All language subtitles for Black-ish s01ex1 Bloop-ish Special.eng

[ Bell rings ]

Woman:
Camera "A," mark.

Man: All right, quiet, please.
Let's do it.

We're rolling in here!
Rolling!

[ Laughs ]
Man: Here we go.

Welcome to "Black-ish."
We're rolling in here.

Yo.
[ Door thuds ]

Hold on. I looked
right into the camera.

[ Laughs ]

Damn it, Tracee!
Get it together!

"Hi, I'm Anthony Anderson,
and I'm wild."

Y'all hearing
wrong [Bleep]

Can I say that on this show?

- Yeah, it's my line.
- I've lost my mind.

- Notice when it says "Dre," that's when I say it.
- That's when you say it.

Everybody's messing up!

This is gonna be great
for the blooper reel.

[ Both laugh ]

The mythical
and majestic black family

out of their natural habitat
and yet still thriving.

They're just --
Just amazing.

_

People are loving "Black-ish"

because we're telling
truthful stories

as honestly as we can.

- You got to keep it real.
- Keep it real.

I think the subject matter
is relevant, it's current.

All this coming from
Omni-colored-complexion,

whatever-it-is-
they're-calling-it-today woman

who technically
isn't even really black?

Okay, well,
if I'm not really black,

then could somebody please tell
my hair and my ass?

They also love
just how crazy it is.

[ All screaming ]
[ Laughs ]

You thought
you killed the baby!

Bam!
Oh, he kicked the baby!

So, we don't have any fun
at "Black-ish."

[ Shouts ]

[ Laughs ]

That's all we do.
[ Laughs ]

- Obama's the first black president?
- What --

[ groans ] You're doing a
bang-up job over here.

No, no, no. Hold on a second.
Let's explore this.

Shahidi: It shows
three generations of one family.

And it's cool to see

the dynamics
between each generation.

You knew that Obama was the
first black president, right?

I g-guess.
Okay.

Mm-hmm.
See what I'm talking about?

We pull from, you know,

what's going on
in the world today.

We also pull from our lives.

Smell that?
[ Sniffs ]

Mmm!
That is my childhood.

To see people of all ages,
all ethnicities

responding like,
"Oh, my goodness!

I could completely relate
to that!"

What do you think, huh?

I think this cow died
of natural causes.

This food makes me sad.

You know what?
If everybody is so unhappy,

why don't we all just
go home without eating?

All: Yay!

Really?

I'm sorry.

_

Easy, girl.
Easy, girl.

Shhh!

We are two crazy people.

Are you
horse-whispering me?

Is it working?

I do feel less riled.

On the surface, it seems
that Dre is the crazy one...

Cup! Cup!
Both: Cake! Cake!

Do the Bernie!
Come on!

Un-freakin'-believable.

Do the Bernie
down the hall!

...but in essence,
they both are.

Oh, my son's been kidnapped!

It was
only a matter of time!

- You have to find him!
- Ma'am.

I forgot
the [Bleep] thing again.

What's the [Bleep] line?
[ Laughter ]

The good part is that we both
are not crazy at the same time.

Big news. I found a way
to save Halloween.

Ooh, that's great.

I found a way
to save a guy

that was at the bottom of a pool
for 20 minutes.

Hmm.

But -- but you go.
Okay.

- Am I on-camera?
Man: Yes, sir.

Oh, guess I need
to know the words.

What are the words?
[ Laughter ]

Opposites attract?

[ Laughs ]

I guess like --
Like magnets.

You look so sexy
when you talk art.

You mean like... Cezanne?

What about Cezanne?

We're such polar opposites,
but we are equally nutty,

and that's
what keeps us connected.

He loved to experiment.
[ Breathing heavily ] With what?

- Muted colors.
- Ooh!

I think Anthony and I
are pretty cute together.

I mean, I'm just saying.

Your big-ass hair...

It eclipsed everything!

Did it?

Mom and Dad can never know
what happened.

Team Johnson.

_

Fiddlesticks, fiddlesticks.
"A" mark.

I think the kids are beyond
adorable. They're adorbs.

They're all immensely talented.

Smile, Miles.

Ross: They're fantastic,
they're funny.

Hey, Zoey, I was --

Okay.

I know, right?

Like, she just comes up to me
and starts talking.

That's what
I have to deal with.

I'm the oldest
of the Johnson siblings,

which means
there's that kind of power.

I'm Zoey Johnson.
I run the social scene here.

She's in charge of her high
school, but that's about it.

She loves her phone.

It's like her best friend
is her phone.

She's, like,
the kind of person

that will make you feel
really unsure of yourself.

That's how she gets you.

Just wait until you try
Mama's roast turkey.

Who's Mama?

Me! I'm Mama!

Andre --
I think he's lovable.

He's very nerdy,

so that's what gets him on
his dad's [Laughing] bad side.

Mom said Zach and I

could wear costumes
to the new Marvel movie.

Trust me, son,
I'm doing you a favor

by not letting you
do that.

Ross: The way he uses his body
is hilarious.

I think he's a comic genius,
but don't tell him I said so.

I finally got
the coffee order right!

Aah!

So hot! Why?!

And then the two little ones
are priceless.

There's only so bad a day can be

when there's little munchkins
like that on the set.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

Scribner:
Jack and Diane -- in a way,

they're the two people
who hold our household together.

You're already
the most beautiful person

in the world, Mommy.

Aww.

- Except your toes.
- What?

Those are jacked up.

She [Laughs] is
a little bit quirky,

a little bit sassy, kind of,
to her siblings.

Well, look at Jack and say
something nice about him.

[ Sets juice box down ]

I'm sorry.

There's just too much baggage
between us.

She's not wrong.

Well, Jack is not as smart
as Diane, technically.

I forgot to tell you
last week,

but Jack and I need two dozen
cupcakes for school tomorrow.

Yeah,
that's 23 cupcakes.

They mostly get along.
They mostly get along.

Unh. Let me stop you
right there.

You're boring me.

Ross: Miles can talk.

He's also known for his riddles,

many of which are
horribly... bad.

[ Laughing ]
They're so bad.

And some are amazing.

What did the green grape say
to the purple grape?

Oh, lord.

"Breathe."
You get it? You get it?

Because -- because
the purple grape is --

Can't breathe beca--
That's why it's purple,

and the green one
is normal.

Anderson:
The kids are great.

They do the heavy lifting,

and Tracee and I,
we just come in and bat cleanup.

Hey, guys,
we're here at "Black-ish" set,

and we are
going to give you a tour,

and here we go.

We're here
in the living room,

and this is where we did,
um -- when we --

"prank king."
"Prank king."

When we scared Marcus.

[ Sighs ]
[ Roars ]

[ Screams ]

Chair monster!
[ Laughs ]

Chair monster!

Zoey, you see the look
on your brother's face?

Priceless!

But memories
and memories and stuff.

_

What the hell's
she doing here?

What's he doing here?

Scribner: All the amazing people
we have on the show... Shush!

...it just makes the scenes
really fun.

When are you just gonna
stop waking up in the morning?

Question I asked myself
every day

when I was married to you.

_

They're just fabulous
human beings and so hilarious.

Is that
that piece of hot wheels track

you used to beat me with?

Oh, yeah.

Laurence is someone
that I can bounce off of.

How many white Russians
have you had?

Irrelevant. But a lot.
[ Sniffs ]

- Aah! Aah!
- How you like it [Bleep]

- How you like that, huh?!
- Aah! Aah!

- How you like that?!
- Ahh! Ahh!

We're this bouillabaisse.

The stock is only made delicious

by each ingredient
that you put in there.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Mama!

Baby boy!
[ Both laugh ]

And that's what
all these characters represent.

You're too hard
on the kids.

No.

If I didn't know you were mixed,
I'd swear you were Chinese.

That's racist!

Black people
can't be racist.

I was robbed
by a damn Mexican!

See?
Totally acceptable.

- Working with Jenifer Lewis --
- It's magical.

- Aw.
- Now, there's my Andrew.

[ Both laugh ]

- My name is --
- Andre.

- My name is Andre, Mama.
- Yes, I got it. Sorry, sorry.

- My name is Andre.
- You know, I'll pay attention.

And she'll make random sounds
and, like...

Oh, oh... Oh!
[ Giggles ]

Eh.
[ Sighs shakily ]

[ Hisses ]

[ Speaking gibberish ]

[ Laughter ]

We each represent
that special ingredient

that makes the base what it is,

and we just stir that pot
every week.

So, we are gonna have
a lot to do on Monday,

but I understand,
Dre, Charlie,

that it's a holiday
for you two,

so feel free
to take the day off.

Enjoy that.

_

Having
a senior vice president title

is a feather in his cap.

What do you mean,
"Feel free to take the day off"?

MLK is a national holiday,
not a black holiday.

Obama's inauguration --
Black holiday.

O.J. getting off --
Black holiday.

Being one of the few minorities
at the company...

You know,
I-I don't see color.

Oh.

I'm kidding. [ Laughs ]
Can you imagine?

...he has a specific slant
and point of view on things.

People used to think that the
President of the United States

could only be white --

George Jefferson.

Man: No. No.

[ Laughing ]
Not George Jefferson.

George Jefferson!

[ Laughter ]

I mean, could you imagine
the first lady being weezy?

Weezy!
[ Laughs ]

R-really, you're t-talking
a little too close to me.

Well, you're --
I'm talking too close to you?

You're talking
too close to me.

No, you're talking
too close to me.

Anthony Anderson
almost made out with me.

I need a minute.

[ Laughs ]

We have a great character
on the show, Charlie Telphy.

I got two groups of people

in two different parts
of the country

that I gots to love
exactly the same.

_

Trip.
Do you have two families?

Josh: Actually,
I think "Big Love"...

[ Laughs ]

Couldn't get it
in your mouth!

His character
is so in left field.

You ever think
y-your gray hair is lint?

[ Laughter ]

So far left that he almost
comes from the right.

What's wrong, Dre?
You're looking pensive.

Uh, maybe this
is just my pee face.

No.
I know your pee face.

Shahidi: It's "eye acting,"
is what I call it,

because when you just
look at his eyes,

they're so expressive.
[ Laughs ]

Man: What the hell
are you doing?

Why, I must try it
before I buy it.

Charlie!

Just the way he will look
at somebody is hysterical.

Mm-hmm.

_

I know that one
of the most fun moments

for, like, all the kids
was the "bro mitzvah" scene.

We all had our moment of shine
on the dance floor.

Anthony did some flips,

and nobody knew
that he could, like...

[ Laughing ] Yeah.
...Full-on flip.

And then he fakes
like he actually falls,

so everybody's
freaking out.

- Then he just gets up and smiles.
- Yeah.

I thought that the Halloween
episode was hilarity.

Hey!

[ Laughs ]

Your polyester awaits.

[ Fabric tears ]

Ow! Ow. Okay.

Being the Jackson 5
plus Janet... Oh, my God.

But, really, some people didn't
really know which was which.

I know.

Well, yeah,
you could probably tell

she was Janet Jackson.

Yeah,
I had a purple dress on.

[ Laughs ]
We know who Anthony was.

Anthony was Tito.

Dre:
And there was no better time

to be Tito.

The outfits were amazing.

Shahidi: And our personalized
afros were nice.

We had to grow those out
for, like -- whew -- months.

Yeah.
It took us a long time.

Afros!

I love
when Dre "toddlers" Rainbow.

Did you
just "toddler" me?

This is
a peaceful protest.

I "Gandhi'd" you.

Gandhi inspired the world.
You are a giant baby man.

Get up!

I don't know if you guys
know this about Anthony,

but he is a sturdy individual.

And I'm putting my stank --

Oh, God!

He's made out of rubber.

Are you okay?

No, baby, I was acting.
This is for the scene.

I'm, like,
"that was your acting?"

Oh!
[ Laughter ]

The man will do anything
for a laugh.

Shahidi: "The Nod" was one episode
that I could relate to so much.

Why didn't you
give that kid the nod?

The nod?
Yes, the nod.

We have had that conversation
in my house so many times.

Bow, the nod is
on the same primal level

as a baby waving "Hi."

- That's right.
- Uh-huh.

A-as a man
scrunching up his face

when a woman with a big butt
walks by.

- Ahh!
- Whew!

The fantasy scene
when we're in all white

- and you have the gold bike.
- Oh, yeah.

That was
one of my favorites.

I like the part

when we're on top
of the ice-cream truck

making it rain.

Scribner: They actually had
real money-blowing machines.

It was pretty amazing.
[ Chuckles ]

Guess we have to entertain
ourselves.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

You thinking
what I'm thinking?

[ Both laughing, screaming ]

When we were going
down the stairs,

that was pretty cool.

Yeah, we do our own stunts.
Just, yeah.

[ Both screaming ]

We went so fast,
but they're actually pulling us.

- One person was --
- Oh, yeah, we had a harness.

Junior:
Okay. Here we go.

Are you crazy?!

They need helmets.

It was so cool to then
actually see it in the episode

and see
how well it turned out,

'cause what we saw
were, like, cords dangling...

[ Laughs ]
...And them attached

to, like, seat belts
and all sorts of stuff.

Whoo!

[ Crash ]

Then
this is the kitchen.

This is
how we do our juggling.

I can do this and stuff.

I can't juggle at all, so...

Practice makes perfect,
guys.

- A fridge, yes.
- Fridge.

When we shot "The Gift Of Hunger,"
we opened the door...

And there's a camera
sticking out, and it can see us.

Why is the fridge empty?

Is it broken?

We have... grape soda.

Pizza --
That's all gone.

Strawberries!

These are not real.

[ Rattling ]
These are not real.

Nobody knows, but...

[ Clatter ]
Oh! I had it!

...none of these fruits
are real.

Babe, how could you keep me
out of the sex-talk loop?

Dre, please.

You are uptight
with this kind of thing.

I mean, look at the way
you wear a towel.

_ -->
<-- _

I'm sorry --
Did you want to talk to her

about her menstrual cramps?

- I just might.
- Uh-huh.

Right after I get into
the sex-talk loop with Ginior.

Ginger?
And Mary Anne.

_

It's really hard work.

There's nothing fun
about doing "Black-ish."

We're never laughing.

[ Laughs ]

Nothing's ever funny.

Oh, I disadree.

[ Laughs ]
"I disadree"?

Oh, my God.
You're so sleepy.

My baby's so tired.
[ Laughs ]

[ Imitating Laurence Fishburne ]
And the hardest part

is working with
Laurence Fishburne

because he's so not talented.

[ Bell ringing ]

[ Both laugh ]

It is so much fun.

Dre: Put it on the glass!
Put it on the glass!

Oh!

It doesn't feel like work.

Anderson:
Move out the girl's shot!

[ Laughter ] I need you to focus
and look at me like I'm crazy!

All right?
'Cause I'm crazy right now!

I'm cray-cray!

Shahidi: The writers
do an amazing job

of writing fabulous,
really funny scripts,

but then
it also is brought to life

by ad-libbing
and improv-ing.

He's the first president

to make it three times past
his life expectancy.

He's the first man in
the Oval Office to slap bones.

He's the first man
in the Oval Office

to have the sickle-cell trait.

We like to do so much improv
that they'll, just,

like Yara said,
keep the camera rolling.

He's the first man elected
in his 40s to drink a 40.

He's the first president
to use Magic Shave.

That's all I got.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

_

We're definitely a family
off-camera.

[ Laughing ]
Nope! I'm done.

And then I love
when it's just the four kids,

'cause we're always
up to something.

[ Low-pitched squeak ]

Oh, my God!
Yara, unnecessary.

[ Chuckling ] Wasn't me.

We get to goof around,
and we have a lot of fun.

Dre: Your mother and I
waited eight years

before having children
after you were born

so I could figure out
this line.

Oh.

Shahidi:
The dynamic is awesome,

and it feels like
a real family.

Dre: Swing like you want
to hurt the ball, son.

Hurt the ball!

Imagine
the ball's your father.

[ Laughter ]

Anthony and Tracee,
they really act like...

Our mom and dad.
...They're our parents.

Just be quiet,
and you focus, okay?

He's focused, he focused.
Now you focus.

Brown:
Anthony is pretty funny.

He would always call us
different nicknames at times.

Yeah, he calls him
"Party Time."

"Hi. I'm Miles."

Oh, yeah.
And Miles with the dance moves.

Unh. Oh.
Oh, robot, yeah.

He does not stop moving.
No joke.

But he is Da Bomb Diggity
at dancing.

Oh. [ Laughs ]

Da Bomb Diggity.

We're all goofy people.

Do you think that this is
gonna say to Janine

that I am ballin'
out of control?

Huh?

Dre: You are definitely
out of control -- and silly.

To be in an area in which
your goofiness and silliness

and your creativity
is allowed to thrive

is such a great environment
to be in.

Tell your mama we can see
the dimples in her booty

when she walk off.

The dimples
are the best part.

[ Laughs ]

_

Shahidi:
It's so cool to have fans

that are dedicated
to watching this show.

It's awesome getting
all the positive feedback

on social media
and everything.

Wow. You hacked in there
pretty fast, man.

That's some
next-level stuff, son.

Can't anybody
just get onto Facebo--?

No. I did something special,
and Dad loves me for it.

Brown: It's pretty cool
knowing that

they kind of pay attention
to what we're doing.

We're all going to wear
these T-shirts

to show family unity.

You get, like, a good feeling
off of making people laugh.

I should've eaten
this shirt.

I should've gotten adopted
by Madonna.

I should've peed at home.

It's healing. We heal
each other through laughter.

N-n-no! Ah!
Oh, god!

No matter what it is that
you're going through in life,

if someone can come by

and make you laugh
in that moment,

that just lifts your heart.

Laughter is medicine.

Three, two, one...

Launch.

- I missed mine.
- Me too.

[ Laughing ]
Okay. You did?

_

Did I do it wrong?

No.

Stop listening
to the voices in your head.

[ Laughs ]
They're talking to me.

I can tell you
that there are

some great episodes
coming out very shortly...

Yeah.

...definitely exploring

the different sides
of all the characters.

Junior: Look at him!

Rainbow: O-oh, God!

Thank you for helping me out
this year.

Mommy really needed a win.

I tell you,
[Laughing] It's always like

God,
how much can a girl take?

You know what I mean?

Rainbow's got some stuff
to be explored.

- Are you okay, Mom?
- Yeah, I am.

It's just, you know,
he's a lot sometimes.

When Rainbow said, "Why don't
you tell my hair and my ass?"

I believe that there is
a caravan of stories in that.

This idea of being a mixed woman
in the context of this family...

Alicia:
It's bulgur kernels.

This is
what Rainbow grew up eating.

Oh, I'll be damned
if I'm gonna eat that.

...some of the things
she has newly been exposed to

through Ruby and Pops...

Oh, baby, so that's why
you can't cook?

I'll be damned.
I've been blaming the victim.

I'm excited
to just kind of explore

different aspects of Zoey.

You've never really seen her
just hanging out with friends.

Or Junior.

I'd like to see
how much more trouble

one person
can actually get into.

When did you start parting
your teeth in the middle?

[ Bowl thuds ]

You got
a real mean streak.

I had a dream --

I was like,
"Diane needs to sing."

[ Vocalizes ]

Get it, girl.

She needs to sing.
And Miles needs to dance more.

You need to dance.
[ Snaps fingers ]

[ Laughs ] Boom!

Can't argue with that.

Anderson: I'm just looking
forward to telling more stories

as these characters
on "Black-ish."

I'm really excited

to see and witness
what they evolve into.

Hi. Hi.

Sorry we messed up
your day.

Nice to see you.

"Black-ish" Wednesday nights,
ABC!

Anderson: Slow your roll, people.
We ain't done yet.

Ross:
Stay tuned to see what's coming

in the weeks ahead
on "Black-ish."

Here we are
at Jack and Diane's room.

Mine's flowers,
his is robots.

And I do puppet shows.

This is The Prince,
and this is Froggy.

We have
a little basketball hoop here.

Yay.

Here we are
at Dre and Rainbow's room,

and this is
the Hall of Shoes!

What?!

Hi, Dre. Dre, Dre, Dre.
That's hilarious.

This whole thing
is for Dre.

- And we have one little thing for bow.
- For bow.

Thank you guys so much
for being here with us.

Hope you watch
more "Black-ish."

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