All language subtitles for Blackish s03e06 Jack of All Trades.eng

Dre: When I was growing up,

I heard my parents talk
about the American Dream,

and it sounded pretty good...
Modest home, honest job,

and a Grand Canyon family vacation.

But for my generation,
it changed a little bit...

Nicer home, better job,

and a Hawaiian family vacation.

And for this generation after
me, it's just gone insane.

The American Dream
has become an actual dream,

something most of us can only
achieve when we're sleeping,

which means as parents,
all we can do is push our kids

to be all they can be
so they can have a chance

of getting their piece of
whatever their American Dream is.

We got our career tests back!

It says I'm gonna be
in a position of power

in a political organization!

- Oh, that is amazing!
- Way to go!

And I'm gonna be a member of a
unionized group of skilled laborers.

- Oh.
- Oh.

[Clears throat] Boom!

Here you go, babe. There you go.

Now, you enjoy that.

Mm. No, you taste it first.

I'm not falling for that again.

Did you talk to Jack?

- Well, he's legitimately excited about...
- What?

Becoming a mechanic,
a welder, or a lumberjack.

Seems like he really just
wants to lose a finger.

Pops: I don't see what the problem is.
Welders, mechanics, all of that...

Those are good-paying union jobs, son.

Hey, look, Pops, nobody is saying that.

All I'm saying is that I don't
need a test telling my son

what he's going to be
for the rest of his life.

Exactly. Because it will affect his
mind-set going into middle school,

which will affect his mind-set
going into high school,

which will affect his mind-set
going into college...

- College?
- Come on.

- You're getting ahead of yourself, now.
- Just a little bit.

Why don't you relax and have
some of that ice cream?

Yeah, I mean, who says the boy
is going to college anyway?

I mean, look at me. I didn't go.
My life's pretty great.

- You live off us.
- And that's pretty great.

Besides, you don't need
college to get a job.

Pops. We don't want him to have a job.
We want him to have a career.

Why? Like your high-powered lives

- are so terrific?
- What?

You're both too busy to pick up
your own children from school.

You gotta send a drunk old man.

You drove the kids drunk?

Not that it's any of
your business, but I Uber'd.

- Uh... What...
- The point is,

I worked a nice, honest
9-to-5 factory job

so that I could come home and be
with my family every night.

But you never came home.

But I could have.

See, what you need to be
worried about is Diane.

A person of power
in a political organization?

- What the hell does that even mean?
- Well, it doesn't mean

she's gonna be a heartless
dictator or a tyrant.

She's a very sweet little girl.

- She's right behind you.
- Oh, God!

Okay. Okay. Look, everybody, chill.

- Makes my point.
- Okay?

We'll get some answers.
Give me some damn ice cream.

Unh-unh, don't you eat that, baby.

Got freezer burn...

and monkeypox.

[School bell rings]

I'm glad you guys came in.

I think I know what you're here
to talk about.

It's not gonna be easy,

but I think there's something
we can do about Diane.

Wait, what? No, we're no... we're
not here to talk about Diane.

Oh, this is about you missing the
last two parent-teacher conferences?

Huh?

[Inhales sharply] Oh.

You want to talk about
your father's drinking.

- No.
- Uh. You know what?

Actually, why don't you
just let us lead this?

We are here to talk about Jack
and his career aptitude test.

Yes. We feel that you've
pigeonholed him into hard labor.

Yeah. And these tests can
be wildly inaccurate.

When I was a kid, they tested me

and they said I was
gonna be a pediatrician.

I mean, what?!

[Laughing] That's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous.

[Clears throat]

Okay. We...

we don't want our son thinking

that this is the only thing
that he's capable of.

Because in our house,
we raise our children

to believe that they can be anything.

- Anything.
- I know.

Jack told me you
said he could be a snowman.

- Prove that he can't.
- Look, it sounds like you're putting

too much emphasis on this test.

I mean, Jack's nine.

He's a sweet, considerate,
hard-working kid.

- He is.
- You're raising a good person.

- Aw, he's such a good person.
- He is.

- Yes, he... he really is.
- Yeah.

- Now, Diane on the other hand...
- Nope. Gotta go.

B-But, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, please.

We would rather not.
We're gonna leave on an up.

- Thank you.
- Teachers are scared.

Are you still thinking about how
that test ruined your life, friend?

Nope.

Well, you should be.
You really crashed and burned.

Maybe these blocks are more your speed.

Thanks!

[Laughs lightly] Um...

why aren't you crying?

I'm belittling your future!
The blocks spell "bum."

You are a bum.

Ruby: Diane.

Come here, sweetie.

Sit down.

[Sighs]

I've been noticing you've been
a bit cruel to your brother.

Long-head or Dumb-dumb?

It's time for a little more God
in your life, child.

Let us turn to the Good Book.

Psalm 145, verse 8.

"The Lord is passionate!"

"The Lord is gracious!"

- [Vomits]
- Oh, Lord!

Oh, Black Jesus.

Mm.

I'm telling you,
your baby sister is possessed.

You think everyone is possessed.

You thought I was possessed when
I was practicing my Spanish.

- Yeah, well...
- Grandma, Diane only threw up

because she baked a "Jack Is Dumb" cake

and ate the whole thing in front of him.

She maybe be greedy and mean...

And spiteful and vindictive...

And petty and a horrible
travel companion...

but she's not possessed.

Listen. I'm telling you.

She has a nastiness
that smacks of the devil.

[Whines]

Bow and I were feeling
pretty good about Jack

after our meeting with Principal Green.

So I should've known to call in sick.

So what? He's good at working
with his hands. Good for him.

Doesn't mean that that's what
he's gonna grow up to do.

- He's only nine!
- He's already nine?

Late bloomer, huh?

I had already bought and sold my
first company by the time I was nine.

I killed a burglar when I was nine.

[Book closes] Oh my God. So did I.

Come on.

Hey, you know what, I'm not
gonna listen to any of this.

Jack is fine.

Like his principal said,
"He's a good person."

Outstanding. A good person.

I love good people.

- Good people are the best.
- World needs more good people.

[Whispering] They keep
saying "good people," Dre.

Like it's a code for something.

[Whispering] Uh-huh.

I'm gonna ball my fists up.

It may be go time.

Mr. Stephens: I surround myself
with good people.

My butler, my stablemen,
my fleet of maids, all good people.

Wonderfully docile. And one day,
they will be our food supply.

[Both laugh]

You know what? I think they
might have been just joking.

I'm gonna un-ball one of my fists.

Keep one in the chamber. [Clicks]

Why do I keep opening up to you guys?

- It is strange.
- Dre, you should be proud!

Craftsmanship is
the cornerstone of America.

Now, I know that you like to say
that slaves built this country,

but they weren't our only heroes.

Oh, no, no. Paid white craftsmen
served with honor right beside them.

- Where's their seven-part mini-series?
- Exactly. Exactly. Look.

You make something with your hands
and you can say, "I built that"!

Now, that's the...
That's the kind of pride

that your son is gonna have
every day of his life.

So you'd be cool if Connie built
houses and worked on cars?

Who, him? No, no, no, no, no.

I love him.

[Laughs] Oh, God. Can you imagine?

Look at me, I'm a hand-worker. Ooh.

All right? It's like this.

Is that a hammer?

Oh! I don't know.

I don't know what they are.

I don't want that kind
of life for Eustace.

I saw what manual labor did to my dad.

- Back-breaking work.
- Oh. What did he do?

He was a back breaker. I just said that.

No one listens to me here.

Okay, ho-hold up.
You're saying it's okay

for my son to work a trade,
but not yours?

Why? Because your son's white?

No. Come on. That's ridiculous.

Look, if... if Connie
were Asian or Indian,

it would also be a tragedy because
he's not living up to his potential.

But a young black child defying the odds

and growing up and becoming
a union carpenter?

My God. He could be on the cover
of Jet magazine.

[Whispering] Why isn't your fist balled?

When I got home, it didn't take long

to whip Bow up
into the same frenzy I was in.

Rainbow: Well, screw them!
He's the son of a doctor.

Okay, let's be real.

You didn't really think
he was gonna be a doctor.

Well, not a doctor doctor.

But I mean, there's
plenty other B.S. doctors.

Like a podiatrist, a chiropractor,

or... I'd even take psychologist.

Okay. You know what?
We gotta really push Jack.

From now on, we're no longer
watching "Wheel of Fortune."

We are a "Jeopardy!" family.

Ohhh.

[Squelching]

Pops: There you go. Nice.

That's it. That's it.

Pops is teaching me
how to become a plumber!

Boy got a real future.

[Whispering] Yeah. Nine-fingered future.

[Sighing] Oh, God.

- Hey, Pops!
- Yeah?

You told Jack that it was
cool to be a plumber?

Nothing wrong with having
an honest trade.

I never worked harder
than when I was a plumber.

Is that right?

Ah! Ah! My back! Ah!

[Thud]

It's not my fault that Nixon
extended disability

to anybody who could read a poster.

- Mm-hmm.
- Had me working long hours

so I could put food on the table.

Is that right?

My wrist! My wrist!

[Sobs] My other wrist!

My ankle's starting to swell a little.

The problem is, you two think
that you white-collar people

are better than us blue-collar people.

I don't think I'm better than anyone.

Well, now, that's the first time
I've agreed with you.

- She's worse than everybody.
- Okay.

W-We've set those kids up

to continue down the road that we pave.

For them, blue collar
is going backwards.

And we're not crazy for wanting
our son to go to college!

And grad school!

I went to grad school, okay?

And you want him to do as
well as his best parent.

- I... Really?
- What?

Y-You choose right now
to go there with that?

- No, I'm just...
- Okay, just hold on.

But listen, every generation

is supposed to do better than the last.

You need to back up off me,
first of all.

And second of all, the truth is,
you're threatened.

Yeah! 'Cause you can't do nothing!

You should see your face

every time a working man
comes in this house.

Hey. Say, what are you working on there?

Oh.

An arc fault circuit...

Fault... Circuit...

Both: interrupter.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.

That's what I use.

Before you know it,
we're gonna be a country

full of YouTubing selfie-takers
living in houses full of [bleep]

'cause nobody knows
how to fix a damn toilet.

Yeah! Everybody thinks they're
too good for those jobs now.

Entire middle class is disappearing!

[Whispering] I know one member
of the middle class

that doesn't seem
to want to go anywhere.

Dre: Look here, Pops, I know
you think you're helping Jack,

but I'm gonna ask you
to stay out of this one, okay?

We are going to handle this.

Uh, hold on... I-I-I... Hmm.

I'll handle this. I'm smarter.

Sure is.

Sure ain't.

I am, though.

You see, this is why people
worry about us.

- No one's worried about us.
- Moments like this.

- What?
- It's bad. It's ugly.

It's petty. It causes resentment...

- What?
- contempt... affairs.

All right. Read it back to me, baby.

- "I will let in the light of the Lord."
- Mm-hmm.

"I will let in the light of the Lord."

- Yes.
- "I will let in the light...

- Ah! Oh!
- of the Lord."

"I will let in the light of the Lord."

Hey.

That's proof. Satan
flinches at holy water.

White Zinfandel isn't holy.

Talk to me after your
first divorce. [Scoffs]

Oh, look, Mom. I fixed this.

Now when the baby starts crawling,

it won't slip like Diane and I
did when we were babies.

Aww. That is so sweet.

Let me see.

[Thuds]

Let's work on something useful,

like conjugating Latin.

Where are your
dead-language flash cards?

- In my backpack.
- Oh!

Oh. But I think I left it at school.

Are you sure?

I-Is it behind me?

[Clears throat]

Sweetheart.

- [Clears throat]
- Ugh!

Okay, kids! Snack time!

Coming.

[Wind blows, voice hisses]

[Shivers] Oh.

I can see my breath.

Oh, hell, no.

It's go time, devil. Come on.

Let's dance.

Let's dance wherever you are.

So, after my discussion with Pops,

my plan was to show Jack

the advantages of a white-collar life.

This is the brain trust.

This is where all
of the important decisions

- are made for the company.
- Ah! You're dead!

You get to play video games?

- Can I hop on?
- Oh sorry, there's no room.

Yeah, this is one of those one-,
two-, or four-player games.

What? Another one?

You really gotta stop buying those.

Yeah, you can play next time.
By yourself.

Hey! Charlie! Come on, jump in there.

What?

This is work?

Yep. Part of the creative process.

[Laughing] Whoa.

And after this, we get to taste

eight kinds of
whitecheddar-cheese popcorn.

Eight?! I've only tried four!

So far, so good.

Okay. Okay.

You need proof something's
not right with that girl?

Look at this.

[Suspenseful music plays]

Uh, grandma?

Why do you have a video camera
pointed at your bed?

Don't you turn this back on me.

Dre: Mm-hmm. Good.

Which popcorn do you like the best?

The longer you take to answer,

the more important your answer seems.

I think it's this one.

Okay, boom!

You just did market research.

You've got the instincts, son.

This could be your job.

- Pretty cool.
- Yeah.

Ah!

[Shouting]

What do we do?

Connie, stay back! Josh!

Not like this, God.

Not like the gray-eyed Rasta
woman said, Lord.

Josh, throw your body on it!

Okay! Okay!

There's too much water!

I got it.

Abandon building!

- [Wrench squeaks]
- Oh, God.

- Ah.
- That was awesome!

You have saved this office, sir.

We are gonna rename this break
room after you. What is your name?

Ignacio.

I changed my mind.

Woman: Ignacio, can you help me on two?

We've got someone stuck in the elevator.

Copy. Ignacio on the move.

Dad, can I go with Ignacio?

Why? All he did was stop a stupid leak.

I could have did that.

You pushed me in front of you
to protect your Gucci low-tops.

[Sighs]

Fine, go with Ignacio.

Thanks!

Well, Pops, you won.

Jack took one look
at what I did for a living

and decided to spend
the afternoon with a stranger

doing maintenance work on the He-VAC

It's H-VAC.

I said you won, Pops.
You don't have to rub my face in it.

All right, look, you can't blame the boy

for admiring a man with a job.

I have a job.

- Not a real job.
- Yes, I do.

Why is it that you can never see that?

A real job is something you can
point to at the end of the day.

Like that church your Mama goes to.

- Mm-hmm.
- I piped that church.

The banks over there on Wilshire.

- A lot of that is my work.
- Yes. Brutal work, Pops.

You came home with busted
knuckles, exhausted, grumpy.

I came home grumpy
'cause I came home to your Mama.

- I loved my work.
- And I love my work, too.

Those banks you're talking about...

Those billboards on top of them.

Those are my ad campaigns.

You mean the one with the dog
wearing tennis shoes?

How the hell is that work?

That's creativity, imagination,

hard market research
telling me that 70% of people

like seeing animals doing people stuff.

Well, I don't.

Pops, why is it that you can never
give it up to me for anything?

I gave it up for you
when I used my blue collar

to send your black ass to college.

And now I'm supposed to be happy

that you used that damn
degree to become a sellout?

I'm a sell-out because I've succeeded?

You're a sell-out
because you turned your back

on where you come from,
looking down on me

and wasting your whole life

worrying about what white people think.

Pops.

I've never looked down on you.

I've been grateful for everything

that you've ever given me,

but your life isn't the life
that I see for my son.

Yeah, well, your life

damn sure ain't the life
I saw for my son either.

A grown man dressing
up dogs for a living?

How's that supposed to make sense?

It makes sense!

Nobody wants to buy insurance
from a naked dog!

The numbers show that!

[Ruby chanting]

Are you hearing what I'm hearing?

[Chanting continues]

Devil, come out!

- Ow!
- Grandma!

What? What?!

- What?!
- Diane's not possessed!

We were just messing with you.

Wait a minute. What?

She didn't really kill a bird.

"I will let in the light of the Lord."

- "I will let in the light..."
- Oh!

And Diane didn't make
the candles go out.

They were remote-controlled.

- Snack time!
- Coming.

[Beeps]

[Wind gusts]

And I had dry ice in my mouth.

I can no longer taste salt,
but it was worth it.

How do you explain the video?

That was just a coincidence.
Diane sleepwalks.

I always find her in my room

when I wake up from my night terrors.

Why does no child in this family
sleep soundly?

All right, very good.

You all had a nice laugh
at my need to expel Satan.

But I still don't understand
how you did this.

I didn't do that.

Zoey: Me, either.

- [Light shatters]
- [All screaming]

Come on. Latin is so easy.

Agricola.

Farmer.

Agricola.

- Can I just have a spanking?
- What?! No.

Jack, come on. Latin is not punishment.

If you learn Latin,

it'll help you become
any kind of doctor you wanna be.

What if I wanna be Dr Pepper?

Okay. You know what?

This seems like
a natural stopping point.

Thanks!

- Before you go though, Agricola.
- Thanks!

Bow, is there something wrong with me?

[Laughing] Oh, come on, Dre.
You're throwing softballs, baby.

[Sighs]

Am I crazy because I don't
want Jack to be a plumber?

Oh.

It's not my fault
society looks down on people

with blue collar jobs.
Hell, I didn't make the rules.

No, I get it. I do.

It's part of the reason
I became a doctor.

Seriously, being a doctor
is bulletproof.

You can call me what you want,

but you gotta put "doctor" first.

Yeah.

If I weren't an SVP, I'd just be
a black guy in the office.

You know, without these titles,

you walk out into the world as a black
man and people look down on you.

And I don't want anybody
looking down on my son.

I agree. [Sighs] I do...

with everything except for the part

where you equate what
you do with what I do.

This is why people really,
really worry about us.

- Oh, no one's worried.
- It's because of you.

- Oh, me?
- Yes.

- It's me?
- Oh, very much so.

Ohhh. Yes, you, Dr. Johnson.

Oh, thank you so much.

Aw. Look at him.

- Oh, Dre.
- Hm?

This is our baggage, not the kids'.

I mean, you know, when I think about it,

our parents didn't even
care if we were happy

'cause they were so busy trying
to make sure that we survived.

- Mm-hmm.
- And now we're in a place

where we get to focus
on raising happy kids

who can be whatever they wanna be.

And that's how I figured out

I needed to let Jack live
his own American Dream.

Who knows?

Maybe he'll turn out to be
a wildly successful mogul

who gives all the credit to
his wise and handsome father.

Or not.

All that matters is that he
keeps that smile on his face.

And I'm not gonna be mad at that.

Can't believe you are actually
interested in my work.

I said I'd come.
I never said I was interested.

Hey, guys. I'd like to introduce
you to my dad, Earl Johnson.

Oh, hey. I'm Leslie Stevens.

- It's nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Wow. Dre, this is exciting.

I had no idea that you knew your father.

[Mumbles] I mean, what are the odds?

Literally. I mean, it's gotta be,

statistically speaking, close to zero.

Hey. I really wish we could chat,

but we have lunch at the country club.

Love to invite you... can't...
But I'd love to.

You know they hate you, right?

Never knew how much 'til right now. Hm.

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