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Dre: There are certain things
in life that are just true.
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Fact... the earth revolves around the sun.
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Fact... 2 times 2 is 4.
4
00:00:09,389 --> 00:00:13,588
And fact... black people
aren't Republicans.
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[Yawns] We just aren't.
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We vote for Democrats. [Brays]
7
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And it's not just an Obama thing.
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He could have drop-kicked this baby,
9
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and I still would have voted for him.
10
00:00:23,229 --> 00:00:27,029
But black people also
overwhelmingly backed this guy,
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00:00:27,029 --> 00:00:28,562
this guy...
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Get down, now.
13
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,133
Hell, 91% of black
people voted for this guy.
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Fact... 91% of Walter Mondale's family
15
00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:38,603
didn't vote for Walter Mondale.
16
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Sure! The other side may
trot out a token black face
17
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:44,908
every now and again, but
the fact of the matter
18
00:00:44,909 --> 00:00:48,912
is being a black Republican
is something we just don't do.
19
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Ah! Hey, son. How was your day?
20
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Oh, great. I joined
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00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:54,385
the young Republicans club at school.
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Fact... Junior may not be a donkey,
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but he's definitely an ass.
24
00:01:00,158 --> 00:01:02,293
25
00:01:02,318 --> 00:01:05,018
26
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Lunch for you.
27
00:01:06,965 --> 00:01:09,534
Ah, lunch for you. [Kisses] Mm.
28
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[Bag rustles] Lunch for you.
29
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Ahh. Unh-unh.
30
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[Bag thuds] No free lunch for you.
31
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I don't want to offend your
Republican sensibilities
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by giving you a handout.
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[Door closes] I skipped breakfast.
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Yeah, well, if you wanna eat,
35
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pull yourself up by your bootstraps!
36
00:01:27,367 --> 00:01:28,834
Dre, what are you doing?
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00:01:28,868 --> 00:01:30,786
Well, Bow, we have a problem.
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Junior... Is a Republican.
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[Thud]
40
00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:36,792
Well, that's okay.
41
00:01:36,794 --> 00:01:37,960
What?
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00:01:37,962 --> 00:01:40,129
So he wants to shop at banana Republic.
43
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They have a crazy generous return policy.
44
00:01:42,783 --> 00:01:44,367
No, no, no. You're not getting it.
45
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All right? He's a Republican.
46
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A notary public? That's a noble profession.
47
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We'll save us tons of time.
48
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- Bow!
- Hmm?
49
00:01:54,557 --> 00:01:56,424
A Republican.
50
00:01:59,678 --> 00:02:02,563
A member of the Irish Republican Army?
51
00:02:02,563 --> 00:02:04,097
- What the hell?
- Okay, okay.
52
00:02:04,148 --> 00:02:07,100
So if you gotta take down a
couple of fish and chips shops
53
00:02:07,151 --> 00:02:08,518
to be free of British rule,
54
00:02:08,569 --> 00:02:10,120
Dre, you gotta do what you gotta do.
55
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:13,507
N-no! Ronald Reagan. Ann Coulter.
56
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Fox news. Tea party!
57
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Bow! Republican!
58
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- Republican?
- Yes!
59
00:02:21,515 --> 00:02:22,515
- No!
- Yes!
60
00:02:22,566 --> 00:02:23,683
- No!
- Yes!
61
00:02:23,734 --> 00:02:24,318
- No!
- Yes!
62
00:02:24,369 --> 00:02:28,488
We don't do that, Dre! We
are compassionate liberals
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00:02:28,522 --> 00:02:31,357
who believe in tolerance,
acceptance, open...
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00:02:31,409 --> 00:02:33,159
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
But we're black, all right?
65
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That's all that matters. We're black.
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00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:37,664
When did he start believing
that immigrants should go back
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across the border, that
evolution doesn't exist?!
68
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,618
- They should.
- What?
69
00:02:41,669 --> 00:02:44,254
And it doesn't. That's
just proper thinking.
70
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- What?
- Now what's all this fuss about?
71
00:02:47,124 --> 00:02:51,043
Mom... Junior is a Republican.
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[Coffee pot clatters]
73
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- Well, that's fine.
- What?
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00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:59,634
He wants to be a publican.
A British tavern owner.
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00:02:59,685 --> 00:03:01,436
Noble profession.
76
00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:04,355
No, mama. A Republican.
77
00:03:04,389 --> 00:03:06,557
[Clenching teeth] What's that you say?
78
00:03:06,608 --> 00:03:10,478
You say "re"? As in Republican?!
79
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,364
- Uh-huh! - No, he
can't be a Republican!
80
00:03:13,398 --> 00:03:15,199
[Crying] Oh, my God!
81
00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:16,984
Not a Republican!
82
00:03:17,035 --> 00:03:22,790
Oh, Jesus! Black Jesus! Sarah Palin.
83
00:03:27,329 --> 00:03:29,163
You do know "nose in a book"
84
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is just an expression, right?
85
00:03:32,502 --> 00:03:33,834
What do you want?
86
00:03:33,885 --> 00:03:35,469
I think you might need glasses.
87
00:03:35,504 --> 00:03:37,388
You're squinting to read.
88
00:03:37,422 --> 00:03:38,973
And this morning, you
almost brushed your teeth
89
00:03:39,007 --> 00:03:40,307
with the hydrocortisone.
90
00:03:40,342 --> 00:03:41,509
I'm good.
91
00:03:41,511 --> 00:03:44,845
Dad! Zoe needs glasses!
92
00:03:44,896 --> 00:03:48,933
Don't listen to her. I can see fine, Dad.
93
00:03:48,984 --> 00:03:51,185
- Um... It's mommy.
- I knew that.
94
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:52,619
And I'm gonna make an appointment
95
00:03:52,619 --> 00:03:54,470
with the eye doctor for next week.
96
00:03:54,521 --> 00:03:56,806
No, no, no. I can see fine... ow! [Thud]
97
00:03:57,257 --> 00:03:58,624
Aah.
98
00:03:58,675 --> 00:04:00,342
Or this week.
99
00:04:01,795 --> 00:04:03,629
[Whispers] You need glasses.
100
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,465
Experience the all-new
expectation-shattering buick.
101
00:04:06,467 --> 00:04:07,833
Stop, stop, stop.
102
00:04:07,884 --> 00:04:09,335
I don't like what I'm hearing.
103
00:04:09,686 --> 00:04:11,003
Uh, that's the client's copy.
104
00:04:11,054 --> 00:04:12,838
No, I hear squeaking.
105
00:04:13,189 --> 00:04:16,392
- Chair check!
- Chair check!
106
00:04:16,478 --> 00:04:18,579
- No, none of ours.
- I'm on it.
107
00:04:22,150 --> 00:04:25,169
[Chairs rattling]
108
00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:27,521
Really? You're gonna
interrupt my pitch for this?
109
00:04:27,591 --> 00:04:29,358
What's wrong, buddy? You love chair check.
110
00:04:29,393 --> 00:04:31,127
Look, man, it's my son. He's...
111
00:04:31,161 --> 00:04:32,711
Boom! Found it.
112
00:04:32,762 --> 00:04:34,463
Excellent job! [Grunts]
113
00:04:34,497 --> 00:04:37,132
Uh, sorry, Dre, you were
in the middle of telling us
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00:04:37,132 --> 00:04:38,132
your son is gay. Yeah.
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00:04:38,183 --> 00:04:43,821
What? No. My son is not gay. He's...
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00:04:44,156 --> 00:04:45,072
A Republican.
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00:04:45,107 --> 00:04:46,324
[Gasps]
118
00:04:46,377 --> 00:04:49,263
Outstanding! Your son is
exactly the type of young man
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00:04:49,814 --> 00:04:51,264
that the party needs.
120
00:04:51,299 --> 00:04:53,884
You're sure he's not gay, though, right?
121
00:04:53,935 --> 00:04:55,152
No, you... you don't get it.
122
00:04:55,186 --> 00:04:57,604
There are just some things
that black people cannot do.
123
00:04:57,604 --> 00:05:00,838
All right? You can live
in the suburbs and be cool.
124
00:05:00,873 --> 00:05:02,507
You can listen to the Dave Matthews Band
125
00:05:02,841 --> 00:05:05,209
and still be down. Love me some D.M.B.
126
00:05:05,244 --> 00:05:07,295
A black guy can marry someone white
127
00:05:07,346 --> 00:05:08,980
and still be cool.
128
00:05:09,014 --> 00:05:10,831
- Kanye, Quincy
Jones... - Mm-hmm.
129
00:05:10,866 --> 00:05:13,934
- Tiger Woods, Ice-t, Richard
Pryor... - Okay, Charlie.
130
00:05:13,986 --> 00:05:16,370
- Cuba Gooding Jr., Seal, Taye Diggs...
- Look, Charlie...
131
00:05:16,405 --> 00:05:17,788
- Charles Barkley...
- Charlie...
132
00:05:17,823 --> 00:05:21,024
Keenan, Lamar Odom, Chiwetel Ejiofor...
133
00:05:21,024 --> 00:05:22,490
Hey, Charlie, look, man,
134
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:23,674
we don't have enough time for that.
135
00:05:23,708 --> 00:05:26,076
Plus you didn't even
get to anybody in the NFL
136
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:26,526
or the fathers
137
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,494
of the Golden State Warriors backcourt.
138
00:05:28,514 --> 00:05:30,766
[Whispers]
- Klay Thompson. Look, you can do anything,
139
00:05:30,817 --> 00:05:33,251
but you can't be a black Republican.
140
00:05:33,286 --> 00:05:34,886
They are not down for us,
141
00:05:34,921 --> 00:05:36,655
so we are not down for them.
142
00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:39,124
Are you saying all Republicans are racist?
143
00:05:39,175 --> 00:05:40,308
No, of course not.
144
00:05:40,343 --> 00:05:42,244
[Under breath] But they are.
145
00:05:42,278 --> 00:05:44,246
That is bullcrap. My dad is a Republican,
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00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:46,431
and I cannot tell you how
often he starts a sentence with,
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00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,116
"I'm not a racist, but..."
148
00:05:48,151 --> 00:05:50,469
[Lowered voice] Look, you just
gotta do something about junior.
149
00:05:50,503 --> 00:05:52,404
You don't want him to end up an Uncle Tom.
150
00:05:52,455 --> 00:05:53,755
- True that.
- Why not?
151
00:05:53,790 --> 00:05:57,692
I love my Uncle Tom. Okay,
he wasn't actually my Uncle,
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00:05:57,743 --> 00:06:01,680
but he was a great black guy
named Jim who worked for my dad
153
00:06:01,714 --> 00:06:02,998
and did everything he was told,
154
00:06:03,078 --> 00:06:04,262
even at the expense of his own community.
155
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:07,582
Uncle Tom isn't a great thing, is it?
156
00:06:07,666 --> 00:06:09,050
Both: Mnh-mnh.
157
00:06:09,101 --> 00:06:10,468
[Singsongy] Zoey's getting glasses!
158
00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:12,270
I'm so excited!
159
00:06:12,321 --> 00:06:14,455
Why do you care so much?
160
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,391
Dad gave everyone great nicknames.
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00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:18,910
Junior's "junior," Zoey's "zo-zo,"
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00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,211
you're "Party time."
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00:06:20,262 --> 00:06:22,430
Party time, party time, party...
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Stop!
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Except me. I have the worst nickname.
166
00:06:26,885 --> 00:06:28,886
- Daddy, Daddy!
- Ah, hey.
167
00:06:28,937 --> 00:06:30,738
Look at my new glasses.
168
00:06:30,789 --> 00:06:33,391
Lookin' good, Urkel. Girl Urkel.
169
00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:34,742
Gurkel!
170
00:06:34,777 --> 00:06:37,095
[Laughs]
- I don't know if I like that name.
171
00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:38,346
Well, it amused me for a moment,
172
00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:39,697
so I guess you're gonna
have to live with it
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00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:40,948
for the rest of your life.
174
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,266
Now I'm gonna go tell the family
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00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:43,217
what your new nickname is.
176
00:06:43,252 --> 00:06:45,553
Her new nickname is "Gurkel"!
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00:06:45,604 --> 00:06:48,923
This is my chance to ditch this nickname.
178
00:06:48,957 --> 00:06:51,526
You're not listening to a
word I'm saying, Party time.
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So hard to stand still.
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00:06:54,079 --> 00:06:55,046
Party time!
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00:06:58,965 --> 00:07:02,484
There was no way I was
gonna let my namesake
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00:07:02,535 --> 00:07:05,187
become an Uncle Tom.
183
00:07:05,221 --> 00:07:07,106
[Door thuds] Son, you're broken.
184
00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:10,376
And me and a hundred years of
negritude are gonna fix you.
185
00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:12,378
Now why'd you join the young Republicans?
186
00:07:12,412 --> 00:07:15,231
Honestly, because of
how I feel about Hillary.
187
00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:16,643
Hillary? Come on, man.
188
00:07:16,678 --> 00:07:18,345
I know she's not the
freshest candidate, but...
189
00:07:18,379 --> 00:07:21,348
No, Dad. Hillary Montgomery,
a girl at my school.
190
00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:24,117
She's the secretary of
the young Republicans.
191
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:27,587
Oh, you did this for a
girl. Well, come on, son.
192
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:30,190
You can't be scaring me like that.
193
00:07:30,224 --> 00:07:32,142
And most of the time
black girls don't like me.
194
00:07:32,177 --> 00:07:35,478
She's black? What is going on?
195
00:07:35,478 --> 00:07:36,362
Never mind.
196
00:07:36,397 --> 00:07:38,231
Never mind. You got a girl on the line.
197
00:07:38,231 --> 00:07:40,566
You know what, son? Here.
Take her out for ice cream
198
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,535
on me this week. Whoo! Thanks.
199
00:07:42,586 --> 00:07:44,587
Oh! Do I still have to read these books?
200
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:47,473
Hell, no! Books are for nerds.
201
00:07:47,507 --> 00:07:48,691
Ha! Readin'.
202
00:07:48,742 --> 00:07:50,993
You've got you a girl. Ha ha!
203
00:07:51,044 --> 00:07:53,962
Ugh. I look like someone
I wouldn't let sit with me.
204
00:07:53,962 --> 00:07:57,281
What?! No, you? Never.
205
00:07:57,332 --> 00:07:59,433
Jack? I would not be seen with you.
206
00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:01,402
Exactly. You know what?
I'm not wearing these.
207
00:08:01,436 --> 00:08:06,088
No! I mean, no.
You don't have to do that.
208
00:08:06,088 --> 00:08:08,374
Why do you wanna go back to being blind
209
00:08:08,408 --> 00:08:10,260
when you can finally see the world?
210
00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:12,443
Go on. Look how you can see the detail
211
00:08:12,443 --> 00:08:13,776
on the leaves on the trees.
212
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,962
Now look there at the restless beating
213
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,397
of the hummingbird's wing.
214
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:18,998
- Wow.
- See?
215
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,751
Yes, and finally I can.
216
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,736
[Whispers] New Gurkel.
217
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:26,923
- Well, I'll never
need glasses. - Mm-hmm.
218
00:08:26,957 --> 00:08:30,193
I can read that. I can read that.
219
00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:31,427
I can read that.
220
00:08:31,462 --> 00:08:33,646
Can you read this?
221
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,231
SIM-ple...
222
00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:38,668
SIM-plemene-did?
223
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,520
Not so mouthy now, are we, party time?
224
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:46,558
- Hey.
- Hey. Oh! I talked to junior.
225
00:08:46,558 --> 00:08:48,159
Okay. All right? It's all good.
226
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:49,761
He is not a Republican.
227
00:08:50,048 --> 00:08:52,032
Oh, my God. Fantastic! What'd you do?
228
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,250
Found out he only joined that club
229
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,069
because he's hot on a girl,
and it's not about her policies.
230
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,739
It's about her pair of c's.
231
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:00,940
[Laughs]
232
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,226
- I'm leaving you.
- Hmm?
233
00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:04,994
That's worse, Dre.
234
00:09:05,028 --> 00:09:05,828
Why?
235
00:09:05,863 --> 00:09:07,330
Men are impressionable.
236
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,765
Women can get men to do
anything, and it sticks.
237
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:13,920
Look at you. You're eating
seaweed right now because of me.
238
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:17,390
- Seaweed is delicious.
- No, seaweed is terrible.
239
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:20,393
It's seaweed. Weeds from the sea, Dre.
240
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,161
It's in the name, and
you're loving it right now
241
00:09:22,212 --> 00:09:23,796
because I told you to.
242
00:09:23,847 --> 00:09:26,332
Well, junior is a lot
stronger than what you think.
243
00:09:26,384 --> 00:09:28,934
Hey, Mom? Dad? This is Hillary.
244
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,436
- Hello.
- Hello.
245
00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:31,854
Nice to meet you.
246
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,022
- Nice to meet you
as well. - Mm-hmm.
247
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,491
Uh, so, uh, how was ice cream?
248
00:09:35,525 --> 00:09:36,942
Oh, we didn't get ice cream.
249
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:37,943
She took me to see
250
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,829
anti tax crusader grover norquist
251
00:09:39,863 --> 00:09:41,497
speak at the Reagan library.
252
00:09:41,531 --> 00:09:42,832
What?
253
00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:44,033
He was sobering.
254
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,752
Then Hillary bought me
dick Cheney's biography.
255
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,454
- Mm.
- It's awesome!
256
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,589
I mean, the dude destroyed Iraq,
257
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:53,292
got rich rebuilding it? Hero!
258
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:57,513
Then he shot a guy, and
the guy apologized. Pimp!
259
00:09:57,547 --> 00:09:59,632
- Hmm.
- That should be the name of his book...
260
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:02,184
"Dick Cheney: Hero pimp"!
261
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,104
Oh, my God.
262
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,855
Bow was right. [Crunches]
263
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:09,108
Seaweed is horrible.
264
00:10:11,119 --> 00:10:12,887
Guys, have you ever noticed
265
00:10:12,921 --> 00:10:15,356
that we live in a really nice house?
266
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,291
[Gasps]
267
00:10:17,342 --> 00:10:20,361
Wow. With those new glasses,
268
00:10:20,395 --> 00:10:23,797
I'd say Zoey's even more
like a girl Urkel than Diane.
269
00:10:23,848 --> 00:10:25,266
You think so?
270
00:10:25,317 --> 00:10:27,334
Line?
271
00:10:27,369 --> 00:10:30,637
[Sighs] "I'd say we have a new Gurkel."
272
00:10:30,637 --> 00:10:31,938
Yeah, new Gurkel.
273
00:10:31,989 --> 00:10:35,458
Whoa, guys, I think you're right.
274
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,643
Zo-zo's the new Gurkel!
275
00:10:37,694 --> 00:10:38,945
[Snorts]
276
00:10:38,996 --> 00:10:40,830
Oh, my God! With the snorting?
277
00:10:40,832 --> 00:10:43,182
Full Gurkel! Fantastic!
278
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:44,734
[As urkel] Did I do that?
279
00:10:44,736 --> 00:10:46,752
Ha! Hilarious!
280
00:10:46,803 --> 00:10:48,271
Diane, bedtime.
281
00:10:48,305 --> 00:10:50,439
Come on, baby. Can you do that
snort for me one more time?
282
00:10:50,474 --> 00:10:51,824
Oh, yeah. [Snorts] Perfect.
283
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:54,877
Hold on. Diane, I said bedtime.
Why you still standing there?
284
00:10:54,911 --> 00:10:58,380
All right, do that snort again. [Snorting]
285
00:10:58,415 --> 00:11:01,567
Urkel was the breakout character.
286
00:11:01,601 --> 00:11:03,586
What have I given up?
287
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:05,204
Hey, junior. [Sighs]
288
00:11:05,255 --> 00:11:07,723
Hi. Am I in trouble?
289
00:11:07,774 --> 00:11:08,424
- No.
- Yes.
290
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,842
We... we just wanna talk to you.
291
00:11:09,842 --> 00:11:11,209
- About the trouble that you're in.
- [Sighs] Dre.
292
00:11:11,244 --> 00:11:14,546
Son, you cannot become a
Republican because of a girl.
293
00:11:14,580 --> 00:11:16,548
But it's about more than that now.
294
00:11:16,582 --> 00:11:18,050
I've been doing some reading,
295
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,085
and, Dad, you know how
you're always talking
296
00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:23,654
about hard work and
personal responsibility?
297
00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:25,956
- Mm-hmm? - Republicans
believe the same thing.
298
00:11:26,007 --> 00:11:27,925
- Eh, that's different.
- How?
299
00:11:29,227 --> 00:11:31,662
Bow?
300
00:11:31,664 --> 00:11:33,414
Because... We are not
301
00:11:33,465 --> 00:11:36,534
close-minded reactionary gun nuts.
302
00:11:36,568 --> 00:11:37,601
Grandma and Pops are Democrats,
303
00:11:37,636 --> 00:11:40,120
and they both have guns. In
- in this house?
304
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,337
- B-baby...
- What?
305
00:11:41,372 --> 00:11:43,306
- Baby, one crisis at a time, okay?
- Okay.
306
00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:45,441
- We are Democrats.
- Yes.
307
00:11:45,476 --> 00:11:49,295
- Why?
- Bow?
308
00:11:49,329 --> 00:11:52,865
Uh... Because we believe
that government can have
309
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:55,668
a meaningful and positive
role in people's lives,
310
00:11:55,719 --> 00:11:57,754
and it's not just everyone for themselves.
311
00:11:57,805 --> 00:12:00,106
And more importantly, we're black.
312
00:12:00,157 --> 00:12:01,274
Whatever.
313
00:12:01,276 --> 00:12:03,459
I'm gonna go get started on my speech.
314
00:12:03,510 --> 00:12:05,478
Oh, oh, oh, oh! What speech?
315
00:12:05,512 --> 00:12:07,096
Oh, Hillary's father thinks I should run
316
00:12:07,147 --> 00:12:09,365
for president of the young Republicans.
317
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,918
He said I'll make a great
face of the organization.
318
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,374
[Sighs] Oh, my God.
319
00:12:14,408 --> 00:12:15,842
[Applause] And tonight's final guest...
320
00:12:15,893 --> 00:12:17,643
the current face of black Republicans...
321
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,363
Andre Johnson Jr. Welcome, Andre.
322
00:12:20,414 --> 00:12:23,483
[Applause]
323
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:25,952
It's great to be here,
Bill. Let me start by saying,
324
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,855
here's what wrong with black people.
325
00:12:28,889 --> 00:12:31,224
So bow and I thought we
should meet the parents
326
00:12:31,275 --> 00:12:34,176
who were pushing our son
to be a Republican leader.
327
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:36,295
So, Dre, you know the game plan, right?
328
00:12:36,295 --> 00:12:38,062
We're here to reach across the aisle
329
00:12:38,064 --> 00:12:39,331
and just get to know these folks.
330
00:12:39,332 --> 00:12:41,356
We're not here to pick a fight or to judge.
331
00:12:41,356 --> 00:12:42,541
I got it.
332
00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:43,792
- Okay.
- I'll be on my best behavior.
333
00:12:43,843 --> 00:12:45,210
Okay.
334
00:12:46,012 --> 00:12:47,279
Oh, wow.
335
00:12:47,279 --> 00:12:49,914
Looks like Uncle Tom got
himself a real nice cabin.
336
00:12:49,914 --> 00:12:51,582
We're off to a very good start.
337
00:12:51,616 --> 00:12:53,784
They don't even stand like black people.
338
00:12:53,835 --> 00:12:56,720
Thank you so much for having us over.
339
00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:59,523
- Your home is so beautiful.
- Oh, thank you.
340
00:12:59,574 --> 00:13:01,158
Mom, is it all right if
I give junior the tour?
341
00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:02,676
Absolutely. Have fun, kids.
342
00:13:02,710 --> 00:13:04,645
[Lowered voice] Hey, take the tour, son.
343
00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:06,764
Tell me what the gun
range look like, all right?
344
00:13:06,766 --> 00:13:07,865
[Bow laughs]
345
00:13:07,899 --> 00:13:09,333
We... we don't have a gun range.
346
00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:10,868
Oh! Of course you don't.
347
00:13:10,919 --> 00:13:12,686
Your hearing's too good for that.
348
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,706
- 'Cause guns are
so loud! - Bang-bang!
349
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:17,841
Okay. [Laughs] [Chuckles]
350
00:13:17,876 --> 00:13:19,509
How about some lemonade?
351
00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:21,478
Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you so much.
352
00:13:21,478 --> 00:13:23,345
Yeah, I-I-I prefer
kool-aid if you got it.
353
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:24,545
- Dre, Dre.
- What?
354
00:13:24,547 --> 00:13:25,546
Can you rein it in, please?
355
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:26,981
- I'm... I'm trying to.
- Okay.
356
00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:28,082
- All right?
- All right
357
00:13:28,116 --> 00:13:29,717
Wild boar bacon tart?
358
00:13:29,751 --> 00:13:30,751
Oh, isn't that nice?
359
00:13:30,802 --> 00:13:32,520
Oh, of course. Wild boar bacon.
360
00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:34,556
I guess regular bacon's
not good enough for them.
361
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:35,089
Dre...
362
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:37,491
Mmm! Mmm! [Mouth full] Oh, my God.
363
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:40,278
And, of course, this is the
best bacon I've ever had.
364
00:13:40,312 --> 00:13:42,413
Thank you. Hand-slaughtered.
365
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,415
Mmm. It's the fear that
makes it so delicious.
366
00:13:44,466 --> 00:13:47,818
Yeah, salty and
fatty. Thick as a pork chop.
367
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:51,422
- This is the Amber rose of bacon.
- Okay.
368
00:13:51,473 --> 00:13:52,807
Mmm.
369
00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:59,296
Wow. This says that 70% of girls
who get glasses become obese.
370
00:13:59,347 --> 00:14:01,015
Really? Let me see that.
371
00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:03,868
Oh. You don't need to look it up. [Giggles]
372
00:14:03,919 --> 00:14:07,838
[Sighs] All right. Nap time.
373
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,807
[Sighs]
374
00:14:09,841 --> 00:14:11,225
[Groans]
375
00:14:15,482 --> 00:14:16,665
[Mouths words]
376
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,154
What are you doing?
377
00:14:22,188 --> 00:14:23,322
[Crack]
378
00:14:23,356 --> 00:14:24,790
[Deep voice] I'm Gurkel.
379
00:14:29,362 --> 00:14:30,395
[Classical music
playing] Well, if you ask me,
380
00:14:30,446 --> 00:14:32,798
the only reason the
right wing wants to enact
381
00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:36,234
a voter registration law
is to deny the franchise,
382
00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:38,537
which is in direct violation
of the constitution.
383
00:14:38,571 --> 00:14:41,256
I just asked where you went to college.
384
00:14:41,307 --> 00:14:43,141
[Laughs] Sorry about him. [Laughs]
385
00:14:43,176 --> 00:14:45,627
No, no, no, that's okay. I
understand what's going on.
386
00:14:45,662 --> 00:14:47,346
You wonder why we're Republicans.
387
00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:49,097
- Mm-hmm. - All
right, listen,
388
00:14:49,148 --> 00:14:51,316
we recognize that it's not the "hotness,"
389
00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:53,251
but it lines up with our beliefs
390
00:14:53,286 --> 00:14:54,586
as small business owners.
391
00:14:54,637 --> 00:14:56,088
You own a fortune 500 company!
392
00:14:56,139 --> 00:14:57,556
Yeah, well, just barely.
393
00:14:57,607 --> 00:14:59,875
I mean, it's only in the high fours.
394
00:14:59,909 --> 00:15:02,010
And with all the taxes that Obama
395
00:15:02,045 --> 00:15:03,795
is heaping on job creators...
396
00:15:03,846 --> 00:15:06,698
Oh, yeah. Blame Obama.
Everybody wanna blame Obama.
397
00:15:06,732 --> 00:15:09,367
You know, there are so many
perspectives in the world.
398
00:15:09,402 --> 00:15:11,002
It's so many, right? And I...
399
00:15:11,004 --> 00:15:12,804
I wanna reach across the aisle,
400
00:15:12,855 --> 00:15:15,140
and with an open mind just ask how...
401
00:15:15,191 --> 00:15:19,427
how you reconcile the whole racism thing?
402
00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:22,347
Well, it's not easy. There
are some ugly voices out there,
403
00:15:22,398 --> 00:15:26,535
but the G.O.P. Is a big tent,
and the world is changing.
404
00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:29,921
I'm sorry. What does
"G.O.P." Stand for again?
405
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:30,808
Grand Old Party.
406
00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:33,158
And... and that didn't raise any alarms?
407
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:34,743
Admittedly, it took some getting used to.
408
00:15:34,794 --> 00:15:37,295
But the G.O.P. Is about
putting family first.
409
00:15:37,297 --> 00:15:40,098
You know, I gave up my law
career when we had kids.
410
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,200
Did you? Yeah, I just
didn't have time for all that
411
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:44,452
leaning in and whatnot. [Laughs]
412
00:15:44,487 --> 00:15:47,222
I lean back into our children.
413
00:15:47,256 --> 00:15:50,442
- Lean back. Lean back. -
Right? [Laughs] Uh-oh. [Laughs]
414
00:15:50,476 --> 00:15:52,827
[Laughter] No, but it's true.
415
00:15:52,862 --> 00:15:55,680
I mean, women today are always
about career, career, career.
416
00:15:55,714 --> 00:16:00,402
I just think moms who are always
about their jobs are... Selfish.
417
00:16:00,436 --> 00:16:01,436
Hmm. [Singsongy] Bingo!
418
00:16:01,487 --> 00:16:03,905
So you think it's selfish to save lives?
419
00:16:03,956 --> 00:16:05,840
You know I'm a doctor, right?
420
00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:08,960
I'm actually a doctor and a mother.
421
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,846
Both! Crazy! Who the
hell do you think you are?
422
00:16:11,881 --> 00:16:14,849
Yes, who the hell do you think you are?
423
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,601
- Well, I'm from Tennessee. My fa...
- Hey, excuse me.
424
00:16:16,652 --> 00:16:17,436
Can a brother talk?
425
00:16:17,438 --> 00:16:19,270
Is it all right if a brother
says something up in here?
426
00:16:19,272 --> 00:16:21,222
- Can a brother talk?
- Uh, no one's interrupting you.
427
00:16:21,222 --> 00:16:22,923
Can you let him talk? Can a brother talk?
428
00:16:22,974 --> 00:16:24,007
Can he talk?
429
00:16:24,058 --> 00:16:24,992
Yeah! Let him talk.
430
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,410
- Thank you, baby.
- Let my man
431
00:16:26,844 --> 00:16:27,995
finish his sentence. Mmhmm.
432
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,197
- It's a sentence so he can get it out.
- Thank you, baby.
433
00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:31,615
Mom, dad, what are you...
434
00:16:31,619 --> 00:16:33,737
You know what? No,
junior, let me talk, okay?
435
00:16:33,788 --> 00:16:35,622
- Let me talk!
- Hey, let her talk, okay?
436
00:16:35,656 --> 00:16:37,991
- Let your mama talk.
- Let me talk.
437
00:16:37,991 --> 00:16:38,758
I'm letting you talk.
438
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:43,061
Okay, so this may not have
been our finest moment.
439
00:16:43,061 --> 00:16:44,145
You know what?!
440
00:16:44,179 --> 00:16:46,697
- Everybody, let everybody talk!
- We're letting you talk.
441
00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:48,232
Oh, really?! Really?!
442
00:16:49,588 --> 00:16:50,755
Now I can never show my face
443
00:16:50,757 --> 00:16:52,023
at the young Republicans again.
444
00:16:52,023 --> 00:16:53,773
Does that make you happy?
445
00:16:53,773 --> 00:16:55,324
A little, of the outcome,
446
00:16:55,358 --> 00:16:58,010
but I can't say we're proud of the process.
447
00:16:58,044 --> 00:16:59,628
[Lowered voice] I'm sorry if your mother
448
00:16:59,628 --> 00:17:00,962
became the intolerant person
449
00:17:00,996 --> 00:17:02,497
that we thought the Montgomerys were.
450
00:17:02,548 --> 00:17:08,203
Me? Dre, you have four
bacon tarts in your pants.
451
00:17:08,237 --> 00:17:09,837
- Three, okay? Three.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
452
00:17:09,888 --> 00:17:10,972
I wish I had four.
453
00:17:11,023 --> 00:17:13,074
Damn, this is some good Republican bacon.
454
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:14,542
- Junior, we screwed up.
- Mmm.
455
00:17:14,593 --> 00:17:16,711
And we're sorry, but these are our beliefs,
456
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:18,446
and we want them to be yours, too.
457
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,665
- I don't want your beliefs.
- Oh.
458
00:17:20,716 --> 00:17:23,551
But I will take your pocket tarts.
459
00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,620
- Uh... Ruby: I heard that.
460
00:17:25,654 --> 00:17:28,840
Now see, that was a mistake. [Door closes]
461
00:17:28,841 --> 00:17:29,248
What?
462
00:17:29,274 --> 00:17:31,192
Don't you know you can't
force kids to believe
463
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:33,494
the same things you do? Mmm.
464
00:17:33,545 --> 00:17:35,546
Unless it's about Jesus.
465
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,733
Then it's his way or the highway
466
00:17:38,735 --> 00:17:39,917
To hell
467
00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:42,904
Ruby... You were so close to making sense.
468
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,522
No, Bow, she's right.
469
00:17:44,556 --> 00:17:46,541
Pops not letting me listen to reggae music
470
00:17:46,575 --> 00:17:48,926
is the reason I went
through my rastafarian phase.
471
00:17:48,961 --> 00:17:53,281
472
00:17:53,315 --> 00:17:54,916
It's like when kids go off to college
473
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:57,134
and never seen alcohol
before and they just go crazy.
474
00:17:57,169 --> 00:18:00,054
All: Chug, chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug, chug,
475
00:18:00,088 --> 00:18:02,757
chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
476
00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:05,593
Or... So I've been told.
477
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:08,696
Steering 'em away from something
only makes them want it more.
478
00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:10,031
Forbidden fruit, Missy.
479
00:18:10,082 --> 00:18:13,367
I don't think I've ever
said this before in my life.
480
00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:14,352
Ruby's right.
481
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:16,704
Yeah. I also got some ideas
482
00:18:16,738 --> 00:18:19,874
about that missing
Malaysian Airliner. Pssh!
483
00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:22,810
And I don't think I'll ever say it again.
484
00:18:22,812 --> 00:18:24,145
I doubt it.
485
00:18:24,196 --> 00:18:26,664
So Bow and I resolved
to be more balanced
486
00:18:26,698 --> 00:18:28,332
in how we present things.
487
00:18:28,366 --> 00:18:31,819
Junior, we just want you to know
that we respect your beliefs.
488
00:18:31,853 --> 00:18:34,788
- Even if they're wrong.
- Mm, and there might be certain things
489
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,991
that we don't see eye-to-eye
on, but we want you to know
490
00:18:36,993 --> 00:18:38,526
that you can try new things,
491
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:39,927
even if we're not in love with them.
492
00:18:39,929 --> 00:18:44,031
Like, say you get into
civil war re-enactments.
493
00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,115
- Very weird.
- Mm-hmm.
494
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,450
We'd make fun of you. Probably.
495
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:47,801
But we wouldn't stop you.
496
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:51,772
No. Or say one of you
becomes a celtics fan.
497
00:18:51,774 --> 00:18:53,073
Really?
498
00:18:53,108 --> 00:18:54,325
Yeah.
499
00:18:54,376 --> 00:18:57,845
You would be okay with that, right? Right?
500
00:18:57,879 --> 00:18:58,929
- Right.
- Right.
501
00:18:58,964 --> 00:19:01,515
Hmm. And let's say one of you girls
502
00:19:01,549 --> 00:19:03,050
met a very nice guy... Mmhmm.
503
00:19:03,084 --> 00:19:05,319
And decided that you wanted to stay home
504
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,954
and not have a career.
505
00:19:06,988 --> 00:19:10,457
Your mom would be perfectly okay with that.
506
00:19:10,492 --> 00:19:11,992
Right, Bow?
507
00:19:11,994 --> 00:19:14,995
Hmm?
508
00:19:14,997 --> 00:19:16,630
- Yeah.
- Ah.
509
00:19:16,664 --> 00:19:18,665
Okay. All right.
510
00:19:18,717 --> 00:19:20,884
- We're really going there, huh?
- [Whispers] Oh, we're there.
511
00:19:20,919 --> 00:19:22,219
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
512
00:19:22,253 --> 00:19:26,673
Just like your dad would
be okay if one of you
513
00:19:26,724 --> 00:19:30,844
thought "kingdom come"
was Jay-Z's best album?
514
00:19:30,846 --> 00:19:32,846
- What?
- Really?
515
00:19:32,848 --> 00:19:34,648
Jack: That album is so cool.
516
00:19:34,682 --> 00:19:36,683
[Strained voice] Perfectly okay.
517
00:19:36,685 --> 00:19:39,186
I don't think this is about us anymore.
518
00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:40,270
Should we leave?
519
00:19:40,321 --> 00:19:42,723
I wanna stay and see where this goes.
520
00:19:46,623 --> 00:19:47,656
All right.
521
00:19:47,707 --> 00:19:49,792
I can't believe I'm about to ask you this.
522
00:19:49,826 --> 00:19:51,627
But how's young Republicans going?
523
00:19:51,661 --> 00:19:53,629
Actually, Dad, after much thought,
524
00:19:53,663 --> 00:19:56,548
I've decided I'm a Democrat after all.
525
00:19:56,583 --> 00:19:58,000
- What?
- I did that.
526
00:19:58,051 --> 00:20:01,386
I introduced him to one
of my liberal girlfriends,
527
00:20:01,421 --> 00:20:03,505
and let's just say her "ideas"
528
00:20:03,556 --> 00:20:05,174
are bigger than Hillary's.
529
00:20:05,176 --> 00:20:07,309
- Oh.
- Come on, dad. I had to.
530
00:20:07,343 --> 00:20:10,095
Republican? We just don't do that.
531
00:20:10,146 --> 00:20:12,181
[Laughs]
- Way to go, Gurkel. Mm.
532
00:20:12,183 --> 00:20:15,484
I'm Gurkel! That's my nickname!
533
00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:18,020
Ow! Ow. [Laughs] Hey, hey, hey.
534
00:20:18,022 --> 00:20:21,323
I'm sorry. I didn't know
you liked it so much.
535
00:20:21,357 --> 00:20:22,941
I... Guess I didn't either.
536
00:20:22,992 --> 00:20:24,910
Well, since it means so much to you,
537
00:20:24,944 --> 00:20:28,363
you will be my only
Gurkel from now on. Cool?
538
00:20:28,365 --> 00:20:29,498
- Thank you.
- All right.
539
00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:30,782
Well, Zoey, looks like
540
00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:33,535
we're gonna have to find
you another name. Uh...
541
00:20:33,586 --> 00:20:38,040
Butterfly, because you're
so delicate and graceful
542
00:20:38,042 --> 00:20:39,374
and looking at you is so special.
543
00:20:39,425 --> 00:20:42,210
Aw, that's so sweet, Dad! I love it!
544
00:20:42,261 --> 00:20:44,763
Oh, I love you, Butterfly.
Hey, but you know what?
545
00:20:44,797 --> 00:20:46,965
We're gonna have to get you some contacts.
546
00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:49,551
- Because glasses
are not it. - Mnh-mnh.
547
00:20:49,553 --> 00:20:51,053
Hey, go to school, Gurkel.
548
00:20:51,055 --> 00:20:52,387
All right?
549
00:20:56,512 --> 00:21:02,312
Butterfly? [Sighs] I
played this one all wrong.
550
00:21:02,337 --> 00:21:05,637
551
00:21:05,687 --> 00:21:10,237
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