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1
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,790
Ma'am?... What's
happening? Are we off?
2
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,190
Bird, I've got an exciting
new role for you.
3
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,110
As my roommate!
4
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,070
Had to vacate my quarters to make
way for our Afghan colleagues.
5
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,910
So, here I am. Yay!
6
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,350
What? But...
7
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,830
OK, fine, but there is definitely
a "no yays" rule in here.
8
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,080
Cheer up, Little Miss
Grumpy! It'll be fun.
9
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:35,750
Good for team bonding.
10
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:40,430
Oh, in fact, we should do what I did
with my last team, Facepack Friday.
11
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,350
I'd rather do Slash
My Wrists Saturday.
12
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:43,750
Mm, you'll come round to it.
13
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,910
Mm, I won't.
14
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,150
Whoa, what is that?
15
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,550
Bunting? Sorry, are
we having a cake sale?
16
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,350
Funny, Bird.
17
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,190
Oh, now, where shall I put these?
18
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,870
You're more than welcome
to borrow anything
19
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,590
so we could set up a communal area.
20
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,720
Just to clarify... Ma'am.
21
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,830
Oh...
22
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,750
Oh, morning, Bird! What do you think?
23
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,150
Um... it looks like a brothel
in the Cotswolds.
24
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,470
How would you know? Oh,
gap year job, was it?
25
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,390
See? Little joke.
26
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,200
Fun. Tick!
27
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,110
Oh, I really need to wash.
28
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,270
Well, feel free to help yourself
to any of my stuff.
29
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,430
In fact, you should borrow this.
30
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,430
Uh. It's all right. I use soap.
31
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,550
Not some kind of liquid fruit salad.
32
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,630
Seriously, Bird, it's
like a bottled massage.
33
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:34,870
Oh!
34
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,390
Deodorant?
35
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,440
Yellow paint? Hm?
36
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,160
I'm putting the can... down.
37
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,620
I'm putting my can down.
38
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,800
The can is on the ground.
39
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,800
Fun!
40
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,630
100 packets of Screech, proffed
from the cookhouse.
41
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,390
~ Best squash ever.
~ And the hardest soft drink known to man.
42
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,310
We're going super-strength.
Five in a mug. Down in one.
43
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,910
I get knocked down
But I get up again
44
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,790
You're never going to keep me down
45
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,430
I get knocked down
But I get up again
46
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,310
You're never going to keep me down
47
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,110
I get knocked down
But I get up again
48
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,910
You're never going to keep me down
49
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:43,470
I get knocked down
But I get up again...
50
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:48,950
Ready? OK, three... two... one.
51
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,350
Ho, ho, ho! It's Father Post-mas!
52
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,190
Have you all been
good boys and girls?
53
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,310
Just give us the post, Medal.
54
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,830
Whoa! It's like being punched
in the face by an orange!
55
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,110
There's a package
for you, Towerblock,
56
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,430
and a letter for you, Mac.
57
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,270
Is anyone else thirsty?
58
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,680
It's from my da'.
59
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,280
He's still not talking to me.
60
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,790
How can a drink make you thirsty?
61
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,470
This is like when
I went to the beach.
62
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:30,670
Oh, mint! Ah, it's from the
Missus. For our anniversary.
63
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,270
From the night we first met.
64
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,390
Oh, that's actually quite romantic.
65
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,670
And I shagged her at the
bus stop by Elland Road.
66
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:37,790
That is less romantic.
67
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:41,240
You don't know how much
she loves Leeds United.
68
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,390
Sticky.
69
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,990
Sticky!
70
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,030
And here is my sexy promise
for when I get home.
71
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,030
~ Are they used?
~ No, because she's classy.
72
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,790
Yes, I got that from the bus stop.
73
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,030
Wait up.
74
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,320
Ah, no! No, no, no, no!
75
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,310
She's shopping at fucking Waitrose!
76
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,670
Why didn't she just send me
a parcel full of burnt fivers?
77
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,310
To be fair, Waitrose do check their
prices against other supermarkets.
78
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,790
And then go "Yup, ours
is definitely higher."
79
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,550
I can't believe that she'd stab
me in the wallet like this.
80
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:20,030
Ooh! Time for ANA bomb-tech training.
Got to protect the asset.
81
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,830
Is that a euphemism for wanking?
82
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,510
No, I'm Ellen's personal escort.
83
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,670
It is a euphemism for wanking!
84
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,430
No. In my professional opinion,
85
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,590
the Afghan National Army
are dodgy bastards.
86
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,990
You know what, I reckon the ANA
guys are all right. I mean,
87
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,710
it must be tough having to fight
against the Taliban when they're
88
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,840
from your own country and that
so we should probably give them the benefit of the doubt. Aye?
89
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,590
Corporal Lansley,
90
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,390
you are joining the brave ANA
heroes for their training?
91
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:58,150
Brave? Heroes? ANA? Well,
no, they are the ANA.
92
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,030
I wouldn't leave the boss alone
with a single one of them.
93
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,480
And today we're expecting 20.
94
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,230
Well...
95
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,430
Four. 20.
96
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,220
Very similar, as I say to the taxman.
97
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,880
Tax.
98
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,720
Yes, well, you only
need one wrong 'un.
99
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,950
Like him.
100
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,190
Why's he staring at
us? It's suspicious.
101
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,710
That is Wakdar. He is the best!
102
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,790
The only one who does not smoke weed.
103
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,390
Trying to stay sharp,
very suspicious.
104
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,950
You think that all Afghan
people are suspicious.
105
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,150
I do not!
106
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,990
You're an Afghan and I trust...
that's a bad example.
107
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,840
He's coming over.
108
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,070
With respect, Corporal, we don't
really use the word "Afghan."
109
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:53,110
I myself am Hazara, and these two men
110
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,400
are Pashtun, and he is Uzbek.
111
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,020
That's interesting.
112
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,270
By which I mean suspicious.
113
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,870
Oh, is this it?
Disappointing turn out.
114
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:12,350
Yes, rather like my
21st birthday party.
115
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:16,470
There'd been an incident on the A131.
116
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,790
People were stuck, not unwilling.
117
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,870
Well, let's just crack on anyway.
118
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,990
No cracking on, I'm
afraid, Captain Best.
119
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,510
All training and Ops on hold.
120
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,310
Some nut job Pastor in Florida's
set fire to 1,000 Korans
121
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,390
and the Taliban are
just a teeny-tiny bit
122
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,270
massively fucked off about it.
123
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,190
The ANA must've got wind of it
124
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,310
and decided to stay home.
Except this four.
125
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,900
Suspicious.
126
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,150
Might not be that bad, Sir.
Just a storm in a teacup.
127
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,590
Might be more of a massacre in a mug.
128
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,350
To quote the great military
strategist, Carl von Clausewitz,
129
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,910
"Shit just got real."
130
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,310
Reports show the Taliban
are still moving south,
131
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,070
so we've got a few hours to prepare.
132
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,510
I'm Briefing at 0900 hours. Carry on.
133
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:02,840
Or rather don't carry on.
Carry on not carrying on.
134
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,480
Carry on.
135
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,670
I just had the biggest
piss of my life!
136
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,190
And it was orange! Like that
Coldplay song, Yellow.
137
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,830
But orange.
138
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,080
Oh, more Screech, result!
139
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:27,350
So, ten packets each
- straight in, no water.
140
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,030
Bring it on!
141
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,510
~ Towerblock? You in?
~ I'd rather she was having an affair.
142
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,110
At least then someone else would
be paying for her dinner.
143
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,590
So call her and tell her to
stop spunking away your cash.
144
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,190
On our anniversary? Yeah, nice.
145
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,550
You're tit-whipped.
146
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,870
It's not that. If I was at
home I'd tell her, we'd have
147
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,670
a bloody great row, then hot
make-up sex and it'd be sorted.
148
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,110
~ But if I call her from
here I just get the row. ~ So? Call her,
149
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,630
have a row then a hot make-up wank!
150
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,710
You remember when I didn't call her
for her birthday cos of Op Minimise?
151
00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,160
And she posted me my signed
Leeds United shirt?
152
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,710
Drop dead, good advice!
153
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,550
Come on! Are we doing this or not?
154
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,670
Aye, all right. Ready?
155
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,550
Three... two...
156
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:15,070
~ Go!
~ Guys, you've got to come and see this.
157
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,870
~ Is it another burst dog?
~ Worse.
158
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,390
Brilliant!
159
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,080
I can't feel my tongue! Or my mouth!
160
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,230
Nice. She's brightened
the place up a bit.
161
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,070
Ah, definitely smells better than
our quarters. Less... semeny.
162
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,710
You are shitting me!
163
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,510
That is cunting bunting!
164
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,950
What's going on?
165
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,670
Ooh! Fairy lights! Nice.
166
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,190
Why is no-one on my side here?
167
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,910
You do know she wants us all
to do fucking Facepack Friday?
168
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,870
Brilliant. When? Oh, Friday!
169
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,630
Could be good for team bonding?
170
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,830
And my sensitive Glaswegian skin.
171
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,270
Civvies go paintballing
for team bonding.
172
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,230
We are in an actual fucking war!
173
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,310
Not that you'd know it
174
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,070
looking at Helmand's answer
to Cath-cocking-Kidston!
175
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,390
But isn't the best thing about being
a girl getting to have all this?
176
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:14,110
Just because I have
a vagina doesn't mean
177
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,670
I have to like all this wafty shit!
178
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,630
Maybe you should try
girling up a bit, Bird.
179
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,190
Facepack Friday might
chill you the fuck out.
180
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,910
I don't need to chill the fuck out!
181
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,910
That will be all, thank
you, gentlemen.
182
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,960
You are excused.
183
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:36,480
Out!
184
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,630
So thanks to this
Koran-burning bell-end,
185
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:02,310
we're going to see some action,
and it's going to be tight.
186
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,990
We're low on members after most
of the Afghan National Army
187
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,390
have phoned in with a bad case of,
188
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,350
"Holy shit, I'm staying
well out of this."
189
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,390
Only a loyal few have turned up.
190
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,550
Loyal? More like the enemy within.
191
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:17,600
Simon! The ANA are valuable allies
in the fight against terror.
192
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,350
Oh, you weren't joking! Actually,
he may have a point.
193
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,950
There was a green on blue
at PB Hockley this morning.
194
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,670
No British casualties but three ANA.
195
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,990
Intelligence indicates the attack
on the base is due early afternoon.
196
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,630
And, by intelligence, I mean a text
197
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,790
from Faruq's cousin's
second wife's nephew.
198
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,750
He is very funny on Twitter.
You should follow him.
199
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,230
So we have time to build
up our defences and,
200
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,310
most importantly,
have an early lunch.
201
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,470
What's the first rule?
Lunch. Now, the briefing.
202
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:46,990
I'm afraid I haven't had much time,
203
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,140
so please excuse the
crudity of this model.
204
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,910
Oh, Sir!
205
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,310
OK, we need to pinpoint
206
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,680
their mortar positions and
firing points or else...
207
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,990
Terribly sorry, Corporal Lansley,
I seem to have set you on fire.
208
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,380
That's quite all right, Sir.
209
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,990
Right, we need to get this down ASAP.
210
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,870
Whoa, custard and ketchup,
is that going to stay down?
211
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,400
Yeah! It all tastes of chemical
orange anyway. It's delicious.
212
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,270
Called your wife yet, Towerblock?
213
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,430
It's very much at the
top of my to-don't list.
214
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:33,350
Ahh! Hey, there, roomie! Bunk buddy!
215
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,390
What's going on, sister?
216
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,150
OK, Bird. Good you're
trying a new look,
217
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,030
but that is well in breach
of Queen's regs.
218
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,630
~ And that lip gloss clashes.
~ Oh, does it?
219
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,190
Oh, epic fail, #awkward.
220
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:48,310
But we can talk about it
at Facepack Friday! Yay!
221
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,390
Are you up for that now?
When is that again?
222
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:54,790
And afterwards we can totally do
each other's nails in our jammies!
223
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,310
My head is confused!
224
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,350
Right, those are mine!
225
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,350
Sorry, Ma'am, but you did say I
could help myself to your stuff!
226
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,590
Yes. I did. No, correct statement.
227
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,910
But I didn't mean... Just
take them off, Bird!
228
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,150
Oh!
229
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,430
But if I'm not all girlie,
230
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,070
then how will be able to bond
with the rest of my team?
231
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,190
OK, Bird, clearly you
think that being a woman
232
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,750
means being an idiot, or weak.
233
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:21,190
No, Ma'am, women are strong.
People take women seriously.
234
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,440
Boudicca. Brienne of Tarth.
235
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,430
Beyonce... with a gun!
236
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,670
~ Want that!
~ Womanly, fine. Girlie, not fine.
237
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:37,590
Oh. Oh, silly me, that hand cream
has made my hands slippery-wippery!
238
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,550
If this carries on, I'm going
to need to go and crack one off!
239
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,830
Bird, you think we can discuss
this when we don't have
240
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,230
an attack imminent? Do you
have to sit so close, Simon?!
241
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,190
There is a wrong 'un back there
and I am not taking any chances.
242
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,830
Simon, they're stoned but you're
the one who's paranoid.
243
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,630
Frankly, Bird, I can't take you
seriously looking like that.
244
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:55,910
Point proved!
245
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,070
We need to be in defensive
positions in 15 minutes.
246
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,550
Go and change.
247
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:04,280
Good. Cos all this girlie shit
is making me feel really...
248
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,300
Hey up, ANA approaching.
249
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,590
As a gesture of friendship,
250
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,430
I would like to offer you these
traditional Hazara cakes.
251
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,790
I made them myself.
252
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,750
Oh, really? That's very
nice. Wakdar, is it?
253
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,550
Yes, Wakdar.
254
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,510
That's very kind. Very kind indeed.
255
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:30,230
Goodbye. See you later.
256
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,720
No!
257
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,670
They could be poisoned!
258
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,750
Well, if they are, it's
delicious poison. Lemony.
259
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,560
No, orange.
260
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:42,990
Oh...
261
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,430
CRASHES LOUDLY
262
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,550
Corporal Bird.
263
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,790
It is not your place to talk to
me like that in front of the team.
264
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,350
Well, CAPTAIN Best, it is not your
place to tell me how to be a woman.
265
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,550
Well, you're being so weird about it.
266
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,390
What is wrong with being feminine?
267
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,150
The Taliban are on their
way to kill us. With guns.
268
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,470
I propose to stop then.
With guns, not hand cream.
269
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,710
Bird, it's not an either-or.
270
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,150
You can fight the Taliban and
still take care of your skin.
271
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,470
You should totally write
adverts for Dove.
272
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,950
~ I'm serious.
~ And so am I. I'm not doing Facepack Friday.
273
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,790
Bird, Facepack Friday
is not about pampering.
274
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,190
It's about feeling part of the team
and your face feeling amazing.
275
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,470
Part of the team?
276
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,030
Since day one, I have been
shot at with the team,
277
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,670
been blown up with team.
278
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,510
I turned down promotion
to stay with the team.
279
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,230
And I think someone feels
threatened by that.
280
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,910
And I think someone
is threatened by this.
281
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,110
I'm not threatened by it.
282
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,630
I just don't fucking like it...
283
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,190
.. Ma'am.
284
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,990
Shall we go and fight
the Taliban now?
285
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,140
Well, I'm going to have
to shoot something.
286
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,150
Come on, Skip.
287
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,910
There's already been a green on
blue so there'll no' be another.
288
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,510
They're like buses, Rocket.
289
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,310
You wait ages and then
three come at once.
290
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,300
And the third one's
always full of sick.
291
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,870
Trust me. Wakdar's the
type to hold a grudge.
292
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,670
Just because some Yank burns a book.
293
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,710
The Koran is the Holy Word of Allah.
294
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,510
To disrespect it is to
disrespect God himself.
295
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,910
Well, I think that's a bit...
296
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,910
I cannot believe how little
you understand of our culture.
297
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,990
You've been in our country
for ten years now.
298
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,550
Well, not personally but...
299
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,550
And still you are as ignorant
as the day you came.
300
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,800
You should fear the anger
of an offended man.
301
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,820
Everyone hear that?
302
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,660
Practically a signed confession.
303
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,040
Rocket?
304
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,830
~ Rocket?
~ Huh? Is my tongue still orange?
305
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,820
Cos my jobbies are.
306
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,990
And they're fizzy.
307
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,030
Towerblock! You're with us!
308
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,990
Fucking hell. You still
not called her?
309
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,430
I just don't know how to
say "Happy anniversary,
310
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,150
"and stop spending my money,"
in one phone call.
311
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,430
Like that - "Happy anniversary,
stop spending my money." Job done.
312
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,990
Yeah, job done and wife fucked off!
313
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:49,310
Towerblock, you've got to get
this done. Let's practice.
314
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,710
I'll be you, you be her.
315
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:51,990
Oh, don't be daft.
316
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,320
Boo-beep. Boo-beep-boop. Beep boop.
317
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,070
Brrr.
318
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,590
Brrr, brrr.
319
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,110
Mac, we're expecting
an attack any minute!
320
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,920
Brrr, brrr.
321
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,580
Brrr, brrr.
322
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,670
~ Brrr, brrr...
~ Hello?
323
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,750
Hey up, Mrs Towerblock,
it's me, Mr Towerblock.
324
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,270
Happy anniversary.
325
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,710
I don't sound anything like that.
326
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,710
Stop fucking spending me money
327
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,470
or when I get back I won't give
you any Towercock for a month.
328
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,750
All right, all right! I will call.
329
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,910
Just stop doing that stupid voice.
330
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,030
It's your stupid voice.
331
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,790
SOUND OF DISTANT GUNFIRE
332
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,950
Oh, thank fuck for that.
333
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,600
ALARM BLARES
334
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,310
Charlie, one, one. This
is diamond, zero, alpha.
335
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,950
Reference - my fire mission.
Sierra, one, three.
336
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,400
Request immediate fire support.
Acknowledge. Over.
337
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,560
Thank you so much. Out.
338
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,230
Skip, the enemy's this way!
339
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,000
Are they?
340
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,480
RPG!
341
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,980
They're going for the rear gate!
342
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,420
Shit! Wakdar's going to let them in!
343
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,510
~ Wakdar! Stop! Drop your weapon!
~ But... ~ Now!
344
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,150
I know! And they're not coming in!
345
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,200
~ Yes, they are!
~ Fuck! You could have said!
346
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,230
~ How many inside?
~ I counted four!
347
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,470
Shit! This is my fault.
348
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,070
Don't blame yourself, Skip.
We'll do that for you later.
349
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,830
Towerblock, cover the
gate. Mac, that way!
350
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,550
Wakdar, on me.
351
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,400
Shite.
352
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:16,280
Shit! Where's that coming from?
353
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,000
Not today, thank you.
354
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,320
Agh! Shit!
355
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,040
Shit! Agh!
356
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,270
~ Bird! Are you OK?!
~ Agh! Urgh!
357
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,190
I'm covered in peach foam!
358
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,440
Well, you smell terrific.
359
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,790
Shite! Wanker!
360
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,670
He's still moving.
361
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,600
Medic!
362
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,070
Simon, are we clear?
363
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,800
Grenade!
364
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,510
Simon. You just...
365
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,190
Saved your life?
366
00:22:54,240 --> 00:23:00,710
Well, depending on the grenade
variant, blast radius. So...
367
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,480
Thank you.
368
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,550
You can let go of me now.
369
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,360
Oh. Clear!
370
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:11,710
Well done.
371
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,310
All clear!
372
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:14,750
Good.
373
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,900
We made a good team in
the end, did we not?
374
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,120
We did, Wakdar. Like ham and eggs.
375
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,270
Sorry, you don't eat ham, do you?
376
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,070
Do you eat eggs?
377
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:30,720
Maybe it is time you learned
more about my culture.
378
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,320
Oh, wow.
379
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,950
The Koran.
380
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:39,960
Um...
381
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,800
Exit Wounds by Andy McNab.
382
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,790
I shall treasure it.
383
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,470
Assalaamu Alaikum, Simon Lansley.
384
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,280
Live long and...
385
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,070
.. prosper...
386
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,520
(Wakdar.)
387
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,230
Are you snorting Screech?
That is fucking insane.
388
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:29,030
Only cos I want to, mind.
Not because I need to.
389
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,350
I don't. I could give
up Screech any time.
390
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,940
Nae bother.
391
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,270
So?
392
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,590
Her spending spree is
over cos now she's gone
393
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,830
and spent all my money on a new Mini.
394
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,670
~ A new Mini! What?
~ Your tits must be red raw. ~ She is good.
395
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,270
Fuck it, she deserves some
fun. Me away all the time.
396
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,870
Aye, she probably bought it
as a penis substitute for you.
397
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,860
Well, it is a Mini!
398
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,150
Piss off!
399
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,150
Right, final Screech
challenge. One line each.
400
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,910
Three... two... one...
401
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,790
Well done, Bluestone 42!
402
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,780
Top work all round.
403
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:15,000
God, it's burning behind my
eyes! But it hurts so good!
404
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,030
Yes, do fall out, Private.
It's been that sort of day.
405
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,070
Overall, lots of swift tactical
decisions. Attack repelled.
406
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,390
Big tick. Top of the class.
407
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,760
Although you can't all
be top of the class so...
408
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:32,350
No. The point is good
instincts all round.
409
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,280
Instincts. Yes, thank you.
410
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,390
What? I was right about the
ANA. There was a wrong 'un.
411
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:45,270
~ But you got the wrong wrong 'un.
~ Maybe, but my instincts... ~ No.
412
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,950
If you'd just left it then
your wrong wrong 'un
413
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,080
would've stopped the right wrong 'un
from wronging all over the place.
414
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,510
Are you all right, Rocket?
415
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,590
Aye. I'm fine, boss.
416
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,350
Good. Anyway, stressful day.
417
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,670
You know what we should do.
418
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:15,030
This was an excellent idea, boss.
419
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,720
Aye, mint.
420
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,390
Gleaming.
421
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,720
I have always enjoyed whiting
up. Very humorous in my culture.
422
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,840
And you get a snack, too.
423
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:31,260
Good work, Captain Best.
424
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:37,190
You enjoying the team-bonding, Bird?
I knew you'd come round to it.
425
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,310
How is it bonding when one
of the team fucking hates it?
426
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:43,110
Because the rest of the team
really had to pull together
427
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,150
~ to get you in that chair.
~ You cheated. You used brute force.
428
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:50,110
Well, what do you expect, Bird?
We're soldiers. Not Barbie dolls.
429
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,270
Oh!
430
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,670
~ Yay!
~ Get off me!
431
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,710
Don't fight me, you'll
do yourself a mischief!
432
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,400
You're violating me...
433
00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:03,000
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