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1
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Rainbow: Here's the thing
about having a big family...
2
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:05,130
Every day, there's something surprising.
3
00:00:05,227 --> 00:00:07,026
Some surprises are good...
4
00:00:07,095 --> 00:00:09,458
Look! I'm off the no-fly list.
5
00:00:09,818 --> 00:00:11,921
Some surprises are not so good...
6
00:00:11,931 --> 00:00:16,672
Look, a Saudi prince I met on
Instagram wants to pay me to model.
7
00:00:17,674 --> 00:00:20,080
And some surprises
aren't all that surprising...
8
00:00:20,090 --> 00:00:23,831
- Look, I got a "C."
- That's a "D," baby.
9
00:00:23,841 --> 00:00:27,515
And some surprises
you don't see coming at all.
10
00:00:27,525 --> 00:00:29,160
- Mom, Dad...
- Mm. Mm?
11
00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:31,234
I'd like you to meet Megan,
my girlfriend.
12
00:00:31,302 --> 00:00:32,267
- [Gasps]
- Hmm.
13
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:33,962
[Quincy Jones' "Ironside" plays]
14
00:00:33,972 --> 00:00:35,135
Ah.
15
00:00:36,768 --> 00:00:39,002
Megan.
16
00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:44,976
[Laughs]
17
00:00:45,576 --> 00:00:48,046
I mean, at all.
18
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,380
Megan.
19
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:53,149
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
20
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,356
[Crying]
21
00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:02,748
- Hey. Everything okay?
- Hey.
22
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,693
- Yeah, everything's great.
- Okay.
23
00:01:04,703 --> 00:01:06,203
Then why are you chopping onions
24
00:01:06,213 --> 00:01:08,235
like a crazy person to mask your tears?
25
00:01:08,245 --> 00:01:10,419
- I don't do that.
- Ooh, onions.
26
00:01:10,429 --> 00:01:12,476
Why are you masking your tears?
27
00:01:12,486 --> 00:01:14,453
Does this have anything to do
with Junior's new girlfriend?
28
00:01:14,521 --> 00:01:16,120
What? Junior has a girlfriend?
29
00:01:16,189 --> 00:01:17,757
Wow. What a twist.
30
00:01:17,826 --> 00:01:19,959
Hold on. Wait a minute.
31
00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:21,850
Is it because she's white?
32
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- Dre, you're delusional.
- [Gasps]
33
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So you do see color!
34
00:01:26,772 --> 00:01:28,238
Dre, that's not who I am.
35
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Or is it who you are?
36
00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:32,108
Please let it be who you are.
37
00:01:32,177 --> 00:01:34,210
Look, this is something
that we could do together
38
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,712
- as we grow old.
- Ew.
39
00:01:35,781 --> 00:01:37,514
You know, some couples, they have golf?
40
00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:39,850
We can mistrust white people together.
41
00:01:39,919 --> 00:01:41,018
[Gasps]
42
00:01:41,087 --> 00:01:42,754
This could save our marriage.
43
00:01:42,822 --> 00:01:44,255
Oh, I'm getting so emotional.
44
00:01:44,324 --> 00:01:47,024
I think we should really
focus on Junior here.
45
00:01:47,093 --> 00:01:49,127
This is a huge moment.
It should be celebrated.
46
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:53,965
I mean, wildly, joyously,
ferociously celebrated.
47
00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:55,534
I'm trying to say
he is not an easy sell.
48
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He wears a cape.
49
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Hey! Do not talk about
my son's cape, okay?
50
00:01:59,107 --> 00:02:01,737
You are a grown man with bangs.
51
00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:04,903
These are tendrils.
52
00:02:06,339 --> 00:02:08,102
All right, look.
53
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,403
Corbin Blue is right.
54
00:02:09,471 --> 00:02:10,902
We should be celebrating this.
55
00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:12,402
Okay, well, unlike you, Dre,
56
00:02:12,470 --> 00:02:15,635
I'm not just gonna celebrate any
girl that Junior brings home.
57
00:02:15,704 --> 00:02:17,034
What if she's mean?
58
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,401
What if she's dumb?
59
00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:20,733
What if they don't have
anything in common?
60
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,981
_
61
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:25,866
[Sniffs] Mmm.
62
00:02:25,935 --> 00:02:27,777
- Ah.
- Megan.
63
00:02:28,677 --> 00:02:29,965
How'd you two meet?
64
00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:32,364
I was actually coming down
the hall when I noticed him.
65
00:02:32,433 --> 00:02:34,851
A couple of freshmen were
trying to take his backpack.
66
00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:37,377
You should have seen Megan
confront those girls.
67
00:02:37,387 --> 00:02:39,034
She was amazing.
68
00:02:39,101 --> 00:02:41,943
Well, I mean, Megan's
amazing at everything, so...
69
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:43,218
Oh, tell them about Brown.
70
00:02:43,286 --> 00:02:44,493
- Oh.
- Oh, stop it.
71
00:02:44,502 --> 00:02:47,663
Well, I actually got early
acceptance to go to Brown.
72
00:02:47,730 --> 00:02:48,938
Just like you, Mrs. Johnson.
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00:02:49,006 --> 00:02:52,174
Well, not just like me...
I was wait-listed. So...
74
00:02:52,184 --> 00:02:53,732
Junior: Isn't she great?
75
00:02:53,742 --> 00:02:55,141
_
76
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,587
- Oh!
- [Both laugh]
77
00:02:59,922 --> 00:03:01,523
It's because she's white.
78
00:03:01,591 --> 00:03:03,223
Oh, God.
79
00:03:06,429 --> 00:03:07,537
Hey.
80
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:09,825
How's my favorite
twin brother and sister?
81
00:03:09,892 --> 00:03:11,279
What do you want?
82
00:03:11,289 --> 00:03:13,159
What? I can't come in here to visit?
83
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,022
I'm gonna ask you this one more time,
84
00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,689
and then I'm gonna scream.
85
00:03:16,757 --> 00:03:17,671
What do you want?
86
00:03:17,738 --> 00:03:20,648
Money? An alibi? Clean urine?
87
00:03:20,715 --> 00:03:23,100
- I don't know why we can't...
- [Screams]
88
00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:24,376
Okay, fine.
89
00:03:24,443 --> 00:03:27,497
I need some extra credit
for my interior design class.
90
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:28,579
Mm-hmm.
91
00:03:28,588 --> 00:03:32,192
And Mom gave me a small
budget to redo your room.
92
00:03:32,259 --> 00:03:35,627
I mean, it's tired, baby-ish.
93
00:03:35,694 --> 00:03:36,903
Like the "J" and "D" on your wall.
94
00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:40,042
You don't need a "J" to tell you
where to sleep, Jack.
95
00:03:40,109 --> 00:03:41,873
The "J" is for Jack?
96
00:03:41,882 --> 00:03:45,177
Guys, you need something
a little bit more mature,
97
00:03:45,245 --> 00:03:47,662
something that doesn't say...
98
00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:49,658
"I still wear Pull-Ups."
99
00:03:51,687 --> 00:03:53,484
I trusted you.
100
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,880
Wow, so you're boy
101
00:03:56,890 --> 00:03:59,527
- got himself a snowflake.
- Yep.
102
00:03:59,537 --> 00:04:02,414
And he didn't even have to
become a professional athlete.
103
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,539
Josh: Oh, hey, Dre-Dawg,
maybe you can coach me.
104
00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:06,992
I'm getting nowhere with this
blonde hottie down at the gym,
105
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:08,758
and I already used my best line.
106
00:04:08,825 --> 00:04:11,996
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought
this was the men's room.
107
00:04:12,064 --> 00:04:13,207
[Clicks tongue]
108
00:04:13,274 --> 00:04:14,841
I'm not allowed to go
to that gym anymore.
109
00:04:14,909 --> 00:04:16,771
You're gonna have to
leave me out of this, all right?
110
00:04:16,838 --> 00:04:18,832
'Cause Junior, he did this on his own.
111
00:04:18,898 --> 00:04:20,826
My white-girl game is in shambles.
112
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,459
Why do you think I act so weird
around Kelly from Microsoft?
113
00:04:23,527 --> 00:04:25,499
Thank you for coming. I think
we're gonna come up with something
114
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,044
- you'll be very happy with.
- Oh, thank you.
115
00:04:27,113 --> 00:04:29,781
Thank you for coming
so very much, milady.
116
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,619
- Thank you.
- [Chuckles]
117
00:04:31,629 --> 00:04:32,636
A curtsy?
118
00:04:32,645 --> 00:04:34,724
I wish we was in jail
so I could shank you.
119
00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:36,146
What did you expect, man?
120
00:04:36,215 --> 00:04:37,824
I grew up in an all-black neighborhood.
121
00:04:37,893 --> 00:04:39,306
I went to an all-black college.
122
00:04:39,374 --> 00:04:41,082
I never mastered the art of white women.
123
00:04:41,151 --> 00:04:42,596
Stevens: It's not your fault, Dre.
124
00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:44,865
White women are probably
just scared of you.
125
00:04:44,933 --> 00:04:47,399
- I know my wife is.
- White women aren't scared of me.
126
00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:48,584
I can't keep them off me.
127
00:04:48,652 --> 00:04:50,558
My friends, they call me
"the bunny magnet."
128
00:04:50,626 --> 00:04:52,517
- Hm.
- Lord Snow.
129
00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:54,177
White Walker.
130
00:04:54,244 --> 00:04:56,448
Anglo-Saxon Jackson.
131
00:04:56,890 --> 00:04:58,553
I think I might be a sell-out.
132
00:04:58,621 --> 00:04:59,804
Right, now this is fascinating.
133
00:04:59,872 --> 00:05:04,376
Now, Charles, let's pretend
that I am a white woman
134
00:05:04,444 --> 00:05:07,963
walking through the produce
section of Trader Joe's.
135
00:05:08,031 --> 00:05:09,937
What do you say to get these pants off?
136
00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:12,076
Hmm. I would start by telling you
137
00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:14,807
that Aspen got two inches
of fresh powder last night.
138
00:05:14,874 --> 00:05:16,254
- Oh.
- Really?
139
00:05:16,322 --> 00:05:18,459
Then I would ask you, how close
are you to your father?
140
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,521
- I love my father.
- Is it fake snow or real snow?
141
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:21,761
Hey. Hey!
142
00:05:21,771 --> 00:05:24,899
Why am I seeing so much of this
and none of this?
143
00:05:24,965 --> 00:05:27,521
- Oh.
- Yeah, you guys need to get back to work
144
00:05:27,531 --> 00:05:31,110
on this Microsoft campaign
or all of you will be this.
145
00:05:31,177 --> 00:05:32,875
- [Groans]
- Ooh.
146
00:05:32,942 --> 00:05:34,378
- Ooh.
- So mad.
147
00:05:34,446 --> 00:05:37,574
And that's why I keeps me some snow.
148
00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:40,230
Junior: Hey, Mom? We'll see you later.
149
00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:41,635
Megan's gonna take me
to the part of the mall
150
00:05:41,702 --> 00:05:43,596
I've always been afraid to check out.
151
00:05:43,663 --> 00:05:45,557
- [Both laugh]
- Bye, Mrs. Johnson.
152
00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:47,944
Dr. Johnson. I'm a doctor.
153
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:49,867
Bye.
154
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:51,503
Oh, God.
155
00:05:51,512 --> 00:05:54,871
I noticed your eyes look
more haggard than usual.
156
00:05:54,881 --> 00:05:56,400
I know those tears.
157
00:05:56,468 --> 00:05:58,203
I've shed them a million times.
158
00:05:58,271 --> 00:06:00,334
This is about that
little Disney princess
159
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,101
that just left with you son, isn't it?
160
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,892
[Scoffs] No, Ruby, I-I have allergies.
161
00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:06,891
It's a rite of passage for a mother
162
00:06:06,959 --> 00:06:09,646
to hate the girl her son is with.
163
00:06:09,932 --> 00:06:13,154
The ember of hatred
will grow into a wildfire.
164
00:06:13,220 --> 00:06:14,990
And eventually, your one joy
165
00:06:15,057 --> 00:06:17,120
will be cutting a few subtle inches
166
00:06:17,188 --> 00:06:19,416
off her hair while she sleeps.
167
00:06:19,483 --> 00:06:20,990
- What?
- Huh?
168
00:06:21,057 --> 00:06:23,940
Okay. Okay, Ruby,
this is not about Junior
169
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,645
just bringing home some girl, okay?
170
00:06:25,711 --> 00:06:29,808
It's... it's about Junior
bringing home someone who's...
171
00:06:29,818 --> 00:06:30,949
[sighs]
172
00:06:30,959 --> 00:06:31,973
White.
173
00:06:32,195 --> 00:06:33,383
- What?
- I know.
174
00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,545
How the hell can you be mad at that?
175
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:36,595
You're a white.
176
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,562
I'm not a white... I mean, white.
177
00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:40,070
Eh... have you been cutting my hair?
178
00:06:40,137 --> 00:06:41,677
A black woman would know.
179
00:06:41,744 --> 00:06:42,791
Mnh-mnh.
180
00:06:42,859 --> 00:06:45,396
Okay. What Ruby's trying to say
181
00:06:45,464 --> 00:06:48,101
in her blissfully ignorant
yet always-offensive way
182
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:51,398
is that because my mother's
black but my father's white,
183
00:06:51,466 --> 00:06:53,509
I'm somehow not really black.
184
00:06:53,576 --> 00:06:56,383
Sadly, Rubeline's not the only one
185
00:06:56,393 --> 00:06:57,873
who thinks that's how it works.
186
00:06:57,883 --> 00:06:58,949
It's complicated.
187
00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:00,810
And it dates back to a time
when slave-owners
188
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:03,797
like Thomas Jefferson invited/ordered
189
00:07:03,864 --> 00:07:06,995
their slaves like Sally Hemings
up to their chambers,
190
00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:09,303
which resulted in
a bunch of folks like me
191
00:07:09,372 --> 00:07:11,281
they called mulattos.
192
00:07:11,350 --> 00:07:12,699
Crazy offensive name, right?
193
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,468
Well, crazier offensive origin,
because the word "mulatto"
194
00:07:15,537 --> 00:07:18,141
derived from the Spanish word for mule.
195
00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:20,251
But being mulatto
had another side to it.
196
00:07:20,318 --> 00:07:21,503
With a slave-owner daddy,
197
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,031
you may have been one of the few slaves
198
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,412
who learned to read, write,
or even got your freedom.
199
00:07:25,421 --> 00:07:27,827
Now of course this
preferential treatment,
200
00:07:27,837 --> 00:07:31,099
created major friction between
black people and mulattos.
201
00:07:31,167 --> 00:07:34,595
This complicated relationship
went on for generations.
202
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:37,068
But things started to change
with the Civil Rights Movement,
203
00:07:37,136 --> 00:07:38,914
which encouraged biracial people
204
00:07:38,982 --> 00:07:41,355
to embrace their heritage.
205
00:07:41,423 --> 00:07:45,369
Suddenly, being any kind
of black was the new black.
206
00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:48,741
One of the biggest wins
of the movement was in 1967,
207
00:07:48,809 --> 00:07:50,291
when the Loving vs Virginia case
208
00:07:50,358 --> 00:07:52,698
abolished anti-miscegenation laws,
209
00:07:52,766 --> 00:07:54,677
legalizing interracial marriage.
210
00:07:54,745 --> 00:07:56,721
Black and white people could finally get
211
00:07:56,789 --> 00:07:59,754
their interracial freak on
without fear of imprisonment.
212
00:07:59,823 --> 00:08:01,468
And by the early '90s,
213
00:08:01,536 --> 00:08:05,590
biracial births sky-rocketed
by over 500%.
214
00:08:05,658 --> 00:08:09,317
That's 500% more people
with an identity crisis
215
00:08:09,384 --> 00:08:11,197
who don't even know
what to call themselves
216
00:08:11,264 --> 00:08:14,296
and are always asking,
"Where do I fit in?"
217
00:08:14,364 --> 00:08:16,012
You don't. Accept it.
218
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,827
- Oh, come on.
- [Chuckles]
219
00:08:17,837 --> 00:08:20,298
Your problem is not
with Junior's girlfriend.
220
00:08:20,308 --> 00:08:21,954
It's with you.
221
00:08:22,214 --> 00:08:25,323
You can't like her
if you don't like yourself.
222
00:08:25,391 --> 00:08:27,859
And you don't even know who you are.
223
00:08:28,338 --> 00:08:31,251
- I know who I am, Ruby.
- Yeah.
224
00:08:31,318 --> 00:08:33,585
I know exactly who I am.
225
00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:35,016
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
226
00:08:41,028 --> 00:08:42,911
Ugh.
227
00:08:42,978 --> 00:08:45,919
You will never believe
what Ruby just said to me.
228
00:08:45,928 --> 00:08:49,136
Oh, I'll believe anything that
comes out of that woman's mouth.
229
00:08:52,393 --> 00:08:54,834
Ruby: Mm.
230
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,388
We're not related, you know.
231
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,665
[Gulps]
232
00:09:00,027 --> 00:09:01,256
The scary thing is,
233
00:09:01,266 --> 00:09:03,392
I'm not entirely sure
it's not gonna happen.
234
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,783
- You have a say in this.
- I'm not sure that I do.
235
00:09:05,850 --> 00:09:09,221
Ugh, okay. Anyway,
Ruby actually said to me
236
00:09:09,288 --> 00:09:11,645
that the reason I don't love myself
237
00:09:11,711 --> 00:09:13,804
is because I don't know who I am.
238
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:16,327
Well, you have always had
a bit of an identity issue.
239
00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:20,379
_
240
00:09:20,389 --> 00:09:22,616
How come there's not a box for both?
241
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:24,972
Baby, you better check black.
242
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,869
It was confusing.
243
00:09:28,937 --> 00:09:30,899
Didn't you ever struggle
with which box to check?
244
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:32,339
I mean, if you check one,
245
00:09:32,407 --> 00:09:33,847
you're denying a whole part of yourself.
246
00:09:33,914 --> 00:09:36,793
Yeah, I had to do
a lot of self-inventory
247
00:09:36,861 --> 00:09:40,246
before I discovered who I was
and how to be proud of that.
248
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:44,390
- And who are you?
- I'm m?lange.
249
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,747
- Oh, my God, Johan.
- What? It's French for "mixed."
250
00:09:46,816 --> 00:09:48,418
What's French for "stab victim"?
251
00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:49,892
Look, say what you want.
252
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,772
Sounds like you need to do
some self-inventory.
253
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:53,982
Hmm.
254
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:56,398
- Did you cut your hair?
- [Footsteps approaching]
255
00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:00,305
Ruby: Ooh. I dropped my book.
256
00:10:00,373 --> 00:10:04,297
Somebody better take his shirt
off and help me pick that up.
257
00:10:04,574 --> 00:10:06,136
Mmm.
258
00:10:06,204 --> 00:10:09,361
So, I've gathered a couple
ideas for the remodel.
259
00:10:09,428 --> 00:10:10,403
Oh.
260
00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:12,618
Okay.
261
00:10:12,685 --> 00:10:14,507
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, okay.
262
00:10:14,575 --> 00:10:15,451
Uh-huh.
263
00:10:15,519 --> 00:10:16,495
Okay.
264
00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:20,045
Hey!
265
00:10:20,112 --> 00:10:21,803
Can we have a frank conversation?
266
00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:24,768
- You seem out of your league.
- Yeah. Strips and polka dots?
267
00:10:24,835 --> 00:10:26,233
We want a more mature look.
268
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:29,620
Mahogany, stainless steel, leather.
269
00:10:29,688 --> 00:10:32,845
We want it to look like the
VIP lounge at American Airlines.
270
00:10:32,912 --> 00:10:34,311
I have $62.
271
00:10:34,378 --> 00:10:36,510
Fine. Delta Airlines.
272
00:10:37,766 --> 00:10:39,685
- Okay, we'll put it all around.
- So, so... so you mean to tell me
273
00:10:39,753 --> 00:10:43,073
that you have two John Mayer
tickets on you at all times?
274
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:44,929
At all times.
275
00:10:44,997 --> 00:10:47,047
That is amazing.
276
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,001
Man, he isn't even touring right now.
277
00:10:49,068 --> 00:10:51,477
Mm-hmm. They tried to offer me
Dave Matthews tickets,
278
00:10:51,544 --> 00:10:52,910
but I don't want a woman that white.
279
00:10:52,976 --> 00:10:53,970
- I feel you.
- Mm.
280
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,779
That is going in
the white-girl Bible, huh?
281
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,469
Ooh, don't I look handsome?
282
00:10:57,536 --> 00:10:59,815
Uh, you want to know
what I say to get white women?
283
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,231
That's my jet.
284
00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:02,800
- It's that simple?
- Mm.
285
00:11:02,810 --> 00:11:04,880
Okay. So we got white chicks down,
286
00:11:04,890 --> 00:11:06,884
but what if I want to talk
to a black woman?
287
00:11:06,951 --> 00:11:08,325
Whoa, whoa. Wait, man.
288
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,652
I need help with Kelly, all right?
289
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:10,792
Let's stay on track.
290
00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:12,323
No, no, actually, let's not.
291
00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:16,232
Uh, Charles, what is the safest
way to talk to a sistah?
292
00:11:16,298 --> 00:11:18,478
Well, in my experience, I have found out
293
00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,237
that women of color actually love
294
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,761
to be addressed by their color.
295
00:11:21,771 --> 00:11:23,279
- "Hey, green eyes."
- Dre: Mm. Mm.
296
00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:24,511
"What's up, purple jeans"?
297
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:25,954
I see you, white French tips.
298
00:11:25,964 --> 00:11:28,376
Okay. Okay, let me try. Let me try.
299
00:11:28,386 --> 00:11:30,810
Uh, hey, red blood-shot eyes.
300
00:11:32,144 --> 00:11:32,961
- Ooh.
- Oh.
301
00:11:33,028 --> 00:11:34,172
- Yeah.
- Double barrel.
302
00:11:34,239 --> 00:11:35,645
Did not like that.
303
00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:38,462
So I've been thinking.
304
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,854
Oh, you mean taking self-inventory?
305
00:11:40,864 --> 00:11:42,883
Can you please take a break
from being so pretentious?
306
00:11:42,951 --> 00:11:44,521
Your mother-in-law thinks it's cute.
307
00:11:44,588 --> 00:11:45,830
You're playing with fire.
308
00:11:45,898 --> 00:11:48,614
I know, but I can't help it.
There's something...
309
00:11:48,681 --> 00:11:50,906
Okay. That's gross.
Really, really gross.
310
00:11:50,974 --> 00:11:52,511
Listen, you were right.
311
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,247
I've been confused most of my life.
312
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,685
Do you remember me in high school?
313
00:11:57,752 --> 00:12:00,697
I was, like, totally. I mean, as if.
314
00:12:00,765 --> 00:12:02,390
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
315
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,071
[Inhales sharply]
Yeah, that was a bad time.
316
00:12:04,138 --> 00:12:05,282
I couldn't help it, though.
317
00:12:05,351 --> 00:12:06,920
I mean, that's who we grew up around.
318
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,394
Those were my friends.
319
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:09,179
Were they?
320
00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:10,575
[Laughs]
321
00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:12,521
You should, like, totally audition
for the theater this year.
322
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:13,517
Oh, yeah.
323
00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:15,370
We could really use some
strong black actors.
324
00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:16,614
- Oh. Cool.
- You know?
325
00:12:16,681 --> 00:12:18,316
- Toodles.
- Toodles.
326
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,737
_
327
00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:22,442
[Screams]
328
00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:24,586
Toto!
329
00:12:24,652 --> 00:12:26,012
Johan: A flying monkey?
330
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,257
- Why did you agree to do it?
- Admittedly, mistakes were made,
331
00:12:29,267 --> 00:12:30,394
but if you were in that situation,
332
00:12:30,461 --> 00:12:31,985
you just... You overcompensate.
333
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,055
You do what you can...
334
00:12:33,123 --> 00:12:34,743
- Hey, I get it.
- to fit in.
335
00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:38,150
In college, with my black
friends, I went in hella hard.
336
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:39,838
What up, y'all? Oh!
337
00:12:39,905 --> 00:12:41,656
Boom, boom, boom. Ah.
338
00:12:41,723 --> 00:12:46,166
It's "R" to the "A" to the "I" to the...
339
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,243
Rainbow! Wha-ooh!
340
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,443
In hindsight,
I wish I had just said hello.
341
00:12:50,453 --> 00:12:52,592
So you leaned into
a few dumb stereotypes
342
00:12:52,658 --> 00:12:54,603
to try and get people's approval.
Everybody does it.
343
00:12:54,671 --> 00:12:56,064
Yeah, but not everybody is pulled
344
00:12:56,131 --> 00:12:58,856
into day-to-day situations where
they're forced to pick a side.
345
00:12:58,923 --> 00:13:00,738
Woman: We the jury in the
above entitled action
346
00:13:00,805 --> 00:13:03,724
find the defendant Orenthal
James Simpson not guilty of...
347
00:13:03,791 --> 00:13:06,449
[Cheers] Oh, my God!
348
00:13:06,515 --> 00:13:08,884
Oh, my... Oh, my God.
349
00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:10,149
[Sighs]
350
00:13:10,216 --> 00:13:12,323
- I'm so confused.
- Oh, O.J. did it.
351
00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:14,758
I meant, I can't believe
I'm still asking myself
352
00:13:14,825 --> 00:13:16,867
these same questions
after all these years.
353
00:13:16,934 --> 00:13:18,325
Stop being so hard on yourself.
354
00:13:18,335 --> 00:13:20,475
Okay, besides, I know who you are.
355
00:13:21,444 --> 00:13:24,547
- You're "R" to the "A" to the "I"...
- Please don't do that. Don't do that.
356
00:13:24,557 --> 00:13:26,602
- I don't want to remember that.
- Hey, you remember? You were amazing.
357
00:13:26,669 --> 00:13:28,484
[Laughs] Where's Ruby?
358
00:13:28,552 --> 00:13:30,140
- Oh, no.
- That is a good call.
359
00:13:30,207 --> 00:13:33,549
That is not how you pick up
a pack of Korean women.
360
00:13:33,616 --> 00:13:36,396
First of all, a group of Korean
women is called a raft.
361
00:13:36,464 --> 00:13:38,415
Uh, actually, according to this,
362
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:43,415
- a raft is a group of otters.
- Hm?
363
00:13:43,484 --> 00:13:45,402
You know what? It is.
364
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,488
It is. It... it really is.
365
00:13:47,556 --> 00:13:49,938
We are screwed.
All right, either we focus up
366
00:13:50,005 --> 00:13:52,454
or we demand that Microsoft
sends us somebody black.
367
00:13:52,522 --> 00:13:54,738
It's just one white woman.
368
00:13:54,806 --> 00:13:56,062
What are you afraid of, Dre?
369
00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:58,048
A man's spit game is like a comic's.
370
00:13:58,117 --> 00:13:59,406
All right, some comics can cross over
371
00:13:59,474 --> 00:14:02,253
to all audiences, and some can't.
372
00:14:02,321 --> 00:14:03,578
And I'm Steve Harvey.
373
00:14:03,646 --> 00:14:06,193
My material only works on black women.
374
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,644
Really? Is that who
his material works on?
375
00:14:08,712 --> 00:14:10,134
Don't you talk about Steve Harvey.
376
00:14:10,201 --> 00:14:11,652
That man is a treasure.
377
00:14:11,719 --> 00:14:12,945
He brought us four-button suits
378
00:14:13,011 --> 00:14:15,818
and brought back giant teeth
and the man wig.
379
00:14:15,885 --> 00:14:16,981
I will not hear it from you.
380
00:14:17,047 --> 00:14:18,208
You watch your mouth.
381
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,985
That's a man wig?
I totally thought it was real.
382
00:14:20,051 --> 00:14:21,050
I had no idea.
383
00:14:21,116 --> 00:14:22,465
Hey. How's it coming, dumb-dumbs?
384
00:14:22,475 --> 00:14:23,730
- Uh...
- Oh, well, it turns out, a raft...
385
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:26,058
"How to holler at Mexican women"?
386
00:14:26,068 --> 00:14:27,604
What? "One...
387
00:14:27,671 --> 00:14:30,382
remember, they love playing Sudoku."
388
00:14:30,448 --> 00:14:31,933
What the hell have y'all
been doing in here?
389
00:14:31,998 --> 00:14:33,127
- Just trying to stay fresh.
- Otters.
390
00:14:33,194 --> 00:14:34,742
- Mostly research.
- We kind of got sidetracked.
391
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,479
Sidetracked?
Do you know how stupid this is?
392
00:14:37,489 --> 00:14:40,425
First of all, everybody knows
the key to Mexican women
393
00:14:40,492 --> 00:14:42,944
is the same as it is for Mexican men...
394
00:14:43,010 --> 00:14:45,592
Compliment their eyebrows
and take them to Benihana.
395
00:14:45,658 --> 00:14:47,949
- That's right.
- Benihana.
396
00:14:48,016 --> 00:14:50,371
- Knives are flipping in the air.
- So much sense. Okay.
397
00:14:50,747 --> 00:14:52,395
Dre: All right. Here you go, baby.
398
00:14:52,405 --> 00:14:54,519
Made you a sandwich
on gluten-free bread.
399
00:14:54,529 --> 00:14:56,239
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
400
00:14:56,309 --> 00:14:59,871
Why am I so bothered
by Junior dating that girl?
401
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:03,935
Dre, when I brought you home,
my dad did not act this way.
402
00:15:04,042 --> 00:15:05,723
He was very good to you.
403
00:15:05,792 --> 00:15:07,102
He was.
404
00:15:07,171 --> 00:15:08,951
I was not expecting that.
405
00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:11,137
You know, he was the first
white man to hug me.
406
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:12,651
[Laughs] What?
407
00:15:12,721 --> 00:15:14,063
- And the last white man I ever hugged.
- Hm.
408
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:16,182
But I got to give it up to your pops.
409
00:15:16,252 --> 00:15:19,713
You know, he was friendly
and chill from jump.
410
00:15:19,782 --> 00:15:21,764
- He was probably high.
- He was definitely high.
411
00:15:21,835 --> 00:15:23,580
- Mm.
- Yeah.
412
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:26,449
Good thing he didn't turn out
to be a hater like you.
413
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,736
Hey. Don't change.
414
00:15:28,746 --> 00:15:31,215
Dre was right. I was being a hater.
415
00:15:31,285 --> 00:15:33,703
How was my dad so cool?
416
00:15:33,772 --> 00:15:35,901
And why was he always so high?
417
00:15:39,692 --> 00:15:42,299
- Bow-Bow girl!
- Hi, Daddy.
418
00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:45,830
Oh, my God. That's Kelly.
419
00:15:45,898 --> 00:15:47,079
Is today Thursday?
420
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,609
Okay, guys, really,
what do we actually have
421
00:15:49,676 --> 00:15:50,923
for the Microsoft presentation?
422
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,236
Nothing. We're not ready.
423
00:15:52,304 --> 00:15:55,917
Oh, my God. Okay, guys,
we have got to wing it.
424
00:15:55,984 --> 00:15:58,709
We cannot wing a
presentation to Microsoft.
425
00:15:58,777 --> 00:16:00,384
Man, you better ask for an extension.
426
00:16:00,452 --> 00:16:03,243
I can't. I spent the money on jet fuel.
427
00:16:03,311 --> 00:16:05,313
- What?
- Look, we're gonna be fine.
428
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,302
Everyone just remember
what Snow J. Pimpson taught you.
429
00:16:08,370 --> 00:16:09,781
Charlie, what the hell
are you talking...
430
00:16:09,849 --> 00:16:10,899
Hi, guys. How are you?
431
00:16:10,966 --> 00:16:12,146
- Hey.
- Hi.
432
00:16:12,214 --> 00:16:13,826
[Irish accent] Top o'
the morning to you lassie.
433
00:16:13,836 --> 00:16:15,896
- Oh, for God's sakes.
- What the hell was that?
434
00:16:15,906 --> 00:16:17,699
I'm looking forward to hearing
what you guys have for me today.
435
00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:19,899
Yes, we have an amazing presentation.
436
00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:22,364
This is for, as you know,
the Microsoft Surface,
437
00:16:22,432 --> 00:16:26,574
which is a laptop, amazing,
incredibly powerful machine.
438
00:16:26,584 --> 00:16:29,639
- And, Josh, you pick it up.
- What?
439
00:16:29,648 --> 00:16:32,253
Uh, yes. It has a screen.
440
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,342
And it comes with a pen,
which does pen things.
441
00:16:35,409 --> 00:16:37,805
Okay, Kelly, you know what? No more B.S.
442
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,284
- Cards on the table.
- Mm-hmm.
443
00:16:39,351 --> 00:16:42,733
We had an amazing presentation
ready for you this morning,
444
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,775
but then we got a bomb threat
from the North Koreans.
445
00:16:45,785 --> 00:16:47,530
- We lost power...
- Please stop.
446
00:16:47,597 --> 00:16:48,844
Yep. Okay.
447
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,209
I'm afraid this isn't
gonna work, you guys.
448
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:54,231
[Normal voice] Hold on.
Wait... wait a minute. Um...
449
00:16:54,299 --> 00:16:57,287
Yes, we stopped doing work for days,
450
00:16:57,355 --> 00:17:02,279
but that is what's great
about the Surface, Kelly.
451
00:17:02,453 --> 00:17:04,699
It allows you to do everything.
452
00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:08,424
The Microsoft Surface...
453
00:17:08,492 --> 00:17:13,024
It's what you work on even
when you are not doing work.
454
00:17:13,445 --> 00:17:14,520
Hm.
455
00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:16,212
- Mm?
- [Gasps]
456
00:17:20,615 --> 00:17:21,828
You've got to be kidding me.
457
00:17:21,896 --> 00:17:23,209
- Okay.
- Okay. Well, you know,
458
00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:24,589
I swung for the fences.
459
00:17:24,656 --> 00:17:26,954
Listen, guys, if you're not
gonna be able to focus,
460
00:17:27,021 --> 00:17:28,926
I'm gonna have to rethink
this entire relationship.
461
00:17:28,992 --> 00:17:31,061
- Whoa, whoa, Kelly.
- Please don't.
462
00:17:31,129 --> 00:17:33,098
- I really think you're just...
- [Clears throat]
463
00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:35,627
John Mayer? Tonight?
464
00:17:35,695 --> 00:17:37,382
I didn't even know he was touring.
465
00:17:37,392 --> 00:17:40,223
- Charlie: Pick you up at 8:00?
- Can you make it 8:30?
466
00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:43,079
It was probably gonna be
around that time anyway.
467
00:17:43,147 --> 00:17:45,673
Let me walk you out. [Chuckles]
468
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:47,150
I think we gonna be fine.
469
00:17:47,217 --> 00:17:49,448
So, how close are you to your father?
470
00:17:51,343 --> 00:17:53,190
Rainbow: [Gasps] Oh, my God. Dad.
471
00:17:53,257 --> 00:17:55,816
- What?
- [Laughs] Okay, these are amazing.
472
00:17:55,884 --> 00:17:58,869
- Awe, look how adorable I am here.
- That's your brother.
473
00:17:58,937 --> 00:18:00,018
- It is?
- Mm-hmm.
474
00:18:00,086 --> 00:18:03,859
Oops. Oh, God, we look so much alike.
475
00:18:03,927 --> 00:18:05,599
So, Dad, I came out here
476
00:18:05,666 --> 00:18:07,667
'cause I want to talk to you
about something important.
477
00:18:07,734 --> 00:18:10,294
Is is the fact that I live in
a bus that runs on human waste?
478
00:18:10,361 --> 00:18:13,281
Nope. I gave up on that battle
a long time ago, Dad.
479
00:18:13,349 --> 00:18:14,713
- Oh, oh, okay.
- I wanted to ask you a question.
480
00:18:14,723 --> 00:18:15,964
Yeah.
481
00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:18,697
Junior came home with a girlfriend,
482
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,534
she's white, and it
totally freaked me out.
483
00:18:21,602 --> 00:18:22,953
- What?!
- I know. God, I know.
484
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:24,965
- I'm so ashamed of myself.
- Junior has a girlfriend?
485
00:18:25,033 --> 00:18:26,506
Did you have some kind of party for him?
486
00:18:26,516 --> 00:18:29,420
This should be celebrated...
Wildly, joyously.
487
00:18:29,488 --> 00:18:31,367
Dad, did you hear what I said?
488
00:18:31,434 --> 00:18:33,765
- The kid wears capes.
- Yeah. [Chuckles]
489
00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:36,613
No, Bow-Bow, I get it.
490
00:18:37,354 --> 00:18:40,176
A mother often sees who her son's with
491
00:18:40,243 --> 00:18:42,287
- as a reflection of herself.
- Mm.
492
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,833
You're a black woman.
493
00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:46,092
So Junior bringing home a white girl,
494
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,716
it's making you feel a certain way.
495
00:18:49,159 --> 00:18:50,750
- Dad.
- Mm?
496
00:18:50,817 --> 00:18:52,159
You see me as a black woman?
497
00:18:52,169 --> 00:18:53,776
Well, that's what you are, sweetie.
498
00:18:53,786 --> 00:18:57,309
Yeah, but you're my dad
and you are white
499
00:18:57,376 --> 00:18:59,670
and that's half of me. Right?
500
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,441
And I love that half of me.
501
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,131
So do I. And nothing can change that.
502
00:19:04,682 --> 00:19:06,919
But look at this. Yeah.
503
00:19:06,986 --> 00:19:09,520
- Remember this day?
- Oh, yeah, I do.
504
00:19:09,529 --> 00:19:11,837
All the awkward stares and comments
505
00:19:11,905 --> 00:19:14,067
from people who didn't think
I was your father?
506
00:19:14,077 --> 00:19:15,610
Well, I knew then,
507
00:19:15,677 --> 00:19:18,037
way before you had a chance
to decide for yourself,
508
00:19:18,105 --> 00:19:21,407
that the world had already
made that choice for you.
509
00:19:21,417 --> 00:19:23,318
You were black.
510
00:19:23,385 --> 00:19:26,500
God, I struggled with that
so much growing up.
511
00:19:27,098 --> 00:19:29,811
But you did... You got through it.
512
00:19:30,393 --> 00:19:32,468
- Wow.
- Eventually, you met Dre.
513
00:19:32,536 --> 00:19:34,285
You fell in love.
514
00:19:34,353 --> 00:19:36,862
And you had that big,
beautiful family of yours.
515
00:19:36,931 --> 00:19:40,182
My big, beautiful, black family.
516
00:19:40,192 --> 00:19:44,364
But now, because Junior
likes a white girl,
517
00:19:44,432 --> 00:19:48,032
it feels like, uh... a rejection.
518
00:19:48,101 --> 00:19:51,106
- Exactly. That's exactly it.
- Yeah.
519
00:19:51,174 --> 00:19:53,220
Yeah, and it's making you second-guess
520
00:19:53,289 --> 00:19:55,237
the choices that you've made.
521
00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:57,087
Here... Here's the thing, love.
522
00:19:57,183 --> 00:19:59,235
You know who you are.
523
00:19:59,770 --> 00:20:01,256
I know who I am.
524
00:20:02,905 --> 00:20:04,393
Thank you.
525
00:20:05,328 --> 00:20:07,042
[Chuckles]
526
00:20:08,195 --> 00:20:09,935
So there it was.
527
00:20:09,945 --> 00:20:13,872
I had to go back to my past
to look at my future.
528
00:20:16,402 --> 00:20:17,674
Thanks, Dad.
529
00:20:20,478 --> 00:20:21,957
Ta-da!
530
00:20:22,817 --> 00:20:24,951
Well, what do you think
of your new room?
531
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,003
- It's nice.
- Nice?
532
00:20:27,073 --> 00:20:30,637
Yeah, it's just... Something feels off.
533
00:20:30,706 --> 00:20:31,781
Yeah.
534
00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:34,877
What? It's everything you asked for.
535
00:20:34,945 --> 00:20:39,082
Fashionable beds, accent
pillows, privacy partition...
536
00:20:39,151 --> 00:20:42,917
It's totally grown up...
The opposite of a baby room.
537
00:20:42,987 --> 00:20:45,474
You're right. Totally grown up.
538
00:20:45,967 --> 00:20:48,635
Yeah, no more kid stuff.
539
00:20:50,186 --> 00:20:51,294
You know what?
540
00:20:51,363 --> 00:20:55,096
There's actually one thing
I forgot to add.
541
00:20:56,140 --> 00:20:57,585
There it is.
542
00:20:57,654 --> 00:20:59,612
Now I know which bed is mine.
543
00:20:59,673 --> 00:21:00,756
I need that "J."
544
00:21:00,765 --> 00:21:02,615
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
545
00:21:02,665 --> 00:21:07,215
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