580
MUSIC: Beautiful Day By U2
480
00:25:44,660 --> 00:25:48,450
Hmm? See? Some days do just
work out for the best.
481
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:51,930
Here's to fate, destiny
and Lady Luck!
482
00:25:51,980 --> 00:25:54,970
Jesus, ah!
483
00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:57,780
Shit! Fucking hell!
484
00:25:58,940 --> 00:26:02,040
It's just not your lucky
day, is it, Simon?
485
00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:05,580
~ Yeah, well, you owe me ?39.99, Towerblock.
~ Nick!
486
00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:08,770
They should be water resistant!
487
00:26:09,620 --> 00:26:10,730
She's gone, Bird.
488
00:26:10,780 --> 00:26:12,410
What?
489
00:26:12,460 --> 00:26:13,730
Mary.
490
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:15,970
She's gone.
491
00:26:16,020 --> 00:26:17,770
Really?
492
00:26:17,820 --> 00:26:21,320
Shit, who am I going to
take the piss out of now?
493
00:26:21,740 --> 00:26:24,010
Too soon?
494
00:26:24,060 --> 00:26:26,800
I genuinely thought we could have...
495
00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:29,490
Never mind.
496
00:26:29,540 --> 00:26:32,010
Right, you. CAT scan.
Transport in ten.
497
00:26:32,060 --> 00:26:34,890
Cheers. Hey, maybe Mary's
still at Bastion!
498
00:26:34,940 --> 00:26:36,130
If I can find her, then...
499
00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:38,730
Oh, Boss, if it wasn't for your
possible subcranial bleed,
500
00:26:38,780 --> 00:26:40,810
I would punch you in the head.
501
00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:43,610
~ What?!
~ Instead, I've got to do this.
502
00:26:43,660 --> 00:26:44,770
Oof!
503
00:26:44,820 --> 00:26:47,620
Stop going on about fucking Mary!
504
00:26:51,580 --> 00:26:53,180
Yes, I know.
505
00:26:55,980 --> 00:26:58,050
I've just had an idea
for a new game -
506
00:26:58,100 --> 00:27:00,440
kicking people in the balls!
507
00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:01,890
OK.
508
00:27:01,940 --> 00:27:03,460
Oh!
509
00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:05,970
Brilliant.
510
00:27:06,020 --> 00:27:08,420
MAC LAUGHS
511
00:27:08,470 --> 00:27:13,020
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